Apr
29
We are taking Dylan to daycare on Friday as a trial run for Monday when I return to work and part-way through this afternoon I realized that since tomorrow and Thursday are non-daycare days for Riley today was my last day of being home alone with the baby.
The last three months have been . . . well, what can I say that I haven’t said a thousand times already? They have been wonderful, amazing, joyous. They have sucked big fat hairy balls.
I look back on those early weeks after Dylan was born and I can barely remember how difficult they were, the hardest days have already receded; a bad dream blurred upon awakening. The screaming puking newborn has morphed into a buttery pudge of coos and smiles, and I thank the great baby gods for that.
At three months old our boy is watching us constantly, ready to break into a giant drooly grin whenever our eyes meet his. He blathers away in his weird vowelly language and pistons his feet up and down happily, blasting out gunshot farts and blowing spit bubbles. His thighs look like something Pillsbury would sell in the refrigerated section of a grocery store, his hair is fuzzy and whisper-soft.
I tell him he is the silliest baby I’ve ever heard of. “You,” I say, as he flaps his arms and jogs in place, his mouth open wide. “You are ridiculous.” Aaaaaooooooww, he says, beaming and flashing me his cheek dimple. He is a flirt, a goofy good-humored guy with tenderly sweeping maybe-it’s-Maybelline eyelashes.
I love him so damn much. I used to worry: could I possibly love a second child as much as my first? And it’s true, what they all say: yes, yes, yes, yes you can. You expand. There are no limits.
We’re on to new schedules, now, new routines and busier days. I’m ready for it, and at the same time I wish I could hit pause and stay here just a little longer.
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58 Responses to “Pause”
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I also write here:
Oh my, he is breathtakingly gorgeous. And so is your tribute to your day.
This post made me so happy and so sad at the same time. Happy because, duh, it’s all so amazing. Sad because the time, it just doesn’t stop at all. He is absolutely full of life, what an amazing smile.
I am celebrating my only son’s first birthday this weekend, and I am so with you on the pause button. I remember when he was a little older than Dylan is now, and all I could think was (sigh) “he’ll never be that tiny baby again.” And now, oh now, he doesn’t want to be held and snuggled very often; he throws himself around the house with abandon and glee; and he’s more his own little person every frakking minute. And I love and savor every minute!
It’s funny to me that I always thought I only wanted one baby, one child, one love of my life, and now I think wouldn’t it be nice to give Liam a little brother or sister (but worry at the same time that it’s a yearning for baby-time gone by. Oops.)
Anyway, sorry for the novel comment but this post really spoke to me tonight. And that Dylan, whew, he is a beautiful, beautiful boy. (BTW, do you think his eyes are gonna stay blue, or have they not “changed” yet? Just wondering because it seems to me you and JB have dark eyes.) Those blue eyes sure are mesmerizing. Good luck going back to work. I can’t believe it’s been three months since *we* were anxiously awaiting your iphone posts from labor and delivery!
Your boy is beautiful. And I can’t get over how much he looks like JB!
LOVE that first picture with his little curled up toes. What a cutie.
Smiles!! Now this one’s going to be a heartbreaker…
Have a nice last day home alone.
Those eyelashes! He’s just such a cutie :) Beautifully written, as always.
Dylan is Goddamn Gorgeous. He could also be a table lamp, there is so much light emanating from his cheery self. Give him a big smoochy smooch from me.
He is so gorgeous! I know this return to work is bitter-sweet yet necessary for you.
Here’s a prayer for you: “May the trolls at Parentdish suck hairy donkey balls.”
Fantastic writing as usual!
Not in the past 11.75 months have I been able to capture such a gorgeous clear smile on my kiddo as you have in that last picture of Dylan, you are fast like cheetah, camera mom. Thank you for ending my day on a beautiful note.
He is AMAZING. Those eyes…can’t even handle it. Glad you’re feeling good about next week–I’m sure it will have its own ups and downs but you’re going to do great.
Totally huge lump in throat from that lil’ tear-jerker of an entry…..
That last picture melts my heart.
He’s a roly-poly cutie pie.
I feel so sad that you have to leave for work already… its going to be heartbreaking to leave him at daycare isn’t it?
I stayed home for well over 9 months before going to work part time. And I have to say I loved this age. They are so wonderful and bubbly. Sigh, I think I’m going to have to start making more babies soon.
Good luck with starting work again!
wow….he is truly a GORGEOUS baby!!!
model material….enjoy
That brought tears to my eyes. I miss those days so much.
Dylan looks so much like Riley in that first picture! He’s adorable. :)
What a sweetheart!
ohhhh he is darling. the second photo melted my heart.
I second Anna. Beautiful post.
Those eyes! Those eyes are amazing!!! What a beautiful child. And what a beautiful tribute.
I love that you can see your reflection in his eyes in the middle picture.
My boys are almost 13 and almost 11 and I still wish I could hit pause. Savor the moments, they go too damn fast.
HA. I think he looks like YOU.
Show stopping pics!! Great post.
he’s beautiful and this made me tear up. my boy is 9 and I still wish I had a pause button.
Oh my, he is so very adorable. I love that I can see your reflection in his eyes in the second shot. Beautiful.
Your writing, as usual, sums up a mother’s torn emotions as we make these life decisions that not only alter daily schedules but also the way that we spend our remaining free time with our children. Beautiful!
(And beautiful pictures too!) Good luck as you prepare for your return to work!
I fell in love all over again at 3 months. Its the time that everything changes.
Your past two entries have both broken my heart. My little girl is just a few weeks behind Dylan, and your thoughts mirror mine so exactly that I find myself staring at the screen openmouthed, wondering how you caught the words that fell from my mind.
Here’s to wishing time would stop, and for the now-blurry newborn days.
I’m not a baby person. Or a small child person.
But this post kind of picked up any maternal instinct I have in me and shook it until it paid attention and now I kind of want some (babies and/or small children).
GAH. That smile in the last photo BROKE ME. It’s too cute! TOO CUTE! GAAAAAH.
TEARS! Two days in a row! Damn you Linda!
Beautiful!
That smile! Those eyes! Such an adorable baby.
This was so sweet. It really is unfair that just as full-time life with these wee people has become bearable and dare I say at times, fun, that we have to go back to work. Like you, I know I’ll enjoy going back. But I also know I’ll miss my kids.
He is adorable! I am so glad things are going good for you. Thank you for being so honest about life with 2 kids…..now I know exactly what I’m up against when I have my second one.
It cannot be three months already. It cannot. I refuse to believe it.
I am sorry, but I am going to have to eat that baby. All up.
Oh, Linda, he is gorgeous! Thanks for the last two beautiful posts.
He’s beautiful! And so, so happy. Me on the other hand? Weepy.
What a beautifully written post.
I think Riley looks just like you + Dylan looks just like JB. I wasn’t sure who Dylan resembled more until I saw these pictures.
He gets more handsome every day! I can’t wait to meet my future son-in-law. . . ha ha ha!
Here is a recent pic of your future daughter-in-law:
http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j3/kellywmars/Maggie8-12weeks295.jpg
I. Heart. My. Speedlight!
I’m kicking my own ass for not buying it the same time as my camera! OMG it’s so wonderful! I have you to thank. :)
Thanks for that wonderful post - definitely a tear jerker. As a mom to a nearly 2 year old daughter, who is also 7 months pregnant (with another girl)- I have been dutifully reading your posts about having #2 and mentally preparing myself, though I know that’s really never possible. I love how raw and real you were about how hard those first weeks/month are and I love even more that you give me hope that I will get through it and have even more love for my two little ones.
Thanks a million times over!
That close up of Dylan’s gorgeous awe-struck face is just beautiful. I love your photography.
He’s magnificent. You’re all so lucky.
You really are a wonderful photographer - those pictures are FANTABULOUS!
Simply lovely.
My sister once asked me how do I divide my love between two kids. I told her that my love wasn’t divided, it was multiplied.
Ah, he is beautiful. You are so lucky.
And yes, I often want to hit pause too. I have often thought how nice it could be if my son could stay just the age he is for about a year or so. They grow up too damn fast.
These photos are just incredibly beautiful Linda, and as always your writing is too.
This post made my heart ache.
Beautilicious.
Sitting at home on mat leave with my gassy 2.5 week old its nice to hear about the light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for giving us a peek.
I am so glad to hear you discuss the ‘ugly’ side of parenting and babies and toddlers. My kids are teens now and although it can be stressful, I SO ENJOY them more than I ever did as toddlers. Toddlers take SO MUCH TIME…and EFFORT….not that it isn’t worth it, but man…..the enjoyable factor is down and suck factor is up….I didn’t enjoy my kids as toddlers……I mean, I DID, but didn’t. It’s endless and demanding, and, well….hard. It’s also adorable, squishy, and fun……and so very cute. I had the cutest kids……..they still are, but maybe cute isn’t the right word for teens…..
Thank you……My co-workers sometimes look at me like I have leprosy when I discuss how I didn’t really enjoy my kids as much then……like I’m a MONSTER…..
He’s a dead ringer for your husband in the first photo.
nom nom nom
(Also — seconding the dead-ringer assessment. But then, in the next picture, I see all you. Isn’t it amazing how much of what we “look like” is a matter of expression.)
He’s so adorable.
These pictures just brighten up my day.
You are so fortunate.
I wish I will have such a cute baby one day. =)
Gorgeous