Good lord, it’s been a busy week. I’ve been at work, home with the kids, then back to work again; I’ve been dragging children to pediatrician appointments and changing diapers and writing website copy and answering email and trying to meet freelance obligations and staring at the enormous amounts of housework that needs to be tackled with a stifling sense of despair and throwing together half-assed meals and playing with LEGOs and there has hardly been any time for bad television.

(Oh my god were Cat Deeley’s nipples on half-dollar-sized, oh-so-prominent display in that black dress during last night’s SYTYCD or was it just ME?)

I forced myself to go running tonight and I am pleased to report I am getting marginally better at it. Instead of stopping every three minutes in order to walk, wheeze, and fight back the urge to projectile vomit, I only have to slow down a couple times during my outing. I have no idea how far I’m going, but it takes me about 40 minutes to complete the loop, including warmup. I am moving at a very slow pace as evidenced by my experimental trotting on a treadmill at the gym recently (I had it in my head that a 10-minute mile is practically standing still, and hell, maybe it is, but running with the machine at that setting was PLENTY BRISK), and I am surely not prepared to take on anything with the letter K at the end of it, but incremental improvements are being made.

I need to find some better running gear, though, because things that work just fine for regular gym activities or DVD workouts or whatever seem fraught with challenges once I’m engaged in the violently jiggly act of running. My shorts somehow fall down my hips and cram themselves up my ass at the same time, my underwear creeps around to all sorts of problematic areas, my iPod cord works itself loose from my shirt and flies around my face, my sports bra rides up, and individual hairs (ah, from my head) lay themselves firmly across the surfaces of my eyeballs. Annoyances, all of them, and it makes the act of deliberately torturing yourself for the sake of physical fitness all the more, well, tortuous.

While I was puffing along, batting wildly at my shorts/underwear/bra/iPod/hair/etc, a seedy-looking guy drove past me and peered out the open window of his truck to take a careful look, and I actually saw him completely dismiss me as unworthy of one solitary leer. It made me realize — and this is kind of goofy to admit and is going to sound like I am fishing for compliments and you will just have to believe me when I say I’m not — but it made me realize that it’s been, um, FOREVER since I’ve seen a guy Check Me Out. Like, hey there’s a marginally hot chick over there, I think I’ll rudely stare her down for a second as I go by. Okay, I’m not saying I MISS it, exactly, but it does make a person wonder just how matronly and frumpy they have become, you know what I mean?

(JB is going to read this and be all, what do you care about other guys checking you out when I have SO MUCH BEEF JERKY FOR YOU, and listen, it’s not about that, it’s about feeling a little like any mojo I had left got sealed up in a wet, smelly diaper bag and tossed to the curb.)

Anyway, I need to get back to my Regularly Scheduled Craziness (blogs to write! Laundry to ignore! SYTYCD results to watch!), but I’ll leave you with a little Thursday joyousness:

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biscuit
biscuit
14 years ago

I think you’re a hottie. I would totally do you if I had beef jerky.

I wear painted on tight ADIDAS clima cool capris when I jog, loose booty/thigh meat stays in place! I also put the earphone cords UNDER my shirt so the wire doesn’t flap around.

julie
julie
14 years ago

Welcome home!

Delia
Delia
14 years ago

How about when you’re thinking you’re the shit and then you realize that the guy is actually checking out your 16 year old daughter? That’s a bad day.

texas girl
texas girl
14 years ago

The older you get, the less the “checking out” gets, and it hurts and it doesn’t get easier to accept.

Lesley
Lesley
14 years ago

Yeah, that guy checking us out thing is a mixed bag isn’t it. But let’s face it, as a collective, if there is such a thing, we probably don’t mind if the seedy ones stop looking. The George Clooneys are welcome to keep checking in (or whatever is your fancy…)

As per Delia’s comment, I can’t tell you how creeped out I get when I see adult men checking out young girls. It’s one thing to be the young girl (because you don’t know shit about men when you’re 14) but when you’re grown up and have a clue it makes you want to kickbox those guys to the curb.

Anyhoo, very glad to see an update and explosively cute Dylan pic. What’s worked for me in the past running-wise has been light track pants and breathable baggy t-shirts. You can find these in stores that specialize in running gear. Also a small fanny pack that can hold keys and the IPOD gear and keep the cord reasonably belted in. I also preferred running on a quarter mile circular track near a local high school, not the sidewalks or roads. It just felt more private and I could measure the distance covered pretty well. (Also, I totally felt like a dork when running because of the gasping and huffing and puffing and cursing my inadequacies etc.)

Elizabeth
14 years ago

Holy crap is that a cute baby.

Apropos of nothing, there is nothing more annoying in the world than having your hair tickle your face while running – I employ a strategic system of 50,000 barrettes and it seems to do the job.

I left my wedding band at home the other day (accidentally) and the Trader Joes guy practically dry humped me in the check out lane. It was creepy, and yet oddly flattering.

But seriously, I look pretty hideous when I’m running. I can’t imagine anyone on earth wanting to check that shit out. Somehow, though, I’m strangely proud of the inadvertant “run ugly” stance I seem to have taken up.

cassandra
cassandra
14 years ago

Are you kidding me?

Did you see the pictures of you in the bikini?

cat
cat
14 years ago

I finally realized just last year that I can in fact run for more than 2 minutes without it resulting in full cardiac arrest. Once I stopped panicking about the whole being-able-to-breathe thing, I too started to notice the shorts/underwear/ipod/hair issues.

Some solutions that I have embraced are: a running skirt (it looks so girly and not at all serious but the combination bike shorts and skirt layer means I never have to reach into my crotch to keep things decent and comfortable again) and a viser hat/ponytail combo which keeps hair of my face and solves the sweaty sunglass problem too.

Oh, and be careful running with your iPod. Anything with a screen actually involves a hard drive (which according to the tech guy makes it like running with your laptop). I bought one of those little ipod clip thingys. Works great and if it rains I don’t freak out. Plus being able to clip it on helps with the ipod issues.

You are getting ogled by the best guys possible – Dylan and Riley.

justmouse
14 years ago

biscuit: LOL! best comment Ever!!

i have no running tips…as i don’t run. basically, i am zombie bait.

i got totally checked out, hit on, AND groped on monday…of course, it was by my husband. good thing i think he’s cute ;)

serror
serror
14 years ago

Second the ipod cord under the shirt, unless your running shirt is fitted. Works well with my baggy t shirts. I also have a shuffle (clipy ipod) which are available for like 50 bucks and great for running.

Either a pair of running shorts with built in undies (sounds weird but works some how)or the tighter running pants that are mentioned above.

I also just throw on a bandana plus pony tail to keep my hair outta my face.

Zelda
Zelda
14 years ago

I have absolutely nothing to add to this conversation, as I’m in the first week of trying this running thing. I spend all the time I’m not struggling for breath pulling strands of hair out of my teeth and dislodging the Ipod cord out of my sweaty, heaving cleavage. How *does* the cord get wrapped entirely around one boob? It is a mystery.

I mainly delurked to show you this: http://www.designtoscano.com/product/garden+statues/fantasy+statues/assorted+creatures+outdoors/the+zombie+of+montclaire+moors+sculpture+-+db383020.do
Sorry for the massive link.

Anonymous
Anonymous
14 years ago

I check you out all the time. Actually your belly growth pictures are what brought me to the site. I saw one in a google image search and I was like, damn she’s pretty cute. ;)

april
14 years ago

thanks for the early morning giggle! ;)

Eric's Mommy
Eric's Mommy
14 years ago

Oh, I just want to nibble those little cheeks!

By the way you are NOT matronly and frumpy!

Ang
Ang
14 years ago

Hi, love the pics!!

De-lurking to tell you about http://www.titlenine.com – they rate their bras with barbells – more barbells = less bounce. I’m not running currently but still have a bra I wear – and you definitely DO NOT move in these bras. Expensive but worth it!

mandy
14 years ago

Eric’s Mommy: That totally sounded like you were talking to Linda-HA.

Woman, you are smokin’ hot, that guy was just into dudes-that’s all.
I am so, totally motivated by your running I may just have to give it a try one day. I have no suggestions on anything though. Other than, a roll of duct tape could totally fix every problem you mentioned, and by the time you are done you should be sweaty enough for it to come off easily.

Claire
14 years ago

You should invest in Under Armor. It’s the best stuff for working out because it doesn’t ride up and in terms of the shorts, (for under your regular shorts of course) it glides along easily. It’s a tad expensive but well worth it.

Erin
14 years ago

Nike makes a most EXCELLENT running short. Go and get a couple pairs. Makes a WORLD of difference. Also, get on over to a running store and ask them for bra recommendations. A little more than the bras that suffice from, say, a Target, but again, WORTH IT.

Last, clip your iPod to your shorts and then run the cords up through your shirt.

You, my dear, rock. Walking is no big thing whatsoever. Seriously.

Kristen
Kristen
14 years ago

Get yourself those Nike shorts that Whoorl recommended… and an Enell bra… it rocks…. :)

Frank
Frank
14 years ago

I don’t know that guy in the truck was thinking, you’re totally worth checking out!

foodmomiac
14 years ago

I think the guy in the truck was gay.

Lululemon underwear seems to work pretty well for me when exercising.

el-e-e
14 years ago

Okay, you’ve had apples implanted in Dylan’s cheeks, right?? CHOMP CHOMP!! What a cutie!

Swistle
14 years ago

OMG ROSY CHEEKS.

Christina
14 years ago

I like Activa for running clothes. The have shorts with (tight) built in shorts, keeps the underware in place. My biggest problems are bras and socks, i blister like a mo’fo!
On Cat D. Nipples aside, doesnt she look like she ran right into a closed sliding glass door 8 or 10 times? Her nose almost goes around the corner.

Eric's Mommy
Eric's Mommy
14 years ago

Just to clarify, I want to nibble Dylan’s cheeks, not yours Linda, although your cheeks are very cute too. :)

superblondgirl
14 years ago

I am pretending to pinch and snorfle those cheeks through the internet- they are so cute and red they don’t even look REAL, he’s like a perfect little baby doll. Teh cutness, it killz me.
And I feel the same way about the leering – it’s not that you actually want gross dudes looking at you, but at the same time it does sort of make you feel “aha! I still got it!” and spend the rest of the day with a little swagger in your step and a proudness of your chestal area.

Angella
14 years ago

I hear you on the looky-loo…a girl likes to feel like someone besides her hubby finds her hot. He HAS to – strangers don’t.

I would seriously pinch those baby cheeks if I could reach through my laptop.

Christine
14 years ago

Oh you just get yourself to a nice shady part of town and see how many compliments you rack up. I don’t think my confidence was ever higher than in law school (in the once most dangerous city in America! wooh!)where homeless men would call me pretty baby when my hair was tied in a frizzy loose bun and I was wearing one of those quilted monstrosity of a coats in the snow.

Erin
14 years ago

TOO gosh-darn cute!

For the hair problem I suggest getting some of those stay put headbands (I think Goody makes them) and that should keep things somewhat out of your eyes.

And I’m glad to see that I’m not the only one who watches SYTYCD… I am in a serious depression now that Will got voted off!

Michelle
Michelle
14 years ago

I’ll just agree with about everything others have already suggested. Running shorts rock – try on a few different brands at a local running store (or a chain sports store, but I usually like to support the local running store) to see which you like best. I find I usually can never go wrong with Nike or New Balance.

As far as the ipod cord goes, I run with a nano so the ipod is around my bicep – this makes it easy to either stuff extra cord under the arm band, or snake it up through my sleeve and under my sports bra strap. Stays in place and gets caught in my hands MINIMAL times :)

Congrats on the running regime! Keep it up! Its worth it!

PS_

Michelle
Michelle
14 years ago

I’ll just agree with about everything others have already suggested. Running shorts rock – try on a few different brands at a local running store (or a chain sports store, but I usually like to support the local running store) to see which you like best. I find I usually can never go wrong with Nike or New Balance.

As far as the ipod cord goes, I run with a nano so the ipod is around my bicep – this makes it easy to either stuff extra cord under the arm band, or snake it up through my sleeve and under my sports bra strap. Stays in place and gets caught in my hands MINIMAL times :)

Congrats on the running regime! Keep it up! Its worth it!

PS- your children are adorable!

Chrissy
Chrissy
14 years ago

Hind running shorts! They’re very comfy, and keep the whole sliding down/riding up/ass-cramming dance to a minimum most of the time. Plus they come in fun colors, which often motivates to run more than I should really admit. Also, go to Latin America, and you’ll come back with a permanent shudder from the constant heeby jeebies that plague you on a simple walk down the street when leers are verbalized, loud and creeeeeptastic. Then you won’t want to get checked out. Ever. At least for a little while.

warcrygirl
14 years ago

JOY!!! And you aren’t the only one ignoring the laundry. It’s like I’m expecting house elves to do it, or something.

samantha up campen
14 years ago

I totally know what you mean about getting checked out. Yes we love our husbands and they love us, blah blah blah. But it’s nice to have our hottness confirmed by an outside source once in a while. I got checked out by a high school lacrosse team two months after having the baby and I swear to you, it was one of the best days of my life. And I only bring this up because I don’t jog–and if I did I’d be in a coma afterwards with no helpful advice to give anyway.

Tessie
14 years ago

Even though the thought of running shorts (no undies needed!) may sort of make you want to DIE, and if so I totally understand, I have to agree with the people who recommended them, particularly the Nike brand. It really does make a difference.

Also, for the little hairs in the face, I like to run with a doo-rag on (SHUT! UP!). Kind of miserable in the summer, but it keeps hair TOTALLY out of your face. Also: FUNKY!

All Adither
14 years ago

I know that feeling. It’s a rarity when any guy checks me out anymore. I have noticed that the ones giving me the eye tend to be closer to 50 than 30 though.

whoorl
14 years ago

WAIT! I CAN HELP! (Maybe. I don’t know, maybe.)

I tried on tons of shit for running and wrote about it twice. (BTW, you are going to have to lose the underwear and wear real running shorts. I promise they are not as scary as you imagine. It’s like FREEDOM! IN YOUR PANTS!)

http://whoorl.com/archives/389

http://whoorl.com/archives/387

And great reader suggestions here:

http://whoorl.com/archives/386#comments

Okay, I’m done. I swear.

Jen
Jen
14 years ago

That baby is soooo handsome he is PRETTY! I could just steal him! And I know you are not fishing for compliments but seriously, you are smokin’. I loved those pictures from your vacation. You looked so relaxed and healthy and, well, HOT!

Amanda
14 years ago

NOM NOM NOM. Baby cheeks!

I never get checked out either. Judging by how young some of the women (girls) are that I see my husband noticing (for which I do not judge him – so many girls dress like whores these days, it’s hard not to notice. Shit, even I notice), it’s got more to do with our age than anything else. In any case, you are seriously hot. I don’t even KNOW you and I’m proud of how hard you’ve worked for your body.

And yes, I TOTALLY saw Cat Deeley’s nips too. And here I thought she was so innocent!

Jolie
14 years ago

Not that you NEED any more advice, but I second (triple? quadruple?) the advice on shorts with built in underwear. it sounds and might feel sort of weird, but as a former track/cross country runner, it actually feels much better down there, lol. less crumply cotton all up in your bizness and more breeze. if you’re not okay with that, I like to wear boy cut underwear that has small elastic around the legs so that they stay put and don’t crawl past my cheeks and into the unknown.

I like to use all sorts of awkward headbands when I run. I used to shy away from those thin elastic bands that hold your hair out of your face, but if you find some that don’t suffocate your head, they work really well and keep all the hair away. Or, just a chunky headband works too.

And dude. Seriously. You have never looked so good. We all look narfy when we run so blow Mr. Too Good off. Besides, the best men are not the ones to make sick, oogly looks and comments to women.

Chris
14 years ago

I didn’t even have to scroll down before I started smiling. That baby has the smiliest eyes and just epitomizes what rosy cheeks are :-) He is precious.

victoria
victoria
14 years ago

Enell sports bra. It is Da Bomb for the well endowed lady. Also it is one of the very few running bras that fastens up the front. Also some kind of lycra shorts/tights instead of regular shorts because yeah, anything that can move around will chafe.

Also — I am most definitely NOT hot. I’m now 43, overweight, and was never particularly good looking even at my youngest & skinniest. But in the last few weeks, no fewer than THREE guys have tried to pick me up. I was all, WTF??? Then I realized that it happened when I made eye contact and smiled at people.

So, uh, yeah. I don’t know what the moral of that story was. Maybe, “Pretty is as pretty does”? Or, uh, maybe, “Men are totally random and there’s no point in trying to figure them out.”

Dawn
Dawn
14 years ago

I think the look you caught was actually, “There’s no way in HELL that babe is in my league.” And holy shit Dylan just keeps getting cuter.

Dawn
Dawn
14 years ago

(to clarify as I now see my awkward wording…) He knew he didn’t stand a chance in hell with you.

Lina
14 years ago

First up, your kids make my ovaries ache. If my bf knew, he’d ban me from your site… :-)

Secondly, let me echo the title nine sports bras, they totally rock for those of us who just need the boobs to STAY PUT for the love of GOD. For shorts, go here:

http://www.roadrunnersports.com/

Get thee the Nike Tempo shorts. The end. (And I know this will sound crazy, but seriously ditch the underwear. Wedgy while running would make me insane. The Nike shorts have little built in panty type things.)

Finally I always run with a halo of bobby pins holding my bangs and little flyaways back. I look ridiculous but I’m not swatting at my head every three steps.

Ok, comment over. Sorry for the length…

Meg
Meg
14 years ago

If you want to figure out how far you are going, http://www.mapmyrun.com is a great site for it. It was a lifesaver when I was doing couch to 5k.

Also, that picture of Dylan? I died of the cuteness.

Donna
Donna
14 years ago

Dude, the only reason he looked at you and then looked away is cuz once he looked, he realized that you could totally kick his ass.
I don’t run, unless someone is chasing me, this is why I go strapped like JB, you didn’t think any of us noticed the gun did you? (We trained professionals are supposed to notice stuff like that, or something.) So anyway, no help with the jiggly dept.
And Delia, oh yeah, very very bad day!

schmutzie
14 years ago
Lauren
14 years ago

It’s kinda dorky stuff, but check out scottevest products for running. My husband is a runner and he has the shirts and loves them! They have special pockets for your phone, keys, etc. and then a special get up for your iPod with little loops that hold the earbuds in place.

Good luck! And just for the record, this internet stranger thinks you are pretty hot! :)

Andrea
14 years ago

I know what you mean about the leers. I was walking with a very pretty friend from work, and some construction workers (cliché, I know) drove by and leered, but made sure to point it out that the leer was directed at HER. Not at me. It made me want to go home and eat an entire pizza myself, which is actually what made me this frumpalicious to begin with, so I refrained. Barely.

I heard a hint from a runner to try to put your iPod cord down your back, whether through your shirt or not, but at least it’s not hitting your chin. Don’t know what to tell you about the shorts and hair and bra and all that. Because, ha! I haven’t worked out in any regular way for about two years. However, I plan on changing that in short order.