Jun
25
June 25, 2006
– Blew soap bubbles for Riley. (Not pictured: Dog snapping at bubbles then learning that Magic Bubble Solution tastes like ass.)
– Listened to Riley practice his new noise, which sounds like some sort of prehistoric lizard-bird, the kind of echoing cry you might expect to hear echoing from the moist jungle innards of the Paleolithic. I may have my Historical Eras wrong but what I’m saying here is the shit is LOUD, like DINOSAUR VOLUME LOUD, worthy of describing in ALL CAPS EVEN.
– Observed Dog totally taking advantage of the bedspread-on-the-hardwoods thing we’ve been trying as an attempt to keep the kid from Britney Spearsing his head into the floor. (If you are a kind-hearted Britney fan who feels like the Poor Thing Deserves a Break because What Mom Hasn’t Been There, well, all I have to say is I’m sorry for making fun of her, I’m just country that way.)
– Had ourselves a hoopty little picnic; caught in my attempt to pull his chair closer it looks like I posed awkwardly for this photo by slinging my arm around the boy’s shoulders while abiding some junior-high-dance “18 inches from contact” rule. Riley looks like he has no idea who the crazy Arm-Slinging Lady is and in fact is about one second from issuing his own Amber Alert. Best mother/son photo ever.
– Saw a massive 750+ lb. pig at the nearby Kelsey Creek Farm. Now I know if I ever have a dead body to dispose of, I’ve got options. I mean, if Deadwood’s taught me anything – other than the fact that “cocksucker” is a fine word with many applications – it’s that you can cover up your murderin’ ways with a pig.
– Set up our own version of the Diet Coke/Mentos craziness that I’m sure you’ve seen by now. JB strung the Mentos on some wire, drilled a hole in the cap of a 2-liter of Diet Coke, threaded the wire through the cap, and…
…dropped the Mentos into the soda.
It was quite awesome, and I’m pleased to offer you this video of the results.
– Filled with yee-haw piss ‘n vinegar (remember: country), decided to shoot old cell phone with BB gun.
Having taken several 10-pump BB’s, the phone was still in remarkably good shape.
So we ran over it with JB’s truck.
Surprisingly, the Motorola still looked pretty decent after being smashed with a Ford F-150. As for what JB did next, I will close this particular vignette with this image:
(I realize now we should have donated the phone. Especially since it was apparently resistant to, well, almost anything. Except a miter saw.)
– Received a frighteningly large delivery from Ikea, where we had ordered a “closet system” for the new bedroom.
JB started setting things up (40 boxes of various parts. 40!!!).
Here is a helpful information sheet Ikea supplies in each of their shipments:
Unfortunately, JB soon discovered the fine birch-loving people at Ikea had delivered several wrong boxes, as well as boxes with the wrong parts inside, boxes with missing screws, etc…it appears the warehouse crew was påverkad av alkohol on the day this crap was packaged.
– Decided to forgive the boy for his Paleolithic sounds as well as his wet rasberry-sprays, because hot damn if that kid doesn’t melt my country little heart.
Comments
-
My product review site:
[
OMG NOTHING sucks worse than broken or missing pieces unless you wait a year to assemble things. Thank god for wood glue.
Okay, I’m not usually one to get all gushy over kids… actually I never get gushy of kids… but The Boy? Is like adorable kryptonite to my cold, baby-hatin’ heart. I think yours is the first kid that has ever made me even briefly consider the possibility of reproducing. He’s just… ack! *melts*
So let me get this straight…in the last IKEA photo, the dude is using Ikea’s phone to call them? Why didn’t he just go back into the store?
A. I love that you can see Riley’s eye through the bubble in that first photo.
B. Love the dinosaur-roaring picture (even if I can’t spell flipping ‘dinosaur’ without looking back at the post…)
C. Paint on the walls looks fabulous.
D. “Britney Spearsing his head into the floor” Muahahahaha!
E. That face he’s making at the picnic is one I expect to see on his face in pictures of him when he’s 12.
F. Giant body-devouring pigs reminded me of the movie ‘Snatch’. Have you seen it?
G. I had no idea Mentos+Diet Coke=foaming geyser. Than you JB the Science Guy!
H. The Ikea packing people knew what you were going to do to the phone and this was their revenge.
This was adorable! I’m so glad that the mentos thing wasn’t a fraud. Because I did sit there and watch their entire archive of like five short films. :) I think The Boy is adorable, and wiping off a wet sticky neck from him is one of the many joys of parenting. Especially when you’re big kids at heart too :)
Love that last picture of Riley!
Love dem rasberries-o-kiss face fest o love.
A man and his tools
The noise you describe, the dinosaur noise? Might be what is called “crowing”? He does it when he’s excited/ or he just likes the noise, but he’s happy when he does it, right?
This is one hellova funny post. Love the pig-check out those porcine nipples, wow.
Great. Post.
Your weekend sound so much more fun than mine was. The East Coast was dumped upon by giant geyser’s of Rain+Thunder. Here’s to living vicariously through Sundry!
I have never shopped at Ikea, but I head NOTHING but stories of them fucking up. I understand the furniture is cheap and cute (hey, kinda like me!) (kidding) (or maybe not) but every single person I know who has attempted the Ikea experience winds up with tales of missing pieces and runaround customer service. I start twitching just thinking about it.
Ikea is the debil. It took three days and three people to assemble our kitchen hutch. Holy mother of god those instructions were worthless. And as for going back to Ikea for missing or incorrect parts? Ugh! Wouldn’t you think that when someone says their new kitchen table had three of one leg, and one of another it would be a no-brainer to offer a replacement leg for the one that was wrong? And if you didn’t have the part in your stock of extra parts that you’d offer to take one from the table sitting in the warehouse? You wouldn’t just give the customer a dumb look and say well, that sucks and I have no clue when we’ll be getting more tables in, so you’ll just have to wait til we do, right? Well think again. I had to drag the customer service guy to the warehouse, jimmy open the table on the floor, and take my table leg all by myself!
I will never, ever, shop Ikea again. (Though I do like their stuff when it’s got correct parts.)
Quicktime wouldn’t play the video but I could still hear the audio. Sounds like it was a blast. HA! Get it? Moving right along…the boys, the bubbles, the blunder (Ikea)! Sounds like a full weekend to me.
My son makes those loud noises, too. Wehave no carpeting in our living room and it echoes. Makes me want to invest in carpeting. It sounds like you had a wonderful weekend, except for the closet organizer thing. Yuck!
I laughed till I cried at the picture of you and the boy. What a perfect description!!
Dang that boy is cute!
A) Your neighbours must love you and your guns and exploding soft drinks and smashy-smashy cell phone games and teradactyl shrieks. I want to be your neighbour.
B) Love. your. brand. new. hair. The choppy piecy thing is awesome.
C) Riley’s cuteness continues to kill.
IKEA is the debil. ‘cept their “marketplace.” i got nuts in there. i don’t ever go into the furniture showroom unless i’m accompanying a friend who needs input on some cheaptastic chair/couch/bed/whatever.
We did the same wardrobe system from Ikea. all I have to say is THANK goodness for a hex key drill bit. Can you imagine what people used to do before?
Also, destroying your cell phone reminds me of a video I saw where they try to destroy an old toyota pickup. a little long but good.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nD0UVI99R8Q&search=toyota%20pickup%20top%20gear
My favourite photo observation: organic potato chips next to a bottle of so-not-biodegradeable-in-any-universe coke.
Oh my goodness the last picture should be a hallmark card.
The cuteness!
New to your blog, had to tell you your child is adorable.
Ok I really didn’t know about the Mento’s/Diet Coke phenom. Where the hell have I been? And yes, your boy could KILL with that face, he should be registered as a WMD.
Your son is caaaaaa-yute. Love your Club Mom entries and was happy to find you had another whole site for me to read! What kind of camera do you use? Your pictures (besides the subject matter) are beautiful.
HSquirrel: thanks! It’s a Nikon D70.
I love IKEA…it’s easier to buy directly from their store and bring home the goods. The only thing I ever ordered and had shipped was a child-size mattress. By the way, that Riley…? So freaking A.D.O.R.A.B.L.E.!!!! ;)
“You owe a penny.”
Ha!
I live in the boonies. We don’t got no IKEA here. We do have Mentos and Diet Coke however. You KNOW what I will be doing this weekend! My boys are going to be so proud of me!
I can only wonder what Riley will think when he finally learns what an internet rock star he is. Hope it doesn’t all go to his cute little head. Cuz dang, that boy is beyond adorable.
You know, you can buy flavored bubble stuff at PetsMart. At least, that’s where I last saw it. Oreo is rather partial to the peanut butter flavored bubbles, she’s a gourmand that one.
Just de-lurking to say that you have the best photo entries ever! (and best weekends too) Oh, and I’m proud to say that I also had that cell phone… but had no idea all the abuse it could take.
The pictures of Riley? Freakin adorable! Kind hearted Britney fans, is there such a thing?!?!?!? How can you not make fun of her?
Heh…..as a family who has JUST put together an IKEA crib and changing table / dresser for their lovely firstborn, my husband & I had tears in our eyes reading this. Laughing so hard I may have given the baby some damage in utero!
LMAO at your modified IKEA instruction sheet. heh. Too damned accurate.