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Dec
7
December 7, 2006
I am really and truly looking forward to January 13, because on that day Macworld will be over and done with, Christmas will be in the rearview mirror (not that I do not love Christmas with every square inch of my godless heathen heart, but it sure is a busy-ass time of year) (P.S. the awesome thing about agnosticism is that you can totally embrace random holiday traditions, assign your own meaning to them, and be unconcerned with defining the True Meaning of [Insert Holiday Here]. The world’s rituals are your buffet table! Especially if they involve chocolate, which come to think of it, all of our major US commercially-recognized holidays do. Is there a chocolate conspiracy, a secret society of confectioners throughout history? Somebody get a cryptex! Preferably one filled with a creamy nougat center!), and I can maybe take a day or two to chill the hell out.
JB is crazy-busy at work right now too, so we are both headachy and humpbacked from staring at computer screens all day long. We took a break late last night to make a batch of caramel brownies (chocolate again? View this entry under a black light and the truth will be revealed*) and I think the relief from not thinking about deadlines for a few minutes made us giddy, because we were giggling like a couple of stoned high school kids in the kitchen and periodically SHH’ing each other so as to not wake up the boy.
Me (watching JB laboriously pushing a spoon around in the batter): “You are stirring that like a monkey.”
JB: “Is that a compliment?”
Me: “Well, not really.”
JB: “Because monkeys are extremely agile.”
Me: “Agile? HahahahaaHAR!”
JB: “SHHHHH.”
Later, contemplating the brownie pan and imitating the coach from Friday Night Lights:
Me: “We’ve got a war to win! Let’s go in thar and show’m what we’re made of!”
JB: “Clear eyes full heart can’t lose, sir!”
Me: “Also, you may not give it to my daughter doggy style, missionary style, or any other style unless I give you the say-so, son.”
JB: “Ha!”
Me: “SHHHH.”
* Note: this blog contains no actual revelations, but was manufactured in a shared equipment facility and may contain incidental trace elements of peanuts, soybeans, wheat, or milk.
Each day I’ve driven my New! Car! to work this week, the traffic has been particularly obnoxious, which on the one hand, at least I have a comfy environment in which to sit for hours on end while Montlake, 520, and 148th collectively shit the bed, but on the other, I am itching to put the pedal to the metal because oh my god this car has some get-up-and-fucking-GO to it. I should be on the freaking Autobahn with this thing, not mired on the 520 bridge watching a sea of red lights while I sadly play the perfect Drive Like Hell music (”Buzzbomb”, Dead Kennedys; I also recommend AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck”).
Here’s something interesting about the Touareg: if you have the key with you – say, in your pocket or something – the car automatically senses the proximity of the key, and the proximity of your hand as you reach for the handle, and unlocks the door just as you grab the handle. Is that the freakiest thing ever, or what? I’m driving KITT.
Okay, time to wrap things up. I leave you with…
Three awesome links:
• Lincoln’s unusual new website. I love that you can click “Add this dream” like you’re putting a life ambition in a shopping cart.
• This right here is the best comments section I have ever seen on any blog, ever. Long live the long horse.
• Live hamster video game!
And four photos of the boy:
Still cute. Which at least partially makes up for all the yelling, I guess.
Riley scribbled with crayons for the first time yesterday. I predict he’s going to be a lefty, which is awesome, because everyone knows lefties are superior in every way. (What?)
Lately he is obsessed with dragging around my Bandolinos. He’s like Jack the Giant Killer, wielding his seven-league boots.
Also, oh my god this kid is totally going to be on Jackass someday.
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39 Responses to “Various trace elements”
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Regina Spektor's "All the Rowboats".
She's almost unrecognizable in this video, but wow, what a song.
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Prada Amber.
My favorite perfume: sweet and exotic without being overpowering.
Blinc mascara.
I have tried all the mascaras and this is the very best one. Trust.
Sundry, I know I have said this before, but that baby of yours looks so much like his dad it’s amazing.
Have you seen this? http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/6212972.stm
That’s right. Not only are lefties superior, but we also THINK FASTER. It’s a scientific fact! (Unfortunately, neither my husband nor child are lefties, so I just have to pity them.)
Are you or JB a lefty? Captain Destructo favored his left hand exclusively…until he started preK. Now he’s a righty. Not that there’s anything wrong with lefties, mind you.
He looks so Lilliputian holding up that boot.
My daughter is a leftie. *Sigh* There’ll be no living with her now.
Oh my god… the long horse…!!! I had no idea there was such a phenomenon! Those comments were hysterical.
I feel for you. I used to commute from downtown Seattle to Redmond everyday for work and also had to put up with Montlake, 520, AND 148th every single day. I finally gave up and moved back to southern Oregon where it’s nice and rural. You should too! But, don’t take any logging roads to get here (sob). =(
Yeeeeah! Lefties in the hizzouse!
We are so totally superior. Ahem. I should know, because I am one, right?
I’m sure I’m not biased at all.
I do think it would be easier sometimes to be a rightie though… not to bring down the vibe or anything, man.
Magic brownies??? RFID on the key I’ll bet. I thought of Homer with his blue Crayon with your pix number two ;-)
Homer: [holds up a blue crayon] I want you to stick this crayon
into my brain.
Moe: No problem — the ol’ Crayola oblongata.
Riley looks JUST LIKE JB in the boot picture!
OMG! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart for the link to the comments on the long horse. I’m afraid I might have piddled a little while reading that!
As a lefty I also have to agree that lefties are better. At everything. We’re just awesome in general.
I LOVE KITT! Man, we bought a car just ’cause it looked like Kitt.
Sorry Dude. You know only Lindsay Lohan can reveal THE TRUTH.
I love the lone sock in the back of the last picture. Also, Mia learned to say Riley this week.
Sundry – I have a question for you (unrelated to this post, related to yesterday’s). It’s not meant to offend, but just to inquire. If someone made a Halloween costume of James Kim as a snowman would that seem funny? I was actually someone who chortled at the Steve Irwin costume, but I dont think I would at a Kim one. And I wonder what is the difference. Both men had families, both seemed decent. What do you think?
You know, LLL, I had the same thought. The difference, I think, is that Steve’s public life was a series of over-the-top activities courting the inevitable accident, and that it was so oddball that it wasn’t a freaking CROC that got him.
The Kims, by comparison, were just a normal family on a normal trip, and their circumstances were so horrific (the desperation they must have felt as each day went by, the children that were involved, the final decision to leave the car, jesus).
However, I feel more strongly now that it was pretty shitty of me to make that stingray joke. If I believe James Kim’s death deserves more respect than a mocking costume, then I should believe the same for Irwin.
That crayon pic is so adorable. Sweet little baby faces lit up in wonder are just a gift. Did you know that Michaelangelo and John Lennon were lefties? The boy is in good company.
yes, it’s true! lefties are the best!
You’re right on about the lefties. My boy is only 1.5 so I don’t know if he’s showing yet or not, but I am hopeful that he is a lefty like his MOTHER and not a righty like that DAD of his.
I, too, agree with your statement about lefties. And that your boy is terrifically cute. Also, “collectively shit the bed” is the most awesome way to describe hellish traffic ever.
And the brownie stories made me laugh. You guys are cute, giggling and eating brownies at night! That’s awesome!
We had originally thought lefty, too, but Daddy is saddened by the right-handedness. Was there pot in your brownies? That would explain the giggling… Being atheist and loving Christmas is hard to reconcile – my husband teases me constantly. So we call it Xmas and my line is “Gaud is the reason for the season”, because I figure why do white lights when you can do colored? Why one garland when there are 10 multicolored ones I can use? I love a gaudy Xmas. AND it makes a cute pun. Okay, enough about me…
I too am a lefty. I think my grandaughter is going to be a lefty, but no one else wants her to be.
The bad thing about it is that there’s something like 2000 people a year that die from using power tools meant for right handed people. And we die approx 10 years earlier than righties.
I fall down, crash and burn alot, and I just know it’s that the earth is spinning the wrong way for me.
Oh, and what was IN those brownies?
Riley=adorable.
I sympathise on the drive. Leaving Redmond into Seattle at commute sucked…that was in 2000. I can only imagine how much worse it is now.
As to the long horse…….OMG
“Mounting of the long horse was considered somewhat of an art – the most accomplished horsemen would knee slide across the horses head from the left to right side and then twist onto the horses back. ”
Mahahaaa
Thanks for a much needed laugh
My comments/questions in order:
1) Can we have the recipe for caramel brownies? The only thing better than chocolate is caramel…
2) I loved KITT. The Touareg sounds awesome – I have a Jetta but I want a Touareg now for the same reasons as you: ferrying around my son and all his paraphernalia (strollers, etc.)
3) I love the picture of Riley on the little car. It’s so cute. He’s multi-talented, that boy!
Stocking present? if you haven’t seen this, you might need to get it for JB.
oh, and “this” would be this: http://www.perpetualkid.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=1652
I had basically the same feelings. I am not sure why this seemed so horrible by comparison. Maybe it was the being lost and afraid, where Irwin never really knew what hit him. My feelings just seem so different when the outcome of both situations is really the same. Wierd. Anyhow, thanks for the response. I hate to admit it but I still contunie to beleive the stingray was funny….in some horrible, socailly unacceptable way. Maybe because it was so unexpected.
I love his face in the boot picture. He’s like, “What? I’m carrying a boot. Don’t you have something else to do?”
The long horse thing. My husband LOVES those things. He’s always one of the ones pretending to totally believe it, egging on the ones who don’t yet realize it’s a joke. I’m always conflicted: half laughing myself sick, half thinking it’s so mean to those people on the side of Truth! and Fact! and Wikipedia!
OK- I am a lefty and both of my boys are lefties. We knew by the time they were a year old. Their father is WAY excited because HELLO…left handed QB–a left handed pitcher?? We strive for mediocrity because everyone KNOWS that you don’t have to be that good to be a lefty in the majors….. again- lowered expectations!!
They crayon picture is my fave. There’s a future writer right there!
Ahh, lefties vs. righties. I’ve always wanted to be a southpaw, and have been strangely disappointed for most of my life that I’m right-handed. Both my parents are lefties, so it seemed almost inevitable that it was my fate! Alas, no. Rightie all the way, conformist at heart.
I love the boot. Heh.
Oh, man, thank you for the long horse link. Long live truthiness!
Left is right! Lefties, unite!
My son seems to be going lefty and his aunt is excited because for the longest time she’s been the only lefty in the family. She can hardly wait to sit next to him at the table and not spend the whole time bumping elbows. My father-in-law, on the other hand, is excited for all of the sports reasons – notwithstanding the fact that no one in our family is what you’d call athletically gifted…
That crayon picture is the best. His expression is all “My first blog entry!!!! Am genius!!!!”
Love the “Add the Dream” page. Although a bit depressing because I want to do most of them, and I fear there won’t be time for all!
That Lincoln site is, well, kinda awesome in a way. It’s like 43 Things with video and ‘experts.’ As for the lefty thing…I totally think lefties rule…always wished I was one…my mate is, as is his son.
hai