May
15
When Riley and I were in DC a few weeks ago for the Hershey’s/Night at the Museum event, we were sitting with the other bloggers at breakfast and I somehow won a free trip back to DC for the Night at the Museum 2 premiere. I was kind of confused about the whole thing because they called my name while I was having this intense discussion with Mom-101‘s nephew Brodie about coffee and he was just in the middle of asking why people don’t just pour coffee on their heads instead of drinking it in the morning and I was all dude, I think you’re on to something there, that would sure wake MY ass up, and then someone was all, “Linda!” and I was like Riley stop standing on your chair and eat your cereal huh?
Which is how I came to be at some fancypants movie premiere last night with the actual stars of the movie in attendance and lots of women wearing fierce shoes and jutting collarbones and everyone being very cool except of course for me, because I was busy urging Amy to do the “I’m crushing your head!” thing at Owen Wilson.
She totally did it, too. Ha ha ha DOOOOORRK!
I was determined to get a picture of the two of us flanking Ben Stiller, maybe giving him rabbit ears or forcing him to yell MOMMYBLAWWG or something while we towered over him in our heels (such a cliche and yet so true: movie stars, they’re just like Us! Assuming Us = short), and I actually went so far as to grab his arm as he was being ushered by, because oh, you know, why NOT physically accost the guy surrounded with security, but sadly he scampered away before I could drag him to a halt.
Whoah, check it out! It’s Ricky Gervais! Oh Ricky you’re so fine you’re so fine you blow my mind hey Ricky! Hey RICKY! Ha ha ha ha haaaa I bet you have never heard THAT one before, Mr. Gervais! Wait where are you going?
After the celebrity-gawking we filed into a giant IMAX theater and watched the movie and that was pretty enjoyable, partially because the film has some legitimately laugh-out-loud funny scenes and partially because the good people at Hershey’s had provided these massive feed-bags of Reese’s Pieces (which I heard Owen Wilson dismiss when offered some by his handler. “I don’t need any damn candy“, he said, like OMG my body is a temple. Men who fear sugar: Hot or Not? I say Not, even when combined with a sexy broken-ass nose).
Afterwards there was this big fancy party thing and instead of mingling I holed up with Amy and we talked about, wait for it, our kids. Everyone else was standing around nibbling at canapes and teetering back and forth in their stilettos and looking very posh and I was like OH MAN POTTY TRAINING I KNOW. The guy who plays Napoleon in the movie was standing nearby with his swan-necked, much-younger girlfriend and I think I actually drove them away with my enthusiastic, detailed description of our post-potty wiping technique.
Clearly I shouldn’t be invited to such things and in fact probably should never leave the confines of my house, but ANYWAY, it was a fantastically fun evening, particularly because I finally got to meet Amy in person. I’m super grateful to Hershey’s for the trip, and for the extra ten pounds of ass-fat I gained from their delicious candy that Owen Wilson wouldn’t eat.
May
13
A while ago I came across a blog post where the author had included a little series of questions she’d asked her two children to answer, which I thought it was really neat and planned to copy the idea while of course giving full credit to the blogger. Of course, I immediately forgot all about it until I found a random text document sitting on my desktop titled, awesomely, “DO THIS”, and now I can’t remember who I stole it from and some of the questions got deleted and anyway I AM MAKING THE “L” SIGN ON MY FOREHEAD RIGHT NOW.
Bee-tee-dubs, I know this will be interesting to exactly none of you, but maybe you’d like to do it with your own kids, especially if they’re small—it seems like a fun thing to do a couple times each year just to see how the answers change.
My interview with Riley, age 3.5:
Okay, ready for some questions? Here goes. What is something I always say to you? “Uhhhhh. Mommy.” “Yes?” “Mommy.” “Oh, you’re saying I say ‘Mommy’ to you all the time?” “Uhhhh. Can you turn Curious George back on?” “No, seriously, this will only take a couple minutes.” “Hmmph.”
What makes me happy? “Notes.” “Like notes you write to me?” “Yeah.”
What makes me sad? “I don’t know.”
How do I make you laugh? “Tickling me.”
What do you think I was like as a child? “I don’t know.” “Well, happy, angry, funny, hungry—” “Yeah! Hungry.”
How old am I? (Holds up three fingers) “Three?” “Yeah, three. Mommy, how many pounds are you?” “Next question!”
How tall am I? “This tall.” (Raises arms above his head)
What is my favorite thing to do? “Color.” (Note: FALSE.)
What do I do when you’re not around? “Um, I don’t know.” “Do you think I read books, or play on the computer, or exercise, or—” “Exerciiiiiise!”
If I become famous, what will it be for? “I don’t know.”
What am I really good at? “Chasing me.”
What am I not really good at? “Uhhhhh.” JB: “Taking out the trash!” Riley: “Yeah, taking out the trash.”
What is my job? “You go in the excavator.” (Note: I wish.)
What is my favorite food? “Hmmm. Chicken?”
What makes you proud of me? “About watching me when I’m watching Curious George.” (Uhhh, okay.)
What makes me proud of you? “When I clean the toys up.”
What do you and I do together? “Get marshmallows tomorrow. Hey! Can we do that?”
How are we the same? “You look like me, your eyes are the same as me.”
How are you and I different? “Your hair looks funny.”
How do you know that I love you? “I don’t know.” “Maybe like at bedtime when I tell you I love you?” “Yeah! At night night time.”
What is one thing you wish you could change about me? “I don’t know. CAN I WATCH CURIOUS GEORGE NOW.”
What do you wish you could go and do with me? “Go get marshmallows.”
fin
PS: For the record, my interview with Dylan, age 15 months:
Okay, Dylan, what is— “BALL! BALLLLL.” “Uh, but what—” “BALLLLL! BALL. BALL? BALL? BALLLLL.” “Okay. Well, so Dylan, what—” “MEOW. MEOOW. GEE-GA!”
-
My product review site:
[