January 25, 2007

So you want to hear about Cat, do you? Let me tell you about Cat: I am about one more cat-yowl away from shoving her in the microwave and turning it to the “Repulsive Meat-Gobbet Explosion of Fur-Coated Internal Organs” setting.

She’s always been a vocal, demanding, bitchy cat, but lately it’s like her mission on this earth is to 1) trip and kill her owners so she can feast on our tender, accessible flesh, 2) howl at top volume to be either let in or let out, 285728103 times per night, and 3) wake up Riley by standing outside his room, pawing at the doorknob (I am not even making this up), and yowling over and over until one of us scurries down the hallway hissing obscenities, picks her up by the scruff of her neck, and eighty-sixes her obnoxious ass outside. Where she immediately starts yelling at the front door again.

We have this bell hanging from the front doorknob, and for a long time she would reach up and ring it when she wanted out. I thought it was a cute trick, except for the part where I found myself instantly, mindlessly rising from the couch and heading for the door each time I heard the bell tinkling. It’s kind of disturbing when your cat uses Pavlovian conditioning on you in order to develop involuntary reflexes that work in her favor, you know?

But she doesn’t do the bell thing any more, now she just yells. All the time with the yowling. And as some of you know, there’s nothing quite like having something threaten the sleep of your small child. It solicits a sort of wartime response, an I-wouldn’t-normally-stab-you-with-this-bayonet-but-we-are-in-trying-circumstances kind of visceral reaction, and just because my tormentor has the comprehension skills of a cantaloupe doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel good to cuss her right the hell out.

Every night, I unleash a festive string of expletives at Cat. I tell her if she doesn’t quit yowling I’m going to rip her head off and shit down her neck. I tell her I fucking hate all cats and I think the government should explore using their carcasses as alternative fuel sources. I tell her to fucking shut her fucking cat-hole for fucking fuck’s sake (may I remind you my innocent child is asleep at this time so it’s okay to use questionable terms such as, you know, “cat-hole”) or I’m going to beat her ass like a dusty rug, and if that doesn’t work, I get out a plastic bag and give it a good shake because that always scares the crap out of her and ha ha haaaa, you should see her try and run on hardwood floors.

On the off chance this wasn’t quite what you meant when you said you wanted an update on Cat, let me assure you she’s the picture of robust good health, she cuddles with JB on the couch every night, and in the morning I often find her curled against my feet. Oh, I love Cat, despite her many, many flaws.

You know what – I bet she’s still getting revenge on me for this:

150725628_5d656205db.jpg

It’s another low-key weekend ahead for us. Saturday I think I’ll be cleaning and hen-pecking JB to help me clean, and Sunday JB’s parents are coming to visit. JB has an Alki dive planned, and I have a freelance project to finish and submit. Oh, and tomorrow night is the once-every-two-months “parents night” at our daycare, so we can go on a DATE. Woo! I’m trying to decide: dinner or a movie? Has anyone seen Children of Men and thinks we should definitely see that (note: I am a rabid fan of dystopian movies, plus Clive Owen is some tasty manbeef, is he not) — or some different movie? Or should we go to a restaurant where, praise jebus, someone else does the cooking and cleanup?

And here’s the same question as I always ask: what are YOU doing this weekend? I don’t know if I say it enough, but I love hearing your answers.

Lastly, the suctopus:

withbook.jpg

Which reminds me, go check out my enormous (partial) list of the books you recommended a while back!

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Wendryn
15 years ago

To sleep, perchance to dream – that’s what I want to do this weekend. Instead we are getting a humidifier put into the piano at 8:30 tomorrow morning. We live in a desert and if the inside of the piano dries out too much it starts getting warped and out of tune. It does amuse me that it needs its very own humidifier. We may go on a bike ride if it isn’t too freaking cold. Sunday we sing, as usual, and then we have the afternoon off. We will either ride (again depending on weather) or we will sit in front of the TV and catch up on Netflix and our downloaded TV shows. I love not having to sit through commercials. Oh, and I’ll study a little bit, too, I’m sure, and maybe clean house.

Our cats don’t yowl much, but one of them really likes trying to get snuggly at about 5 AM. This is fine when the alarm is set for 5, not so much when it is set for later or not set at all. I wake up to cat whiskers on my face as she tries to get in between me and my covers. I’m very protective of my covers and I sometimes thrash, which often results in my husband getting whacked in the arm or the head. His cat just comes and curls up with her front feet on his head, closes her eyes, and starts with her heard-through-the-house purr. I think it would make my teeth rattle, but he doesn’t mind at all.

Children of Men was a good movie. Not much at all like the book, but good. Pan’s Labyrinth was absolutely awesome but a little gory and not exactly what you’d call cheerful. It made me cry in one place and made me wince and cover my eyes a few other times. I’m really glad I saw it. I don’t want to see it again.

My 2 cents. Have a great weekend!

steph
15 years ago

I have two cats. Not much yowling, but the little one acts like she’s afraid of me and cringes anytime I approach. Her one, tiny expression of affection is to sit down near me and reach out and rest her paw on my leg. So weird, but somehow cute. The other one is a brute that constantly mounts the little one despite the fact that she acknowledges several times a day that he is the Alpha (he is fixed, so we do voice-overs: “I don’t know why I’m doing this, but I have this insatiable need to climb on top of you! Now what?”). He’s cuddly, but 20 lbs. of muscle. Also, I feel a little bit violated after a cuddle session because he inevitably ends up nuzzling my neck and kind of sucking on it until I have a hickey.

And related to your hair post: I went to Erin’s stylist Michelle last night. At first, I thought, “Eh, it’s a fine haircut. No complaints.” But as the night wore on, the more my hair got used to its new shape, and now I can’t believe I went so long with that old, stupid hair. I love it! When describing what I want to a stylist, I often feel like I am speaking heavily accented English and they are just kind of nodding and pretending to understand. But she totally got what I wanted, and asked clarifying questions. And she was as fun to talk to as Erin promised. A definite second recommendation here.

Jane
Jane
15 years ago

I am going to a restaurant that has a mechanical bull that plays “Pour Some Sugar on Me” when you ride it.

Me Ra Koh Photography
15 years ago

Oh my goodness! This post was hilarious! We have similar cat issues!

Our cat’s name is Prince Phillip (from when our little girl was hooked in Sleeping Beauty), and he is so fat that most think he’s a dog when he walks in the room.

And I love that once we get the kids to sleep there will be a moment of silence, and then the cat will start crying. Unbelievable!

http://www.merakohblog.com

Pickles & Dimes
15 years ago

We have two cats that work in diabolical tandem; one does the yowling while the other paws open the cupboards in the kitchen and lets them slam Slam SLAM shut.

My weekend involves going to TwinsFest, picking up my wedding veil, and eating lots of cheese.

Amy
Amy
15 years ago

I love your cat and yet am glad she is not mine to deal with. However, we have 4 cats and therefore are crazy.

My husband will be occupied with his eBay while I will be enjoying the frigid festivities at the St. Paul Winter Carnival. Pictures to follow.

muriel
15 years ago

argh, i hate cats! i grew up with them, but i refuse to ever own one. again. never.

we have the cute tinkling bell hanging on our door and our dog uses it to let us know its time to go out, although lately, she’s totally been abusing the system!

nonsoccermom
15 years ago

Hey, I have a cat just like that! She’s even solid black! I swear sometimes I just want to kill her because she just WILL. NOT. STOP. with the yelling. And do you know what she wants? Why, she wants me to sit down so she can get in my lap. That’s all. And the yelling, it is constant.

No big plans this weekend, I think I might paint our spare bedroom. Woo!

Stephanie B.
Stephanie B.
15 years ago

We’re taking the Biscuit to Legoland on Saturday and putting up that mailbox that we neglected last weekend to “erect”.

Rae
Rae
15 years ago

okay – first off, we have a biker bar in Garner? I just moved there from N Raleigh and still befuddled by the lack of bookstore. But I can get to Target in less than ten minutes.

secondly. Cats are evil beasts at times. Our oldest firmly believes that dinner (8p) is whenever it gets dark. This results in much whining, begging looks and finally the most horrible – the silent cry. It rips your heart open to see this. If you pass him though too many times, you will get your ankles swiped at…which can be rather painful. And of course, if he meows….two others come running in thinking they’re all about to be fed and they don’t want to miss it!

Weekend theory? Getting my car’s passenger side mirror put back on. Yep, I knocked it off with a cook-out ordering fiasco a few years only to have the cold finally do it the temporary holding job we had rigged. *sigh* There’s probably unpacking, photo hanging, touch up painting and cleaning out the shed of stuff in my future as well.

Becca
Becca
15 years ago

My sister is having her baby on Saturday so my weekend consists of sitting, waiting, tuning out annoying relatives and then trying not to sob uncontrollably when I see the kid. I mostly posted to suggest you go to dinner instead of the movie. JaK’s in the U District to be exact. Get the “UFO” when they ask about how you want your potatoes. They will ruin every other kind of potato dish you could ever eat, but it’s worth it. I get the chicken, which is delish, but the steak is apparently the best in Seattle.

Quiana
15 years ago

Children of Men was awesome. If you’re into fantastic Clive Owen and “oh my God, the world is ending!” styles of film, this is perfect. You will be thrilled to see the munchkin after the movie.

I’m going to check out the Children’s Film Fest in Seattle this weekend.

http://www.nwfilmforum.org/cinemas/kids_fest_2007.php

Lisa
Lisa
15 years ago

Children of Men! Fo sho! Trust me. And I’m so happy I get to say I’m doing something interesting this weekend! I’m starring (ha ha) in a horror movie trailer. More specifically a “Grindhouse” trailer for a contest to be judged by Robert Rodrigez. So I’ll be spending the wee hours of the nights this weekend in 70’s high waist pants, covered in caro-syrup-blood and screaming. P.S. My black cat, Olive, yells too. She’s also a major bitch, I think it has something to do with black cats. She is an inside cat though, so I only have to deal with her verbal abuse when I walk towards the vicinity her empty food dish – or breath too deeply when she is sleeping on my lap. Luckily she is also extremely sweet and affectionate otherwise I would have fed her to the neighbor’s pitbull a long time ago.

To Kerri – Me too. Unemployed. My suggestion is to start out with a walk or yoga or some other exercise every morning. For me it’s the only thing that gets me up (since I don’t have to) and starting my day and it kind of keeps the depression at bay too. Good luck!

Keaton
Keaton
15 years ago

Children of Men is excellent, as is Pan’s Labyrinth. Either is an excellent choice, though one is more of a snooty indy-film in Spanish than the other.

Heather
Heather
15 years ago

Pan’s Labyrinth! I think you’d love it.

kj
kj
15 years ago

Children of Men!!! Rocks!
also, have you seen mirror mask? for real! a mind blower.

MRW
MRW
15 years ago

I think Quiana just made up my mind to see Children of Men this week-end. I love dystopian end-of- the world things, but my co-worker (who generally does not like these kinds of movies) saw it and said she didn’t like it. I should have known she wasn’t an accurate predictor because I love both “fantastic Clive Owen and ‘oh my God, the world is ending!’ styles of film” Luckily my husband also enjoys both too (CO in a different way from me, but still in a man love kind of way, not that there’s anything wrong with that, anyway) so I can likely convince him to get a sitter and see it.

SalGal
SalGal
15 years ago

I can SOOOOOOOO sympathize with the yowling of Cat and the paralyzing fear of nap disturbance because I have to deal every. damn. day. with my psychotic dog. He goes apeshit every time anything or anyone comes anywhere near our house. It’s like his Alert-o-meter is permanently stuck on 11 or Red or Defcon 5 or whatever the hell is the highest. Thank God he’s protecting us from all the children and SQUIRRELS in the neighborhood since we all know how dangerous they can be . . . *sigh*

Go, go, go and see Pan’s Labyrinth!!! We saw it last weekend on one of our semi-annual movie outings and it was wonderful! It’s pretty dark and more than a little disturbing in a couple of scenes but nothing is done gratuitously.

Amy
Amy
15 years ago

Go see Children of Men. You will NOT be sorry!! My husband and I finally got out for a date night a couple weekends ago and saw it, and I can say it was well worth the fret over finding a babysitter!

Leah
15 years ago

Check out this picture my friend took of my cat last weekend: http://flickr.com/photos/feistyscribe/367740082/in/photostream/

Katie
15 years ago

Children of Men is an excellent movie! Very bleak, dystopian, end-of-the-world kind of stuff that is beautifully done (and Clive Owen is just plain beautiful). My husband actually just went and saw it a second time. It is violent, but it is contextual violence. Highly, highly recommend you guys go see it.

This weekend? Since I am 5 months pregnant and milking it for all it’s worth, I plan on doing some napping, reading and snacking. These weekends of leisure and sleeping are not here for long…

Bitter Betty
15 years ago

I will busy with my never-ending process of clearing out, packing up and cleaning for an anticipated house sale and move that seems like it will never happen. Saturday morning, impromptu garage sale.

Saturday afternoon I’ll be attending a memorial luncheon for my surrogate mother who passed away last Sunday from cancer, which sucks all kinds of ass. Then my own mother is flying into town later that day for a week. A WEEK.

Somewhere in there I’m going to have to get drunk.

Melissa
15 years ago

Ditto on the Pan’s Labyrinth suggestion. Although I feel someone should warn you that there is a face-slicing-up part. Just a little FYI, you know, because I wished someone had warned me. Heebie jeebies, for real.

Nancy
Nancy
15 years ago

Sometimes it’s best for all involved to crate the cat with her food, water and catbox and put her in the basement or out on the porch. (This often works when you have two cats having a hissy fit because one is just looking at the other… put them in a carrier together on the porch for half an hour.)

It probably also wouldn’t hurt to have her checked out at the vet, just to make sure there’s nothing going on physically (like a UTI).

Has anything else changed recently in her environment?

Then again, sometimes cats just defy all logic and are difficult. Cute, but difficult. Good luck.

Melanie
15 years ago

I talk to my cat like that, too – but mine’s not a yowler, he’s a puker. We have to limit his food and measure it carefully twice a day or he gorges and then throws up. He also kneads you, and will lean down and bite your arm while you’re petting him – I think they’re love bites but it’s weird anyway. I’m glad other people enjoy tormenting their cats back (mine is scared of every single little noise ever made, including someone walking within 10 feet of him).

Okay, in other information: this weekend I’m going to a yoga class with my mom (yay!) and who knows what’s happening after that. I’m too excited about yoga to think past it, and I haven’t actually talked to my husband to make plans in days, because he’s started a new job and we haven’t seen each other (boo-hoo). I do know I’m not planning to do any schoolwork, because DAMN is it hard being back at college again, and I feel OLD there (I’m 27), and I need the weekend to recuperate from this trying first week.

Have a great weekend!

Melissa
Melissa
15 years ago

Love the pic of Cat with the baby bib…I would have done that too. Haven’t seen Children of Man but Clive Owen is definitely a hunk of manbeef….so it must be good. :) This weekend we will be cleaning as well. We are putting our home on the market and need to make it look like we have plenty of room in our closets. Ha! Have a good one!

Cashew
Cashew
15 years ago

I just started reading your blog and it has effectively filled the final remaining days of my time here with this employer before we have our first babe. This weekend we hope to GIVE BIRTH! PLEASE IF THERE IS A GOD – we are due tomorrow! PS. I may have teared up watching Riley’s birthday video and I may have also sent it onto many many people… he is such a dollface!

OH and I also have an insane cat – whose current obsession is sneaking into the baby’s room and cozying into the corner of our soon to be’s Moses Basket – She scoffed at me this morning confused when I kicked her out of the room that we obviously must have prepared for HER!

velocibadgergirl
15 years ago

Wow, Cat is even more diabolical than my own scheming feline. That’s impressive!

I saw _Children of Men_ two weeks ago and LOVED it. It was a heartbreaker, but I definitely, definitely recommend it.

And since you asked, weekend plans:

Tonight, oddly enough, I’ve been invited to a surprise party being thrown for one of my favorite teachers from high school. It sort of makes sense that a friend of mine from high school now teaches there, but it’s still a weird feeling. I’m hoping it’s not totally awkward and weird.

Tomorrow I work all day, and then I’m kidsitting in the evening.

Sunday, again with the working all day. Then, a bunch of my girlfriends are coming over for pizza and games. Should be good times :D

breckgirl
15 years ago

Gee, I never realized how good my cat really is, after reading all of your posts. Mocha is occasionally insane late at night, prowling the halls, pouncing on her imaginary prey, yowling and scratching at doors, but mostly she just likes to be in the bed with us, licking our foreheads and/or shins. It’s pretty cute, even if her breath does smell like rotten fish shit.

Ooh, we have such an exciting weekend planned. My husband and I will pawn our son off on his grandparents while we study for the bar exam, which is in approximately 4 weeks. (Lawyers, don’t ever move from the state in which you originally took your bar exam in. This SUCKS). Perhaps I will get to do some laundry, too. Yipee. Have a good one, all!

life&times
15 years ago

I rarely comment, but read regularly… what am I doing this weekend? Laundry. Cleaning and dusting. Going to a birthday bbq. Laundry. Reading for grad school. Laundry. Oh, yeah, and more laundry. How do two people generate so much laundry!?!??

Mrs. Breedorf
15 years ago

I have been known to grab sweet Dixie roughly by the scruff of her neck and hiss nastily into her bewildered face when she barks at someone/something/nothing at the front door while Theo is asleep. Poor sweet doggie. But shut the hell up when the baby is sleeping!

We’re going back to our routine of sweeping and vacuuming this weekend because we didn’t last weekend and by mid-week Theo was sporting a snot-and-dog-hair mustache from crawling around. And I’m doing laundry, woo! If we can stand to have any more fun than that and the weather holds, maybe we’ll go geocaching.

warcrygirl
15 years ago

This Saturday is the Pinewood Derby for Cub Scouts. Registration starts at 8 and the races begin at 9 so there goes my one morning to sleep in. Sunday is church in the morning and Youth Supper/Children’s Choir practice in the evening with lots of Sloth and Gluttony in between. And I thought my cat was the only yowly pain in the ass. At least I’m in good company.

Wendi
Wendi
15 years ago

Welllllllll…. I am going to a lovely Mexican restaurant with the monster and my sister Friday night where I will celebrate finally getting a part time job. I am sure he won’t sit in the highchair and I am sure I won’t get to enjoy the avocado margarita cause he will be throwing stuff at everyone.
Saturday, I am throwing a champagne brunch for three of my favorite people. I am in charge of muffins and fruit.
Sunday, i have to take a cpr class. not fun. and i have to try and find parking at the college.

Pagne
15 years ago

I enjoyed Children of Men – have yet to see Pan’s although I plan to see it soon. My buddies and I are doing some snowshoeing+snow camping this weekend. I only hope to return with all my fingers and toes intact.

Jessica
Jessica
15 years ago

GO SEE THE MOVIE!!! SOOOOOOO GOOD. and yea, you’re right about the Clive

Sarah
15 years ago

Definitely go see Children of Men. It’s gory, beautifully shot, challenging and paced well. Although, it would be nice if you could squeeze in a quick dinner somewhere too!

Christine
15 years ago

I vote for dinner out. AND a movie!

My weekend will consist of shopping for a new carseat for Wren…errand running…getting XM satellite radio installed in my car…and on Sunday a trip to Herndon (NoVA) to hang out with friends. And go shopping. For fabric. I am such a geek. And maybe boring.

christen
15 years ago

Free Origins mini-facial, color consultation and paraffin dip (ie, I will drop $75 on crap I don’t need).

Possibly painting the living room so we can move in an assload of IKEA furniture during bf’s employee discount sale on Tuesday (35% off!!).

Applying for jobs out the ass because I work for The Devil. Must find new job yesterday.

Oh, and sleeping in. Like, going to bed here at 10:00 and sleeping till noon. Fuck yeah! (america…fuck yeah)

deanna
15 years ago

if you do go see children of men, review expected! ive only heard fabulous stuff [and who could not love the dashingly handsome mr owens?]

as for this weekend, im working friday, saturday AND sunday. wootwoot a threepete. 12 hour nights [7p to 7a baby!] running around like a crazy woman on the hematology/oncology/bone marrow transplant floor. how dare these kids up and get cancer and force me to work the weekend.? [sarcasm, duh. i JEST. i KID. i LOVE my job, when the hospital administration is attempting to royally screw me…]

Eclecta
15 years ago

“Children of Men” was awesome. Lots of excitement, but also some very funny and tender points, and interesting symbolism. (Though could somebody please tell me the point of the catatonic wife of Michael Caine’s character? I don’t really understand what that character added to the film …)

Anyway, I don’t have children, but I do have two cats and will now proceed to bore you with them. One, the younger, tended to wake me up a lot in the middle of the night, but it would go in seasons. After one particularly bad week, when I was ready to do murderous violence to my beloved pet, I looked at her face and realized she was just as tired as I was. Long story short, I went to see a doctor, was diagnosed with sleep apnea, and since I started receiving treatment, Cleo sleeps through the night. I had been waking the poor thing up in the middle of the night when I snored/stopped breathing.

MademoiselleCaroline
15 years ago

Hey there!

Seriously, I cannot imagine how long it takes for you to read ALL these comments…I get ecstatic when anyone reads my blog, so I read the one comment over and over again. Heheh. I’m kidding.

In response to your question: This weekend, I am probably going to spend that $200 gift certificate my hubby and I got for Xmas at that posh decorating store they have on that posh street we never hang out on. Then we’ve got some dishes to do. Yay. Then I’ll probably get my ass kicked at Wii Sports Tennis again, just like last night. Then some cleaning, maybe Sunday. We’ll see.

About Cat: I know where you’re at with this whole Cat thing. Our Cat (his name is Boo) is a naughty, naughty little assmunch. We call him Lil’ Fucker sometimes. He has actually figured out how to open doors. So he stands up, grabs the door handle, pulls, and pushes the door with his body. Door is open. He walks right into the bathroom and sits on the edge of the tub, watching me shower. Little Perv. I start freezing, because it’s minus a gazillion here in Quebec these days, and there is not heat in the hallway. So I get out of the shower to shut the door, effectively shutting the cat in the bathroom with me. He walks over to the door, pulls on the doorknob again, and pulls the door towards him. More freezing on my part, and Boo is gone. Naughty Lil’ Fucker. But soooo cute.

Cheers!

josh
josh
15 years ago

Last night I went to see The Machine (a pink floyd cover band) for my friends 21’st birthday. The rest of the weekend is downtime for my liver. (and really, the rest of my body as well)

jonniker
15 years ago

The weekend is way in progress, and so far, it’s consisted of welcoming home my hubs from a business trip, studying a book for an upcoming test, and working on some freelance projects. Tomorrow will be some swimming, more writing, and more studying. And some real work, which is annoying.

As for Cat, well, yeah, I get that. Cats kind of pale in comparison to dogs, and then babies, and then before you know it, they’re relegated to the whiny pain in the ass in the corner.

fendel
fendel
15 years ago

I’ve read that older cats may start yowling if (a) they are getting a little senile, or (b) their vision and/or hearing are deteriorating (I’m sure there are other possible explanations too). At about 15, my little guy started yowling up the stairs when there was nobody upstairs, and at about 16 he was yowling loudly at odd hours (like, the kind of yowling where the neighbors must have wondered what kind of torture we were performing on our poor old cat). It may be part of the whole kitty cycle o’life… but you may want to take Cat in for a checkup and get the vet’s opinion.

theresa
theresa
15 years ago

i have a black cat, too and she is neurotic – paces around the perimeter of the room many times before laying down. sometimes before bedtime, i will play ‘i’m gonna get you’ and chase her around for 5 minutes or so – this seems to burn off some of her energy and settle her down AND she loves it. also i feed her at 10 PM in the basement (not a dungeon, rather a nice basement with her own cat hair infested couch & nice big sliding door for viewing birds, deer, squirrel, blowing leaves) and she tends to be sleepy after she eats or will want to wash up for three hours. close the basement door & it’s quiet sleeping for us. took a while to get her used to this bedtime routine (after living in an all access apartment for her first three years) but it was worth it. unfortunately if you do not have a basement or room you can put them in for the night (that is far away from your bedroom) then this won’t work for you…

aw, the stinky, yowly little marvelous martian black cat, we love you anyway.

Meg
Meg
15 years ago

Can you blame the cat for seeking revenge for that? Yikes!!!

GoingLoopy
15 years ago

I have a cat who yowls all the time too, but then she does cute shit like lay next to me and curl her little paw and touch my face while purring and making the CUTEST KITTY FACE EVER. I do, however, wish I could figure out why the only time she wants to be picked up is right when I get out of the shower. Seriously. She starts the pawing and meowing as soon as I open the curtain.

(My obnoxious one is a black cat too. Maybe the people who started that superstition about them being bad luck were really just annoyed?)

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