If you missed the post I put up on Monday night and have been wondering just what the hell I was talking about yesterday, the gist of it is that I had a super shitty day at work, wrote about it, then reconsidered the wisdom of doing so. I don’t think the post itself held any objectionable content, but inviting discussion via comments was probably not a good idea.

When you believe you have been treated poorly, it is incredibly validating—and comforting—to have people agree with you. But there’s an inherent risk in painting a partial, biased picture when you involve other people, and it was almost certainly the wrong thing to do to invite criticism and outrage on my behalf.

(No matter how good it felt.)

Anyway, I’ve gone through a nearly pitch-perfect Kübler-Ross model of processing Monday’s bombshell, from weepy devastation to white-hot fury to a kind of wary acceptance. It’s funny, I was just thinking about the nature of impermanence and unpredictability and I’m now in a position to try and take my own advice: to let go of what has already happened (an enormous challenge at the moment, when I’m still feeling so much resentment) and move on. Start doing what it takes to move things forward in a positive way.

I feel like something unpleasant but necessary happened to me this week. I feel like I have a new perspective that includes the sincere belief that I am capable of better things and that is is my responsibility to seek out the future I want to have instead of waiting for it to happen to me.

Danny linked to this video today and I startled myself by bursting into overwhelmed, grateful tears while watching it.

Listen to the lyrics:

It’s not where you are
it’s where you’re going
It’s not about the things you’ve done
it’s what you’re doing now

Yes. Just: yes.

This is the weekend of my race, the goal I have been training for for so long, and I am convinced the timing has happened this way for a reason. When I run those miles I will be reminding myself with every step how hard I’ve worked and what I’m capable of when I try. When I cross that finish line my body will surely be hurting but my heart will be flying. I will know the truth of dreams becoming reality.

Comments

62 Responses to “Tangible”

  1. sundry on February 25th, 2010 9:54 am

    Liz: yes, thank you. I have corrected this most egregious typographical error. ;)

  2. Carolyn on February 25th, 2010 11:06 am

    Girl, you just made me well up! At work! Have a fantastic weekend, can’t wait to hear all about it! Good luck!!

  3. Lawyerish on February 25th, 2010 12:46 pm

    GOOD LUCK on the half, Linda! You’re going to kick serious ass, I know that much. And you’re going to feel like you can set the entire world on fire afterward.

    So proud of you.

  4. wordygirl on February 25th, 2010 4:57 pm

    WE LOVE YOU LINDA!!!!

    So goddamn proud of you, and I do NOT use that language lightly. Knock ’em dead, girl.

    (I don’t know what I missed on Monday, but I trust you’ll fill us in when the time is right!)

  5. Kimberly on February 25th, 2010 10:52 pm

    I’m in NOLA this w/e. When/where is the race? I’d love to cheer you on!

  6. Laurea on February 26th, 2010 12:18 am

    Linda, you are so M-F-ing impressive. I will absolutely be in your (interwebs) cheering section this weekend!

  7. MH on February 26th, 2010 5:57 am

    Win or lose it doesn’t matter, JB is the man. And you’re pretty awesome too.

  8. Redbecca on February 26th, 2010 7:29 am

    What is the good luck phrase you say to runners before a race? Seriously. It can’t be “break a leg” as that is for the theater, and wouldn’t do you much good now, would it?
    So BEST OF LUCK is what I will say instead.

  9. dani on February 26th, 2010 12:21 pm

    i *happen* to know that the human chain ad was a helluva battle… not to mention a long time in the making. it’s good to know that it’s doing some good out there. thanks for posting.

  10. Amy on February 26th, 2010 12:45 pm

    Good Luck this weekend!! May there be no gastro issues before the finish line!

  11. breckgirl on February 26th, 2010 8:22 pm

    I’m too lazy to read all your comments so if I am repeating, sorry – The song (which took me f-ing forever to find) is called “Ali in the Jungle” by a group called The Hours. That ad is awesome and when I first saw it I was struck by the song – it is really a good one and perfect for my place in life, too. Add this one to your racing playlist! Take care.

  12. Jen on February 26th, 2010 10:13 pm

    I did read the original post, and I am awed but not surprised at your ability to take in the experience, process it, move through it, and write so eloquently about it. “It is my responsibility to seek out the future I want to have instead of waiting for it to happen to me.” Amen.

    And good luck (break a leg?) this weekend!

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