And I just realized that “holy shit” might not have been the most felicitous expletive to choose. Sorry about that!

I made the mistake of eating dried apricots for breakfast in London not long before we left for the airport to fly home. Let’s just say that seven hour flight was not the most comfortable. On the up side, the flight was so loud that the loud bursts I was emitting were muffled. At least I thought they were.

OMG! So sorry, but I too have made that mistake!!!!!

OMG – I’m laughing in my cube and people are looking.

I did that one day at school. I was in a long, boring lecture and just kept munching. I was still out in public when things began. It was, uh, memorable. That was 17 years ago, and I still have a hard time getting the nerve to put an apricot in my mouth.

Oh, man. I have done that before. The pain! The noise!

Your comparison of apricots to ears reminds me of this poem. http://www.starve.org/teaching/intro-poetry/colonel.html

Ah… you make me laugh! Sounds like something I would do, but would be too embarrassed to write about. Hope all is well now…

“It was so bad I actually went back and dug the bag out of the trash, positive I’d missed a label that said “WARNING: CONTENTS MAY TURN ASSHOLE INTO EYE OF SAURON.”

I totally heart you. Also loving the war/battle metaphors.

Actually…I *haven’t* shit in a week and it’s getting very uncomfortable, soo…

OMG!! Priceless… I soo needed that laugh!

Oh, Sundry. Once again you turn a slightly embarrassing mishap into marvellously amusing and epic prose! You are a genius. Hope you’re all recovered now!

One time back in my college days I combated the munchies with most of a box of bran buds. Regrets!

I don’t recommend eating an entire bag of grapes before going for a run, either.

Haha, oh man. This is why I like you. You can make anything, including poop, hilarious. (I do hope you feel better now!)

I remember one time in college when I drank four little containers of apple juice because, holy hell, it tasted like manna from heaven.

I regretted that.

I read this http://rosscavins.com/content/view/224/1/ this morning and thought of you. But in a good way. As much as ass related bathroom things are a good way. Hmm. Anyway. :)

Learned this early in life when I ate way too many dried plums. They expanded in my stomach and oh, was I not happy.

Oh, that’s too funny! Although you probably weren’t laughing too much at the time….
I’ve always thought that they resemble scrotums, very soft, virtually hairless scrotums…..so I couldn’t eat a whole bag in one sitting. But dates…..hoo boy! Dried fruit is a bit of a hazard.

Also. The Sonicare. Every. Time.

Several years ago, my husband worked in a call center where the desks were grouped into little pods of 6. He sat with 4 women, who I jokingly referred to as his harem (no kidding, I have an entry in my Bridal Shower gift list thing that says “From Mike’s Harem”). He rediscovered dried apricots and would munch on a few of them throughout the day. And then couldn’t figure out what was making him so farty. The farts didn’t smell, fortunately, but he was forever trying to muffle them so as not to offend the delicate sensibilities of his harem.

Eventually he figured out that it was the apricots and began treading more gently around them.

I never realized they were the WMD of dried fruit.

PS: You had me in tears of laughter with your descriptions. You slay me, woman.

My husband did the same thing years ago — I even warned him that half a dozen of those puppies would be PLENTY, but,nope! He downed a bag. And to this day he is scared of dried apricots. :)

Ow, the minute you said “bag of dried apricots” I thought “oh, this will be bad…”. When I was pregnant, someone advised me to try them for relieving constipation; they also warned me to try ONE first, then 2 if that didn’t work. Worked like a charm, but if one did the trick – a whole bag? You poor girl!

Oh that does not sound fun at ALL!! I hope you are recovering well!!

Reminds me of the “street lit” debate.

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I have been eating Trader Joe’s apricots since Sunday. Today is Wednesday. I have been releasing lethal farts into the air at work. I started to research the effects of Apricots on the body because things were getting out of hand. I farted and HR walked into my cubicle right afterwards and walked into the fart. Never again will I eat apricots. They belong in the trash.

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I finished the last few tasty treats while reading the first paragraph. Now, I’m terrified! When will it happen? Is it really going to be that bad? Is this even slightly exaggerated?

Please say it’s not that bad….