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Aug

27

Produce

August 27, 2007

My sleeping position of choice is flat on my stomach with my arms tucked underneath me, but lately I’ve started feeling more uncomfortable when I try to do so. Like I’m lying on something, or more specifically, someone.

The pregnancy books tell you to sleep on your side to make things easier on your heart, which has to pump massively increased blood flow into parts of your body that have enlarged during pregnancy, such as your ass. I start out nearly every night perched on one side or another, but lately I’ve been waking up on my back—which is weird, because I don’t even like sleeping on my back. I have this suspicion that I’m doing something weird with my arms, too, while I’m lying there snoring like an elephant seal, because sometimes they’re all half-dead-feeling at first, like the blood has been drained from them. Am I holding them up in my sleep like a zombie prairie dog? MAYBE.

Not that I’m sleeping in any one position for any great length of time, mind you. Oh no, my bladder has things to do, places to go! Like the bathroom, for the eight millionth time. I get up to pee so many times at night you’d think I spend each evening preparing for bedtime by power-glugging a few kegs of Gatorade. It is only slightly more ridiculous than the fact that my face seems to suddenly have received the memo that holy shit, we’re pregnant up in here, and now I’m breaking out like a crackle-voiced teenager.

Also, every single pregnancy newsletter I get from BabyCenter compares the fetus’s size to some type of food, leading me to some inescapable and disturbing eating-related associations. Apparently this week Smalltopus is the size of an avocado. Mmmm, guacamole.

:::

Random: I saw a couple of you comment on having noticed my rainbow-hued bookshelf; the scintillating story behind that organizational theme is here. Also, if you’d like to see a big ole fancy sticker I slapped on my wall yesterday (it’s cooler than it sounds), you can do so here.

:::

I think I’ve publicly mocked him for this before, but just in case I haven’t: JB refuses to buy cucumbers at the store because they are “embarrassing”.

He will, however, buy zucchini. I can’t figure this one out.