For the last few weeks I’ve been working my ass off to, well, work my ass off, and I’m in that good place where you can see the progress happening in your body and your clothes fit better and you’re like yeah, I can DO this. Except if you’re me, what you’re really thinking is, I can DO this … maybe. Or I could lie on the couch and inhale an entire pizza with a Haagen-Dazs chaser. Self-sabotage can just be so DELICIOUS.

Motivation has never come come easy for me, but here’s what’s helping me lately:

This shirt:

Screen shot 2013-05-10 at 3.08.24 PM

I can’t believe it’s taken me so long to buy a loose-fit workout tank. If you’re like me and you tend to get all self-conscious about your midsection in those tight racerback shirts, these things are game-changers. I bought a black one at Old Navy and I plan to go back and stock up on every single other color they have.

This MP3 player:

Screen shot 2013-05-10 at 12.59.13 PM

I got Sony’s updated MP3-playing Walkman as a Klout perk and I figured it would be like every other Klout perk I’ve ever received: a nice mailbox distraction from the usual flotsam of bills and junk flyers, but nothing I would have bought on my own. As it turns out, I can’t stop raving about it. It’s all in one piece, and it stays put — no more fiddling with cords or adjusting earbuds during a run. The downside is that it doesn’t play nice with iTunes on my Mac, so I have to manually drag individual songs to it instead of importing playlists. Aside from that small headache, though, I absolutely love how it eliminates gear-related distractions during a workout.

These songs:

“Daybreak” by OVERWERK.
Heard it on this (gorgeous, watch it fullscreen) GoPro video, love love love it.

“Monday Morning” by Melanie Fiona. I can listen to this over and over. (The AV quality on this video totally sucks, sorry about that. This version sounds a little better.)


“I Get Around” by Dragonette.
Makes me feel snarly and badass.

“Don’t Leave Me (ne Me Quitte Pas)” by Regina Spektor. Boppy and happy. I probably sound SUPER awesome when I try and sing along with the French part.

“All Alone” by Fun. Best Fun song. According to me.

“Must Be the Moon” by !!! She said “love is love but a fuck is what it is.” Ah, this song is great.

Okay, your turn, if you feel like playing: what are your current workout must-haves?

Yesterday was Riley’s last soccer practice. It was also the first day I really had any interaction with the other parents, thanks to the coach’s idea to have the adults get out on the field and play against the kids during the last half hour. The clusterfucked Calvinball-esque game that ensued was more than a little embarrassing (my soccer skills are … well, pretty much nonexistent) and hilarious and actually pretty fun, and it was the perfect sort of social icebreaker than I could have used, oh, several weeks ago.

But I can’t rely on someone else to help me over the parental small-talk molehill I’ve turned into a mental mountain and baseball’s coming up and this is just the start of years of kid activities and you guys, I’m just so goddamned bad at talking with people and I don’t know why I’m like this but I am and it’s not normally a big deal but sometimes it is. Like when you’re sitting on a bench with a group of other parents and everyone is chatting except you, and it makes you start to dread going to your kid’s soccer practice as though it were a twice-weekly root canal and it’s ridiculous and it sucks.

Here is the bench. Here are the adults talking amongst themselves in a friendly manner. Not pictured: me, silent and awkward and occasionally snapping photos of Riley or sticking my nose in a book but mostly just feeling incredibly self-conscious and wishing the earth would open up and swallow me whole.

field

Ah, I’m so tired of being shy. I’m lonely and I have no social life and I hate feeling this way during activities that should be perfectly normal and I hate the self-defeating brainloop it causes and I hate the creeping certainty that everyone thinks I’m a standoffish asshole when the reality is that I’m pathetically eager to connect, I just can’t get past the first step.

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