June 20, 2007

We have decided to put carpeting in the new addition, thinking that would help make it a warm, cozy area for watching movies and the like (we have wood floors everywhere else). The pets are in cahoots to convince me otherwise, though. I’ve swabbed up three separate Barf Incidents in the last few weeks, and as utterly disgusting as the experience was each time (let me just warn you that when a household pet devours a toddler’s leftover string cheese, then horks it back up less than an hour later, the cheese will have transformed into a whitish, slimy, oblong Object of Horror, and I just threw up a little typing that) I was so thankful the barf was deposited on a wipeable floor, because DOG, for one, produced such a Lake of Nastiness (at 3 AM OH MY GOD) that if it were on carpet the only solution would have been to soak the house in gasoline and let ‘er rip, because I am telling you there would not have been enough Spot Magic in the whole world.

Dog, being a dog and therefore a marginally superior pet (although admittedly sporting a brain the approximate size and shape [and . . . flavor?] of a Flintstones vitamin), mostly keeps the contents of her stomach where they should be instead of stealthily depositing them in such areas as the exact middle of our white bedroom comforter; while Cat is a creature whose favorite Jeopardy topics would be Small Helpless Animals I Enjoy Slowly Killing, Best Times of the Evening for Howling Outside the Child’s Door (Anytime After Bedtime is the Right Time!), and Bolting My Food and Hurling It Back Up: Can I Aim Entire Undigested Kibble Pieces Inside a Nearby Shoe?

So the carpet, I’m not so sure it’s a good idea, but on the other hand as much as I love our wood floors I am so goddamned sick of sweeping up dog hair (every. five. minutes) I’ll be glad to have one room that camouflages the ever-present tumbleweeds, even if it’s spotted with barf stains. And in related news, my house is going to be featured in Apartment Therapy AND Martha Stewart Living this month! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaa.

Tomorrow I’m flying to San Francisco again for a short, work-related trip. We get in, do some kind of software-related shuck-and-jive, then we bail back home on Friday morning, which is just enough time to suffer through lots of airport security and uncomfortable plane rides and city traffic, but not enough time to do anything remotely cool. I’ll be staying at the Marriott, though, and if I remember correctly there’s some kind of amazing cream puff place just around the corner, or there’s always room service pie ordered at midnight and devoured in front of the TV, so I guess as long as there are available desserts it’s not so bad. I have my priorities, you know.


61 Responses to “Berber musings”

  1. Katie (The Yap) on June 21st, 2007 4:40 am

    Martha Stewart should do a segment on mopping up canine and feline horking. I KNOW those chows of hers have to puke. Can you picture her cleaning it up?

  2. Heather B. on June 21st, 2007 4:50 am

    I have a very sick and strange addiction to hardwood floors. Only because it’s so easy to clean up whatever shit gets on them, as opposed to carpeting which, while yeah, it’s all cozy I suppose, but once stuff gets stuck in there, it’s in there for like life. I don’t have pets who shed or puke on the carpet, but human beings have shed hair (my roommate and TONS of it) and I was once deliriously ill and threw up. Let’s just say it gets stuck in there and the only thing that will remove is a good old fashioned carpet cleaning. That was probably a little too much information, but really hardwood is just so freaking pretty. But like I said, I have a very odd addiction to it, thus the reason for why I feel compelled to rise in its defense.

  3. Belle on June 21st, 2007 5:44 am

    After too many years of fighting the vomit/uncontrolled urination of a couple of our cats, we ripped out the family room carpet, replaced it with tile and an area rug, and we’ve been living peacefully ever since. When we pulled up the carpet and pad…..eeewwwww. Some of the moisture had reached the subfloor and that’s why the smell never would go away. Maybe one day we’ll go back to carpeting, but it will only be after the cats have gone to kitty heaven.

    The thing to remember is your pets will only get older (hence more problems) and Riley will be more active. Cleats with mud, sports bags with mud, school bags with crud, you name it. I find it so much easier to sweep and mop than to drag out a vacuum sweeper that isn’t gonna pick up half the crud out of the carpet.

  4. jen - lance's wife on June 21st, 2007 9:36 am

    Good God – don’t put in carpet. We just moved from a house with all hard wood floors, to a new house with all carpet. I, too, thought I would love the ease of carpet. I hate it – with 4 kids, 2 dogs and one sloppy hubby I kick myself every freaking time that I have to pull out the rug cleaner. Get hardwood! :0)

  5. victoria on June 21st, 2007 9:44 am

    Have fun! We’ll miss you!!!

  6. Daily Tragedies on June 22nd, 2007 7:47 am

    Oh, do have a cream puff for me! I know exactly which Marriott you’re talking about, and, yes, proximity to the bakery couldn’t be better. Enjoy!

  7. LLL on June 22nd, 2007 1:41 pm

    Carpet or tile. If you have kids and pets those two words (and floor covering solutions) should be your mantra.

  8. sooboo on June 22nd, 2007 8:43 pm

    I have tile in most of the house, but carpet in the bedrooms. Guess where the cats always barf? It’s almost like they know. Nature’s Miracle is awesome and it actually will penetrate the carpet pad (if they pee) if you spray enough on. Carpet is cozy and since it’s cold where you live, it would be nice to have it. We live in a warmer climate and spent the better part of today tearing out the newish carpet in one of the bedrooms. It’s now a cement floor, which works better because it’s currently an art studio. It was making the room very hot and I had a hard time getting the fleas out of it.

  9. kara marie on June 24th, 2007 5:16 pm

    I have a Bissell handheld spot lifter, too, and it saves the carpet repeatedly. (Big dog and two fat cats. Also, I’m clumsy and spill things a lot.) Also, not to be annoying, but our cats were major pukers (we’re talking puke nearly every day), and we switched them to a wet food that doesn’t contain wheat, after our vet explained that cats can’t process grains and most catfoods are chock full of grains. No puking, ever, now. And they’re way less bitchy. And poop less. Maybe something to think about.

  10. Jess on June 25th, 2007 7:17 am

    Two words: Bissell Spotbot. My two cats are the barfingest, horkiest creatures on the planet ( large, brown, semi-digested puddle anyone?) and I moved into an apartment with brand-new beige carpet 6 months ago. It still looks amazing, many worshipful thanks to the Spotbot. And the best part is– the thing cleans ALL BY ITSELF. You turn it on and it scrubs and vacuums and everything, and gives you a beepity-beepity “I’m all done!” alarm. The only drawback is that it cleans one plate-sized area at a time, but I have found that a good vacuum fluffs the carpet right back up. Seriously consider buying one of these things if you decide to go the carpet route.

  11. willa on July 9th, 2007 1:37 pm

    shot in the dark that you’re still checking out the comments on this thread, but i want more info about the martha stewart living! i’ve been keeping my eye out all month and haven’t seen it, is it online, in the magazine? i am very curious to see two things i read avidly (your blog/martha stewarts empire) collide!

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