I try to never bring my beasts out in public. I HATE shopping with them.

I can’t read through the 100 comments, because I should be working, but if I were in line behind you I would have cracked the hell up at the Christmas Robot. (And I have no kids). I try to be sympathetic to moms in stores who are having a hard time wrangling their kids. Indeed, I am the person in IKEA who goes to grab your child as they topple out of the cart head first when you turned around to order your hot dogs. I swear I am not trying to kidnap Jr. just prevent a concussion.

Sometimes though I get annoyed, mostly at whining. My god, the whining.

My latest trick at target is the $1.50 bag of popcorn and drink. I usually ask them to give me two half filled bags. It really makes the trip much more pleasant for only a little bit of money.

I agree with the majority here, your kids sound like a total hoot! Yes, maybe they are loud and a bit in the way, but that’s part of being a kid. In all seriousness, if it makes you batty, put them in the cart, no exceptions to getting out. My mom and aunt came up with the brilliant idea that you didn’t actually have to touch the cart the whole time if you were old enough to walk, but that anytime one of them said, “cart!” you had to be able to reach it. Including in the parking lot. If you failed at being close enough, you had to ride in the cart for the remainder of the outting.

Also, and I hate to say it, but be prepared to leave a full cart of groceries in Aisle 12 while swinging by customer service to notify them that you had to stop your shopping due to the crazy, crying, wild child you are currently dragging out the door and straight home. While slightly embarassing, its better than finishing your shopping stressed out with a freaking out child.

Good luck! (I’ll be giggling the rest of the day over Christmas Robot and “Heyy! We have dose!!!” paper towels.)

Ok, I have never felt like I had more in common with you until I read this post… and there have been MANY posts where I have felt like we were kindred spirits… especially where feral children are involved. Mine do the same thing… it is incredibly embarassing. Add to that the 5yo’s occasional sprinkling of self righteous defiance and you’ve got yourself a bangin good time. or not. I feel your pain in a big way sister friend.

This describes EXACTLY how my sister and I were at that age. I’m sure it was incredibly embarrassing to my mom. She pretty much stopped taking us on errands when I was about 6 or 7 – she’d go food shopping at night or on the weekend.

I’m not a parent nor do I plan on being one but I’d of been busting a gut laughing at the Christmas Robot bit. I love to see kids who are having fun. Heck, I’d be tempted to join in their fun.

We go first thing Sunday morning while all the good church folks are doing there thing. That way, when he blindly tears down the isle between towels and seasonal he doesn’t hurt anyone.

Also, I am pretty lucky because he still loves helping so as long as I need something every few isles I can keep him booking from the shelf to the cart.

All you women who can get’em in the cart I raise a glass to you, Short Stack hasn’t tollerated a cart in a year … and he’s TWO.

if they aren’t being bad they are at least staying near you. Mine takes off like a greyhound at the races if you don’t have a death grip on his hand. When he gets loud and laughing or silly and tries to dash away, I just smile apologetically to others as I catch him. They usually just smile back. So unless they are being bad it might not be as bad as you think!
He will tolerate the cart still (and if they’ll ride the car ones, so much the better!) so we have that thank goodness, or I’ve been known to put him on my shoulders in a pinch. (Although that wouldn’t work with two!)

dude. all you need to do is come to target when i’m there with my three boys dylan’s age and you will feel MUCH better.

Yep. If I take only one of the three then it is, slightly, less loud and herding of the cats, slightly. Add in the other two and it suddenly becomes a loud, excited, fighting version of herding of the cats. It always happens when the Target is freakishly quiet as well.

I laugh… Only because mine are old enough to be past this….. Kind of…. One time, I was in the fabric store and the girls were “shopping” (and I use this term very loosely). I hadn’t seen them in a few seconds and had been calling them by name with no response. So, I start the counting ritual. I say, in just above a whisper, “Oooooone…..”. From several isles away (at the top of her lungs), my older one states “She’s counting, Com’on!” and heads my direction. Being left behind, my younger one asks (also at the top of her lungs) “we gonna get a beatin”?

One lady didn’t know whether to laugh or call CPS. But, I changed my threat after that.

Hilarious and so true to my experiences, too! Thanks for sharing. My 2.5 yr old daughter gets so wild and grabby in stores. The world is her playground – especially at places like Target where everything breakable and brightly colored is within a toddler’s reach. I rarely come out of shopping with everything I need in a short amount of time because I’m so distracted by scolding and saying “we can’t take that home with us!” Still I try to enjoy her view of the world and get her a simple treat once in a while.

Ha, deranged caribou.
No time to read other comments so I’ll just say this, and sorry if I’m repeating myself. My boyfriend is European and oh let me tell you that it’s just the crazy Americans who worry so much about kids and noise and whatnot. They are KIDS and they are acting like KIDS and they should and that’s fine (you point out yourself, they’re not misbehaving. They’re just being KIDS!) For goodness sakes, let’s let them be kids and let’s learn to smile indulgently at the freaking cuteness of it all (whether they’re our kids or not, whether they temporarily block a Target aisle or not) and not get so upset or worried over it. Plenty of time for them to be boring and responsible later in life. And if anyone doesn’t like it, seriously, I think they need to take a step back and really considers what matters in life. I’d much rather be entertained by singing children in Target than get wherever I need to be five minutes faster. I remember being that age, I miss that age. And by the way? All this applies to what you describe, which is normal, kids being kids. When they are out of control and misbehaving and screaming and generally being completely unparented? Then I get really annoyed. THOSE kids should not be brought to Target. Your kids? Anytime.

Ditto to what many others have said — I don’t have kids either, and “I-AM-A-CHRIST-MAS-ROB-OT!” would have absolutely cracked me up.

In fact, kids who are being funny/energetic/annoying in public often crack me up… I think we childless folk are often LESS annoyed with kids than their parents are, because they’re fun to play with and we’re not around them all the time.

No screaming, no touching – or what? Concrete and realistic consequence needed! We had many a “no touching, or X when we get home” conversations.

(Also the one-hand-on-the-cart trick works wonders on the galloping.)

Yeah, my kids act crazy at Target too. And my 6 yo also likes to pretend to be a robot. Only he forgets how a robot holds its arms/hands and ends up holding his arms straight out with his palms facing down (instead of each other). And, of course, it looks like he is goose stepping up and down the aisles. Thank goodness he is in school now, so I can go with just the 3 yo, who is slightly more manageable by himself.

I have 3 kids like that. And the youngest (3) is the worst, not just because he’s 3 but because of his personality. I look forward to the day when they are calm. I expect that will be at age 40. Things are improving though, my oldest, now 7, used to bolt and run away from me right after her brother was born. That was not fun. And FWIW, we do consequences, choices, whatever you want to call it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t no matter how consistent you are. It’s a still a crap shoot with the little ones.

I think you need to lower your standards of acceptability:) If it is in the middle of the day (i.e. not later than a reasonable child’s bedtime), then other Target shoppers should expect loud, rambunctious kids. It’s not the crystal section at Neiman Marcus. (I assume there is such a thing, but I’ve never actually been in a NM). People who really dislike loud, rambunctious kids could shop at Target at times kids would less likely be there – or suck it up.

My kids are a disgrace at Target, but what can you do? I make all kinds of rules and try to enforce them and all it does is make me forget everything I went to Target for and require me to go back, usually again with the kids. If we escape Target without injury, and I have purchased at least 50% of what I needed — total success.

Since I’ve become a parent, I have a WEALTH of patience for other people’s kids in public because that’s just how they are and nothing short of leaving them at home (not usually possible) or keeping them in those hound dog cages hunters have will change that.

My six year old daughter (my youngest) HAS TO TOUCH EVERYTHING. The grocery store is the worst because the aisles are narrower and crowded with cardboard displays of Lowry seasoning or Pepperidge farm cookies that are just asking to be knocked over, frankly. She runs her fingers along the edge of the shelves, collects ALL the coupons from the coupon thingies, leaps in front of my cart just when I’m moving again and is just generally a pain in the ass. But, she is who she is: enthusiastic, chatty, physical. I love her but a routine trip to the store wears me out!

OMG this is exactly what a trip to ANY store is like…so thankful it isn’t just me!

Hysterical, but get this…

Girl is 13 and boy is nearly 10

In store, mega store, grocery and other sundries…

totally doing shit just to get a rise out of me. I detest being the “get over here” Mom, so I try and laugh it off or just get away from whatever is amusing them at the time…(they are old enough for this)

so I finally say, “Do you ever want to come to this store with me again?” and the girl says, very loudly…Nah, we will be satisfied with this trip, thank you, Mother” in a totally serious voice, and the boy chimes in with “Remember last time, she locked us in the closet for 2 days, be quiet and don’t aggrivate her”.

I adore my children and their senses of humor, what would I do without it?

Yes, my face was beet red for the rest of the shopping trip and NO, I don’t lock them in the closet.

it’s all good, Linda, just keep on keepin’ on.

My son, no matter the store, wants to sit in the cart without that plastic thing that makes a seat in the front. So he puts it up, but then his feet don’t go through the leg holes in the cart and he goes into fits. I have to bribe him with a cookie from the bakery, but Target? No bakery. We went to the mall last night to get a brithday gift for my husband and I thought I was going to die for having to control/cajole/herd him. And I have another on the way. Sigh.

HAHAHAHAHAHAA!! I can’t wait until I have to deal with this too!!! I hope I can be as humerous about it as you are!!

OMG. Thank you for writing this. My children are always THOSE CHILDREN while shopping. I already don’t enjoy shopping, but then taking them with me into places where there are glass items EVERYWHERE, gah!

OMG – This was perfect. I laughed so hard reading this post.
Thank you for being honest and telling it like it is – we can all relate!

I just have to say, you are my daily dose of laughter. I love reading your blog. You. Are. Awesome!

You KNOW those other children aren’t REAL children, right? They are the robotic clones that filthy rich parents buy to fill in for their real, normal-behaving children, who are all at home hog-tied in the parlor, or nursery or whatever filthy rich people call their rooms!

My eight-year-old daughter is CONSTANTLY walking and talking in stores without looking where she is going and banging into people’s trolleys and I spend the whole time saying “Charlotte, watch where you are going!” and “Don’t run off somewhere that I can’t see you” etc. Her latest thing is taking her “purse” with her to the store and then she spends the whole time swinging it windmill-style around her body and I can just SEE an entire shelf of china being smashed into a million pieces …..

Oh gosh yes, my son does all of that stuff, ESPECIALLY AT TARGET. What is it with these kids and Target? I feel the same as you though–that the other kids are being so good and so calm and so quiet. So, those other kids must be doing the same thing when we aren’t looking, right?

1) your kids are awesome and normal and happy. These are all good (if exhausting) things.
2) it’s Target. Not Macy’s. It’s fine.
3) whenever I see energetic kids at the store, I smile. Sometimes I get to interact with the Christ-mas-ro-bots, which is always a gas! Usually I smile at mom or dad and tell them that they’ve got great kids.

As long as they aren’t tantrum-ing, spoiled monsters, they’re great kids. Parents don’t hear that enough, I think. Or if they hear it, they rarely believe it long enough.

You, dear, have GREAT kids.
And you’re a vital part of an awesome family.

This is why I’m desperately watching the clock hoping the baby will wake up in time for us to go to Target before we have to pick up the BOY. Also, full containment. I wear the baby in the Ergo and strap my three year old in and shove snacks at him the entire time. It’s the only way.

Maybe since I have a kid I let others get away with being loud and annoying in stores? But it never bothered me to begin with. It’s usually funny.

My in-laws are Target lovers who take us adult kids (two families) to Target once a month as a kind gesture. Actually, it’s to help my bro-in-law feed his seven (7!) kids and they feel obligated to invite us and our one kid.

And guess what? They bring all seven kids! It’s LOUD and they get in the way and they don’t listen and sometimes they fight and always smoosh the bread. I’m usually the one trying to keep everyone moving and out of the way of others. But they are kids and even with us and the Grandparents, we’re still outnumbered.

If people are annoyed, oh well. I wouldn’t be annoyed at all by what your boys were doing. I’m easily entertained.

A few weeks ago at the grocery store, the six-almost-seven-year-old got his hands on a whoopie cushion. (Or as he likes to call it – “a fart bag!!!”) We went through the entire store with him setting it off (it re-inflated! Like magic!!) every so often, and then saying “Oh! ExCUSE me!” and laughing like a loon. Without exception, every single person we encountered in the aisles ended up smiling and laughing with the small boy. And I got over myself after the second or third fart noise, and laughed right along with him. They’re just KIDS…and it’s okay when they act like kids. (Even when it involves fart noises.)

I don’t have kids, but seeing crazy, laughing, Christmas-robotty kids always makes me laugh too. If people get annoyed by your fun, happy and crazy-in-a-good-way boys then those people are assholes.

If it makes you feel better, a few years ago, I was babysitting my cousins (at the time they were 8 and 5) and I thought I could pull of a quick trip to the Gap Outlet right there in North Bend. Wrong. I gave them my “Stern Cousin Warning” talk in the car and entered the store with one goal: scan quickly, grab smartly and get the hell out of there. The 5 year old (who’s a boy) made sure to thwart my plans all together. Just as I was reaching the point of pulling out my hair I hear the 8 year old say “Hayden!! Put that down!” and I look down to see Hayden with thong underwear stretched between two fingers and hear him say “Ooooohhhh look at these!!!” complete with a little dance. I dropped everything and left. And considered it my dose of birth control for the next 2 years.

OK, I’ll be the Scrooge here. I say “their freedom to just be kids,” stops when they become a hazard to others. For instance, old people with poor balance and fragile bones need to shop, too, and need to do it in safety, no matter how cute and funny heedless running children are. There. That’s my grump for the day!

I hate to tell you this, but my kids at ages 10 and 13 STILL act that way in stores! Target is the worst, but any store is enough to make them act like crazed lunatics. Aside from saying “Mom” 1000 times for me to look at something, they totally feed off each other and get looney, and I feel like a jerk constantly giving them stern looks and telling them to knock it off.
Then, it seems like I get amnesia, cause I’ll wait a few weeks and then do it all over again, assuming they are mature enough to behave.
AND, would you believe at that age, they still think they should get pushed around in one of those carts with the benches for young kids to ride on. I feel like I leave the store without half the things I need and then have to go back the next day while they are at school.

Long time reader, first time commenter here! I don’t have children, but I agree with those above me that have said that two kids like Riley and Dylan having fun isn’t a problem to me. As long as they’re not causing anybody an inconvenience I don’t see the harm in it. But then again, I work with kids so… I’m not your average consumer.

If it’s a problem for you could you maybe give them a task? My Mum used to do give me and my brother an item each to find and we had to be Grown Up and go and find it and come back and put it in the cart. It might make them a bit more focused and less “OMG shiny things!!!”

My kids are 18 and 20 now. I remember those days. I LOVE when I see a family like yours. I find kids and their antics so entertaining….and watching the mom squirm is an added bonus. I don’t find kids who are being bratty fun, but kids being kids(which obviously yours were)….crack me up!!Don’t sweat it!!You probably made some people smile!!

I don’t have kids yet, and if it is any consolation, every time I get annoyed with someone’s kid in a public place, I wince a little bit – I somehow know already that I am the asshole in that situation, and that one day, I will feel the full gravity of that.

And THAT, m’dear, is why I love your stories about the kids!

My son is showing definitive signs of autism; and last summer, Mister not-quite-2-years-old jumped out of the cart at Target and went UP, onto the 6′ high shelf of high chairs & pack & plays & 36 other big exciting things to hide behind. He was running from one end of the 30′ ledge to the other, cackling like a lunatic, and not one person tried to help me.

I finally had to hurl myself up there & knock over a display to corral him. While the bitches stocking diapers just stood there & stared & whispered amongst themselves.

We shop at Walmart now. Damn the man & all that; but at least the employees help me if I need it.

Every time we take him out in public, we tell people that our son is a running, yelling poster for birth control.

I don’t have kids, and would have probably laughed at the Christmas Robot.

In college I worked at a Target and honestly the biggest concern was always safety – for the kids AND other shoppers. There are adults who are totally unaware of surroundings and knock into shit and scream into cell phones, so a child giggling really isn’t offensive to me. And kids don’t learn how to behave in public if they never leave the house, so take ’em out but make sure Riley works on some new routines. Cashiers need to be entertained with fresh material.

I’m sure it’s stressful for you, but if your kids aren’t misbehaving or screaming wildly in public I’d be willing to bet they look cute to everyone else. I don’t have kids but I like them, so when I see one in public who is having fun, even if it’s loud fun, it always brings a smile to my face!

Also, this particular sentence, “galloping hand in hand through the aisles like deranged caribou” made me laugh out loud! It’s no wonder Riley is funny, he gets it from his Mom! Ha, I’m dying over Christmas Robot! Believe it or not, reading things like this is actually the stuff that makes me want to have kids.

Dude, I feel your pain, I do. Because NOBODY likes the loud, irritating, asshole kids at the store.

But your kids? Are NOT those kids. Your kids are awesome, and seriously… I don’t think there’s anything wrong with them having fun and being happy, as long as they aren’t bothering anyone.

Their childish sense of wonder is awesome, and they obviously aren’t storming around trying to cause a problem. They’re okay.

Linda, when my kids were little my husband and me referred to it as “shopping with herd of wild goats.”

No kids here, but honestly? Who gets pissed at a kid just being a kid? Someone with horrible self-esteem and a large pop bottle interfering with their nether regions, is my guess.

Your kids aren’t being rude or obnoxious or destructive, they are being FREE and excited about life. Most of us adults need to have such little people around to remind us how groovy our existence is. Don’t deprive your community of the Christmas robot, Linda! I hope after the many supportive comments that have been posted here, you won’t worry quite as much about what random strangers think and instead celebrate your two amazing kids. :)

I have 4 kids under the age of 8. Our rule is that you can’t damage merchandise or get in anyone’s personal space or yell. As long as you are making an effort to keep them under control and not just ignoring bad behavior then I think you’re fine.

Does anyone else out there struggle with the kids not understanding or caring at ALL about consequences? I remember being terrified of my parents being “mad” at me, but our kids seem to not even notice! They will take their time out or have a toy taken away and just move on to the next thing…

When I was about Riley’s age, I had a stupendous trick. My mother had a fondness for dressing me in the Winnie-the-Pooh collection from Sears (yes, I’m aging myself, get over it). So whenever my Mom took me to Sears, I would sneak away from her any time she was near the children’s department, get up on the platform where the manniquins (coincidentially dressed like ME!) strike a pose and stand perfectly still. People would walk by, admire my clothing, and go looking for it in the store. My Mother would start looking for me…..walk right past me…several times, before I would crack a smile, or shift ever so slightly, so she would catch me.

I bet you’re glad your boys are noisy, now.

A lot of people wrote comments, and I am sorry to say that I don’t have the time right now to read them all.

I do not have kids and, have to admit, often find them annoying when they are loud and obnoxious in public spaces.

But I have to say that, based on your description of your kids in Target, even a grinchy childless & impatient crank like me would probably find them amusing and cute. How cute/funny is that Christmas robot thing? and being dazzled by paper towels? and excited at the picture of a dog? VERY!

So my point is, if that is how your kids “misbehave” in Target, don’t worry about it too much. I completely appreciate your sensitivity to other people’s feelings about rambunctious kids, and thank you for trying to be considerate, but again — your kids sound like they would bring a smile to pretty much anyone. They are having FUN, not whining and crying which is the WORST thing for me to have to listen to. Maybe Riley & Dylan aren’t as upsetting to the general public as you fear! I think you don’t need to be as concerned as you sound.

I’m from the demographic (old, childless, female … blah blah blah) who should loathe kids having fun in public(tm) AND I love them. Your kids sound great … in public and in private. They have minds — imagination — exhuberance. I only hope I run into you-all in Target West Seattle sometime — since I refuse to go to the dread eastside except for work