First of all, if any of you are also currently eating from the Fuckit Bucket, may I most sincerely recommend making yourself a Gooey Butter Cake. Take that sumbitch out of the oven about 10 minutes early, too, so it’s really gooey. Sure, you might need to go at it with a spoon rather than a fork, but that’s a small price to pay for putting the dessert equivalent of a full-body massage (WITH “happy ending”) in your mouth.

Also, please to be appreciating my fancy toes:


Sorry, I should have warned you before just sticking my feet all up in your face like that. I know some people are thoroughly skeeved by feet just like some people get weird lustful toe-boners and I hope you fall into the foot camp I’m in, which can basically be described as: Feet Are Benign Objects That Neither Call Me With Their Sexy Siren Song Nor Make Me Dry-Heave In Disgust.

That polish will probably be there six months from now, sadly. Oh, and I did look for Engorged Labia in my color choices but had to settle for whatever this was called — From Russia With Love, I think? Something wacky like that; makeup product managers must love it when they’re allowed to venture out of the “Peachy Keen” box.

The actual application-of-color part of a manicure or pedicure is nice enough, but it’s really all about the wonderful things they do to you beforehand, especially if you spring for the spa variety and get the bubbly foot soak and all. I even like the semi-terrifying paraffin dip, where you purposefully put your extremities in boiling-hot wax for reasons I’ve never understood yet still enjoy.

So I had my wonderful mani/pedi, and today I got my hair trimmed — just enough to put some longevity in the cut, I hope — and now I can focus on the important business of slothing around for the rest of the week. I’m going to read trashy magazines and surf all of your websites (heLLO, could you maybe update more often?) and make half-hearted attempts to make sure the house is ready for a baby and that we’ve put away all the bear traps and jugs of poison etc and will in all likelihood continue to mysteriously attract trolls at ParentDish while writing the most vanilla, non-contentious mommyblog entries on earth.

Also, there will be Gooey Butter Cake. Quite a lot of it, I’m afraid.


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