Riley didn’t crawl until he was 11 months old, and since all the other Internet babies born around the same time had long been motoring from room to room under their own power I was truthfully starting to fret a bit. You know, wondering if he would be the young man graduating from high school by slithering with great grunting effort across the stage on his belly. Of course once he did start crawling, I was like WHY THE HELL DID I EVER WANT THIS TO HAPPEN, because mobile babies suck: they become these horrifying suicidal crawla-pedes whose burning mission is to quickly seek out danger in all areas of your house, then they have the nerve to cry about it when you gently redirect them away from the pointy table/arsenic/bear trap/etc.

Dylan can’t crawl yet, and while I’m not necessarily in any hurry for him to figure out how to do so, he’s in kind of a frustrating stage where he can sort of flail his way around, but his shit is still so hoopty. He rolls from place to place, until he gets yarded up against a wall or stuck under the couch or whatever, and then he lies there squawking furiously. I have to rescue him about 195738 times per hour, while Riley shouts gaily from the corner of the room: “FAIL!”

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Tickling is the best solution for mobility-related unhappiness.

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And speaking of frustrating stages, he’s basically stopped sleeping. I thought we had just had one bad night due to a runny nose, but he seems hell-bent on waking up every hour and it is CRUSHING MY WILL TO LIVE. He’s also eating everything that isn’t nailed down, so what the hell, growth spurt? Tapeworm?

I never had sleep problems with Riley and all the times I wondered why people ‘let’ their kids keep them up all night (I always thought, man, why don’t you just let them cry — well, it turns out sometimes you’re just so goddamned tired at 3 AM you’ll do anything to get them back to sleep, including staggering out of bed and administering the millionth bottle, even though you know you shouldn’t) have come back to bite me in the ass in a big way. We just got lucky with Riley, we didn’t do any kind of sleep training. Now I’m the one perpetuating our sleep problems because 1) I’m too tired to listen to the crying, 2) the crying fills me with chemical dread and I can’t stand listening to it (I should clarify that this is something very different from sympathy, it’s more like this biological programming to MAKE THE CRY-SOUND STOP OR MY INTERNAL ORGANS WILL SHRIVEL, and while I can let it go during the day [and if I didn’t he’d never sleep ever, he’s a champion nap-protester just like Riley was] I feel like I can’t bear the anxious feeling when it’s the middle of the night), and 3) I get worried that he’s going to wake up Riley and now I’ll have two wailing kids to deal with, and 4) I’M SO TIRED OH MY GOD.

Since JB has no problems letting Dylan cry and can in fact sleep through even the loudest howls, I think the solution might be for me to check into a fancy spalike hotel for about a week or so. I’d be at home for bedtimes, then kiss JB farewell and jet off to 24-hour room service and an enormous, crisp-sheeted bed.

I just . . . had to stop typing that, because the very idea was making me a little weepy with pleasure.

In happier news, JB is home, and today we visited the same pumpkin farm we’ve been going to for three years now. The first year Riley was in the backpack carrier, last year he was just a little guy running around, and this year he’s got a brother in that same carrier. Crazy.

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Angella
13 years ago

I have friends with twins who did what you dream of. She went away on a woman’s retreat for a weekend and Daddy slept through the night cries.

Another idea – a fan or something to create white noise so that you can hear if something’s wrong, but drown out the rest?

We had to let all three of our kids cry it out. It’s tough, but it works (usually).

anna
13 years ago

I remember that really annoying pre-crawling stage well. My son used to do this thing where he’d put his arms and legs up, while he was on his stomach, like he thought one day he would just take off and fly from that position. And when it didn’t work, he’d just whine and whine and whine. Gah.

Louise
Louise
13 years ago

Hi there, Louise Mom of twins here, delurking to say two things: IMHO, if your kid is under a year and crying at night, and you give them a bottle and they STOP Crying, then they were hungry, and you did the right thing by feeding them. I fed the kids on demand and when they got big enough (and finished with the growth spurt) they stopped waking at night…

Except..
if they were cold. We learned last year that once it gets chilly at night, the boys sleep REALLY well if we put on what they call “sleeping jackets” – zip up fleece hoodies that they only wear to bed. They LOVE them, they make them feel all snug and warm, and it helps them sleep soundly.

They sleep 11/12 hours a night and take naps so it works for us.
Love the pictures, by the way.

ali
ali
13 years ago

HA HA HA! I just about busted a gut when I read that he yells “fail!” Punk.

Jax
Jax
13 years ago

it’s called sleep regressions: I just went thru my 18 month old one and man I wouldnt wish it on anyone. Look it up, it helps make sense of what they are doing and why. http://www.askmoxie.org

*katie
*katie
13 years ago

this has absolutely nothing to do with the current entry, but I was curious…. when did you start having banner ads on your page?! I just noticed them.

Lesley
Lesley
13 years ago

The wild and wacky Japanese invented a boyfriend arm pillow. I wonder if there’s a mommy version :) Of course it would have to coo or maybe have a heartbeat included. I still don’t understand why cribs don’t come with a soothing car engine sound cuz that’s what my dad would do to get us to sleep: drive us around in his car. It never failed.

sweetsalty kate
13 years ago

Spa-like hotel? What? I’m sorry, what was this post about? I thought someone said something about a spa-like hotel.

Sorry. I’m like a dog that heard someone say “WALKIES!” or “MEATY BONE!” and I’m slack-jawed and drooling now.

(heh heh. meaty bone.)

jen
jen
13 years ago

yay for JB coming home! dylan is soo effin cute. i hope he starts sleeping again for you guys!!

also, completely OT but for you: http://www.myzombiepinup.com/

Stephanie
13 years ago

I’ve seen it written here already, and I’m repeating it: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. At least read it and see what you think. Good luck!

cherish
13 years ago

Ok so you HAVE to check into that hotel! Maybe just one night of it will cure your troubles? And since JB was just gone for his own little excursion…

wm
wm
13 years ago

I love the pictures. They remind me of my little guy, who just found his knees at 10.5 months. The spa sounds excellent.

Toni
Toni
13 years ago

I want to gobble up your gorgeous little boy, he is beautiful.

kristylynne
kristylynne
13 years ago

“FAIL!”

*snort*

SART
13 years ago

I don’t know about you, but we’ve been going through it with our 3.5 year old. He’s been sleeping like a champ since around 1 but the last few weeks he’s been waking up in the middle of the night and not wanting to go to sleep. Last weekend we were at the beach and I woke up at about 5am to see him standing silent at the foot of our bed. I’m sure he was freaked out b/c he was in a different place but it sure as hell scared me to death. I guess what I’m trying to say via rambling is that I’ve been there and I know it is small consolation but at least he isn’t up and walking yet to add to the equation.

Briana
13 years ago

I have a 10 month old who crawls all over the place and just started sleeping well. Don’t want to jinx it by blogging about it, but I’m almost 1/2 sane now. We let him cry for short intervals and intervene when it gets too loud/can hear rattling of cage bars on crib. Usually he has thrown the binky out and needs it reinserted. Also, we use a musical fish that he likes to snuggle. Does Dylan have a favorite thing to snuggle that isn’t you?
Another thread:
How do you get Dylan’s PJ’s to stay perfectly over his feet? Is it the lack of crawling? My little guy keeps getting one foot out during the forward pull and stuck into the crotch/other leg region on the extension. It looks a little painful/super annoying, but it slows his lightening fast crawl to one I can beat to the other end of the room.

Moxie
Moxie
13 years ago

Hoohah!! I DID do the sleep-away-for-a-few-nights-thing and it worked. My then hubby could sleep through a nuclear holocaust and I was so sleep deprived that I just walked around in a numb frozen eyeball way all day, so I put the baby to bed and went to my friend’s house to sleep. After a few nights she slept thru and it was safe to return home…BLISSS!!!

Asheo
Asheo
13 years ago

Sleep? what’s sleep? lol I’ve been going a year with no sleep… I’m wondering when it’s going to get better? Then I realize, we’re dumb enough to be bringing a new baby into the mix Spring 2010 (if all goes as planned), and starting the whole thing all over again lol, I won’t be sleeping for another 8-10 years.

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