A long-ass time ago when I was still very optimistic about exercising throughout this entire pregnancy (pardon me while I issue a short, bitter, Edna Krabappel-esque laugh, here: HA!) I bought this goofy Denise Austin workout video, then promptly filed it with our other DVDs and forgot about it. Because I had some very important things to do over the next several months, like seeing whether or not I could eat a whole jar of Claussen dill pickle spears at a time.

I tried it out last night, though, after trying unsuccessfully to find a comfortable position to sit in that didn’t send shooting sciatic pains through my hips or trigger the increasingly hyper Jimmy Leg too much. I finally decided that the only relief I’d get would be through some body movement, and while this made JB very hopeful that it might be BIDNESS TIME, if you know what I mean and I think you do, I informed him that I felt exactly as sexy as a beached manatee, and did he want to get busy with a beached manatee? (JB: “Beggars can’t be choosers.” Me: “Yeah, well if wishes was horses we’d all be eatin’ steak.”)

At first I tried to follow along with an Inhale show, but I quickly discovered that intense non-prenatal yoga isn’t so great when you haven’t been exercising and you’re shaped like a biological practical joke. That whole rapid-fire vinyasa business isn’t designed for people who take ten minutes to gruntingly heave themselves up off the floor, you know?

So I dug up the Denise Austin video and gave it a shot, and it was . . . it was okay. Actually, I felt a little ashamed during the “workout” (really just some extremely low-impact stretching and toning, at least during the 3rd trimester section) because 1) it was so incredibly wussy and yet I felt like it was just right for me, and 2) Denise Austin is relentlessly perky and cheesy and keeps saying things like “Making your body so strong for baby” and repeating the marketing bullet points from her DVD (“Fit and firm throughout your pregnancy!”). She kind of talks to the camera like she’s talking to a dog, which gets a little old (“Good job, you are doing sooooo well, doesn’t that feel so good?”). Power-peppy aggro-cheerleader Chalene Johnston or scary Billy Blanks (“COUNT IT! COUNT IT!”) would be more fun.

However, I slept halfway decently last night for the first time in I don’t know how long. So maybe there’s something to this whole “exercise is good for you even when you’re a beached manatee” theory I keep hearing about. Tonight I’m going to try out a prenatal yoga video I rented from Amazon Unbox (did you know you can download videos straight to your TiVo from there? The future is NOW!), so I’m hopeful that doing some ongoing exercise in some shape or form (JB: “I’ve got your shape and form right chere“) will continue to help reduce some of my late-night restlessness. Because there is only so much pacing a person can do before their husband will suddenly shriek to stop it, stop it, STOP IT BEFORE THE BABY FALLS OUT.

In other baby-related news, BabyCenter has released their Top Baby Names of 2007 list and while Smalltopus’s name hasn’t been on any previous Most Popular lists, it is now. I will be mean and tease-y and give you a hint by saying that it’s in the top 40 names, but remember, I’m not telling yet because I want that particular data point to be revealed alongside a photo of a helpless pathetic newborn so people are less tempted to tell me what a fucking suck-ass name we chose. Anyway, I guess it’s more prevalent than I had suspected, but at least it’s a popular boy’s name, unlike Riley — #76 on the boy’s list, #20 on the GIRL’S. Crap.

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Kim
Kim
14 years ago

Oh, Denise Austin. A few years ago I caught my husband watching her early-morning perkiness when she had a show on some obscure channel, and while he wasn’t doing anything inappropriate, she still gets on my nerves to this day. Because my husband wasn’t watching for the exercise tips, if you know what I mean. I’m very glad that at least you got some relief last night.

clarabella
clarabella
14 years ago

ahh. i am *naming* vicariously through you since I just spent ten minutes comparing lists and looking back at your naming post to try and figure it out. I have a few ideas.
but I’ll try and be patient. after all, we only have a few more weeks. yay!
also, i too can eat a whole jar of claussen pickles in a sitting, in or out of pregnancy.

kalisah
14 years ago

Oh! Is it Elijah? That’s my son’s name (he’s 14. It wasn’t on any lists in 1993) and it’s not a sucky name at all!!

Amy
Amy
14 years ago

Gabriel!

My Buddy Mimi
14 years ago

I love that Aiden, Jayden, Caden, and Bayden are all in the top 15. So much for originality.

BethanyWD
14 years ago

Although I would NOT go back and change their names, I’m discovering that the names I choose for my kids (4.5 year old son – Grayson, and 2.5 year old daughter – Cameron) are more gender biased than we had thought. Grayson was so pretty as a baby, and even dressed in ALL blue, people always thought he was a girl (although, his eyelashes go on forever). And I am constantly correcting people who believe, just based on her name, that Cameron is a boy. It’s not like I named her Peter or something. I actually do like that she has a rough and tumble name; and she goes by Cammy alot anyway.

BTW, I totally associate Riley with a boy, no matter what the most popular name list says!

Can’t wait to hear what you’ve chosen.

She Likes Purple
14 years ago

Well, I imagine it’s not Michael as that’s probably graced a list before, but I can’t wait to find out the name. All 40 of those names are great. You can’t go wrong.

And I’ve always loved the name Riley (for a boy). It’s perfect for him.

biscuit
biscuit
14 years ago

JB’s commentary is awesome. It makes me crack up every time you use his quotes. I wish my husband was that funny/vulgar.

His excuse for not doing it with this beached sea cow is there’s “too much baby in the way”. I will have the lure Baby out with walking + pineapple as opposed to getting goodies.

I’m sure Dog + Riley would love long walks with you. It would help make you feel less beachy keen. Well, when Seattle weather isn’t being a butthole.

I can’t wait for our babies!!! The suspense is killing me.

All Adither
14 years ago

I swear I think every third boy has the same name as my son. We’re always turning our heads when we hear some stranger hoot out his name, but they turn out to be calling some other lucky little guy. Oddly, his moniker is not in the top 100. I don’t get it.

angela
angela
14 years ago

Personally, I like all of those names, so I’m gonna go ahead and say “Great name choice!”

Story: Even though my BF and I are atheist, he gave his kids hard core biblical names. If they’ve been around since “Jesus Times,” he figures they’re good enough for him. I have this acquaintance that somehow keeps nosing herself into my life every couple years only to tell me that she doesn’t approve of my non-christian ways. Then she noses in again – after she’s cut off all of her unworthy friends because she’s feeling lonely. Whatevs, it’s my fault for letting her nose in but I guess I just don’t learn.

So, after getting on me AGAIN for not wanting to get married and have kids to “validate” my relationship (even though I’ve been with BF for longer than she has known her husband), she asked about his kids. When I told her the middle child’s name, she laughed and said, “That’s a weird name! What kind of name is that anyway?” When I told her it was biblical, she went deep red. I WIN!

Lawyerish
14 years ago

For some reason I’m thinking Owen for Smalltopus, although when you originally announced that it was a boy I was thinking along the lines of Grayson or Harrison.

Gosh, that sounds creepy, like I spend my days furiously scribbling lists of Sundry’s possible name choices. I can assure you that is not the case.

Meanwhile, one of our top contenders has moved steadily up the girl list, so that’s probably out since I don’t want her to be SameName # 57 in her class. Our other main choice is not even in the top 350 the last I checked, although it’s not terribly weird or anything.

Jan
Jan
14 years ago

I LOVE that you quoted “Firefly”. What a great and underwatched show. Why do they cancel great shows like that? Joss Whedon is a GOD. A GOD, I tell you. Oh, and the baby names are all great. Just don’t name him something common and spell it weird. We teachers hate that.

Ezza
Ezza
14 years ago

I have a girl Riley, 20 months old, and I just keep running into them. Too bad her middle name, Paige, is on the top 50 list too. At least I avoided Mercedes and Portia, my husband’s top choices.

ShannonJ
ShannonJ
14 years ago

Hm, new to the top 100 but in the top 40, I’m doing a Venn diagram and I can’t seem to find any intersection…. hee. Not really. But I can’t figure it out. I’m sure it’s a great one, though. You picked the perfect one for Riley (unisex moniker or not!)

Funny comments from JB. Men are such romantics. My husband uses “get busy” as his description of the Act. For some reason that just doesn’t do it for me. Maybe it’s a subconscious reaction. I’m busy enough.

mixette
mixette
14 years ago

hi all ***delurking*** new year’s resolution!

I have been thinking Owen also.

Sounds good with Riley, and there are no girls named Owen. That reminds me; there was a girl named Murray (WTF?) in my dorm in college.

Sue
Sue
14 years ago

OK- my guesses are Brayden, Landon and Tyler! I CAN’T wait to hear the news!!! Is Emmet the middle name still? I think it goes nicely with all three!
Hang in there! Just under 3 more weeks!!!! WOW!
And does Riley have any idea? And how is the big boy bed going??

Alyson
Alyson
14 years ago

It’s gotta be Owen or Cameron. Both are great, as long as your last name doesn’t begin with an “N”, (ask me how I know). If it’s Owen, consider spelling it Eoin (gallic) or Ioan (welsh).

Ma McFartington
14 years ago

*also de-lurking*
We get to watch Denise Austin for kids 1-2 times a week in the school I work at. She is WAY too peppy at 8am.

Swistle
14 years ago

OH MY GOD, that list is such a SHAM. The real list isn’t released by the Social Security Administration until May. The Baby Center list is just some crap they throw together and make it look official. I HATE THAT LIST!!!

Ahem. I mean, I feel the same about Denise Austin.

Loralee
14 years ago

You are a brave woman.

I am still haunted by a Jane Fonda tape I used in high school. There was country line-dancing in it. PERKY country line-dancing.

Shudder.

P.S.
Good for you and the name. I am still cheesed I gave in and changed the name I wanted for my first born.

Lesley
Lesley
14 years ago

Man do I ADMIRE you! Before I read this entry I was whining inside about the aerobic workout I’m scheduled to do this evening and I’m not preggers. (Whining seems to precede every daily workout I do come to think of it.)

I’ve been getting a little bored with the DVDs I have – and experts say it’s best to vary it up, so two days ago I ordered two The Biggest Loser Workout DVDs from Amazon: The Biggest Loser Workout, Vol. 1 and Cardio Max. The trainers on the show literally kick ass and the DVDs have many hundreds of positive reviews. I figure they’re worth a shot.

lara
14 years ago

Darn I had a dream the other night that you had the baby and named him Quinn Lee. Quinn’s not on the list so I guess I was wrong. I have no idea where Quinn came from, it’s not a name I actively like or dislike…

Also in my dream, I was passed along the message that you were mad at me for not coming to the hospital to visit you yet. I was like “…oh. I mean, ya, I’ll go, sure? I, um, didn’t know I should? I don’t KNOW her…” but yet I was kinda excited and flattered you wanted me to come. I’m such a freakin’ dork.

So I’m sorry I didn’t arrive in time to visit you and “Quinn” and even more sorry since it probably creeps you out that your readers dream about you. I blame the fact that you seem to post near my bed time.

Also! I have no idea who linky guy is but he definitely has a JB vibe. Squint?

(heh. god, sorry again)

Crystal
14 years ago

I love you for quoting Jayne Cobb. :)

ccr in MA
14 years ago

You’re hilarious!

When my cousin was pregnant the first time, they shared the name ahead of time, and she got So Sick of having everyone (especially her MIL) ask how little BabyName was through the rest of her pregnancy that, the next time she was pregnant, they didn’t tell anyone, not a soul, the name they’d chosen. The announcement calls were “The baby’s here and his name is…”

Gillian
14 years ago

84. Peyton!

Heather C
Heather C
14 years ago

I love that there were five rhyming names on that list. FIVE. Aiden, Jayden, Caden, Bayden, and Hayden.

I would hate to be their kindergarten teacher.

Jo
Jo
14 years ago

Yay for business time, was that a Flight of the Conchords reference or am I just a geek? Funny stuff and they’re from New Zealand! – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGOohBytKTU

:)

Meagan
14 years ago

I can eat an entire jar of Clausen pickles without being pregnant…

I’m always amazed at how controversial baby names can be. And more amazed that when people do dare to reveal the name pre-baby, people think they have the right to tell the parents-to-be it’s a stupid name. I don’t blame you for keeping it sealed until baby day.

I am totally ashamed of myself for missing the firefly reference until someone pointed it out. I knew it sounded familiar! And I love that show… *hangs head*

melissa
melissa
14 years ago

After checking out the list, I FINALLY have some validation for naming my daughter Addison 18 years ago after receiving so much flack from family and friends. I guess I am a name seer! I emailed the article to my parents and said…”not so much a weird boy name now is it??? huh?”

jonniker
14 years ago

I’m going to publicly go on record by saying I think it’s Owen. Which I love. But if it’s not Owen, it’s totally cool, but is it fun guessing? OH YES IT IS.

Josh
Josh
14 years ago

Hell yeah! Number eighteen motha fuckas! I’m wicked popular. Unfortunately for me it’s some sort of shit-for-brains list that somehow put Aiden, Jayden, and Caden in the top five together. What the hell? And I’m guessing Ethan, which is a mighty cool name, although not as cool as Luke, which I originally suggested for Tiny, but probably was ignored about. You’ll all see. One day I might even have offspring and name it Luke. And mine will be so kick ass that you will wish you had named your offspring Luke so it would seem cool vicariously.

And “bidness time”? Really JB? What are you, Turk from Scrubs? Muhdik was way more sophisticated.

Oh also, this might never come up since the woman in question will probably long forgotten by the time Riley is hitting puberty, but he shares a first name with an adult film star. Excuse me, adult film “star”. I think I would be weirded out if there was an adult entertainer chick with my name. Actually, I’d better google search that to make sure there isn’t. Although it’s unlikely.

clarabella
clarabella
14 years ago

damn, and I had totally decided it MUST be Owen. Oh well, I have other guesses . . . I shall keep them to myself.

Sassy
Sassy
14 years ago

I’ve been trying to get all preggers people I know expecting boys, since I’m not breeding any time soon, to name the child Brayden (Braden, Braeden, etc.). It’s my 2nd favorite on that list, the first I’m keeping just in case. Yay!

mia
mia
14 years ago

oliver

kriseliz35
kriseliz35
14 years ago

Damn I thought it was Owen too! Us Sundry readers must think alike. Second guess is Landon so I still have a shot.

Nik
Nik
14 years ago

I have a Denise Austin Pilates book that begs to be defaced because there are marketing-speak call-outs on every other page. I thought it was some graphic designer’s lame way of making the book “peppy”, but you tell me she just says these things? In real life? Puke.
I’ve gotten a lot of good out of the book, however. Probably more good conversation than exercise, though. The guys all agree that she’s not attractive because she seems so plastic and remote. I think that either the men I know kiss my butt or Kim’s husband wasn’t up to much other than idle curiosity.

Tess
Tess
14 years ago

My first guess would be Gavin
My second guess is Elijiah

But any of those names are great, good luck to you and JB!

Donna
Donna
14 years ago

Connor. Connor and Riley. Yeah, thats it.

Emblita
14 years ago

Ha ha Love the Jayne quote! Firefly rocks and yes, Josh Whedon is a God!

I thought most of the names on the list were passable enough but Brayden makes me think of something donkey’s do. (braying that is, get your minds out of the gutter peoples). But that might just be my silly self. Whatever name you choose will work for the little guy.

books
14 years ago

Holy God, that crap fake, redneck, made up “Nevaeh” (it’s ‘heaven’ backwards, don’t’cha know?) has cracked the top 100. Blech; I feel dirty now. And worried about what this says about our country.

superblondgirl
14 years ago

I have two Denise Austin videos out from the library now, because her workouts are good, but her EYES… Jesus, they are scary. They’re so big and she uses extreme amounts of eyeliner to enbiggen them more and then she stares at you… The dog-like talk is annoying, too. She keeps saying “feel the effects of YOGA” and pimping the video, like I’m still not sure about using it even though I’m already halfway done. Shut up, Denise!!!
Plus my husband stares and comments at the one hot chick contorting in the background and distracts the hell out of me.

Melissa
Melissa
14 years ago

I was thinking Owen too but they are lots of great names on that list. Looking forward to the big announcement! But not too soon – I’m pulling for that relaxing week you want. Glad the yoga worked for you because I know how hard it is to sleep at this point. Denise Austin is nuts but it’s worth it for the sleep! :)

Ann
Ann
14 years ago

Cindy Crawford has a post-baby work out video with a low Annoying-Supermodel factor. She (and trainer) stresses that just after the baby is born, don’t work out at all, then start with workout 1, then 2, then 3, etc. Not shabby.

Cara
Cara
14 years ago

I just have to say that I admire you for wearing any type of hosiery at this stage in your pregnancy. I don’t wear pantyhose at all unless I HAVE to. (West Texas weather and all)
Anyhow, on the name front I can’t say much since my kids are Jeassalynne MacKenzye, made up in a fit of anger, and Ryan Matthew, named by my best friend, since ALL the ultrasounds were misread.
Good luck w/the next few weeks.

Jeanette
14 years ago

LOL And I think the name is Christopher.

kendra!
14 years ago

Denis Austin can be a little wingnutty, but her thighs are so amazing looking. She must be doing something right.

Jennifer
Jennifer
14 years ago

Longtime reader (you are the first site I go to, you are totally awesome, ahem) delurking to send an ‘amen’ to exercise when you think you can’t at the end of pregnancy. I had my own sciatic/jimmy leg issues during pregnancy. My dad says the jimmy leg is due to iron deficiency, fwiw. (He’s a doctor.) Swimming was the thing — the only way I felt weightless, and did wonders to get rid of all that crap. The first day I did it I didn’t think I could get up at all; when I got back I took the stairs two at a time. Seriously.

Oh, and being a Jennifer married to a Jason, I say choose the name you love and to hell with the lists. I didn’t mind being Jennifer #57 so much.

Joanne
14 years ago

I got the gestational diabetes in week 28 or whenever they discover it and started doing a walking workout – they have them on my cable Exercise on Demand channel, so I would just do 2 miles in 30 minutes. I was so scared to start exercising because I had such pain just getting around, from pelvic dysplasia (sp) but it went really well and while I didn’t have *less* pain, I didn’t have *more*. Also? I had my baby on Friday and I cannot *believe* how great I have felt after this c-section. I’m sure some of it is because I didn’t go through labor and have an emergency c-section but still, I am going to go ahead and attribute some of the greatness of the recovery to all the exercise I did at the end of my pregnancy. So you go on with your bad exercising self.

Also my son’s name appeared on the top 20 list the year he was born too and I had never seen it on any list before then. What can you do?