I actually identify with you MORE now. More vulnerable, which is sort of…great (for the reader anyway). Also, doing something that you want to be doing, and something that *I* want to be doing!! You even make the scrapbooking seem…sort of…cool. I dig the transformation and I hate to channel my mom, but all the haters are probably jealous! I know I am.

No! Don’t think that! You’re brilliant! I’ve been reading you for years, and you’ve steadily got more interesting and funny and surprising.

I wish that gym instructor some very very bad karma.

This is beautiful. You are a writer, dude, without doubt, and the people who think the plot has gotten boring or irrelevant to their lives — I almost want to say that their lives must be very small, not to encompass the life and beauty that you describe, but that sounds mean. I don’t know. I just think you’re pretty amazing.

Sorry, tear-jerking posts make me gushy.

I actually find you even more interesting now. I think you are one of the most inspirational bloggers that I have the pleasure of reading. You went from not being able to run a 5k to running marathons. You left a job and commute you hated to do something that you actually enjoy with your life. You joined Crossfit! (We have one in my city…I know people who do it and I’m too scared to even try it once). You are so brave and so fun to read. Even though something scares the sh** out of you…you make yourself do it anyway. It’s amazing and awesome. Also, the way you write is beautiful and I would probably read it if you wrote a whole long post just on scrapbooking. (But maybe don’t do that).

I don’t understand the people who say they don’t relate to you anymore. I just don’t get it. And so I can’t explain it. Anymore than I can explain a man yelling at a woman working her tail off to become strong and physically capable at something very VERY difficult. I think you are a rockstar. It’s that simple. And change is hard – even good change.

I know EXACTLY how you feel Linda. It’s been a whole year since I lost my job. As much as I loved my job and hated it at times, I needed that routine and schedule and to be around other people. Now it’s even worse with Eric back in school. Depending on the shift my Husband works it’s just me and the pets until Eric gets out of school around 3. I’m not the same person I was when I was working and I don’t know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I don’t even know if I am happier. I do know that I will eventually have to go back to work, but sadly I am making more money on unemployment then I would make going back. Once that runs out we’re screwed. That is one of the reasons I’m not sure if I am happy.
People change, and if some of your readers don’t “relate” to you anymore and won’t read your blog, screw them. I’ll be here.

I cannot relate to the circumstances of your new life in any way, shape, or form.

But this entry? Perfectly timed. New skin? Oh yeah. Feeling bad about the new life, even though I love it, because other people might not? I’m right there with you.

Keep on keepin’ on, and forget the haters. If what you did for money was part of your *identity as a person*, you’re better off losing it immediately. I loathe when the first thing someone I meet asks, “so what do you do?” Because I think, “that has nothing to do with who I am.” Lots of people come to this realization at the end of their lives, too late to live for something that matters. Something like family. You don’t want to be one of those people, and now you don’t have to be.

Home schooling the kids? I admit, I don’t get it. But screw me. You’re not doing this for me. And you’re still relevant anyway.

I agree with the Kristin and Nellig! I am in awe of all that you have accomplished since I started reading your blog just a few short years ago. I have loved following your journey and will continue to read for as long as you choose to write about it.

I’m kind of baffled by people who can make a decision like that in the space of a month of entries. In theory they’ve been reading you for years but a month of entries in a slightly different direction and that’s the end, they can’t relate to you and they stop reading? Who’s that sure of anything in life? Not me. Like, ever.

I’m just glad you’re getting to do what you like and make a living at it. Pea green with envy, too, but mostly glad.

Aw honey-bunny (sorry, I feel like I have to drag out the silly names to comfort), give it time to adjust. When I quit my job 2 years ago I felt the same way; when people would ask what do you do? I felt the need to make up something that sounded all official; validate myself in their eyes. And now I have a little part-time job but I go to an office and can now associate myself with some external group and that seems to satisfy this label that I need to put on myself for everyone else’s benefit.

I’m not sure if that last paragraph even made any sense, but believe me, I feel you.

The homeschooling and scrapbooking are new things you’re trying out and new skills to add to your arsenal, and new ways of stretching out your brain. Trying new things, regardless of what they are, is yet another way to grow. Heck maybe you’ll discover some new hybrid of scrapbooking and homeschooling and online writing and start your own online-school-booking business and take the world by storm! You’ll never find what you’re capable of unless you poke around down some new paths and see what’s there and how you can innovate it.

I’m not sure any of this makes sense, but I’m not as good with forming well thought-out words and sentences as you are!

Keep fighting the good fight. Getting your ass handed to you by a mean/nasty XFit coach is part of the experience too :( We learn from all our experiences!

One of the cool things about long-term personal blogs is that they uniquely chronicle the writer’s life, and that is going to be a dynamic process. Obviously, you filter and frame what you share with us like any other reader does. But if someone is interested in reading about someone static and artificial, there is plenty of shitty chick lit out there. You’re not fictional, and if someone doesn’t “identify” with you and feels that is a barrier to their ability to read and enjoy your blog, they can quit reading it. By contrast, if a single, exercise-phobic, urban-dwelling, wine-swilling workaholic in her 20s (moi) who really doesn’t have shit in common with you can still enjoy your blog and look forward to new entries, then that means you are an awesome writer. And that’s a hell of an identity, right? Haters to the left!

People go out of there way to tell you these things? Like they take precious time to compose these hurtful emails? Things I will never understand…

I have been reading you for years. I can’t always relate because I don’t have kids but whatever, I still love reading. People who don’t like this “new you” (which is ridic) should just click elsewhere.

Maybe the “haters” are really just wishing they had the guts to take on the life they really want to lead.
I love reading your blog. You are a fantastic writer and I just can’t wait for your book. I follow your column on the Stir and enjoy the huge variety of topics you find to blog about.
Just because your circumstances have changed doesn’t mean the core “you” did. You are now just doing the things that make you, you (writing, being a mom) more, and probably better.

I think you should give yourself a break.

You just made one of the biggest transitions of your life. You left a place that, like it or not, was a big part of your identity. It is the American way: we are what we do for a living. But you had the courage to step out of that mindless ideological mold! So, of course you’re going to feel sore and vulnerable; you’re forming a new identity outside of the cultural norm! That’s tough.

Be proud. But also be kind to yourself. It’s only been a month; these new, self employed muscles need time to grow.

HELLO YOU ARE STILL MY FAVORITE BLOG AND THE ONLY ONE I (almost) NEVER SKIM.

The end.

Genuinely, I cannot see how moving your work from one place to another, from doing an old thing to a new, makes you much different. AT ALL. Those people that emailed you? They kinda sound like assholes. Yay Internets! And opinions!

Oh, and that gym coach? I want to throat punch him for you. Think he’d hit a girl back? What about a kid? I could get my kid to do it for sure.

In all honesty, I read you – and always have – because I like your writing. That would be the case whether you were writing about a two-year-old anarchist or repairing a ’67 Buick, you know? I’d read anything you wrote because you talk purty.

I love your writing. It really doesn’t matter what you are writing about. That being said, I am so envious! You are doing things that I am too chicken to do. You are GROWING in a way that I wish I could. The readers that expect you to stay the same are just crazy and unrealistic. If you hadn’t changed in all the years I’ve been reading, that would be weird. Human beings change, sometimes for better and sometimes not. You are definitely changing for better. You are happier! Go you!

For what it’s worth, I think you are brave, strong and awesome.

Linda, when I started reading your blog you had a desk job and no kids, just like me. Now you have a totally different life and, even though I still have the desk job and no kids, I continue to relate to you because, like you, I’m still a foul-mouthed insecure motherfucker who relates to your fitness aspirations and struggles with food. Also, even though I don’t have kids, I do I enjoy reading about your boys because they’re part of what makes you YOU. Life is about evolving, changing, bettering yourself and anyone who writes to *complain* about you daring to change just needs to maybe back away from the computer and live a little.

I’m so sorry some jacked-up muscle-freak with a small dick and a likely Napoleon complex (my guess is he was also short along with the small wang, yes?) made you feel bad about yourself.

I know you well enough to know you’ll shake it off and go back, but still, I know how it feels.

I work at home all day long by myself after leaving an office job and some days I go to Walmart during the day JUST TO TALK TO ANOTHER ADULT, literacy (or teeth) not required.

Here’s the thing- I think your blog is MORE interesting lately (though I’ve always loved it). This isn’t because I’m more interested in homeschooling and scrapbooking, but because I’m interested in seeing someone make major changes to their lives- to go into uncharted territory. I think if people can’t “identify” with you anymore just because you are homeschooling and/or scrapping they are MISSING THE POINT.

Also, I cling to my very part time, nearly laughable job too. It helps that what I do is somewhat intriguing to most people (child birth educator and doula), and I love that it gives me a firm identity outside of my children. I think the feminist movement took a turn for the douche when it became a… competition (is that even the word I mean?) between women to see who could do more or who could earn more or who was VALID because they had an identity outside of their children. I am so grateful for the times we live in and the opportunities we have, but MAN does the feelings of inadequacy prevail.

Anyway, most of us aren’t going anywhere. We’re here, cheering. And proud.

“but man DO feelings of inadequacy prevail.”

And there’s probably at least 6 more typos. Please don’t think I’m a complete dolt.

I don’t have any advice but I totally commiserate with the weird loss of self from quitting working. I quit a soul-sucking job about a year ago and stayed home for 8 months before going back to work again a few months ago to a much better for me job. I thought I would like staying home with my son but one of the big reasons I did not was that I really missed my identity as a working person. I totally found myself explaining what I used to do and what I used to be to people and I HATED that about myself but I couldn’t stop.

Anyway, I think it’s totally normal to go through a transition period trying to adjust to your new life and how it makes you feel about yourself even if you’re way happier now. Keep trudging through and you’ll come out the other side way better for it, just like you have been numerous times when you’ve faced scary things and beaten them. You really are very inspirational to a lot of us out here so keep it up and don’t worry about a few people who don’t get it.

Then turn it all around on whoever said that they dont relate to you anymore with a huge THANK GOD I DONT!….I think your heart is in the right place and direction but perhaps your mind hasnt caught up yet.

People who work outside the home are not cooler, they just have a different job.

Yours right now is in the home. You have two jobs. You work in a home office and you work at tending to a family.
Your choice; wear it with pride.

I for one have read your blog for years and years, rarely posted but the funny thing is that since you went back to work, started the corporate exercise,day care mom bit I really rarely checked in past reading the bits you send in the emails….but lately I have loved hearing about your adventures into your new job at home, so if some have fallen away with “not relating” then more will fill their place.
Your job is enviable.
Its a nice job with great benefits.
You love it.
Your family is in a better place.

We love hearing about happy you are, how rich and interesting and involved you are.

I went through the same thing a few years ago and I know EXACTLY what you mean but you will find like minded others as new friends and admirers and feel vindicated and dare I say; even superior to those that choose careers outside the home!

Believe me when i say that soon you will feel the tables turn and you dont relate to others who dont get how awesome your two jobs ARE!!

I am not going anywhere. You could write about lint and I’d still be riveted to the screen on the edge of my seat. You rock. You just rock.

I agree that you need to give yourself a break. You are such a superwoman! (now and before!) You are making the greatest difference in your kid’s lives and still in so many of our lives. (Thank you!) You are teaching them so many things and creating some wonderful memories and showing them how to be fit, eat right and how to spend quality time together. You cannot know what’s going on in that trainer’s life at that moment that he was such a douchbag or what’s going on in the lives of those readers who have left (good riddance) but you CAN (and must) give yourself a break, lady…maybe Stuart Smalley style, please? You deserve it…here’s a start:

“I deserve good things. I am entitled to my share of happiness. I refuse to beat myself up. I am attractive person. I am fun to be with.”

*turns to mirror* Because I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and, doggonit, people like me!

You are the ONLY blog I read – and even when our opinions differ, I appreciate your perspective and most of all your beautiful writing. In your shoes, I would take some deep breaths and just try to remain curious about this new skin you are growing!

I think you are awesome. You’re a fantastic writer and your posts are always interesting no matter what you write about. I commend you for being able to leave your job and follow other paths. I certainly wish I could leave the soul-sucking job I’m in but I don’t have the courage or financial means to do that right now. You have been an inspiration to me on so many levels. Let the “haters” leave. There will always be the people you can’t please no matter what. Who cares, I say…you rock! So, you know, rock on!

I think there are two camps. Parents who work and spend time trying to figure out lives around their jobs/working/time spent away from their kids and parents who do not work and have the opportunity to do all the “other stuff”. You kind of fell in the middle of the two camps.

You worked but part time in a job that kind of made you happy for a time anyway then unhappy along with a commute that seemed miserable but you offered a little bit of something for both of these camps and all the people in between.

Now you definitely fall in one camp a bit more than the other. I do not feel the same way I did about what you used to write about working and parenting but I have changed as well. I do skip some posts because they are different from the stuff I could relate to in the past. I do not rely on blogging as much as I used to. I do not feel as needy as I once did. My work life changed and I am happier about it.

The point is you are doing a great job, it is just a different job and you are no less a person for it! Hang in there!

I found your Purple is a Fruit blog about 4 years ago I think. I loved it (particularly the poetry!) and eventually clued into the fact that perhaps you wrote elsewhere as well. Quick Google search – and I found this blog. I read the entire archive then, as I really enjoy your writing.

We have things in common: two kids, homeschooling (I’m not yet, but I will be in a couple of years), a fear of social situations, etc. But here’s the thing: you have done things that I’m not sure I’d ever be able to do. I admire you greatly for your bravery in leaping into the unknown (marathons, quitting your job, CrossFit, homeschooling) and for your perseverance under pressure. Whether I can relate to your life now is irrelevant; you have NOT become less interesting or less relevant somehow. We should all strive to be more like you.

Your writing is funny and moving and made those lonely, terrifying Is-He-Still-Breathing months at home with my oldest child more tolerable. I cannot thank you enough for writing truthfully about your life as it may have saved my sanity. So there you have it. I heard via Mom101 that it’s National Thank a Blogger Day today. So thank you.

Also, I shall wish for that CrossFit instructor to sprout a large wart on the end of his nose.

You should start doing some psychotherapy on the side because you continually make me think and analyze my own life (always in a good positive way) even though it is so different from yours.

Is it normal for a post like that to make me cry at my desk at work? Weird.

“…next I’ll wear a bonnet and french-braid my pubic hair while picking my own gherkins…”

I have never read you because I identified with you as a working mom. I read you daily because of awesome little gems like that quote sprinkled throughout your writing.

I think this identity struggle is a relatively new one for “us” of this generation, I mean my Mom never struggled with being a stay at home mom, in her day it was much more common place. when I quit my job when Drew was born, 50% of my household income went with it and I was FREAKING OUT, even though I had done the math and new we could do it (I made sure we had no debt but the house) I felt like my life suddenly had less value because our bank account sure wasn’t getting any deposits from me. I still have to force myself to buy the bare necessities regarding clothing because I feel like I am a “user” if I spend more than my fair share. Its hard, here I am year 5 into this gig, and I still don’t know where my path is leading. I have three more years until the baby is in full time school at which point I hope to have a plan to reinvent myself. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate this chance to stay home with my kids, but I wish I felt more validated at the same time.

oops typo meant to type KNEW not new in the above post YIKES

Almost five years ago I quit my work and moved to the states for my husband’s new job. I can’t work here because of my ‘status’ but 21 months ago I became a mom. Both times the transitions with a new identity were difficult but I have learned a lot in the process. It sucked ass for quite some time especially when we first moved here but it is getting better. I still have a shitload to learn but it’s less daunting to know there’s work ahead these days.

I’m just going to send you a totally awkward cyber hug, ’cause I’m not very touchy feely, but sense you are having a suck ass day. People can be total douchebags. Try not to focus on the shitty ones. I know. Easier said than done. Or try meds. Those usually work. :)

Loved your blog when you hated your job, still love your blog now that you’re working from home.

Also, that is EXACTLY why I won’t do Crossfit. I’ll be crying in the parking lot.

I just started reading here, so I can’t really comment on how your writing has changed. But I do know that it is absurd to say that you don’t relate to someone anymore because they aren’t in the same job. You;re still the same person. You are still a woman, a wife, a mother a wonderfully insightful (and damn funny) writer. Screw the haters. Look at all the love right here.

Anyone who can use word “dickbag” in a post about scrapbooking will never get boring. Also, I must say I really prefer reading about what cool stuff you and Riley and Dylan are doing than about how much your commute sucks. I’m a working mother of two, and though I love my job, I do sometimes envy your new situation. Seriously, it is awesome that you found a way to be happy.

Jen said much of what I’d like to say (and better too!)

I’ve experienced some of the same changes you’ve described and all of the feelings that go along with them. For me, it has been a process of figuring myself out, which sounds like what you’re doing as well.

Why do I care what they think? Really. Who are they anyway? Who is to say that they’re doing it (raising kids, contributing to community, being a loving partner, working, etc., etc.) any better than the way I’ve chosen to do it? I have begun to realize that I have simply made different life choices, which don’t have any more or less value than their choices. The tough part is that I have taken the road less traveled and for some reason, that’s hard for others to accept. And I have to learn to be okay with that. Because I’m not going to choose their path just to make them happy.

Thanks so much for sharing your journey. It is such a huge inspiration to follow along!

ch-ch-ch-changes.

I’ve been reading your journal for YEARS, and I have to say that good, bad, or otherwise – there have been a LOT of changes here.

Not to discount your awesomeness, but I bet you lost some readers when you became a mom and began writing about that. And for every one that you lost, I’m certain you gained quite a few readers because of those exact same changes.

Saying its not you, its them, isn’t just to soothe your ego – it’s the truth. For whatever reason, whatever is happening in their lives just doesn’t mesh with what you are doing right now, and that’s okay.

I can totally relate. I left a stressful, busy, high power, high paying job at Microsoft to work part time at a non-profit. I just did not want the stress that came along with that “great” job anymore. I wanted something low key and something easy for awhile. But soon after starting I started feeling really unimportant (for lack of a better description). I had this small low stress job which I wanted, which I had looked for but couldnt help wanting to shout from the rooftops- “I can do more than this! I am way overqualified for this job! I CHOSE this job, but I am way more skilled than this! I used to work at blah blah blah place and held this that and the other position! See everyone what I am capable of!”

I had NO idea I was going to feel like this and it really surprised me. I thought what I wanted was to sit in the back of the class and not be noticed but I ended up missing sitting in the front having my hand raised for every question the teacher asked.

Oh Marie Green — “taking a turn for the douche” will now be forever in my lexicon.

Here’s a thought, though…It’s only been ONE MONTH. You existed in the working world for, oh I’m guessing, 20 years? It’s gonna take a bit of time to shake that “never really true picture” of yourself. Be patient with yourself and give yourself room to let go of that old identity one step at a time.

I’m sorry you’ve lost readers. On the surface, you & I have little in common — I’m single with no kids on the opposite coast. But the themes about which you’ve been writing for the past few years speak to me pretty clearly (pushing yourself, redefining boundaries, constant self-improvement). Thank you for sharing what you’ve learned — I truly appreciate reading it.

I’m with the people who find you even more interesting now, although I’ve always liked your writing. I find it inspiring that you made it work so you didn’t have to work at your soul sucking job (I’m still at mine), and could spend time with your boys (my boy is at daycare 5 days a week). I want to be like you. In the least crazy-internet-person way possible.

And I hope this: “Or maybe I did think there was something wrong with it, with me, maybe I thought I was a giant loser trying to fit in somewhere I didn’t belong,” isn’t true, because it’s the same feeling I get whenever I’m the new person somewhere (especially if the new place is anything athletic oriented), and I would hate to think that it’s RIGHT to feel like that. I know I (and other people) do, but I always tell myself that it’s just because it’s new; not because I actually am a giant loser.

It is a really hard transition. It is. Acknowledge that, because it is. I cling to my part-time employment, too (“Take me seriously!” I feel like I’m screaming, sometimes), but as I get more and more used to my life, I really no longer feel defensive about my decision.

I’m happy — oh, so happy — and what I’m doing is valuable, even if it’s valuable only to my little family, but you know what? They’re the only ones who really matter, at least when it comes to what people think of me.

I am smart, capable, funny, interesting and kind. I was those things before I quit my job, and I’m those things now, and if nothing else, working like I was and being stressed out about it made me LESS those things than I am now. I think the same is true for you, or will be, more and more, day by day, as you get used to the new normal.

You will come back. You will get comfortable with this. It is so very hard, but you will.

For what it’s worth, it’s totally okay for you to cry when your CrossFit trainer is a complete asshole to you while training. Sure, it might have a little to do with you wanting someone to approve of you, but I think it’s more about the trainer being an asshole.

To be honest, I identify with you no more or less than I did before you quit your job, except that I’m so proud and so jealous as regards you doing so. I’m kind of confused as to what vast difference people see in your blog between then and now, because although I don’t know you, I see no real difference in your words except that you seem less stressed out and unhappy. And if that’s what people are identifying with, that’s…just a shame. What you have to say about losing a piece of your identity that you didn’t appreciate (and, it seems, didn’t want when you had it) is fascinating to me as I yearn for the same change.

As for the gym asshole, he is not worthy of your tears. If you didn’t know how, it wasn’t your fault.

Those negative comments on your recent blog post have been bothering me, so I’m sure that they stung for you. Scrapbooking special moments of a life well-lived? Totally bad-assed. As is homeschooling, which requires crazy amounts of dedication and strength.

I’ve struggled with the same feelings- my husband is on the other side of the country training for his cool new job, and I had to quit working to keep things at home on an even keel in the interim. I’m so thankful that you’re transparent enough to vocalize those thoughts that most of us never put into words.

It’s your life, and it’s awesome. Blog it with pride, and bugger the haters.

Did you ever watch those reality shows on PBS, where families signed up to live for several months like people on the frontier, or in Victorian times, etc.? I always thought about those people when they signed up, and how the *idea* of being on the show and knowing it was going to be hard was entirely different from the reality of doing it and it being really hard. I think that’s what a transition like this is like. You know going into it that it’s going to be weird and hard, but when you’re in the thick of it, it’s a different thing than you imagined. And by you, of course, I mean me, and anyone who’s gone through a transition like this. But what I really want to say, in my long-winded way, is that you’ll come out on the other side of this before long. And you’ll be happier and more confident not just some of the time, but all of the time. Hang in there! We are all rooting for you. Except maybe for the trolls who take issue with scrapbooking.