Yesterday after work I went for a horrible run—I say horrible because it really was pathetic, my nose was all drippy and I kept getting pollen in my eyes and my iPod cord kept getting tangled and I had to stop and walk several times and my underwear got wedged halfway up my small intestine and at one point I somehow ate a tiny flying bug—and the whole time I kept thinking about all these different things that have been driving me crazy lately, like those wag more bark less bumper stickers Seattle drivers are so thoroughly enamored with, my ongoing career angst, and the fact that Anoop is still on American Idol.

Crankiness is often a useful emotion during kickboxing because you can, say, visually place someone’s face on the punching bag before sending a few well-aimed front kicks at the bridge of their imaginary nose, but being mired in negativity while trying to run was like slogging through wet cement. The entire outing from start to finish was wholly without any of the redeeming moments I sometimes experience when I’m out puffing along the sidewalk at a snail’s pace (when for just a second I think dude check me out all jogging and shit like a total badass! which is usually right before I’m hit with a debilitating side cramp) and I came home and staggered in the front door with what felt like a visible black cloud over my head. A tag cloud, even, filled with things like JOB and SECURITY and CREATIVE FULFILLMENT and PREACHY STICKER-BASED SENTIMENTS and CHEESY FUCKING BALLADS.

Two seconds later, the boys came barreling out of the living room to see me, both lit up like Christmas trees with enormous toothy grins plastered across their jelly-stained faces. Now, I am not one of those people who feels the need to recommend parenthood as an obvious life choice to every single person on earth of childbearing age, but I will say this: if you are having a crappy day and feeling sort of down on yourself and you maybe have bugs in your teeth and an ass full of bunched-up underwear, two small children squealing with joy and trampling themselves to jump into your arms is a fantastic restorative tonic.

Of course, in the next minute Riley was whining and crying because Dylan had grabbed his airplane toy and Dylan was screaming because Riley had tried to take back his airplane toy and oh my god I am going to shove this airplane up both your [redacted] if you kids don’t etc, but still. Bad mood banished.

I feel like I’ve had an extra-grumpy couple of weeks lately and I’m glad for those little moments when the clouds are pushed aside and I’m reminded of everything that’s so awesome in my life. Corny, yeah, I know, but true.


Those bumper stickers still suck, though. Wag THIS, hippie.


42 Responses to “Crabby”

  1. dani on April 22nd, 2009 4:07 pm

    I know what you mean. a bad run is NOT fun. heh, we should make that into a godamned bumper sticker.

    what I want to know is if anyone knows what those bumper stickers that say “EAT A LIME” mean. do you know?

  2. beach on April 22nd, 2009 4:07 pm

    you are a lucky girl…to be surrounded by those fabulous 3!!!….and sometimes life can be a huge ass wedgie, but toddler greetings balance it out….enjoy!!

  3. sundry on April 22nd, 2009 4:10 pm
  4. danielle on April 22nd, 2009 4:10 pm

    Glad to hear it ended well! With the results show tonight, it may end even better!

  5. dani on April 22nd, 2009 4:28 pm

    thanks for the link!

    ps: it’s just as stupid now that i know what it means.


  6. Moose on April 22nd, 2009 4:59 pm

    I’m cranky too. Can I borrow your kids?

  7. Joceline on April 22nd, 2009 5:01 pm

    I hate those bumper stickers too! My husband’s boss has one, and I always think, “Why?”

  8. Reagan on April 22nd, 2009 5:38 pm

    OMG- cutest pic ever!!!

    And I may or may not order one of those cute bumper stickers…sorry!

  9. Courtney D on April 22nd, 2009 5:41 pm

    Those three make one hell of a silver lining! Perspective, right!?!

  10. She Likes Purple on April 22nd, 2009 5:41 pm

    I know (I KNOW) I stand alone in this, but Adam Lambert drags down my AI experience every week. He’s so screechy and obnoxious but more than that, I don’t think anyone loves Adam as much as Adam loves Adam. Surprisingly enough, Kris is becoming my contestant of choice. I couldn’t have cared less about the guy in weeks 1-5, but he’s grown on me now (minus the facial hair; unfortunately, I don’t think he’s grown it ironically).

    And — MORE IMPORTANTLY — when did your boys become … boys? They’re just so grown up! And adorable! And … where are the babies?

  11. Blythe on April 22nd, 2009 5:54 pm

    I moved back to Portland last summer and could not figure out what those Wag More stickers were all about. I thought it was some election thing I’d missed out on, or possibly a doggy day care promotion? But no, it’s just people trying to cheer me up. Sorry, but a bumper sticker just won’t do it for me. (However, you’re right about the squealing kidlets, they do it every time.)

  12. clarabella on April 22nd, 2009 5:59 pm

    That pictures is great, but it occurs to me that Riley and Dylan have switched dispositions; Riley looks quite cheerful, and Dylan looks downright suspicious.
    I totally agree about the kid tonic. I have a lot of crappy days currently, something about being discontent with my professional life/future blahdablahda, but coming home to my son and his beaming face always makes me feel better.
    Also, I live no where near Seattle, so what do the “wag” stickers even mean?

  13. clarabella on April 22nd, 2009 6:04 pm

    Oh, ok, I looked them up. Didn’t expect them to be quite so literal. Silly hippies.

  14. Danell on April 22nd, 2009 6:04 pm

    That picture is SO GREAT! I mean, I realize there’s an awful lot of penis happening in your house…but wow, those are some cute men you’ve got there!

    I, um, have that bumper sticker…but in my defense: I got it FOUR years ago and I thought it was appropriate for a vet!

  15. moojoose on April 22nd, 2009 6:19 pm

    I effing HATE those goddamn stickers. I always wonder why the offending bumper doesn’t melt off under my hateful glare.

  16. mnerva on April 22nd, 2009 6:21 pm

    Love the color coordination on your men. Who knew the XY chromosomes were capable of it? :-) Fantastic picture.

  17. Mom101 on April 22nd, 2009 6:29 pm

    Grumpiness is in the air lately. I hope the cloud lifts soon because it’s not good for our complexions to keep squinting and frowning (although the shaking of fists can be good for the triceps). But hell yeah, it’s nice to have some critters around to remind us what’s what. Before kids I think I’d have been forced to rely on chocolate.

    The effects are shorter lived.

  18. The Redheaded Lefty on April 22nd, 2009 7:07 pm

    I hate those. They are surely the bumper stickers of the most passive aggressive people. I want a “Freedom from Religion” bumper sticker. The people that are brazen enough to don those puppies look like my type of folks. I’m afraid I’d be driven off the road by the real nuts.

  19. jen on April 22nd, 2009 7:11 pm

    I had no idea I would cause such a ruckus when I put my Wag More sticker on my car (just this evening actually, how ironic…AND I drive a Subaru!). But why is it a hippie thing? If it said ‘Save the Whales, Harpoon Ted Kennedy’ on it then I’d get it, but why a goofy dog-person phrase? I just saw it as a great accessory to the wagging, idiot-grinning mutt I have hanging out my window! :-) But since I’m in Toledo, Ohio, and I haven’t seen anyone around here with it, maybe it’s not so bad…

    “When life hands you lemons, I throw them back and say ‘what the fuck am I going to do with lemons?!”

  20. Krissa on April 22nd, 2009 7:12 pm

    I really just wanted to post something about AI, but then I don’t know if Seattle-area TV is on the same loop as OKC-area TV, and I don’t want to ruin it.
    SO…yeah, your boys are adorable. LOVE the Casper head-angle on the right, there, too.

  21. MotherGooseAmy on April 22nd, 2009 7:30 pm

    Gorgeous photo!

  22. willikat on April 22nd, 2009 7:42 pm

    well, two things. anoop is GONE!
    and, um, i feel your pain about some other things.

  23. Drama Queen Jenner on April 22nd, 2009 7:50 pm

    Oh, those baby cheeks! I love ’em. They’d put me in a good mood.
    I always heard that when life gave you lemons, you were supposed to get some salt and tequila and have a party. (Maybe it’s a Texas thing?)

  24. Kristi on April 22nd, 2009 8:57 pm

    First, that picture ROCKS THE HIZOUSE! Love it!

    I can’t believe this post because I had almost the EXACT same experience of a shit-run yesterday here in Portlandia. You forgot the humidity. Oh, also I had horrendous allergy issues going on and looked like a wheezing jackass!

    What the hell is up with Anoop?!? I don’t get it.

  25. Annie on April 22nd, 2009 9:20 pm

    OMG I effing HATE Adam on AI… I’m sure he’s got a GI Joe shoved up his ass.

    I know that you mean about the mood lifting toddler sprints – but I love them even more when my husband comes home and they run toward HIM!

  26. k on April 22nd, 2009 10:38 pm

    I could really use one of those moments.
    Thanks for reminding me that they do occur.

  27. Brenda on April 23rd, 2009 12:48 am

    When I have a crappy run (ie side stitch, wheezing, shoelaces that just won’t be just-right-tight, hellish humidity, stupid wolf whistles from stupid morons who will stupid woohoo at anything with two X chromosomes, cyclists and pedestrians in my way and hey by the way the sidewalk belongs to ME only), I tell myself WHAT DOESN’T KILL ME ONLY MAKES ME STRONGER. Then I feel less murderous.

  28. Sarah on April 23rd, 2009 5:52 am

    Dylan looks like Alfred Hitchcock in this photo (and I meant that as an endearing comment – squooshable. and also suspicious.)

  29. Laura on April 23rd, 2009 5:59 am

    OMG! Who looks suspicious NOW?????

  30. ColorCodedC on April 23rd, 2009 6:21 am

    It’s funny (and somewhat of a relief) how quickly perspectives can change. Your family is absolutely adorable!

  31. Christina on April 23rd, 2009 6:26 am

    Ummm please explain meaning behind these stickers? Too sleep deprived and likely just too out of it socially these days!

    Any exercise that happens to go badly is never fun. Smiling happy kiddo faces are lovely however!!

  32. Must Be Motherhood on April 23rd, 2009 6:56 am

    Why thank you! I shall now purchase one of those bumper stickers and bring the movement to Indianapolis.


    That photo of your boys puts me in a good mood too, and I’ve been depressed and stuffing my pie hole with goldfish crackers for a good week now.

  33. Gaby on April 23rd, 2009 7:18 am

    Sorry it’s been crappy lately for you. Glad you’ve got your boys to cheer you up, though!

    The only thing I can speak to is, strangely, the underwear situation. I had many a wedgie while exercising, but I read something on DoctorMama’s site once where she said that no one should wear underwear while running. I was a bit skeeved out by the idea (I’m not much for public displays of going commando), but you have to admit, it’s pretty much the only way to avoid having your underwear attempt to visit your esophagus. Good luck to you.

  34. Alicia on April 23rd, 2009 9:00 am

    Wow I am so from a different planet, we couldn’t have kids, so it is my Funny Cocker Spaniel who makes my day when I come in the door each night after work. I have another dog who seriously I wish would bark less and wag more. I LOVE those bumper stickers and feel an affinity for other people that get it. It was my way of saying I am a dog person who will smile while my dog is wagging his tail at you. The unpleasant feelings you folks have for that innocent sticker have me completely surprised and baffled. Of all the truly nasty bumper stickers out there THIS one bugs you?? I’ll stay on my planet where people like dogs and wagging tails thank you.

  35. Amy on April 23rd, 2009 10:11 am

    Love the picture :) A daddy with his boys is always a mood booster. In fact, my husband has one as his Facebook profile picture. My first thought when I saw your photo is that it would make one of those great stand up cut out photos.

    I’m sorry your run sucked. It’s always hard to stay motivated when your just not feeling it. And the wedgie thing is SO annoying. I’ve found that it really depends on the pants I’m wearing. If they’re tight lycra ones, my undies usually stay where I want them. If they’re baggy, like sweats, I tend to get the wedgie.

  36. MRW on April 23rd, 2009 10:15 am

    I have also been grouchy lately – job sucking, why am I still here – oh yeah the economy is in the toilet, blah blah blah. It doesn’t help that I’m nearly 7 months pregnant and, therefore, whale sized and unable to do most of the exercise I want to do – clearly my mood is better when I work out even if it sucks sometimes. However, when I get home and get to be with my husband and son I feel all of that go away. It’s good stuff.

  37. Shawna on April 23rd, 2009 10:27 am

    JB looks different in this pic. Longer hair? Lost weight?

  38. Alison (aka Cluck and Tweet) on April 23rd, 2009 11:37 am

    I assume that those obnoxious bumper stickers (redundant?) are telling people to complain less and be happy more? What if complaining makes you happy? Can’t you bark and wag at the same time?

  39. Amy on April 23rd, 2009 11:45 am

    Oh if we could only bottle kid tonic! The world would be a happier place. Or maybe we should just make our own stupid bumper sticker to annoy people with….KID TONIC BANISHES BLACK CLOUDS. I don’t know, you’re the creative genius. haven’t seen any of those down in our neck of the woods.

    Damn cute family!

  40. anonymous on April 23rd, 2009 12:46 pm

    I hear you on the grumpiness; it seems perpetual lately. I don’t have kids but I think I’ll go borrow my too-cute nephew for an afternoon.

    As for bunchy underwear, I wear running tights and, um, I DON’T WEAR underwear when I run. Nothing up my ass crack but the breeze, baby.

  41. kristylynne on April 23rd, 2009 2:11 pm

    I must know – what kind of camera do you have? And do you have to be a photographer to know how to use it? Because your pics rock. And mine are always all dark in the background if taken inside.

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