Aug
10
This weekend I went to a triathlon training class and as I mentioned before I had some apprehensions ahead of time about the open water part. Well, I had “some” apprehensions until I read Jenny’s comment and when I got to this: “My swimming in open water fear is that I am going to brush limbs with a corpse that someone has murdered and dumped into the water and that my motions will cause it to look at me . . .” I think it’s safe to say I had a “massive amount” of apprehension, like a Do They Make a Swim Diaper For Adults level of apprehension, because holy jesus, I can imagine that scenario with HIGH DEFINITION CLARITY. Like that scene in the Abyss where they’re exploring that sunken submarine and that one dead body sort of floats into view and a goddamned crab crawls out of his open dead mouth BLAAAAAHHHHRRGGH.
Anyway, it turns out that the section of Lake Washington off Madrona Park we were swimming in contained no sharks, submerged watercraft, or softly rotting corpses, but there was an awful lot of what everyone referred to as “milfoil”, which is, as far as I’m concerned, a fancy name for “creepy-ass seaweed”. I don’t know what it is about underwater plant life, but I am not a fan. I don’t like touching it, I don’t like seeing it, I don’t like knowing it’s sitting down there all slimy and swaying back and forth and just . . . lurking, possibly hiding things like fish and zombies and who knows what all.
The worst was when we swam out around the dock and the milfoil was visible below but the water was deeper, so looking down through my goggles I could see a forest of it several feet below me. REACHING UP OH MY GOD. Or maybe the worst was when we were swimming in the more shallow areas and it actually tangled in my arms like it was trying to pull me down and digest me, I’m not sure.
I kind of got over the Plant Fear once they had us do a simulated race start, because I was far too distracted by the unique experience of trying to swim in a group of a hundred or so people. I can barely swim as is, and it was definitely scary to be in a thrashing environment of waves, kicking legs, and flailing arms. I instantly inhaled half the lake up my nose and forgot everything I’ve learned about form and breathing, and we were all supposed to swim about 350 yards out to a buoy and back and oh my god it looked SO FAR. The clinic had loaner wetsuits and I was wearing one with full sleeves, which helped with my buoyancy, but it was really hard to move my arms and I felt panicked and exhausted almost immediately. I kept alternating between a weak freestyle and a frantic dog paddle, my goggles got all fogged up and gave me a claustrophobic feeling, and for most of the swim I could not regulate my breathing and more than once I flipped onto my back just to hyperventilate and try to calm down. Towards the last 50 yards or so I managed to get my shit back together and stop behaving like a harpooned seal and stroke my way back to shore, and at that point I was thrilled to see that stupid milfoil because it meant I was almost there, thank GOD.
Not my finest moment, but I’m glad I did it, because 1) I have a better idea of what to expect in the triathlon now, and 2) I may have felt like a complete clusterfuck out there but I didn’t give up and turn around (even though I wanted to so, so bad) and I finished somewhere in the middle or final third of the crowd. My goal for this race is simply to finish it in one piece, not beat some particular time, but no one wants to be last, you know?
I was also happy to see that I’m not the only one wigged out by the swimming component of the race. During one of the presentations a trainer asked the crowd if there were any reasons we could think of that could cause panic during the swim, and I murmured, “Is there any reason NOT to panic?” and several nearby women chuckled appreciatively and then we had a lively discussion about seaweed zombies.
Every week, lately, I’ve been doing something that scares me: swimming, running after biking, signing up for intimidating-sounding classes, wearing sausage-tight clothing that displays every detail of the topography of my ass. I keep thinking how this race has grown to represent something much bigger to me than the sum of its parts. How five years ago, I would never have been able to believe my life today. And where I want to be, in five more years.
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Lady. I’ve done a triathlon, and swam in open water, and NEVER had that thought but oh my God I am now.
I could almost kick my paranoid self for not thinking of that possibility.
You’re an even bigger bad ass for overcoming THAT kind of mental picture. You’re a rock star, my friend.
You are so brave. I would never have the guts to do what you are doing. Way to go!
Awesome, now I can add fear of DEAD BODIES to my fear of open-water-swimming. The worst is that on land you can RUN AWAY from things, but in the water panic seems to make it impossible to get away, and I can be kicking and flailing to get away from the seaweed/fish/shark/dead body and I move like three inches an hour and the seaweed/fish/shark/dead body keeps right up with me and I can’t get away I HATE THAT.
I was happy only being afraid of a fish swimming into me and cutting me with fins (happened when I was seven OMG THE BLOOD). Oh, and being afraid of Motherfucking LEACHES between my TOES, which has also happened to me several times, and now I think I need to go spend some time contemplating puppies and rainbows or something because I am grossing myself the fuck OUT.
(Did I mention water snakes? Those devil-creatures can MOVE and…I need to stop now.)
Keep up the good work. I did a triathalon (relay style) for my 30th birthday. I did the swimming portion because that is what I’m good at…but it was in the Sacramento River and ooh, ick, trees, fish and who knows what. I think the creep factor contributed to my faster than anticipated time! Maybe next you can start scuba diving! Way better than swimming in open water because you can see everything you’re in the water with and not just imagine it!
By the way…there is anti-fog stuff for your goggles, but if it doesn’t work, spit does! I know, gross, but in a pinch it’s better than nothing.
Oh, also? Besides the gross water fears? You and your bad-ass trying-hard-things-you-thought-you-couldn’t-do has inspired me (INSPIRED) to try running again, as soon as it is not 90 degrees with pea-soup humidity (likely Wednesday). Hopefully I will not die.
I want to be you when I grow up.
Good for you, Linda!
I was thinking of you the other day, I decided to sign up for a 5k (after reading Fat Skinny’s blog post “Everyone hates running…do it anyway”) and I was almost wondering the same thing you just stated in your last thought….I bet just in the recent past you would have never thought you could come so far…in terms of being so fit, being such a great mom and so sucessful in your blogging and career.
Its very motivating to “see” someone else go through life and succeed…it helps you realize that everyone has been there – mired in doubt and frustration, and if they can do it you can do it too…if you put your mind to it.
Good luck in the triathalon. :-)
Dude. If you find seaweed unnerving, then I recommend that you never snorkel in a mangrove swamp. We had to get out of the boat and immediately horizontal in very shallow water, because there are upside-down jellyfish lining the bottom, and if you stir them up, you get stung. That was one of the least pleasant things I’ve ever done. I also had a brief enounter with a barracuda that day. Not a fan of mangrove swamps…
This is awesome. I’ve been wondering, when did the whole “athletic and eats healthy food” thing kick in for you? I’ve read oler posts (pre Riley) and know that you haven’t always been so active fitness-focused. I’m wondering when it will click for me…
Very impressive (the not giving up part), and any time you want a bike riding partner, I’m happy to go ’round Lake Washington with you. The route is tricky through Hellevue, but not as hard as you’d think.
Wow, good for you. I love open water swimming (but lakes freak me out!) but I think what you are doing is so awesome. Go you!!
Ha, you described my fear of underwater plants EXACTLY. Thank you so much for putting it into words. And your swim very closely mirrors my experience in the two tris I’ve done, with the flailing and the foggy goggles and the back-floating and the insanely fast onset of fatigue. Whew. It’s awesome to have done it, though, isn’t it?
And . . . well, I do have an underwater corpse story, but I’ll just not tell it to you. Really, underwater corpses almost never happen.
Damn girl, you just articulated my fear of open water – I’m scared of the damn underwater boards on video games.
You’ve simultaneously made me never want to participate in a triathlon, and also kind of want to cave into the pressure of doing one with my triathlete friend… But eww, seaweed. Maybe it wants to eat me, like everything else in aquatic environments.
“My swimming in open water fear is that I am going to brush limbs with a corpse that someone has murdered and dumped into the water and that my motions will cause it to look at me . . .”
WORD.
I laughed a big, surprised “BAHhahaha!” at that because for real? That’s exactly why I don’t like swimming in open water.
I love the way you conquer your fears head-on. It’s a really admirable quality. You inspire me to think about what self-imposed fears are limiting me. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.
You are my hero and I don’t even know you. Keep up the good work and remember if you don’t look at the corpse underwater it isn’t actually there.
(by the way shark week was on and Good Lord the teeth!)
Linda, you’re so damn right it’s stupid. I can vividly remember a point in my life when my cardiologist told me I’d never be healthy enough to run for more than 30 minutes* and Believing It, and I remember thinking to myself years later “Oh my god if I could just do that sprint triathlon I might not be sick anymore. I might be able to feel Normal.” The race wasn’t the point, it was the sequence of events from thinking “There’s no way” to “Hmmm, maybe” to “Should I buy a bike? Try learning to swim? OMG run AFTER the bike??” and meeting all those little milestones that truly changed my life in small, tiny ways that spun into a full worldview paradigm shift.
Last week I registered for my second Ironman Triathlon. (In CdA, Idaho! Come watch! IM spectating is world of it’s own) Me from 5 years ago never would have even spoken to me of present day; she would have been too intimidated and thought me mildly insane. I’m so fricken proud of the things I’ve accomplished, the person I’ve become, and the friends I’ve made along the way. There are so many reasons to not start (and having race pictures taken of you IN SPANDEX is like, just the top of the list), but the little changes that take place in your mind as you start down this path makes for one helluva transformation. It’s totally awesome. And it’s so great to watch you start down this path. Thanks for sharing it with us. It reminds me why I got started in the first place.
(* Doc was correct back then, but some simple heart surgery fixed me right up. I finished my first IM almost exactly three years after heart surgery, and sent my Doc my finishers pic. Never say never, right? Right.)
Even though this post was sort of terrifying in a way (OMG SEAWEED ZOMBIES AIEEEEE), it was also really inspiring. Best of luck to you, Linda!
Just did my first triathlon on Aug. 1. The swim freaked me out. Despite training in open water, I had a little mini panic attack once I hit the water on race day. The only corpse I was thinking about was my own. :) It was an ugly 500 meter crawl. 15 minutes later I made it out and a few minutes later I was on my bike. It will never be that bad again. I’m doing my second tri on Sept. 12th, still not looking forward to the swim, but I know I can do it now, no matter how ugly and how long it takes.
Hon, you weigh 125 lbs (therefore, unless you’re shorter than 5’3″, the bulges you detect are imaginary!). If YOU can’t wear skin-tight anything, that does not bode well for the rest of us. Please, just embrace the results of the work you’ve done. We need more women who love their bodies, esp ones who work so hard at it!
Linda you are so damn funny. Also? Inspiring. I’ve done the running and biking portion of a triathlon (and sent a fearless friend in to do the open water swim business) but dammit if you haven’t made me think that wow, I should try for the whole kitten caboodle. Awesome!
Kitten caboodle? Kit-n-caboodle? No idea. Whole “tri” part of the “triathlon.”
You go girl. I’m with you on the creepy water vegetation, though corpses don’t really make my list when I get creeped out in the water. I’m more freaked out on land, anyway, by the thought that I could trip over my own damn feet and embarrass myself in front of everyone. I could absolutely manage that.
“How five years ago, I would never have been able to believe my life today. ”
I had to answer a question about my biggest goal for the next five to ten years (for an INTERVIEW, OMG, what?) and that’s really a hard question. Because as you say — me five years ago wouldn’t have thought I’d be where I am now, and me five years from now — well, who knows what the next five years will bring? That’s a long time and a lot of seaweed zombies to (possibly) contend with.
You’re doing so great!
Go you!
Never going in open water again thanks to you and all the other commenters!! ;-)
Actually, when I did my open water diver certification, we dove in a quarry lake that has MASSIVE catfish swimming all around, some of whom were albinos!!
I’m crereping myself out now.
But congrats to you on what you’ve accomplished! So. Awesome.
For the actual tri, a full length wetsuit without sleeves might be more comfortable for you. Unless the water is absolutely freezing? I felt just as buoyant but less claustrophobic with my arms free. Easier and faster to get it off while wet, too!
Ahhh… I hate underwater plant life too! SO GROSS!
I’m very impressed by your mad skillz with the Triathalon training! I’ve been super bored lately (I’m currently on the job hunt, thus am spending lots of time sitting around doing nothing)… this post is inspiring me to maybe get outside and exercise a bit to alleviate said boredom. It’s a good cure!
IF it doesn’t kill me.
Also: never thought of the Dead Bodies thing! But I will NOW.
You give me hope.
You are on an amazing journey!! I’m in awe of you!!! Great job just getting out there!! Next time you won’t freak so much :D
When I think of swimming in open water I picture that woman from What Lies Beneath floating towards the surface all passive and then when she gets close enough reaching up with her arms and suddenly looking straight at you with a majorly pissed off scowl of vengeance.
ohmygod. I have always been midly claustrophobic and panicky underwater. NOW I ALMOST PEED MYSELF JUST THINKING ABOUT ALL THE BAD THINGS JUST FROM YOUR IMAGINATION. thanks. thanks a wholeeee lot.
but on another note, you friggin rock for doing things that scare you. I could attempt to copy, but I don’t really feel like having an underwater kung fu fight with anything you talked about in this post. or have a black widow spider anywhere on my body (really the only other thing that scares me). so… idk. maybe not. :)
Maybe mille-feuille?
Way to go! Your willingness to tackle fitness challenges and report back with such brutal honesty is a big inspiration- so are your kick-ass pics! As a result of reading your blog, I’m on day 6 of the 30 DS. Jillian is ripping my lungs out of my chest on a daily basis and I’ve got a lot more work to do than can be completed in 30 days, but it feels damn good. Thanks for sharing your story with us.
Could not stop thinking about that Creepshow movie when Ted Danson staggers in as a seaweed clad zombie to kill Leslie Nielsen while reading this post. Anyway, DUDE! I would call you an athlete in describing you to someone :)
GAH MILFOIL GAH. That takes BALLS, dude. Awesome.
“I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it.” ~ Pablo Picasso
I’ma gonna call you Pablo from now on. :)
Ok, having spent all day in a lake yesterday with seaweed….BLARGH! Parts of your post made me want to vomit.
On a totally different note: Do know how motivating you are? I love reading your blog, especially the bits about fitness, because I’ve just started back into the fitness world with some real ass determination. I just had major surgery 8 weeks ago, quit smoking (after 17 years, ACK) 8 weeks ago, and started working out. I get frustrated when I can’t run a mile straight, when I have to stop, I think I should be able to get out there and run for miles at a time. And then I read entries like this, and realize that it’s NOT like that. That other people are scared and that it takes TIME and that I need to stop beating myself up.
You are a rockstar. Thank you!
You are such an inspiration. That is all.
Before the last tri I did (in the Gulf of Mexico), I saw fins out RIGHT WHERE WE WERE TO SWIM. I thought surely, SURELY they’ll call it off because OF COURSE the sharks will eat us all. They believed them to be dolphins (and they seem to have been correct), but my Northern ass was still TERRIFIED.
Then, this summer, I was doing some open water swims in a Florida lake. DUDE. There are ALLIGATORS in lakes in Florida. When swimming with a group (even a really small group), I was totally fine, but the one time I went on my own (well, with my husband circling me on a jet ski), I DIED. I kept having the worst panic attacks and I was SURE, every time I opened my eyes, that I was looking straight into the mouth of the biggest gator in the world. And yeah, I cut that swim a bit short. You know, on account of the dying.
Maybe you could wear those aqua sox things that keep your skin from direct contact with
disintegrated carcassesmilfoil but I’m wondering how you’re going to kick when you swim hahah. Anyways, good for you that you’re doing this! You’re a brave one. Me, I prefer dry heaving and panicking on dry land.You. Rock.
I never really had a fear of open water until reading about Swistle’s fear of submerged big things and now the corpse and…..shit. I should stop reading blogs I think.
maybe a sleeveless wetsuit would work out better?
and nice you could borrow a wetsuit, but people pee in those things to keep warm.
About the only thing I’d fear about a swim (besides an undertow pulling me out a mile) and seals, otters, and sea lions (they like to play “let’s bite the human’s toes and drown her!”) is feces that float on by because the soulless city still flushes untreated sewage into the ocean. I am amazed that people swim in English Bay.
But yeah, seaweed is creepy, and kelp is probably the worst because it’s ropey and bulbous. And the smell…oh my yuck!
When Simon did his Escape from Alcatraz tri (a three-hour ordeal, MY GOD, I was exhausted just SPECTATING for that long), his goal was to not be the last finisher in his age group and…he did it…by beating one other guy. My favorite photo from the event is one I took of him swimming in the (shark-infested) SF Bay, Alcatraz looming some miles in the background, and Simon stroking like a champ. It’s only upon closer inspection that you see there’s a guy in front of him–a guy BEATING HIM–who has only one arm. I’ve never seen something as simultaneously inspiring and humbling as a triathlon.
Dude, you are so the jimmy jam for trying (and succeeding)at such scary shit. I think softly rotting corpses is going to be the name of my next album. It’s just so descriptive.
I want to send this post to all of my family and say: “SEE! I’m not the only one who thinks swimming in open water is creepy and corpse filled!” Seaweed is also creepy and my aunt and uncle have a cottage on a lake where there are entire trees underwater (it must have been damned or something) and couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t go swimming in a lake where there were dead trees that would obviously use their branches to pull me under so I could join their watery forest grave.
ZOMBIKES lurking in the creepy weeds?! How can this alarming possibility not have occured to me before?
Sticking to pools from now on. Thanks.