We have a relativley strict Keep One Hand On The Cart policy, which cuts down on the galloping hordes factor. But Christmas robot? Who wouldn’t love that? My kids like to introduce themselves as “the (name)Bot 2000. I. Am. Functional.”

I don’t have kids so I don’t have any advice for you…

but you did make me snort in the library with the “I-AM-CHRIST-MAS-ROB-OT!”.

Good times. :)

I don’t know because I’m not a parent but I enjoy seeing kids having fun. It reminds the rest of us to chill out, ya know? Of course, there should still be manners but stuff like that would bring a smile to my non-parent face.

I can do shopping because they get the eyes but I think we’ve been subliminally banned from all restaurants in a 50 mile radius. The children, they can not use their inside voices, they can not eat their food without making a horrendous mess, they can’t even manage to sit down. I tip very well and clean up as best I can. It’s like they’re little savages when we go out to eat, but for now those little savages can just stay to home.

I did make my daughter try on jeans in the middle of the kids section in Walmart a couple of weeks ago, with a couple of racks and the carriage containing my barely-patient son as a screen against “people SEEING her”! Come on, just put the damn pants on.

Also, retailers? Please no more skinny jeans for pre-pubescent girls. Can we just make some nice denim jeans that don’t have “future playtoy” written all over them?!?

P.S. “Stop being a Christmas Robot RIGHT NOW”? Yes!!!! Say it!

Are you sure those weren’t my children?

My SuperTarget has 3-seater carts and gives out free cookies from the bakery, and I think I will still be strapping my kids in and bribing them with sweets when they are 20.

I don’t have children, but I love kids. As long as they’re not sobbing/screaming – who cares! Agree w/ Amber above-seeing two fun kids like Dylan and Riley would put a smile on my face! Enjoy them. :)

I’m a grown-ass woman and I STILL bonk into the closed exit doors every. Single. Time.

Where did Riley come up with the Christmas Robot bit? I would high-five any kid I heard saying that!

I put them IN the cart. And insist on them sitting down or we are LEAVING RIGHT NOW!!! And then I ignore the volume. Otherwise I’m a sweaty anxious wreck of a mother and vow never to leave the house again. But mostly I shop alone whenever possible. Grin.

My 4-year old son, Charlie, acts EXACTLY like this. I’m so happy to read your experience as I thought I might be the only one. I have chalked it up to him being a BOY, and living with boys has been a real eye opener for me, a girl who grew up with only sisters. Boys are loud, gross, energetic, obnoxious, and funny. Charlie keeps me in stitches with the bat shit insane things he comes up with on a daily basis.

Long story short, I just try to go to Target at times when it is not crowded so he doesn’t run into people as he runs up and down the aisles, excited by the sight of toys, underwear, crackers, PLATES!

I dunno, my 2 boys act EXACTLY like that in stores! Sometimes I get a break if I only take one of them, other times my 3.99 year old (his birthday is next week) sticks his hand out of the cart & knocks off every box of cereal he can reach from the shelf.

My kids are those kids as well. I don’t understand how those other mothers get her kids to stand close and just FOLLOW. Mine are 9 (boy) and 7 (girl) and they are absolute hellions wherever we go, exactly as you are describing; they are entertaining one another, but they are being LOUD WHILE THEY’RE DOING IT, and I am soo hypersensitive to not wanting to piss other people off. I, too, hiss the “get OVER HERE” to get them out of the way of people’s carts. I really thought they’d grow out of it, but oddly enough just today (before I read your post) I was remembering them at 4 and 2 doing basically the same thing. So what i’m saying is, I think we’re both screwed. Don’t be like me, though…enjoy it/embrace it more, because they grow up WAY too fast and mine don’t have chubby little hands anymore:(

I have a 2 year old and he’s fairly exuberant. But I agree with Alexa, as long as they’re not sobbing or screaming, where’s the harm in being excited? It’s not going to last forever, they’re not misbehaving, and there is too much to worry about to add this type of behavior to the list. I say have fun!

i have three boys and i swing between not taking them out in public and just letting them rock it out. they’re kids, i’ll reign them in if they’re actually being obnoxious little snots, but if they’re just being kids.. meh.

christmas robot totally cracked me up ;)

I only have a 2 year old, but I’m pretty sure he’s going to be the same Christmas robot in Target soon. My mom hates shopping with him because he’s exactly like your boys, although I tend to toss him in the cart and drive him around. I know I should make him be quiet and stand next to the cart but he’s still a kid and he likes to run around and look at things. So I keep hoping he’s going to grow up so much more mature than he is now. I’m sure I’m just screwing myself in the long run though.

My kid is insane in stores. But luckily I seem to live in an area where all the other kids are, too. I do strap her into the cart, though. And bring lots of snacks. And make threats. And beg, plead, and grit my teeth. Then after all of that stress and shushing and effort, I end up leaving the store with nothing on my list.

I think you should post video and get that extra income from You Tube coming in already…You can keep this stuff all to yourself!

Yeah, my boys are exactly like that too. They totally wig out whenever I take them to a retail-type place. I think those well-behaved kids must all be girls.

Oh thank god!! I thought it was just mine that did those things. I’ve got a six and four year and while I love giving them the freedom to just be kids, the deranged little monkeys make me wonder sometimes! ;) It makes it even harder that we homeschool too and we are sometimes out and about during school hours and my two are dressed up as full on pirates (again) and while behaving very politely, calling everyone “matey” and saying “ahoy” to every person that walks by gets us a few odd looks! I am so jealous of it!!

I guess you CAN keep it all to yourself, but you shouldn’t… ;.)

I say let your kids be kids and pity the other children in the store who have obviously been turned into very boring robots already ;) As long as your kids aren’t directly affecting anybody else’s ability to shop, they can’t possibly be any more annoying than some of the grown-ups I’ve encountered in Target (who talks about their menstrual flow on speaker phone in a loud voice in the dressing rooms, anyhow????) and it’s possible that your embarrassment of their behavior is actually calling more attention to it than it would have otherwise gotten! I love seeing kids be excited about stuff way more than I like seeing people be frustrated or upset. If they’re not misbehaving, then anyone who has a problem with them shouldn’t even be on your radar ;)

I have no advice for Target behavior, but I can’t hear “I-AM-A-CHRIST-MAS-ROB-OT!” in any voice but Tracy-Morgan-as-Tracy-Jordan’s.

Did you go to Target with MY kids? Cuz yeah, that pretty much sounds like every time I go with my two. Except for the CHRIS-MAS-ROW-BOT. Damn that’s funny! I’d have started cracking up right there. good stuff.
But on a serious note, my feeling is: if they’re happy with smiles on their faces and YOU are doing your best to rein them in and aren’t letting them go CA-RAZY then we’re all good.
It’s the kids that are screaming and crying and whining for every damn thing, throwing effing fits, and then the parents don’t say shit about it that really REALLY bother me when I’m in a store.

Target in particular brings out the wild hellion in my almost-4 son. Just last week, I had to admonish him “Do you see that nice lady trying to shop right there? She doesn’t want to watch you hop like a frog in front of her cart.” At which point said nice lady looks straight at him and says “well, actually you are a very good frog”. I can’t believe I did it now but I then turned my maternal gaze and tone on her and said “You. Need. To. Help. Me” and she started to laugh and said to my son “Listen to your mother.” So maybe people aren’t quite as irritated by their behavior as it seems while you are in the stress of the moment.

My kids act the same and all I can say is that I know I draw more attention to them by telling them to stop, so now, I let them be kids and have fun, and I am a happier Mommy.

Target has kick ass carts for 2 kids. There is no way I could let my two out of the cart. I’d never see them again.

You know what, I used to take my little kids to the store and swear that I never saw anybody else’s kids behaving like mine were — which is pretty much as you describe — being exuberant and INTO everything and rather active and LOUD. So now I wonder, were other moms thinking the same thing about their kids and we just weren’t noticing each other’s children? Or maybe the other kids we were seeing were older or younger than ours? Or maybe you and I are the only ones in the world with good-hearted rambunctious kids who go to Target; I dunno.

On the rare occasions that I see this kind of behavior in public, though, now, I love it. My kids are too big to point out that DUDE WE HAVE PAPER TOWELS TOOOO! and I kind of miss that sometimes. (But it is totally radawesome when you can send them across the store when you’re buried in a long checkout line and you just remembered something you need. So you have this to look forward to.)

PS I need a link to the titty-baby-man-titanic-cryer story when it’s up, please…?

I think anyone who is bothered by playful fun and kids in wonderment of everyday things should not be shopping at Target, and I would tell them so too. I’m 22, but I still love seeing kids having fun and often have to stop myself laughing when their mothers are admonishing them (and probably about to kill themselves laughing too).

Believe it or not most people don’t mind kids especially when they are just being kids. No one expects children to act like miniature adults. As long as they aren’t tearing the place up and tripping people don’t sweat it.

Think you can get Riley to do the Xmas Robot for the camera? I’d love to see it!

Oh man, if I’d seen the hilarious “I-am-a-Christ-mas-ro-bot” thing in real life, it would have made me WANT a kid, not the opposite. I probably would have been the lady encouraging them from the other checkout line, cracking up so much that they kept doing it even more.

Yes! My children are EXACTLY like that. They are (mostly) just enjoying the experience of being out, because, you know, we live in a cave and I never take them ANYWHERE! So when I do, apparently it’s a big deal. Grocery store, Disneyland, makes no difference, because LOOK LOOK, MOMMY LOOK!

I’m with you though…hyper aware of the cute/annoyingness of kids being kids. Because nothing is worse than clueless parents who let their spawn run wild in a public space.

Hello, my name is AdequateMom and my child is a giddy drunken sailor. 100%, hands-down, for ever and ever, amen.

….And naturally, I have no useful advice.

I have two girls (3&4) and they are INSANE at the target. Insaaane. Last time we were there i was putting items on the belt, turned back around and they were gone. They’d hopped on some poor elderly woman’s driving cart and went for a ride. I don’t know who was more horrified, me or the poor 700 year old woman manning the vehicle some 30 yards away with two strange children squeeling on the back of her ride. Buries head in hands.

isn’t it weird? You can take them out and about all you like and still when you arrive at a location all of a sudden it’s: “HOLY CRAP FREEDOM! I HAVE NEVER BEEN OUTSIDE MY HOME! EVER!” My son has to touch everything that comes near him. Everything. And the shouting narration of everything we pass, dear lord.
Best part of blog posts like this, you realize that your batshit insane children are really not the only ones!

I agree with everyone else who has said they enjoy seeing kids having fun in stores. I get a real kick out of seeing their happy little faces, and I think most reasonable people feel the same way.

JennB-I don’t know if you will see this, but Land’s End has some really nice girls clothes that aren’t hootchie momma. When my daughter was young, I couldn’t believe what Walmart and other stores had as a selection for young girls, it was truly appalling. I went for years only ordering from Land’s End, and they have some nice overstock sales where you can get some great deals.

My son is pretty well behaved (he is 5) but he does like those carts that seat 3 kids… my 2 yr old daughter however is one of those kids who either is an angel or a she-devil and I never know which child I am taking into the target (or the walmart, or the grocery store)…. yesterday we had to run into the grocery store for just a handful of items… I picked up one of those little baskets instead of a big cart and she INSISTED on carrying the darn thing… it was fine empty but two items later she was huffing and puffing but NO we couldnt let the basket go… we finally compromised and carried it together… the 5 min trip, took easily 15…… and that was a fairly good day…on bad days, I park the cart and leave the store empty handed.

I was in Target yesterday and I almost ran down two (maybe) 8 year olds who were running full tilt through the store, around and around the aisles. It was then that I suddenly realized why my mom used to hiss at me through clenched teeth, to cut it out. It sounds like you have a way better handle on yours, and they’re younger. I have to admit I wanted to yell at those kids, but I couldn’t catch up to them.

Mine are EXACTLY like that. So, I don’t take them shopping. It is more stressful for me than anyone else around me that is for sure. But when they get loco like that, I forget to buy things (even when I have a list). So, if I HAVE to take them both which I don’t that often now because the older one is in Kindergarten, I will drive totally out of the way, and spend more money than I normally would and hit up Fred Meyer! I drop those rabid beasts, I mean lovely angels at the kids club and shop in peace. It’s worth it to not feel like my kids are acting like they are being raised by wolves and and me acting like one to get them to behave DAMN IT. :)

jess. you win. that is so friggin funny!

I use bribery on my 2.5. So if he’s good he can go through the toy section and set off all the toys he wants and/or he gets a juice at the end of the trip. It doesn’t always work but mostly I keep him in the cart and keep moving. Trips are not enjoyable and there is still a fair amount of rambunctious behavior but in general I can get through it without complete meltdowns. And it sounds to me like your boys are generally well-behaved but just excited which to me are two entirely different things.

Umm, that’s my kid. Although, he also likes to lay down in the middle of the floor. He likes how cool (in temp) it is. I try to let him be a kid as much as possible, but understand that others won’t agree. We also try to go shopping during times other families would go, does that make sense? I figure its my job to let me kids explore the world and learn from it, not constantly tell them what they can’t do.

Um, that didn’t make sense. Meant to say well-behaved but excited is different than misbehaving.

Parents nagging at their children constantly is ten times more annoying than kids having fun!

I don’t have kids but offer this: take them to the store when you don’t need to go to the store. I see parents being so frustrated by their kids behavior because the parents are multitasking. What I observe is that they can’t take the time to actually teach kids how to behave in public because the reason for the outing takes precedence. I think it would be easier on parent and child if you make that lesson the sole objective of going to the store. I realize not every parent has the time to do that but if I understand correctly, you’re in a position to add that lesson to your homeschooling. Just a thought.

Thank you for just giving me a chuckle and letting me know that there are others out there like me with freaking crazy boys!

The funniest encounter I’ve ever had with a kid in a store was a little boy in Victoria’s Secret, waiting with Dad while Mom shopped. He got loose and ran circles around a rack of bras, yelling “BOOBIESBOOBIESBOOBIESBOOBIES!!” Now every time my husband and I pass a VS we yell the same thing.

My point is I agree with the other commenters: Goofy, funny, excited kids are just that, and often provide a much-needed laugh for other people. Screaming, misbehaving, whining kids – well, that’s what Benadryl and duct tape is for. ;-)

@Carrie, I LOVE how you handled that! Motherhood should be a team effort. :-)

I so get this…

I think you’re missing out on a prime memory-making moment. Join in the fun! Laugh and stop and look at packing and walk through Target like a robot! Your kids will LOVE it. Who cares what other people think??

I laughed out loud at this post (‘hey – we have dose!’) and Jess’s comment. What a visual!

And my kids do this too – they are 2 and 5 and when you get them together in ANY situation where I need them to be chill, they just can’t control themselves. They aren’t really misbehaving, just being rambunctious, which is super fun to them but tends to stress me out in public, just like it does you.

Kids will be kids, I guess!

Target is a piece of cake. All children who behave at Target while Mama shops get to play with the toys in the toy section once Mama is done. If extra bribing is needed, well-behaved children may sometimes select an item from the dollar bins at the end of the trip. Playing with toys (not buying any, mind you) works about 90% of the time.

Taking my kids to Target (or anywhere, really) sounds about the same! I have to keep them in the cart because they are CRAZY! Aside from all of this, I also have to do a cart check since I have ended up buying random crappola that they snatched from the shelves!

Good times!