Mar
3
I have just returned from the grocery store, and I need to get something off my chest. When did “Got any big plans for the rest of the day?” become the default small talk prompt from checkout cashiers?
I’m just saying, of all the bored commentary issued in a robotic tone by clock-watching millennials when you’re waiting for the chip card thing to make that obnoxious error-sounding beep, this is the worst. First of all, the entire tone of the question is more than a little condescending. Like, “Did you use the potty like a big girl?”
Secondly, no, I do not in fact have big plans for the rest of the day. Jesus. Do I look like I have big plans? I’m wearing ratty workout pants and I’m buying fruit snacks, toilet paper, frozen pizza bagels, Diet Coke, and cat food. This is it, Junior. You’re looking at my entire life here.
Finally, can we not create a situation in which I instantly become an awkward conversational dead end when I didn’t even want to have a conversation in the first place? If I answer truthfully, it goes like this:
Cashier: Got any big plans for the rest of the day?
Me: *flatly* No.
Or if I try and muster up the energy to engage in light banter:
Cashier: Got any big plans for the rest of the day?
Me: I guess that depends on how exciting four loads of laundry sounds to you! Ha ha!
The thing is, if by some weird happenstance I did actually have big plans and I was really super excited to be asked and began describing my agenda in great detail while the line piled up behind me, you know the cashier would be like:
There’s no way out of this that doesn’t suck, and as a “make a human connection that is pleasant for both participants but extremely brief” strategy it fails on all fronts. In conclusion: STAAHHHHHHHHP.
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