Daily piffle:

Recent Entries

Photos

www.flickr.com

Links
Search

RSS feed

May

21

9-5 and otherwise

I am feeling pleasantly busy lately as opposed to chicken-with-head-cut-offedly busy, thanks in part to cutting back on a few blogging obligations (bloglibations?). It is far more doable to write for ParentDish twice a week rather than twice a day, for instance. Also, although it seems vaguely impossible that I even have time every week for my office job, going to Workplace seems to free up some space in my life in some way that’s hard to explain — I suppose getting out and having an entirely different set of responsibilities on a part-time basis helps reduce that feeling I am wussily susceptible to, of being completely over-fucking-WHELMED by parenthood.

It doesn’t hurt that Workplace isn’t exactly what you might call a taxing environment. Sure, it’s got its frustrations (although none of them are nearly frustrating to me now as they used to seem: when confronted with an annoying work situation I just compare it to the experience of cleaning up the third milk-barf of the day; or having two small children experiencing total screaming system meltdowns at the same time; or changing a particularly disgusting poopy diaper only to have to immediately change the other kid’s poopy diaper; or staring at the clock in disbelief because you’ve got to be shitting me, there’s no way it’s only 10 AM, I am never going to survive this day, etc — which is to say, that irritating coworker/managerial SNAFU/last-minute project from hell is practically a full-body hot-stone massage in comparison), but overall my office is far more focused on downtime than deadlines. That can soooort of sometimes be an annoyance in and of itself, actually, but really, I can think of worse things to deal with. Like the dotcom job I used to have where the company was owned by a terrifyingly dysfunctional pot-smoking husband and wife team and everyone had to walk around pretending that our software products actually existed, for instance.

My office job is sometimes enjoyable and sometimes lame, and I think I used to feel that I should be entitled to a job that is NEVER lame, but now that I am more seasoned and maybe also a little jaundiced and old enough to not only know what a silicone-based makeup primer is but also to greatly appreciate its effects, I am fairly certain such a job does not exist. I mean, I still believe in pursuing a fulfilling career and I have ideas and hopes for my future job opportunities, I guess I just feel more capable of appreciating what I’ve got now.

How about you? Are you in a good place, job-wise? Have you changed the way you think about working as you’ve gotten older? Those of you who are staying home with kids, do you plan to go back to work at some point, and if so, will you pick up where you left off — or do you have different interests now?

Comments

99 Responses to “9-5 and otherwise”

Sara on May 21st, 2008 2:02 pm

Me: 32 weeks, first pregnancy, 3 weeks away from last day at work. I’m planning to stay home with the baby, but I am having serious reservations now that the end of my work outside the home time is coming up. My current job sounds similar to yours in that it has a lot of downtime and can be somewhat lame, and I felt I deserved a job that was ALWAYS fulfilling and ALWAYS exciting. So of course I jumped at the chance to quit and stay home when my husband suggested it. But now? Now I am wondering if the grass is always greener on the other side…
Sara on May 21st, 2008 2:04 pm

Meant to say NOT always greener. (Mushy brain, sorry)
Angella on May 21st, 2008 2:11 pm

Matthew and I are both self-employed, and work from home.

It has its perks, yes, but some days I dream of going to an office…
warcrygirl on May 21st, 2008 2:15 pm

When Jr was born I was a peak-time teller in a fairly busy bank. The people I worked with were mostly horrid so it was with glee that I quit when Jr was 7 months old.

I haven’t worked full time since, if you don’t count raising the kids. For the past two years I’ve been a substitute teacher and that’s good work when you can get it. Problem is since I didn’t grow up here and since the whole subbing thing is just a glorified popularity contest I only work in spurts. Imagine the most cliquey-est part of high school; now imagine those same people in their 30’s and living in a town that’s essentially a quasi-campus.

Yeah, I know.

I’d like to get a full-time position as a teacher’s assistant, that way I essentially have the same hours as my kids but most subs subbed for FIVE YEARS before getting hired. Until I can make enough money per hour to afford daycare for two kids and still bring home enough to justify working in the first place I’m sticking with subbing.
dani on May 21st, 2008 2:19 pm

funny you should ask this right now, as I have just made a big job change, primarily because I changed the way I think about my job. I decided that what I want to do (design) isn’t really happening at my current place of employment. and it might not—ever. so I decided to use my other strengths and become a manager. others can do what design there is here and I can earn more money, put in fewer hours, have an OUTSIDE LIFE and well, design on my own. fun stuff. without other people telling me what to do. someday, maybe I’ll get to he point where I’ll stop working at the big agency and do that full time. but for now, I think this is good. I hope. I’ve never been anyone’s boss before. you?
Gertie on May 21st, 2008 2:26 pm

just this morning, after dealing with MACWE (most annoying co-worker ever) once again, I looked over at my office mate and said “I need to find another job”. And I meant it.

I used to be all about the job, but now that I’m approaching 40 I see it just as a way to pay the bills while pursuing my true ‘passion’ (photography). My current job was supposed to be a straight forward low-wage nine to sixer and instead I am stuck in something that has me overworked, overstressed, and extremely underpaid for what I’m doing. Oi.
Susan on May 21st, 2008 2:26 pm

What a great question — I’m sure you’ll get a lot of interesting responses. Personally, I was languishing in a job that was, eh, okay…from the outside it looked amazing, but you know how that goes. Like Dani (points to above post), I recently had a sort of epiphany that I had the power to actually change my job. I didn’t want to leave the company (cool industry, great benefits, etc.) but I was so sick of doing stuff I hated. So I took everything I liked about my job, mulled it around, and figured out how to make myself a totally separate entity within the same department. The boss loved it and now…bliss. I love coming to work every day and am once again loving what I do. Yay!
All Adither on May 21st, 2008 2:28 pm

Thanks for posting this. It gives me hope.
ZestJenny on May 21st, 2008 2:38 pm

I hear you, Linda! I used to despair and despair over the sad state of my employment. But since I got this job at JB’s workplace (still have eyes peeled, will most likely never cross paths) I just feel really lucky to have something that pays me decently that I don’t hate.

I feel like I’ve finally figured out that your job is WORK afterall, and expecting sunshine and rainbows or utter fulfillment all the time are perhaps unrealistic expectations for WORK.
TinaNZ on May 21st, 2008 2:38 pm

Over many years I had worked my way up into a Project Manager role - and hated every minute of it. The company folded and I took the opportunity to look for work at a ‘lower’ tier where I could use the skills I knew I you arewas really good at, and lose a lot of the stress from being ultimately responsible for a lot of things I felt I had no control over. The salary is lower but it’s still enough, and I enjoy my work days a helluva lot more. Sometimes it’s easy to be fooled into thinking that the logical career progression is the only way to go, and end up being promoted into a place that doesn’t make you happy. You spend a lot of your life at work so it’s really important to make that as pleasant as you possibly can.
Sleepynita on May 21st, 2008 2:41 pm

Before the Dictator was born I worked full time at the same job I have now. At that time I was feeling worn down and actually thinking of moving into the financial field. I really think it was the whining and office politics that were getting me down; mostly because I actually gave a shit.

Now (after a year off for maternity leave - yay Canada!) I work 2 12 hour shifts a week at the same job while my son is sleeping. He has no clue really that I am gone during that time, and to me it is a break from the everyday mundane world of parenting. And I always have at least four to 8 days off before I work my next two shifts - so it also feels like I am always on holiday.

Also I like my job more since I really don’t give a rat’s ass about the politics or really even care about my coworkers and their popularity contests. It is nice to get a decent pay day and return home to my son without taking work home with me.

But I am still looking forward to another year off work when #2 arrives.
Lisa May on May 21st, 2008 2:45 pm

I don’t have an answer for this yet, but I’ve spent a LOT of time pondering the whole job situation as I go back to work in 2.5 weeks. Spending all day tending to a newborn (who, knock on wood and thank the baby gods, is a great kid but still a tiny baby who can’t talk to me or control her own bowels or esophagus) has it’s joys. But I hear you on the “holy shit is it really only 10am?” front. I can’t believe sometimes that I’ve been awake for 4.5 hours already when my husband is just getting up. (He works evenings and doesn’t get home until 1am - just so he’s not coming off as a slacker.)

Is it clear yet that I’m desperate for conversation and sleep deprived? I’m rambling a bit.

Anyway, I’m interested to see how the transition back to work goes. I have a job I like at a nonprofit that does good work, but it’s pretty hard to get up any feeling like the time I put in there is at all important when I could be home raising my kid. Even though I know I would go batshit crazy if I tried to be a SAHM, I find myself wishing I could quit my great job and try it out. It’s a conundrum unlike any I’ve faced before.
Ashley on May 21st, 2008 2:47 pm

I have no idea what I will do once I go back to work. I definitely struggle with this. I absolutely don’t want to do what I did prior to having kids. I suppose I will need to go back to school. I do know I need something all for me, like NOW. Just not sure how to obtain that.
nonsoccermom on May 21st, 2008 2:50 pm

I really like the job I currently have, and actually see it developing into a long-term career. I was happy to come back to work after the birth of my second child in December.

Work is a great way for me to feel like a person beyond just Mommy. Also, it is nice to have a cup of coffee in peace.
suzr on May 21st, 2008 2:53 pm

wrong day for this question…my boss is being a total shit today!

actually, that little vent felt good. i take it back, thanks for posting that ?

:)
E on May 21st, 2008 2:54 pm

Before my kids were born, I didn’t have a “career”, I just worked a bunch of retail and clerical positions. I didn’t really know what I wanted to be when I grew up. After kids, I realized that I really like working with kids (some people are just crazy like that.) I was a stay at home mom until my son entered Kindergarten, then I worked at the preschool my daughter went to. Before she started kindergarten, I decided to babysit 2 boys in my home so I could still be a stay at home mom. But now the babysitting job is ending, both my kids are in Elementary school, and for the first time, I’m thinking about getting a job working with children outside the home — you know… finding a workplace of my own. I’m also trying to plan my next job move so as to make a career out of teaching children. The whole plan a career thing is really hard, as is the whole job search thing.

(And before I was surprised with a pregnancy, I never would have thought I’d have children. They scared me, and I didn’t feel comfortable being around them. So… BIG change after having had kids.)
Briana on May 21st, 2008 3:01 pm

You know how I feel about my current situation…perfect schedule, but all bennies RIPPED from me upon mt part-time return. I am not nearly as passionate about work as I was pre-baby, it’s not the most important thing anymore.
I just need to find a gig that will give me health coverage, or at least pro-rate it, b/c right now I’m only making enough to cover my individual health plan + daycare.
Good book rec—”How She Really Does It- secrets of successful stay-at-work moms” by Wendy Sachs.
MRW on May 21st, 2008 3:02 pm

I had a pretty cushy job that wasn’t the most exciting thing in the world before my son was born. Then, when he was about 6 months old, I got the corporate job I thought I really wanted. But it turned out that after I had a child, I just really wasn’t interested in working insane hours at least 3-4 times per year and networking and doing the corporate thing. So, I returned to the same job I had before I had my son. Different boss, but same gig. Now that I approach it as a job and not my life, I’m happy with it. It’s never going to set the world on fire, but I work 8-5, M-F with virtually no exceptions, and it pays pretty well. I’m hoping to be able to go part time in a couple of years because I’d like to be home more, but if I can’t I won’t die. I think becoming a mom reordered my priorities and helped me really come to grips with the idea that what I do for a living is never going to be the best part of my life and that’s fine because I figure when I’m dying I’m not going to be thinking about how much I’m going to miss my job.
Trina on May 21st, 2008 3:03 pm

To be honest, I am totally jealous of your situation. I am a stay at home mom of 2 kids roughly your kids’ ages. I absolutely hated my full time job before kids so I thought that staying at home would be a better solution. Now I know that isn’t the case for everyone and I am starting to think I am one of those people. But, now that I have been home for 3 years my husband gets all weird when I tell him I think I need to find a part time job. Anyway, I know for sure once the youngest is in Kindergarten (UGH 5 years from now) I will be going back to work part time for sure, until then I live vicariously through your blog. :)
Emily on May 21st, 2008 3:09 pm

I’m in a very unfulfilling place job-wise which is why I have an interview tonight for another job. I took current job because it seemed like it would be great. For a short time it was. Previous workplace was a MAJOR stress overload and took a huge toll on every aspect of my life. Current job is just the opposite, no toll what-so-ever. Which like I said for a short while was fine. I was glad to have a NO stress place to chill out for 5 days a week 8 hours a day. Then my brain started to turn to mush and I felt like I was losing all of the skills I had ever gained. A job opp found me and that’s the interview tonight. I’m fairly excited about it but also approaching it in a much more realistic way than I did coming into this job. Hopefully I’m smarter now, a bit more savvy and will make a move that suits me and the new company. Wish me luck!
Jennifer on May 21st, 2008 3:10 pm

Fresh out of college I thought I could do anything and wanted tons of responsibility. And after working my ass off, I got exactly what I wanted along with boatloads of stress. I’m now in a position where I am sometimes bored. But you know what, it is a lot more stressful. And I can actually envision raising children AND keeping this job. Work just isn’t as important to me as is once was.
Jennifer on May 21st, 2008 3:17 pm

I mean the current job is a lot less stressful.
Felicia on May 21st, 2008 3:19 pm

I am a stay-at-home mom… sort of. I teach childbirth classes 5 hours a week (two nights) which is my passion. If I could do that more, I would.

I also work 15 hours a week doing editing (again from home). How do I find time? When my son is napping or when my husband is home to watch him… so obviously this job will not last forever. But I’m hoping he keeps the nap until preschool so it will be a seamless transation. Wishful thinking, right?

So anyway, even though I stay at home, I also work 20 hours a week. It is tough. I wish I had an office to escape to… finding down time to do anything (clean, exercise, etc.) is rough. I am still trying to find a good balance and my son is almost 17 months.
Eric's Mommy on May 21st, 2008 3:19 pm

My job used to be super stressful. Now I still work for the same company, but in a different department, and it is so much more relaxed. Now when I leave work, I leave work and don’t have to worry about anything.
Felicia on May 21st, 2008 3:20 pm

Forgot to add… once all (wishful thinking there again on having a few more) the kids are in school… I may or may not go back to my engineering job. I actually do like being my own boss.
Kirsten on May 21st, 2008 3:33 pm

hmmm, well - I’m grateful that I stuck it out at my current workplace, even though I could have made more money elsewhere…because my loyalty paid off they’ve allowed me to work from home and only go into the office twice a week for half a day WITH my five week old baby. SO, while it’s hard juggling both work and a new baby - I’m grateful for the opportunity to maintain my full time income without having to pay the exhorbitant price of daycare..which quite frankly, would probably cancel out my paycheck anyway.
I do from time to time dream about having a different “career” - but at this point in my life, I’m happy where I am.
Jamie on May 21st, 2008 3:44 pm

my professional goals are in a near-constant state of flux. i suffer from what i like to call “can’t I do a little bit of everything?” - turns out that particular lot in life doesn’t come with a 401K or benefits. damn.
squandra on May 21st, 2008 3:47 pm

I’m in a pretty good place, job-wise. Not great, but much better than when you last asked this question. :)

My boyfriend and I moved to a new state last fall, and we both vastly prefer our current jobs to the ones we left. My previous boss was a nightmare and I have never regretted getting out of that situation. I’m a TV news producer, and now that I’m at a much better station, my job is USUALLY less stressful. Plus, my boyfriend and I now both sleep at night, when it’s dark. That’s nice.

But our schedules are still fairly opposite, and that’s a (increasingly) big deal to me. My parents were both teachers, so in my mind, three straight months of togetherness is part of being a family. Now I work on Christmas.

I’ve historically had a pretty good handle on the “work is work, sometimes it sucks, sometimes it doesn’t, pay the bills, done” thing. And I have a job that’s fulfilling and exciting, and it’s great, but I’d give it up for boring in a second if it meant more time for the rest of my life. I love my job, but (don’t tell) I love my family and my boyfriend more. Someday, I’d like my schedule to reflect that.
Sonia on May 21st, 2008 3:57 pm

I went back to work part time after my son was born, and loved it. For awhile. And then his developmental delays became obvious, as did the need for various therapies. I could barely keep up with the stress of my job, and take good care of my boy. And then….as if to seal the decision…my bad luck reared it’s ugly head, and I was robbed at gunpoint at work. I had been robbed at knife point at work, years before, but I wasn’t a mom yet. Well, needless to say, I lost ALL passion for my job that day, when a drug addicted man pointed a gun at me.

This year is the first of my son being in school all day vs just mornings, and I’ve been thinking more about getting a job again. My dilemma is that I need to work from home because the likelihood that the school will call and I’d need to leave immediately to pick up my son is very high. I just don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, that I can do from home. :-) I love photography, but I’m intimidated about starting a business. Oh! I do *work* two nights a week at a friend’s business, when my husband is home with our boy. It’s a fluffy, easy, fun job that pays minimum wage. It gives me a mommy break and a few extra bucks in my pocket. For right now, it’s perfect.
Kendra on May 21st, 2008 3:59 pm

I’ve had a major mental job crisis this past year. I have a Ph.D. I worked *hard* for my Ph.D. But then we moved, and the job I was promised fell through, and I was unemployed for 6 months…and at the end of all that, I found a part-time contract job that was supposed to be temporary, but has lingered. I don’t care for what I do, and I sort of feel like my skills are rotting away, but at the same time, I LOVE working part-time, and we’re planning to adopt soon, and I can’t imagine going back to a full-time job right now. After a lot of agonizing, I think I’ve accepted doing less than what I’m capable of for now in order to focus on our family. (So watch me get laid off and have to look for something else that will undoubtedly be full-time…*sigh*)
RubiaLala on May 21st, 2008 4:00 pm

I used to be a workaholic. Until I had The Boy. Then perspective hits…ahhhh, perspective. Now I just work my 40 hours and then I can’t wait to get home to my family! I actually hate my job right now. It really sucks. But I am (not really) patiently waiting for a few things to happen and then I’m getting the heck outta here!
monkey on May 21st, 2008 4:10 pm

Yeah, I have what everyone tells me is the perfect job. I’m a lawyer for the federal govt. Given recent political developments- I’m due for another huge promotion that will crack me into the 6 figure salary range and effectively give me the federal equivalent of having made partner by the time I’m 30 (essentially I have a very good chance of making the 2nd highest grade at my agency, I’m currently at 3rd highest).

I only work 40 hours a week. Unheard of in lawyering.

Blahblahblah, I know puh-lenty of people would kill to have my job but I feel highly unfulfilled and bored. Then again, I don’t have a family/marriage.

I’ve kind of decided to make a career change that I know is going to raise some eyebrows but I’m pretty tired of waiting around for a family to justify my easy job. Now I’ve decided to just make fucktons of money for myself.

Go me!
miranda on May 21st, 2008 4:12 pm

I’m in my first “grown-up job” after college, which seemed okay when I took the position but kinda sucks now. Maybe my expectations for what my first job would be were a little too high (okay, I *know* they were a little too high) but I’m more frustrated by the fact that there’s clearly no room for professional growth and my co-workers and company seem to take sick pleasure in writing off my ideas and trying to make me as jaded as they are.

But I’ve decided to look for something else where I can grow and be happier, and until then the paycheck from the current company helps pay the bills. Plus, when things get really bad I imagine what I’ll say during my exit interview with HR. That always puts me in a better mood!
victoria on May 21st, 2008 4:19 pm

I love my job. My boss is an angel. I think God put him in my life to show me how to be a better person. Now how many people do you know who can say THAT about their boss? I sure as shooting couldn’t have ever said it before this job.
Rachel on May 21st, 2008 4:22 pm

I’ve been an at-home mom for the past twelve-plus years, and probably will be for the next five or eight years as well. So it’s not really a question of “going back to work” — with that kind of gap I get to pretty much… invent myself as an older woman. I’m actually in preproduction on Rachel 3.0 already, because I was beginning to dread that moment when my kids would flee the nest and half my identity would go with them. So I’m a (very part-time) college student, learning to do something I never would have imagined doing when I was an eighteen-year-old just starting out on adult life. At 18 I was headed for what I’m sure would have become a very expensive ten-year-seven-different-majors college experience. So it’s just as well that I’ve had/am having this twenty-plus-year interlude to figure myself out. :) (I can just see it at my high-school graduation: “So, Rachel, what are you doing next year?” “Oh, I’m taking twenty years off before college to explore my options.”)
Mico on May 21st, 2008 4:28 pm

I have worked on and off in the past 4 years because my husband and I have spent most of that time traveling. Each time I took a job with less responsibility and that paid less. Now that I am contemplating working again full time, I think that the time off might have kind of screwed me, and that it will take a few years to get back to where I left off.

That said, we just moved to a new city and the plan is that I’m going to get my MBA while my husband works. I am doing this mostly because I want a change in my career options, but don’t ask me what I want coming out on the other side! I am terrified that I’ll have spent all this time and money earning a degree and then have the same conversation (that’s a nice way of putting it) my husband and I had last weekend — I don’t know what I want to do!
Heather-in-Australia on May 21st, 2008 4:51 pm

I work in the mental health arena, and generally it’s seriously rewarding and incredibly interesting. I’m a nurse, but
I’m really functioning as a community liaison officer: linking those with mental illnesses into support groups and social networks within the community, helping them formulate and achieve individual life goals and dreams. I started maternity leave at 33 weeks pregnant, though, as I was becoming quite tired and wanted to spend my time nesting and relaxing. It was just time for me to do that rather than have much of each day focussing on some of the sadder situations that come with mental health work: time for someone else to take that over and for me to rest and think happy thoughts :). I’ll be taking 6 months maternity leave (unpaid, but the Aussie ‘Baby Bonus’ combined with savings specifically made for this purpose will help) and would like to return to work after that. I only want to go back two shifts per week, though, and hopefully afternoon or sleepover ones at that so my husband can care for our little girl then.

Speaking of our little girl, we found out yesterday that she is breech and probably quite large: that, combined with some other specific medical issues of my own (nothing terrible), mean we’ll most likely (find out for sure early next week after a more comprehensive ultrasound) be booked in for a caesarian. I can’t tell you how reassuring it is, while realising each body & experience is different yada yada, to go back and read your birth stories, Linda :). They really help with demystifying the unknown for me, so … thank you :).
Lesley on May 21st, 2008 5:11 pm

If the grass is greener in some other work place, I’m not willing to risk what I have to find out. I can work at home or in the office, I am completely supported and if I need time off I can get it at a moment’s notice. I have the Cadillac of pension plans, full medical and a reasonable dental plan and a boss who leaves me alone and trusts me to get work done. I also have supportive colleagues. Oh yes, and my job is highly interesting and creative. This job is a keeper for me.
Jennifer on May 21st, 2008 5:26 pm

I’m FINALLY ok, work-wise. I was conflicted and discouraged for a number of years until I moved into my current position.

I love my job. LOVE. They say that people will change jobs between three and seven times in a lifetime. I am so loyal to this company that I think I would die if I ever had to leave it. An added perk is that people think my job is very glamorous and exciting, which it sometimes is, but for the most part it’s like any other job. The illusion of it being more than that IS kind of awesome though!

Children are on the horizon for us and I’ve been torn with regard to the SAHM thing. On the one hand I think I would go crazy and wind up on the news but on the other, my mother stayed home with us and those are some of the most precious memories I have from my childhood. Unfortunately with as fucking expensive as everything is (and will continue to be) I simply don’t think that we could ever function on just one income. It all works out in the end though, right?
Victoria on May 21st, 2008 5:27 pm

Yeah, I’m in a pretty good place. A move to a less stressful position helped, but so did me reminding myself that it was just a job… I don’t take it all so seriously and I let more things slide. Took a good few years to get to that place, but I’m glad I’m there.
Joanne on May 21st, 2008 5:30 pm

As I’ve said 1000 times, I am a SAHM and I think it might be the Worst Job Ever. I consider it to be a great sacrifice to me professionally and personally and socially and on and on. It is a freaking hard job, I am underappreciated by my bosses (children) and there is no money and no benefits. I do it gladly though, which I know is kind of paradoxical. But such is motherhood right? No matter where you work?

ANYWAY. I used to think I would go back to work in IT (my last job was Director of Information Technology for a small private day school) as soon as my kids went off to kindergarten. But as soon as I was home for one or two years, I started to doubt that it would be possible. I figured if I’m staying home for the Shit Years, I want to be around for what will (hopefully) be the Fun Years too. I don’t see how I can go to work again 7:30 - 4:30 (on a good day, which is rare in IT) after the kids are in school. What will they do before school? And after? Did I stay home all this time just to take them to before care and after care? These are the questions that plagued me.

So now I just figure eff it, I will wait and see what happens. When my daughter is a little bit older (closer to a year), I am going to figure something out to do. I’m not sure if I’m going to clean houses, or waitress, or do contract IT work, but I am going to do something to a) get the HELL out of this house and 2) make some money. It’s my goal to make as much money as tuition costs for our kids once they go to school. My son has recently been found to be on the autism spectrum, so I feel like there might be kind of a wrench thrown in to my plans, but we will have to wait and see.

I miss working, but I try and remind myself of the bullshit that came with my jobs. Whatever else my job is now, I’ve never LOVED my job before, like actually loved it. It is an interesting experience. Lately I have been trying to think of it as a Vocation, like something that I was called to do, it makes it easier to not be afraid I’m going to go mad and kill someone.
Kate on May 21st, 2008 6:17 pm

I am an Editor for a web publication and I love it. My job is actually my dream job — and I can’t tell you how good it feels to say that after years of working unfulfilling jobs that I hated. I work 8-4, M-F (my preferred schedule) and there’s never any pressure to work over time. It’s super, it’s low-stress, it’s totally flexible. The pay is not amazing, but it’s adequate (and after I’d been there four months, I got a 12% raise).
Leah on May 21st, 2008 6:18 pm

It’s well-established that I have my dream job, but there are definitely those days that I find myself wishing it were already time to stay home with the kid for a few months. (Obviously, part of that daydream is about actually having the kid at last, but part of that is that sometimes my job is lame.) But then of course I freak out because I LOVE MY JOB! What if I become obsolete? What if I feel left out of all the office drama? What if I feel worthless that I’m not contributing to the household income and/or society at large?!

I think knowing that I’ll eventually have to go back to work makes me excited to know I’m going to have a few months off. And on the other side of the coin, knowing I’m going to have a few months off is actually helping me appreciate being at work right now.

Like you, I know I’ll be a better mother if I have a life outside the home, and it will be interesting to see just exactly what that balance will look like for me/us. Most of all, I’m just glad I have some choice in the matter. And glad that my job rocks.
Valria on May 21st, 2008 6:22 pm

I can actually say yes I’m in a good place. After being layed off in April I start a new job next Tuesday. I will be working for what was “the competitor” of my last job. I had to take a pay cut but will still make enough money to make all the ends meet.

I am blessed that there was a job for me. Timing in my lay off and someone else leaving allowed them to fund the position even though they are in reduction mode as well.

If it hadn’t been for my 17 years of loyal service at the old company and working long and erratic hours during busy times to which some friends chastised me for giving to much this opportunity may not have been opened up for me. In fact in my first interview I asked what they wanted to know about me and was told my reputation preceded me.

I love the actual work, it is a corporate job but an ever changing type of job because of changing SEC regulations always. It is also the kind of job that is tough to take home with you. My work is turned to others at the end of my shift. It also means that work does not wait for vacations so no one is ever behind when they return.

As far as viewing work any different then when I was younger. There was a brief period of time at the old company years ago that I was in management. Following the expected path of job growth for a “career” I didn’t do it long before I went back to just being a cog in the wheel. It’s a great paying job that allows me a great life but does not define me. When asked what I do I would much rather answer “garden, read, go to the dog park, play” those are the things I like to define myself with.
Sara on May 21st, 2008 7:12 pm

I have to tell you that there are days that I actually envy my husband going to work. (I am a SAHM.) For the longest time, he couldn’t understand this and we’d argue that as boring as walking around the lake with a 3 month old may be, it’s still better than sitting at work. Which is true - THAT part is better. But that part right there? Also less often. Since then, we’ve added another child (exactly 1.5 apart - what the fuck were we thinking?) and he’s spent more time at home. Now, Monday comes and he he does a hallelujah jive all the way to his car. He keeps reminding me that I am going to be all weepy when they go off to school and I know I will - the grass is always greener, you always want what you don’t have, blah de blah… but I will be calling him from home after they are both in school and he’s at work saying, “HOW DO YOU LIKE MY DICK NOW!?” as I am laying on the couch watching mindless TV with no one but me to take care of. No shit to clean up but my own. Fuck no, I am not going back to work. I’ll have done enough work in the last 6 years to equal his time until he can retire. ;)

I say this all now, but ask me once the kids have been in school for a few months. I’m pretty sure I’ll have a part time job of some sort. I am just all June Cleveresque (or pretend to be?) and want to be home before my kids go to school and before they get home from school. That’s important to me.
Eva on May 21st, 2008 7:20 pm

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and have practically been live-blogging this past week the tortuous experience of going back to work full-time (short-term), and basically the way my career usually is–a few hours a week, nights and weekends, still keeping my toe in the field(s)–is just great for me now. I work enough to feel like I am being Useful to Society and Putting my Skills to Work but I get to be mostly full-time with my toddler and I much prefer that. I do love to work and I love my job(s) but working full-time just isn’t for us (right now). My child is just too miserable in childcare and I’m not too keen on it myself.
Kristy on May 21st, 2008 7:21 pm

I raised my son and now that he’s 15 I’m 8 months away from graduating with my bachelor’s degree in business management. I have a great job that I 95% love. I have great bosses and my employer pays entirely for my education. I plan to stay and get my Masters. I probably won’t get paid for that bachelors until I get my masters and move on.

When my son was growing up I worked worthless jobs that weren’t anything but a paycheck and a drag. I sorta did things backwards and now I’m the only 30-something where I work that does not have the hassle of raising small children whilst trying to have a career. This fairs well for me since I am seen as more reliable because my job can come first.

Yes, I did things backwards. However, I really came to say that you can never appreciate what wonderiffic job might come one day if you cannot find grattitude for where you are now. Meaning I made choices all those years to put my son first, I don’t regret those choices. Like I said, I did things backwards as compared to everyone around me.
jonniker on May 21st, 2008 7:37 pm

I’m not at home with the kids, but my career was recently seriously derailed when I agreed to move to Vermont for Adam’s career. (There are no career-type jobs for me here. AT ALL.)

I loved my last job. Loved. And now, I’m freelancing, which is not really the same at all, and is tough sometimes, as it’s shifted the balance of power in our relationship, and I miss when we were on more equal footing.

That being said, it’s hard sometimes, both to imagine NOT going back to work and also GOING back to work when this job ends (and it will, almost certainly). Not because I’m lazy, but because I am … well, I’m trying to have a family, and for some reason, I’m being irrational in that I’m holding out my next steps until I get pregnant. Which could (and will likely be) the twelfth day of never.

I feel sort of paralyzed by it all lately — by the lack of available jobs for me here, by the lack of pregnancy that has had a surprising impact on my desire or lack thereof for a career. I think, in part, it’s because I never particularly enjoyed the careers I’ve had for one reason or another (corporate was too soul-draining; journalism, too competitive for laughable pay)

At the end of the day, though, one thing keeps coming back to me, and has for years: I want to go back to school to become a nurse. That’s it, and it’s strange for an editor/writer-type person, but it’s true. I just never had the time to think about what I really wanted to do before.
Anonymous on May 21st, 2008 7:50 pm

I love my job. I work full time. I miss my child but I feel like I am a better parent for being at work, for being empowered, for making money, for being strong enough to make it all work most of the time, for having a job with some flexibility. Yes, there are things I wish I could change at times. I would love to work part time versus full time but what I have works and we make it work. I would love to make as much money as I do from home but I cannot so I work. I would love to live a bigger city or on the west coast but where we live is less expensive, a better place to raise our family.

If I had any other job then what I do right now I would probably just stay home. I always liked working but this job is just so empowering so that makes a difference. Raising my son is empowering too. So I feel I have the best of both worlds. That is different from how I used to view both work and my life at various times during my life. For instance, I resented work when I first got back after maternity leave b/c I just wanted to be with my son but I now realize that work is good for me, for us for many many reasons.
heather on May 21st, 2008 8:07 pm

timely question. today was my third day at my new job, after taking six months off to travel and well, lounge about. i also decided that i was sick of the IT game (i’m a recruiter) and have instead joined a marketing/interactive firm.

i feel like at this point in my life i really, really want to excel at my job. i want to feel like i’ve done something good and productive at the end of the day. so i’m excited. i mean, this feeling could go away in six months and it might just become another blah position, but here’s hoping it won’t.
mrbranch@hotmail.com on May 21st, 2008 8:27 pm

i’ve learned that yeah, i’m bored… but that’s because i haven’t been dong, heh, oops, do-ing, anything about it. so, because my job was so boring, i showed up on a fairly, regular basis.

i’ve found that showing up, on a fairly, regular basis, i mean a somewhat, regular, basis, okay, fine! calling in a lot can get you in trouble!

so, i’ve learned, that despite my job being boring, i need my paycheck. and it’s been pretty busy as of late, and i get to use my brain, so it hasn’t been too terrible.

basically, i’ve learned that being a grown-up, with a job at a high-prestige consulting firm, is not for immature 31 Y.O.s. and i’ve learned that i need to grow up, and that i do in fact like success. i don’t like being a douchebag to acheive success, so i take a stand against that, but i do like knowing i did a good job.

so, basically, i’ve learned that with age comes being a sell-out (somewhat)… it’s a bitter, bitter pill to swallow… but so is is being homeless, so i choose the former. it sucks being a grown-up.
mrbranch@hotmail.com on May 21st, 2008 8:29 pm

i’ve learned that yeah, i’m bored… but that’s because i haven’t been dong, heh, oops, do-ing, anything about it. so, because my job was so boring, i showed up on a fairly, regular basis.

i’ve found that showing up, on a fairly, regular basis, i mean a somewhat, regular, basis, okay, fine! calling in a lot can get you in trouble!

so, i’ve learned, that despite my job being boring, i need my paycheck. it’s been pretty busy as of late, and i get to use my brain, so it hasn’t been too terrible.

basically, i’ve learned that being a grown-up, with a job at a high-prestige consulting firm, is not for immature 31 Y.O.s. i’ve learned that i need to grow up, and that i do in fact like success. i don’t like being a douchebag to acheive success, so i take a stand against that, but i do like knowing i did a good job.

so, basically, i’ve learned that with age, comes being a sell-out (somewhat)… it’s a bitter, bitter pill to swallow… but so is is being homeless, so i choose the former. it sucks being a grown-up.
Belle on May 21st, 2008 8:57 pm

I’ve been working full-time for over 36 years, except for a one-year hiatus between the only 2 jobs I’ve had in all that time. I loved my 1st job, worked very hard to get several big promotions, and was the first female manager they’d ever had. (This was from 1971-1987.) I thought I should - and could - “have it all”…. and then gave it up when our kids were in 8th and 4th grade. Too many hours, not enough time to be with family, too much stress, and I wasn’t happy.

I’ve been at my present job for 20 years now. I actually do love it, but I certainly am not using all my skills and talents…but it’s ok. I have great flexibility, I’m comfortable, I know what I’m doing and not afraid to tell people that - ha -, other people know and respect what I do, and I usually don’t even think about my job life when I get home. Pay is for shit, tho, but I actually could care less because we have what we need.

I did not miss ONE game/concert/ceremony/etc in the rest of our kids’ school years, including college. And that to me ended up being way more fulfilling than some dern job. I sure didn’t think that way in my 20s and 30s but by the time I was 40 I had it figured out…for me. I wouldn’t presume to opine on what other moms should do, but I can tell you that I never ever regretted making that change.
Carol on May 21st, 2008 9:06 pm

8 month old twins. Me: working full time managing advertising for that big tech company across the lake. We have (had?) a nanny I thought was great. I thought I was living this ideal live with Mary Poppins for a nanny, working 4 days a week, it was perfect. Well, things are quickly falling apart with the nanny, and now I’m re-thinking the whole thing. Maybe I need to give up on the career and stay home with my kids. But would I hate that? Am I cut out for that? Maybe I could work part time? I’m not sure what to do. I like my job, it’s a good career. But it’s not more important than my kids. I put my self through fertility treatment hell to have these babies - and life’s too short. But I don’t know what to do…
Sally on May 22nd, 2008 12:30 am

Gah! - you are making me think about all of this again, just when I thought that I had given the subject my customary “think” and could then bury my head in the sand again for a little while just to put off the decision-making for another day/year!

My children are 15 and 12 and I have been working part-time on and off at various jobs at intervals since they were born (not for the past couple of years, though). Now I am officially “ready for change” and would quite like to totally retrain for something new - the only sticking point is that I have absolutely no conception of what that would be. Hence the total standstill and no decision-making having been done recently! There is a real conflict between wanting to have a fulfilling worklife (and the money wouldn’t hurt) and actively enjoying being able to go to long lunches at the drop off a hat, play tennis in the mornings and not have to spend the entire weekend catching up on ironing and cleaning.
JMH on May 22nd, 2008 2:49 am

Currently, I L.O.V.E. my job, but it took years of shit to get here. I am a teacher. I taught special ed for the first 12 years of my career….and I hated it. Loved the kids, hated all of the rules, laws, insanly long meetings and paperwork. When I had my kids, it got harder to deal with it all and I resented my job. Especially when I had parents that expected me to be available to them 24/7 and I actually had one parent tell me “Your child doesn’t matter but mine does” WTF?? Anyway, due to our financial situation, I had to stay at my job (I have all of the health insurance for our family)

Sometime during the first 5 years of teaching, I knew special ed. was not for me. So, I worked on my masters degree in Educational Technology. Now, I am a Technology Applications teacher at an elementary school. My daughter goes to the same school, so I get to see her often throughout the day. My son will start kindergarten at the school within the next year and a half. Now, I feel like I have a great balance of parenting and working. I work full time 9 months of the year, my kids are at work (school) with me and I have 3 months “off” in the summer to be a SAHM (sort of). It is as close to perfect for me as possible. Love it.
Lauren on May 22nd, 2008 5:08 am

Wow, this is a question I ask myself on a daily basis. I don’t hate my job most days, and on weeks like this I actually kind of enjoy it (aaaand that would be because my boss is out of town the whole week and I literally do nothing but read my blogs, books, play mahjong and leave early when he is gone). However, I’m living in this state of constant confusion about work. A) I work for the government (the Army to be exact) and you can imagine the beurocratic bullshit this entails B) I work at a scientific research facility and this brings its own set of…issues (namely, the people…OH GOD the PhD’s)

However, A) I work for the federal government which if you haven’t heard is damn near impossible to lose your job once you’re in and the benefits & retirement are great B) I work in science actually using my degree (miracle) and I do take pride in what we do here - especially when I can see the results of what we do actually being used to help, protect and improve Soldier’s lives in the battlefield.

God, I’m sorry this is so long, but it feels kinda good to work it all out quasi-anonymously. I would love to work somewhere else, to rid myself of the red tape and the paperwork and the war bills (yeah thats a great system - we get a “budget” but then randomly and without warning its all “oh we need 100K back to pay war bills, sorry”), but I’m just not sure I can give up the security and benefits of being here - especially in this economy. But then I don’t want to be like my mother who has stayed 28 years at a job she doesn’t like just because she had stayed so long, it became pointless to get out. Oy vey, I feel damned if I do, damned if I don’t. That’s it, I’m gonna go out and buy a lottery ticket.
Pam on May 22nd, 2008 5:58 am

The way I think about work/career has changed dramatically. I am currently in a really unrewarding job and have been here for 9 years. That is way too long to be some place that sucks the ever loving soul out of you.
Went back to school 3 years ago, partly in hopes of changing careers, but mostly because I was just flat bored to tears. Now that my husband and I are about to try for a baby, I feel trapped in my job because the benefits are outstanding. I’ll stay here until I have a kid, but after that, all bets are off. I need a job where I don’t feel like I’m completely wasting my time. I need a job that challenges me intellectually, at least once a year! I also need a job where I am not the only woman in a small pond of sexist, misogynistic men.
claire on May 22nd, 2008 5:59 am

I am working somewhere that sounds a lot like your place in terms of slackedness. Some days I am pretty damn busy and then others, I play scrabble all day. BUT, I welcome the laziness compared to homelife which is all full of baby and husband and cleaning and cooking. I’m desperately trying to find a teaching job but budget cuts are killer on that field right now.
the goddess anna on May 22nd, 2008 6:10 am

When I was in the Navy, I was a linguist/intel analyst. That was my ideal job - busy at times, not so much during others, but ultra cool. But then I had the twins, and I decided to stay at home with all three kids. Two years later, I couldn’t take the pressure of being at home, but my clearance had already expired. I went to school for massage therapy - waiting to take my certification test as I type. It’s also a cool job, imo, a little stressful at times but relaxing at others. I like work that requires a bit of stress, and yet I can’t handle the stress of my kids. I justify that by saying it’s two types of stress.

To be perfectly honest, though, I miss my old job. Enough that I’m brushing up on my language skills, that I might apply to the civilian agency I worked in for the Navy. I just hope it hasn’t been too long.
Jeanette on May 22nd, 2008 6:21 am

At this point in my life when I am probably 10 years from retirement my job has become just that, my job. It’s a paycheck and health insurance.
Angela on May 22nd, 2008 6:23 am

Here’s my deal. I have no children - hopefully, I’ll calf a spawn one day, but I’m not going to hold my breath. I’m almost 30, and there are no worthy sperm donors in my immediate and not-so-immediate vicinity…so, I’m hoping it happens, but not holding my breath anymore. I’ve learned the hard way, you can’t rush things.

Career-wise? I’m presently miserable. I’m working a temporary job, which pays a lowly $10 per hour, which is really not that - ok, nix that, NOT ENGAGING AT ALL. I spend 99% of each day surfing blogs, facebook, and chatting on msn. Yes, I am grateful I have time to piss around, but I need to be mentally engaged. I wouldn’t mind one, hell, even TWO hours of piss around each day, but, 7.5 - 8 hours daily? It gets a bit old.

So, I’ve been on the hunt for another job. I’ve had several interviews for an office position - not exactly my idea of excitement - but it at least sounds busy enough to keep me well, busy each day. The pay is half-decent, and there are company benefits, so it’s definitely a step up.

Though, my ultimate goal is to obtain a University degree. But until I get some current debt out of the way, I don’t see that happening any time soon.

So, I’m starting to freak out a bit…I have not achieved the family, academic, financial, or the career goals I have hoped to have accomplished by this point in my life. I’m starting to worry if I’m running out of time.
Nikki on May 22nd, 2008 6:36 am

I have a unique situation… I work 40 hrs/week from home for a large corporation. Sounds awesome, yes? Not so much, some days. I found this job so I could stay home with my baby AND eat and pay the mortgage, but it’s incredibly difficult to do what breaks down to two full-time jobs simultaneously. When I feel that I’m paying proper attention to my job, I feel like I’m neglecting my daughter, and when I have a really great day with my daughter, I know I’m going to be up ’til midnight completing the work that went untouched. My boss is incredible, and the schedule is flexible, but I just feel like I have NO TIME to accomplish anything beyond basic childcare and work. No “me time”– or if I do take the time, I’m thinking about all the things that aren’t getting done. It’s hard to make my husband understand how much I envy his ability to LEAVE THE HOUSE and have at least twenty minutes in the car to himself. Sigh.
anonymous on May 22nd, 2008 6:49 am

My thoughts about jobs/careers have changed considerably now that I am in my 30s.

I guess the biggest change is that I totally no longer believe the expression that proclaims something like, “Follow your passion! The jobs [success] will follow!”

This is total bullshit. Turns out, my “passions” have not led anywhere, and they do not translate into available job options, either because one cannot apply to become an “Olympic Athlete” or because it seems one needs to be able to understand basic science before one can even think about becoming a computer programmer.

I have tried many, many jobs, looking for something that fulfilled my passions; stimulated me; rewarded me; made me feel useful and competent; made me happy. It’s rare that one job can live up to all our wishes for it, and the endless search for perfection that might not exist can lead you to miss seeing the good that’s right in front of you; or to appreciate the best of the realistic options you have; or to keep you constantly dissatisfied because perfection has not been attained. I no longer expect a job to give me so much, and I think (hope) that this will help me feel more satisfied in the future.

So, at this point, while I hope for perfection in a job, mostly I just want a job I don’t hate; that pays me a decent salary & offers decent benefits. Oh, and is too much to ask that the workplace environment NOT BE AIR-CONDITIONED TO SHIT so that I freeze my ass off in the summer? Or that it would be possible to open a window? I think a job that provided an opportunity to have natural light and open windows and a comfortable temperature would trump, perhaps, even a job that fulfilled me. See? My expectations have lowered with old age.

But I think that Hell MUST be a florescent-light adorned cubicle maze in a heavily-tinted & sealed shut window-ed office building pumped with sterile reprocessed air kept at a permanent temperature of “freezing” & perfumed (for hours!) with the odors of everything your coworkers ate for lunch & snack. (Microwave popcorn should be banned in offices!) Shudder.
McCashew on May 22nd, 2008 7:02 am

I think we are living a somewhat parallel life if only in the work and parenthood balance department. I echo your sentiments about home sometimes being more stressful than work. When I drop my daughter off at daycare on Tuesday morning I am ready for three glorious days of being able to walk alone, preparing mugs of tea that I won’t just get to hours later and want to spit out because they are ice cold, and I can complete my mental grown-up to do list. Today is Thursday and I am busting at the seams to race over there to pick her up because she is mine! mine! mine! until Tuesday morning. I have found my career aspirations to be somewhat altered since I returned to the workforce. I gave up the particular field of my profession in exchange for a family friendly environment, a short commute, and far less responsibility. I won’t minimize, sometimes I get bummed that I am not doing the things I set out to do, but there will be time for that later won’t there be… and if there isn’t, is it really the end of the world? I wouldn’t trade the opportunity to both work and be Mom to Caroline for anything and I know how lucky I am to have that. I do miss the benefits that accompany working full time and I am kept up late at night every once in awhile wondering how my husband handles shouldering the bulk of our financial obligations… while also worrying about the fact that I have no benefits whatsoever in this position and how we can save for both our retirements and college and on and on and on and on…
bad penguin on May 22nd, 2008 7:18 am

I usually love my job, but lately I’ve started to wonder if there is something else I could be doing. It may just be a passing fancy, as the last couple of months have been extra stressful. It may not. It takes me forever to make up my mind about stuff like that, and I still like my job more than not, so I’m probably just going to stick with what I’m doing for a while longer.
eve on May 22nd, 2008 7:25 am

I work full-time and I have a 3-year-old son. I have a cushy office job working for a great company, but it doesn’t fulfill me in the least. However, I’m well compensated and I have great benefits, so I feel like I should just suck it up. I guess I’ve never been very career-oriented, and now that I’m a mom, that’s even more true. My husband is a real go-getter, but that means he has changed jobs several times, while I’ve been at the same company for 10 years. I like the stability of my job, my big fat 401(k) account, and the fact that I can afford to send my son to a fabulous preschool. I do fantasize about finding a more fulfilling job some day, but for now I feel that it is in the best interest of my family to stay where I am. Also, if I’m being completely honest, the idea of starting a new job and possibly failing miserable scares the crap out of me. So, there’s that, too. ;)
Andrea on May 22nd, 2008 7:43 am

I have always wanted to be a writer. Wha? Really? A blogger who aspires to become published (by the mainstream publishers anyway)? That’s UNHEARD of. /sarcasm. But no, really, ever since I was 8 and wrote a story for a Halloween assignment in 3rd grade, I’ve wanted to write for a living. Sadly, I didn’t have enough confidence in myself to follow through and ended up majoring in something boring that would bring a steady paycheck (accounting). Even before kids, I would lament that I wasn’t following my dreams, that I sold out for stability as opposed to believing in myself and any inch of talent I may/may not have.

Once I had kids, I realized that even my hopes of writing in my spare time and maybe launching a writing career while still earning that steady paycheck were a pipe dream because HA HA HAHAHAHAH! Spare time. What’s that? Is that some sort of new drink put out by Coke that will turn out to be just tap water? Or maybe like the Drink Me drink from Alice and Wonderland, but it pauses time like TiVo instead of making me big? Okay, enough with the dumb analogy (and she thinks she can write? joke’s on her).

But also, since I had kids, I realized that the accounting gig gives me some breathing room from the All Demands, All the Time show in my house, and maybe it’s not so bad. Maybe it even gives me more patience to deal with the kids when I am around them, and makes me a better mom. So right now, while I’m not doing what I always wanted to do, I am doing something important (providing for my family) while still saving a few of my brain cells from total implosion during the constant raucousness in my house. Eventually, I’d like the breathing room to sit down for a little time every day and focus on writing, but I’d imagine that will happen once both kids are a little older and I don’t have to wipe butts and fetch bottles/snacks. I think my perspective did change since having kids and growing up myself a little more. What I once thought was a waste of time has become a rock of security in our lives, and that’s something when you have wee ones whining for more food. I know I can provide that food.
kristylynne on May 22nd, 2008 7:45 am

Am one of the “lucky” ones who works from home and spends a lot of time with my toddler son. But I gotta tell ya, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. I feel like I’m expected to be Super Worker, Super Mom, Super Housekeeper, Super Everything - because after all, I’m at home and should have all this time to get everything done, right? Well, it doesn’t work that way. My priorities are: child, work, housekeeping, personal hygiene. So pretty much everything but childcare and work falls by the wayside.

Still, I guess I shouldn’t complain. I still think I have it better than a lot of people. And the money is good.
Allison on May 22nd, 2008 7:49 am

I’m torn on this one daily. I absolutely adored being home on maternity leave. I was really torn about going back to work, because we technically could afford me staying home, but we’re trying to save for a house, so it just isn’t in the cards right now. Prior to my lil’ G, I was the sole breadwinner and my hubby was in school. He graduated four days after G was born, and got a job that made more than I did. Thanks to this, I was able to come back to my job part-time. Every day it’s a struggle. I really like working, some days, but other days I hate my job and whine and complain about not being able to spend all day with my baby. For now this works, but we’re looking into buying a house in a town about an hour away, and there’s no way I’m going to commute that far for a part-time gig. Also, we’re talking about trying for another baby in the fall, and I’m not sure how we can weigh the daycare costs with my income, since I now ONLY want to work part-time.
Ann on May 22nd, 2008 8:09 am

I just started freelancing and spend about 15 hours in an office and the rest in various coffee shops, on my couch, at client lunches, etc. Compared to my old 40-hour-gray-cubicle prison (where my income was subject to an oppressive HR team, where all the good websites were blocked, where the only reason I had to leave my 4-square-foot-area was to pee or get vending food junk) this freelancing gig is as delightful as a gaggle of sweet, sweet angels singing of my newfound freedom.
Alyce on May 22nd, 2008 9:16 am

Funny you should ask. I was laid off on Tuesday (economy woes, cutbacks, et al; I was not fired).

Anyone looking for a kick ass administrator/project manager in Santa Fe, NM?
Tara on May 22nd, 2008 9:25 am

I have not yet been able to find anyone willing to pay me to stay home, read many books, drink a lot of coffee, and perhaps knit here & there, which is how I’d REALLY like to spend my time, so I have given up on the whole idea of a “dream job.” I’ve finally decided that work is just a way to pay the bills and enjoy my time (and my family) when I’m NOT working.

But my current job doesn’t totally suck–I actually find it very interesting & exciting at times, the pay is good, my manager is great, they understand work/life balance, yada yada. It isn’t like I’m smoldering away in the depths of hell or anything. And since my husband was recently laid off for several months, I’ve realized just how incredibly damn lucky I am to have a job at all, much less a fairly decent one.
veralynn on May 22nd, 2008 9:27 am

I am very happy with my work situation. From time to time I hit overload with it or run into issues, but certainly less than most of my friends in their jobs. Overall, I feel like I have a job that treats me well and lets me do lots of things I’m good at, gives me lots of room to learn new things and, most importantly to me, contributes to helping people. So even when it drives me totally crazy, I wouldn’t change it.

I’m a huge believer in work/life balance, so I am pretty careful to still keep much of my focus on life outside the job.

Getting older, I’ve realized that every job is going to have some suckitude to it and it’s a matter of playing the odds to find the one that gives you the best ratio of good to suck.
anne on May 22nd, 2008 10:18 am

Mostly a lurker, especially since I’m not a mom (not that you make me feel unwelcome! just that…well, I’m not a mom, and at this point in time I probably won’t be.)

I love my job dearly. I wish I could do it for the rest of my life. However, my grant runs out in October, and unless my boss finds more funding for me, I’m out. I work in plant pathology - in this job, that means I get to do cool science in the lab, and I also get to be outside *a lot* - I work with fruit trees (acres and acres of them), so I get to do all kinds of field work.

I’m also two semesters away from getting my RN, so I do have that to work with, assuming I graduate. :)

As I’ve gotten older, I think I’ve appreciated work more and more. I appreciate the great coworkers and bosses I’ve been fortunate enough to have, and I pay more attention to the lives of my coworkers (and bosses). I think the human element makes all the difference. I’ve become less impatient with the little annoyances, and more patient with the things I need to do to do good work, regardless of the tedium or frustration. I think I’m a better employee than I was when I was younger.

Thank you for asking! Your comment section when you ask these things is fascinating.
el-e-e on May 22nd, 2008 10:57 am

You know I HAVE to comment on this: YES, in fact I DO feel like I’m in a good place as far as my job goes.

Finally!

When I had Baby #2 in Feb., I really, really thought I wanted to come back only part-time. It worked out that I could, at least for a little while, and I’m VERY happy with the arrangement. I’m like you in that I’ve finally realized it’s just. a. job. It’s not going to be perfect and it’s not my life’s work. There are some good things about it, and some not, but eh, whatever. They’re great to let me flex my time, especially. I’m learning things most days since I’ve been back, and I KNOW NOW, after Baby #2, that I couldn’t be a SAHM. (I didn’t know that the first time and LAMENTED working. A lot.)
Annabelle on May 22nd, 2008 11:04 am

I’ve been working 11 years at the same career that coincidentally is what I majored in at college. I’m 30 weeks pregnant with my first child. My 250-person company (which was like a professional family) just got bought by Big Company (>80,000 people). I have no idea what I’m going to do.

Like many of the commenters, staying at home full time is not for everyone but I’m pretty sure this one of those “the grass is always greener” situations. Luckily my boss will have me as much as I want to work, but I’m not sure I want to continue up the managerial ladder. (Besides, who knows how long before they start axing the technical staff…) I will do my work but I don’t think I’ll be up for the stress involved with managing other people. Bah. The worst part is that my co-workers, my clients, everyone wants a definitive answer on what I’m going to do and when will I be back. Mind your own business people! (Did mention I was 30 weeks pregnant?)
Elizabeth on May 22nd, 2008 11:30 am

I think this is one of those things where, as a mother, it’s so hard to get the right balance. I used to be so ambitious about my career, and while I do really like my job, I’m now OK with it taking a back seat to my family (my son is 2 and my daughter is 11 weeks). I’ve accepted that for the near future, that will mean fewer promotions and less money, but at least I still feel challenged.
I’m still on maternity leave, but I know when I go back I’ll have that same mixture of guilt and relief when I’m at work. The truth is that an office job seems way easier than being at home full time with the kids, and I sometimes feel like less of a mom when I admit that to myself.
When I’m feeling pessimistic, I think that between working full time and having two kids, I can’t give anything in my life the complete attention it deserves, so I end up feeling like I haven’t accomplished anything as well as I’d like.
But then I see my son, who is so happy and well-adjusted, and I know I must have done something right so far…
Tracy on May 22nd, 2008 12:13 pm

I have an almost two year old and a job. The thing is there was a point in my life I really wanted a fulfilling CAREER but right now I’m OK with just having a job. You know?
Kristin H on May 22nd, 2008 12:44 pm

When I was 14 my dad started the company I work for now. We analyze oil samples, like the oil in your car. It’s certainly not something I ever planned on doing (I was a magazine editor out of college), and when I started here I thought it would be temporary.

But it has evolved into a job that I totally love, and I don’t think I’ll ever go anywhere else. Partly because it’s such a unique situation: there’s no place else where I could work for my own company with my brother, but also (getting to your question) because my view of work has indeed changed since I had kids. This job allows me flexibility to be with my kids when I need to, and that has become the #1 priority for me. I am very lucky to have a job I really enjoy.
Elizabeth on May 22nd, 2008 1:36 pm

I’m at home full time with my baby, and I love it. There are days that drag on and I start to think that maybe I should go back to work, but then I realize that I would only get my girl during the hurried mornings and the cranky evenings, and I just don’t want that.

I do plan on going back to work at some point–hopefully part time–once the child (and potential future sibling) is in school, but I’m also very intimidated by the idea. I’ll have been out of the workforce for years at that point, and what if I’m not competent? What if I can’t even find a job? I struggle sometimes with being the mother of a toddler, but it’s still the best I’ve ever felt at a job, and I worry about whether I’ll be any good at anything else.
Chloe on May 22nd, 2008 3:24 pm

I hate my job with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns. The VAST majority of the time. I work retail.
Enough said.

I am trying to get a job as a baker. That would be delightful!
And er, I’m also applying to grad school. Which hopefully I will get into and enjoy.

But for now… retail… intense hatred.
Amanda on May 22nd, 2008 4:50 pm

I can’t believe you would choose to cut back the number of times you can be ragged on by some dipshit aol’rs! What’s up with that?
Erin on May 22nd, 2008 6:11 pm

Wow, I relate to this post in seriously major ways. I have two young boys as well and love my job about 85% of the time. I would be SO SAD to leave it. I love not being at home. I love eating lunch at my desk. I love making phone calls about personal business while at work and not having someone screaming about their dropped sippie cup for god’s sake while I’m trying to CONVERSE.

I’m in a good place. Busy, like I never knew what busy was before, but in a mostly good way.

I think being a working mom is so much easier than being stay-at-home, and I’m not shy about admitting that. I think it’s harder on my family in certain ways, but easier on me.
Sundry on May 22nd, 2008 6:27 pm

Erin: for me, I don’t know if I feel that it’s *easier* to be a working mom (it sure can feel HECTIC at times), it’s just *better* for me in a number of ways. I do enjoy the relative freedoms — financial and otherwise — my job provides but I think what it really offers for me personally is a change of pace, a different set of challenges. Spending an afternoon writing copy or brainstorming marketing activities is something I enjoy, and it’s fulfilling in a different way than my parental duties are. I like the mix, you know?

I guess I felt compelled to chime in to clarify that for me it’s not just about being able to make phone calls and eat lunch. Those things are nice, but there’s a lot more to it, too (and you might feel the same way, I just couldn’t tell by your comment).
thejunebug on May 22nd, 2008 7:12 pm

I love your questions, Linda. :)

Both the hubby and I work in academia, which is a tough field. Finding jobs that 1) are your particular specialty, 2) have no danger of being removed, and 3) offer benefits and pay on a comparable scale, 4) in an area you want to live… well, that’s damn hard. All that PLUS having it be a ‘fulfilling’ experience is just asking too much. Heh.

Seriously, I do love my job. I know I rock at it. I have days where it feels very Sisyphean, but there are also days like today when someone I have only spoken to twice comes to me to help him solve a problem because he knows I can do it. That feels great.

All that said, my work HOURS are terrible. Midnight to 8:30am most of the time, dayshift on all holidays and all semester breaks - so there are times I am nightshift, then dayshift for a week, then nightshift for 3 days, then dayshift for 2, then back to nightshift. I don’t earn enough vacation to take all the ‘dayshift’ days off, since they add up to more than six weeks total in the year. I’m beginning to develop shift-worker’s syndrome and I’m just plain TIRED of working at night, because I want to have a baby - and we can’t while we are both on the nightshift.

So, we’re looking at other opportunities, in nicer areas of the country. I’m hoping we’ll find something!
Bethiclaus on May 23rd, 2008 6:38 am

I have this ridiculous job where I get paid more than I’ve ever made before in my life. And all I do is scan documents and index them. And they let me come in whenever I want and work ten of my 30 hours from home. I don’t know what I did in a past life to deserve this type of job, but I am glad I did. While I couldn’t possibly be fulfilled doing this forever, it is a well-paying job that allows me to stay in grad school and share at-home parenting responsibilities with my husband. I love it.

I’m guessing that once I start lecturing, I’ll find that I really miss such a no-responsibility gig.
Ellen on May 23rd, 2008 10:08 am

Hey Linda, is there any chance you would link to your ParentDish columns in your entries from now on? They’ll probably never wander over here so I don’t mind confessing that the only time I read that site is for you. I promise to click through faithfully!
Wendy on May 23rd, 2008 11:07 am

I’ve been a Realtor since before my son (10 months), but the first three months really sucked bad and soured the whole new mom experience…didn’t help that I was selling my own place, building a new one, and failed at the breastfeeing thing. Now I’m expecting #2 and winding down work. That experience made me rethink whether it was worth me being stressed out and bitchy ALL the time…not so much.

The old me needed to give 200% all the time, everywhere. If everyone who came into contact with me didn’t think I was superwoman I’d failed in my mind. The new me figured out I’d want to shoot myself if I tried to give 200% to both home and work (especially work in which the hours vary and pay is not based on time worked).

I can’t wait until one kid goes to school and I can find something near home that allows me to earn a few extra bucks as well as feel like something other than a mom - or in addition to, rather. I love having the opportunity to stay home, but know that it won’t satisfy me forever…nor will they need me home 100% of the time forever.

Whatever that magical job is, it won’t be a big income-producing one, but I’ll love it.
H on May 23rd, 2008 11:47 am

I began working for a large corporation as a college intern, was hired straight after graduation and planned to climb the corporate (and possibly work internationally) ladder. I’m not a genius, but have excelled academically, am a hard worker and take responsibility very seriously. I put a lot of pressure on myself to live up to my capabilities.

Then I got married, started having kids and entered the management training program at the same time. My son was sick for the first two years of his life (nothing serious, chronic ear infections - but very annoying) and I couldn’t handle the unpredictability of his illnesses and the demands of the management program so I dropped out. My daughter was born and had unexplained apnea so the first 2 years of her life were a huge challenge and were very stressful. By then, I needed insurance, couldn’t handle the stress and demands of climbing the corporate ladder and being the mom I wanted to be. I also realized that if my husband was to do what he does best (sales) to become the main bread winner in our family, he would have to travel constantly and we weren’t willing to make that sacrifice either. So, I fell into being the bread winner and insurance provider - and now I’m trapped into doing whatever job I can do for this company to maintain my seniority (going on 25 years), salary and health insurance. It is stressful for me, but necessary. I could never make this much money in the small city in which we live.

The positive side is that this company dumped as much real estate as it could so I’ve been working out of my home for the past 11 years. While there are definitely sacrifices (personal time suffers because almost everyone is a mobile employee so there are no longer “business hours” for anyone), I wouldn’t trade it for the world because I love wearing comfy clothes and having the flexibility I have. If things are slow, I can mow the lawn, do laundry or even make it to a school program.

My kids are now 16 and 19 and it was great to be home when they came home from school, although they did go to daycare when they were young enough to distract me from my work.

So, I fell into this situation and I accept it. I have a job, I can support my family and I make the best of it.
Sunshyn on May 23rd, 2008 2:20 pm

I go to work to get some rest. Seriously. So when work gets hectic, I get a little bit pissed off. How dare they dump all their poor planning crises on me at the same time? Ha. Boss has been in DC all week, and I’m really grateful for that. Now is the time to get caught up. So what am I doing? Commenting on blogs I read, of course. I will get caught up after the NEXT one, I promise. I agree, it is much easier to work when you are raising a kid. I wish I’d known that before, when I was raising my kids, instead of my grandkid. Maybe I’d have gotten some rest then, too!
sweetcheese on May 24th, 2008 1:46 am

I have a soul-crushing, office job that pays the bills. So, not a good place job-wise. But I have changed my mind about work as I have aged in the sense that I have pinpointed the sort of job I should not be doing. And certainly not be doing it 3 years AFTER the burnout set in.
I look forward to being a stay at home (and hopefully work at home) mom, but who knows. I am firmly of the belief that every family has its own best way of living.
sooboo on May 24th, 2008 1:53 pm

I worked in offices for a long, long time, mostly as an assistant. Even when I had good bosses, I didn’t like it. Eventually, I went back to school, got my MFA, and started seriously showing my art. Four years later, I am off the job and I just make my work full time. And I mean full freakin’ time. I just got done with a large project I have been working on since July. I worked six days a week, an average of twelve hour days. It’s crazy, but I love it. The money is barely okay and my next project is to take steps to change that. Also, I don’t have kids and I probably won’t. I don’t think I could be doing this if I did. So there have been sacrifices, but to me it’s worth it.
amy (southkona) on May 24th, 2008 4:53 pm

Before kids I was a public school teacher. I had a couple of rough years teaching 7th/8th grade, but by the time my daughter came I had settled into a WONDERFUL job at a great school teaching gifted pullout in the mornings and kindergarten in the afternoons. Love, love, loved it- I would have done it without pay :)
If we had stayed there I would have seriously considered staying on half time; just doing the gifted pullout in the mornings. My daughter was born at the end of March, though, so my maternity leave lasted until summer break, and then it ended up that we moved out of state for my husband’s job.
I did in home daycare for awhile, taking care of two babies as well as my daughter, which worked well for bringing in a little income while being with her, but I didn’t like being confined to the house and my husband had a hard time with other people coming to the house early in the morning and just as he was getting home from work.

I also was pregnant with my second then (they are only 16 months apart), so I took a couple of months off until the baby was born, then watched one toddler (a playmate for my oldest) just a couple of days a week. At around the same time my husband started his own business, with the goal of us eventually being able to do well on just his income.

When my second was a year old, I went back to work 30 hrs a week teaching special needs preschool. My workplace had a program for “typical kids” too, so I was able to bring them to work with me, know their environment and teachers well, and see them at lunch or breaks. Once care for my two was taken out, I basically made enough to pay our mortgage. But I soon found out I was pregnant with my third, so when she was born in April I quit and have been home ever since.

Now the business is doing well, we have five children and we made some major lifestyle changes, moving to rural Hawaii, buying a mac nut farm, and deciding to homeschool, so I don’t see myself returning to a traditional workplace for many years, if ever.

However, as my littlest gets out of the toddler stage (she’s 22 months) I do see me doing income producing activities with my kids, whether additional farming, homeschooling other kids, or who knows what?
amy (southkona) on May 24th, 2008 4:58 pm

I will also say the hard part of how we did it is that my husband had to devote long hours and lots of energy to his new business while we were in the most physically demanding stage of parenthood. I was on my own with my kids a lot (still am, really, although it’s a lot easier as they get older,) and I often feel that our marriage has been very neglected.
Josh on May 24th, 2008 5:19 pm

I have had a shit ton of mediocre jobs in my short ass life. I’m 24, and I may have has 24 jobs. But I’ve been at my current job now for a full year, which is pretty good for me. And I fucking love it. I still have to deal with asshole corporate accountants, I still have to deal with unrealistic demands on my performance, and I still have to deal with the same day to day grind of doing the same thing over and over again.

BUT, I get to use chainsaws, sledgehammers, power tools of massive destruction, and generally kick and pound the shit out of things that need to be demolished, while still exercising my abilities as a tradesman. The people I work with are fun and easygoing, like in your place of work. And genreally, just everything about the job is cool, except the schoolboy shorts in my uniform.

The point is that I love going to work every day, and I still have to deal with things on a regular basis that piss me off and are uncool. Maybe one day in fuckin shangrila I’ll find a job that doesn’t suck in any way, but normally you don’t get paid for those, you shell out your own money to do those, and they don’t call them jobs, they call them hobbies.
Stacy on May 25th, 2008 9:43 pm

Wow. Someone else got laid off on Tuesday? Well, I did love my part-time job that paid enough for daycare for 2 kids and still let some for paying bills and extras. So, now I’m faced with getting a full-time job and I just don’t know how that’s going to go. I’m just hoping that I get another job soon at this point.
Erin on May 26th, 2008 1:44 pm

Sundry, yes, absolutely. On all points…

Didn’t realize you’d commented back until now. So I just wanted to drop another line to say that all those things make working the best FOR ME. The fact that I like what I do, that it’s rewarding (FOR ME), that it is healthy (FOR ME) to get out and do something like what I do for work. It was just easier to point to those surface factors in a comment, rather than trying to relay all those complex factors.

The jist is still the same. I feel very similar to what you describe: in a good place. The balance is TOUGH, but it is the best option for me, for us, right now.

Thanks!
Kate on May 26th, 2008 2:08 pm

Hmm. Interesting comments from everyone. I consider myself a full-time SAHM, even though I work 10 evenings a month at a hospital. I like my job, am good at it, it pays decent, good benefits, etc. but if I didn’t have to work, I wouldn’t miss it. In fact, I’d be pleased as punch to not work outside the home at all. Even though it’s hard work being a mom, I wouldn’t trade it. I seriously am in awe of moms who work full time - I KNOW there’s no way I could do it. It’s hard enough for me working 20 hours a week, but I need to do so for the benefits as hubby is self-employed.

Right now we’re in the process of building a house and my biggest fear is that it will end up costing so much more than we anticipate that I’ll have to work more. And the thought terrifies me. I hate how working and being tired changes me as a mom and a wife and I hate having my energies demanded elsewhere, away from my family. I realize I’m probably a throwback to another century, but I’m happy as a clam at home with my kids, cooking, baking, playing with them and being part of (almost) every minute of their lives. My son goes to 1st grade next year and it tears my heart out to know that he’ll be gone for 6+ hours a day. I’ll miss the little buggar.

I’m doing what I’ve always wanted to do - be a mom - and I love it. That being said, I realize that it’s not for everyone. If working outside the home makes you a better parent, than I applaud you for recognizing that. No point in staying home and being miserable and resentful - not very effective for raising kids or a good example.

Leave a Reply

I also write here:

Daily piffle:

Recent Entries

Photos

Links

Search

RSS feed

May

21

9-5 and otherwise

Comments

I also write here: