Apr
22
Hi. Can we talk about groceries for a minute? I know, BOring, but the alternative at the moment is discussing the yoga class I went to last night and whether or not you think anyone noticed my heels, which are in dire need of getting up close and personal with a pumice stone. I mean, do you think I was screwing up anyone’s savasana or anything because they were haunted by the vision of my scratchy dry FEET? It has been bothering me, this possibility.
So, groceries? Okay then! Here is a sampling of some of the things I buy, which I have copied and pasted from Amazon’s grocery service receipt thingie rather than laboriously re-typing by hand:
Fuji Apple, 1 Large Apple: $0.79
Cucumber, 1 Medium Cucumber: $0.69
Baby Bok Choy, 12 oz Package: $2.19
Broccoli, Organic, 1 Bunch: $1.99
Oscar Mayer Deli Fresh Meats Turkey Breast, Oven Roasted , 9 oz: $4.12
Jif Peanut Butter, Creamy, 28 oz: $4.77
Diet Coke Soda, 6pk, .5 ltr Bottles: $3.08
Isomil Advance Soy Formula with Iron, Powder, 12.9 oz: $17.99
Wildwood, High Protein Tofu, Super Firm, 10 oz: $1.94
Alessi Chunky Marinara Sauce, 24 oz: $5.50
Oscar Mayer Oven Roasted Chicken Breast Cuts, 6 oz: $2.88
Chiquita Banana, 1 Ripe Banana: $0.29
Horizon Organics Mozzarella Cheese Sticks: $4.29
Ziploc Storage, Gallon, 40 Count: $4.29
Huggies Baby Wipe Refill Natural scent, 160ct: $6.82
Organic Valley Low fat 1% Ultra Pasteurized Milk, Half Gallon: $3.99
Rosarita Refried Beans, Traditional, No Fat, 16 oz: $1.82
Honey Bunches Of Oats With Almonds, 14.5 oz: $3.96
Yoplait Light Non-Fat Yogurt, White Chocolate Strawberry, 6 oz: $0.69
Pampers Cruisers, 40 ct: $18.48
Pampers Swaddlers, 44 ct: $12.67
Can you tell me, does that seem like an extravagant list? Because it’s a fairly typical assortment and I swear I cannot believe how much our monthly grocery bills are getting to be. I don’t think Amazon is more expensive than our local store or anything, although maybe I should actually check and see. I’m just looking at our checkbook today thinking that from one perceptive, jesus, that’s a LOT of freelancing that’s going towards . . . what, FOOD? Food that we have to constantly replace? I AM DOING SOMETHING WRONG.
Apr
21
We got home on Saturday after a freakish drive through every type of weather imaginable barring a rain of toads and today is my first full day back on my own doing the stay-home-mom-gig and oh my lord I am feeling nearly flattened by tedium. Either I am just out of my routine or I have seen the light in terms of raising kids via the village method or the baby is now in a constantly-needing-entertainment-and-intervention stage (naps? Oh, you mean those 4-minute things that happen before the binky slips out of his mouth or the planet’s alignment changes or a molecule of oxygen taps him on the nose and he wakes up shouting?) or some poisonous combination of all of those things but damn, I have never seen a clock crawl so slowly, and I am counting all those Saturday school detentions I got as a kid which were so mind-numbingly dreary I once tattooed my own hand with a needle and a bottle of India ink just to pass the time.
(Not a good idea, by the way. Also: laser tattoo removal? Surprisingly painful.)
I am scheduled to go back to work on May 5 and I’m swinging wildly between heady anticipation (being around adults! Working on projects that don’t involve removing poop from someone’s testicles! Having a reason to get dressed before 5 PM!) and a lurking dread. I know it will be hard to leave Dylan in someone else’s care, and I know it will be hard to deal with feeling guilty about it — and I also know I will feel bad when I don’t feel guilty about it because aaaaahh shouldn’t I be feeling guilty about it? (Parenthood! It’s like cramming your brain into a smoothie machine! And then dumping the contents into the garbage!)
I know without a doubt I am a better, happier parent for working outside the home — just my own personal situation, one size doesn’t fit all, we are all unique snowflakes, etc etc — but goddamn, it’s still a compromise. I know it will seem crazy to hand my baby over to someone else when the time comes, and yet I also know how much more engaged I will be for having done so. I know how it will hurt to drive away with an empty carseat (carseats!), and I also know how positive daycare has been for Riley overall.
Well, I don’t think there’s any easy way to return from maternity leave, is there? Or, if there is, tell me the secret. I’ve got two weeks to prepare.
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