Sep
2
Oh, I am so glad to be home. That whole trip was a bit . . . tedious. I say that thinking of how sometimes I’ll read someone’s blog entry where they’ll mention how their kid was up all night with the barfing flu and how that was kind of exhausting and if you haven’t been in that particular situation before you might think, well, bummer, and move on — but if you have in fact been up during the night with a barfing child you know exactly how utterly horrific it is, how exhausted you are and how your reserves are at an all-time low when the clock reads 3:24 AM and there is barf everywhere, dear god, the logistics of the cleanup job before you is nearly too much to consider and yet you MUST, and there’s that nerve-shattering sound of bathwater cascading into the tub at the completely wrong time of day, and the ominous hum of the washing machine, and you’re worried half out of your mind that your kid has actually contracted some rare African strain of Barf-Then-Die-itis, and you’re thinking, wow, this whole parenthood thing was a really, REALLY terrible idea, and most of all you know that you’ll be repeating the entire process, perhaps as soon as 3:52 AM — anyway, the word “exhausting” doesn’t really cover it, but sometimes that’s all the author can bring themselves to say about the subject.
So: tedious. It was a tedious summer vacation, and I am dying to get back to all my supposedly non-relaxing things like work and freelance projects and even struggling to make it through 20 minutes of 30 Day Shred without voiding my bladder/horking a lung out my right nostril/succumbing to the sweet, sweet relief of death.
Somebody left me a comment once about how family photos are like looking at ducks in the water, how you only see part of what’s really there — all the furious paddling underneath is hidden. I love that, it’s so true, and it’s one of the reasons I love taking so many pictures. It helps me remember and focus on the good moments, and let the memories fade of the churn it took just to make it through the day.
Aug
30
Hello from the Oregon coast, which we travelled to in only five hundred and eleventry-three HOJILLION hours last Thursday. Okay fine, it was more like eight, but eight, jesus, eight hours in a car with a baby and a 3-year-old, it was like some really tedious Twilight Zone episode where the road unfolds endlessly and everyone in the car ages and grows beards and when they finally get to their destination the seats are filled with dusty skeletons, some still gripping the calcified remains of a sippy cup. At one point JB turned to me, his face all haggard and his knuckles whitened around the steering wheel, and said “This drive is really too long,” and I was all BREAKER BREAKER WE’VE GOT A BIG OLD NO-SHITTER FROM THE DRIVER’S SEAT OVER then I brained him with an empty Red Bull can and made him trade me spots so he could experience the joy of sitting in the back with the bored, feral children for a while (hint: you’ll need aspirin!).
The weather has been kind of not-so-summery and I’m not sure I’d describe what we’re doing as a vacation, except we’re taking time off from work so . . . huh. Well, that’s bullshit, I just realized the whole definition of vacation once you have kids boils down to not getting paid. Damn, that’s depressing. Surely vacations get more vacation-y when you’ve progressed past the infant/toddler stage? Yes? Eventually there will be bronze-skinned waiters bearing fruity beverages and cashmere spa robes, and hours of relaxing leisure time?
(Don’t answer that.)
We’re heading to the cabin on the Umpqua River tomorrow to celebrate Riley’s 3rd birthday, which will be a low-key family affair featuring what will surely turn out to be a hoopty-ass cake (I am considering the use of M&Ms as decoration, obviously my talents would fit in nicely here) and — HORRORS — non-decorative paper plates without licensed cartoon characters. I know, I am the Worst Mom Ever. I may as well also confess that although the cake came from a box which called for exactly three ingredients in addition to the supplied mix, I stood there for several minutes this afternoon mouthbreathing down at the bowl of mysteriously cement-textured batter before realizing that duh, I forgot the water.
I hope you’re having a good weekend, whatever you’re doing!
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