March 24, 2007

Thanks in part to some of your suggestions, we went with 300 on Friday, and I’m glad we did. I enjoyed it for what it was: a heavily stylized badass war-porn movie starring some fantastic-looking abdomens, the Toxic Avenger, and some dude with too much eyeliner.

I think 300 is one for theater-viewing vs. DVD-viewing, if only to wallow in the visual smorgasbord of rippling muscles, graphic blood spatters, and macho—yet so obviously cosmetically whitened!—bared teeth. Plus, there’s all the stabbing to consider—don’t you want to see someone’s midsection gorily punctured with spears on the BIG screen? I know I do! FOR SPARTA!

The rest of our weekend isn’t shaping up to be nearly as exciting as watching dueling manbeef. It’s raining, and not in a tolerable let’s-all-don-our-North-Face-jackets-and-forge-onward kind of way. It’s gray and soaking wet and generally icky outside and as either a unhappy coincidence or direct result Riley seems to have had a giant stick surgically implanted up his ass. Even with JB’s presence as a buffer, being trapped inside with a pissy toddler can suck every last molecule of fun out of your Saturday, let me tell you.

In other annoyances, I am battling a lingering sense of guilt over the box of Junior Mints I decided to allow myself last night—I told myself that I was going to eat them, enjoy them, and continue on my merry dieting path, so why am I still thinking about them and feeling bad, as though I had done something far more adulterous and illegal with the contents of that green-and-white box than licking, sucking, and generally orgasmically reveling in each and every creamy, smooth, chocolatey, minty morsel of—

ANYWAY. Fuck you, Junior Mints. You weren’t even that great.

(Oh my god you were unbelievable. I wanted to shake you out onto the sticky, popcorn-matted floor and roll on you naked.)

So other than watching JB high pressure-spray the patio (THRILLING), holding a screaming child while he sobs “Da Da! Da Da! Da DAAAAAAA!” (REWARDING), and entertaining lustful thoughts of boxed candy, I’ve got a whole lot of nothing going on between now and Monday. Therefore, you must help distract me by playing a comments-box game. If you could be anywhere in the world this weekend, where would it be, who would it be with, and why?

I’ll go first: I’d be in Phuket, Thailand, on the same beaches we visited on our trip in 2004. The weather would be perfect and the Andaman Sea would be like bathwater. I’d be there with JB and Riley and our families would be there too, because that would be so cool, and plus of course we would need someone to take care of the boy while JB and I have amazing, three-hour dinners late into the night. The air would smell like flowers and transsexuals, and I would take a million amazing photos.

Your turn!


64 Responses to “Somewhere else, far away . . .”

  1. Sonia on March 25th, 2007 9:21 pm

    Makena Beach, Maui HI. Husband, son, me. Biggest decision every day? Beach or pool. We would make seared scallops with big lush green salads and open a bottle of wine, and eat on the lanai to watch the sun set. Because we aren’t taking a vacation this year, I am fantasizing far too much about what it would be like if we were. The reason I want to GO on vacation is similar to your reason for asking….I’m SO. SICK. OF. THE. RAIN.

  2. Sonia on March 25th, 2007 9:23 pm

    Also, I don’t know how to pronounce Phuket, but if it’s the way I said it in my mind? I want to go just because I want to say I’m “going to Phuket!”.

  3. Cavu on March 26th, 2007 6:41 am

    I spent the weekend ALONE in a cabin on the north shore of Lake Superior, so I’m not bitching or anything–but if I could pick anywhere, I’d always take the tropics instead.

    Right now it would be a little bungalow on the southern Mexican Riviera with my boyfriend at the beach I can’t remember the name of where there is no electricity because amazing sea turtles lob onto the beach at night to lay eggs. There would only be 4 other tourists around. We’d spend our days kayaking through the milky emerald waters at the nature reserve. We’d have the bungalow with the hammock out front and a 2-for-1 happy hour and all our food would be swimming in amazing mole sauce. And while we’re at it, I will not have spilled mole all over my favorite skirt and I’d be wearing that, and my biggest decision would be whether to lie in the hammock longer or move to the lawn chair. Hammock? Lawn chair? I’ll think about it over my second margarita.

  4. Omu on March 26th, 2007 6:45 am

    I’m be in Hawaii staying at the pink hotel from our honeymoon – but I’d be by myself. I’d have a two room suite overlooking the ocean and the gorgeous pool. I’d drink as many gecko coolers as I wanted. And damn it, it wouldn’t rain the night I went to the luau! Not to mention I could do the horse ride in the volcano and the ride at the ranch and not care how long they were or how much cantering.

    Time to myself in paradise would be bliss!

  5. Shelly on March 26th, 2007 7:15 am

    I’m going with Maui as well with daily visits to the Kihei Kaffe for their fabulous breakfast burritos. Afternoons would be spent at the beach drinking lava flows with a massage thrown in daily to complete the relaxation. Dinner would also be served on the beach, cooked by our own personal chef. & as much as I want our daughter there, I also want to sleep, uninterrupted for more than 6 hours, so I’m sort of torn.

  6. Amy M. on March 26th, 2007 7:15 am

    I’d love to go back to Japan – particularly Kurashiki. It’s a really quaint little town where many of those old samurai movies were filmed. Another fantastic place is Naoshima Island. It’s an entire island devoted to art. The hotel is in an art museum – beautiful!

    I’d also love to be home, by myself, just for a day or 2. Perhaps a masseuse could be there too. Nothing against the hubby & kidlet, but I could use some “me” time.

  7. victoria on March 26th, 2007 9:10 am

    I don’t know what to tell you about the mints, but I can say I really, really liked the post where you shared your progress with your diet. You are such a nice person and you inspired me to be more sensible & healthy in my own approach to weight loss. So you see, you are using the internet to be a force for positive change in the world. Think about that the next time the mints (or similar sin) haunts you: you are a positive presence in this world, you really are. The presence of your honesty and goodness on the internet means something.

  8. breckgirl on March 26th, 2007 10:34 am

    Well, it’s Monday and too late for where I would like to be this past weekend (in bed at home would have been nice) but all I really wanted to say was OMG I could not believe it when you made reference to the Toxic Avenger – I said the exact same thing. The hunched guy just HAD to be the TA’s brother. So funny. Toxic Avenger is so on my Netflix Q. Hope you had a good weekend. Don’t worry – I ate a bunch of crap this weekend, too, but am back to the diet and exercise today. I like to go hard all week and then if I fall of a bit on the weekend well, so what. And one box of junior mints is hardly a crime. You could have done way worse (like three pieces of pizza, hot tamale candies, cookies, a bite of Ben and Jerry’s, etc). Yep. So no worries. Have a great week.

  9. Amy on March 26th, 2007 11:32 am

    OK, you SERIOUSLY made me laugh out loud with your junior mints revelry! Freakin’ hilarious.

    Also, I’d be back on the northern coast of Italy eating fabulous food and drinking fabulous wine with my husband while soaking in the history of the area and the sunrays. Thanks for the chance to daydream…

  10. Josh on March 26th, 2007 11:33 am

    Honestly I would be perfectly content with just one day of lounging and sleeping at my girlfriends house. And I do mean literaly sleeping, not the fun stuff that might make my wish slightly less boring. One day without a million things to accomplish and the constant feeling of being in a hurry.

  11. fellowmom on March 26th, 2007 11:41 am

    My wish is similar to yours, Sundry. I’d like to be in the villa at the Oberoi resort in Bali, where we spent our honeymoon. This time, we’d have our boys too and my sister and brother-in-law and 2 nephews in the villa next door. Sigh. . .

  12. tanya on March 26th, 2007 12:49 pm

    Scales are unimportant. I haven’t had one for like 6 years and I am so much happier. I even tell the doctor/nurse not to tell me how much I weigh when I go in. Fanatical? A bit. But as soon as I know that number I start obsessing. And now I don’t. I am free, free I tell you! You are beautiful. No scale can tell you that.

  13. MRW on March 26th, 2007 5:17 pm

    I’m late as well, but will still play. I wish I was at home lounging on the couch with a good book and some cats and also it’s about 15 years from now, so my nearly grown kids are coming home from college for Spring Break and we’d all just relax and hang out and have family time that does not involve playing 8,000 games of Thomas the Tank Engine or fighting about brushing teeth. Or if it must be in this time, then I’d prefer to be at a beach somewhere alone. Just me and some books and bad TV and relaxation.

  14. Kelsey on March 26th, 2007 6:01 pm

    I am behind on this game because this weekend I was actually at an adult only resort in Riviera Maya, Mexico, with my husband. We slept by the pool, ate and ate and ate wonderful food, swam with a dolphin, enjoyed a never ending supply of icy fruity drinks, and all the while capable grandparents cared for the child so worries were few and far between. Aaaahhhh.

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