Dec
27
Holidaze
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Riley was so excited about Santa’s impending arrival before he went to bed on Christmas Eve I figured he’d be the one waking us up. Maybe crawling over from his bed next to ours in JB’s cramped childhood bedroom, peeling back our eyelids, and urgently whispering that we needed to go and see if Santa ate his cookie or if the reindeer ate their carrot and by the way how about we take a look at those stockings.
Instead, JB sat bolt upright at 6:30 AM, peering blearily at his watch and shaking me awake, convinced we had somehow magically overslept, and despite the visual evidence of it being ass-early—such as for instance the room being PITCH BLACK—demanded we all get up. Even Riley wasn’t interested in Santa or presents right away, being as how he’d been blissfully asleep before his father started flapping around like a watch-misreading chicken, but eventually we all rallied with a minimal of residual irritation.
Except for the part where I’ll probably bring it up for many Christmases to come. (6:30!)
Riley was fairly geeked over the contents of his stocking, which featured, among other flotsam, an eyeball-searing flashlight. Dylan wanted to know when he was going to get some damn waffles already.
Funny thing about Dylan’s present: I’d ordered a Melissa & Doug rocking horse weeks ago, and in the flurry of packing to leave the house on Tuesday we managed to leave it behind. JB remembered it just as we were driving through Portland, and I spent a couple hours in a near tizzy, calling nearby stores, trying to find expedited shipping options online, and generally freaking out because OMG what if I didn’t get to see his face light up at Christmas the way I’d been imagining, AIIEEEE. I finally found a different rocking horse on Amazon and overnighted that bitch, then we were all at dinner on Christmas Eve and learned that a family friend—who happens to be a FedEx driver—couldn’t make it because he was working overtime delivering last-minute packages. Sure enough, when we got back to JB’s parents’ house, there was the horse, delivered safe and sound. So we ruined someone’s Christmas Eve, I spent an extra $70, we now have two rocking horses, and honestly three hours after Dylan got the horse he was back to scampering around with a sofa pillow between his legs, neighing and chirping “Ridin’ da horses!”
Oh, he was thrilled with it, though. He named it Santa. No lie.
I got Riley a Woody doll and that proved to be fantastically entertaining. For ME, that is. “Who’s got a woody? Let’s not touch our brother’s woody so much, now. Remember, a woody doesn’t belong in your mouth!” HA HA HA HA HA what?
Dylan’s gifts almost universally included ten thousand twist ties, and let me tell you, if you’re ever shopping for a little kid, the greatest gift you can possibly give is the act of removing said twist ties before a child is presented with the toy he cannot actually play with until someone does the grunt work, because WOE and TANTRUMS and FISHFLOPPING and LUMPS OF COAL.
Riley got the skateboard he’d wanted so badly, and even though I’m convinced it was a terrible idea and he’s going to break every clumsy little bone in his body on the damn thing, he loves it so much. And so far, he’s not half bad. I mean, whatever that wheelie thing is that he’s doing here, I tried to do it and about fell on my ass.
All in all, it was a pretty great Christmas. I hope yours was too.
PS: JB’s brother gave him a hunting decoy. That, combined with the Toy Story merchandise, was deeply pleasing to me. Merry XXXmas!
Dec
23
Christmas card
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This isn’t the exact design of our card (I hemmed and hawed over card layouts and naturally found the one I like the best a couple weeks after ordering and mailing out the ones I originally chose), and the Festive Family Newsletter has been altered a bit, but if I could afford more than two damn books of stamps this year, and I had all your addresses like the good little stalker I am, this is what I’d have sent you:
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Hello family and friends!
What a busy year it’s been at our household! Why, it’s almost impossible to know where to start—but let’s begin with this very card you hold in your hands. We are very happy with this image, which took a mere three hours, 4928105 digital photos, two sobbing children, and the eventual threat of bodily harm to capture! Gosh, there were SO MANY options featuring a child with a vacant, drooling gaze, or an adult whose facade of happiness slipped for a moment to reveal the desperate, sweaty desire for escape burning deep within their soul . . . but we felt this one was the best representation of Team Sundry!
Go team!!!
2009 has been very exciting for John, what with the launch of his new business Vioguard and his new title of ENTREPRENEUR! It was a hard decision to say goodbye to Microsoft, but we all feel confident this was the best choice for him. Unless of course the company runs out of money, in which case we sure hope you have an extra room in your house for us! Ha ha! Don’t worry, only one of us still wets the bed! Whoops, make that two!
Linda continues to enjoy life at Workplace, where she is very proud of the fact that after nearly eight continuous years of employment with the same company, she finally knows how to replace the water jug—all by herself!
We couldn’t be more proud of our kids and their many achievements in 2009. Riley had a fantastic day recently at school where he received not one, but TWO separate Injury Incident Reports for running headfirst into doorways! We were so thrilled! One more and he gets Preschool Head Bump Bingo! AIM HIGH, RILEY! Dylan’s second birthday is in February, but we’re convinced he’s a gifted child because he’s been in the terrible twos for months! Watch out, MENSA! Dylan’s also talking up a storm these days, and his favorite word to say is “horse”. Can you imagine how adorable it is to hear a toddler say “horse” all day long? “HORSE. HORSE. HORSE. HORSE.” Oh, it never gets old!
It wouldn’t be a family update without some news of our pets! Sadly, our cat Meercat went missing this year, but as Riley said, maybe she’s not really on a cat vacation, maybe she’s DEAD! So that’s a comfort! Our elderly dog Ashley is still going strong, despite having the breath of a bloated, rotting walrus corpse left on a beach in the height of summer! Way to go, Ashley!
Well, happy holidays to one and all! Here’s to 2010 and even MORE heartwarming memories!
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Happy holidays, friends. You have been a huge part of my year, and I thank you for being here.
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