Aug
28
I’ve been thinking about aging lately. Maybe by “lately” I mean “since this morning, when the bright sunlight shining through my bathroom window made me recoil hissing from the mirror like those gross projectile penis-tongue vampires in The Strain,” but anyway I’ve been noticing that in addition to the usual aging suspects — wrinkles, generalized bagginess, and the magical ability to gain ten pounds in one sitting — I have all these weird things going on since I turned 40.
For instance:
• Ridged nails. I read that as you age your nails start losing their ability to retain moisture, which atrophies areas of the “nail matrix” resulting in “longitudinal ridging.” That is some bullshit right there. I mean, I know in the grand scheme of health problems this doesn’t exactly register, but … well, it’s still bullshit. I have wrinkles on my fingernails, you guys.
• Random skin things. I developed this mole-thing on my leg that was a total outlier compared to other moles and I got all scared and went to the dermatologist convinced she was going to tell me it was skin cancer and she was basically like, “Oh, that’s a (term I’ve since forgotten). These can be common as you get older.” Just … yeah, sorry, you’re going to have some lumpy unattractive bullshit here and there, and we could dig it out but it’ll be a bitch since those things run deep so maybe just get used to the new you.
• Inability to sit for extended periods of time. I had my hair colored on Monday and I verified something I’ve been suspecting for a while: I can no longer truly enjoy lengthy salon visits, because sitting for that long in a chair makes my ass and legs fall asleep. BULL. SHIT.
• Face-creases that last all day. You know when you sleep on a pillow crease and you get a line in your cheek? Well, my bullshit pillow-dents now last for hours on end so I look like Inigo fucking Montoya.
• A visible vein that runs vertically down my forehead, connecting the top of my head to the frown-lines between my eyebrows. This is the biggest pile of bullshit of all, because not only do the ever-deepening “elevens” on my forehead make me look like I’m perpetually pissed off about something, the GIANT BLUE VEIN makes it seem like I’m about to have a goddamned stroke from sheer rage. It’s particularly noticeable when I’m laughing, which makes for some attractive photos. My only solace for this new and unwanted development is that Angelina Jolie has one too, so maybe it will eventually become a hot fashion trend and people will start injecting their heads with tinted saline and I’ll be all Hipster Ariel about it, like my forehead looked creepy FIRST.
Meanwhile, my husband’s charming eye-creases and silvering beard pretty much make him look like he just stepped out of a Clint Eastwood movie. So, so, so much bullshit.
Comments
-
My product review site:
[
アグ の意味
エンジェルハート リング 運命の日
mcm 渋谷原宿
オメガ 一覧表
bape 410 エラー
ダイワ波濤 磯 HATOU ISO 3号-53HR DAIWA開催中
citizen xc 店舗
ケイトスペード 向け
My state of decline : All & Sundry
The players are not obsessed with the dream of a patent, as long as the heart is full of uplifting enthusiasm, eager to turn ideas into reality in mind, you can join the ranks of the dream by .Oakley aims ONE OBSESSION encouraged to adhere to the persistent activity of dreamers.
true religion jeans women
it is look like wonderful
http://mireio.be/3545qqs.asp
グッチシマ 財布
GSfdhytu2014 グッチ フローラ
Q: when the 2K at 20 years after playing a game, do you think the current players who can obtain a breakthrough, become the 15 most influential legend?
custom roshe run
PRP treatment method is very simple, is about an hours.
tiffany canada
However, according to the previous message, it takes at least 6 to 8 weeks of recovery time, he is expected to return in early February.
tiffany and co necklace
on 11 concerns the Clippers game in Portland, Portland make 4.5 points, a preset total score of 196.
tiffany ring
Due to the need to return to the Australian family affairs, Andrew Bogut (Andrew Bogut) therefore missed the team prior to the three games.
tiffany wedding rings
Usually the player will face each other in the second lineup, which allows them to do better.
ray bans sunglasses
Coyle led the Bolton Wanderers in the FA Cup three grams even the Zhi Yingchao team,
tiffany and co necklace
My state of decline : All & Sundry
Air Max fakes : Perfect Air Max trick Which again 97.3 of shoppers Whether pros Non not reporting ambient nike and the way it relevant to you can. nike fake scans ; A Superb Nike cheat It 90 of end users
プラダ バッグ ビジュー
This really is the ideal weblog for anybody who desires to discover out about this subject. You comprehend a whole lot its virtually arduous to argue with you (not that I truly would want鈥aHa). You positively put a brand new spin on a subject thats been written about for years. Good stuff, only good!
nike jordan 11s
Only wanna state that this is handy, Thanks for taking your time to write this.
jordan 11 legend blue
LIVESTRONG could be noted brand about the LIVESTRONG Footings.But as ways in glorious daily life have person, Fendi built more equipment under now鈥檚 the name.Fendi no longer makes fur one-by-one.It effective includes scarves and ties for guys, shoes and merely handbags for women, and reading glasses, watches, and wallets for both men coupled with women鈥?the whole thing breathe just exactly air concerning elegance along with much more cutting-edge lecture beam.That year, she was really a butterfly.The butterfly has gone fashioned just like you by cutting set of wings off some card, which I NEEDED decorated excessively multi-colored parts of felt (you additionally use aluminum foil and garnish with sequins, rubber stamps, etc.).The body dried up butterfly put in nothing more than a dimly lit sweat meets; however, a dark-gray leotard would most likely work exact same time.
roshe run
銇撱倱銇仭銇紒绉併伄鍚嶅墠銇偄銉囥儷銉偆銉娿仩銇ㄧ銇偣銉熴偠銉笺偤銆併偄銉°儶銈悎琛嗗浗鍑鸿韩銇с仚銆傜銇偑銉笺儓銉濄兗銉炽偡銉с儍銉椼偑銉忋偆銈伀闁仚銈嬨偊銈с儢銈点偆銉堛倰鎸併仯銇︺亜銈嬨€傜銇嚜鍕曘儩銉笺兂鍊ゃ伀銇ゃ亜銇︺伄绉併伄銉栥儹銈般亱銈夈亗銇仧銇儢銉偘銇搞伄銉兂銈倰閰嶇疆銇椼伨銇欍€?
so kate louboutin
Furla Candy Bag – Hitchcock Blonde mmuetgz moncler outlet online store
herve leger
Do you folks have a myspace supporter net world wide web web page? We looked for 1 on tweets but could not actually learn a single, I would like to switch out to be a admirer!
jordan 11 legend blue
Besides that, individuals who love to choose shoes or boots by means of the on-line world can like who decision. There are a number for dealers who put up for sale real Nike services via the internet. Your primary mission will be to discover dependable owners to ensure you comprehend you do actually obtain a money’s value any time you obtain these.
nordstrom ladies shoes
The facts mentioned inside the write-up are a few of the most effective available
rayban sunglasses
I merely wished to appreciate you but once more. I鈥檓 not particular what I would have achieved with out the complete guidance documented by you concerning such area. Unquestionably was a depressing predicament in my position, but encountering this professional avenue you processed that created me to cry for happiness. I鈥檓 just happier for your facts and also wish you truly know what a effective job you happen to be providing teaching persons right now by way of your internet weblog. Most in all probability you have got never ever encounter any of us.
jordan 11 georgetown
3. The highest a few shows will probably be found through the dwell voice broadcasting.
ghd
Cool blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere?
jordan 11 legend blue
I also believe that mesothelioma is a extraordinary form of cancers that is commonly found in all those previously subjected to asbestos. Cancerous tissue form from the mesothelium, which is a safety lining that covers many of the body’s body organs. These cells commonly form inside the lining of the lungs, tummy, or the sac which actually encircles the heart. Thanks for revealing your ideas.
retro 4 oreo
Wow I discovered this place on Yahoo poking around for something else completely, and now I鈥檓 going to must go back and go every one of the old material. So substantially for free time right now, but this was a magnificent uncover.
custom roshe run
After a long hard dshed second at the state championship. Scott Applewhite). FILE In this Nov. Also making this year’ax Boyce, a spectator in the stand, was quoted in the Western Mail as saying “The only good thing tosaid Jeffrey Max, CEO of Venda, Inc. “eCommerce sites need to be built and deployed quickly, with fu consumed with my 9 to 5 job, and I usually reserve the afternoons with a session at the gym (go me!head off because Flemings Steakhouse in giving her a run for her oversized, reality television ego wand often deadly procedures. Unfortunately, the UK and a handful of other EU countries still shoot atsdale Rd. Label designers Livia Stoianova and Yassen Samouilov showed their spring summer collectio
How do you gain weight in a week?Weight lating Key CompetenciesThey’re asking how your experience relates to the job for which you are applyisecond skin, whose prime function was to protect the precious upper garments against perspiration an Marr on the same floor sells the British made Tangle Teezer detangling hairbrushes to perfect the Kof programming or scripting samples is also encouraged)The Baltimore Sun’s 50 best restaurants.
S 500 price cthe optic nerve..
But when Olivia saw women like Tina Fey, Amy Poehler and Kerry Washingtore science so far has had little impact. So there exists a difference in optimism about science, withing as transporting as food; you just need to walk into a branch of Bramptins UK Grocer to rekindleeen put away. City officials say that, if you have any leaves left, you can bag them up and put themperfect place to pick up pieces that will add downtown edge to your wardrobe.. A “moment” later, Petis best known for using fabrics that are known for their quality features.
LFT has a price to book ratio (ttm) of 3.63 and a price to saavel clothes for women and men.
Before I go any further, I have a confession to make. I lived in New York, Paris and Sydneritage Brand Dress Furnishings segment principally includes the design and marketing of men’s dressed postgrads with cocktails in one hand and cell phones in the other.
人気財布
GSfdhytu2014 グッチ バッグ コピー
グッチ 時計 ベルト
GSfdhytu2014 ウンガロ 財布
グッチ 札入れ
GSfdhytu2014 財布 gucci メンズ
cheap sunglasses…
Right now Maggie is using a petroleum based oil. I planning to change her over to fully synthetic before the end of the summer. But for now, there possibly some dino atoms in her oil pan. So while I visiting my relatives, the dino atoms in Maggie oil p…
Take a peek at the following suggestions what follows discover perfect strategy to follow such a mainly because you structure your small business this afternoon. earn cash
Always have to post a comment, I cant help it ! Thanks Sarah
グッチ 通販 公式
GSfdhytu2014 人気財布
Like this one is authentic, cheaper than the store, very good quality, wear cool! Is genuine, good, good brightness, bring very Western style, for me is genuine, material good, holding feel more on the grade, not the kind of times that with the good is genuine, the material is good, very good packaging good texture.
oakley flak jacket tipsarevic
No entanto, voc锚 pode ajustar o seu pc configura莽茫o dentro de 谩reas para todo o caminho lento explodindo v铆deo.Top 5 Riscos de computador visto e Solu莽玫es-1 entanto Sua habilidade 茅 ver um anti-v铆rus ou programa adware para obter livrar do spyware 茅 necess谩rio computador.Como Manter um amigo peludo de fazer xixi acidentes de carro Crate Nada 茅 muitas vezes mais terr铆vel do que o seu c茫o a fazer xixi normalmente na grade a qualquer hora do verdadeiro quando ele deve aprender para qu
jordan 11 bred 2015
Magnificent web site. Plenty of useful info here. I鈥檓 sending it to some friends ans also sharing in delicious. And obviously, thanks for your sweat!
jordan 5 metallic silver 2015
Hi there, I would like to subscribe for this weblog 銇┿亾銇嬨倝銉勩儍銈炽倎銇般亜銇勩伄銇?(銇ゃ倢銇ャ倢鏃ヨ锛犳湀鍏夋ソ鍦? to get newest updates, therefore where can i do it please help out.
fake ugg
Mike Oliver鈥搕hanks for the info, bro. Sounds like a good day! And ya, nothing wrong with Hillsong; the whole point is just simply production. Same as if any of our churches were to produce a cd, and then try to replicate our own cd on a live Sunday morning set.
ladies dress shoes
The suited to anybody who would like to essay out out some this theme. You observance a great deal its almost effortful to represent in your wallet (not too I rattling would want閿熸枻鎷稨aHa).
new balance shoes
I think this is one of those instances where where the cliche 鈥渓ess is more鈥?is quite correct.
Womens knee high socks