I really like Katherine’s idea of making ‘going to the store’ a lesson!
My two cents… Pick the few hard, fast rules of behavior at the store and enforce those. Let everything else go unreacted to. Combine this with praising them on “acting like big boys and (playing with the toy they brought/letting people pass the in the aisle/staying where you can see them/etc)”.
Also switch your pregame talk around from ‘no running, no biting, no gouging!’ to something like… ‘When we go in the store you guys get to practice being big boys! Who’s going to show me how they use their inside voice/manners/whatevs? Are you ready for a fun trip to the store? K, let’s do this thang!’:)
If you assume they are going to behave like animals they will fulfill that request/assumption.
(Standard nonMom disclaimer. I don’t have any of my own but I play one on TV. I nanny.) ;)!

I would much rather hear an adorable child yelling “I am a Christmas Robot!” than hear or see an irate mother beat or yell at her children. Let your kids’ freak flags fly, I say. :)

I think kids having a good time are awesome, but if they aren’t behaving like you want them to, then they are misbehaving. Make ’em hold on to the cart if they break a rule. If they misbehave when they are holding the cart they get a time out when they get home. Hissing at them will only stress you out, kids are experts at totally ignoring that tone.

Oh, I needed this tonight! My kids have been bananas today. They must wrestle/Star Wars fight/be up each other’s asses ALL THE TIME! But, you know what? They are just being 5 and 3 and cooped up inside and normal. Our kids are normal! Sometimes, I forget that they are not little adults.
I will remember this post and all the other comments next time I am in Target. Or, Lord help me, Trader Joe’s with their little carts that cannot stop bumping my ankles. Aaahhhhhhhhhhhh!

I have the loudest children on the planet. 6 & 7, a year apart, and every word is spoken at full volume. They’re sweeties, and well behaved, just in a very loud, very obnoxious, very distracting sort of way. So basically, I have to ignore 97% of what the say in the store because otherwise I’d be sqwawking at them nonstop.

Some battles aren’t worth the fight. They’re kids. If they’re being funny, and cute, and not hurting anyone? I say let it ALL hang out.

I can’t stand shopping with my kids. I’ve tried to find ways of shopping without them, but leaving two boys in the car is apparently frowned upon in most states.

My kids try to be good, bless them. But they just can’t be. They don’t see other people. They get stepped on and run over by other shoppers. They back into displays. They giggle hysterically at Christmas decorations and cry hysterically over Halloween decorations. They get in, then out, then in, then out, then in, then out of the cart.

So just look for me. My kids are the ones acting just like yours.

We pretty much always corral our 3yo girls into a cart as soon as we enter a store. Woe be to us if they don’t have a “treat cart” that they can both sit in (either Target’s weirdo cats with two upright seats with buckles that never are in good shape and one seat RIGHT AT THE EDGE, or a “bean” or racecar type cart at the grocery). On the few rare occasions when I’ve taken them out by myself and one of those carts weren’t available, then I’ll put them both in the big part of the cart and insist they SIT. And then, if they’re singing or cracking themselves up or saying, “HEY look at THAT” (or even the Christmas ROBOT) that’s ok with me. If the reaching toward items on the shelves or the poking or kicking gets out of hand, then I give them what for… but otherwise, I try to let them have fun. If I were at Target by myself, I’d want to take a running start and glide down the aisles with one foot on the cart, enjoying the holiday decorations and all the other stuff I never get a chance to look at because it’s usually better to try to just get in and out with the kids around. It’s a pretty fun place.

I certainly don’t give parents of other kids’ anything but empathy if their kids are being jerks… and big smiles if their kids are having fun or being cute (and the Christmas ROBOT is truly cute!)

OMFG, my two did the I-AM-A-RO-BOT routine in checkout a few weeks ago! And I am trying to hiss at them to come here, stay in my sight, and cut it out without looking like a total harpy and failing miserably while other shoppers looked on in.. pity? Amusement? Annoyance? Couldn’t tell, because my GOD I just wanted them to STOP so they were all I could focus on.

Yes. Two boys – 3 and 5. Enough said.

Yeeeeaaahh, can’t help ya. I was looking forward to the day my 1-year-old stopped splashing in the toilet and eating houseplants (dirt included), but now I’m not so sure.

Target has free cookies?

My Target strategy is to go to the snack shop first thing. They have this popcorn-drink combo for $1.50. I get the Diet Coke and they will split the popcorn into two bags. Each kid gets a bag! I get those buggies with the two tiny bucket seats that the kids (6 and 4) barely fit in but too bad. Cramming popcorn into their mouths keeps them settled and happy for a good 15 minutes. It’s true we leave a trail around the store like Hansel and Gretel, but I figure if you sell popcorn, you’ve got to expect to be cleaning up popcorn, right?

Yep, sounds like my kids, and I am also hyper-aware of keeping them from irritating the general public. My solution, which has worked decently so far: buckle them into the Target two-seater cart and let them out if– and only if–they have exhibited reasonably good public behavior during the first half of the expedition (no screaming; no grabbing at each other, passing carts or items on shelves). I generally buckle them back into the cart if there’s a line at checkout, as their…overexuberance tends to get heightened when they’re supposed to stand still.

That’s kinda how *I* act at Target. Especially over those Long and Lean $8 Mossimo tank tops. Love those things.

A few years ago my then eight year old son and 6 year old son had a knock down drag out, punch the crap out each other fight in the middle of the electronic department of Walmart. And then my two year old son had an asthma attack and we had left his inhaler in the car. After trying to break up the fight for a minute I finally just announced very loudly, “You need to knock it off now! Your brother can’t breathe, I need to go to the car so he doesn’t DIE!” Then I walked away. A few aisle away they caught up to me. As I marched to the car I tried not to notice how many other shoppers were staring at the crazy lady and her herd of bratty children.

I’m sorry, I laughed out loud at both deranged caribou and Christmas robot, bwahahahaha! But I know what you mean – I am uber-sensitive about my kids being obnoxious in public. I don’t have any advice or anything like that, just wanted to commiserate.

This completely made me laugh! So thanks for that :)
I’m a high school teacher so I can totally relate. You think because they are teenagers they would behave in a more mature manner but…no. It turns out they are just tall 5 yr olds. I have been known to tell my students (on the way to the library which seems to have the same effect at Target), “If you embarrass me I’ll hunt you down.” Works every time.
;)

I seriously could have written this entry. (Only, y’know, not so well.)

I’ve been working really hard lately on “letting go”. Which is to say that I’m trying to loosen my sphincter enough so that the diamond I’ve been trying to make drops out. While I do agree we should not let our kids be douchenozzles in public I also think maybe it’s ok for them to just be kids. For me, this is still totally a work in progress.

I took my 3 kids (4, 2, & 1) to Old Navy on a Friday night right before supper. There was an insane sale I couldn’t pass up and I needed to get clothes for all 5 of us for family pictures the next day.
The 1yr old was strapped into the stroller and I kept giving him crackers to keep him happy.
The other 2 were off their rockers crazy. Hiding in the racks, crawling under tables, and running all around the store. No matter how hard I tried they would not listen to a word I said. I was embarassed but couldn’t leave until I had found outfits for us all.
I finally caught up to the kids and was giving hell when an employee came up to me.
“looks like you have your hands full!”
No shit, Sherlock. I hear this so many times a day it’s not even funny.
So I reply, “Well, I think they’re hungry so they’re not really listening to me or acting like themselves”
So she says in the sternest (it’s a word, right?) voice ever…
“Listen you two. You better listen to your mother and do as she says. If I see either of you take one hand off this stroller, you are not allowed to stay in this store. Got it?”
She went on for a little longer but I had no clue what she was saying. I was in awe.
My kids were scared shitless and never left my side until I was done.

I have a just turned three princess that rummages through every shoe box and tries every single thing on. I can seriously lose her in the clothing section of Target and find her in the shoes. But yeah, my kids are totally like that. My oldest son went through the “I am a robot” phase and it still makes me giggle when I think about it. The Christmas robot really takes the cake though. That’s amazing stuff! I’m just scared to let go at times because I know they’re going to get run over by someone’s cart or get lost if I don’t stress out about it.

My kids are just as bad, and that’s exactly why I never take them shopping with me, ever.

If it means that I have to do my grocery shopping at Walmart at midnight, then so be it. I’d rather shop with toothless redneck hags and drunk frat boys than my kids any day.

Our Targets don’t play music so every sound seems hyper loud too. You seem like an on the ball mother, you’ll get it figured! In the meantime…the robot thing is kind of hilarious.

I totally could have written this post! I hate going to the store more now than I did when they were toddlers. I constantly say “come here, stay with me, don’t touch that” it is fricking exhausting! I am like you and stress about my kids annoying people and then I worry that I am being annoying by constantly yelling at them. UGH. My solution is to avoid taking them with me :) or taking them one at a time, for some reason they are fine when it is just one.

I think it’s all kids that spaz out in Target. I have a strict in the cart policy and then once I’m done shopping we’ll hang out in the toy section and he is let out for a while. If I let him run around, I’ll never be able to actually get anything and will instead spend the whole trip chasing his 2 year old butt around the store. If I have a wingman with me, I’ll usually let him run around because hey, exercise! and I can get shopping done while the wingman chases him around.

I don’t care about loud. It’s Target for crying out loud. It’s not like you’re going on a romantic dinner date. I don’t like him getting in other people’s way so that’s why when I’m solo he stays contained until the very end and he can play with all the toys.

I don’t have kids, and most of the time I think they are hilarious in stores when they do the things you describe. I would have LOVED to see two little kids being Christmas robots while I was in line tonight at Target. I would have laughed out loud, even. It’s OK for kids to be kids.

“Bull in China Shop” is my 2 yo’s nickname. But both my boys are the same ages as yours and this absolutely is my life. I generally bribe them with the $1 doo-dads at the front of the store “if they’re good”, and I don’t take them with me if I think they’re having an “off” day where bribes and brow-beating won’t work.

I would have joined the robot dance, complete with bad hanging arms. What’s not to be happy about? LOVE seeing happy kids, Linda — not just yours because they are yours. I have stopped Moms and told them how refreshing it is to see happy kids. Ho Ho Ho!

Totally our shopping experience.

The chances of getting anywhere like Target without me freaking the hell out over my kids going crazy increases the fewer children I have with me. 3, it’s a bloody circus. 2, slightly calmer but still pretty damn crazy. 1, and we are chatting and monkeying a little but I can take it. Zero, and I glide through the aisles in pure bliss.

I think the minute you have more than 1 kid with you, it becomes a playground, and there’s not a lot you can do to avoid it. Except maybe shop after 9 when they’re in bed? A friend of mine used to do that.

My kids are surly resentful teenagers. And while I appreciate that you are trying not to irritate me at Target, cute little kids having fun with a mom who is paying attention will not irritate me.

Here is what irritates me. It can be found at the Lynnwood Walmart at the aisle intersection near women’s lingerie, or any other big store. Horrible children running and screaming and hitting each other, while their mother (or father) either ignores them or screeches at them without ever doing anyting about it. Or sometimes mom or dad picks kid up and starts walloping on them, right there in the store. THAT will irritate me. Your boys will probably make my day.

Your Stern Maternal Lecture reminded of this Gary Larson cartoon.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sluggerotoole/153603564/

I’m not sure that I’ve ever seen a well-behaved kid walking beside their parent in a store that wasn’t an only child – or if they weren’t, their sibling was in the cart. What I’m saying is, I’ve never seen a parent with TWO calm, quiet children walking next to them in a store.

There is no way in hell that I would allow both of my kids (3.5 and 5) out of the cart at the same time in a store. No way. They wouldn’t just be acting a fool. They would both run in opposite directions and start grabbing for breakables.

I either go shopping on my lunch break during work hours or I make my husband (who works from home) do the shopping. My kids haven’t seen the inside of our grocery store in probably 2 months.

Two boys who act like your kids.

Here are things I will not stand for:

1. Loud, repetitive “BEEEP” type noises out of them. It annoys me, it has to annoy everyone else. “BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP. BEEEEEEEEEEP. BEEEEEEEEEEP” followed by his little brother’s echo.

2. Getting in the way of other people’s carts/pushing our cart deliberately into other people/people’s carts. Sigh.

Everything else I try to manage without being anal. “If you drag your foot under the cart like that it might get caught and then it will break and you’ll never run again.”

Most people don’t care if your kids act like kids as long as they’re not physically inconvenienced.

My secret? I love to say “No” to my kids in public when they ask for junk; it makes me feel like other people think I’m one of those great disciplined moms. I always smile, too, like We’re All Having A Great Time, I’m Enjoying My Children’s Childhood, I’m A Confidant And Together Mother, Aren’t They A Delight?

Hell, I act that way at Target and I’m almost 40. Love that place. I think they pipe some sort of happy drug into the air there.

OMG, too bad we don’t live in the same city, because that is EXACTLY how my children act in all stores, but especially Target. I feel like I am always herding them and shushing them. so fun, these trips. I feel the same about bugging others, too, but it is near impossible. Glad to hear there are others out there.

Giddy drunken sailor. Yup. Pretty much sums up my two-year-old little girl any time we are not at home. At the first whiff of freedom, she takes off as fast as she can, singing, “I wunning! I wunning!”

All I can say is thank you for this post and to everyone who commented.

I thought I was doing something wrong. Seriously. At times I thought my boys had some sort of behavioral issue that might need to be addressed by a professional.

For short trips for a few items, I just use the speed method, get in and out as quick as possible. For longer trips I usually use bribery, something small ($5 or under) from the toy section if they don’t fight, wander off or get too obnoxious. We do not step foot in the toy section period unless they have behaved themselves. This usually works well, they love the toy section at Target.

Grocery store? Forget it, I shop alone or I don’t shop at all, the grocery store w/ my 5 y/o twins is a nightmare. The 2 y/o is in the cart, so give him something to hold periodically and he is happy, he is my laid back one. The twins are just so excitable, I try to find a balance between letting them explore a bit and have some fun, while not being too loud or bothering anyone. The older they get, the easier it gets, but it still isn’t easy.

Ultimately, my advice is shop ALONE, it is the best solution.

That said, I always try to give a big smile to the moms with the kids like mine when I am out alone, and when they apologize for something their kids have done, I always let them know I have small ones at home too and that I completely understand, and I do.

Also, jess – you win for best comment, I laughed so hard. Great story, great visual. Still chuckling at that one.

It’s the stores fault. They purposely design the store so kids get over stimulated and harrass their parents in order to get them to SPEND MORE MONEY.

OK I don’t have kids, but I still believe it’s the stores fault. I HATE parents of screaming kids when they do NOTHING to stop the screaming. If the parent tries, that’s OK because you can’t stop it all the time. However, if I knew your exact route through the store by the howling of your kid – give up and get the hell out of the store.

Sofia is like that in stores sometimes, where by “sometimes” I mean “all the time” and by “stores” I mean “everywhere”.

The thing that kills me is how distracted she gets. It’s ridiculous. She got so distracted by a display of laundry detergent at Fred Meyer the other day that she almost walked face-first into some woman’s cart and nearly got decapitated. The poor woman had to swerve like a drunken trucker to avoid her, and in the process she almost hit some other guy’s cart, which almost caused a chain reaction. If it weren’t for the woman’s lightning reflexes, my laundry detergent zombie child would have caused an ten-cart pileup.

Laundry detergent isn’t something Sofia even cares about, but it’s *something*, and by God *things* have to be *looked at*, even if it costs her her life. If you wanted to disprove evolution, Exhibit A should be “dumb-ass five-year-old store behavior”. Who’s selecting THAT out of our gene pool, Mr. Darwin?

Mine behave like they’ve drunk a bottle of rum and eaten 10 pounds of brightly coloured sweeties. Exactly the same as yours, SHOUTING and SCREAMING and DASHING IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS. I’ve taken to telling strangers “sorry, we don’t usually take them out of the house.” If it’s a restaurant or something I generally tell them to shush or else no pudding but if it’s a shop.. eh. As long as they are not actually ramming into people then I just laugh along. And most people tend to giggle at them, especially when they are singing or shouting “MUMMY, CAN WE HAVE THIS CAN WE CAN WE CAN WE?”

[…] was going to leave a comment at Linda’s blog but I decided I had so much to say about the subject of controlling kids in public places – […]

My comment got too long so I wrote my own entry:

http://www.misszoot.com/2010/12/01/wranglin/

but what works for my kids, may not work for yours. Also? My kids break stuff ALL THE TIME at stores. Just this week we broke a snow globe at hobby lobby.

(Yes. I’m an idiot for letting my 2yo handle a snow globe. I know.)

I would make you feel much better about your little hellions when you see me coming with my four crazy boys (actually, only 3 because the 1 year old is much more containable for now). The three older ones (8,6, and 3) can’t stop wrestling, tackling, running, squealling, karate chopping, clothes-lining, laughing, yelling, jumping, climbing and otherwise not acting like the well-behaved children that I told myself I would have when I was judging other mothers of wild children before I had my own batch. How many times have I given the same pre-game lecture in the car to no avail?

I am torn between further tormenting myself with future outings because “they-need-to-learn-how-to-behave-in-public-and-they-aren’t-going-to-control-me” and preserving my sanity by leaving them behind. Sometimes though, I really wish I could let go of my ideas of how they “should” behave based largely on how others are going to judge us and just enjoy their giggles and laughter and boundless energy…right up until we head off to the ER.

Just read Scott’s reply about his laundry detergent zombie child and am DYING! Awesome!

I really do want to just let go and laugh at them and with them (provided I can keep them out of the ER).

One more thing…Linda, you are awesome! I love reading your posts.

My kid is like this sometimes, but then we usually make her sit in the cart. We have some rather strict rules about not-sitting-in-the-cart behavior but sometimes she’s just having so much fun careening around the corners and hiding in the clothing racks etc. I don’t always want to enforce them. But she’s also sometimes quite capable of standing by my side calmly. Don’t know what it depends on.

I have two girls (almost 9, almost 7) and girls are different, right? Quieter, calmer… Errrrr, NO, not in shops, anyway. It’s the same thing – they don’t misbehave (don’t break things, don’t even touch things really), but they play “no-running-hide-and-seek” and it drives me BATSHIT. They have strict instructions to not leave the shop (and they’re well-behaved enough for me to trust them absolutely on that one), but I still hate it (you should bear in mind I’m talking about a pretty small local supermarket, not a gigantic place, where they’re not allowed to wander off at all).
There are many reasons why I order all my food shopping on the internet in the peace and quiet of the night and get it delivered… But this is certainly one of them!

I still get the shakes and tear up when I think of the Great Winter Coat Shopping Experience of 2010. Thank God for Aunti Anne’s pretzels and Diet Coke, otherwise we all would have died that day.

You aren’t alone in this experience, trust me.

YES.

This is my boys EXACTLY.

I have nothing else to offer you. I sometimes wonder if it is especially a function of two young boys, close in age? Mine are 1.5 years difference, similar ages to your boys. And they are flipping insane.

So I haven’t read all the comments, because my guilty pleasure checking your site is all I have time for, but I have to say since they’re going to do it anyway you might as well love them and have fun while they’re doing it. Having that grim face (which I have many a time) really doesn’t do anything but draw attention to the wrong-ness of it, so it might be better to go with the flow and enjoy it as long as they’re not in harm’s way. Sure it’s loud (and I have two girls, so I don’t know the half of it but they can get pretty obnoxious too), but this phase won’t last so long. Love them, live a little more and don’t worry about the judgment. Because folks will judge you either way.

You have described my children – minus loud renditions of “Shake your booty” down the main aisle of Target while shaking said booty. I pretend I’m the nanny.