blankie

Hey, why not take your child’s most cherished object and cut it into pieces? Just picture the delight on their face when they discover a severed chunk of their beloved blanket in their lunchbox! Perhaps you could include a little note from Mom: “Quit acting like such a goddamned baby or you’re next.”

care

Listen, we know your vagina is probably like an old baseball mitt filled with Bubble Yum, but that’s really no excuse not to make at least a cursory swipe at it with a razor once every few months or so, junglebush. Also, remember that it’s okay to have a few personal interests, even though that of course means you’re taking precious energy away from loving your children.

cry

Don’t forget: crying at work is not only professional, it will hurt your pregnancy if you don’t do it.

hubby

Ha ha HAAAAA, oh god, we can’t even believe we published this one. It’s like we held a contest to see who could come up with the most condescending, offensive advice possible! (Pam, please report to the front desk to collect your fruit basket.)

joke

Email joke chains are ALWAYS appreciated. There are no exceptions.

140

Turns out this isn’t technically “true” at all, especially if you take the time to document some of our more useful tips and share them on the internet, but what are you going to do—cry about it? (Of course if you DON’T cry you’ll probably get cancer.) Happy working mothering, everyone!

Comments

Subscribe
Notify of
guest
64 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Danell
Danell
10 years ago

An old baseball mitt filled with Bubble Yum. Junglebush. ARE YOU SPYING ON ME?

shygirl
shygirl
10 years ago

BWAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh, Sundry. I do love you so. Thank you for posting this!

Sarah M.
Sarah M.
10 years ago

OMG. I just went back to work after being a SAHM for a few years. And yesterday I was browsing around my Nook and saw that I could get a free 14 day sub to Working Mother so I said what the hey and downloaded it. And totally was o_O to the same stuff you were (especially the blankie bit).

Then I open Google Reader tonight and discover you had the same comments. Thank you, it’s not just me. ROFL

AC
AC
10 years ago

I love you, Linda. LOVE YOU. Funniest.post.ever. THANK YOU!

MotherGooseAmy
MotherGooseAmy
10 years ago

As a mother of two who works full time outside the home, who has never not worked… EVER since graduating college…I cannot express how serious I am when I tell you I absolutely ABHOR this magazine.

There are many reasons why I hate it, and your blog post expressed it perfectly. But since I am ragging on this POS publication I’d like to point out the thing I hate the MOST:

When they feature moms and how they balance their career, they are always high paid executives with either stay at home husbands and or nannies. The are never working class Moms who go take their kids (godforbid) to a daycare center or rely on help from family and friends.

Man, just once could the cover girl be say, a McDonald’s restaurant manager or a medical assistant. Jeez.

There… I feel better now.

Guess I should get some sleep because…”Time to make the donuts…”

laziza
laziza
10 years ago

DYING at the poor mutilated blankie advice. Can you IMAGINE? I just keep thinking of the horse head in Godfather.

Jess
10 years ago

Oh thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for making me laugh until my sides hurt. I needed that.

trackback

[…] Thoughtful, timeless advice from ‘Working Mother’ magazine Rate this: Share this:TwitterFacebookStumbleUponEmailLike this:LikeBe the first to like this post. This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. ← 25 things about pre-Mommy me […]

Alexis
Alexis
10 years ago

“Your kids’ materialism isn’t so bad…
Little minds can be very complicated: children say “I need a Wii,” but what they might really be saying is “I love my family.”

I’m dumbfounded.

Cheryl M.
10 years ago

Yeah, I’m pretty sure my son would tar and feather me if I cut a piece of his blankie. Especially since I made it for him!

kristylynne
kristylynne
10 years ago

Or hey! Why not just cut the head off your kid’s teddy bear and put it in the lunchbox too? Nothing says “have a great day!” like a severed teddy bear head.

deborah l quinn
10 years ago

Dear Christ that’s funny. And kind of sad. Women’s magazines (okay, probably men’s magazines too) are filled with such CRAP and yet we keep reading/subscribing/buying these things… this post will definitely be sent around to ALL my friends, b/c you know, nothing says “I love you” like an email chain.

Sarah
Sarah
10 years ago

This cracked me up. I too had the cheapo Amazon subscription but the magazine made me stabby. Like someone else mentioned, all the “covergirls” were quite wealthy moms who relied on other people to raise their kids, and not in a “it takes a village” kind of way. Yuck!

sam
sam
10 years ago

hahhahahahahahhaahahah oh i laughed and laughed.