First things first: some of you are, like, total pussies about dead people in closets. I’m sorry, but someone had to say it. It’s almost like the grisly visage of a human who has clearly died while in the grip of mortal terror ooks you out, or something. BUK BUK BUK BU-GAWK.

(If it makes you feel better, you should go back and take another look at that Ring image and notice, like I did, the little barely-visible chalk line drawn around her on the floor, which I assume was put there so she knew exactly where she needed to curl up and pretend to be dead, since apparently “sit in the corner and be creepy as all fuck” wasn’t specific enough.)

Second: thank you SO much for the song recommendations! I added a whole boatload of new music to my Shuffle last night and they made a big difference in my 4-mile run this morning, at least before I ran directly over the flattened body of a dead squirrel, which I would like to point out is much more disgusting than a makeup-covered girl in a closet and THAT’S why I released a high-pitched shriek and ran the rest of the way home wildly flapping my hands in the air.

(EEEEEEEEEEK DEAD SQUIRREL OMFG.)

Anyway! Here are a few of the songs I’ve been enjoying:

Hanuman, Rodrigo Y Gabriela
When I Grow Up, Pussycat Dolls
Bring the Noise Remix, Public Enemy VS Benny Benassi
Run This Town, Jay-Z
Waiting, Taxi Doll
You Haven’t Done Nothin‘, Stevie Wonder
I Can Transform Ya, Chris Brown
Mary, Mary, Run-DMC
Lazy Eye, Silversun Pickups

In other news, Riley drew this picture this morning:

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It’s a horse, because Dylan is always asking for someone to draw him a horse on that thing, and that’s a cowboy on top.

Now, I know this isn’t what you might call a perfect rendition. The face is pleasing enough in its jolly expression, but I’m not completely sure about the perspective. It isn’t clear where the cowboy’s lasso ends and his arm begins; a classic Life Drawing mistake. The horse’s tail is either missing or bobbed much too short. And of course there’s the issue of those extra legs, which might be forgivable if there was a backstory involving a nuclear power plant or perhaps a drug trial gone terribly wrong, but he made mention of no such thing.

But O! What can I say, this drawing kills me. It just absolutely kills me in some hard-to-explain way, that he’s old enough to draw something more than a scribble. That he can take a picture in his head and re-create it on a well-worn MagnaDoodle. He’s such a big kid these days, getting so tall and lanky and full of hilarity and obnoxious sass, and my god, now he can draw a horseapillar. When he was a baby he stretched my heart beyond what I thought it could hold—his star-hands, his tiny furrowed brow—and now he and his brother teach me every day about one of the most beautiful truths in life, that your heart is infinite. Your children are infinite. They never stop being amazing.

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JennB
JennB
13 years ago

I know what you mean about our babies growing up… my daughter has literally grown 2 inches in the last 3 months, and has her first loose tooth… she’s not even five yet!! (Couple more weeks on that one) Where is my little infant? I guess this explains all of the gray hairs…. I’m getting older too.

Anne
13 years ago

Horseapillar! I love your new word.

And wait, what if that chalk line is there because that is an ACTUAL CREEPY AS ALL GET OUT dead body that the police outlined in chalk, and then someone was all “WAIT! I think they are filming a movie near here that could TOTALLY use this shot.” And then they did a half-assed job of wiping out the line before they shot that scene, and then the police went back to, like, investigating or something.

It could happen on Law and Order. And if they show it on TV, it MUST be true, right?

js
js
13 years ago

First: Thank you for the new post, because now when I check for an update, I won’t see that creepy girl. I’m not a fan of horror movies, but I’ve seen a fair share, and that movie? Scared. The. FUCK. out of me. Like it took me YEARS to even be able to say the title of it without tearing up. I shit you not. Yeah, yeah, I’m a sissy. At least I don’t have DEAD SQUIRREL on my shoes! (Which, btw, the image of you running all arm flappy, I cracked the hell up at that and also wanted to vomit).

Second, the last paragraph is so moving. My daughter taught me what love really is. Even when she is at her most obnoxious, I am still amazed. I have a piece of paper in my wallet that has her first sentence written on it: “I lve momy”. Makes my heart grow 10 sizes every time I see it.

bessie.viola
13 years ago

Lovely. I have been reading since Riley was born, and that picture startled me in the same vein of “I can’t believe how OLD he is!” Your last line was perfect, and so true.

Also, I am one of the pussies you mentioned. The Ring ruined me for life, I kid you not.

kate
13 years ago

horsepillar made me laugh out loud. I almost wet myself. So thanks for that

MichelleH
MichelleH
13 years ago

I LOVED going through all the music recommendations you got in your comments. There was some great stuff there.

Hehe, I am one of the pussies who watched that scene in The Ring through splayed fingers and then saw the pic and thought, “Oh, that wasn’t so bad”. Also, the running shoes you put on her made her far less scary, lol. I think I will be fine unless you somehow figure out a way to make the pics on your blog walk out of my computer screen like at the end of the movie.

My 15-month-old did some magna doodle scribbling. Just scribbling. And I felt the same way…misty eyes and thinking “You can hold a pen…?!?!” WOW. It’s true, I never knew I had the capacity for this much love. It’s terrifying. :)

Titanium
13 years ago

Horse? Horsey? Horseapillar? Beauty.

Kids are incredible. resilient. funny. thoughtful. and totally bursting with fresh ideas every day.

Christina
13 years ago

horseapillar… omg tears. along with the dead squirrel… Um how embarassing I think people in my office think I am choking right now or crying. I am kind of doing both I suppose. Ah…

Hey my kid dutch ovened me the other day then proceeded to giggle to himself about this to point where he had to run away to go pee. How’s that for four year old fun and stretching one’s heart ;)

Scott
13 years ago

At the risk of becoming That Guy, I (possibly mistakenly, but when Naomi Watts is involved, I tend not to make mistakes) think the line around the corpse in the closet in that pic isn’t actually chalk.

I think it’s supposed to be from the water dripping off the girl who comes from the well out of the TV to kill the girl in the closet? Or something? And so the wet dead ghost girl killed the girl in the closet, or something? But she got all wet on account of being in that scary, flickery, black-and-white well, and she ruined the hardwood floors. Or something?

Fun fact: “First you see the ring, then your hardwood floors have to be refinished. And also you die!” was the film’s original tagline.

Veronica
Veronica
13 years ago

i thought I was the only one who FREAKED. out upon seeing that stupid Ring girl in the closet. I sat at my desk and was like, “WHY.” The pure awesomeness of Linda compelled me to read on about the hills and running fun. Now I don’t feel like such an ass goat. There were others!

As for the horsepillar… what if Riley grows up to be some cool-ass artist who sells contemporary art pieces in Manhattan?!?! how cool would THAT be?!!

may
may
13 years ago

You did it again. Well done. I love how you express what I feel about my kids so much better than I could.

How’s that book coming??

Kate
13 years ago

First off, thank YOU for the Rodrigo y Gabriela tip. They are awesome.

Also, I think I must a bigger-than-normal pussy because I don’t watch scary movie trailers, much less scary movies. So I’ve never seen The Ring or that dead girl. So thanks for putting *that* in my head. I couldn’t scroll fast enough.

And just wait until Riley READS to you. Holy crap, I swear my son will be leaving me any day now and it freaks me out.

Andrea
13 years ago

I didn’t get a chance to jump in on the last post, but I thought you should know that “Bulletproof” by La Roux is practically on repeat for my treadmill grind.

Totally can’t wait for my kid to draw more than a scribble; such little milestones are so exciting. He put his first preschool ornament on the tree yesterday (a pinecone globbed with glue on one side with a dash of glitter) and I couldn’t have been more proud :)

Lucy
Lucy
13 years ago

You know what else is amazing?

SIX LEGGED HORSES!

(They are also a sign of the coming apocalypse, I think.)

Sarah in Huntsville
13 years ago

Horseapillar, ha!

The Ring freaked me right the hell out. Seriously, I couldn’t watch TV for, like, a month after I saw it. And forget VHS tapes, no way, man. Brrrrr.

But I kind of think the line that looks like chalk is actually the reflection on the edge of the puddle of water the girl was in. So, not so reassuring on this end.

Jen
Jen
13 years ago

Wait until he reads a book to you for the first time. I could hardly contain myself.

Valria
13 years ago

I just guffawed sitting here in the airport….horseapiller.

Kim
Kim
13 years ago

first.. I LOVE horses.. I have one.. in fact.. his name when I bought him was Riley. I renamed him Pieper-Riley..long story on the Pieper part) so I now am so endeared to your Riley….LOVE his little drawings! Tthe freaky name connection.. and that he loves horses….The son I never had. awwww.. ; )

AND…just when I thought I might be the only person who “thinks” like you write… I find that there bunches of us(well..I don’t know exactly how many “members” to your post there are) but I’m so NOT ALONE! Yippie!!

Eric's Mommy
Eric's Mommy
13 years ago

Running over a dead squirrel is priceless!

Horseapillar rules!

Philos
13 years ago

The front pair of legs might belong to the cowboy. It’s hard to say.

Accidental Olympian
13 years ago

I was totally looking on PetFinder last night for a lovely horseapillar to adopt, love, and call my own.

Now that you’ve gone and told the ENTIRE internet about the wonders that is the horseapillar I am sure there will be far too many applicants to compete with and I’ll never be able to adopt my very own.

I hope you’re happy you evil bitch.

Anonymous
Anonymous
13 years ago

Horse = Sleipnir.

Christine
Christine
13 years ago

Dude that drawing is awesome. Six legs! Teeny dwarf like cowboy! I can’t believe how BIG Riley has gotten. Somehow I refuse to believe that it has been that long that I’ve been reading.

Lesley
Lesley
13 years ago

That horse may represent the future because it is so evolved it doesn’t need a saddle or reins for smooth riding.

Danell
13 years ago

howHowHOW do you write something DAILY that is so awesome? Like EVERY SINGLE POST there is something that is snort-your-drink-out-your-nose funny AND sob-a-little-sob touching. You are really amazing.

Shawna
Shawna
13 years ago

How old is Dylan again? Because Harris is 18 months and can’t even draw a closed shape, much less a HORSEAPILLAR WITH A COWBOY ON HIS BACK! That boy’s got talent!

Amanda
13 years ago

Totally relate to that feeling about the drawing. One day colic; next day “max and carol doing a wild rumpus” in number two pencil.

Donna
Donna
13 years ago

Am I the ONLY one who didn’t think that the ring was that scary? I am a hardcore horror freak though, so I guess maybe I’m immune. Although I do have a really good time doing the aaaaaaaaa grindy sound from the grudge.
I feel like beetlejuice where he says I’ve seen the exorcist 9 times and it just KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY TIME!
And people, read the post, Dylan likes horses, Riley drew him a horse. With a cowboy, and other stuff. That’s a good big brother there. And he is quite the little artist, I knew it was a horse right away!
So now that you ran over the squirrel do you have like a little squirrel drawn on your sneaker with a line through it like they used to paint on the fighter planes? Well you should. Riley can draw it for you I’m sure, lol!

Amanda
13 years ago

They are made to be amazing and heart tugging so that we don’t kill/eat them when we’ve just told them for the 400th time on the 40 bajillionth consecutive day to GO BRUSH YOUR TEETH.

Michelle
Michelle
13 years ago

Riley’s horseapillar is the best thing I’ve seen all week.

Joy
Joy
13 years ago

I like the dead girl. I think that would have been my expression if I had run over a dead squirrel with my feet.

Beastie Boys are always good too for work out music. Like Sabotage.

Lori
13 years ago

Nope, I totally see where the arm ends and the lasso begins. One kid doing something nice for the other kid – that’s mad parenting skills.

Andrea (@shutterbitch)
13 years ago

If I recall correctly, you damn near walked out of Dawn of the Dead at the theater because of the neighbor girl at the beginning creeping you out. I *laughed* at that part. We all have our heebie jeebs that get us sleeping with the lights on. The Ring was full of them for me.

Dead squirrel. It’s what’s for dinner. Haha!

Hey, if you’d had wrist weights on your arms, the extra flapping around would have been an even more intense workout.

That picture is geenyus. And horseapillar is my new favorite word, but it’ll be hard to come up w/ a way to use it in a sentence.

Amity
Amity
13 years ago

I think the middle “legs” are actually the stirrups for the cowboy’s saddle, right?? :)

kristin
kristin
13 years ago

CRYING!

Pam
Pam
13 years ago

I really like that fancy MagnaDoodle. I want one! And YES, awesome drawing. So glad you took a photo before it was gone! :)

pam
pam
13 years ago

my boys have just gotten into magnadoodles (if i have to draw elmo ONE MORE TIME, i will tear my hands off) but at 2 years old, are definitely not drawing anything that sophisticated. i know it will kill me when they draw their first horseapillar. so sweet!

KF
KF
13 years ago

I agree that the horse has a certain resemblance to Odin’s magical eight-legged horse, Sleipnir. Could be one of Sleipnir’s less newsworthy, sort-of magical cousins?
All hail the horsapillar, mightiest of cowboy-burdened underbeasts!

Rachel
Rachel
13 years ago

You are motivating me to start running again. I wish I were you and could get my act together. What kind of sneakers do you wear? Can you be specific b/c I definitely need a good recommendation.

Molly
Molly
13 years ago

Horseapillar!! Love it.

And the rest, so true. Children never stop being amazing. Isn’t it great? (When I’m not screaming my head off at them, that is.)

M
M
13 years ago

I’ve always covered my eyes at the part in The Ring where her mom says, “But I SAW her FACE…” and then it cuts to the closet scene that you posted and her head falls back and OMG HER FUCKING FACE! Now that I’ve been desensitized to that via your blog, I’ll never have to do that again! I feel liberated.

Also, I always thought the chalk outline was intentionally there as part of the “crime scene” thing that police do, outlining the bodies and whatnot.

mrspooley
mrspooley
13 years ago

Dear Sundry,
Yet again you’ve made me giggle uncontrollably (eek! dead squirrel! [flap flap]) and come to tears. What you write about your boys is so honest and heartfelt – it assures me over and over that if I am doing this mom thing wrong, at least I’m not the only one. :)
Love,
Your Faithful Reader

Nikki
Nikki
13 years ago

I just finished watching Dawn of the Dead (yep, I’m a latecomer) and loved it. Any suggestions on other zombie flicks?

Erin
Erin
13 years ago

Linda, thanks for sharing your running music recommendations — I am loving them!! With you as my inspiration, I have now run a mile two days in a row!! (Probably my first mile in 10 years.) And knowing how hard it was for you to get started has helped me not be so hard on myself for “running” at a speed somewhere between snail and turtle. Keep it up, girl!!

Tina G
Tina G
13 years ago

Love the “horseapillar” How weird is it that when I was internet shopping for my own child, I saw this outfit and thought of Dylan:
http://www.cwdkids.com/servlet/quagga/specials/product.jsp/_qprm_/browse?groupId=14541&itemId=L017&cat=specials-boys_fall

Stephanie
13 years ago

Hah, I love your analysis of the drawing! Sorry about running over the dead squirrel. That’s gotta throw a wrench into your morning.
BODA weight loss

Jurgen Nation
13 years ago

Oh, how I adore you. I actually read this earlier and didn’t comment because I didn’t think my music recommendations would be any good. Here’s my .02, because you totally were waiting for it. Amirite? Let me know if you want me to burn any of these or send you files.

“Done Did It,” BlakRoc
“Life Magazine,” Cold Cave
“Let Me Clear My Throat,” DJ Kool (!!)
“Here Comes the Hotstepper,” Ini Kamoze
“Who’s Asking,” Mt St Helens Vietnam Band
“Audacity of Huge,” Simian Mobile Disco
“Graffiti Eyes,” Stellastarr*
“Pressure,” Swollen Members (the whole Black Magic album is teh rawk.)
And finally, if this doesn’t get your ass moving like you’re having the time of your life dancing in a gay bar:
“Everybody’s Free (To Feel Good),” Rozalla

Amy
Amy
13 years ago

Horseapillar!! I was laughing so hard my co-worker thought I was going to pass out. And yes, yes, yes, you must get the horse outfit for Dylan! Sucks about the dead squirrel…but the image of you running home had me laughing harder than your description of Riley’s picture!

twojams
twojams
13 years ago

Thanks to you for the running music suggestions from this post and others. One of my new favorites that I got from you is “Sour Cherry” by the Kills. Great running beat.

Another good band someone recommended recently is The Airborne Toxic Event. “Wishing Well” and “Gasoline” are being added to my running playlist right now.