If you missed the post I put up on Monday night and have been wondering just what the hell I was talking about yesterday, the gist of it is that I had a super shitty day at work, wrote about it, then reconsidered the wisdom of doing so. I don’t think the post itself held any objectionable content, but inviting discussion via comments was probably not a good idea.

When you believe you have been treated poorly, it is incredibly validating—and comforting—to have people agree with you. But there’s an inherent risk in painting a partial, biased picture when you involve other people, and it was almost certainly the wrong thing to do to invite criticism and outrage on my behalf.

(No matter how good it felt.)

Anyway, I’ve gone through a nearly pitch-perfect Kübler-Ross model of processing Monday’s bombshell, from weepy devastation to white-hot fury to a kind of wary acceptance. It’s funny, I was just thinking about the nature of impermanence and unpredictability and I’m now in a position to try and take my own advice: to let go of what has already happened (an enormous challenge at the moment, when I’m still feeling so much resentment) and move on. Start doing what it takes to move things forward in a positive way.

I feel like something unpleasant but necessary happened to me this week. I feel like I have a new perspective that includes the sincere belief that I am capable of better things and that is is my responsibility to seek out the future I want to have instead of waiting for it to happen to me.

Danny linked to this video today and I startled myself by bursting into overwhelmed, grateful tears while watching it.

Listen to the lyrics:

It’s not where you are
it’s where you’re going
It’s not about the things you’ve done
it’s what you’re doing now

Yes. Just: yes.

This is the weekend of my race, the goal I have been training for for so long, and I am convinced the timing has happened this way for a reason. When I run those miles I will be reminding myself with every step how hard I’ve worked and what I’m capable of when I try. When I cross that finish line my body will surely be hurting but my heart will be flying. I will know the truth of dreams becoming reality.

Comments

62 Responses to “Tangible”

  1. Jae on February 24th, 2010 12:53 pm

    Fucking amazing. And so true for so many things.

    Best of luck to you on your race. You’re an inspiration to me and to many others around here. Kick ass!

  2. Amanda on February 24th, 2010 12:59 pm

    Have a wonderful (in so many ways) weekend!

  3. Shannon on February 24th, 2010 12:59 pm

    This is why I love reading you…I just love your perspective on life. Take the frustration from the shitty situation and use it to fuel your motivation to complete a goal you are truly excited about….Awesome.

    Good luck this weekend, Linda. Can’t wait to hear all about it – its been amazing and inspiring to ‘watch’ you on your training journey.

  4. Nolita Morgan on February 24th, 2010 1:01 pm

    More power to ya, Linda!

  5. Marie Green on February 24th, 2010 1:02 pm

    Whatever you end up doing next, it will be perfectly timed, as these things always are. I really believe that. Also, you will be (and already are) inspiring so many along the way. I know I’ll be here, with so many others, rooting you on and learning so much along the way.

  6. Eric's Mommy on February 24th, 2010 1:05 pm

    I have goosebumps.

    A brand new co-worker of mine put a post up on her blog slamming the job and the girl she has to work with, even complaining about my space heater. I knew she had a blog because she linked to it on Facebook. In her next post she apologized and had edited the previous post.

    I have a really hard time living in the moment and am always stuck kicking myself for something I did in the past.

    This was a wonderful post Linda. Good luck on your race, you are awesome! I’ll be thinking about you.

  7. Nothing But Bonfires on February 24th, 2010 1:06 pm

    This post and that video were exactly what I needed this morning. Perfect timing. Oh, Universe.

  8. wn on February 24th, 2010 1:14 pm

    inspiring….you AND the video…in case I don’t have a chance to wish you good luck…

    GOOD LUCK…don’t worry about being awesome or kicking ass….because you already do!

  9. Jen on February 24th, 2010 1:15 pm

    Rock on, lady.

  10. Anonymous on February 24th, 2010 1:22 pm

    Go Sundry !!! have an awesome race!

  11. MRW on February 24th, 2010 1:27 pm

    This post reminds me of a quote I keep in my desk by Bonnie St. John “I learned that people fall down, winners get up, and gold medal winners just get up faster.” Always good for me to remember that everyone falls down, what matters is that you get up.

  12. Wendy on February 24th, 2010 1:31 pm

    Congratulations in advance for the race this weekend. I can’t wait to read about it.

    Good luck with the work situation. Perhaps it is meant to clarify that the path you are starting down with taking the class is the right one?

  13. Stephanie on February 24th, 2010 1:34 pm

    Thank you. I just lost my job of 8 years 2 weeks ago. Your post made me feel better, Slightly.

  14. 6512 and growing on February 24th, 2010 1:37 pm

    Fantastic lyrics and beautiful transformation within yourself. Have a rocking race, I hope you fly.

  15. victoria on February 24th, 2010 1:49 pm

    Gee, Linda, are you ok? I didn’t read Wednesday’s post and have no idea what happened. I hope everything’s ok for you. I am wishing you well. -victoria

  16. lisa on February 24th, 2010 1:51 pm

    have a great race linda! love that you can see the positive in the situation!

  17. Lisa V on February 24th, 2010 2:09 pm

    Word. In a very similar situation, and it’s hard to rise above the real emotional reaction to figure out what’s best and how this can be motivating for future growth- professionally and personally. Thanks for putting some words to it.

    It’s a roller coaster, isn’t it?

  18. beach on February 24th, 2010 2:40 pm

    “Things happen for a reason” and “Timing is everything” are 2 sayings that reverberate with me. Now that doesn’t mean that when some things happen I am overjoyed, and that I take every disappointment with a smile on my face(hardly) but in my experience, when looking back….these sayings really do ring true. Enjoy your race. I think there are fabulous changes waiting to happen in your life Linda. You are on the cusp. Embrace it.!!

  19. Sharon on February 24th, 2010 2:46 pm

    Awesome video. I needed that today. Good luck with the race. Don’t miss Cafe du Monde!

  20. Kristin on February 24th, 2010 2:50 pm

    Hell, yeah. You made me tear up, you’re better than the video.

    I’ll be cheering you along this weekend, Linda. You are capable of anything.

  21. Mrs. Flinger on February 24th, 2010 3:19 pm

    Yes. Just. Yes.

    Finding my own “nothing beyond” and focusing on the daily, small steps to better.

    With the crowds cheering you on.

  22. Lauren on February 24th, 2010 3:25 pm

    Word.

    Good luck on your race this weekend! I can’t wait to read all about it!!

  23. Melanie on February 24th, 2010 3:36 pm

    I hope that’s gonna be on your iPod during the race.

  24. Hilary on February 24th, 2010 3:43 pm

    I think Mystikal — the poet of the Dirty South — said it best: “Sometimes you got to get knocked down to get up.”

    Best of luck to you this weekend. Have fun and kick ass.

  25. Johanna on February 24th, 2010 3:54 pm

    My sister and I are in our 20s, and both read your blog. Not only are you inspirational, but you are the type of mother I hope to be someday.

    By the way, the song is “Ali in the Jungle” by The Hours. Excellent song, excellent commercial, excellent meaning.

    Good luck on your race, and enjoy it :-)

  26. SJ on February 24th, 2010 4:12 pm

    I’ll be cheering you on in mind and spirit on race day. Good luck!

    Great video, totally made me tear up!

  27. mrs chaos on February 24th, 2010 4:28 pm

    I very much needed to read this today. Thanks for that.

    Also, good luck this weekend!!

  28. steff on February 24th, 2010 4:34 pm

    yay! turn that frustration into energy and make it your best race yet! :-)

  29. NancyJ on February 24th, 2010 4:40 pm

    You are an inspiration for me in so many ways. That review you got is giving you the chance to male your own choices right now. Look at it as an opportunity for change.
    I know you’ll rock the race this weekend and I’ll be so anxious to hear all about it.

  30. Christine on February 24th, 2010 6:20 pm

    Go, Linda! Have fun at the race, and enjoy the triumph of reaching a hard-fought goal. :)

    You rock the party. Totally.

  31. sharon on February 24th, 2010 6:20 pm

    Thank you for the post and the video. It was what I needed when I needed it.

  32. mrsgryphon on February 24th, 2010 6:23 pm

    Dude, I just got chills reading that post! Love your perspective, and ability to find the good in a tough situation.

  33. Valarie on February 24th, 2010 7:27 pm

    I’ll be thinking of you this weekend, and I want you to know how grateful I am to you. Remember as you run your 13.1 miles that you inspired me, just this week, to run my first step. That is awesome. You are awesome. And I thank you.

  34. Christine on February 24th, 2010 7:45 pm

    Aww you made me teary. And: YES!

    Go Linda Go!

  35. Lesley on February 24th, 2010 7:50 pm

    Well, they can’t say you’ve got the wrong attitude, now can they??

    Being able to accept change is one of the hardest things and processing it fast is a valued skill.

    Enjoy every moment of that sunny musical run. You’ve earned it.

  36. Kristen in KS on February 24th, 2010 7:50 pm

    Good luck this weekend at your race! You are truly and inspiration and I love reading your blog!!!

  37. Samantha on February 24th, 2010 8:25 pm

    Holy shit, you are going to kick all KINDS of ass this weekend. I can’t believe it’s already here! It seems like just yesterday you started training. I’m so glad we’ve all been along for the ride. You fucking rock.

  38. Kate on February 24th, 2010 9:26 pm

    I still remember you trying to “find the yes underneath the no” or however you cleverly put it. I say that not only do you continue to do that, but you unearth the HELL YES.

    Go get ‘em.

  39. Victoria on February 24th, 2010 10:36 pm

    If it helps, when the race seems too long, think of us cheering you on and pushing you forward proud as can be! You’re running it for me too! :D

  40. angelynn on February 25th, 2010 12:02 am

    That was amazing. It’s all about getting up off the mat and coming back. Reading your posts over the years leading up to this one was perfectly reflected in that video. So inspiring!

  41. Michelle on February 25th, 2010 6:26 am

    I hope you have an amazing time this weekend.
    You know we’ll all be cheering you on!

  42. Amity on February 25th, 2010 6:52 am

    Yay, Linda! Wish I could be in NOLA to cheer you on.

  43. Barb on February 25th, 2010 7:04 am

    Rooting for you for the run!!! “YOU CAN DO IT!!” — it is what my partner chants to me while plodding along on the treadmill :) Can’t wait to here how much you enjoyed it!!! Good vibes and travel mercices!

  44. Lisa M on February 25th, 2010 7:50 am

    SO glad you’re feeling better, and you seem to be recovering really fast – good for you! Ditto to all the sentiment about all of your blog readers cheering you on this weekend – I’ll be thinking of you, sending super-fantastic vibes for your run. You won’t need them, but I’ll be sending them anyway.

    Re: your post on monday, it is probably tempting to look forward only, and leave that unpleasantness behind. But if you pursue them for unfair practices, you may net yourself some kind of settlement, which you’ll be glad of later. That was how it worked out for me, and I’m really glad that I stayed strong during the pursuing process, and didn’t shy away from the bad stuff that was happening to me. In any case, I’m sure you’ll do the best thing for you. :)

  45. Holly on February 25th, 2010 8:01 am

    Wow, what a great post. It’s tough to be grown up about things, and learn to move forward instead of wallowing and having a pity party (although they’re nice sometimes). Needed to see how you’re dealing with all of this, and it has given me a lot of perspective on my own stuff. So thanks.

    And you are totally going to kick 700 kinds of ass this weekend.

  46. Ryan on February 25th, 2010 8:51 am

    i completed my first 1/2 marathon this past sunday and indeed, it was the most amazing feeling. i didnt stop running once, i wanted to prove to myself i could run the entire length. by mile 12 i was exhausted, tired and done but my legs led me to the end. 10.5 miles is the most i had run prior to that. my body has ached for the past 3 days but i can only smile because of what i had achieved. good luck, you will rock it!

  47. Stephanie on February 25th, 2010 8:57 am

    Just wanted to wish you luck this weekend! I’ve been readign your blog for about 6 months or so now, I first tuned in when you were training for the triathlon, I’ve benme hooked ever since. I’m a mom of 2 small ones too and I swera it’s liek you are in my head sometimes. it’s good to know I’m not the only one who thinks these things! You often cause me to laugh out loud at work and it’s always when I need it most. Thank you. I’m also running my first half marathon this wekend- up here in cold snowy, rainy MA. Enjoy yours!

  48. Sound Body, Sound Mind on February 25th, 2010 9:06 am

    You are a fantastic women – and your attitude is what will make you a great success! You give so many people hope, too – with your words and example!!

    How strange is it that all of this happens at one time – your race, your job, your school…!

    “When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky” ~ Buddha

  49. Crys on February 25th, 2010 9:10 am

    Love IT! You are an inspiration, I wish you and JB luck this weekend! Love the video and the song- getting put on the iPod..and I’ll be thinking of you as I crank the ‘dreadmill’ up to a jog!! Thanks Linda! Have a good one!

  50. Liz on February 25th, 2010 9:14 am

    Great post Linda!
    however i did have a question, and i could be wrong, but shouldn’t it be partial instead of impartial?

  51. sundry on February 25th, 2010 9:54 am

    Liz: yes, thank you. I have corrected this most egregious typographical error. ;)

  52. Carolyn on February 25th, 2010 11:06 am

    Girl, you just made me well up! At work! Have a fantastic weekend, can’t wait to hear all about it! Good luck!!

  53. Lawyerish on February 25th, 2010 12:46 pm

    GOOD LUCK on the half, Linda! You’re going to kick serious ass, I know that much. And you’re going to feel like you can set the entire world on fire afterward.

    So proud of you.

  54. wordygirl on February 25th, 2010 4:57 pm

    WE LOVE YOU LINDA!!!!

    So goddamn proud of you, and I do NOT use that language lightly. Knock ‘em dead, girl.

    (I don’t know what I missed on Monday, but I trust you’ll fill us in when the time is right!)

  55. Kimberly on February 25th, 2010 10:52 pm

    I’m in NOLA this w/e. When/where is the race? I’d love to cheer you on!

  56. Laurea on February 26th, 2010 12:18 am

    Linda, you are so M-F-ing impressive. I will absolutely be in your (interwebs) cheering section this weekend!

  57. MH on February 26th, 2010 5:57 am

    Win or lose it doesn’t matter, JB is the man. And you’re pretty awesome too.

  58. Redbecca on February 26th, 2010 7:29 am

    What is the good luck phrase you say to runners before a race? Seriously. It can’t be “break a leg” as that is for the theater, and wouldn’t do you much good now, would it?
    So BEST OF LUCK is what I will say instead.

  59. dani on February 26th, 2010 12:21 pm

    i *happen* to know that the human chain ad was a helluva battle… not to mention a long time in the making. it’s good to know that it’s doing some good out there. thanks for posting.

  60. Amy on February 26th, 2010 12:45 pm

    Good Luck this weekend!! May there be no gastro issues before the finish line!

  61. breckgirl on February 26th, 2010 8:22 pm

    I’m too lazy to read all your comments so if I am repeating, sorry – The song (which took me f-ing forever to find) is called “Ali in the Jungle” by a group called The Hours. That ad is awesome and when I first saw it I was struck by the song – it is really a good one and perfect for my place in life, too. Add this one to your racing playlist! Take care.

  62. Jen on February 26th, 2010 10:13 pm

    I did read the original post, and I am awed but not surprised at your ability to take in the experience, process it, move through it, and write so eloquently about it. “It is my responsibility to seek out the future I want to have instead of waiting for it to happen to me.” Amen.

    And good luck (break a leg?) this weekend!

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