December 7, 2006

I am really and truly looking forward to January 13, because on that day Macworld will be over and done with, Christmas will be in the rearview mirror (not that I do not love Christmas with every square inch of my godless heathen heart, but it sure is a busy-ass time of year) (P.S. the awesome thing about agnosticism is that you can totally embrace random holiday traditions, assign your own meaning to them, and be unconcerned with defining the True Meaning of [Insert Holiday Here]. The world’s rituals are your buffet table! Especially if they involve chocolate, which come to think of it, all of our major US commercially-recognized holidays do. Is there a chocolate conspiracy, a secret society of confectioners throughout history? Somebody get a cryptex! Preferably one filled with a creamy nougat center!), and I can maybe take a day or two to chill the hell out.

JB is crazy-busy at work right now too, so we are both headachy and humpbacked from staring at computer screens all day long. We took a break late last night to make a batch of caramel brownies (chocolate again? View this entry under a black light and the truth will be revealed*) and I think the relief from not thinking about deadlines for a few minutes made us giddy, because we were giggling like a couple of stoned high school kids in the kitchen and periodically SHH’ing each other so as to not wake up the boy.

Me (watching JB laboriously pushing a spoon around in the batter): “You are stirring that like a monkey.”
JB: “Is that a compliment?”
Me: “Well, not really.”
JB: “Because monkeys are extremely agile.”
Me: “Agile? HahahahaaHAR!”
JB: “SHHHHH.”

Later, contemplating the brownie pan and imitating the coach from Friday Night Lights:

Me: “We’ve got a war to win! Let’s go in thar and show’m what we’re made of!”
JB: “Clear eyes full heart can’t lose, sir!”
Me: “Also, you may not give it to my daughter doggy style, missionary style, or any other style unless I give you the say-so, son.”
JB: “Ha!”
Me: “SHHHH.”

* Note: this blog contains no actual revelations, but was manufactured in a shared equipment facility and may contain incidental trace elements of peanuts, soybeans, wheat, or milk.

Each day I’ve driven my New! Car! to work this week, the traffic has been particularly obnoxious, which on the one hand, at least I have a comfy environment in which to sit for hours on end while Montlake, 520, and 148th collectively shit the bed, but on the other, I am itching to put the pedal to the metal because oh my god this car has some get-up-and-fucking-GO to it. I should be on the freaking Autobahn with this thing, not mired on the 520 bridge watching a sea of red lights while I sadly play the perfect Drive Like Hell music (“Buzzbomb”, Dead Kennedys; I also recommend AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck”).

Here’s something interesting about the Touareg: if you have the key with you – say, in your pocket or something – the car automatically senses the proximity of the key, and the proximity of your hand as you reach for the handle, and unlocks the door just as you grab the handle. Is that the freakiest thing ever, or what? I’m driving KITT.

Okay, time to wrap things up. I leave you with…

Three awesome links:

• Lincoln’s unusual new website. I love that you can click “Add this dream” like you’re putting a life ambition in a shopping cart.
This right here is the best comments section I have ever seen on any blog, ever. Long live the long horse.
Live hamster video game!

And four photos of the boy:

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Still cute. Which at least partially makes up for all the yelling, I guess.

120706_crayon.jpg
Riley scribbled with crayons for the first time yesterday. I predict he’s going to be a lefty, which is awesome, because everyone knows lefties are superior in every way. (What?)

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Lately he is obsessed with dragging around my Bandolinos. He’s like Jack the Giant Killer, wielding his seven-league boots.

120706_car.jpg
Also, oh my god this kid is totally going to be on Jackass someday.

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