March 27, 2007

Today I am wearing a pair of jeans that have not fit since several months pre-pregnancy, so here’s a big old middle finger for the bathroom scale, and a jaunty cry of “Sit and spin, motherfucker. RIDE STOPS AT THE ELBOW.”

The only problem is that these jeans are old enough that they’re out of style. Believe me, I’m no fashionista, but jeans have changed in subtle ways from this once-trendy Gap variant—this pair is slim-fitting, stretchy, with a flared leg (rather than the noticeably different boot-cut) and a waist that, oh my god, sits at my waist. That’s right, I’m currently wearing what must be the last earthly pair of non-low-rise jeans. It’s weird and maybe less comfortable in some ways and I will freely admit these don’t give Good Ass the way low-rises do, but it is a refreshing sensation to be sitting down and not have half my lower body creeping up over the waist of my pants. I hardly know what to do with myself with all the free time I normally devote to furtively hauling up my southward-bound denim. Maybe I should take up knitting.

I’m glad to be distracted by the simple dumb happiness of wearing previously too-small, currently unfashionable jeans because last night before bed I was reading How We Die and wallowing in some fascinating stuff about pathology and clinical death and all of a sudden amongst the technical descriptions of myocardial infarctions and cerebrovascular accidents there was this gut-wrenching account of a little girl’s violent murder, which happened for absolutely no reason—she was randomly attacked by a knife-wielding psycho, right in front of her family—and went on to describe in vivid detail what happened to her body and included a first-hand account by her mother and jesus, it was probably the most horrible thing I’ve ever read in my entire life. I put the book down and turned off the light and I am not even lying when I tell you I forced myself to think about zombies because anything was better than dwelling on that little girl’s death.

I was still kind of haunted by that story this morning and thinking that while I sort of wish I could go back in time and skip that chapter, it gave me a chilly wash of perspective that’s actually helpful right now. We had a hard night with Riley yesterday and I was so frustrated and feeling hurt and unhappy, and while I don’t discount our own challenges it’s good for me to focus on how fortunate our lives really are. Break my heart all you want, little boy, just please, please, please be safe, forever and ever and ever.


Did I mention zombies? I think I did! How about a wedding party doing the zombie “Thriller” dance? Knitted zombies? Zombie blog? How long before zombie muscles deteriorate? Zombie preparedness kit? Zombies attacking an Apple Store? OH ZOMBIES I FEAR YOU LOVE YOU FEAR YOU LOVE YOU SO.


28 Responses to “Denim, death, decay”

  1. Omu on March 27th, 2007 12:44 pm

    They’ve had the author of “How We Die” on our morning show. Believe it or not, he’s got a great sense of humor. I don’t think I’d be up for reading about a little girl’s murder though… Since becoming a mom I tear up at seeing kids skin their knees for pete’s sake. Those darn pregnancy hormones just never go away!

  2. Coleen on March 27th, 2007 12:46 pm

    That Thriller video is the best thing I have ever, ever seen.

  3. Rumblelizard on March 27th, 2007 12:52 pm

    How about your own zombie portrait? (Scroll down) or this zombie rights march that was counter-protested by pirates? So many fun zombie things, so little time…

  4. justmouse on March 27th, 2007 12:58 pm

    i type medical reports for a living. mostly it’s all colonoscopies and appendectomies and hip replacements. it gets to the point where you don’t even really hear it anymore. but every now and then i get one on a 4-year-old who was in a horrific car accident, or a 14-year-old boy who ran back into his burning house to save his dog, or an 17-year-old who died of cancer ONE DAY before his 18th birthday. and i have to get up from my keyboard, and just take a little walk, or go look out the window for a while….just to regain my sense of calm. those ones are really, really hard.

    oh…about the weight loss…YAY FOR YOU!!! *is insanely jealous, but very happy for you all the same*

  5. wealhtheow on March 27th, 2007 12:59 pm

    Since you’ve been on this zombie kick, I’ve started noticing how almost all the TV I watch would be massively improved if at least one of the main characters, if not all, became zombies. I can’t stop thinking about it.

  6. Trena on March 27th, 2007 1:03 pm

    Yeah…I can’t watch/hear/read anything anymore about little kids getting hurt without it really bothering me alot. Some program was on the other night about some kid who was molested and killed by his friend’s dad and I just had to turn it off and think about something else because I couldn’t stop my mind from going back to what I would do if that ever happened to Owen–not a happy place.

    Um, also thanks for the Zombie addiction. I finished World War Z (good, but not nearly long enough) last week and am now working my way all too quickly through Monster Island.

  7. Trena on March 27th, 2007 1:04 pm

    oh, and CONGRATS ON THE JEANS!!!! Any pre-pregnancy clothes fitting and fitting well is cause enough for massive celebration!

  8. sognatrice on March 27th, 2007 1:05 pm

    Whaddya mean out of style? Jeans that actually fit are *always* in style!

    I’m going to try to start thinking of zombies now to stop myself from thinking of the little girl’s violent murder. Safe to say I probably won’t be reading that book.

  9. Mychal on March 27th, 2007 1:12 pm

    I read How We Die too and that part was hard. I recently finished reading Death’s Acre and it was really good. It’s about the Body Farm in Tennessee; it’s kind of like CSI in book form.

  10. Pete on March 27th, 2007 1:19 pm

    A 14 year old in our neighborhood was riding his bike and got hit by a car and died. The kid rode off the sidewalk into the street on a blink corner and some lady who didn’t have the time to react hit him. After several months there is still a memorial on the corner. Everytime I walk with my kids by the memorial I remind them that sometimes the difference between life and death is one second and the wrong decision. That is one of the hardest parts of being a parent is when you start to give your child the freedom to make decisions because sometimes bad luck and bad timing meet. It’s a fine line between protecting your children and letting them grow. I’m selfish, I don’t want to deal with losing a child. Let them deal with losing me. ;-)
    Anyway, congrats on the jeans.

  11. Laura on March 27th, 2007 1:31 pm

    As a knitting addict, I heartily applaud your knitted zombies. I LOVE THEM!

  12. Swistle on March 27th, 2007 1:36 pm

    I wish for a built-in filter for my brain, something that will filter out all “little children getting hurt/killed in easily-visualized ways” material. I saw part of a TV show that I don’t want to even talk about because that would mean thinking about it, and I screamed into a pillow for awhile afterward. Not because I’m SOOOOOOOO sensitive and dramatic, but because the zombie distraction idea had not occurred to me. Vampires would work for me, too: the only Stephen King book that scared me so bad I actually believed in something I don’t believe in was ‘Salem’s Lot.

  13. breckgirl on March 27th, 2007 1:55 pm

    I hate hearing/reading about that kind of thing, too, especially now that I am a mom. Last night I was reading about the “a word” (abortion) and came upon descriptions of how different types of abortions are performed at different times in the baby’s development. It made me feel physically ill. I don’t know if is just a greater sensitivity now that I have a child or what but man, I felt sick.

    And about this zombie fetish of yours – I need some zombie basics. Is there a zombie primer or Zombie 101 for us virgins? I just don’t know what this whole thing is about, although I have always been fond of the traditional Night of the Living Dead type of zombies. Sounds like zombies are having some sort of comeback these days. Knitted zombies sounds very interesting. Please post one of these when you knit one.

  14. Karla on March 27th, 2007 2:01 pm

    Ahh yes, the flare. And jeans that sit at the waist. I am still hanging on to a large sum of jeans in my closet that fit that category because I paid a shit load of money for them and I can’t bear to part with them.

  15. cmhl on March 27th, 2007 2:15 pm

    I am STILL smiling at your “sit and spin motherfucker, rides stop at the elbow” comment. that is the funniest thing I have read all day!! LOVE it!

    **now, to somehow incorporate that into conversation…

  16. Marolyn on March 27th, 2007 2:55 pm

    Hubby actually WANTED a Zombie Wedding!! We had two .. one civil and one Medievel… but that was his first idea.. wouldn’t it be cool if….!!!!

  17. Karina on March 27th, 2007 2:56 pm

    Ok since you have started with the Zombies, they seem to be everywhere.
    one– Thriller meets Bollywood:

    Two: Jonathan Coulton sings “eat your brains”

    and finally three: Kassie vs the monsters


  18. MRW on March 27th, 2007 3:09 pm

    OK clearly my wedding party wasn’t nearly dedicated enough. The Thriller wedding party made my day!

  19. Joanne on March 27th, 2007 4:11 pm

    I never think about zombies and never go to movies about zombies but I am reading Jodi Picoult’s Nineteen Minutes right now, about a school shooting? And I think I might have to put it down, it is messing me up so much. The boy that does the shootings was a bad baby, colicky, and I think “oh no! MY baby was colicky and bad! Please, please, don’t be a school shooter, Anthony”. Sigh. So I’m right there with you. And congratulations on the jeans!

  20. Brooke on March 27th, 2007 4:13 pm

    Those zombie flicks are awesome! And the knitted ones? I love the one where they’re unraveling the fellow on the floor.

  21. Melanie on March 27th, 2007 7:17 pm

    Maybe the low-rise will go away eventually and there won’t be so much plumber butt in the world. Hooray for zombie-love!

  22. Sarah on March 27th, 2007 10:54 pm

    Hey dude, anytime you want to learn to knit… I’ve got a whole house of enabling instruments to aid you on your way to a yarn addiction!

  23. Donna on March 28th, 2007 12:29 am
  24. Jhianna on March 28th, 2007 9:42 am

    I’m going to require that zombie preparedness kit – it’s awesome!

    Love the knitted zombies too.

    And w00t on the jeans fitting!!!

  25. Cavu on March 28th, 2007 10:13 am

    OMG. What a horrific story–that poor family.

    I had a similar moment yesterday: Driving home, I was stewing about a big-ass argument I had with someone and how my grad school prof sucks and how thesis is a big looming monster in the shadows about to come and get me.

    Then I heard a story on NPR about Somolian refugees aboard a ship who were ambushed and forced to jump into the briny deep where they would drown, and those who refused to jump were stabbed until they either died or agreed to jump. I decided maybe my life isn’t so bad.

  26. Elaine on March 28th, 2007 10:44 am

    That zombie blog made me snort lemonade out my nose. Ouch. Still, I would rather do that than read about kids dying.

  27. Josh on March 28th, 2007 3:02 pm

    Sorry about the little girl death and all that jazz, but super mega ultra mighty awesome power thanks for the zombie links. YouTube is some sort of internet treasure hunt sent by God to keep us too busy to sin, and I for one really wouldn’t have felt complete today without a Thriller wedding dance. Thanks for reminding everyone that you don’t have to be an old lady on a porch to rock.

    Can’t get enough of this zombie thang you’re doing, I hope you can stay alive long enough to bring us more of this. I hope there’s plenty of internet connections above the snow line.

  28. Mymsie on March 29th, 2007 1:55 pm

    Guess what? High-waisted pants and skirts are BACK! J-Lo and Scarlet J are even sportin’ ’em.

    Know what else is back? Wayfarers! Check ’em out on Drew, Mary-Kate, and Kirsten. It IS true what JT says – what goes around comes around. ;)

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