September 17, 2007

I can’t remember if maternity wear waistbands get easier to deal with later in pregnancy or even worse. I mean, is there ever a gestational stage when you aren’t hitching at your pants in order to stop them from 1) choke-holding your belly like a starving anaconda or 2) sliding incrementally down to the very bottom of your ass crack?

I’m also on a Great Bra Quest, since my entire chest region seems to have drastically altered its topography. There’s the new cup size to contend with, but there’s also this problem where my belly seems to start curving outward at the top of my ribcage, so most styles featuring underwire (to hold the aforementioned cups O’ hooter) burrow directly into my flesh, regardless of the band size. I bought a wire-free bra, but during a trial run of wearing it the results were . . . unfortunate. Let’s just say my cups runneth over, and gravity had its way with me.

My favorite time of day is in the early evening, when I rip off the mostly-presentable clothes I wore during the day and I vigorously scratch my unencumbered, gasping-for-breath thorax before sliding into my slovenly home uniform: baggy Old Navy yoga pants (rolled under my belly), a maternity t-shirt, and something called a “sleeping bra” that provides virtually no support but at least keeps my anatomy from bouncing around and randomly smacking into things, like my face.

Pregnancy is so sexy. Especially on the extra-gassy days.

Oddly, Riley seems to be experiencing some clothing challenges too. He’s shot up in height and narrowed out (whither toddler potbelly? Gone, baby, gone) and none of his damn pants will stay up. They all fit in length but they slither downwards whenever he moves, exposing a wide swath of diaper and eventually transforming him into the World’s Tiniest Gangsta Wannabe. I’m not sure what to do about this, other than spreading peanut butter on virtually everything he eats. Suspenders seem like the best option for humorous purposes—plus, convenient handles!—but I suppose a belt would be less emotionally traumatic.

Until we’ve made it through our respective Awkward Body Shape stages, I think both the boy and I need muumuus. Hey, I think there might be a hot business idea there! Come on, if someone’s buying this stuff (hork), surely they’ll go for the the Mommy & Me Matching Muumuu.


44 Responses to “Waist not, want not”

  1. Pete on September 17th, 2007 2:39 pm

    My companies name is ‘Village Idiots’ and I have some ‘Team Idiot’ shirts.

  2. Karen on September 17th, 2007 2:40 pm

    Oy, I remember the great bra quest. Especially the great nursing bra quest. For that next challenge, I highly recommend bravado nursing bras. I’m assuming that if we can buy them in Canada, you can most definitely get them in the U.S. of A., land of great shopping…!!

    All the best….

  3. hello insomnia on September 17th, 2007 2:40 pm

    I think Riley would make a cute gangsta wannabe. He’d be the leader of the Cribs! Eastsiiide!

  4. Emily on September 17th, 2007 2:42 pm

    Sundry, have you tried the Bella band? I’ve heard good things about them from others.

    (It’s basically just a tube of fabric that’s stretchy that you wear over too-big maternity pants to keep them up or over too-small ones so you don’t have to button them.)

  5. Brooke on September 17th, 2007 2:42 pm

    Hork is right! She is truly on Mommy’s side? Hello? Are there people who are reproducing asexually? And when did parenting become a competitive sport? Good lord.

    I’m 2 months behind you, but my boobs feel like stretching blobs of Silly Putty whenever I release them from bondage (only in the shower). I sleep in a Champion sports bra I got at Sport Chalet. It keeps movement to a minimum. I stretched out a bunch last time and I so don’t want that going on again. I’m thinking of trussing them together with tape and then hanging them from my neck.

    My 8 year old still has her toddler potbelly. She is mostly thin everywhere else, go figure. We use belts for her, but always went elastic waist when she was little (easier with girls because stretch pants/leggings are still “dressy” while sweats, not so much).

  6. Brooke on September 17th, 2007 2:43 pm

    Bella Band for toddlers! Maybe that’s your solution!

  7. Emily on September 17th, 2007 2:51 pm

    OH! Does Riley need a MAN-DRESS? Because if there’s one thing they can do in this part of the world, it’s man-dresses. And also explosives … but whatever.

  8. Mandy on September 17th, 2007 3:14 pm

    i don’t even get that website’s intent–what the hell is Mommy’s Team? weird.

    I got my son a “Myself Belt” when he lost his toddler belly– It attaches with velcro and he has no trouble opening it himself, which is a good thing during potty-training.

  9. Amy / Girl's Life on September 17th, 2007 3:22 pm

    Ha! Before you go running off to find matching muumuus, check out Gap Kids and Old Navy for pants for Riley. They have these cool button things inside them that make like an inner belt. When they get bigger, you just loosen the elastic to the next button. It’s brilliant! AND…best part is that Gap Maternity makes pants with the same feature. I had jeans from there that I wore even after birth because of how stinkin’ comfortable they were and how normal they looked. I swear you wouldn’t even know they’re maternity. Just a thought. Matching muumuus would be cool too, though.

  10. Elizabeth on September 17th, 2007 3:26 pm

    I have no idea how well they work but I find these intriguing…

    I hated the bella band, but maybe that was just me. The last thing I wanted to do was walk around with my pants halfway unbuttoned and something else squeezing my tummy that also had to be fiddled with and adjusted and hitched up or pulled down constantly.

  11. bea on September 17th, 2007 4:02 pm

    I LIVED in my Old Navy yoga pants during pregnancy. I actually was able to buy a size bigger than what I normally wear and use them for the whole time. I only bought some maternity tops at Motherhood Maternity. Gotta love the casual Workplace.

    I love my Bravado bra – the original style. So comfortable! But for some shape, they also have non-nursing styles.

  12. Wendy on September 17th, 2007 4:17 pm

    Just had to second the pants from Gap and Old Navy. I can ONLY buy pants with an adjustable waist as my little guy is so tall, yet VERY skinny. Without them, he either looks like the gangsta wannabe or he’s waiting for a flood!! :)

  13. ShannonJ on September 17th, 2007 4:19 pm

    Ahhh, Old Navy yoga pants… I was looking through some old stuff in my closet the other day and found them. I almost put them on, they bring back such fond memories of those pregnant evenings after work.

  14. Naomi on September 17th, 2007 4:55 pm

    Hot milk has the sexiest yet most comfy bras i’ve ever tried. Dont think you can get them in the US, but you can buy online here:

  15. Jess on September 17th, 2007 5:09 pm

    What about overalls for Riley? Like suspenders without the social humiliation when his future significant others see his baby photos.

  16. Anne L. on September 17th, 2007 5:27 pm

    I feel you on the pants. One of the college pretty-boys that I work with today informed me that I was “cracking” as I squatted down to get something out of a cabinet. Cracking? The hell.

  17. jen on September 17th, 2007 5:33 pm

    Since a lot of my kids’ clothes are hand me downs from an era before adjustable waistbands, I’m a fan of the “dorky diaper pin on the back of the pants” look. Both my kids would lose their pants without this essential item. Stuff I buy new I always make sure it has an adjustable waist or elastic waist. Old Navy, Gap, Childrens Place all do this for certain styles.

    Oh, and there is no non-awkward phase of pregnancy for me. I have 6 more weeks and I don’t know how I’m going to make it. If it’s not my pants, it’s my underwear, and I still haven’t figured out whether I’m more comfortable with or without my bra. And my shirts? Let’s just say it’s a good thing I don’t have to leave the house.

  18. Alyson on September 17th, 2007 5:43 pm

    Now, I cannot for the life of me remember when you can start buying pants in “slim”, “regular” and “husky” sizes, but if it is at toddler age, this is the way to go to solve the pants thing. I grow tall and somewhat skinny boys (mostly tall). My solution is to buy a size LARGER pant, but in the slim size. That way, you get the longer legs and a narrower waist. I am still using this tactic with my 10 year old. He wears a 12 slim pant for the length. A 12 regular would slide right off his fanny! Oh! forgot to mention, all my boys are cursed with their father’s famed “no butt” butt. If that fails, go to the OshKosh overalls. But then again, when said toddler is trying to potty train…….this is a REALLY BAD idea!

  19. Jenny H. on September 17th, 2007 5:47 pm

    Both of my children had the same problem. The only thing I could think of to do was roll the waistbands down. What? I couldn’t find any belts that weren’t HIDEOUS.

    Just a thought!

  20. Nancy on September 17th, 2007 5:57 pm

    2nding or 3rding the little boy/toddler pants that come with an adjustable band inside and three sets of buttons to cinch it up. They will still sag on the little skinny no butt all belly boys but at least it will be closer to the right size.

  21. Danell on September 17th, 2007 6:03 pm

    Boy, those Hot Milk bras somebody mentioned are certainly, ummm, sexy and all…and definitely KUDOS to anyone who feels sexy during pregnancy, but “sexy” was NEVER NEVER NEVER an adjective that came to mind for myself when I was pregnant. In fact, if I thought of sex, I got a mental image similar to this:

  22. Swistle on September 17th, 2007 6:20 pm

    I was going to recommend a maternity/nursing bra, but I went to look it up to get the link–and it is GONE. It was a Duo underwire from JCP, and it’s so comfortable and also pretty (in a white ‘n’ basic kind of way). I keep hearing that underwires = bad (for nursing), but I don’t care: I tried several non-underwires and the results would have been comical if they hadn’t been so appalling.

    For little Mr. Slim, Baby Gap has the slimmest slim pants I’ve found so far. Old Navy and The Children’s Place have slims, too, but I think only online and possibly only in 4+, if I’m remembering correctly from when my 6-year-old slimmy was 2. Toddlers get stuck with ELASTIC WAISTS–which, might as well go with the muumuu.

  23. Deanna on September 17th, 2007 6:22 pm

    Sorry to tell ya- the body stay whacky for awhile after birth, too. I am at almost 4 month post delivery and today tried on one of my favorite prepreg bras (Lane Bryant plunge with the air pillows for boost). Spillith over? Half hanging out and deformed! Not for public consumption. I packed it back away. *sigh*
    I gotta say for nursing around the house (not for public consumption!) I go with good exercise bras. They keep things nice and tight but easy access.

    And- another vote for the old navy, gap, children’s place pants/jeans with the inner adjustable waistband. I’d buy them for hubby if they came in his size.

    I know you, too, love Goodwill. Have you looked there for maternity clothes? Ours is like a treasure trove!

  24. shy Victoria on September 17th, 2007 6:50 pm

    Why do I find those “Team Mommy” shirts so incredibly creepy?

  25. Lila on September 17th, 2007 8:07 pm

    I think that Team Mommy stuff is adorable! It promotes family togetherness – I have a seven year old daughter and she would love to weat that set with me.

  26. Anna on September 17th, 2007 8:28 pm

    Perhaps an invetsment in suspenders would be in order. Some for Riley to keep his pants up (also a good step towards the toddler investment banker look) and some for you to escape the ‘hitching your pants up all the time’ look.

  27. Pagne on September 18th, 2007 12:58 am

    Team Mommy shirts are great! While we’re at it, we should play favorites and get some Team Kid #2 shirts.

    You know…most of us here would love to see you and Riley in matching muumuus. Hell, just envisioning it got me grinning from ear to ear. C’mon, even if you don’t do it for us, do it for the embarrassment it could cause him on prom night.

  28. Eric's Mommy on September 18th, 2007 4:15 am

    HA HA! Team Mommy!

    My son also has the pants problem he wears a 6 now but they either have to be slims or have that buttoned elastic band inside the waist so you can tighten it. Now that he’s bigger though a lot of the pants don’t have that and sometimes the slims are too tight!

    I thought about a belt for the pants we bought that were to big in the waist but all I could picture was him being at school having to pee and having problems with the belt.

  29. biodtl on September 18th, 2007 5:43 am

    We bought my son “Mork” suspenders at that age, but now they have the awesome adjustable waistline pants. I buy them for both my 3 year old and 10 year old.

  30. Christina on September 18th, 2007 5:56 am

    This made me chuckle: cups O’ hooter… I feel your pain.

    The whole matching mommy and child (or whole family as the case may be) outfits scared the living CRAP out of me when I was pregnant with my son. I saw some mom and her daughter wearing matching outfits whilst shopping in Indianapolis and I turned to my spouse and said out loud “do not EVER let me get that far into parenthood that I feel need to wear THAT kind of thing…” Scary freaky and oddly I get uncomfortable that there is a whole market for that kind of thing AT ALL!

    I agree with the maternity/nursing bra comment a pp suggested. I started wearing my nursing bras. They were comfortable as could be. I wore one out before even having the kiddo!

  31. Sarah on September 18th, 2007 6:22 am

    The sad thing is, I found out that the ‘nursing bras’ I bought (and am still wearing) are actually those ‘sleeping bras’. That’s how sadly small my boobs are – I wear sleeping bras during the day. wah! Sure is comfy though!

  32. Michelle on September 18th, 2007 6:32 am

    My brother who is a new dad got a TEAM DADDY shirt and his new baby got a cute Daddy’s Team blue onesie and he thought it was the best gift!

  33. Becky on September 18th, 2007 6:37 am

    I totally hear you on the cup runneth over business….I am now to a “internet order only” size…..and I am just entering my 8th month…..I do love my sleep bra…no support, but it does keep me from getting stuck in bed if you know what I mean….I will be checking out some of the links above to find new bras as well!

    Thanks Sundry!!!!

  34. aoife on September 18th, 2007 6:43 am

    Time to start buying adjustable waistband pants for the boy. God it hurts to pay that much for kids pants, but its the only way they fit. And when he starts potty training, belts are not an option anymore.

    Other solutions are to roll down the waistband.

    Just this summer, I bought long shorts for my boy at the Children’s Place in 9 Months and 12 months size waistband. They fit so good. My son is FOUR and has been 31 lbs for the last year. (he’s a grazer)

  35. Joanne on September 18th, 2007 7:20 am

    My boy has recently shot up too and I have to fold over the waistband of his pants. I find the Circo clothes from Target are pretty slim too.

    I went into a nursing bra in like my … seventh month with my first pregnancy. I know you’re not going to nurse, but they weren’t underwire and were pretty comfortable and supportive. I got them at Macy’s but Motherhood makes them. I wore them for a LONG time, after I had my boy, like 23 hours and 45 minutes a day for months and months and if I can still recommend them now after all that, they’re pretty good!

    It is a drag, I was just wearing jeans last night (I’m in my sixth month) and hitching and hitching and thinking WHY am I not just wearing my pajama pants? But as I recall, it gets better as we get bigger, right? They fit better? I can’t remember, but I’m hopeful.

  36. Allie on September 18th, 2007 7:57 am

    Sundry, try going to Lane Bryant for bras. They have THE BEST bras ever, I love them so so much. They have bras that don’t have under wire that will hold you up and support your breasts. I have a friend that has a ummm… well a rather ample chest and wears those bras all the time and doesn’t get uniboob and she raves about how comfortable they are.

  37. laura on September 18th, 2007 9:13 am

    VS Body By Victoria wireless demi-bras are AWESOME. I heart them muchly.

  38. kendra! on September 18th, 2007 10:15 am

    Cup o’ hooter – LOL.

    I’m in month 5 and after a teenagehood wracked with despair over my lack of growth spurt (in 11th grade, I was 4’10”, weighed 80lbs, wore an A cup) it has taken the hormonal surges of pregnancy to make me appreciate my old predictably petite figure. I share in the victory lap each evening as I de-corset my torso. I just wish I didn’t feel so much guilt spending money on my self and my cups o’ hooter at this stage in the game…I’d really like some new underoos, but I feel like I need to save every last penny for the wee one’s camp fund…n’ah mean?

  39. Claire on September 18th, 2007 10:54 am

    I do not miss maternity clothes, or the constant plight of shopping for them, trying them on, etc., one flipping bit. Next time I get pregnant, I’m going to be rich so that I can just go to the fainciest maternity store, get the sale’s woman to measure me and simply purchase every single thing in my size. If I can’t get rich, maybe I can get my son to help me rob the place. He should be old enough by the time I’m brave enough to have another child.

  40. Alicia on September 18th, 2007 12:00 pm

    Those Hanes her way bras that Jennifer Love Hewitt is advertising are at Target and in addition to being super cheap are actually awesome bras. I would highly recommend!

  41. Lisa {milkshake} on September 18th, 2007 12:10 pm

    I’m usually a lurker, but I had to comment on those shirts. Eeeeeeewwwww! They make my head hurt.

  42. Donna on September 18th, 2007 1:59 pm

    I have this picture in my head and I can’t stop chuckling — Riley with suspenders, Sundry grabbing the suspenders at the back and carrying him like a little gym bag!

  43. Josh on September 18th, 2007 7:47 pm

    Dude, I had this sweet idea even before you mentioned suspenders for Riley. Pregnancy suspenders! And lo and behold, they exist:

    Also, “Team Mommy” attire is about as cool as dressing up your lap dog like a fucking clown. Suck.

  44. Christina on September 19th, 2007 8:56 am

    The only thing that comes to mind when looking at that “Team Mommy” crap is that it seems like clothing intended for children to pick sides in a divorce or something. UGH! Encouraging a child to favor one parent over another just sucks.

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