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Nov
30
I took the kids to Target with me this morning and before I released them from the car I cranked myself around in my seat and delivered a Stern Maternal Lecture on how I wanted them to behave in the store.
“No running,” I intoned. “No screaming. No touching. Got it?”
“Got it,” said Riley.
“We don’t run and we don’t open the door and that coyote runned off in the woods and that’s enough milk, WIGHT?” said Dylan.
(We call him the Non Sequitur these days.)
The minute I dragged them through the automatic doors (after both of them bonked repeatedly into the closed EXIT doors, like they do every single time), though, it all went to hell. You know the expression “like herding cats,” right? It’s like that, only worse. Take two cats who are basically high on retail fumes and overstimulated by the many colorful displays and siphon out at least 50% of their brain cells so they are utterly oblivious to things like approaching carts, and NOW head ‘em up, Rawhide.
They frustrate me to no end in places like Target, but they aren’t exactly misbehaving. They’re overcome with the fun of it, pointing at things and squealing at top volume about the DOGGIE (on the dog food packaging, for god’s sake) and generally being children having a good (loud) time together, but I look around and I never (NEVER!) see other kids acting like this. Other kids are either standing by their mothers or tucked into the top of the cart, not galloping hand in hand through the aisles like deranged caribou.
I shush, I nag, I threaten, I rush through my shopping with a grimly frozen face, and I don’t really know what to do about it. I like that they’re having fun, but I worry that they’re being annoying, and I hate having to constantly push them out of people’s way or hiss “Guys. COME ON!” for the trillionth time when they get distracted by some mesmerizing object like a display of paper towels (Dylan: “HEYYY! WE have DOSE!”).
I’ve always been pretty hyper-aware of not allowing my kids to bug other folks if I can help it, because I never, ever assume that the things I find amusing are also going to be well-received by people who did not birth these hellions. But there I was in line at Target, fairly exhausted from iron-gripping these kids through the store, and the boys suddenly start doing this weird marching thing back and forth while Riley chirps “I-AM-A-CHRIST-MAS-ROB-OT!” (basically exactly like this) and Dylan laughs and laughs because HA HA HA RILEY IS A ROBOT and oh my god, you guys. What is a person even supposed to do in this situation? Who has to say “STOP BEING A CHRISTMAS ROBOT RIGHT NOW” in public?
(I didn’t say a damn thing. I pretended I didn’t know them.)
Do any of you have kids who act like . . . giddy drunken sailors when you’re out and about? What do you do, other than avoid all shopping until they’re surly resentful teenagers?
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We have a relativley strict Keep One Hand On The Cart policy, which cuts down on the galloping hordes factor. But Christmas robot? Who wouldn’t love that? My kids like to introduce themselves as “the (name)Bot 2000. I. Am. Functional.”
I don’t have kids so I don’t have any advice for you…
but you did make me snort in the library with the “I-AM-CHRIST-MAS-ROB-OT!”.
Good times. :)
I don’t know because I’m not a parent but I enjoy seeing kids having fun. It reminds the rest of us to chill out, ya know? Of course, there should still be manners but stuff like that would bring a smile to my non-parent face.
I can do shopping because they get the eyes but I think we’ve been subliminally banned from all restaurants in a 50 mile radius. The children, they can not use their inside voices, they can not eat their food without making a horrendous mess, they can’t even manage to sit down. I tip very well and clean up as best I can. It’s like they’re little savages when we go out to eat, but for now those little savages can just stay to home.
I did make my daughter try on jeans in the middle of the kids section in Walmart a couple of weeks ago, with a couple of racks and the carriage containing my barely-patient son as a screen against “people SEEING her”! Come on, just put the damn pants on.
Also, retailers? Please no more skinny jeans for pre-pubescent girls. Can we just make some nice denim jeans that don’t have “future playtoy” written all over them?!?
P.S. “Stop being a Christmas Robot RIGHT NOW”? Yes!!!! Say it!
Are you sure those weren’t my children?
My SuperTarget has 3-seater carts and gives out free cookies from the bakery, and I think I will still be strapping my kids in and bribing them with sweets when they are 20.
I don’t have children, but I love kids. As long as they’re not sobbing/screaming – who cares! Agree w/ Amber above-seeing two fun kids like Dylan and Riley would put a smile on my face! Enjoy them. :)
I’m a grown-ass woman and I STILL bonk into the closed exit doors every. Single. Time.
Where did Riley come up with the Christmas Robot bit? I would high-five any kid I heard saying that!
I put them IN the cart. And insist on them sitting down or we are LEAVING RIGHT NOW!!! And then I ignore the volume. Otherwise I’m a sweaty anxious wreck of a mother and vow never to leave the house again. But mostly I shop alone whenever possible. Grin.
My 4-year old son, Charlie, acts EXACTLY like this. I’m so happy to read your experience as I thought I might be the only one. I have chalked it up to him being a BOY, and living with boys has been a real eye opener for me, a girl who grew up with only sisters. Boys are loud, gross, energetic, obnoxious, and funny. Charlie keeps me in stitches with the bat shit insane things he comes up with on a daily basis.
Long story short, I just try to go to Target at times when it is not crowded so he doesn’t run into people as he runs up and down the aisles, excited by the sight of toys, underwear, crackers, PLATES!
I dunno, my 2 boys act EXACTLY like that in stores! Sometimes I get a break if I only take one of them, other times my 3.99 year old (his birthday is next week) sticks his hand out of the cart & knocks off every box of cereal he can reach from the shelf.
My kids are those kids as well. I don’t understand how those other mothers get her kids to stand close and just FOLLOW. Mine are 9 (boy) and 7 (girl) and they are absolute hellions wherever we go, exactly as you are describing; they are entertaining one another, but they are being LOUD WHILE THEY’RE DOING IT, and I am soo hypersensitive to not wanting to piss other people off. I, too, hiss the “get OVER HERE” to get them out of the way of people’s carts. I really thought they’d grow out of it, but oddly enough just today (before I read your post) I was remembering them at 4 and 2 doing basically the same thing. So what i’m saying is, I think we’re both screwed. Don’t be like me, though…enjoy it/embrace it more, because they grow up WAY too fast and mine don’t have chubby little hands anymore:(
I have a 2 year old and he’s fairly exuberant. But I agree with Alexa, as long as they’re not sobbing or screaming, where’s the harm in being excited? It’s not going to last forever, they’re not misbehaving, and there is too much to worry about to add this type of behavior to the list. I say have fun!
i have three boys and i swing between not taking them out in public and just letting them rock it out. they’re kids, i’ll reign them in if they’re actually being obnoxious little snots, but if they’re just being kids.. meh.
christmas robot totally cracked me up ;)
I only have a 2 year old, but I’m pretty sure he’s going to be the same Christmas robot in Target soon. My mom hates shopping with him because he’s exactly like your boys, although I tend to toss him in the cart and drive him around. I know I should make him be quiet and stand next to the cart but he’s still a kid and he likes to run around and look at things. So I keep hoping he’s going to grow up so much more mature than he is now. I’m sure I’m just screwing myself in the long run though.
My kid is insane in stores. But luckily I seem to live in an area where all the other kids are, too. I do strap her into the cart, though. And bring lots of snacks. And make threats. And beg, plead, and grit my teeth. Then after all of that stress and shushing and effort, I end up leaving the store with nothing on my list.
I think you should post video and get that extra income from You Tube coming in already…You can keep this stuff all to yourself!
Yeah, my boys are exactly like that too. They totally wig out whenever I take them to a retail-type place. I think those well-behaved kids must all be girls.
Oh thank god!! I thought it was just mine that did those things. I’ve got a six and four year and while I love giving them the freedom to just be kids, the deranged little monkeys make me wonder sometimes! ;) It makes it even harder that we homeschool too and we are sometimes out and about during school hours and my two are dressed up as full on pirates (again) and while behaving very politely, calling everyone “matey” and saying “ahoy” to every person that walks by gets us a few odd looks! I am so jealous of it!!
I guess you CAN keep it all to yourself, but you shouldn’t… ;.)
I say let your kids be kids and pity the other children in the store who have obviously been turned into very boring robots already ;) As long as your kids aren’t directly affecting anybody else’s ability to shop, they can’t possibly be any more annoying than some of the grown-ups I’ve encountered in Target (who talks about their menstrual flow on speaker phone in a loud voice in the dressing rooms, anyhow????) and it’s possible that your embarrassment of their behavior is actually calling more attention to it than it would have otherwise gotten! I love seeing kids be excited about stuff way more than I like seeing people be frustrated or upset. If they’re not misbehaving, then anyone who has a problem with them shouldn’t even be on your radar ;)
I have no advice for Target behavior, but I can’t hear “I-AM-A-CHRIST-MAS-ROB-OT!” in any voice but Tracy-Morgan-as-Tracy-Jordan’s.
Did you go to Target with MY kids? Cuz yeah, that pretty much sounds like every time I go with my two. Except for the CHRIS-MAS-ROW-BOT. Damn that’s funny! I’d have started cracking up right there. good stuff.
But on a serious note, my feeling is: if they’re happy with smiles on their faces and YOU are doing your best to rein them in and aren’t letting them go CA-RAZY then we’re all good.
It’s the kids that are screaming and crying and whining for every damn thing, throwing effing fits, and then the parents don’t say shit about it that really REALLY bother me when I’m in a store.
Target in particular brings out the wild hellion in my almost-4 son. Just last week, I had to admonish him “Do you see that nice lady trying to shop right there? She doesn’t want to watch you hop like a frog in front of her cart.” At which point said nice lady looks straight at him and says “well, actually you are a very good frog”. I can’t believe I did it now but I then turned my maternal gaze and tone on her and said “You. Need. To. Help. Me” and she started to laugh and said to my son “Listen to your mother.” So maybe people aren’t quite as irritated by their behavior as it seems while you are in the stress of the moment.
My kids act the same and all I can say is that I know I draw more attention to them by telling them to stop, so now, I let them be kids and have fun, and I am a happier Mommy.
Target has kick ass carts for 2 kids. There is no way I could let my two out of the cart. I’d never see them again.
You know what, I used to take my little kids to the store and swear that I never saw anybody else’s kids behaving like mine were — which is pretty much as you describe — being exuberant and INTO everything and rather active and LOUD. So now I wonder, were other moms thinking the same thing about their kids and we just weren’t noticing each other’s children? Or maybe the other kids we were seeing were older or younger than ours? Or maybe you and I are the only ones in the world with good-hearted rambunctious kids who go to Target; I dunno.
On the rare occasions that I see this kind of behavior in public, though, now, I love it. My kids are too big to point out that DUDE WE HAVE PAPER TOWELS TOOOO! and I kind of miss that sometimes. (But it is totally radawesome when you can send them across the store when you’re buried in a long checkout line and you just remembered something you need. So you have this to look forward to.)
PS I need a link to the titty-baby-man-titanic-cryer story when it’s up, please…?
I think anyone who is bothered by playful fun and kids in wonderment of everyday things should not be shopping at Target, and I would tell them so too. I’m 22, but I still love seeing kids having fun and often have to stop myself laughing when their mothers are admonishing them (and probably about to kill themselves laughing too).
Believe it or not most people don’t mind kids especially when they are just being kids. No one expects children to act like miniature adults. As long as they aren’t tearing the place up and tripping people don’t sweat it.
Think you can get Riley to do the Xmas Robot for the camera? I’d love to see it!
Oh man, if I’d seen the hilarious “I-am-a-Christ-mas-ro-bot” thing in real life, it would have made me WANT a kid, not the opposite. I probably would have been the lady encouraging them from the other checkout line, cracking up so much that they kept doing it even more.
Yes! My children are EXACTLY like that. They are (mostly) just enjoying the experience of being out, because, you know, we live in a cave and I never take them ANYWHERE! So when I do, apparently it’s a big deal. Grocery store, Disneyland, makes no difference, because LOOK LOOK, MOMMY LOOK!
I’m with you though…hyper aware of the cute/annoyingness of kids being kids. Because nothing is worse than clueless parents who let their spawn run wild in a public space.
Hello, my name is AdequateMom and my child is a giddy drunken sailor. 100%, hands-down, for ever and ever, amen.
….And naturally, I have no useful advice.
I have two girls (3&4) and they are INSANE at the target. Insaaane. Last time we were there i was putting items on the belt, turned back around and they were gone. They’d hopped on some poor elderly woman’s driving cart and went for a ride. I don’t know who was more horrified, me or the poor 700 year old woman manning the vehicle some 30 yards away with two strange children squeeling on the back of her ride. Buries head in hands.
isn’t it weird? You can take them out and about all you like and still when you arrive at a location all of a sudden it’s: “HOLY CRAP FREEDOM! I HAVE NEVER BEEN OUTSIDE MY HOME! EVER!” My son has to touch everything that comes near him. Everything. And the shouting narration of everything we pass, dear lord.
Best part of blog posts like this, you realize that your batshit insane children are really not the only ones!
I agree with everyone else who has said they enjoy seeing kids having fun in stores. I get a real kick out of seeing their happy little faces, and I think most reasonable people feel the same way.
JennB-I don’t know if you will see this, but Land’s End has some really nice girls clothes that aren’t hootchie momma. When my daughter was young, I couldn’t believe what Walmart and other stores had as a selection for young girls, it was truly appalling. I went for years only ordering from Land’s End, and they have some nice overstock sales where you can get some great deals.
My son is pretty well behaved (he is 5) but he does like those carts that seat 3 kids… my 2 yr old daughter however is one of those kids who either is an angel or a she-devil and I never know which child I am taking into the target (or the walmart, or the grocery store)…. yesterday we had to run into the grocery store for just a handful of items… I picked up one of those little baskets instead of a big cart and she INSISTED on carrying the darn thing… it was fine empty but two items later she was huffing and puffing but NO we couldnt let the basket go… we finally compromised and carried it together… the 5 min trip, took easily 15…… and that was a fairly good day…on bad days, I park the cart and leave the store empty handed.
I was in Target yesterday and I almost ran down two (maybe) 8 year olds who were running full tilt through the store, around and around the aisles. It was then that I suddenly realized why my mom used to hiss at me through clenched teeth, to cut it out. It sounds like you have a way better handle on yours, and they’re younger. I have to admit I wanted to yell at those kids, but I couldn’t catch up to them.
Mine are EXACTLY like that. So, I don’t take them shopping. It is more stressful for me than anyone else around me that is for sure. But when they get loco like that, I forget to buy things (even when I have a list). So, if I HAVE to take them both which I don’t that often now because the older one is in Kindergarten, I will drive totally out of the way, and spend more money than I normally would and hit up Fred Meyer! I drop those rabid beasts, I mean lovely angels at the kids club and shop in peace. It’s worth it to not feel like my kids are acting like they are being raised by wolves and and me acting like one to get them to behave DAMN IT. :)
jess. you win. that is so friggin funny!
I use bribery on my 2.5. So if he’s good he can go through the toy section and set off all the toys he wants and/or he gets a juice at the end of the trip. It doesn’t always work but mostly I keep him in the cart and keep moving. Trips are not enjoyable and there is still a fair amount of rambunctious behavior but in general I can get through it without complete meltdowns. And it sounds to me like your boys are generally well-behaved but just excited which to me are two entirely different things.
Umm, that’s my kid. Although, he also likes to lay down in the middle of the floor. He likes how cool (in temp) it is. I try to let him be a kid as much as possible, but understand that others won’t agree. We also try to go shopping during times other families would go, does that make sense? I figure its my job to let me kids explore the world and learn from it, not constantly tell them what they can’t do.
Um, that didn’t make sense. Meant to say well-behaved but excited is different than misbehaving.
Parents nagging at their children constantly is ten times more annoying than kids having fun!
I don’t have kids but offer this: take them to the store when you don’t need to go to the store. I see parents being so frustrated by their kids behavior because the parents are multitasking. What I observe is that they can’t take the time to actually teach kids how to behave in public because the reason for the outing takes precedence. I think it would be easier on parent and child if you make that lesson the sole objective of going to the store. I realize not every parent has the time to do that but if I understand correctly, you’re in a position to add that lesson to your homeschooling. Just a thought.
Thank you for just giving me a chuckle and letting me know that there are others out there like me with freaking crazy boys!
The funniest encounter I’ve ever had with a kid in a store was a little boy in Victoria’s Secret, waiting with Dad while Mom shopped. He got loose and ran circles around a rack of bras, yelling “BOOBIESBOOBIESBOOBIESBOOBIES!!” Now every time my husband and I pass a VS we yell the same thing.
My point is I agree with the other commenters: Goofy, funny, excited kids are just that, and often provide a much-needed laugh for other people. Screaming, misbehaving, whining kids – well, that’s what Benadryl and duct tape is for. ;-)
@Carrie, I LOVE how you handled that! Motherhood should be a team effort. :-)
I so get this…
I think you’re missing out on a prime memory-making moment. Join in the fun! Laugh and stop and look at packing and walk through Target like a robot! Your kids will LOVE it. Who cares what other people think??
I laughed out loud at this post (’hey – we have dose!’) and Jess’s comment. What a visual!
And my kids do this too – they are 2 and 5 and when you get them together in ANY situation where I need them to be chill, they just can’t control themselves. They aren’t really misbehaving, just being rambunctious, which is super fun to them but tends to stress me out in public, just like it does you.
Kids will be kids, I guess!
Target is a piece of cake. All children who behave at Target while Mama shops get to play with the toys in the toy section once Mama is done. If extra bribing is needed, well-behaved children may sometimes select an item from the dollar bins at the end of the trip. Playing with toys (not buying any, mind you) works about 90% of the time.
Taking my kids to Target (or anywhere, really) sounds about the same! I have to keep them in the cart because they are CRAZY! Aside from all of this, I also have to do a cart check since I have ended up buying random crappola that they snatched from the shelves!
Good times!
I really like Katherine’s idea of making ‘going to the store’ a lesson!
My two cents… Pick the few hard, fast rules of behavior at the store and enforce those. Let everything else go unreacted to. Combine this with praising them on “acting like big boys and (playing with the toy they brought/letting people pass the in the aisle/staying where you can see them/etc)”.
Also switch your pregame talk around from ‘no running, no biting, no gouging!’ to something like… ‘When we go in the store you guys get to practice being big boys! Who’s going to show me how they use their inside voice/manners/whatevs? Are you ready for a fun trip to the store? K, let’s do this thang!’:)
If you assume they are going to behave like animals they will fulfill that request/assumption.
(Standard nonMom disclaimer. I don’t have any of my own but I play one on TV. I nanny.) ;)!
I would much rather hear an adorable child yelling “I am a Christmas Robot!” than hear or see an irate mother beat or yell at her children. Let your kids’ freak flags fly, I say. :)
I think kids having a good time are awesome, but if they aren’t behaving like you want them to, then they are misbehaving. Make ‘em hold on to the cart if they break a rule. If they misbehave when they are holding the cart they get a time out when they get home. Hissing at them will only stress you out, kids are experts at totally ignoring that tone.
Oh, I needed this tonight! My kids have been bananas today. They must wrestle/Star Wars fight/be up each other’s asses ALL THE TIME! But, you know what? They are just being 5 and 3 and cooped up inside and normal. Our kids are normal! Sometimes, I forget that they are not little adults.
I will remember this post and all the other comments next time I am in Target. Or, Lord help me, Trader Joe’s with their little carts that cannot stop bumping my ankles. Aaahhhhhhhhhhhh!
I have the loudest children on the planet. 6 & 7, a year apart, and every word is spoken at full volume. They’re sweeties, and well behaved, just in a very loud, very obnoxious, very distracting sort of way. So basically, I have to ignore 97% of what the say in the store because otherwise I’d be sqwawking at them nonstop.
Some battles aren’t worth the fight. They’re kids. If they’re being funny, and cute, and not hurting anyone? I say let it ALL hang out.
I can’t stand shopping with my kids. I’ve tried to find ways of shopping without them, but leaving two boys in the car is apparently frowned upon in most states.
My kids try to be good, bless them. But they just can’t be. They don’t see other people. They get stepped on and run over by other shoppers. They back into displays. They giggle hysterically at Christmas decorations and cry hysterically over Halloween decorations. They get in, then out, then in, then out, then in, then out of the cart.
So just look for me. My kids are the ones acting just like yours.
We pretty much always corral our 3yo girls into a cart as soon as we enter a store. Woe be to us if they don’t have a “treat cart” that they can both sit in (either Target’s weirdo cats with two upright seats with buckles that never are in good shape and one seat RIGHT AT THE EDGE, or a “bean” or racecar type cart at the grocery). On the few rare occasions when I’ve taken them out by myself and one of those carts weren’t available, then I’ll put them both in the big part of the cart and insist they SIT. And then, if they’re singing or cracking themselves up or saying, “HEY look at THAT” (or even the Christmas ROBOT) that’s ok with me. If the reaching toward items on the shelves or the poking or kicking gets out of hand, then I give them what for… but otherwise, I try to let them have fun. If I were at Target by myself, I’d want to take a running start and glide down the aisles with one foot on the cart, enjoying the holiday decorations and all the other stuff I never get a chance to look at because it’s usually better to try to just get in and out with the kids around. It’s a pretty fun place.
I certainly don’t give parents of other kids’ anything but empathy if their kids are being jerks… and big smiles if their kids are having fun or being cute (and the Christmas ROBOT is truly cute!)
OMFG, my two did the I-AM-A-RO-BOT routine in checkout a few weeks ago! And I am trying to hiss at them to come here, stay in my sight, and cut it out without looking like a total harpy and failing miserably while other shoppers looked on in.. pity? Amusement? Annoyance? Couldn’t tell, because my GOD I just wanted them to STOP so they were all I could focus on.
Yes. Two boys – 3 and 5. Enough said.
Yeeeeaaahh, can’t help ya. I was looking forward to the day my 1-year-old stopped splashing in the toilet and eating houseplants (dirt included), but now I’m not so sure.
Target has free cookies?
My Target strategy is to go to the snack shop first thing. They have this popcorn-drink combo for $1.50. I get the Diet Coke and they will split the popcorn into two bags. Each kid gets a bag! I get those buggies with the two tiny bucket seats that the kids (6 and 4) barely fit in but too bad. Cramming popcorn into their mouths keeps them settled and happy for a good 15 minutes. It’s true we leave a trail around the store like Hansel and Gretel, but I figure if you sell popcorn, you’ve got to expect to be cleaning up popcorn, right?
Yep, sounds like my kids, and I am also hyper-aware of keeping them from irritating the general public. My solution, which has worked decently so far: buckle them into the Target two-seater cart and let them out if– and only if–they have exhibited reasonably good public behavior during the first half of the expedition (no screaming; no grabbing at each other, passing carts or items on shelves). I generally buckle them back into the cart if there’s a line at checkout, as their…overexuberance tends to get heightened when they’re supposed to stand still.
That’s kinda how *I* act at Target. Especially over those Long and Lean $8 Mossimo tank tops. Love those things.
A few years ago my then eight year old son and 6 year old son had a knock down drag out, punch the crap out each other fight in the middle of the electronic department of Walmart. And then my two year old son had an asthma attack and we had left his inhaler in the car. After trying to break up the fight for a minute I finally just announced very loudly, “You need to knock it off now! Your brother can’t breathe, I need to go to the car so he doesn’t DIE!” Then I walked away. A few aisle away they caught up to me. As I marched to the car I tried not to notice how many other shoppers were staring at the crazy lady and her herd of bratty children.
I’m sorry, I laughed out loud at both deranged caribou and Christmas robot, bwahahahaha! But I know what you mean – I am uber-sensitive about my kids being obnoxious in public. I don’t have any advice or anything like that, just wanted to commiserate.
This completely made me laugh! So thanks for that :)
I’m a high school teacher so I can totally relate. You think because they are teenagers they would behave in a more mature manner but…no. It turns out they are just tall 5 yr olds. I have been known to tell my students (on the way to the library which seems to have the same effect at Target), “If you embarrass me I’ll hunt you down.” Works every time.
;)
I seriously could have written this entry. (Only, y’know, not so well.)
I’ve been working really hard lately on “letting go”. Which is to say that I’m trying to loosen my sphincter enough so that the diamond I’ve been trying to make drops out. While I do agree we should not let our kids be douchenozzles in public I also think maybe it’s ok for them to just be kids. For me, this is still totally a work in progress.
I took my 3 kids (4, 2, & 1) to Old Navy on a Friday night right before supper. There was an insane sale I couldn’t pass up and I needed to get clothes for all 5 of us for family pictures the next day.
The 1yr old was strapped into the stroller and I kept giving him crackers to keep him happy.
The other 2 were off their rockers crazy. Hiding in the racks, crawling under tables, and running all around the store. No matter how hard I tried they would not listen to a word I said. I was embarassed but couldn’t leave until I had found outfits for us all.
I finally caught up to the kids and was giving hell when an employee came up to me.
“looks like you have your hands full!”
No shit, Sherlock. I hear this so many times a day it’s not even funny.
So I reply, “Well, I think they’re hungry so they’re not really listening to me or acting like themselves”
So she says in the sternest (it’s a word, right?) voice ever…
“Listen you two. You better listen to your mother and do as she says. If I see either of you take one hand off this stroller, you are not allowed to stay in this store. Got it?”
She went on for a little longer but I had no clue what she was saying. I was in awe.
My kids were scared shitless and never left my side until I was done.
I have a just turned three princess that rummages through every shoe box and tries every single thing on. I can seriously lose her in the clothing section of Target and find her in the shoes. But yeah, my kids are totally like that. My oldest son went through the “I am a robot” phase and it still makes me giggle when I think about it. The Christmas robot really takes the cake though. That’s amazing stuff! I’m just scared to let go at times because I know they’re going to get run over by someone’s cart or get lost if I don’t stress out about it.
My kids are just as bad, and that’s exactly why I never take them shopping with me, ever.
If it means that I have to do my grocery shopping at Walmart at midnight, then so be it. I’d rather shop with toothless redneck hags and drunk frat boys than my kids any day.
Our Targets don’t play music so every sound seems hyper loud too. You seem like an on the ball mother, you’ll get it figured! In the meantime…the robot thing is kind of hilarious.
I totally could have written this post! I hate going to the store more now than I did when they were toddlers. I constantly say “come here, stay with me, don’t touch that” it is fricking exhausting! I am like you and stress about my kids annoying people and then I worry that I am being annoying by constantly yelling at them. UGH. My solution is to avoid taking them with me :) or taking them one at a time, for some reason they are fine when it is just one.
I think it’s all kids that spaz out in Target. I have a strict in the cart policy and then once I’m done shopping we’ll hang out in the toy section and he is let out for a while. If I let him run around, I’ll never be able to actually get anything and will instead spend the whole trip chasing his 2 year old butt around the store. If I have a wingman with me, I’ll usually let him run around because hey, exercise! and I can get shopping done while the wingman chases him around.
I don’t care about loud. It’s Target for crying out loud. It’s not like you’re going on a romantic dinner date. I don’t like him getting in other people’s way so that’s why when I’m solo he stays contained until the very end and he can play with all the toys.
I don’t have kids, and most of the time I think they are hilarious in stores when they do the things you describe. I would have LOVED to see two little kids being Christmas robots while I was in line tonight at Target. I would have laughed out loud, even. It’s OK for kids to be kids.
“Bull in China Shop” is my 2 yo’s nickname. But both my boys are the same ages as yours and this absolutely is my life. I generally bribe them with the $1 doo-dads at the front of the store “if they’re good”, and I don’t take them with me if I think they’re having an “off” day where bribes and brow-beating won’t work.
I would have joined the robot dance, complete with bad hanging arms. What’s not to be happy about? LOVE seeing happy kids, Linda — not just yours because they are yours. I have stopped Moms and told them how refreshing it is to see happy kids. Ho Ho Ho!
Totally our shopping experience.
The chances of getting anywhere like Target without me freaking the hell out over my kids going crazy increases the fewer children I have with me. 3, it’s a bloody circus. 2, slightly calmer but still pretty damn crazy. 1, and we are chatting and monkeying a little but I can take it. Zero, and I glide through the aisles in pure bliss.
I think the minute you have more than 1 kid with you, it becomes a playground, and there’s not a lot you can do to avoid it. Except maybe shop after 9 when they’re in bed? A friend of mine used to do that.
My kids are surly resentful teenagers. And while I appreciate that you are trying not to irritate me at Target, cute little kids having fun with a mom who is paying attention will not irritate me.
Here is what irritates me. It can be found at the Lynnwood Walmart at the aisle intersection near women’s lingerie, or any other big store. Horrible children running and screaming and hitting each other, while their mother (or father) either ignores them or screeches at them without ever doing anyting about it. Or sometimes mom or dad picks kid up and starts walloping on them, right there in the store. THAT will irritate me. Your boys will probably make my day.
Your Stern Maternal Lecture reminded of this Gary Larson cartoon.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sluggerotoole/153603564/
I’m not sure that I’ve ever seen a well-behaved kid walking beside their parent in a store that wasn’t an only child – or if they weren’t, their sibling was in the cart. What I’m saying is, I’ve never seen a parent with TWO calm, quiet children walking next to them in a store.
There is no way in hell that I would allow both of my kids (3.5 and 5) out of the cart at the same time in a store. No way. They wouldn’t just be acting a fool. They would both run in opposite directions and start grabbing for breakables.
I either go shopping on my lunch break during work hours or I make my husband (who works from home) do the shopping. My kids haven’t seen the inside of our grocery store in probably 2 months.
Two boys who act like your kids.
Here are things I will not stand for:
1. Loud, repetitive “BEEEP” type noises out of them. It annoys me, it has to annoy everyone else. “BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP. BEEEEEEEEEEP. BEEEEEEEEEEP” followed by his little brother’s echo.
2. Getting in the way of other people’s carts/pushing our cart deliberately into other people/people’s carts. Sigh.
Everything else I try to manage without being anal. “If you drag your foot under the cart like that it might get caught and then it will break and you’ll never run again.”
Most people don’t care if your kids act like kids as long as they’re not physically inconvenienced.
My secret? I love to say “No” to my kids in public when they ask for junk; it makes me feel like other people think I’m one of those great disciplined moms. I always smile, too, like We’re All Having A Great Time, I’m Enjoying My Children’s Childhood, I’m A Confidant And Together Mother, Aren’t They A Delight?
Hell, I act that way at Target and I’m almost 40. Love that place. I think they pipe some sort of happy drug into the air there.
OMG, too bad we don’t live in the same city, because that is EXACTLY how my children act in all stores, but especially Target. I feel like I am always herding them and shushing them. so fun, these trips. I feel the same about bugging others, too, but it is near impossible. Glad to hear there are others out there.
Giddy drunken sailor. Yup. Pretty much sums up my two-year-old little girl any time we are not at home. At the first whiff of freedom, she takes off as fast as she can, singing, “I wunning! I wunning!”
All I can say is thank you for this post and to everyone who commented.
I thought I was doing something wrong. Seriously. At times I thought my boys had some sort of behavioral issue that might need to be addressed by a professional.
For short trips for a few items, I just use the speed method, get in and out as quick as possible. For longer trips I usually use bribery, something small ($5 or under) from the toy section if they don’t fight, wander off or get too obnoxious. We do not step foot in the toy section period unless they have behaved themselves. This usually works well, they love the toy section at Target.
Grocery store? Forget it, I shop alone or I don’t shop at all, the grocery store w/ my 5 y/o twins is a nightmare. The 2 y/o is in the cart, so give him something to hold periodically and he is happy, he is my laid back one. The twins are just so excitable, I try to find a balance between letting them explore a bit and have some fun, while not being too loud or bothering anyone. The older they get, the easier it gets, but it still isn’t easy.
Ultimately, my advice is shop ALONE, it is the best solution.
That said, I always try to give a big smile to the moms with the kids like mine when I am out alone, and when they apologize for something their kids have done, I always let them know I have small ones at home too and that I completely understand, and I do.
Also, jess – you win for best comment, I laughed so hard. Great story, great visual. Still chuckling at that one.
It’s the stores fault. They purposely design the store so kids get over stimulated and harrass their parents in order to get them to SPEND MORE MONEY.
OK I don’t have kids, but I still believe it’s the stores fault. I HATE parents of screaming kids when they do NOTHING to stop the screaming. If the parent tries, that’s OK because you can’t stop it all the time. However, if I knew your exact route through the store by the howling of your kid – give up and get the hell out of the store.
Sofia is like that in stores sometimes, where by “sometimes” I mean “all the time” and by “stores” I mean “everywhere”.
The thing that kills me is how distracted she gets. It’s ridiculous. She got so distracted by a display of laundry detergent at Fred Meyer the other day that she almost walked face-first into some woman’s cart and nearly got decapitated. The poor woman had to swerve like a drunken trucker to avoid her, and in the process she almost hit some other guy’s cart, which almost caused a chain reaction. If it weren’t for the woman’s lightning reflexes, my laundry detergent zombie child would have caused an ten-cart pileup.
Laundry detergent isn’t something Sofia even cares about, but it’s *something*, and by God *things* have to be *looked at*, even if it costs her her life. If you wanted to disprove evolution, Exhibit A should be “dumb-ass five-year-old store behavior”. Who’s selecting THAT out of our gene pool, Mr. Darwin?
Mine behave like they’ve drunk a bottle of rum and eaten 10 pounds of brightly coloured sweeties. Exactly the same as yours, SHOUTING and SCREAMING and DASHING IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS. I’ve taken to telling strangers “sorry, we don’t usually take them out of the house.” If it’s a restaurant or something I generally tell them to shush or else no pudding but if it’s a shop.. eh. As long as they are not actually ramming into people then I just laugh along. And most people tend to giggle at them, especially when they are singing or shouting “MUMMY, CAN WE HAVE THIS CAN WE CAN WE CAN WE?”
[...] was going to leave a comment at Linda’s blog but I decided I had so much to say about the subject of controlling kids in public places – [...]
My comment got too long so I wrote my own entry:
http://www.misszoot.com/2010/12/01/wranglin/
but what works for my kids, may not work for yours. Also? My kids break stuff ALL THE TIME at stores. Just this week we broke a snow globe at hobby lobby.
(Yes. I’m an idiot for letting my 2yo handle a snow globe. I know.)
I would make you feel much better about your little hellions when you see me coming with my four crazy boys (actually, only 3 because the 1 year old is much more containable for now). The three older ones (8,6, and 3) can’t stop wrestling, tackling, running, squealling, karate chopping, clothes-lining, laughing, yelling, jumping, climbing and otherwise not acting like the well-behaved children that I told myself I would have when I was judging other mothers of wild children before I had my own batch. How many times have I given the same pre-game lecture in the car to no avail?
I am torn between further tormenting myself with future outings because “they-need-to-learn-how-to-behave-in-public-and-they-aren’t-going-to-control-me” and preserving my sanity by leaving them behind. Sometimes though, I really wish I could let go of my ideas of how they “should” behave based largely on how others are going to judge us and just enjoy their giggles and laughter and boundless energy…right up until we head off to the ER.
Just read Scott’s reply about his laundry detergent zombie child and am DYING! Awesome!
I really do want to just let go and laugh at them and with them (provided I can keep them out of the ER).
One more thing…Linda, you are awesome! I love reading your posts.
My kid is like this sometimes, but then we usually make her sit in the cart. We have some rather strict rules about not-sitting-in-the-cart behavior but sometimes she’s just having so much fun careening around the corners and hiding in the clothing racks etc. I don’t always want to enforce them. But she’s also sometimes quite capable of standing by my side calmly. Don’t know what it depends on.
I have two girls (almost 9, almost 7) and girls are different, right? Quieter, calmer… Errrrr, NO, not in shops, anyway. It’s the same thing – they don’t misbehave (don’t break things, don’t even touch things really), but they play “no-running-hide-and-seek” and it drives me BATSHIT. They have strict instructions to not leave the shop (and they’re well-behaved enough for me to trust them absolutely on that one), but I still hate it (you should bear in mind I’m talking about a pretty small local supermarket, not a gigantic place, where they’re not allowed to wander off at all).
There are many reasons why I order all my food shopping on the internet in the peace and quiet of the night and get it delivered… But this is certainly one of them!
I still get the shakes and tear up when I think of the Great Winter Coat Shopping Experience of 2010. Thank God for Aunti Anne’s pretzels and Diet Coke, otherwise we all would have died that day.
You aren’t alone in this experience, trust me.
YES.
This is my boys EXACTLY.
I have nothing else to offer you. I sometimes wonder if it is especially a function of two young boys, close in age? Mine are 1.5 years difference, similar ages to your boys. And they are flipping insane.
So I haven’t read all the comments, because my guilty pleasure checking your site is all I have time for, but I have to say since they’re going to do it anyway you might as well love them and have fun while they’re doing it. Having that grim face (which I have many a time) really doesn’t do anything but draw attention to the wrong-ness of it, so it might be better to go with the flow and enjoy it as long as they’re not in harm’s way. Sure it’s loud (and I have two girls, so I don’t know the half of it but they can get pretty obnoxious too), but this phase won’t last so long. Love them, live a little more and don’t worry about the judgment. Because folks will judge you either way.
You have described my children – minus loud renditions of “Shake your booty” down the main aisle of Target while shaking said booty. I pretend I’m the nanny.
I try to never bring my beasts out in public. I HATE shopping with them.
I can’t read through the 100 comments, because I should be working, but if I were in line behind you I would have cracked the hell up at the Christmas Robot. (And I have no kids). I try to be sympathetic to moms in stores who are having a hard time wrangling their kids. Indeed, I am the person in IKEA who goes to grab your child as they topple out of the cart head first when you turned around to order your hot dogs. I swear I am not trying to kidnap Jr. just prevent a concussion.
Sometimes though I get annoyed, mostly at whining. My god, the whining.
My latest trick at target is the $1.50 bag of popcorn and drink. I usually ask them to give me two half filled bags. It really makes the trip much more pleasant for only a little bit of money.
I agree with the majority here, your kids sound like a total hoot! Yes, maybe they are loud and a bit in the way, but that’s part of being a kid. In all seriousness, if it makes you batty, put them in the cart, no exceptions to getting out. My mom and aunt came up with the brilliant idea that you didn’t actually have to touch the cart the whole time if you were old enough to walk, but that anytime one of them said, “cart!” you had to be able to reach it. Including in the parking lot. If you failed at being close enough, you had to ride in the cart for the remainder of the outting.
Also, and I hate to say it, but be prepared to leave a full cart of groceries in Aisle 12 while swinging by customer service to notify them that you had to stop your shopping due to the crazy, crying, wild child you are currently dragging out the door and straight home. While slightly embarassing, its better than finishing your shopping stressed out with a freaking out child.
Good luck! (I’ll be giggling the rest of the day over Christmas Robot and “Heyy! We have dose!!!” paper towels.)
Ok, I have never felt like I had more in common with you until I read this post… and there have been MANY posts where I have felt like we were kindred spirits… especially where feral children are involved. Mine do the same thing… it is incredibly embarassing. Add to that the 5yo’s occasional sprinkling of self righteous defiance and you’ve got yourself a bangin good time. or not. I feel your pain in a big way sister friend.
This describes EXACTLY how my sister and I were at that age. I’m sure it was incredibly embarrassing to my mom. She pretty much stopped taking us on errands when I was about 6 or 7 – she’d go food shopping at night or on the weekend.
I’m not a parent nor do I plan on being one but I’d of been busting a gut laughing at the Christmas Robot bit. I love to see kids who are having fun. Heck, I’d be tempted to join in their fun.
We go first thing Sunday morning while all the good church folks are doing there thing. That way, when he blindly tears down the isle between towels and seasonal he doesn’t hurt anyone.
Also, I am pretty lucky because he still loves helping so as long as I need something every few isles I can keep him booking from the shelf to the cart.
All you women who can get’em in the cart I raise a glass to you, Short Stack hasn’t tollerated a cart in a year … and he’s TWO.
if they aren’t being bad they are at least staying near you. Mine takes off like a greyhound at the races if you don’t have a death grip on his hand. When he gets loud and laughing or silly and tries to dash away, I just smile apologetically to others as I catch him. They usually just smile back. So unless they are being bad it might not be as bad as you think!
He will tolerate the cart still (and if they’ll ride the car ones, so much the better!) so we have that thank goodness, or I’ve been known to put him on my shoulders in a pinch. (Although that wouldn’t work with two!)
dude. all you need to do is come to target when i’m there with my three boys dylan’s age and you will feel MUCH better.
Yep. If I take only one of the three then it is, slightly, less loud and herding of the cats, slightly. Add in the other two and it suddenly becomes a loud, excited, fighting version of herding of the cats. It always happens when the Target is freakishly quiet as well.
I laugh… Only because mine are old enough to be past this….. Kind of…. One time, I was in the fabric store and the girls were “shopping” (and I use this term very loosely). I hadn’t seen them in a few seconds and had been calling them by name with no response. So, I start the counting ritual. I say, in just above a whisper, “Oooooone…..”. From several isles away (at the top of her lungs), my older one states “She’s counting, Com’on!” and heads my direction. Being left behind, my younger one asks (also at the top of her lungs) “we gonna get a beatin”?
One lady didn’t know whether to laugh or call CPS. But, I changed my threat after that.
Hilarious and so true to my experiences, too! Thanks for sharing. My 2.5 yr old daughter gets so wild and grabby in stores. The world is her playground – especially at places like Target where everything breakable and brightly colored is within a toddler’s reach. I rarely come out of shopping with everything I need in a short amount of time because I’m so distracted by scolding and saying “we can’t take that home with us!” Still I try to enjoy her view of the world and get her a simple treat once in a while.
Ha, deranged caribou.
No time to read other comments so I’ll just say this, and sorry if I’m repeating myself. My boyfriend is European and oh let me tell you that it’s just the crazy Americans who worry so much about kids and noise and whatnot. They are KIDS and they are acting like KIDS and they should and that’s fine (you point out yourself, they’re not misbehaving. They’re just being KIDS!) For goodness sakes, let’s let them be kids and let’s learn to smile indulgently at the freaking cuteness of it all (whether they’re our kids or not, whether they temporarily block a Target aisle or not) and not get so upset or worried over it. Plenty of time for them to be boring and responsible later in life. And if anyone doesn’t like it, seriously, I think they need to take a step back and really considers what matters in life. I’d much rather be entertained by singing children in Target than get wherever I need to be five minutes faster. I remember being that age, I miss that age. And by the way? All this applies to what you describe, which is normal, kids being kids. When they are out of control and misbehaving and screaming and generally being completely unparented? Then I get really annoyed. THOSE kids should not be brought to Target. Your kids? Anytime.
Ditto to what many others have said — I don’t have kids either, and “I-AM-A-CHRIST-MAS-ROB-OT!” would have absolutely cracked me up.
In fact, kids who are being funny/energetic/annoying in public often crack me up… I think we childless folk are often LESS annoyed with kids than their parents are, because they’re fun to play with and we’re not around them all the time.
No screaming, no touching – or what? Concrete and realistic consequence needed! We had many a “no touching, or X when we get home” conversations.
(Also the one-hand-on-the-cart trick works wonders on the galloping.)
Yeah, my kids act crazy at Target too. And my 6 yo also likes to pretend to be a robot. Only he forgets how a robot holds its arms/hands and ends up holding his arms straight out with his palms facing down (instead of each other). And, of course, it looks like he is goose stepping up and down the aisles. Thank goodness he is in school now, so I can go with just the 3 yo, who is slightly more manageable by himself.
I have 3 kids like that. And the youngest (3) is the worst, not just because he’s 3 but because of his personality. I look forward to the day when they are calm. I expect that will be at age 40. Things are improving though, my oldest, now 7, used to bolt and run away from me right after her brother was born. That was not fun. And FWIW, we do consequences, choices, whatever you want to call it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t no matter how consistent you are. It’s a still a crap shoot with the little ones.
I think you need to lower your standards of acceptability:) If it is in the middle of the day (i.e. not later than a reasonable child’s bedtime), then other Target shoppers should expect loud, rambunctious kids. It’s not the crystal section at Neiman Marcus. (I assume there is such a thing, but I’ve never actually been in a NM). People who really dislike loud, rambunctious kids could shop at Target at times kids would less likely be there – or suck it up.
My kids are a disgrace at Target, but what can you do? I make all kinds of rules and try to enforce them and all it does is make me forget everything I went to Target for and require me to go back, usually again with the kids. If we escape Target without injury, and I have purchased at least 50% of what I needed — total success.
Since I’ve become a parent, I have a WEALTH of patience for other people’s kids in public because that’s just how they are and nothing short of leaving them at home (not usually possible) or keeping them in those hound dog cages hunters have will change that.
My six year old daughter (my youngest) HAS TO TOUCH EVERYTHING. The grocery store is the worst because the aisles are narrower and crowded with cardboard displays of Lowry seasoning or Pepperidge farm cookies that are just asking to be knocked over, frankly. She runs her fingers along the edge of the shelves, collects ALL the coupons from the coupon thingies, leaps in front of my cart just when I’m moving again and is just generally a pain in the ass. But, she is who she is: enthusiastic, chatty, physical. I love her but a routine trip to the store wears me out!
OMG this is exactly what a trip to ANY store is like…so thankful it isn’t just me!
Hysterical, but get this…
Girl is 13 and boy is nearly 10
In store, mega store, grocery and other sundries…
totally doing shit just to get a rise out of me. I detest being the “get over here” Mom, so I try and laugh it off or just get away from whatever is amusing them at the time…(they are old enough for this)
so I finally say, “Do you ever want to come to this store with me again?” and the girl says, very loudly…Nah, we will be satisfied with this trip, thank you, Mother” in a totally serious voice, and the boy chimes in with “Remember last time, she locked us in the closet for 2 days, be quiet and don’t aggrivate her”.
I adore my children and their senses of humor, what would I do without it?
Yes, my face was beet red for the rest of the shopping trip and NO, I don’t lock them in the closet.
it’s all good, Linda, just keep on keepin’ on.
My son, no matter the store, wants to sit in the cart without that plastic thing that makes a seat in the front. So he puts it up, but then his feet don’t go through the leg holes in the cart and he goes into fits. I have to bribe him with a cookie from the bakery, but Target? No bakery. We went to the mall last night to get a brithday gift for my husband and I thought I was going to die for having to control/cajole/herd him. And I have another on the way. Sigh.
HAHAHAHAHAHAA!! I can’t wait until I have to deal with this too!!! I hope I can be as humerous about it as you are!!
OMG. Thank you for writing this. My children are always THOSE CHILDREN while shopping. I already don’t enjoy shopping, but then taking them with me into places where there are glass items EVERYWHERE, gah!
OMG – This was perfect. I laughed so hard reading this post.
Thank you for being honest and telling it like it is – we can all relate!
I just have to say, you are my daily dose of laughter. I love reading your blog. You. Are. Awesome!
You KNOW those other children aren’t REAL children, right? They are the robotic clones that filthy rich parents buy to fill in for their real, normal-behaving children, who are all at home hog-tied in the parlor, or nursery or whatever filthy rich people call their rooms!
My eight-year-old daughter is CONSTANTLY walking and talking in stores without looking where she is going and banging into people’s trolleys and I spend the whole time saying “Charlotte, watch where you are going!” and “Don’t run off somewhere that I can’t see you” etc. Her latest thing is taking her “purse” with her to the store and then she spends the whole time swinging it windmill-style around her body and I can just SEE an entire shelf of china being smashed into a million pieces …..
Oh gosh yes, my son does all of that stuff, ESPECIALLY AT TARGET. What is it with these kids and Target? I feel the same as you though–that the other kids are being so good and so calm and so quiet. So, those other kids must be doing the same thing when we aren’t looking, right?
1) your kids are awesome and normal and happy. These are all good (if exhausting) things.
2) it’s Target. Not Macy’s. It’s fine.
3) whenever I see energetic kids at the store, I smile. Sometimes I get to interact with the Christ-mas-ro-bots, which is always a gas! Usually I smile at mom or dad and tell them that they’ve got great kids.
As long as they aren’t tantrum-ing, spoiled monsters, they’re great kids. Parents don’t hear that enough, I think. Or if they hear it, they rarely believe it long enough.
You, dear, have GREAT kids.
And you’re a vital part of an awesome family.
This is why I’m desperately watching the clock hoping the baby will wake up in time for us to go to Target before we have to pick up the BOY. Also, full containment. I wear the baby in the Ergo and strap my three year old in and shove snacks at him the entire time. It’s the only way.
Maybe since I have a kid I let others get away with being loud and annoying in stores? But it never bothered me to begin with. It’s usually funny.
My in-laws are Target lovers who take us adult kids (two families) to Target once a month as a kind gesture. Actually, it’s to help my bro-in-law feed his seven (7!) kids and they feel obligated to invite us and our one kid.
And guess what? They bring all seven kids! It’s LOUD and they get in the way and they don’t listen and sometimes they fight and always smoosh the bread. I’m usually the one trying to keep everyone moving and out of the way of others. But they are kids and even with us and the Grandparents, we’re still outnumbered.
If people are annoyed, oh well. I wouldn’t be annoyed at all by what your boys were doing. I’m easily entertained.
A few weeks ago at the grocery store, the six-almost-seven-year-old got his hands on a whoopie cushion. (Or as he likes to call it – “a fart bag!!!”) We went through the entire store with him setting it off (it re-inflated! Like magic!!) every so often, and then saying “Oh! ExCUSE me!” and laughing like a loon. Without exception, every single person we encountered in the aisles ended up smiling and laughing with the small boy. And I got over myself after the second or third fart noise, and laughed right along with him. They’re just KIDS…and it’s okay when they act like kids. (Even when it involves fart noises.)
I don’t have kids, but seeing crazy, laughing, Christmas-robotty kids always makes me laugh too. If people get annoyed by your fun, happy and crazy-in-a-good-way boys then those people are assholes.
If it makes you feel better, a few years ago, I was babysitting my cousins (at the time they were 8 and 5) and I thought I could pull of a quick trip to the Gap Outlet right there in North Bend. Wrong. I gave them my “Stern Cousin Warning” talk in the car and entered the store with one goal: scan quickly, grab smartly and get the hell out of there. The 5 year old (who’s a boy) made sure to thwart my plans all together. Just as I was reaching the point of pulling out my hair I hear the 8 year old say “Hayden!! Put that down!” and I look down to see Hayden with thong underwear stretched between two fingers and hear him say “Ooooohhhh look at these!!!” complete with a little dance. I dropped everything and left. And considered it my dose of birth control for the next 2 years.
OK, I’ll be the Scrooge here. I say “their freedom to just be kids,” stops when they become a hazard to others. For instance, old people with poor balance and fragile bones need to shop, too, and need to do it in safety, no matter how cute and funny heedless running children are. There. That’s my grump for the day!
I hate to tell you this, but my kids at ages 10 and 13 STILL act that way in stores! Target is the worst, but any store is enough to make them act like crazed lunatics. Aside from saying “Mom” 1000 times for me to look at something, they totally feed off each other and get looney, and I feel like a jerk constantly giving them stern looks and telling them to knock it off.
Then, it seems like I get amnesia, cause I’ll wait a few weeks and then do it all over again, assuming they are mature enough to behave.
AND, would you believe at that age, they still think they should get pushed around in one of those carts with the benches for young kids to ride on. I feel like I leave the store without half the things I need and then have to go back the next day while they are at school.
Long time reader, first time commenter here! I don’t have children, but I agree with those above me that have said that two kids like Riley and Dylan having fun isn’t a problem to me. As long as they’re not causing anybody an inconvenience I don’t see the harm in it. But then again, I work with kids so… I’m not your average consumer.
If it’s a problem for you could you maybe give them a task? My Mum used to do give me and my brother an item each to find and we had to be Grown Up and go and find it and come back and put it in the cart. It might make them a bit more focused and less “OMG shiny things!!!”
My kids are 18 and 20 now. I remember those days. I LOVE when I see a family like yours. I find kids and their antics so entertaining….and watching the mom squirm is an added bonus. I don’t find kids who are being bratty fun, but kids being kids(which obviously yours were)….crack me up!!Don’t sweat it!!You probably made some people smile!!
I don’t have kids yet, and if it is any consolation, every time I get annoyed with someone’s kid in a public place, I wince a little bit – I somehow know already that I am the asshole in that situation, and that one day, I will feel the full gravity of that.
And THAT, m’dear, is why I love your stories about the kids!
My son is showing definitive signs of autism; and last summer, Mister not-quite-2-years-old jumped out of the cart at Target and went UP, onto the 6′ high shelf of high chairs & pack & plays & 36 other big exciting things to hide behind. He was running from one end of the 30′ ledge to the other, cackling like a lunatic, and not one person tried to help me.
I finally had to hurl myself up there & knock over a display to corral him. While the bitches stocking diapers just stood there & stared & whispered amongst themselves.
We shop at Walmart now. Damn the man & all that; but at least the employees help me if I need it.
Every time we take him out in public, we tell people that our son is a running, yelling poster for birth control.
I don’t have kids, and would have probably laughed at the Christmas Robot.
In college I worked at a Target and honestly the biggest concern was always safety – for the kids AND other shoppers. There are adults who are totally unaware of surroundings and knock into shit and scream into cell phones, so a child giggling really isn’t offensive to me. And kids don’t learn how to behave in public if they never leave the house, so take ‘em out but make sure Riley works on some new routines. Cashiers need to be entertained with fresh material.
I’m sure it’s stressful for you, but if your kids aren’t misbehaving or screaming wildly in public I’d be willing to bet they look cute to everyone else. I don’t have kids but I like them, so when I see one in public who is having fun, even if it’s loud fun, it always brings a smile to my face!
Also, this particular sentence, “galloping hand in hand through the aisles like deranged caribou” made me laugh out loud! It’s no wonder Riley is funny, he gets it from his Mom! Ha, I’m dying over Christmas Robot! Believe it or not, reading things like this is actually the stuff that makes me want to have kids.
Dude, I feel your pain, I do. Because NOBODY likes the loud, irritating, asshole kids at the store.
But your kids? Are NOT those kids. Your kids are awesome, and seriously… I don’t think there’s anything wrong with them having fun and being happy, as long as they aren’t bothering anyone.
Their childish sense of wonder is awesome, and they obviously aren’t storming around trying to cause a problem. They’re okay.
Linda, when my kids were little my husband and me referred to it as “shopping with herd of wild goats.”
No kids here, but honestly? Who gets pissed at a kid just being a kid? Someone with horrible self-esteem and a large pop bottle interfering with their nether regions, is my guess.
Your kids aren’t being rude or obnoxious or destructive, they are being FREE and excited about life. Most of us adults need to have such little people around to remind us how groovy our existence is. Don’t deprive your community of the Christmas robot, Linda! I hope after the many supportive comments that have been posted here, you won’t worry quite as much about what random strangers think and instead celebrate your two amazing kids. :)
I have 4 kids under the age of 8. Our rule is that you can’t damage merchandise or get in anyone’s personal space or yell. As long as you are making an effort to keep them under control and not just ignoring bad behavior then I think you’re fine.
Does anyone else out there struggle with the kids not understanding or caring at ALL about consequences? I remember being terrified of my parents being “mad” at me, but our kids seem to not even notice! They will take their time out or have a toy taken away and just move on to the next thing…
When I was about Riley’s age, I had a stupendous trick. My mother had a fondness for dressing me in the Winnie-the-Pooh collection from Sears (yes, I’m aging myself, get over it). So whenever my Mom took me to Sears, I would sneak away from her any time she was near the children’s department, get up on the platform where the manniquins (coincidentially dressed like ME!) strike a pose and stand perfectly still. People would walk by, admire my clothing, and go looking for it in the store. My Mother would start looking for me…..walk right past me…several times, before I would crack a smile, or shift ever so slightly, so she would catch me.
I bet you’re glad your boys are noisy, now.
A lot of people wrote comments, and I am sorry to say that I don’t have the time right now to read them all.
I do not have kids and, have to admit, often find them annoying when they are loud and obnoxious in public spaces.
But I have to say that, based on your description of your kids in Target, even a grinchy childless & impatient crank like me would probably find them amusing and cute. How cute/funny is that Christmas robot thing? and being dazzled by paper towels? and excited at the picture of a dog? VERY!
So my point is, if that is how your kids “misbehave” in Target, don’t worry about it too much. I completely appreciate your sensitivity to other people’s feelings about rambunctious kids, and thank you for trying to be considerate, but again — your kids sound like they would bring a smile to pretty much anyone. They are having FUN, not whining and crying which is the WORST thing for me to have to listen to. Maybe Riley & Dylan aren’t as upsetting to the general public as you fear! I think you don’t need to be as concerned as you sound.
I’m from the demographic (old, childless, female … blah blah blah) who should loathe kids having fun in public(tm) AND I love them. Your kids sound great … in public and in private. They have minds — imagination — exhuberance. I only hope I run into you-all in Target West Seattle sometime — since I refuse to go to the dread eastside except for work
I’m from the demographic (old, childless, female … blah blah blah) who should loathe kids having fun in public(tm) AND I love them. Your kids sound great … in public and in private. They have minds — imagination — exhuberance. I think many parents are irked because I laugh with and at their kids instead of clicking my tongue, disapprovingly. Never did get the hang of tongue clicking. I only hope I run into you-all in Target West Seattle sometime. Christ the Robot works for me. A good friend of Hanukkah Harry.
Yes, Yes, YES! No matter what I do, my daughter acts just like this when we go grocery shopping, you are definitely not alone (as evidenced by the multitude of comments above mine). And one of my favorite expressions is ‘herding cats’–that’s exactly what it’s like when I have to wrangle both my kids from place to place (at least one is still young enough to be in the cart during shopping).
I have two boys, 3 and 6 and they are usually pretty good and Target, but bribes are necessary. Hell, I need bribes too.
And sometimes, I go get my 3 year old one of those ‘music-in-a-card’ cards and make everyone we pass listen to ‘They Safety Dance’ 4,200 times. You know, because it’s the holidays and I like to spread the joy.
HAHAHAHAHA!! I would hve laughed at the Christmas robot and totally sympathized with your torment.
How do I avoid it?
I NEVER go shopping with them. Certainly never with more than one. If at all possible, I save all my shopping for when the husband is home and I can foist my torment onto him so that I may retail in peace instead of in pieces.
Wandered over from Miss Zoot…I HATE having to get cat litter at the store. Cat? Cat? Mama CAT! CAT! That cat? This CAT! Barty [our cat]! Barty? CAT? CATCATcatcatcatdogdogcatdogdog augggggh.
But yeah, my little is 4 months, and my big is 2, so shopping is…risky. Usually the big does pretty well, she gets a chance to walk and one infraction lands her in the basket (I usually wear the baby), and a tantrum=going home right that second. She loves going to the store, so having to leave is a true consequence.
As a woman who has exactly ZERO children and about the same amount of patience when it comes to other people’s children when shopping, I can tell you with complete honesty that about the only time I’m NOT annoyed by said children is when they’re having a good time…and honestly, when their parent[s] are having a good time with them. Nothing bums me out more, or makes me want children less [no pressure] is when the parents look absolutely irritated and fed up with their kids who are obviously just enjoying life.
Us non-parents sometimes find loud, happy kids charming. And nothing makes us want kids more than when the parent is happy and loud along with them. I say stop worrying so much about what other people think, and start thinking about what your kids are going to remember about you when they’re older. Were you the happy mom, or the irritated mom?
this made me laugh so much, i loved it! Definitely enjoy it, silly kids always make me happy
Anyone who can’t smile at the delight your two boys exhibit is a grinch and needs to be avoided. Let your boys have fun! As long as they’re not destroying anything- why not let them linger and enjoy the store?
My kids are older (18, 14 and 11), and I miss (so much!) the uninhibited joy little kids have at every little thing.
I know it’s hard to hear at your stage in life, but savor these moments. Precious times that go by way too quickly…
Hell yes, I have kids like that. Two girls, so really what I get is various levels of screaming and shrieking in tones that could make bats go deaf. And yes, everytime I got to Target I swear to myself never again. I have heard of parents who take their kids shopping to the outlet malls, and there kids are “pretty good”. OUTLET MALLS? I cannot even imagine attemtping anything like that. Yes, last week after a short but particularily hellacious trip to the grocery store, the bagging guy asked me if I wanted help out. I snapped and said “No, I want a nanny!” Quickly apologized and stormed out. I am that mom and I have those kids. I shop online and save most of my trips for after they are in bed. I am sure I’m being paidback for all hell I caused my mother, as it definitely feels that way.
No advice. Good Luck.
my son used to harass the people answering the phone during pbs pledge drive week. like once they were auctioning of a week-end at a b&b in n.c., and he asked the phone answerer if that was a photo or a trip. when she said it’s a trip, he told them he would prefer a picture instead of the trip, did she know anybody who would paint him a picture if he bought the trip for them. he was on the cordless in the living room by the this time and flipped it to the pbs channel. i know who he was talking to immediately- the poor woman with her head flipping from side to side, frantically waving for help. i won’t even go into going clothes shopping with him when he asks is they can make a shirt with his name on it, like they did for tommy hilfiger.
My mom always told me if I had ever misbehaved like that in public I would never had been allowed to go shopping with her ever again. In fact, my mother would have just left the cart whether it was full of food/items or not, and taken me straight home where I would’ve been seriously punished. That kind of behaviour is perfectly fine at home or on the playground, she told me, but out in the “grown-up world” I was expected to behave like a little lady. I must have behaved properly a lot of the time because I have some wonderful memories of shopping with my mom. She used it to teach me letters, numbers and colours to start with and eventually math, budgeting and nutrition. Since you’re homeschooling now, maybe that’s something you could include in your curriculum?
baa haa! Christmas robot! Yeah, we’ve obviously never been in Target at the same time(duh because I’m in Sacramento) but my boys are the same way!! And they’re already 8 and 6….I am the ghost of Christmas future and it doesn’t get much better. I’ve learned to mostly grin and bear it….and apologize under my breath to those we annoy!
My first kid is 5 months, so I’m still coming from the non-parent perspective. Try not to take them at peak hours (i.e. immediately after work) when everyone is already feeling harassed, and then don’t worry about the rest of us. We’re fine. They’re kids, having fun, and we get that. And those that don’t – they need to lighten up. Don’t worry about them.
It’s the age..plus having TWO. When I only have my 3 year old, I can manage Target or the grocery store, but when I have the 3 AND 4 year old…it’s all I can do to get in and out without losing my S&*!..same routine–they repeat how they should be behaving while we’re in the car, but the second we step through the doors, all hell breaks loose!
I will say that I think sometimes I’m a little overly anxious about it and they probably feed off of that vibe–I’ve actually had people say, ‘heeey, it’s okay’…as in ’settle down’ after I’ve pushed my kids out of the way of an oncoming cart. I think most people understand how hard it is and the people who don’t, probably don’t give it a second thought.
My solution is to try to sneak out after bedtime or do it on the weekend when hubby is home……although, that does mean a higher bill at check out ;)
I dont have kids so I have no advice to offer. I just wanted to say this made me laugh for far longer than it should’ve :)
I love quotes from Dylan – he just sounds too cute!
I too have the same reaction to my kids misbehaving in shops and I even have the same reaction to them just be kids in shops. I worry what others are thinking, are they being too loud, just too much for everyone around us. If they are misbehaving or being uber loud I try as best I can to calm things down. But if they are just being kids and, yeah, possibly bugging those around them anyways I try and remind myself that those around me who are parents, most likely, get that this just happens and those around me who are not parents really don’t have a clue. Its just a small thing but it helps me to have more realistic expectations of my kids.
Live and laugh it up! I am totally at fault for teaching my 3 year old how to make up silly songs. (We’re Driving in the Snow-to the tune of Farmer in the Dell). Be silly with them-they will grow up too soon, and won’t even WANT to go to Target with you anymore. It is much better for your stress level,and they will respond when you NEED them to, (like holding your hand in the parking lot) much better when you haven’t been demanding of the non-necessary stuff the whole time.
My current problem is keeping the 3 month old and the 3 year old from simultaneous poop-fests while in public. We end up shortening shopping trips b/c of poop more often than behavioral stuff.
No kids here yet, but honestly? Kids are kids. They never, ever bother me in the store or otherwise. Okay, maybe in the theater when I’m trying to watch an R-rated or PG-13 flick and there’s a 5 year old in the seat behind me, but that’s different. Just keep on doing what you’ve been doing, relax a little more, and enjoy it. :)
(I want to see a video of Riley and Dylan banging into the closed exit doors!)
Over the summer my two year old daugther and I went to Target…as soon as we got inside she ran as fast as she could to the back of the store. When I eventually caught up, I found her on the floor, in front of a display of rain boots. She was rapidly pulling off her shoes and socks so she could try on a pair of rain boots. She remembered that there was this display from the last time we had been in Target and knew she had to get them. Needless to say, we are the proud owners of a pair of yellow monkey print rain boots in our house that she insists on wearing when we shop so she can tear through stores and stomp in her boots. I for sure have a drunkin sailor toddler who is also fearless! I feel your pain sister!
my boys do EXACTLY the same thing and it drives me insane! We were in Costco two nights ago and I had my two year old sweet-as-can-be (so far, I don’t look forward to the teenage years) in the cart and the boys were walking along side me (ages 8 and almost 6). All they did was run along the side of the cart tagging each other and squealing…not being bad per say but extremely annoying and kept tripping me up and bumping into the cart. I am sure I looked like the meanest mom ever by constantly telling them to CUT IT OUT! NO DSi FOR YOU THIS WEEKEND! NO TV EVER! STOP IT! It got to the point where I was just trying to keep my sanity and not scream. I knew they weren’t doing anything other little boys didn’t do but, just like you noted, I sure didn’t see anyone else dealing with kids like this at the moment. My 8 year old had just attended his first cub scout meeting and still had on his uniform so I pulled the line “You are in a cub scout uniform and you are representing cub scouts everywhere. Your behavior is unacceptable and they might not let you be a scout anymore if you don’t cut it out!” That worked….for a whole 2 minutes. BOYS! You’ve gotta love ‘em :)
I’m childfree-by-choice and I’m only annoyed with kids when they are throwing 5 alarm shit-fits or are completely out of control…and even then, 99.99% of the annoyance lies with how it’s being handled by the parent(s).
What you’ve described here is simply something that would give me a good laugh at their kid-ness while I was out & about at the same time as you & yours.
My kids acted the same when they were little. They were better when they were in the big, child-friendly cart. Stores with no carts were horrible. Hiding in clothes racks, pushing each other. My son is now 15 and my daughter is 13. Had them both with me recently at the grocery store. They acted just like they did then! I couldn’t believe it. The store must have triggered it. haha I pretended I didn’t know them.
My kids act like that. I demand they keep close to me, but they require constant attention or they are just flowing or rolling or something all over the place, and I don’t really know how two small people can occupy so much space, but they do. My husband swears it is because they are two boys. He was an only child, but he says when he got together with his boy cousins, it was exactly the same way as it is EVERY DAY with our sons. You know, I do my best to keep them from standing in others’ way, to let others pass in front of us, to be quiet when people are talking, or thinking, or on the phone, to say “excuse me” and “thank you” at appropriate times, to help someone who needs it. They are considerate, compassionate, and personable–AND they are little boys and sometimes kind of crazy, but I’m trying to take the rambunctiousness in stride. I figure they’ll be sullen and surly soon enough.
Man your babies have grown all up! My two do exactly the same thing and it is the same exact response from me. I try to control my breathing so no one can tell how frazzled I really am, but it is so hard not to just love the fun they are having. Your description though? It could have been my own kids.