I’ve been reading you for six(?) years and you’ve changed. But guess what, I’ve changed too. You are the first blog I ever read and aside from taking a brief break due to my own issues, I’ve read every entry not because we are exactly the same or having the same experiences, but because you are a fun writer and because your life is a fluid thing that I’m interested in following through all of its twists and turns.

As for the cross-fit douche trainer can you request never to have him again? I think I’d definitely mention that his style doesn’t work for you (or anyone, but that’s not pertinent right now).

It was really scary for me to quit my job last year and go into private practice. Shaky, unsure, no identity, people looking at me askance when I told them I was doing it on my own now. I think that I’ve cobbled together a much stronger sense of identity now that I don’t define myself as much by my job now. I just do a lot of stuff. And it’s not who I am, but it is an expression of who I am. Anyway, I couldn’t be happier for you following your heart. How else do we set good examples for those we love than by taking the risks and going for it, right?

I am sure I’m probably totally repeating people, but, since Glee is on in like half an hour, I didn’t have time to read all the comments.

That said – I like your blog because while your circumstances in life are totally different than mine, I share your sense of humor, affection for profanity, and (from what you’ve tweeted and written about anyway) your taste in literature. I don’t care what you write about. The subject matter is not as significant as the heartfelt emotion that comes through.

It’s hard not to view your life through the filter of what other people think, especially when your writing puts you in contact with so many people who, through the veil of internet anonymity, feel free to share their opinions of you in a way that perhaps those in real life would not. However, the UPSIDE to the internet is that it comes with the magic delete button.

TL;DR – If someone feels they suddenly can’t relate to you because you are writing about homeschooling and Cross-Fit rather than commute fail and day care, then they probably didn’t really relate to you in the first place.

You’ll no doubt work through the bullshit and get comfortable in your own skin. Change is fucking scary and any one of us would feel vulnerable, let alone someone brave (or perhaps a little crazy) enough to post about it in such an honest & awesome forum.

From what I’ve read in your previous posts, you kicked drinking years ago. It would seem to me that making a change like that would be pretty damn difficult and probably required various explanations that were a pain in the ass. This stuff now? Easy peasy. Now go kick that dickless wonder at the gym in his tiny goat-sack and rock on with your bad self.

WOW! I can totally relate to what you’re experiencing. I am a Social Worker and my son is 10 months old. When he was born I decided I wanted to work part-time. Unfortunately my previous place of employment “doesn’t hire part-time Social Workers” (stupid no-kids-having supervisor woman with no compassion can suck it!). At the time, my brother and sister in law were looking for child care. They asked if I’d want to be their “nanny” and that they would pay me generously. I couldn’t pass up the chance to stay home with my son AND get paid. I now spend 3.5 days a week with my nieces and son and it is such hard work but so rewarding. I am very happy doing what I a doing. AND, I still work very part-time as a Social Worker and yet I still feel like I have to explain myself when people ask what I do….Why can’t I just say, “I’m a mom and a Social Worker.” End of story.

Just echoing what others have said…your life is nothing like mine but that doesn’t matter one whit! You have an amazing way of putting things that resonates with me like no one else I’ve ever read. The experiences you write about and the feelings they create are universal.

And that gym coach? Screw him…he’s obviously enamored with himself and probably taking too many steroids!

I didn’t read all the comments either but, hello? Aren’t people SUPPOSED to CHANGE? That’s how life goes! I went the opposite way, from SAHM to working full time so I can relate with everything you are going through and even though I’ve never run a day in my life unless being chased….haha…..I still love your running blogs from before because you are just so damn funny! You are the only blog I read…KEEP IT UP!

Haha, Goingloopy: “I am sure I’m probably totally repeating people, but, since Glee is on in like half an hour, I didn’t have time to read all the comments.”

SECONDED.

I can’t believe people would actually write to you to say that! What a waste of their time and yours. I don’t identify with entitled jerkbags … so they should go stink up someone else’s blog.

You’re awesome! Keep at it!

I never comment here but I will now. I found your blog only a fee months ago and once I realized how much I enjoy it (which is to say, how much I enjoy YOU), I went back and read it from the start, as is my way when I find a new blog to follow. I even went to your old site. And I can say unequivocally, that I find you no less interesting, no less entertaining, no less though-provoking, no less period.

That being said, I totally get the whole reaction to the (admittedly irrelevant) opinion of random aquaintances. If you figure out how to deal with that, could you let me know?

Been reading you (and hardly ever commenting) since the days of Purple is a Fruit…
HAD TO comment to say that I identify with you more now then ever. SAHM is hard… rewarding and awesome, but hard in weird ways.
Anywho… keep up the good work!

I think people are often uncomfortable with someone else evolving and changing, especially if they aren’t. I’ve been reading you for YEARS and honestly, you’re one of the few blogs I still keep up with.

I’ve quit reading a lot of blogs, some because I just don’t really have time, some because I don’t relate to them anymore. But I’ve never felt the need to make a douchey announcements in the comments.

I’m sort of insecure or jealous of SAHMS and I don’t even have kids. Other days I love the rat race. I have no clue what I want. Like Betternow says ‘we’re all fucked’. Especially the people who email you to tell you they are bored of you. Weird.

oh shit, of course my SAHMS I mean WAHMS or whatever.

I’m sure you won’t even get all the way to this comment, but I’ve read you for years and years, and I find you MORE relevant to my life now. But even when you weren’t, and even when you post stuff I totally don’t agree with, I still read you. Because, man you say some funny shit sometimes!

That coach at the gym can SUCK IT!!! Any instructor worth their stinky gym shoes would not be an ass to newbies. It discourages them from coming back and if that happens a) the newbie will never get the health benfits of exercise and b) the coach will never get the monetary benefit of the newbie sticking around and continuing to pay to work their ass off. Duh. Lose-lose.

And Dooce lost some readership when she went from her crazy LA lifestyle to being a mom in Utah. Clearly she took a big hit and her success suffered enormously as a result, right? Oh wait…

Back in the day when I first quit my office job to stay home, I used to tell new people I met, “Well, I’m just a mom now, but I used to be journalist and I still do occassional freelance work.” It was so important for me to let people know I had other talents than playing with legos and eating bon bons (haha!). I’ve now been a Mom for longer than I was a journalist. We moved to a brand new place not long ago and as I was reading your post, I realized that most of the people I’ve met don’t even know about my career pre-kids. That need to justify my decisions faded. I still sometimes question myself — especially when I see Moms who balance their office jobs and family so well, but like you, I know I’m happier and I know we made the right choice. It gets easier. You can always have an office job, but you’ll never get this time back with your family.

You (and your writing) become more interesting as you go along, because you’re becoming more *yourself*– in all your complex, sometimes-confusing glory. (Wasn’t it Whitman who said “Very well: I contradict myself. I contain multitudes”?)

I think those of us who are regular long-time readers feel very happy and lucky to be invited along on your adventures by way of your writing, and from what I’m seeing in these comments, most of us are identifying with you more as you go along, not less.

Day by day you become more relevant, more interesting, more YOU. But that also means you become far less easy to size up, to pigeonhole. Not everybody’s going to react well to that. So what? Let ’em react badly. You don’t have time for all that mess; just do your thing and let them worry about theirs. You’re busy being happy, and there are a lot of us out here cheering you on while we struggle with the same things in our own lives. Keep at it! :)

You’re every bit as interesting to me as you were two months ago! Your writing is REAL. I’d read your writing no matter the topic — I like your style, your humor and your unrelenting honesty.

Right there with you. I quit teaching to be a SAHM when my first was born, and even after having my third last year, that feeling that I need to justify what I do all day has never really gone away. Why do we do that to ourselves? I do so much more in a day than my own mother did as a SAHM, but she never felt the need to justify her life to strangers. It was enough for her that we were loved, safe, and happy every day. I try to remember that every day, and remind myself that I am doing it for my kids and one day I’ll look back and be so grateful for each day I got to “do nothing” with them (ha).

So – chin up! Change is good, it just takes a little while to find your new normal! :)

I can’t read through all those other comments so I’m just skipping right down to the bottom, sorry if I’m repeating someone else …

You rock, people have a hard time handling change and you’re no different, you’ll end up on the other side, you’ll be happy, sorry there are dicks in the world and some of them work at crossfit, and finally … God I’ve been reading you FOREVER and I still hear the same voice. Doesn’t mean I know you, but there it is :)

Makes sense to me! Transitions are hard, but I think that the “at home” thing is sometimes hard to justify or have others take seriously. I work from home but I for some reason can’t take what I do seriously. The money I make pays for real things too! Groceries, preschool, clothing, extras. I just feel stupid saying “I have this business, it’s kind of this hobby…”

I feel like this a lot. Then I have days when friends email me from their office jobs complaining about their bosses. I realize how lucky I am to be able to pack up and go feed a goat or something, heh.

Too many people have written & (to be honest) I don’t have the time right now to read through them all to make sure I am not just repeating what already has been said 100 times, but:

You are relevant to ME (although your life resembles mine pretty much in zero ways — but that was true even before you made recent changes) because your writing is funny, touching, interesting, inspirational, and stimulating. (and by that I mean I learn things, like STUFF, from you). This has everything to do with who are are as a person (as much as the blog reveals that) and nothing at all to do with your job.

And, also, no one is, or really ever should be, defined by their job. It’s an unfortunate aspect of American culture, I think, but it’s wrong and it creates so much unnecessary unhappiness. So while I can empathize with your loss of identity or whatever, I think it’s something that is more superficial and externally-defined than True — that your identity or worth as a person is connected to your employment or job title. (not sure this made sense but i hope you get my gist).

I have not read the comments and I imagine I’ll be repeating some, but my respect for you has only grown since you quit your job and are doing what you’re doing. It sounds a thousand times harder and a million times more rewarding.

We’ve got little in common — I’m single, no kids, and your fitness regimen makes me want to cry — but I come to your blog because you’re a strong writer and you’re entertaining. I like that you took a chance and are doing something that’s making you happy. About 18 months ago, I was laid off from a job that didn’t make me happy and though I’m now in a much better job, I’m still getting back to myself. I didn’t realize how much of my identity was wrapped up in that job, whether or not it was sucking my soul out of my ears. Keep on doing what you do — I, for one, am still reading. :)

Kim – don’t you have better things to do than concerning yourself with letting a blogger, who is writing for more than just you, know you won’t be reading anymore? Close the tab and move on politely.

Linda – you remain interesting and relevant in my view. People change, life changes, values, beliefs, priorities and passions change. If you weren’t changing and evolving, I would hazard a guess that your blog would be much less interesting than it is now.

This post hit a nerve for me as I contemplate leaving my well paid job to start a business that is likely to earn me pittance for a LONG time. It scares the crap out of me and not just because of the money, but because what if what I do is who I am?? I don’t think it is but I am dreading that pervailing feeling of having lost my identity the minute I leave my seemingly important job.

It’s a gamble but one that I am preparing myself for. You have made the leap and I have no doubt there is still plenty of mental adjustment to go on before your new skin fits just right. Give it a chance, stretch and flex it a little, shuffle about and get it sitting just right. Then you’ll never want to take it off!

I’m sure there are people who identify with you more now. Pbotj times I was on maternity leave I felt like I has to justify all that time “off”. Like taking care of a newborn was a vacation from my job. Looking back I should have worried less and just went with the flow more. Why does your new situation have to be better or worse? It’s different and probably only one of many different things you’ll do over the years. Go with it and enjoy. You are doing important work there and I don’t mean the three articles a day!

Fuck the trainer at the gym, and fuck anyone trying to make you feel guilty for GENEROUSLY sharing tidbits about life choices that make you happy.

I find you more interesting, and more relevant to me, now. I was a stay at home mom for ten years. I never thought I would be one, and I really did feel like I lost a big chunk of my identity. I finally went out and found part time work just to be able to say I do something. Ten years later, I’m still a mom first, but I work hard at my job and I’m really good at it and I get a lot of satisfaction from it. We are lucky enough to be able to choose the balance that works for our lives, to be good, hands on mothers and also have interesting work. How cool is that?

It’ll get better when the boys start school. What you don’t have, that I do, is face to face co-workers. Awesome ones. That makes a big difference. Hang in there.

And the mean gym coach can go suck on something unpleasant.

Some 19 years ago, having used up my 6-month maternity leave from TWA, I packed my crew kit (TWA Int’l) and planned for my JFK-CDG (Paris)trip, sans newborn and 2 toddlers. As I zipped my kit closed, I said to Huz, “My heart is just not in this.” And he replied, “So, don’t go.”

And I didn’t. I called crew scheduling to say I would not be in for that flight to Paris, or any other.

And thus was the start of my “stay-at-home” life. And I have loved my life with kids.

I HATED that if I told people I was a “stay at home mom” they immediately turned to the next person to find someone more interesting to converse with.

When I had been “TWA international flight attendant”, that’s all I needed to say in order to start a conversation.

It’s a hard row to hoe, “stay-at-home”, but I really feel like Huz & I have reaped what we sowed: 3 good college kids.

For what its worth I can relate to you even more now! I quit my soul sucking job in May!! Love the direction of your blog!!!

New skin is PAINFUL, always. Hang in there.

When I first began reading you, you were on maternity leave (and I had just returned to work after my maternity leave) so somehow this voice you’ve got now stuck with me… you’re somebody with a really engaged mind who doesn’t happen to have a day job. (I know! I know! The articles! But the only way I know you is because you write, so you may as well tell me that you breathe all day. Of COURSE you write.)

Anyway, you sound more like yourself than you have since I “met” you. Just sayin’.

I think their leaving had more to do with them than with you.

I’m sorry you’re feeling so down. I keep coming back because you are an amazing writer no matter what the topic is.

You don’t have to write about your life, but I’m so glad you do.

I’ve LOVED reading about your transition — it’s so interesting to hear about what you’re up to, how you’re handling the changes, etc.

Hang in there, kiddo. You’re doing great.

When I quit my job a year and a half ago I became ridiculously defensive about it. I felt the loss of status keenly. And for me it only got worse. If my situation had worked out as well as yours seems to be than I hope I would have gotten over it. It just takes time and there is all this emotional baggage that is tied up in work. It isn’t just money or it wouldn’t have the power to hurt us all so much.

Don’t you ever doubt yourself or the decision that you have made. You are in the right place at the right time for you!

I’ve been reading you since before Riley was born. Yours is the first blog I check every day, and I’m always disappointed when there isn’t a new entry. ‘Cause you’re not allowed to do anything all day but craft blog entries for my pleasure, you know. I started my blog because I was so inspired by how honest and funny and heartfelt your blog is. I’ve since shuttered my blog, as it turns out I have neither the time nor patience to write regularly, and it turns out my family has a much lower tolerance for public exposure than I do…but still! Inspired! By you!
If you don’t like a blogger, or you grow tired of them, or you wake up one morning and decide they aren’t enough like you anymore, you click that red “x” in the corner of your browser and you find something else to do. The only reason to make an announcement about leaving is if you’re so attention hungry you can’t stand the fact that your going wouldn’t be noticed otherwise.

Not gonna lie, I am kind of going “Who are you and what did you do with Sundry?”
I don’t get the whole.. home schooling and scrap booking thing, I kinda got the quitting the job thing and hey, you’re happier. *Shrug* Your life is not my business and I’m in no place to judge.

I’m gonna keep reading unless you start telling me what days of the week I can bleed on.

I have been reading you since you were on DIARYLAND. When I started reading you drank and you weren’t ready to have kids and your entries were largely hilarious. Eight (holy shit I’m old) years later you have grown into this full-on amazing person who writes tremendously touching, nuanced entries and regularly makes me cry. You’re still hilarious but you are also one thousand other wonderful things and I hope you are really, really proud of the amazing person you have become.

I totally admire you for leaving your horrific job and I’m jealous that I can’t do the same. I would love to quit my similarly ego crushing job and do something I really love, like write. So I still think you are wonderful, and funny, and witty, and smart, and beautiful just like you always were. Don’t ever let anyone tell you any different. And now you are happy too, which is completely amazing and you absolutely deserve it.

dude. i love this journey that you’re taking us through. it’s very real and very you and whatever you do – i identify with you and i also think you’re awesome. still and always a badass!

I, too, identify more with you now. I always have but since I don’t work outside the home I couldn’t co-miserate before.

I am in AWE of your multi-tasking and goal setting. I would love to homeschool for a year or so just for the shared experience of learning with my kids, I would LOVE to be able to juggle freelance writing and kids – alas, I cannot. I cannot even get a moment to write on a washed up, dusty blog, let alone take a crack at freelancing, something i’ve always wanted to do.

You MUST give yourself a break – you are still the same insecure, foul-mouthed mo-fo and that’s why I love you … but this “new” gig you have going on is BRAND SPANK-ASS new and it’s going to take more than four weeks to find your groove of confidence. I’ve been a stay at home for three years now and I’m just coming into my zone of confidence about it all.

If someone can’t relate to you because you aren’t going to an office every day to do stupid work then fuck them — you are totally inspiring me and tons of others with the groovy scrapbooking, which by the way is awesome, lesson planning, and making exercise time for yourself !!

I think you are also overlooking one of the biggest issues – totally worth a few “articles” … making the transition from office to working at home and feeling like you’ve lost an identity chip. This is common and normal, other mothers have told me about this too, I felt it. I hated losing my paycheck. A paycheck, no matter how small or large is validation that you showed up and did something,that you mattered to someone… you are still getting paychecks but when you are with your kids all day there is no validation that the world recognizes. And kids are rather thankless beasts. It’s more of an emotional assurance that you got to experience the world with your kids, that you helped shaped who they were that day, and, on days when they are little assholes, it’s a real kick in the shorts, but you go on anyway.

Point is: fuck the people who don’t like your scrapbooking and homeschooling. You are trying new things! Living! You dared to make a change! Woo-effing-Hoo!

And … on a more personal note, I’m totally stuck in painful inertia land and your courage to make change happen is exactly what I need in my life. You are inspiring. Many many people never have the courage to make drastic risky changes, like you have. Go You!

I got laid off a year ago, and have enjoyed my time with my son so much. But I can’t admit that to any of the thousands of people expecting me to pick myself back up and get another full time job right away. I can relate to you now more than ever (but relating to you was not my first concern, you are a good writer and you are funny, I just liked reading your stuff). Keep being whoever it is that you are, even when that takes a sharp left turn.

I love you.

I love you because you say FUCK when I think it and am afraid my dad is going to read it.

I love that you took this brave, brave step. I love that your cooking. Right now, you are me three years ago.

You should try baking bread. It’s really easy (artisan bread in five method) and it makes people stand in utter awe of you. Like, you MADE this?

And you just say, very modestly, well, yeah, I want to do what’s best for my family… and booyah! You are da bomb diggity.

(note to self, no more commenting on blogs at 1 am. you sound stupid now.)

Linda-
I only started reading your blog about a month ago, but I am SO glad I found it! I have a 3.5 month old son, and I am currently staying home with him AND I LOVE IT. I am taking classes in order to return to nursing school, and somehow I feel the need to emphasize that to other people, as if staying home with my son was not good enough…? I don’t get it, I am so happy to be able to stay with him and not stick him in some crappy daycare, and yet I feel a bit of a lost identity also without a job…

I’ve been reading you since Diaryland, and quite frankly we’ve both gotten a lot more interesting. :) I realize there’s no need to hate on the haters, but it truly may be the difficulty of watching someone keep moving while you stand still. You have most certainly kept moving over the years, but in a real (and oh, so identifiable) way. And yet you are, in fact, the same foul-mouthed insecure motherfucker you always have been. I’ve quit reading plenty of blogs over the years, but for what it’s worth, I’m not even close to bored with your story.

With so many comments, I’m guessing you won’t even read this, but I had to write: your post really touched me!
I’ve been a freelance translator (and occasional English teacher at local universities) for – gasp – 15 years. I translate complex, technical texts and have worked for multinationals, WHO, research facilities… Yet my dad still keeps wondering when I’m going to get a “real job” (I’m 41, I don’t know what planet he’s on). My ex, who had the same type of job (though less successfully – time management wasn’t his strong point, nor the self-discipline needed when you work from home), also feels that he can turn up late when he comes to get our daughters or whatever, figuring that “I’ll be home anyway” and “probably don’t have much that’s important to do”. My clients – some of them, anyway – feel they can phone me day or night; my daughters are now old enough to realise that I “don’t work properly” because I “don’t get all dressed up to go to work”; most people seem to think that all you need to be a translator is Google Translate and a good dictionary, whereas a) that’s crap, translating is a skill that not everyone has and b) I have a post-graduate degree in specialist medical translation, even though my dad still hasn’t really forgiven me for the fact that I didn’t take Business Studies or something at university (would have rather died, actually, and thoroughly enjoyed studying “useless” French and Spanish literature)…
I could go on, but won’t!
It IS hard working from home, it is hard to feel that yeah, you’re doing something “real”, and it is hard to be appreciated. I still struggle with it, even now.
BUT.
I love the freedom of being able to take part in things at school (I’m in the parents’ association), of being able to go shopping or out for a walk when I want to…
Now that my daughters are both in primary school (one’s in 4th grade, the other in 1st grade), I relish my time “at home”.
I don’t get your homeschooling thing (you could never, ever, ever have got me to do that), but it’s your choice and you’re making it work.
Welcome to the world of the freelancer – it’s tough, but in the end: who’s coming out on top, us, or the poor buggers who have to commute, wear a suit, go to meetings, deal with snarky/insane/unpleasant colleagues, etc.?
I wouldn’t change status for all the tea in China…

I totally hear you – I’ve ended up freelancing kind of unexpectedly (with two proper 2year full time hard work busy well paid jobs that just so happen to mean I work from home) having always worked in an office. I love it, but find myself poking fun at my life – ‘look at me, i’m so domesticated that I bake anc clean and cook in my pyjamas’ being a familiar example. I’ve kind of lost confidence in myself, at the same time as feeling as grown up and professionally successful as I ever have. I’m happier than ever, but I, too, feel that I have to justify my life. I love what you’re writing, love what you’re doing. Atta girl.

I’ve read you for years and you always felt like the inner me- all smart ass and cussing (had to clean up my mouth after the kids learned to talk). And in alot of ways not me- exercise is my enemy and hiking? only if there are donuts at the end of the trail)

But I have to say you are feeling more familiar to me- making bread, homeschooling, scrapbooking- these are things I do. And you have the balls to still be a smart ass and cuss and roll your eyes at the husband and kids and all the little things that make up the big things.

Be you! I’ll read you no matter what – even the celebrity stuff that I *never* read.

PS: I totally believe in karma and that jerk of an instructor will get his one day. (gotta say, my passive aggressive side would realllly be thinking of calling the gym to complain about him and daydream of JB punching his face- and then swooping you off hiking or something. *grin*)

Yours is the first blog I check every morning. No matter what the subject matter you always make me smile, laugh, even cry. I loved your blog before and I love it now. Never feel the need to justify yourself for doing what makes you happy, I think you are brave and awesome :)