I linked to this video a while back and I’m a little embarrassed to say that JB and I have been quoting from it sort of nonstop ever since. In fact, I’d like to share with you a very special voicemail left on my phone today by my husband (sorry about the sound quality): HOW YOU LIKE MAH DICK NOW?


34 Responses to “This sh!t is ROUGH”

  1. clarabella on May 16th, 2008 9:32 pm

    You guys must just have the greatest time all the time, considering that is *just* a voicemail. Your regular conversation must read like a funnier, cleverer, r-rated “Gilmore Girls” script. Reminds me of all the times I have to stifle a snort from some ridiculously inappropriate text message my boyfriend sends me when I’m inevitably meeting with a student about Something Very Important.

  2. Rebecca on May 16th, 2008 10:59 pm

    Hey – Whatever you have to do to keep that flame alive. :)

  3. mybelly on May 17th, 2008 6:09 am

    That’s pretty hilarious. :)
    My husband and I quote from everything-movies, video games, commercials..I guess we’re sad, but 10 years of sadness together rocks.

  4. Heather on May 17th, 2008 6:18 am

    That’s wrong. Just wrong. And it’s wrong that I now ask my 4-month-old “Whatchoo doin there, jiggly puff?”

  5. Misguided mommy on May 17th, 2008 6:37 am

    you know, I think JB needs to do a guest post on here. Would he do that? It would be complete awesomenesss.

  6. warcrygirl on May 17th, 2008 6:43 am

    I’m so jealous, I watched that vid and all my husband could do was criticize all the swearing. I mean HELLO? that’s what makes it so funny! He’s such a kiljoy sometimes.

    Also: how did you save your voicemail to a format that could be put on your computer??? I MUST KNOW.

  7. John Franklin on May 17th, 2008 7:35 am

    Linda, thank you for contributing the greatest post in the history of the blogosphere. My wife is about to be real sorry she introduced me to your Cleverness so long ago. JB if you happen to be tracking comments on this one, you are a MF KING my brother, for I have always wanted to talk to my wife in pimp speak, and now thank the Lord I can finally get away with it!

  8. Christina on May 17th, 2008 7:52 am

    You guys kill me! And how is it that the video is cute and totally wrong at the same time? Ahh, old school gumby… you know before the audio started I thought it may be an Eddy Murphy thing.

  9. Christina on May 17th, 2008 7:52 am

    You guys kill me! And how is it that the video is cute and totally wrong at the same time? Ahh, old school gumby… you know before the audio started I thought it may be an Eddie Murphy thing.

  10. Jamie on May 17th, 2008 7:58 am

    I want to live in your world where vm msgs like that are not only acceptable, but preferred and HILARIOUS. You two crack me up.

  11. Eric's Mommy on May 17th, 2008 8:01 am

    You guys are hilarious!!!!

  12. Lesley on May 17th, 2008 11:19 am

    I grew up on Gumby and Pokey and what I have to ask myself is why did those shows make sense to me way back when? The creators must have been on acid or a hell of a lot of dope.

  13. Katie on May 17th, 2008 11:30 am

    You two are both sick and beautiful. I’m glad you found each other.

  14. shygirl on May 17th, 2008 12:24 pm

    First of all, you guys are HILARIOUS. Second, I’m with warcrygirl– howEVER did you manage to turn a voicemail into a wav file?? Can you give us a step-by-step on that?

  15. biscuit on May 17th, 2008 12:36 pm

    I admit. I listened to that voice mail more than a few times. It’s just so good!

    I second the notion JB needs a guest appearance on here. I think he should do a vlog!

    I don’t walk, I electric slide, BITCHES!

  16. Jennifer on May 17th, 2008 1:21 pm

    Great VM, you rock JB. And I’ll second your HOT DAMN: 84 degrees is a GIFT, an absolute GIFT isn’t it – especially after this sucktastic “spring” weather we’ve had!!! And today it’s hot again, Go Weekend Go!!

  17. Laura on May 17th, 2008 1:23 pm

    That was hilarious! You guys need to do something together – a blog, book, tv show, just do SOMETHING!!! Every marriage needs a little more “how you like mah dick now?” talk :)

  18. sundry on May 17th, 2008 2:04 pm

    The reason it sounds so crappy is I played the VM from my phone on speaker while holding it near my computer, which was recording. Surely there’s a better way to do that, but I couldn’t figure out how.

  19. Sadie on May 17th, 2008 4:10 pm

    Not that I had a preconceived idea of what JB’s voice sounds like…but that would not have been it. The content, though, is just right. I like to think “same fucked-up, absurd sense of humor” is what keeps relationships like yours and mine from rotting. That, and the occasional acquiesence after the 38th blowjob joke.

  20. Shannon on May 17th, 2008 4:22 pm

    You and JB are without a doubt my favorite blogosphere couple, tied with Antonia and Ian of “Whoopee.” Do you know Antonia’s blog? If not, you need to, right now. Stop reading this and go here–you will thank me later:



  21. SJ on May 17th, 2008 8:58 pm

    You guys rock.

  22. Shamelessly Sassy on May 17th, 2008 10:28 pm

    Love it. Note to self: start recording husbands voicemails.

  23. Jack on May 18th, 2008 8:02 am


  24. justmouse on May 18th, 2008 9:32 am

    i agree. you guys rock. i think marriages are far better when the partners share a sick, twisted, and very wrong sense of humor. i’ve been married 10 years now, and my husband STILL says totally inappropriate things to me, each and every day. *sigh* no wonder i love him.

    also…everytime someone talks to me today, in my head i will be saying, “how you like mah dick now?”, regardless of what they are talking about. hahahahah

  25. warcrygirl on May 18th, 2008 6:23 pm

    So I’m driving down a fairly new, not heavily traveled street Saturday when I notice the speed limit was 35. I was driving 50. I think to myself ‘Oh yeah, like I’m going to drive 35 SUCK A DICK!’

    You are the best bad influence EVAH.

  26. mary on May 18th, 2008 8:39 pm

    Somehow iTunes became my default media player so after the VM stopped playing, Howard Jones’s “Everlasting Love” came on and I found it rather fitting. ;)

  27. monkey mcwearingchaps on May 18th, 2008 9:08 pm

    Love it! I’m the foulmouthed one in my relationship. My boyfriend started out openmouthed at it but is now getting into the swing of things ;)

  28. claire on May 19th, 2008 6:30 am

    HOLY OMG. This is awesome. Thank you. Thank you for bringing this to our attention. I am sending this to everyone who might understand…

    And… who has some kind of headphones because you just can’t listen to this at work. What’s up jigglypuff?

  29. Sarah Lena on May 19th, 2008 8:14 am

    So the voicemail encouraged me to send the video to my husband, who did not find it as funny as I did. But he’s lame, so whatever. Mah dick is long.

    To be a total killjoy, though, and maybe someone already mentioned it.. they keep calling Pokey “Prickly Goo”! Which is not his name! Prickle was the dinosaur and Goo was the flying blue thing.

    .. yeah, MY HUSBAND is the lame one. HIM.

  30. Valerie on May 19th, 2008 12:26 pm


    Thanks for the laugh, it truly made my day.

  31. SGM on May 19th, 2008 2:39 pm

    My stomach hurt from laughing at this and I can’t stop talking like Gumby in my head. That sh*it IS rough!

  32. Jen W. on May 20th, 2008 10:00 am

    Don’t be embarrassed. That sh!t is supreme awesomeness. I shall quote Gumby from now on.

  33. breckgirl on May 20th, 2008 4:09 pm

    Yo, I like you guys so much I got cherry eyes, mothafuckas. Suckadick.

  34. Simon on June 6th, 2008 7:27 pm

    My dick’s all shriveled.

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