We are taking Dylan to daycare on Friday as a trial run for Monday when I return to work and part-way through this afternoon I realized that since tomorrow and Thursday are non-daycare days for Riley today was my last day of being home alone with the baby.

The last three months have been . . . well, what can I say that I haven’t said a thousand times already? They have been wonderful, amazing, joyous. They have sucked big fat hairy balls.

I look back on those early weeks after Dylan was born and I can barely remember how difficult they were, the hardest days have already receded; a bad dream blurred upon awakening. The screaming puking newborn has morphed into a buttery pudge of coos and smiles, and I thank the great baby gods for that.

At three months old our boy is watching us constantly, ready to break into a giant drooly grin whenever our eyes meet his. He blathers away in his weird vowelly language and pistons his feet up and down happily, blasting out gunshot farts and blowing spit bubbles. His thighs look like something Pillsbury would sell in the refrigerated section of a grocery store, his hair is fuzzy and whisper-soft.

I tell him he is the silliest baby I’ve ever heard of. “You,” I say, as he flaps his arms and jogs in place, his mouth open wide. “You are ridiculous.” Aaaaaooooooww, he says, beaming and flashing me his cheek dimple. He is a flirt, a goofy good-humored guy with tenderly sweeping maybe-it’s-Maybelline eyelashes.

I love him so damn much. I used to worry: could I possibly love a second child as much as my first? And it’s true, what they all say: yes, yes, yes, yes you can. You expand. There are no limits.

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We’re on to new schedules, now, new routines and busier days. I’m ready for it, and at the same time I wish I could hit pause and stay here just a little longer.

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Comments

58 Responses to “Pause”

  1. Chris on April 30th, 2008 5:48 pm

    This post made my heart ache.

  2. Kim on April 30th, 2008 5:56 pm

    Beautilicious.

  3. Jen on April 30th, 2008 6:32 pm

    Sitting at home on mat leave with my gassy 2.5 week old its nice to hear about the light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for giving us a peek.

  4. Shelly on May 1st, 2008 6:57 am

    I am so glad to hear you discuss the ‘ugly’ side of parenting and babies and toddlers. My kids are teens now and although it can be stressful, I SO ENJOY them more than I ever did as toddlers. Toddlers take SO MUCH TIME…and EFFORT….not that it isn’t worth it, but man…..the enjoyable factor is down and suck factor is up….I didn’t enjoy my kids as toddlers……I mean, I DID, but didn’t. It’s endless and demanding, and, well….hard. It’s also adorable, squishy, and fun……and so very cute. I had the cutest kids……..they still are, but maybe cute isn’t the right word for teens…..

    Thank you……My co-workers sometimes look at me like I have leprosy when I discuss how I didn’t really enjoy my kids as much then……like I’m a MONSTER…..

  5. monkey on May 1st, 2008 10:24 am

    He’s a dead ringer for your husband in the first photo.

  6. JennyM on May 1st, 2008 12:06 pm

    nom nom nom

    (Also — seconding the dead-ringer assessment. But then, in the next picture, I see all you. Isn’t it amazing how much of what we “look like” is a matter of expression.)

  7. Smiley on May 4th, 2008 3:46 am

    He’s so adorable.
    These pictures just brighten up my day.

    You are so fortunate.

    I wish I will have such a cute baby one day. =)

  8. Victoria on May 4th, 2008 10:29 am

    Gorgeous

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