May
4
The Keens/White Socks Travesty is still going on, people. I may need to take drastic measures, like having that chipmunk-looking doctor from Intervention come out and help me deprogram JB. “If you won’t accept the help that’s being offered,” I’ll say, gulping back tears as I read from my carefully worded letter, “then I can no longer support your abominable fashion choices by helping you launder your eleventy jillion pairs of nerdy white athletic socks.”
(I don’t know if I mentioned it before, but Intervention has totally been my guilty maternity-leave daytime television, uh, addiction. Maybe two or three times a week I’d put that on in the afternoon while feeding Dylan, and weep my way through whatever horrific personal tragedy was unfolding before me. Especially during the ubiquitous footage of the ruined adult as a young, innocent toddler, galloping around with a sunny grin, no indication whatsoever of the terrible future awaiting them — then I’d really get going, blatting all over Dylan’s soft spot and wiping my nose on a burp cloth. Cathartic, in a soul-crushingly depressing sort of way!)
Speaking of fashion or a lack thereof I go back to work tomorrow and I have no idea what to wear. I have all these new dresses but it doesn’t quite seem like the right weather yet and my jeans sort of fit but they sort of don’t and everything in my closet just seems LAME. I work in an extremely casual office (as in, some of my coworkers have been known to shuffle around in sweatpants and slippers) but I have been living in yoga pants for three straight months and I’m vaguely thrilled to have an excuse to wear something without elastic, and yet I’m already wondering if there’s a shirt that can be paired with my trusty Lululemons because ARGH.
You guys always know best: it’s your first day back at work, you want to look nice, but not Trying Too Hard nice, and you want to make it through the day without your waistband exploding. What do you wear? What do you wear?
PS: Thank you for the music suggestions — so many great recommendations in there! My iTunes bill is going to be fierce, and what great timing, right when we’re pretty much broke from my paid leave being over. Come on, economy stimulus check! Mama needs another Kate Nash song!
May
2
There was a talky sort of woman next to me in yoga last night who issued forth many loud happy sighs and grunts during the poses and afterwards turned to me and said, “Boy! I always feel like Gumby after this class!” and I nodded and immediately thought of this incredibly hilarious offensive and juvenile (NSFW audio, don’t say I didn’t warn you) video I saw a while back and while I smiled in what I hoped was a polite manner and she nattered on about something or other I helplessly replayed that entire dubbed-Gumby script to myself and when she told me that she was going to have a popsicle when she went home because after a workout like that she’d better stay AWAY from the candied peanuts, ha ha ha, my brain was going, “Looka my head, it’s lopsided bitch — suckadick!”
Also, the yoga instructor had either padded pants on or she was wearing knee pads under her pants and while I realized after the fifty-millionth minute of balancing on one knee with only a quarter inch of mat between my kneecap and the hard-ass floor that she was definitely onto something, I also couldn’t help thinking what JB would say if he saw me in a similar getup, and how he would probably sprain something trying to get out just the right sausage/protein snack/beefstick/Administer Orally Every Twelve Hours Preferably With a Meal joke.
Honestly, I don’t know what my problem is. Basically I am a twelve year old boy trying to pass off as a thirty-something suburban mom. It’s sad, really.
So hey, I need some new music (again). I start work next week and I need some fresh iPod content to make my commute tolerable. What have you been listening to lately that you can’t get out of your head? Loud/upbeat/butt-shaking stuff particularly appreciated.
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