March 24, 2007

Thanks in part to some of your suggestions, we went with 300 on Friday, and I’m glad we did. I enjoyed it for what it was: a heavily stylized badass war-porn movie starring some fantastic-looking abdomens, the Toxic Avenger, and some dude with too much eyeliner.

I think 300 is one for theater-viewing vs. DVD-viewing, if only to wallow in the visual smorgasbord of rippling muscles, graphic blood spatters, and macho—yet so obviously cosmetically whitened!—bared teeth. Plus, there’s all the stabbing to consider—don’t you want to see someone’s midsection gorily punctured with spears on the BIG screen? I know I do! FOR SPARTA!

The rest of our weekend isn’t shaping up to be nearly as exciting as watching dueling manbeef. It’s raining, and not in a tolerable let’s-all-don-our-North-Face-jackets-and-forge-onward kind of way. It’s gray and soaking wet and generally icky outside and as either a unhappy coincidence or direct result Riley seems to have had a giant stick surgically implanted up his ass. Even with JB’s presence as a buffer, being trapped inside with a pissy toddler can suck every last molecule of fun out of your Saturday, let me tell you.

In other annoyances, I am battling a lingering sense of guilt over the box of Junior Mints I decided to allow myself last night—I told myself that I was going to eat them, enjoy them, and continue on my merry dieting path, so why am I still thinking about them and feeling bad, as though I had done something far more adulterous and illegal with the contents of that green-and-white box than licking, sucking, and generally orgasmically reveling in each and every creamy, smooth, chocolatey, minty morsel of—

ANYWAY. Fuck you, Junior Mints. You weren’t even that great.

(Oh my god you were unbelievable. I wanted to shake you out onto the sticky, popcorn-matted floor and roll on you naked.)

So other than watching JB high pressure-spray the patio (THRILLING), holding a screaming child while he sobs “Da Da! Da Da! Da DAAAAAAA!” (REWARDING), and entertaining lustful thoughts of boxed candy, I’ve got a whole lot of nothing going on between now and Monday. Therefore, you must help distract me by playing a comments-box game. If you could be anywhere in the world this weekend, where would it be, who would it be with, and why?

I’ll go first: I’d be in Phuket, Thailand, on the same beaches we visited on our trip in 2004. The weather would be perfect and the Andaman Sea would be like bathwater. I’d be there with JB and Riley and our families would be there too, because that would be so cool, and plus of course we would need someone to take care of the boy while JB and I have amazing, three-hour dinners late into the night. The air would smell like flowers and transsexuals, and I would take a million amazing photos.

Your turn!

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Katie
Katie
15 years ago

I’d be on a beach in Cozumel, Mexico this week. I’d be there with my girlfriends and all of us would be lying out on the beach. Naturally, we’d be sunbathing and not worrying about creating wrinkles and skin cancer. Damnit, in my perfect trip, there’d be no such thing as skin wrinkles and sun cancer. We’d have a few cool, fruity drinks while soaking up the delicious eye candy that is some hot cabana boys near. I’d be there because a) it’s my spring break from work and b) the weather here in Illinois blows right now. Instead of being there, I’m at home on a Saturday night in sweatpants doing laundry and blowing my nose 30 times an hour.

Swistle
15 years ago

I think I should have a better, more exotic location in mind, but whenever anyone asks me where I’d be if I could be anywhere, I always want to be by myself in a totally quiet hotel room with great room service and great TV and a big bag of snacks and a pile of People and US Weekly magazines. It goes without saying that this hotel room should be extraordinarily clean, and it would be nice if it had a non-gross and enormous hot tub, delivered brand-new that very day so I wouldn’t have to imagine how it had been used by previous tenants of the room.

Jennifer
15 years ago

I didn’t know junior mints could be so enjoyable!

If I could, I’d be in Hawaii, with only my husband. We’d be in a private hut with a private beach and servants that you never see. And lots and lots of pina coladas. And sushi. And sex.

nonsoccermom
15 years ago

If it was at all possible, I would be in Paris right this minute – just me and my husband (our son would be just as happy at Grandma’s house). We went a few years back, and everything was wonderful – the food, the sights, the language…I absolutely adored it and can’t wait to go back. This time, though, maybe a room in a 4-star hotel rather than the tiny minimalistic place we stayed before. Room service would be fabulous right about now…

Emilie
15 years ago

Hum… I would not be in Montréal with snow and slush that is for sure. Oh wait, I was there 3 weeks ago. I am now in sunny Australia. So really, I am pretty much in my dream place. Although, just to tweak the circumstances a little bit, I would not be stuck home with a pile of laundry; I would be in Port Rickaby, a tiny village where the beach is amazing and the water incredibly clear. And my boyfriend would not be working today, he would be on the beach with me. And there would be drinks with paper umbrella in them (might as well dream big, right?).

Nicole
15 years ago

Oh, Pacific Northwest. I’m stuck in the downpour too. Poor Darren was stuck outside hauling crap from a school he’s working at to a dumptruck yesterday.

And then the truck got stuck in the mud. So he slogged home and had a shower. And didn’t go back to work.

At any rate, where would I want to be? Anywhere but grey, cloudy, drippy, Vancouver.

Preferably on a cruise to the Mediterranean, lazing in the sun with Darren (and maybe the ipod), drinking umbrella drinks. Flipping occasionally. And then we’d order room service of lobster to the room and have sex. Lots and lots of sex.

ShannonJ
ShannonJ
15 years ago

We just had my in-laws over for a visit. While enjoyable, by the evening’s end, when my 3-year-old daughter was chasing her 2-year-old cousin around the house, with shrill screams careening off our hardwood floors and scantily-decorated walls, I had pretty much had enough. SO, I would have to require that extended family not be invited along on my dream trip. And at this point I think I’d have to drop my own kids off at my parents’ place.

Now, where to go? I think Amsterdam or maybe Florence. Can I wish that it is summertime? Sitting by a canal or riverbank, drinking coffee or whatever, watching people go by, soaking up the history and architecture and just the feeling of being SOMEWHERE ELSE. It’s been so long since I had the ability to just sit and think easy thoughts, or not think much at all. I miss that.

Haley
Haley
15 years ago

I would be slow dancing with my sweetie on a beach under a starry sky with a cool breeze blowing. Instead I am listening to my ipod trying to drown out the sound of three stepchildren arguing.

Julia
Julia
15 years ago

I would be in Florence, Italy. It would be spring, near dusk. My boyfriend would be with me and would be quite amazed at all of the Italian sites, because he’s never been there before. I’d be excited because I’d be in my favorite city with my favorite person. There would be gelato and wonderful tortellini. We’d walk up to my favorite church (not to be morbid, but the graveyard is quite amazing and a photographer’s dream) in the entire world to look out over the city. The next day we would be leaving for the Amalfi coast.

Or we’d be in Vegas staying at the Bellagio ordering room service. ;) Either/or.

Tessa
Tessa
15 years ago

Not on the rag, that’s for damn sure.

I’d be at Ihilani at Ko Olina resort in Honolulu, watching the sharks below from my beautiful, breezy balcony, drinking the best Chi-chi on the planet.

My first husband’s parents took all their kids and their spouses (and my lucky husband and I still qualify, apparently) on a cruise to Hawaii a year ago at Thanksgiving, and we spent our first day there. Omigod. Gigantic fluffy bed, humungous bathtub, shower for two, big sitting room, an entyway, and a fucking doorbell. Next time we go to Hawaii, we’re skipping the cruise and spending the entire time there. Creditors be damned.

Kirsten
15 years ago

Um, this is so lame of me but I would rather be at Kaiser Permanente, extracting this little parasite that is totally almost reached her 40 week limit that is leaching out all my energy and sitting on my spleen. After that was done I would be found sleeping in a percocet induced coma.

Carol
15 years ago

Hmmm, probably a private island with my husband, sister and her husband. Our day would begin with playing cards, time in the sun either dozing on the beach or floating in the clear water and evenings alone with DH…doing whatever whenever…and more of the same the next day. The kids, well, they’d be with someone else having a grand time without us! They could be on the same island…even the same beach, as long as someone else was “in charge.”

Erica
15 years ago

After the exhausting day I had with one daughter and the horrid evening I had with the other, I would quite honestly take ANYWHERE BUT HERE. PLEASE? Just for a little while…

Nancy
Nancy
15 years ago

In my dreams… I’d be in Ireland, by myself, in the same town that the movie “The Quiet Man” was filmed more than 50yrs ago. I’d catch up on some reading, sleeping, exploring, and teach myself to knit.

Anywho.. and kind of wondering why nobody else has asked yet… The whole time I’m looking at your pictures from that trip in 2004, I’m thinking tsunami. Is that hotel even there anymore? Was that area completely destroyed? Since its Phuket, I’m guessing yes but I was wondering what your take is.

Danell
Danell
15 years ago

I’m too busy wondering what in the hell a transsexual must smell like that it actually makes its way into someone’s fantasy vacation.

honeybecke
honeybecke
15 years ago

I would go back to either of my two favorite places: here

http://www.legigliole.it/eng/5.html

or here

http://www.bouldersbeach.co.za/pages/lodge.php

with my family, a lot of money to burn and loads of time!

Janssen
15 years ago

I’ve been wanting to go to London all day, and it’d definitely be with my husband. We both went on study abroad programs there, but at completely different times, so I’d absolutely love to go together. I think London is just so beautiful and interesting. I’d want to take more pictures than I did last time around (now that I have a halfway decent camera) and it’d be romantic this time, rather than academic. I’d skip most of the museums and revel in the parks, gardens, gorgeous neighborhoods and gazillion restaurants.

H
H
15 years ago

I have no idea but a break from everyday life would be super. I want to be somewhere warm, tropical, safe, clean and relaxing. I love reading everyone’s ideas and fantasizing that I’m there instead of here.

Brooke
15 years ago

I’d like to go to Europe if it didn’t involve a plane trip. I guess Hawaii would be great. Mmmm..room service bringing macadamia pancakes at the Hyatt Kaanapali, and fresh pineapple in the cabana at 2! Massage on the pool deck listening to the waves and watching the sunset. Oh, and dinner at Sansei at Kapalua with their tasty tempura, DIVINE satay, and EVEN MORE DIVINE granny-smith-apple-puff-pastry-caramel dessert. :drool:

Anne
Anne
15 years ago

Hmm. I think maybe right where we are right now. Except maybe with better restaurants, hotels, and night life. Other than that, we’re good.

Liz in Australia
Liz in Australia
15 years ago

I would be back at Milford Sound, in the South Island of New Zealand, on a day when it wasn’t blowing an absolute gale with the rain coming at you sideways, like it was on our honeymoon. We would go on the cruise up and down the sound, looking at the fantastic mountains and watching dolphins and penguins swimming next to the boat, and not getting hideously seasick from the huge waves. We would actually get to go to the amazing underwater observatory, because it wouldn’t be closed because of the storm conditions. And we would totally get there and back in the luxury coach so we didn’t have to drive ourselves in the pouring rain on the freak-out inducing avalanche-prone hairpin curves 2 1/2 hours each way from Te Anau. Unless we decided to take a small plane there and back from Queenstown, of course.

The day we visited Milford Sound was the one day out of our entire honeymoon when the weather was less than utterly perfect. Which sucked, because the entire reason we decided on a honeymoon in NZ was because I fell in love with the idea of the underwater observatory. So, some day, we are definitely going back there!

Jennifer
Jennifer
15 years ago

Not to worry – Phuket is going strong. Rebuilding that tourist area was a top priority for the Thai gov’t after the tsunami. So you may continue your weekend Phuket fantasy uninterrupted. I may in fact pick that fantasy too.

Kathy
Kathy
15 years ago

I would be in Qatar with my husband. He has been there for 2 months and won’t be home till the end of may. Kinda missing him. Oh, I guess I would take the kids. They are missin their dad too.

Pete
Pete
15 years ago

If I had a choice I would be in Colorado on my land with a backhoe excavating a foundation for my house.

Amy
Amy
15 years ago

I would be either on a beach anywhere, listening to the ocean and drinking fabulous fruity drinks with umbrellas in them or in Amsterdam. I would be there with my husband and it would be on this trip that I would get pregnant.

jonniker
15 years ago

I’d like to be in Laguna Beach at the Montage Resort, relaxing and having a lobster omelet on the balcony before a trip down to the water to noodle around on the rocks and tide pools. After that, I’d take a day trip or two to Santa Barbara to tour the wineries again, then head back for more pampering and beachside lolling. It would be just Adam and me, and the beachside lolling would probably just be me.

Oh yes. The Montage. That’s where I want to be. God.

Julie
15 years ago

I would like to go back to Hoosick Falls, NY, north of Troy. There’s a bunch of little cabins and an enormous lake. It’s quiet. Sadly, I can’t think of anyone I’d like to go with. I would like be be visited by the neighborhood dog, Tuffy, and take long, aimless walks.

Jan
Jan
15 years ago

I would be with my husband on a cruise ship in Alaska. We had the time of our lives there and the incredibly gorgeous country is just unbelievable. I’d like to spend more time this visit and take a week to go inland. We just saw the coastline and I would love to see Denali Park and more of Alaska. Everyone should see this true, unspoiled wilderness. Every American.

Elizabeth
Elizabeth
15 years ago

I’d definitely be at my flat in Notting Hill. With my fiance. But before we broke up when he said he was gay. [Ignorance is bliss.]

Emily
15 years ago

I’d be anywhere except Baghdad. But probably just back home with my husband, enjoying a lazy Sunday.

My co-worker and I have another name for “300.” We call it “1,800 Abs.”

Blythe
15 years ago

Believe it or not, I would choose the rainy Pacific Northwest today, specifically Portland, where I could shop on a Sunday (bliss!) see a first-run movie in English, eat chips & salsa and gooey enchiladas, and visit friends and family. I’m writing from Europe which as you’ve all noted has many charms, but I guess there’s no place like home.

Then again, I wouldn’t turn down a mai tai on a beach in Maui.

Gentry
15 years ago

I want to be in Pittsburg because there is a boy that I like there. I haven’t had sex for over a month and my womanly needs/loins are starting their mournful wail for wont of attention. In bed, in Pittsburg, with a stack of pre-cooked post-coital waffles on hand.

Jem
Jem
15 years ago

I’d be on the Sunset Strip in LA…at the Rainbow, where I spent my entire time there, I’d be there with my boyfriend and the cool people I met there, because I miss LA more than I’ve ever missed anything!

Gillian
15 years ago

I’d be snorkeling all afternoon in the British Virgin Islands. I hated the Caribbean when I lived there, but now I miss the water.

Danielle
Danielle
15 years ago

I would be at a hotel in Paris with my husband, sans kids of course, getting ready to go out for an amazing dinner – getting dressed up, glass of wine in hand, the sounds of the city outside the window. But at this point, I would give anything for a good 8 hour stretch of sleep, we have a 6 week old and damn I forget how much sleep deprivation sucks!!!

miranda
15 years ago

I would be in Barcelona with my guy. We would wake up early and spend an hour in bed, listening to the street noise floating in the window, talking in hushed voices, dozing off again under the covers. When we finally managed to drag ourselves out of bed we would wander around the market and stop in at cafe for late breakfast and coffee. Then we would walk around the city with no specific destination in mind, just taking in the sights and stopping on park benches to rest. At night we would split a bottle of wine and eat an amazing paella dinner at Con Majo, a restaurant on the beach, sit and laugh until the place closed for the night, then walk along the beach in our barefeet.

Sarah
Sarah
15 years ago

I’d be in Costa Rica where we got married last year. Instead, I’m 35 weeks pregnant, full of anxiety, and staring out the window at a grey, dreary sky in a place I don’t love living, yet can’t think of any way out. bleh. Luckily I have your blog to lift my spirits :)

mandy
15 years ago

I would be in the mountains somewhere, alone with my husband. Enjoying a few days of 69 degree weather to hike and fish. We would of course have to have a cabin or something to stay in, because I don’t want to sleep in a tent. (scared of bugs!) I would be anywhere, alone with my husband really.

Jenny H.
15 years ago

I have always wanted to go to Tuscany. With my husband and no children!!! We would eat fabulous food and have really hot sex. Yeah.
-or-
I would like to go back to Perdido Key. With my husband and the children. The Aidan really wants to go back to the beach! It is so beautifil there. We are planning a summer trip after we come back from California.

Melissa
Melissa
15 years ago

I’d love to go back to Moorea where we were on our honeymoon…the baby can come too. As long as we have a great babysitter, of course.
Wouldn’t mind heading to Italy as well. Ahhhh…thanks for the brief mental escape. :)

Emma
Emma
15 years ago

To be honest, I would be anywhere other than the North of England at the moment! The first day of spring and it was rainy. FAO The Powers That Be: Oh come on!

Glad you enjoyed 300 – what’s more worrying about the “dude with too much eyeliner” is that in reality he is the delightful Rodrigo Santoro, the lovely young man from Love Actually who Laura Linney falls for and who is currently appearing in Lost – http://tinyurl.com/yp7nnl – amazing what a bit of slap can do to transform someone…

Shannon
15 years ago

I went to Japan on my honeymoon last September, so I would love to be back on Miyajima Island, riding the gondola up through the trees to the landing platform, then taking the hike through the temple ruins until we’ve reached the top of the mountain, gazing on the blue waters dotted with oyster nets and down at lovely Hiroshima. I am stil homesick for Japan!

Katie
Katie
15 years ago

Maybe camp. I loved camp, with the campfires and smores and fireflies and stars. Being silly with out a care in the world.

samantha jo campen
15 years ago

Ooooh fun!

Okay. I’d be in Italy and Greece with my husband. We’d go to all the fun touristy places, but also the places only the locals know about. Find fun little nooks of history and culture. We’d eat where ever we wanted, stay where ever we wanted–money wouldn’t be a problem. Our pictures would be amazing. We would melt away all stress and I’d come home pregnant. We’d have a wonderfully adventurous and romantic time, and I wouldn’t feel one ounce of guilt upon returning home about how much money we spent.

Sigh.

Oh, did I mention that I’m writing this while I’m AT WORK? It’s about 10 times more depressing knowing we’re not there and have no plans TO go there any time soon while I’m sitting in this Office of Hell.

Chiara
15 years ago

I would be at the Octopus Resort in Fiji and I would be dive certified so that I could go down deep into the reef and pretend to be an octopus myself. There would be lots of fun people there and and I’d wear a flower behind my ear to the barbecue dance party every night And then I would have a lot of sex with some sort of very exciting be-accented lighty-oiled holiday romance-boy, and then I’d go snorkeling again, and then I’d have pancakes, and then a beachside massage, and then some sex, and…

thejunebug
15 years ago

Where would I be right now?? I’d be back on the cruise ship I was so cruelly forced to leave at an ungodly hour on Saturday morning. *sob*

Yes- cruise ship! My husband and I both had the week off, and just fooling around, I looked at cruise fares. Lo, I found a seven-day cruise departing march 17th, returning march 24th, for an unbelievable last minute rate. We spent the week cruising around the Virgin Islands being waited on hand and foot by an entire ship full of helpers, eating gourmet food, lounging in crystal clear waters and I WANT TO GO BACK. I don’t want to go to work in 2.5 hours. Sigh.

Amy
Amy
15 years ago

Wow, Thailand looks fucking gorgeous. Still, if I could be anywhere this weekend it would be … well, here, except with the husband having vacation next week and a grandparent staying in a nearby hotel for lots of babysitting?

I know that sounds kind of lame, but I *do* live in one of the most beautiful places ever, I promise. :)

mo
mo
15 years ago

probably cheating but, i’d be back in time four months ago and i’d be with my mother and when i stepped into the wedding dress i was about to buy i’d be all ‘i really like this, but i’ll take it in the next size up, i think’; and then i wouldnt be in the position where christmas has been and easter is looming and i have to refrain from all the chocolatey goodness because i need to lose weight. that, or deal with the internal organ crushingness of a boned wedding dress that is possibly almost one size too small.

Annie
15 years ago

They’re chocolate. They’re minty. They’re very refreshing!

You make Phuket sound so very tempting, but I think I’d have to go with the Mexican Riviera, also with the family (for those three hour late night dinners).

That, or a very quiet hotel room where I could sleep, blissfully undisturbed, for at least 10 hours at a time. That would be awesome.