As I read this I kept thinking “been there” over and over again. Till the end, where I found I was holding my breath and the simple act of inhaling brounght me to tears.

Hang in there Linda – it’s the circle of life and while you may think you are careening through it, you are doing a marvelous job….the bad moments are far between – just remember that this too shall pass.

This actually made me cry because it is exactly what I struggle with on a daily basis, and the permanent guilt is horrible, just horrible. It helps to read this though, at least to know I’m not alone…

Oh yeah, I am there on a daily basis. Thanks for sharing this.

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That was so beautiful and hit the nail right on the head for anyone who has been a mother. Thank you so much.

WOW!!! I could have written this myself. Well, not really, because I’m a shitty writer, but you know what i mean. THank you for sharing!!!

Found through “Mars is Heaven” – holy crap, yes I have been there, and was nearly there again on Sunday. Self-recrimination galore.

Bravo for the expression of such a confusing and bedeviling emotion!

yes, totally agree. have to go kids, need me but thanks for making me feel not alone.

AMEN.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I have said more than once that sometimes the fantasy of being a mom doesn’t match my reality. Thank you for understanding.

For heaven’s sake, stop it with the food battles. You are only making it worse for yourself and for Riley. Let it go. He will eat when he wants to eat. In our house, our kids sit with us when we eat. If they don’t like what’s on our plate, we tell them that they can have something else when we are done eating. Sometimes they are so hungry that they will eat whatever is in front of them. If not, they can only have toast or oatmeal. Either way, we NEVER force them to eat. It’s totally normal for preschoolers to go through this non-eating or picky-eating stage. Pick your battles and you will experience less stress in your life. Best of luck.

Linda you are a good mother and while you lost your patience with the kids, I promise when they look back on their childhood the few instances you lost your patience will not stick out in their mind. You are doing wonderfully.

Your ability to write and share moments like this is why I love you.

Honestly it’s hard to know what’s more important: your words, Sundry, or those of your commenters. As a whole though, this entire collection of emotions and thoughts comprises something that does not get written about or shared enough.
I’m so glad it’s been shared here.

Stunning. This needs to be saved and read and heard and believed.

Thank you for your honesty. So many have been there. So few can share it so well.

Hi Linda – I’ve been lurking for several months now, meaning to comment (you’re an awesome writer), but this post finally compelled me to do it. I have one boy, 3 years old, and he is the joy of my life – one success out of five pregancies – but your writing today captured EXACTLY what I sometimes feel – wanting to escape sometimes, feeling guilty about it; yelling and being SO VERY ANGRY sometimes, and then feeling like crap afterwards, but also enjoying the little moments, like B wanting to take my temperature after I’d been taking his for two days, and calling himself Dr. B…

Thank you for your wonderful blog – especially the honesty of it. Motherhood is hard, but rewarding and I’m so glad to know I’m not alone when I’m struggling.

Thanks for saying it for me, the things I think but can’t say.

if i had a blog i would have written this yesterday…although not nearly as well! i’m in the midst of an internal battle over whether to give up freelancing for a much more stable part-time position with a company that is more than flexible and generous. the guilt i feel for even thinking about leaving my 13-month-old in someone else’s care is staggering even though i know with absolute certainty i’m not doing the best i can with him. ugh.

I’ve said it so many times and I’ll say it again – all of you mothers out there are amazing. From someone who doesn’t have kids, I don’t know HOW you ladies do it. I salute you.

WOW. Thank you! Just how i am feeling today and more and more and more. I keep wondering if there is something wrong with me, and what I can do to change it…i guess some things are just the way they are and that is it.
Thank you for making me feel like a normal human being.

Thank you Linda. Thank you for narrating my life like i could never do.
Boy, dont i wish i could have a couple of take-backs with my kids but youre right, we cant ever undo it.
I yelled at my 4 y.o. so loud and harshly the other day (over something stupid and unnecessary Im sure) that it scared the toddler in to a terrified fit of tears. All i could think was “wow, i am an ass”

Thank you for being out there for all of us.

I quit my job 3 months ago after my maternity leave with #2 was over. Your words are so, so on the mark. There are days when I feel so lucky to be with my guys, but there are other days that all I want to do is run screaming out the door to an office. There is no perfect solution, so we must muddle through and appreciate that so many others are right there with us. Thanks, Linda.

Hell yes.

Before I had kids, Oprah did a show about the “ugly” side of motherhood, where moms explained how life with kids isn’t flowers and rainbows and perfect shit. I get this, but I still feel guilty.

How awesome of you to take my thoughts, as I’ve experience each line you wrote and give moms a gift like this. We’re not alone, and we don’t suck at being a mom if we feel fucking miserable sometimes.

This is why I read blogs. Thank you for helping me realize I’m not alone, I’m not the worst mother in the world and I don’t need professional help.
Keep up the great writing.

thank you, linda, for capturing how motherhood can feel sometimes, and especially for being candid and articulate at the same time.

I’m teary-eyed at the beauty of that. Yes, I have seen that place and it haunts me, too.

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I understand.

I find myself, with my kid, wanting to shout to him, “Why the fuck did you DO that?” and on my very, very, very good days, I can keep all that out of my voice and just hold him. I try to tell him, too: I understand. I’m still working on getting that understanding for myself, though.

Mayhaps one of my favorite Sundry entries ever.

Beautiful. Just beautiful. I understand perfectly.

I thought something was wrong with me the last few months and that maybe I was depressed or just very ungracious for the wonderful life I have and the blessing of parenthood. You described perfectly my evening episodes after work with my daughter before my husband gets home.

But now I feel like I’m just a parent, going through the ups and downs, just like you, Linda, and all your readers.

It is so comforting that these feelings are normal!!!

Wonderful post. Knowing that other moms feel the way I feel is priceless. Thank you.

Amazing.

I just started reading your blog, and I never comment on any blog I read, but on this I had to. You have peered inside my soul and put it on a page. You are not alone, and I thank you for articulating this so exquisitely.

Yes, yes, exactly. That was my weekend too. Thank you.

I loved this, every word.

If I copy and paste this onto my blog and tell everyone I wrote it…will you sue me? It’s just that it’s so perfect and right on and relatable…did I write it?

Thank you — this post puts into words every worry and fear I have about becoming a parent.

I worry that the miserable parts (and I’ve been a nanny, I know firsthand how miserable they can be) will overwhelm the wonderful parts, and I won’t be able to enjoy — or even recognize — the wonderful moments while in them.

Yes, exactly. I could have killed my 8-year old earlier this week over his socks, feeling at the same time both aware of his sensory integration issues & the need to understand him and the frustration of never getting the kids to school on time & it must be somebody else’s FAULT… anyway, my kids are older & it usually is easier, but yes, we still feel love & insanity at the same time, sometimes. Thank you for expressing it.

I feel your pain. You love them and you wish you could escape but you love them and they are awful and you love them and will it ever end? My post for today’s Five Star Friday list might offer some hope. “Courage!”

And that. is. motherhood. You have many, many sympathetic women who are nodding at every line in your beautiful writing.

Mommy guilt…ahh yes the bane of my existence. Friend of mine made me a Mother’s Day gift..had a card attached to it:

A Mother loves her children even when they least deserve to be loved. – Kate Samperi

beautiful expression and so honest. thank you.

Thank you a million time over for writing the exact way I am feeling. I’m so glad I’m not the only one.