I’ve learned there are maybe two or three hard-core ParentDish commenters who spend what must be hours each week leaving pissy, sanctimonious, often extremely long-winded comments on just about every article that shows up. It’s the damnedest thing, I can’t figure out for the life of me why that sort of activity would be an enjoyable way to pass the time. Unless maybe you have an enormous pinecone rammed up your ass and endlessly griping about blog posts helps ease the pain?

My job there will be changing slightly over the next few weeks and will be focused more on happy funny posts, so hopefully I will manage to avoid getting so many people honked off. Although I’m not really sure if that’s possible, as the angriest reactions thus far have been with regards to 1) paying less attention to my dog, and 2) choosing not to spank my kid. Maybe if I post about how I spank my dog, everyone will be happy? (“She’s getting the attention AND the discipline she needs!”)

I’m also starting up another writing gig focused mainly on health/weight loss/exercise and I’ll be excited to link that when it’s ready because I am kind of obsessed with that topic lately. In fact, I joined a gym near my house this week and after going to one whole class I feel like a SUPERHERO. Well, a superhero who still can’t fit into her Joe’s Jeans and needs a bra made out of freaking titanium to hoist her southward-bound post-baby hooters into place but STILL.

Hi. Can we talk about groceries for a minute? I know, BOring, but the alternative at the moment is discussing the yoga class I went to last night and whether or not you think anyone noticed my heels, which are in dire need of getting up close and personal with a pumice stone. I mean, do you think I was screwing up anyone’s savasana or anything because they were haunted by the vision of my scratchy dry FEET? It has been bothering me, this possibility.

So, groceries? Okay then! Here is a sampling of some of the things I buy, which I have copied and pasted from Amazon’s grocery service receipt thingie rather than laboriously re-typing by hand:

Fuji Apple, 1 Large Apple: $0.79
Cucumber, 1 Medium Cucumber: $0.69
Baby Bok Choy, 12 oz Package: $2.19
Broccoli, Organic, 1 Bunch: $1.99    
Oscar Mayer Deli Fresh Meats Turkey Breast, Oven Roasted , 9 oz:  $4.12  
Jif Peanut Butter, Creamy, 28 oz: $4.77  
Diet Coke Soda, 6pk, .5 ltr Bottles: $3.08
Isomil Advance Soy Formula with Iron, Powder, 12.9 oz:  $17.99  
Wildwood, High Protein Tofu, Super Firm, 10 oz: $1.94
Alessi Chunky Marinara Sauce, 24 oz: $5.50
Oscar Mayer Oven Roasted Chicken Breast Cuts, 6 oz: $2.88
Chiquita Banana, 1 Ripe Banana:  $0.29
Horizon Organics Mozzarella Cheese Sticks: $4.29
Ziploc Storage, Gallon, 40 Count: $4.29          
Huggies Baby Wipe Refill Natural scent, 160ct: $6.82
Organic Valley Low fat 1% Ultra Pasteurized Milk, Half Gallon:  $3.99  
Rosarita Refried Beans, Traditional, No Fat, 16 oz:  $1.82  
Honey Bunches Of Oats With Almonds, 14.5 oz:  $3.96
Yoplait Light Non-Fat Yogurt, White Chocolate Strawberry, 6 oz: $0.69
Pampers Cruisers, 40 ct:   $18.48
Pampers Swaddlers, 44 ct:  $12.67  

Can you tell me, does that seem like an extravagant list? Because it’s a fairly typical assortment and I swear I cannot believe how much our monthly grocery bills are getting to be. I don’t think Amazon is more expensive than our local store or anything, although maybe I should actually check and see. I’m just looking at our checkbook today thinking that from one perceptive, jesus, that’s a LOT of freelancing that’s going towards . . . what, FOOD? Food that we have to constantly replace? I AM DOING SOMETHING WRONG.

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