100 Responses to “Hair apparent”

1. Sara on January 22nd, 2007 10:48 pm

   Cute hair! I’m biased on the short hair, since mine is super-short. I hope you won’t miss the longer locks — are you a hair clip kinda gal?
   I think people’s “support” of stay-at-home moms can be misguided, hence the nasty comments. My daughter has always love the person or people taking care of her; now she goes to a Montessori pre-preschool that she loves. She gets a lot out of it, just as I find joy in my work. I will soon be working 5 days a week, and has she gotten older I have been feeling a little more torn about her being away from me so much. Everything changes!

2. Jacqueline on January 22nd, 2007 11:08 pm

   Your hair looks lovely! :D

   I wonder why I bothered getting married given my husband and I hardly spend any time together during the work week since we both work full time… [that was sarcastic]

   I’m a school teacher. Teachers spend up to 7 hours a day with their students. We are no more raising these kids than wolves are. [Aside: why have kids only to send them off to school all day and let someone else take care of them? yeah, more sarcasm] Parents have the strongest link for and are the biggest influence in a child’s life. Interestingly, women get this complaint levelled against them while men are mercifully let off.

   I shrug off that comment by saying that I am better suited to looking after older kids while others are better suited to toddlers.

3. Mary O on January 22nd, 2007 11:09 pm

   Yay! I’m glad you liked Obadiah. It’s the number one thing I miss about living in Seattle. And your new cut is so darn cute. You can really pull off the short hair!

4. Sonia on January 22nd, 2007 11:09 pm

   I think your hair looks really good!
   Ugh on the judgypants parent debate. Can’t we all just get along? I’ve done both the sahm and working mom thing. Neither is better than the other. They both have upsides and downsides. What ever works for you and your family is what you should do, I say.

5. Mama Ritchie on January 22nd, 2007 11:14 pm

   Parents who judge other parents will unfortunately never go away. You should hear the comments I get from both stay at homers AND worker bees when they hear I work from home 8 hours a day AND take care of my kid full-time. You would think they would be standing in awe and amazement, wondering just how do I do it? I mean, I deserve a medal, right? Instead, I get a confused look, like, “Why would you do something as stupid as that?” Believe me, days like today I ask myself the same question.

   Anyway, we just have to support one another and even though I made different choices than you, it’s not better or worse. Just not the same. And when someone judges us, we can call each other and talk about them behind their backs!

   Your hair looks FAB! I like the dark shades for winter. And I love your blog too - I got myself a lead on a salon in Shoreline! Thanks Sundry Readers!!!

6. deanna on January 22nd, 2007 11:45 pm

   i am a 25 year old, single, childless woman [who actually works in pediatrics]and therefore knows something about child development], so i dont know if i can fully comment on the whole parenting thing….BUT i will say that my mom worked part-time while i was growing up and i have some FABULOUS memories of going to a neighbors house a few days a week while she was at work. i LOVED being with the other kids there, but it is clear that my parents raised me and not some daycare/babysitter. i work with a woman who homeschools her two boys, and as per her comments in discussions theyre missing out on a lot of socialization because they spend ALL DAY with her. [not that i have anything against homeschooling per se, but there are some drawbacks…] so i say, dont let those other stupid people bother you. judgemental idiots.

   as for the hair….SHORTER the BETTER and it looks fabulous. [however i might be somewhat biased since i sport a pixie cut myself and havent touched a blowdryer or even a brush in years….] did she shape the bottom with a razor? it looks GREAT.

7. Miranda on January 22nd, 2007 11:47 pm

   First of all, LOVE the hair! Love!

   Secondly, I’m in my twenties and don’t have any kids, but my mom worked full-time and went to school a night from the time I was two until I was a sophomore in high school. And you know what? I turned out fine. My relationship with my mom is and always has been terrific. We value and cherish our time together. To top it off, I have an honest and solid relationship with my dad since we spent a lot of time together when I was young. Being a working mom doesn’t mean you can’t be a great parent (or a great wife).

8. angela on January 22nd, 2007 11:49 pm

   “What up ladies?” Heeee.

9. Alex on January 23rd, 2007 12:56 am

   Random question: do you and JB not wear wedding rings? Or was yours just off just cuz? I have an odd fascination with people choosing whether or not to wear rings.

   Cute do. Definitely shorter than usual, but like someone else mentioned, you pull it off beautifully.

10. Lesley on January 23rd, 2007 1:57 am

    Your hair (cut and colour) is cute and it suits you, because you’re pretty adorable.

    Re because she’d always wondered why people even have kids if they’re ‘just going to let someone else raise them’. Can’t the Dr. Laura bots make an effort to paraphrase her slogans? Really, all these one dimensional home schooling evolution trashing drones do ever do is mimick Dr. Laura speak like good little parrots.

    You know, in some ways I can see the point of view (cuz some daycares, like some parents, suck) but what children need is TLC and in their life-time they are going to get that from all kinds of people, many of whom won’t be relatives.

11. hello insomnia on January 23rd, 2007 2:10 am

    You are totally rocking that bob. I wish I could do that. I once had a boy-cut and ended up looking like a guy and since then, anything above the shoulders makes me nervous.

12. Melissa on January 23rd, 2007 3:05 am

    I rock the same shorter cut as you, and every damn time I go to the salon I feel like there’s just a tad too much neck exposed, and maybe I should give up on the hip short hair and grow it down to my ass, split ends and all. And then 3-7 days pass and I have the most glorious hair in the world. It’s as if the hairs have to get over the trauma and relax and not be all shrunken up into your head. I get your meaning on the “it feels short” thing anyway. It looks cute though…and trust me, it will feel AWESOME by this time next week.

13. Laura H on January 23rd, 2007 3:44 am

    When I was a working single mom I was berated for leaving my daughter for “someone else to raise” (not to mention the not being married part). When I was married and loving staying home with my son I was questioned as to whether I was “stunting” him or “smothering” him by not letting him have the preschool experience. Both of my children are bright, happy, and engaging children (I’ve been told). I guess I owe it to someone else in my daughter’s case and just got lucky with my son. /sarcasm.

    Jacqueline-do not sell yourself short as a teacher. I truly DO believe it “takes a village” (even though I’m campaigning for John Edwards ;) ) and I do think we owe teachers a huge debt of gratitude for the care and time they spend with our children each day. If not for Mrs. Baker my son would never have come out of his shell in Kindergarten, and boy did he ever.

14. Swistle on January 23rd, 2007 4:54 am

    I’ve noticed that hair always feels way shorter than it looks. Like, I get two inches off when I wanted only one off, and I feel like I’m BALD or a BOY, and everyone else doesn’t even notice I got it cut. To me, your hair looks shorter but not way shorter, and it looks totally gorgeous and sleek. You look like some sort of exotic animal to be harvested for its pelt.

15. Niki P. on January 23rd, 2007 4:54 am

    The cut is very healthy looking and it really makes your eyes look bigger and brighter. The pixie girl did a good thing!
    We always did the split shift thing when the boys were babies. They went to daycare for an hour and a half a day. It was good socialization for them. I know a lot of moms who would be happier if they got out to work for at least a few hours a day. It’s good for the brain.

16. mrscrumley on January 23rd, 2007 4:58 am

    I recently announced that I am leaving my job to stay at home, but no one in my comments section made that kind comment. But if they did, then I would have jumped on them and fought back. Being a working mom never made me less of a mom and I don’t think staying home will make me more of a mom. I will just be a different kind of a mom and I am looking forward to finding out who that is.

    Love your hair cut. I need one.

17. Swistle on January 23rd, 2007 4:58 am

    Shoot, I got distracted by your hair gorgeousness and forgot to comment on the stay-at-home mom remark someone made, which is the kind of comment that makes me feel like GETTING A JOB. I hate it when someone makes me turn against my own decisions by stating their own opinions in a way that makes me want to disassociate with the whole way of life.

18. Emily on January 23rd, 2007 5:10 am

    I like the short hair; it makes your highlights look brighter and stuff. That’s only my technical opinion, of course.

19. warcrygirl on January 23rd, 2007 5:13 am

    I can’t do short hair of any kind as I have a big, fat, round head so I’m no expert BUT that cut looks cute. Maybe she cut it so short to give you all new, fresh, non-frizzy hair to grow out and nurture and love?

    Okay, that made no sense. You look good, woman!

20. Kristen Voskuil on January 23rd, 2007 5:14 am

    Regarding the woman who said she doesn’t understand why moms would work: It always surprises me when people publicly brag about ignorance as if they’re proud of it. I wonder if she has the same trouble understanding why fathers would work rather than rearing their children.

21. Jessie on January 23rd, 2007 5:39 am

    Re: the rant; I don’t understand why women can say those things about other women, but what about men, do they not feel the same about the men? Because I would think that if you’re going to be that annoying you’d throw the fathers in there too.

    Oprah is doing a “mommy wars” show sometime soon (I think this week), and it promises to be incredibly uncomfortable for all involved.

22. Em on January 23rd, 2007 5:54 am

    Wow! Your hair looks awesome. That is the hair I’ve always wanted. My super curly hair has always prevented me from having sideswiping bangs, or short hair (exception, afro), but I feel OK living vicariously though others on the internet.

    …and, while I know nothing of being a mother, I plan on being a working one someday, and I’m glad to know that it can be done with so much grace and panache.

23. Frank on January 23rd, 2007 6:01 am

    The hair came out looking pretty cute!

24. Kaire on January 23rd, 2007 6:23 am

    My mom was a stay at home mom. Before anyone cheers that decision, let me say that being a stay at home mother DIDN’T mean she paid attention to me or my brothers. She didn’t play with me. She didn’t welcome me home from school with a big hug and a “how was your day?” She admits that it was FAR more important to her to have a clean house than to “bother” with us. It’s not just the time you spend with your kids, it’s the QUALITY of the time you spend. I’d be far better mentally if I could say “my mom worked and STILL found time to do things with me.” Instead I can say “my mom was a stay at home mother, kept the cleanest house in the world, but couldn’t be bothered with me.” So to that debate, I say “what the fuck ever.”

25. Emblita on January 23rd, 2007 6:23 am

    Okey, first- Hair- totally awesome, the cut looks fabulous on you!
    Secondly the whole stay at home-vs. working thing is, well, stupid. We should all do what works for us. Like say our family here, I’m on maternity leave until April 15th (7,5months)and then I’m going to work part-time and my husband is going on paternity leave from March 1st until April 2008! I’d love to stay home too for the first year- but we can’t afford that. But the kid is still going to be sent to playschool for part of the day- because playing with other kids is such an important socialization exercise (and you know, fun). That works for us… other people do it differently.

26. Zoot on January 23rd, 2007 6:24 am

    Yeah. Those people piss me off too. My favorite, “So - essentially you only see your daughter about three hours a day?” Yes. And I spend those three hours ignoring her because I’m an awful mother.

    And I like your hair, but I too have had the “OH MY GOD HOW DO YOU SEE THAT AS HALF AN INCH?” type of post-salon freakout. But my hair looked like shit. Yours looks very cool.

27. LisaL on January 23rd, 2007 6:59 am

    Great hair!
    I’ve never understood why moms criticize each other–and sometimes viciously–instead of supporting each other. I mean, aren’t we all in the same boat, trying to raise our kids the best way we can in a sometimes scary world?
    That last picture of Riley is a hoot! :)

28. Carrie on January 23rd, 2007 7:06 am

    I love new salons. Even when I love the one I am going to, I always feel like I might be missing out on something. I like the new haircut, it seems nice and flippy? So not the right word. It seems light and has movement? Something like that, not heavy. Pretty! I can’t talk about the stay at home mom thing right now as I have a pissy attitude and would seem very ungrateful for my wonderful child. My daycare? I’m pretty sure they earn every penny.

29. Karla on January 23rd, 2007 7:11 am

    My goodness - you, your hair and your whole family are so entirely adorable!

30. kendra! on January 23rd, 2007 7:13 am

    Ooh gurl, I dig the new shorn ‘do. I always feel my wishes a bit compromised by m’hairdresser (snowglobestress and otherwise) but then after a couple of days, I realize that she totally knew what she was doing cutting off the dried out locks and, frankly, she HAD to do it. She had to go the half inch shorter. Otherwise, it’d be totally counterproductive and I would enjoy half an inch less of the hair ogling once I got to the office.

    Insert Topic Change here –> I’m glad you mentioned “dynamic” among the adjectives used to describe the suctopus’ daycare. I was shuttled in and out of the homes of babysitters (mean, molestacious ones and lovely ones who put perfume on my wrists before I went to school so I wouldn’t smell like their cats) and into a couple of more institutionalized ones. The daycares were not as cozy as home, but they certainly were built-in playgroups and have helped me to be more independent and fight for my right to another proverbial graham cracker at lunch. I don’t regret that my parents chose to put their chilluns in daycare. It made me me. It was pretty fun, too. I’m really thankful, in fact, that my parents cared enough to pay the bucks to put me into nice places with better toys than we had at home. Hats off, is what I’m saying.

31. Anne Glamore on January 23rd, 2007 7:19 am

    Hey- give the short hair a couple of days and you’ll die when you figure out all the cool things you can do with it with bobby pins and blowing it out straight, or not, etc. It looks fabulous.

    I think surely the days of people criticizing mothers’ work at home or at the office or stay at home or any variation thereof has got to be almost over, doesn’t it? Because we’ve been over it time and time again, we’re all doing the best we can, and frankly, the topic is getting tired. That lady is about 8 years behind the times in terms of comments.

    Keep on w/ your bad self!

32. kara marie on January 23rd, 2007 7:24 am

    I like the short hair. Sometimes to get rid of all the damaged stuff you lose more than you expect, I think. Look how cute! Look how shiny!

33. Ang on January 23rd, 2007 7:28 am

    Love the hair! I frames your face nicely.

34. Melanie on January 23rd, 2007 7:40 am

    Can I just tell you that on the SAHM nonsense I have to deal mostly with my mother in law. She doesn’t understand how I could work. She actually told my husband that I probably wasn’t prepared or eager to be a mother if I wasn’t willing to quit my job and stay home and raise my kid. Also, daycare breeds illness and ADHD didn’t exist until the masculinization of women in the 80s when all kinds of crazy feminists felt like they had to work to be fulfilled and family be damned. First of all, I make more money than my husband. Not a lot more, but still more. So our income would be cut by more than half. Also, I carry our health insurance. So if I did leave my job we would be in dire straights, and excuse me if I think keeping my daughter in milk and raisins is more important. Not to mention the fact that I love my job. I love working. The thing is that I also understand the other side of it. My sister stays home with her two kids and loves it. I read an article, I think in the New Yorker, but I don’t remember, about the competitive mommies, all “My way is right. You must quit your job/co-sleep/breastfeed/baby-wear/etc. It was really disturbing. I would never tell another mommy that she should work and I don’t like being told I should stay home.

35. Stephanie Brown on January 23rd, 2007 7:46 am

    i cannot get over the cuteness that is your child!!! he is just the perfect mix of you and JB. and your hair? very nice :) I think it looks great!

36. Karen on January 23rd, 2007 7:52 am

    Your hair looks great; your pictures made me smile, too!

    I am a SAHM, and I also cringe whenever I hear that same attitude. I also get the backlash of these Other People’s attitudes myself. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had hostile comments thrown my way from highly defensive working mothers, such as, “I’m a BETTER MOM for working.”
    Reason A: “We cannot afford the LUXURY of me staying home. We would be broke and my kids would suffer for it. I can’t be that selfish.” (So it’s assumed that we can “afford” my staying home with the kids. And? I’m also selfish. Hmm.)
    Reason B: “I want my kids to go to college, so I have to work.” (Ah, yes. My kids will be going to vocational schools because I chose to stay home with them. Because you’re obviously a horrible parent if you can’t come up with $50 grand in cash to send your kid to school. And I’m guessing at how much it will cost in 2018 — could be much more.)
    Reason C: “My kids learn more in preschool (a.k.a. daycare, as far as I’m concerned, when they’re only, like, 12 months old) than I could teach them by staying home with them.” (Of course, if I let them out of the closet for more than meals and potty training, I could spending more time playing with them and teaching them things, but then when would I have time for watching my soaps and eating my bonbons?)

    Well! THAT was a ranty, too! Don’t get me wrong — you have a legitimate complaint, because I am deeply annoyed by the comments you’re describing, too. Why can’t people just be happy with their own choices of parenting? Because that’s exactly what the rude comments are all about: feeling inadequate and unsure of your decisions as parents. I have never questioned anyone else’s choices, because I assume they made the best choice for their family based on their own circumstances. I feel sorry for the defensive and judgmental parents, because I can only assume they chose to do what THEY wanted to do rather than what is best for their family. And feeling guilty sucks.

    Sorry for the length. This is a biggie for me. Also, I’ve had too much coffee…

37. Lawyerish on January 23rd, 2007 7:56 am

    Ok, I saw the comment you’re referring to (not that it was the first of its kind), and I about lost it as well. Of all the rhetoric people drag out on both sides of the working/at-home mom issue, this is the one that blinds me with rage. It’s just so…so….ABSURD.

    Similarly, a few years ago I was in a conversation with a few women of varying ages and marital…er, stati? One of them had two grown children, and she and her husband had both worked full-time from the time their kids were born on up, so they had a live-in nanny until the kids were in high school. The woman was talking about how it worked for them, not in a boastful way but just in a “here’s what we did and how we made it work” way, and this other woman, who was not married and did not have children (not that it matters, but just FYI), said, “I would never do that. You pay someone to clean your toilet; you don’t pay someone to raise your children.”

    It was such an astonishingly rude (and misguided) thing to say that I just about fell out of my chair.

    Why, WHY can women not just support each other and acknowledge that what works for them doesn’t work for everyone?

    Ack.

    And your hair? Awesome. I love it.

38. Amy on January 23rd, 2007 8:04 am

    I assume that if someone believes using childcare equals not raising your kids, that someone will be homeschooling their own kids. Until they’re 18. I mean, that’s a parent’s job, right? What, are you going to let TEACHERS raise your children during their formative teenage years?

    Also, lovely haircut. Whenever I’m shocked at how short my cut is, I always feel better about it in three or four days.

39. Caitlin on January 23rd, 2007 8:12 am

    Oooh, I like the darker and shorter–definitely not too short at all, it looks very elegant and sophisticated indeed.

40. jonniker on January 23rd, 2007 8:27 am

    I, too, saw the comment in question, or at least one similar to it, and had a similar reaction. It’s just such a stupid thing to say, and reminds me of the time Mimi Smartypants answered someone who said this with, “You’re right, oh my God, I’m not sure Nora even knows who I am. Good thing you pointed that out!”

    Working moms are moms, and good goddamn, it’s just as hard and just as valid as a SAHM, it’s just DIFFERENT. On the other hand, I’m bothered by the rhetoric on the other side that implies that mothers should *only* work, because SAHMs are marshmallows who do nothing but focus on their children in an unhealthy way and working moms are great, because they have LIVES, unlike those pesky, fat, slobby SAHMs.

    So many of these comments are derived from people’s own defensiveness about their mothering choices, and it sucks. Working moms are defensive because they’re attacked for “letting other people raise their kids” and SAHMs are constantly defending against attacks that they are raising self-centered, unsocialized brats and are losing their sense of self-worth and squelching feminism at every possible moment. Neither is true. Both are valid, enviable choices for different reasons, and each person has to decide what works for them, and for their family.

    The judgment, oh, it makes me crazy.

41. April on January 23rd, 2007 8:40 am

    the hair looks cute! i love the pic of riley in the mirror, suspicious as usual.

    thanks for the nikon advice! really appreciate it.

    that comment is awful - I just don’t get people that judge, judge, judge…. you can’t say anything unless you are in that person’s shoes. No wonder so many are so very worried about their parenting choices - you feel like if you do something minorly wrong that everyone is going to jump your case.

    along the same lines re:judgemental mother comments - stephanie klein has had some hella mean commenters since she had her babies, i pretty much just read her posts and don’t read her comments anymore. I just wonder where these people come from? Stepford?

42. whoorl on January 23rd, 2007 9:09 am

    I remember the comment. I also remember thinking something along the lines of “HOLY FUCK” when I read it. Can I just jump on Jonniker’s bandwagon? True that, Jonniker. True that.

    And your hair looks pretty damn good, if you ask me.

43. Swistle on January 23rd, 2007 9:27 am

    Karen (comment XXXVI), I have gotten the same kind of thing. I think staying home is good, I think working is good, I think a combination of both is good, and I never try to tell anyone that my way is better than their way, and yet I can’t count how many times I’ve been told that another mom wished she had the “luxury” of staying home, as if I am lounging around in piles of money, or as if being at home all day with the kids feels even remotely like the word “luxury.” Before she says it, I feel nothing about her choices, I don’t even think about them; after she says it, I start eyeing her expensive car, her house that’s way better than mine with way newer furniture, and I start wanting to fight. It’s so dumb, because defensiveness in either direction just causes these violent feelings that didn’t exist before. I think we’d probably all get along better if there wasn’t so much talk about Mommy Wars. I saw an article in a magazine about it recently, and I just skipped the entire thing, and then skipped the letters section in the next issue. I don’t want to hear EITHER “SIDE” bitching about the other “side.” I think both “sides” are right, because both choices are right.

    And Jessie (comment XXI), also totally right: Why aren’t there Daddy Wars about whether fathers “choose” to stay at home or to go to work?

44. Joanne on January 23rd, 2007 9:51 am

    I think your hair looks terrific (Gee, your hair looks terrific - or are you not old enough to remember that ad?). Anyway, it looks great and sometimes a severe chop chop is necessary after a long time - in your case it seems to be working.

    I have to say that sometimes I feel that way about parents who have their kids in day care. BUT I never say it to anyone except my husband is that okay? I used to work in a private school that had a program for three year olds and a lot of those three year olds were there from when Beforecare opened (6:00) and stayed until Aftercare closed (6:00). Sometimes those three year old kids were seen for ‘discipline’ problems because they were ‘acting out’ and I would think, man, maybe they’re just TIRED - they had longer days than I did! And they were three years old! Anyway, I do feel that some people, in my experience (I am loathe to say mothers although we are always the ones that get blamed, aren’t we?) do seem bugged by the amount of time that it takes to raise their children. I have a friend who told me she didn’t intend to breastfeed because she felt it made the baby too ‘dependent’ on her. I don’t think the experience of raising up a baby is the same for mothers who work outside the home as it is for mothers that stay at home. If there are 24 hours in the day and you spend 10 of them at work or going to work, you are not watching your child as much. I used to think it was so much easier for moms who worked outside the home but now I think it’s hard no matter what you do. I try hard to not judge anyone, especially women for the choices they make regarding childcare. But I’m sure I’m on the defensive most of the time, since I rarely hear anyone taking up for the Stay at Home Mother the way they do for the Working Mother. I literally can’t count the amount of times over the last 19 months that someone has asked me when I am ‘going back’ to work. Many people have told me that they would ‘love’ to stay home but they need more ‘intellectual stimulation’ than staying home could give them. It’s annoying and defeating and has a lot to do, in my experience, with the ‘Mommy Wars’.

45. sundry on January 23rd, 2007 9:55 am
    Re: Karen’s comment — I agree a lot of this type of backlash comes from defensiveness. Clearly I’m kind of defensive about my own choices or I wouldn’t bat an eye at Obnoxious Commenter.

    I think it’s sometimes hard to make the differentiation between “here’s what I choose/decided because it’s germane to my own personal family situation” and “here’s what I believe is the right thing for EVERYONE to do” — especially when the defensive ear only hears the latter statement. But when someone firmly lies in the Judgy McCriticalPants category, man. That just really chaps my hide.

46. sundry on January 23rd, 2007 10:02 am
    Also, to Joanne: funny, in my experience I’ve seen nothing but a constant outpouring of support for the stay at home mom.

    I know we get it from all sides, though.

47. Sara I. on January 23rd, 2007 10:16 am

    Mixed Chicks products stop frizzy hair.

48. JMH on January 23rd, 2007 10:27 am

    Ok, many comments and not much time.

    I am a teacher, so thanks to all of you who have acknowledged all of our hard work in your comments. Since I am a teacher, I feel very blessed because I get to be a working mom 9 months of the year and a SAHM during the summer. I guess I get “the best of both worlds”. When I had baby #1, I REALLY resented going back to work. I felt terrible leaving MY baby to go to work and teach other people’s children. But, due to our financial situation at the time, I had to work. When I had Baby #2, I was able to take a 4 month (PAID!) leave of absence before I had to return to work. That worked out very well for me. Now that my kids our older (5 ys. and 3 yrs) I realize that I was not meant to be a SAHM. I love it in the summer, but to be honest, I an READY to go back to work wach fall. IN MY OPINION, I am a better mom because I work AND I am a better teacher beacuse I am a mom. Anyway, it works for me. And whatever works for you is great and I will support you 100%!!!

49. JMH on January 23rd, 2007 10:30 am

    oops! That sentence was supposed to say “I am ready to go back to work each fall” So much for spell check!!

50. Scott on January 23rd, 2007 10:39 am

    I like the new hair, but I’m a guy, so no one asked me.

    I will echo the other 17,000 people on the day care thing. First of all, Sofia loves day care. She loves her teachers, she loves the activities they do, and she loves playing with other kids. It’s not like they dump her in a coal bin and feed her bread crusts.

    Second: if I am a bad parent, it’s because I don’t take her to day care enough. That place puts us to shame. Whenever we’re home with Sofia, we’re always cleaning the house or doing dishes or trying to figure out why none of our light bulbs fit in any of our lights. This doesn’t leave us a lot of time to schedule scintillating fun for the child.

    At day care they have activities, education, and games every minute of the day. Last night when I picked her up from day care, they were using shaving cream to write numbers and decorate plastic animals. (”Zebra,” Sofia informed me when I arrived. “Zebra.”) Would we ever think to do a fun activity like that, much less unleash Sofia with a can of shaving cream? Hellz no. Day care is way more fun than being at home. Sometimes I worry that Child Services is going to show up and award permanent custody to the day care center.

    Finally, let me say this: children learn by watching what their parents do. If parents enjoy their jobs, are mentally (or physically) engaged in what they do, and have a good balance of family time and work, might that just teach their children a few things about being a healthy adult? My dad is a doctor and worked crazy hours when I was a kid, which meant that he wasn’t always around. That taught me a few things: about finding a job that you love, about being dedicated to what you do, and about using your talents to the fullest. He also spent a lot of time with us, and knowing how hard he worked made that mean even more, because we knew what an effort he had to make to get to soccer practice on time.

    I’m not saying that all jobs are necessarily good for parents, nor am I saying that two working parents necessarily make a healthy family. I’m sure there are a lot of lousy parents who also send their kids to day care, and I’m sure there are some good parents whose kids aren’t well-served by day care. But just saying that day care == bad is reductive and silly. I guess we already knew that.

51. Lawyerish on January 23rd, 2007 10:50 am

    Oh, sure, leave it to a MAN to articulate it really well.

    Not that y’all ladies aren’t saying smart, awesome things; but I have to note that Scott’s comment really made me laugh, and his point about seeing his dad work hard brings up important issues that often get left out in the whole (ridiculous) debate. Also, based on Scott’s description, I am thinking more and more that daycare might be better for our family than a nanny (sometime in the next year, I’ll be a mom, and a working one at that, as soon as we plow through the rest of the adoption process).

    And I will agree with Sundry that, on the whole, I see more support for stay-at-home moms than for working moms, although it could be my own preemptively defensive posture that filters things as such. As a society, we’ve made few strides in terms of making life easier for double-income families, including family leave and emergency childcare. In that sense, we are so grossly behind Europe — especially Northern Europe — that I am thinking of buying a bicycle and moving to Denmark.

52. MRW on January 23rd, 2007 10:56 am

    I think the thing that bothers me most about comments like the one discussed here is that they automatically make me feel defensive and hostile about a subject I normally go with the flow on. I figure if staying home works for you great! If working works for you, great! But when the criticism starts flying, I feel hostile and on the verge of saying nasty things I don’t even mean because I feel like I have to defend my choices. The whole thing is polarizing and a waste of time. I’m with others who wish we could just stop talking about “Mommy wars” and ripping each other apart because having kids is hard enough without feeling the need to justify some of the hardest decisions we will ever make.

53. sundry on January 23rd, 2007 10:57 am
    Scott, you are awesome.
54. Rayshell on January 23rd, 2007 11:08 am

    Love the cut!

55. Jen on January 23rd, 2007 11:49 am

    A good friend of mine became a SAHM a year and a half ago when her family moved so her husband could take a new job (necessitating her to leave her job). The husband’s new job pays very well, so she doesn’t need to go back to work, and she enjoys staying home with her toddler and new baby. And get this: she feels guiltly ALL THE TIME that her kids don’t go to daycare. She thinks they’re not getting enough stimulation and socialization and that it’s boring for them to hang out with only her all day. No matter how many times I tell her that’s crazy-talk, she still feels bad about it. And it’s not like they’re sitting on the couch all day watching Barney, her kids go to more activities than I did in high school and college combined.

    I think all the judgement that parents lay on each other is really misdirected guilt. Everyone has to work out their own way in raising their children. Why can’t we all get along?

    PS - I also love the haircut!

56. Philos on January 23rd, 2007 11:55 am

    The hair is totally cute. And I don’t think the photo is dorky at all; it’d make a good indie-rock album cover.

57. LLL on January 23rd, 2007 12:41 pm

    People who make comments like that don’t live in reality-seriously. First, there’s the money problem. Most households need two incomes. Second, I think some day care is good for kids from a socialization perspective. In cave-man days (speaking of the missing link) and even more recently, babies and kids had interaction with groups. My husband is a stay at home Dad and I long for him to take the baby to the gym when he works out because she LOVES other kids, and she gets none of that at home. Third, what the hell. I mean what do people think that you only can love a kid if you stay home with him/her? Does that mean that the commenters husband will have no effect on her child or is a bad father - because he isnt staying home. Maybe they should both quit their jobs and collect welfare - that way they can raise their child just them and what a good concept that would show the child. Finally, I think working (as I do) makes you appreciate the time with your child - maybe even more than if you are a stay at home parent. I cherish my time with my baby and try to always make it really count. Anyhow - don’t feel bad, that comment is CRAP.

58. LLL on January 23rd, 2007 12:54 pm

    PS: if you think you get negative comments about daycare or being a stay at home mom, you should here hear the comments (and occasional dirty/questioning looks) my wonderful husband gets for being a stay at home Dad. People think he (a) has no ambition; (b) has no balls (which clearly he must as he fathered the child); (c) is subserviant; and (d) must have been an unskilled loser of an employee who couldn’t get a “real” job. Nice…people can be such jackasses.

59. H on January 23rd, 2007 1:27 pm

    This has always been a hot button for me. I have worked full time since before I got married and had kids, and I HATE HATE HATE it when women attack each other for what they do. Each scenario has good points and bad points. No family, marriage, income, or situation is the same so we all need to support each other and LET IT BE!!

    One thing not mentioned so far, and it’s a little off the subject, is the poor SAHM who is taken for granted by her husband (and kids.) Add that to the mix. My friend’s husband tells her that anything on their property and within their home (24X7) is her responsibility. His responsibility? His job, and then he gets to rest. Hers is a thankless, neverending job.

    I know all men aren’t like that (my husband, thankfully, is great), but it is variations like that which make each person’s situation completely and utterly unique.

    I love the open-minded, non-judgmental people who comment on this site (see also abortion post.) It is kind of amazing and very refreshing!

60. amanda on January 23rd, 2007 1:28 pm

    A woman in our pediatrician’s office, a nurse I think, verbally crucified me saying that the “ideal” is 2 days. 2 hafl days actually. That’s how much a mom “should” work to be operating in the child’s best interest. The first time she did it I was ready to give my kid up to someone who could love her the right way. The next 2 times, yes 2, I countered that I thought my 4 half days a week at the office were just fine, which of course was met with a withering glance and a sniff. A sniff, seriously, like something straight out of a trashy novel. The next time…oh wait, I’m sorry,there was no next time.I changed practices so that miserable bitch can attack someone else.

    Society is indeed unforgiving and judgemental about parenting.

    I’m pretty sure that many of those same folks would argue your favor for JB is proof positive that you are an evil, evil sinner. I say they can go pound salt.

    You are a spectacularly coiffed kick ass mama. Don’t let anyone tell you different.

61. g on January 23rd, 2007 1:30 pm

    “And I will agree with Sundry that, on the whole, I see more support for stay-at-home moms than for working moms, although it could be my own preemptively defensive posture that filters things as such. ” (from a comment above)

    I would have to agree with that simply because of the opposite in my life - I hear much more support for working moms, but I’m assuming that’s because I’m a SAHomer. Maybe we naturally hear the support for the other side because of the defensiveness. If so, I just found a new goal. To just ignore the icky judgments on both sides, because, ew. Parenting is hard enough and guilt ridden enough for me to keep heaping on the unneccesary guilt and judgments from people who don’t live my life or get an opinion. Seriously. Women need to be way more supportive of each other. If we were, I’m pretty sure we would be turning out kids that are even more awesome because they would not see and emulate the pettiness. What a great thing to put a stop to no matter if you work or stay at home.

62. sundry on January 23rd, 2007 1:46 pm
    “What a great thing to put a stop to no matter if you work or stay at home.”

    G - that’s so true, and you know, I really shouldn’t react to negative opinions by ranting and giving those opinions space, either in my head or in my blog.

63. jonniker on January 23rd, 2007 2:14 pm

    I agree with g, for what it’s worth - I think we all see more support for the opposite of what we’re doing. From my vantage point, as a person who has no stake in any of this, other than I will be a mom some day, I will say that I see both being attacked equally, but by different groups. I absolutely do not see any more support for the SAHM than I do for the working mom. I think both are attacked with equal vigor. To be fair, the blogging world, where a lot of us get detailed information on universes different from our own, is skewed towards the SAHM/WAHM, to some degree, and for the love of Christ, run from message boards with all of your might.

    However, if nothing else, I see more intellectual snobbery contributing to the cause for the working mom, which is yet another subversive way of making SAHMs feel like while they might be better moms, they’re just dumber people. It’s a constant game of “I’m better!” from both sides. I’m being entirely serious here, and it’s a royal shame, for there are a lot of smart, capable hardworking moms who just happen to make the decision to stay at home, for whatever reason. It’s like everyone is trying to win a war on whatever terms makes them feel better about themselves.
    “I’m a better mom!”
    “Yeah, but dude, I’m way SMARTER than you, look at what I’ve done career-wise!”
    “But I am there for my kids!”
    “But I am setting a better EXAMPLE!”

    Honestly, it’s really frustrating, and like I said, the intellectual argument is kind of rooted in snobbery, and I don’t see how that’s any better than the argument that SAHMs are better parents.

    Also, while I support everyone defending their individual choices, to your last point, Sundry, I think it just contributes to the problem. Inherent in everyone’s responses is how they explain their own situation, which is laced with a little personal justification and “my way is kind of better, but I don’t want to come out and say it.”

64. sundry on January 23rd, 2007 2:25 pm
    I don’t know, I feel like we all need to quit bashing each other’s choices and stop promoting negativism (note to self: take own medicine) but at the same time it’s always helpful for me to learn about other people’s parenting choices and the reasons behind it. If I can hear it without feeling criticized. That’s a personal challenge, obviously, but I don’t think we need to collectively stop having the conversation — we just need to have a *better* conversation.
65. jonniker on January 23rd, 2007 2:27 pm

    And by “frustrating” I should have clarified that it’s frustrating not to make those arguments when confronted with the issue, and frustrating that they exist for us to use as a crutch. Because I will put dollars to donuts that I will be of the working, or at the very least, WAHM variety, and to be completely honest and transparent, I’ve thought that through as part of the justification for my own decisions to make sure I’d be okay with myself if that’s what I chose, and I don’t like myself very much in retrospect when I have that conversation with myself. Also, my universe/friends are primarily of the working mom variety, so that’s the rhetoric I hear and perpetuate most often.

    I feel compelled to make that distinction, because I was kind of harsh on the working mom justification, when really, I was trying to beat myself up for doing that more than anything. Which is very, very wrong and selfish and obnoxious of me, not to mention overly defensive without any reason, given that, last time I checked, I’m not anyone’s mother.

66. Meg on January 23rd, 2007 2:41 pm

    It’s okay to rant and talk about these things. At the very least, it’s awesome to see that there ARE a lot of non-crazy, awesome people who all agree we should be less judgmental of one another. That is reassuring!

67. jonniker on January 23rd, 2007 2:50 pm

    Sorry - yes, I meant that having the conversation is good, but not framing it in the context of a defensive tone, not so much.

    Too often, when people talk through their choices (and I am definitely including myself), it’s framed in comparison to what the alternative is, and how their choice is better than the alternative on a global scale, rather than seeing the merits on their own, in the context of their own personal situation. The rhetoric becomes a comparison game, rather than an explanation of personal choices and personal circumstances that may or may not work for other people.

    I really need to stop talking on the phone while commenting on blogs.

68. jonniker on January 23rd, 2007 2:55 pm

    And oh holy God, I wasn’t talking about you being defensive, I was talking generalizations (and more, ah, me than anyone). Sweet mary alive, I am a commenting disaster today.

69. sundry on January 23rd, 2007 2:56 pm
    Jonniker — THIS IS ABOUT MY SELF PORTRAIT ISN’T IT???

    (Heh)

70. Elizabeth on January 23rd, 2007 3:19 pm

    Oftentimes I am compelled to comment on our latest post and feel that I have nothing meaningful to contribute seeing as I am an unmarried, childless college student. But nonetheless, I think I am somewhat qualified to comment on the varying degrees of cuteness of a) haircuts and b) baby pictures. Both of which are adorable! I recently cut ten inches off my hair and I felt like I was a completely different person. Seriously, that haircut makes your eyes look huge. In a good way, not in a bug-eyed, butt-of-Simon-Cowell’s-jokes sort of way.

71. angela on January 23rd, 2007 3:35 pm

    You know, I’m reading these comments, and it all seems so trivial. The entire planet is never going to get along and share the same opinions, there will never be a group hug and we all won’t just get along. I see no sense in getting upset when someone has a different opinion, because odds are, everyone has a different opinion than you.

72. Jennifer on January 23rd, 2007 3:52 pm

    Love the hair. And you have really gorgeous DOE EYES in that photo!

    Love Scott’s comment, and now I am going to call my mom and ask why she didn’t send me to a fun daycare where the kids got to play with cans of shaving cream.

    And, finally, love the junco on the fence. There’s a lot of them little guys around in winter!

73. sundry on January 23rd, 2007 4:02 pm
    Angela — I hear you, and I think I should probably check myself before getting all foamy-mouthed over some random comment I read somewhere.

    On the other hand, maybe it’s not so trivial for people to broadcast judgmental remarks that slander a whole group of people. Do you get upset over racism, or do you chalk it up to someone’s opinion?

    Note that I am not making an apples-to-apples comparison here. At all. But I wonder where the line is, where we should just adopt a live-and-let-live attitude and where we should speak our mind. With this (and most parenting hot-button issues) I’m torn between thinking we should all STFU and tend our own backyards, and believing that discussion is actually useful. Of course, maybe that means that I should do more discussing and less ranting.

74. gabby on January 23rd, 2007 4:06 pm

    “G - that’s so true, and you know, I really shouldn’t react to negative opinions by ranting and giving those opinions space, either in my head or in my blog.”

    I’m glad I had a good point (those are so rare since the boy came along!), but I also think it’s natural to want to defend your choices. I too love to hear why people choose what they do, but I’m naturally nosy.

    And when someone, in a very condesending voice, says “Oh, you just stay at home?” I naturally want to scream “YES! But wait! I also have a degree! And had a great career! And still freelance from time to time!”. I’ve also been guilty of saying I’m a freelance journalist when asked what I do, even though that is maybe .05% of my time whereas being a stay at home mom is 150% of my time (oh, wait. maybe not…maybe my kid is just teething and it FEELS like 150%) simply because I don’t want to seem “dumb” and perpetuate the myth. How sad am I? You know what? It’s my choice and simply because of that fact I should be proudly shouting “I STAY AT HOME WITH MY KID BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT I CHOSE!”. Really. Isn’t that what the women’s movement was about? Giving us all a CHOICE to either work or stay at home? Isn’t that the point? To choose one or the other or both that is right for us as an individual? Just because we choose something someone else wouldn’t, doesn’t make it wrong. Just different. And that’s why most of us read blogs, etc. To get a glimpse of something / one that isn’t us. No matter the choice or the circumstance we find ourselves in, we should be proud that we are raising smart and wonderful kids. And only judge those really bad parents. (hee! just kidding….)

75. angela on January 23rd, 2007 4:12 pm

    I dunno, I can count the number of times I’ve personally been subject to racism on one hand, so that’s not really a good comparison for me; you probably get this crap from people on a daily basis. It’s your blog, and lord knows I vent about stupid people on my blog, but I think overall it’s a waste of energy. People are going to be stupid/judgmental/ignorant/whatever no matter what you say. Maybe I’m just a quitter, I’ve given up trying to get people to see things my way and I’d rather just keep to my friends who generally share my opinions on stuff.

76. angela on January 23rd, 2007 4:17 pm

    “Really. Isn’t that what the women’s movement was about? Giving us all a CHOICE to either work or stay at home? Isn’t that the point?” - gabby

    OMG, Amen to that!

77. Ellie on January 23rd, 2007 5:01 pm

    I LOVE the haircut. So super cute!

78. Jane on January 23rd, 2007 5:02 pm

    I really like the hair. I’m not saying that because I enjoy your writing, I’m saying that because I genuinely think it looks better. No offence to the pre-haircut you of course.

    I am a good Christian girl, with good Christian morals (er… mostly), and I’m all about family values BUT… come on, there’s nothing wrong with day care.
    1. It gives the child an opportunity to socialise and get used to other people (which can no doubt help avoid the child becoming clingy)
    2. It gives the parents a chance to exist outside of baby-world, providing the balance that enables them to stay sane and still get to be their own person.

    Different strokes for different strokes, but I’m fine with mums and dads doing it the way they best see fit.

79. sulu-design on January 23rd, 2007 5:31 pm

    Umm… I’m posting your 79th comment on this post. Are you ever going to even find this?!? Holy popular! I’m stopping over to your blog from a link on junk drawer, and I’m thoroughly enjoying your writing. I’ll be back!

80. sundry on January 23rd, 2007 5:45 pm
    I read ALLLLLLLL the comments. Voraciously. I get comments via email, even, so I don’t have to keep checking back.
81. jonniker on January 23rd, 2007 7:40 pm

    Sundry: Well, that is a rather seductive, come-hither look you’ve got there.

    [I about wet my pants reading your comment, and I wish I was kidding. BWAH!]

82. Em on January 23rd, 2007 8:01 pm

    I love the teetering photo! :)

83. Amalah on January 23rd, 2007 9:23 pm

    I doubt I need to remind you how bent out of shape I got over the OMGRELIEVED comments when I announced my big career change. I was hassled and hatemailed when I went back to work and then when I decided I couldn’t hack it (yes. it was not some higher homemaker power that called me to work at home, it was a total failure by me to fucking get out the door on time) I got comments like the one you mentioned. Ew.

    You know who raised my kid before? Me. And my husband. With the help of some fandamntastic daycare ladies who loved that child more than anything.

    You know who is raising him now? Me. And my husband. BUT MOSTLY THE NOGGIN NETWORK.

84. Jennifer on January 23rd, 2007 10:37 pm

    I love the hair. You look good with the darker shades!

    As for the parenting issue, I just wish people would stop judging each other. Period. Regardless of the subject matter. In a perfect world. *sigh*

85. Elizabeth on January 24th, 2007 7:41 am

    It’s funny how no one ever says that fathers should stay home. After all, why should they have children if they’re not going to raise them? What’s good for the goose…

86. fellowmom on January 24th, 2007 10:40 am

    My kids go to daycare–a wonderful daycare–while I am at work. But, I wanted to speak as the daughter of a mother who worked. I never felt like anyone else raised me. That’s for certain.

87. Meg on January 24th, 2007 10:56 am

    Oy, I got the too short cut a few weeks back, too. Oh the panic. Oh the blogging about the panic. But now it’s growing out INTO something, and that something lacks the nasty damaged hair that it had before. It feels great. I am certain it will work like this for you, too.

88. breckgirl on January 24th, 2007 12:01 pm

    Glad to hear everyone likes your new, shorter, darker hair - I agree, it is fabulous. Your eyes look great. I know I am commenting two days after your post but it was all new for me today! Wow - people feel pretty strongly about all that. Me, I work and my son goes to daycare 3 days a week and spends two days a week with his grandma and his auntie. I honestly wish sometimes that I could stay home with him but I just can’t - student loans HAVE to be paid back, unfortunately. There is no easy answer and I think it really comes down to whatever works for each family. I thought Scott’s comments were right on and I also agree with fellowmom above - both of my parents worked full-time and I never felt as if someone else raised me, and I certainly don’t resent my parents for working or making the choices they made. And one more thing - we are ALL working parents - SAH or OTH (outside the home) working parents. I really dislike the mindset that parents who do not work outside the home are somehow “not working.” Running a house full of kids is work, no matter how sweet and lovey you try to phrase it! Anyway - good conversation and definitely one that should be had. Just because people disagree doesn’t mean we should all just not discuss it. And I, like you, want to know what other people are doing and how they feel about it. It helps me know that I am not alone and that my feelings are okay, too. Thanks, Linda.

89. fellowmom on January 24th, 2007 12:33 pm

    So true, Breck Girl. SAHMs and SAHDs work very hard. I would find it very challenging to SAH, but then again, I am a selfish careerist. Kidding! I wish that I had said that my mother “worked outside the home.”

90. m on January 24th, 2007 1:00 pm

    I’m really torn on this issue on a personal level. I could care less what other people decide to do, as long as they are doing what’s best for them and their families.

    I’m currently on maternity leave and doing just that, but the mat. leave will be ending in less than two months. Part of me wants more than anything to stay at home with my son. The other part of me feels like I’m wasting my potential staying at home. I have a freakin’ masters but am doing nothing with it. I’d like my son to grow up proud of his mom. I feel like I owe it to him and myself to be a better example than just someone who cooks and cleans. I don’t know. It’s very difficult and I’ve been struggling with it for a while. But I’m glad that you’ve found what works best for you!

91. Joanne on January 24th, 2007 2:39 pm

    M’s comment seems to be as good of an example as any about things that people say about SAHM’s that seem to demean the choice, and also that seem to make me feel very defensive. I too stay at home with my son, but I do not feel that I am ‘wasting my potential staying at home’. I, too, have a ‘freakin’ masters’, but I do not feel that I am doing ‘nothing with it’. I think it might go without saying that I’d ‘like my son to grow up proud of his mom’. And I - wow - it seems very reductive to say that a SAHM wouldn’t be a good example because she ‘just cooks and cleans’. Sheesh.

92. sundry on January 24th, 2007 4:32 pm
    M, your comment is interesting. I think most of us could provide arguments for why being a stay at home mom doesn’t have to be as limiting as you describe, but that doesn’t invalidate your feelings on the subject. Most working moms I know (please, can we collectively agree for the sake of discussion that “working mom” in this context meants “working outside the home” — someone needs to come up with a new acronym that makes it clear what we’re talking about without pissing people off) either work because 1) they have to for financial reasons, or 2) they want to, for a variety of reasons. I haven’t really heard from people who keep working because they think the alternative is a waste of their potential.

    It’s incredibly hard, isn’t it, to make this choice when there are so many preconceptions, societal pressures, and the stakes seem so high. I think the decision to stay home or go back to work has to come down to a gut check — and sometimes it’s impossible to know until you’ve done Choice A or B for a while.

93. m on January 24th, 2007 5:39 pm

    Joanne, and everyone else who I unwittingly offended, my comments were not meant to be an attack on the SAHM position. I was just talking about about what shit has been going through my head recently. (You know, it’s in the same voice that tells you look fat in those jeans. A voice that’s just mean, but always makes itself heard.) I think if a mother and her family can figure out the situation that makes the most sense for those individuals, then that’s great. I applaud that.

    As it is, my husband just left his very toxic job. He’s able to do freelance for a short period, but we’re at the point where we’re discussing our options. There are many, but the one that my husband is most excited about is me going back to work (I say back to work as if there was a job waiting for me. There isn’t. I’d have to find something that could support our family. Good luck.) and him being a SAHD. A big part of me doesn’t want this because I want nothing more than to be with my son. But, as my husband has supported me for years (getting that stupid masters, for example (and I’m not saying that all masters are stupid! I’m just regretting have wasted my time on mine, because, unlike Joanne and countless others, I am, in fact, not doing anything with it.)) it seems only fair. That, and I like the idea of my husband and son having a better relationship. Anyway, I’ve been processing, processing, processing all of this information, trying to make sense, talking myself into the various possibilities.

    Also, I don’t think a SAHM just cooks and cleans, but it’s been said to me on many occassions. I should have put that in scare quotes, but I didn’t and I appologize.

    Anyway, I’m sorry I upset people. I’m sorry I’ve taken up so much room in the comments. I’m sorry I commented in the first place. I’m going to go back to lurking now.

94. sundry on January 24th, 2007 5:56 pm
    I wish you wouldn’t feel bad for commenting, M. I hear you on the process of, well, processing. It’s tough.
95. m on January 24th, 2007 6:35 pm

    It’s just that you’re so nice and the folks who usually comment are so nice, and for such a loaded subject, the conversation had been very genial. Then I come along and piss folks off straight away! I just wish I had commented on your hair instead. (Which looks fabulous, by the way.)

96. Melanie on January 24th, 2007 8:34 pm

    The hair is awesome - I’m not just kissing ass, you look gorgeous And the Suctopus - he is just so adorable! He’s got squeezy cheeks. I miss having a boy little enough for squeezy little fat cheeks. Mine has big-boy cheeks now. (I’m thinking about sobbing at that idea).

97. Liz in Australia on January 25th, 2007 5:28 am

    Love the photos. I’d love to be able to pull off a cut like that but my hair goes all ’60s on me at that length and curls up and outwards at the ends - soooooo not a good look!

    I’m a homeschooling SAHM, and I have occasionally gotten the opposite reaction from people, the one that implies (or outright says) that I’m wasting my life by not working outside the home and “doing something” with my education, brains, etc. Mostly it makes me laugh, but sometimes it does get to me. Mothers make the decisions they need to for their own children and families, and their own particular circumstances. Of course I believe that the way I’m raising my kids is the best way or I wouldn’t be doing it, but that doesn’t mean I get to make that decision for anybody else!

    So, yeah. Despite the fact that we have practically nothing in common in our parenting styles, I still love reading your blog(s) because you’re funny and honest, and because I don’t want to live in some smug self-satisfied ghetto where everybody thinks the same way I do…

98. pippa on January 25th, 2007 2:38 pm

    Unfortunately, it’s the extremes on both sides that do most of the damage. You have the happy medium I crave; you get out of the house and dress in real clothes and get to be a grown-up some of the time, and stay home with Riley part of the time.

    There are people out there who do let others totally raise their children. I see them at my girlfriend’s daycare, where parents drop the kids off at 7:30 and don’t pick them up until after daycare is supposed to close at 5:30. These kids often eat all three meals at daycare, go home, take a bath, and go to bed, to start it all the next day. Those are the parents I don’t understand.

99. s on January 29th, 2007 10:22 pm

    Okay, just have to say: the expression should be “I COULDN’T care less” not “I COULD care less” … think about it people ;).

100. Jem on February 9th, 2007 3:51 pm

     I hate it when they cut the hair too short but sometimes its the only way…with mine I need a good 3 inches or so off and I know it and my hairdresser knows it even though I’m trying to deny it.

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