This morning I got a random email from a PR company representing Cafemom.com, informing me that “the mommy jury isn’t out.” On a poll of 22,000 moms that Cafemom ran recently, 39% planned to vote Obama, 37% McCain, and 12% planned not to vote at all.

I guess it’s possible those 12% are non-US citizens. Or teenagers who watched too much sexy television.

(Like True Blood! For real, are you watching this show? I kind of love it, and holy god is it ever dirty, with almost every episode involving not just smutty human-on-vampire action, but, like, the detailed sort of sex scene where the male actor does a reach-down-and-aim-the-bologna-pony sort of penetration maneuver complete with violent hip jerk to indicate he’s Found the Entrance. The last two episodes alone? Totally responsible for at least fifty teen pregnancies, I’m SURE.)

I just don’t get it, otherwise. Why would you not vote? No really, why on earth would you choose to not vote in this election, or any presidential election? Even if you hate both candidates, surely there is a candidate you hate marginally less than the other? Who can just sit back and not participate, this year of all years? It’s mind-boggling, much like the term “mommy jury”.

If nothing else, people should ask themselves which candidate would best protect the citizens of this country in the case of a zombie infestation. Who would remain calm and strategize a plan of action, and who would succumb to the siren song of brrrrraaaaaaiiiinnss? Personally, I think the answer is obvious.

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JennB
13 years ago

Vote!
Vote damn you!
VOTE!!!!

Amy M.
Amy M.
13 years ago

That photo is hilarious!

I don’t understand how people can stay home. I know I have to vote to at least cancel out my mother’s vote! :)

I actually don’t think either candidate has adequately addressed his plan should zombies attack…

Zoot
Zoot
13 years ago

I got the same email and had the same questions. Although, I hadn’t considered the candidates position on zombie infestation, I must admit. I’ll read up on that before I vote tomorrow.

serror
serror
13 years ago

I know! What is up with True Blood? I am totally addicted. I am also not at all a prude but it makes me feel like I am watching soft-core vampire porn, and I might get caught. Like watching sex scenes with your parents, even when I am alone! I mean, I think that it is awesome that cable can get this sort of thing on tv, what in our FCC censored world, but it still makes me blush a little!

oh and DAMMIT VOTE! Why not exercise a right that women got a mere 88 years ago? And a right that many people don’t even have across the world… ARG.

Laura
13 years ago

I love True Blood SO MUCH. SO MUCH. Sadly, the only other people I know who like it are across the ocean and my roommates refuse to be wooed by the siren call of vampires in the south. I mean, COME ON.

But on your main point, I don’t understand people who don’t vote. I’m in Canada and one of my roommates didn’t vote in the last election. I honestly lost a lot of respect for him because of that. Our other roommate reamed him out, but he just didn’t seem to care. I don’t get it! IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AS A CITIZEN. Graaarrrr.

Karin
Karin
13 years ago

OMG that photo is priceless!!!!!

Vote people Vote! Speak your mind by casting that ballot!

Aunt Linda
Aunt Linda
13 years ago

OK, old woman weighing in here. Don’t vote if you have done no homework. Don’t vote if you choose by name or cuteness or winks or whatever. Vote only if you read something now and then. I have come to believe it should not be a right unless the voter can pass a basic civics test. Sort of like a driver test, administered every decade or so. The thing worse than not voting is voting if you have done no homework.

Alli
13 years ago

Well, this is what our son is telling folks (and he is only 4): http://www.flickr.com/photos/crumleydotorg/2991245596/in/set-72157608424327747/

Anonymous
Anonymous
13 years ago

HAHAHA! That photo (and your lead in) is priceless.

Misti
13 years ago

I think each candidate should have a “Zombie Plan of Action” in their platforms from now on. Good call!

I agree WHOLE heartedly with Aunt Linda! I am a high school teacher, and jeez, my students are all over Obama (which is amazing, so kudos for stirring buzz!), however, they can’t tell me WHY they would vote for him. Even if you vote for the other team, atleast know WHY!

Liz
Liz
13 years ago

My mom told me that her friend doesn’t vote, because she’s not registered, because she doesn’t want jury duty. My head about exploded right there in the library parking lot. So that’s why SOME don’t vote, at least.

As for True Blood, I love it. It’s soft-core porn without the bad acting and unrealistic breasts and fingernails of real porn. I must admit, though… The scene where Bill crawls out of the ground and right into Sookie’s hoo-ha really grossed me out. HELLO yeast and bacterial infections!

Eric's Mommy
13 years ago

Vote everybody, vote!

And don’t just vote for whoever you think is trendy to vote for. Do your research!

Type (little) a
13 years ago

TRUE BLOOD is so fucking great. I wonder if the actor who plays Jason even bothers to wear underwear.

I’m normally not into vampire stuff, but the soap opera aspect (and all the awesome fucking) keep me coming back for more.

And Bill in that leather jacket last night? I want to take him behind the middle school and get HIM pregnant.

biscuit
13 years ago

All this True Blood talk has me curious, will have to DVR that mug. I HEART trashy television.

BTW, McCain totally looks as if he is saying, “WHAZZZZZZAH?!?!?”

Julie
Julie
13 years ago

True Blood is all sorts of awesome.

And I like to think that 12% of the cafemom sample group are convicted felons.

Pete
Pete
13 years ago

If have been trying to get my older kids involved with politics. Proud of my daughter, she’s out stumping for Obama in Missouri. If you don’t vote you can’t bitch. Nuf said.

SART
13 years ago

If you like True Blood you should really check out the book the series is based on: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw_1_8?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=southern+vampire+series&sprefix=Southern

I’ve got every last pornerific one of these on my kindle and they are so much fun! My husband has even read them all and was mildly impressed/amused/turned-on.

On the voting front, living in SC, my Obama vote won’t count for a lot but I’ll feel better going out tomorrow and giving a little fuck you to all the good ole boys that have been running my state since before the civil war.

Holly
13 years ago

12% DELIBERATELY NOT VOTING?!?! I’m stunned, our grandmothers fought hard to win us that right . . .

I’m so with you on True Blood. I saw thing at the end about there being “Only 3 episodes left!” and I almost wept. Not sure what I’ll do without my weekly semi-naked vampire Bill fix.

serror
serror
13 years ago

Third on the gross out of Vampire Bill and his dirty covered thang! I mean really?

susie
susie
13 years ago

my god woman, i LOVE the way you describe things. natural comedian, you… i doubt your getting paid nearly enough for making us piss ourselves laughing on a daily basis…

kalisa
13 years ago

WHO DO YOU THINK THE KILLER IS????

anna
13 years ago

True Blood is so dirty, so dirty, dirty. Literally and figuratively.

Half Assed Kitchen
13 years ago

Holy crap, that picture of McCain is funny!

I don’t even know what True Blood is. Luckily. I’m hoping to god it’s on HBO and not network TV.

amanda
13 years ago

I’m gonna go ahead and throw my husband, the non-voter, under the bus here. He declares that “neither candidate deserves his vote” and no amount of harassment or threat of withholding sex has changed his mind (yet). I do not share his view (and in fact think it’s kind of retarded) and have already voted. For Obama, of course.

Clueless But Hopeful Mama

Oh man, I get so insane about the “not voting” among us. I can disagree with dear friends and family about who should run the country (unless, of course, they are basing it on Obama’s “terrorist fist jab” or other inane fear mongering propaganda). However, a new friend who’s a college graduate, a teacher, A FORMER POLI SCI MAJOR FOR CRISSAKES!, has NEVER voted for president. EVER. Because, she says, she’s never truly believed in any candidate.

WTF? It’s not like picking a sweater! You will be ruled by one of these people. You owe it to yourself to educate yourself on the issues and chose the one who most closely fits your values and the needs of our country.

OY. Now I’m all sweaty and pissed off. Perhaps I should go watch True Blood?

Cara
Cara
13 years ago

You think that picture’s bad? Check THIS one out! http://tinyurl.com/54sxhd (Goes to a PunditKitchen.com picture, by the way…nothing bad)

Swistle
13 years ago

And what about the REMAINING 12%? Undecided? Not available to answer the question because out doing early voting?

Emily
13 years ago

Okay, this isn’t about people who won’t vote, but have you read Sedaris’s piece on undecided voters? It’s CLASSIC. http://tinyurl.com/62djuf

Delia
13 years ago

What the great googly hell is John McCain doing in that picture? I’ve always thought he looked like a lizard. During the debates I kept waiting for him to lick his own eyeball. Maybe that’s what he’s trying to do in the picture?

Amy
Amy
13 years ago

I think McCain is a zombie! That is one of my all time favorite pictures. My son and I actually went out and rallied for Prop 8 and he’s only 6. I explained why I’m against it passing (and going to a Catholic school I’m sure he hears all the pubs saying why it’s wrong) and he made up his own mind. Probably doesn’t hurt that his uncle is gay, but still, it’s never too early to take an interest in politics. He also decided that Obama is the better choice on his own. His reason: He looks like a president. The other guy looks like a grandpa.

amber
amber
13 years ago

My husband and I have been talking about how both presidential candidates have said NOTHING about potential zombie outbreaks, and to us, that’s pretty crucial.

PLUS, also, we’ve heard nothing about what policies might be put in place of men were to start menstruating.

I’d also like to know what either candidate plans to do to protect our nation’s treasure, i.e., Rihanna.

I should have moderated one of those debates. I would have gotten to the bottom of the real issues.

leah
leah
13 years ago

LMAF- I love that show- and am hopelessly deperately addicted… and my husband hates it with a vengence… lol I almost pissed myself when I found another person who’s actually seen the show! whoot – whoot!

Sonia
13 years ago

Delia, LMFAO!!!! Seriously- snorting, donkey braying, knee slapping over you waiting for McCain to lick his own eyeball. Bwahahahaaaaa!!!!

Erica
Erica
13 years ago

Sooo I’m in the 12%. It’s only because I’m a non-citizen (HATE.that term, though not as much as I HATE.HATE.HATE “alien” – what am I – green? WTF?) Anyway – I sooo wish I could vote in this election, I mean hello? it effects me, so why not? And it drives me crazy that the bf doesn’t… but I’m pretty sure he’d vote for the zombie, so I figure him not voting is as good as me being able to, right? Right??

Elizabeth
13 years ago

I have become immune to the sex in True Blood sort of like how you just got used to the swearing in Deadwood.

KB
KB
13 years ago

I also want to add that if you do not like “either candidate,” don’t forget that there ARE other candidates on the ballot!! Even if you know that such candidates will not win, votes for them can help change (hopefully) options for the future.

A strong vote for third-party candidates could (hopefully) send a message that the two party system leaves a lot of people alienated & dissatisfied. We might then, finally, get a viable third party candidate who could win a major election, even the presidency. I believe that then and only then does our country have a chance at any meaningful “change.”

Caitlin
Caitlin
13 years ago

If anyone of you out there know someone who is not voting, please oh please send them this awesome (and hilarious!) video:

http://www.cnnbcvideo.com/?referred_by=11033940-UpmL0Fx&combined=Laura%20S.&first=Laura&name_id=3269005&last=Sicari&id=&nid=d64_SZrhws0AoBwoV2.5TjMyNjkwMDU-

It looks all spammy, but it’s not–you basically customize a news video so it looks like your friend totally blew the election by not voting. Really drives the point home ;-)

Jennifer
13 years ago

True Blood BLOWS MY MIND. It’s dirty as hell, Jason and Lafayette should perform in the nude for the remaining three episodes, kthxbai.

Kalisa – I think the killer is Andy Bellefleur, just a hunch.

I’m excited about voting tomorrow. My polling place should be pretty festive and hopefully the line will move quickly. It’s amazing to see how excited people are for this election. Change is coming!

Lesley
Lesley
13 years ago

I’m not an American but if I were I’d vote for Obama. I’m thrilled about your election and many Canadians plan on partying hard if it’s an Obama victory. I don’t understand undecideds at all (especially in this election). The Daily Show did a hilarious sketch mocking undecideds…they grabbed a handful in a room and questioned them…dullest, least tuned in people in the universe, next to right wing wackjobs.

True Blood has definitely grown on me. It’s got everything – freaky frightening vampire voodoo shit, sex, and laughs. Also, I’m highly keen on the smokin’ lead male vampire, Bill Compton played by Stephen Moyer.

I love this show from the opening music to the end credits.

JudithNYC
JudithNYC
13 years ago

Thank you, Linda and Cara. I was all by myself and close to tears due to anxiety about tomorrow. Those photos made me laugh so hard I almost lost my dinner.

Lesley
Lesley
13 years ago

Caitlan, BLESS YOUR HEART. That video is hilarious.

annie mess
annie mess
13 years ago

Well, I will not vote for several reasons….
1. I do NOT condone war. Both candidates are for war, therefor I will not vote for either of them.
You can research this for yourself.

2. Voting machines are proven hackable and faulty to a disturbing point.

So what is the point of voting if the machine changes your vote or can be changed easily?
On top of that, even if they still had paper ballets, whats the point of voting for people that are like voting for coke or pepsi? They are both still really bad for you and full of crap you dont need.
Here is another great video on the whole subject, if you feel like researching it further…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apsz_1sSTS0

Danell
Danell
13 years ago

I sure wish more brought up KB’s comment. It’s excellent.

Nikki
13 years ago

I haven’t seen True Blood but I’ve read all of the books in the series and loveloveLOVE them. Charlaine Harris’ new series is pretty good too!
In regard to voting: my brother’s gf would love to be able to vote but is unable to because of a seriously bad choice when she was 21 (nearly 20 years ago) that landed her under the heading of “felon”. She’s apparently not allowed to vote, from what I understand. Lesson to others: don’t steal a check from your mother and forge her signature!
Anyway, I haven’t really asked anyone around me if they plan on voting. I guess I just figured they would!
Love your writing as usual, Linda. You paint the best mentail portraits.

babelbabe
13 years ago

You are only allowed to complain if you vote. That’s why I do it. I would never ever give up my right to complain.

Misti
13 years ago

Hahahaha, it took me a minute to get this, but I find it hilarious:

” I mean, I’m kind of a mouthbreathing idiot politically speaking”

Hardly! You rock and I love reading your thoughts! Good times.

sara
sara
13 years ago

I’m not voting and I don’t feel at all ashamed to admit it. I think that choosing NOT to vote is still making a choice. No, one of them is not marginally better than the other. I loathe things about both of them equally and agree with them equally on some matters. I think that, no matter what, we’re going to be pissed off about who wins the election because “don’t blame me, I voted for Kerry.”

I am just anxious for our lives to return to whatever normal is. I’m tired of people ringing my door that dons a “No Soliciting” sign and having the audacity to ask me who I am voting for. I am tired of our country being so AT ODDS with one another. I have never seen people more divided in my life. Can we not agree to disagree and actually be NICE to one another? Voting for one or the other does not make you a bad person. But that’s how everyone is feeling. I am tired of all the propaganda and the waste of paper all over my front step and in my postal box. I am just weary of it all.

And, I’m not voting. I don’t have the right to complain then? Okay – well if your candidate doesn’t do all of the things that he PROMISED to do – you don’t either. :)

Make a good informed choice for me, y’all – won’t you?

Kristi
13 years ago

Your commenters kick ass! These are the funniest things I’ve read all day.

That zombie pic is priceless.

Naomi
13 years ago

LIZ – Even if you are not registered to vote, you still have to do jury duty. I know, because I was not registered to vote earlier this year and I still got called for jury duty.

I voted today, to avoid the lines that are sure to be there tomorrow. I voted on ISSUES as well as president. Living in CA, we can not let Prop 8 pass, so I made a point to educate myself and vote on all of the issues up for vote this year.

I can not believe an adult human being with a smidge of intelligence would not vote. I mean, seriously? That’s just lame. Sub-human. GET OUT AND VOTE. it is our duty as American citizens, and women especially, to VOTE.

I have HBO and I’ve seen snippets of True Blood (my partner loves the show) but I just haven’t been able to get into it. Maybe I should try watching it from the start (HBO on demand) and see what it’s all about since so many people seem to love it…

Last thing, that pic you posted is fucking hilarious. I about threw up laughing so hard.