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Jun
11
June 11, 2007
(Today’s subject is difficult to talk about, and I’m finding it harder than usual to make peace with the calculated risk of making this public. Consider this your impending-trainwreck warning.)
In December of 2004 I was arrested for drunk driving. This is what happened:
I was handcuffed and put in the back of a police car and taken to the drunk tank in downtown Seattle, which was filled with transients. I was filled with despair and anger and booze, and at one point I simply started screaming, over and over and over. They carried me, thrashing, into a tiny cell reeking of urine. I was held there until JB came and picked me up.
We met with a lawyer. I sat trembling and viciously hungover in his office. He was impeccably groomed and had beautiful photos of his family on the wall behind him.
I lost my license. I told everyone I was choosing to take the bus; it was not a choice. I rode four buses a day to get to and from work, JB had to take me to doctor’s appointments (at this point I was now pregnant). I made excuse after excuse to turn down invitations from friends, unless they offered to drive.
I went to many, many court appointments. I sat for hours in courtrooms waiting for my name to be called, in order to walk to the front of the room and attempt to control the shake in my voice.
Eventually I got a restricted license, which allowed me to drive to and from work. I couldn’t drive in the evenings or weekends, nor could I drive outside of my route to the office and back. In order to drive, I had to get an SR-22, which caused my insurance company to drop me. We had to buy new, expensive insurance.
I pled guilty. It was a damaging choice, but my alternatives were bleak.
I had an interlock device installed in my car at great expense. Before I could start the car, I had to blow in a tube. I had to blow in the tube five minutes after the car was started, and at random intervals after that. There was no way to do this with any privacy. If the device registered an error—if I didn’t blow with the correct amount of force or using the correct method of blowing (it was necessary to make a humming sound)—the car’s horn would be triggered. The device malfunctioned more than once, rendering my car unusable.
The court required me to attend a victim’s panel, where people spoke about the horrific repercussions drunk drivers had caused in their lives. I was also required to attend alcohol classes, and to get an evaluation from a bored, overpaid counselor.
I spent a night in jail, when I was about seven months pregnant (clarification: I was not pregnant at the time of the DUI, it takes a while to go from arrest to sentencing). I wore a prison uniform and was confined to a cell by myself. The cell was pale mint green with a stainless steel toilet and a bed that consisted of an itchy gray blanket and a flat pad. They never turned off the buzzing overhead fluorescent lights, all night long.
The judge made a decision that surprised my lawyer: he offered me a reduced sentence if I completed volunteer work for a nonprofit in a specific amount of time. When Riley was a newborn, I spent hours working remotely for a local cultural resources nonprofit to meet this requirement.
The whole thing cost thousands of dollars.
Today my record is clear, my insurance is back to normal, and I am sober. I could almost choose to believe none of it happened. Except, of course, it did.
Why did I tell you all this? One reason is that when a secret lives within you like a poisonous iceberg, its mass mostly hidden even from your own eyes—too painful to look at, too embarrassing to tell—it creates weight within your soul. I wanted to tell you this secret, to pull it from the frozen place in my memory, shine a light on its surface, and admit its truth.
The other reason is to tell you that I don’t want this to happen to you. The spectrum of Bad Things That Can Happen is far and wide, if you get behind the wheel after drinking. Being arrested is one of the better outcomes you can hope for, and take it from me, being arrested really fucking sucks. While in my case I had a massive problem at the time, all it takes is one night of perfectly non-pathological drinking to screw up your entire year, or maybe your entire life.
Put a cab company’s number in your cell, and use it. I wish like hell I would have.
Comments
203 Responses to “Fallout”
You are brave and strong, and I’m so glad this is an experience in your past and not in your present. I am proud that I know you even a little.
Oh my god.
That is powerful.
Thank you for sharing it. And, thank you for making the decision to go “the right way” with your future. You deserve a happy ending.
Thank you, love, for this warning. You are brave. AL
A good friend of mine went through something like this, but she got into a wreck–a head-on collision with another car. Broke her leg in multiple places, knocked all her front teeth out. The people she ran into were also drinking and driving. In the hospital, they handcuffed her to her bed. Then the next morning they took her out of the hospital and put her in a jail cell all day. Wouldn’t give her any pain meds for her broken bones. She screamed in pain for hours and hours. She’s still paying off her fines, and that was years ago.
After that happened, I developed a horror of drinking and driving. If I drink when I go out, I have one and one only. There is a cab number in my cell phone.
It took courage for you to admit that. I’m happy that you got to a place where you could, and I hope it helps put the secret and guilt of it to rest for you. At the risk of sounding cheesy, now hopefully you can put it in the past and move on without the burden of it looming. Maybe some day you can even share the tale with your little guy and help him understand that reckless actions can have serious repercussions. Maybe.
In any case, you’re not the only one with a looming mass of a secret. You just found the courage to share it. That was very brave.
You’ll sleep better tonight.
1) Because you now have this out.
2) Because you’ll make me rethink EVER getting behind the wheel, even if I think I’m “just a little tipsy”.
Thank you.
You know what, everyone makes mistakes. Your ability to own up to them and use your experience as a message to others speaks volumes.
Good for you for getting help and doing well :).
My husband’s therapist told him a beautiful thing the other day, “You are not a bad person, you are a great person who has a problem.”
He is so right.
:)
I planned a trip to Walt Disney World for my 26th birthday. My fave auntie went with me to also celebrate her 37th birthday. The night before my actual b-day I got blind stinkin’ drunk and made a complete ass of myself (or so I’m told, I don’t remember any of it). I spent my birthday embarrassed, hung over like a rude dog and trying not to throw up on the Star Wars virtual reality ride. I haven’t had a drink since.
It took a lot of courage to write about your ordeal, I don’t think I could be that strong had it happened to me. Kudos to you!
I hope the frozen place inside of you where your secret lay hidden is thawing with relief. No one is pefect and we all make mistakes. (That is such an overused phrase, but only because it is the truth.) Your discipline to stay sober is something to be proud of, and I am sure there are many readers who will read this and relate and learn. Smile, we all still love you to bits and bits!
thank you for sharing. really.
Yes, thanks for sharing. I quit drinking in October of 2005, after I passed out on an early Sunday morning, alone, in my underwear, in my apartment, and split my head open. Once I regained consciousness and gathered my wits enough to clean myself up (blood had poured down my face and chest, and all over the floor), put on some clothes and patch up the wound with about 8 Band-Aids, I hailed a taxi and took myself to the closest hospital. I spent a day alone in the Emergency Room, and lied to everyone about how I got the four inch stitched-up gash across my forehead. In fact, to this day, the only person who knows where the scar really came from is my husband.
I’m really glad that you are one that learned from your mistakes and looks to help others before they make one. I used to be good friends with a guy who made a big mistake as well. He suffered jail time and the embarassment that comes along with his mistakes. He, however, continues to drink to this day and finds it amusing. And instead of helping people, he contributes to their drinking as well. It’s a sad story and it just goes to show you what a huge monster alcohol truly is….
I am proud of you. You are an AMAZING woman.
Hi, L — thank you, as always, for being brutally honesty about yourself. Your timing, for me, was impeccable. I’m very sorry this happened in order for you to get where you are, but I’m also glad that, as you pointed out, it was only an arrest and not something more (not trying to minimize it at all — it sounds horrific and just imagining you in that situation makes me squirm). I’m glad it is behind you, but that it is also in the forefront of your mind enough to share it with us. I heart you.
There but for the grace of God go I, and many, many other people I know. I even knew a person who was killed because she drove drunk, and still I’ve done it over and over.
Alcohol equals terrible decisions for me, and I need to quit drinking to excess. You are not alone, and thank you for letting me know I’m not either.
Been there, done that. The usual problem is by the time you are too drunk to drive you are way past the point of making that decision. Good post.
I would like to give you a hug, but alas, I cannot, because technology has not developed that far yet. So I will raise a bottle of Gatorade to you tonight (FREE Gatorade, at that — yum!) for being strong and not letting a shitty situation get you down. And hey, at least you got it behind you before Riley was old enough to know what was going on, right? That’s gotta count for something.
I haven’t driven drunk in nearly 20 years. But between 19 and 23 I probably did it 10 to 20 times. There but for the grace of God indeed.
Linda you have worked hard to get your shit together. You have nothing to be ashamed of, you should be proud the way you have faced this whole thing.
Thank you for talking about this. It seems like the pat answer is always “Oh, I’d never drink and drive”, and to admit anything else is pretty much unthinkable. It takes a lot of courage to admit this.
“…when a secret lives within you like a poisonous iceberg, its mass mostly hidden even from your own eyes—too painful to look at, too embarrassing to tell—it creates weight with your soul. I wanted to tell you this secret, to pull it from the frozen place in my memory, shine a light on its surface, and admit its truth.”
Thank you for this post — not only for the lesson about drinking and driving, but also for the message about secrets. How I wish I had realized this earlier in my life.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. Though I hate to admit it, there have been several times when I have driven while more than a little tipsy. You have really made me think about how stupid that is.
Thank you for being so brave!
I would imagine if you haven’t saved lives or grievous injury today, you’ve saved jobs, reputations, relationships, and the above-mentioned thousands of dollars. Your testimonial should also be required reading in driver’s ed classes since celebrities are teaching young people that drinking/drugging and driving is a rite of passage when they, more than anyone, have the money to call a cab — hell, or hire a driver for the night.
Despite the expense and the disruption, I hope you don’t feel you were treated too harshly, even for a first offense. You changed your life for the better as a result, but so many people don’t. The first arrest should be a wake-up call; I don’t believe people should get another chance after a second arrest. Habitual drunk drivers are like pedophiles: They can’t be rehabilitated, and their risk to others will only escalate.
I really respect that you put this out there, and then wrote about it so well and so openly. Somehow it’s even more intense that you went through so much of it while pregnant - I don’t know even what to say really, I can’t imagine. Thank you for sharing this.
Wow. You are very brave and I so admire you. There has been so much in the news about drunk driving lately… celebrities doing it, people who have been hurt by it and now your story of what it is really like to be caught. I have come to the realization that I can NEVER drive after even having only one drink. There have been times in my past when I have driven when I probably shouldn’t have, and it’s only by pure luck that your story wasn’t mine as well. Thanks for sharing.
Congratulations for conquering your demons. You have built a wonderful life for you, JB and Riley and you deserve to enjoy it!
I’d be interested in hearing, though, how you happened to be driving that night. Where were the friends who should have kept you from being behind the wheel?
Wow. I’m floored. Not by the admission, but by the strength it took for you to share this experience. I’m so impressed and moved by this entry. Just days ago I handed keys to a friend I knew shouldn’t be driving. He made it home okay, but I’ve felt like a total arse for not standing up to/for him. I’m not saying I’ll have the gumption next time, but I know I will certainly think twice.
Again, wow. Thank you for sharing this, stranger that you are to me, you have made an impression.
It took a lot of courage to post this, Linda. Thank you for sharing an undoubtedly embarrassing and painful memory with us so that we may learn by your example.
I’m so glad that you didn’t hurt, or God forbid, kill anyone. That guilt would not have been so easily assuaged.
I’m also glad to know that you learned the valuable lesson in all that mess. So many of us turn a blind eye to the lesson and instead, blame others or those pesky “circumstances” that led to the mistake.
Sheesh. This therapy minute brought to you by “I’m not a shrink, but I’ve paid a helluva lot of money to one.”
Thank you for your story. And thank you to the commenters, this is easy troll territory.
You are terribly brave, and I thank you for sharing your experience. You should be so proud of the woman, wife, mother and friend you are today.
This entry was AWESOME. Thank you so, so, so much for sharing it! I am so sorry you had to go through that but so glad that the ultimate outcome was positive.
OMG.
Wow…you are brave for telling the internet.
Thank you for sharing.
Someone somewhere will learn from it.
When I was 14 years old (so, like, a million years ago!), I was riding on the back of a motorcycle with no helmet. I KNOW! But there was no helmet law and, you know, I was 14 and thought I was invincible. Actually, the probability of an accident never crossed my mind at all. We were driving down a 45 mph road in Oly and a woman pulled out in front of us. She stared right at us and started to slow down so the driver of the bike tried to go around in front of her. She sped up, hitting us ~ causing us to hit her. Whatever the case, the driver was shoved into the fuel tank (thankfully he can still have children. He has 4!) and I was ejected off the back of the bike, flew for approximately 50 ft and came to a grinding halt against the concrete. Coma, broken limbs, broken face (the gross part is that my eye palette fell and my eye fell back in my head. I have no memory of this, but it sounds creepy, huh?), road rash, plastic surgery, tubes hanging out of my nose (strategically taped to my forehead was a water weenie that came out of my nose. The look was very hip.). Ok, so I lived and I have no ill after effects from any of that.
I had to tell the story of what happened before I could get to the woman driver. She was drinking. She was, by today’s standards, over the limit. But then, when the laws were different… She had been in 5 accidents PRIOR to nearly killing us. Every time her license had been restored. She never called the hospital to ask how I was. She never sent flowers. She didn’t call my mom to apologize. She sent a letter though. In the letter she calls me ‘The Girl’, she didn’t use my name at all. She asked that my mother sign a waiver absolving her of her part in the accident so that she could get her license back. Her excuse was that she doesn’t live on a bus route and she had to drive her children to school. Well what on earth was this woman doing driving drunk @ 5:50pm on a Thursday for?
Drinking and driving is no joke. It is deadly serious. I am really proud of you for all you did to quit drinking ~ and for posting about it all. Not just this post about the DUI, but all the bravery you have shown putting your struggles out there. You are amazing, and you should know it.
(((((— big cyber hug —))))
You have tremendous personal courage, AND a big heart for wanting to talk about your experiences so you can help others. I tend to beat myself for my mistakes, and I have to keep reminding myself of the old adage: “Good judgment comes from experience; and sometimes, experience comes from the exercise of poor judgment.” The best thing we can possibly do when we make a mistake is to learn its lessons.
When I think of the problems my “poor judgment” could have caused during my drinking days in my teens and twenties, I thank God on bended knees for my life, and that I didn’t injure myself or anyone else, or much much worse. I really appreciate all that I have.
Are depressing thoughts in your mind more these days because of the tension of the remodel, by any chance?
Janet in Miami
Thank you for sharing.
I had a come to moment but nothing like that - It was New Year’s 2004 and I hated my place in life. I was newly and happily married but I hated my job, my family to some degree, and my husband’s “job” and all the people associated with it (semi pro hockey did not agree with me…) I got unmercifully drunk while watching his New Year’s game. Basically by myself - well if you count the two young men whom I sat with and chatted up the whole time. I do not remember anything about the evening, my poor husband feared for my life and said he wanted to take me to the ER to have my stomach pumped he was so scared of and for me and I was horribly rude to him apparently.
The next day I was so ill I could not come out from under my covers to see what the new year brought to me AND I finally threw up at 5:00p that evening. I was mortified that I was still doing that at the age of 30 so I stopped doing it. I do occasionally have a drink but never more then 1 and usually only at my home with my husband together. I fear being that way again and I fear further the consequences of those actions beyond that but mostly I would hurt my son on so many levels more then it could ever hurt me financially.
Thank you for sharing once again.
You’re very brave to put this out there. Thank you.
Sundry, you never cease to amaze me. Thank you for telling your story. I applaud your courage and your candor.
“Bad Things That Can Happen ” ??? Really? Is that what you call it? You were seven months pregnant and DRUNK? You are not brave. Nor are you strong. You are a weak, selfish human being. I am done reading your crap. You deserve what you got. Thank God your son is alive and healthy.
Love you.
Thank you Linda for being a terrific person. My little brother-in-law has a drinking problem that everybody wants to skirt around. He had two DWI and countless minor-in-possessions before he even turned 20. He had mommy and daddy pay the thousands and thousands of dollars to bail him out of trouble. He lost his license for five years. He still drinks (he goes home and drinks a 12-pack because he’s “bored”) and beats up women but the in-laws and him swear he does not have a drinking problem. They swear up and down it’s just the cops out to get him. NICE. He’s only 25.
Linda, you are amazing to tell us and thank you for doing so. Thank you for being so strong and an inspiration to so many of us.
I am sorry to hear this you had to experience this unfortunate circumstance. Fortunately it made you a stronger person in the end. I also want to extend my compliments to JB for taking care of you when you really needed him. It’s so important to have a husband who is always there for you, forgives you, and believes in you. You are both lucky to have each other.
Oh, I so, so, so empathize. My husband and I have both gone through something similar, at different times in our lives. It is the scariest, most humiliating thing. And I had the exact same reaction as you. I started screaming and crying, and they had to put me away in this little room while I waited for someone to come get me. God, it was horrific.
This takes balls, dude. Big, hairy in-your-face balls, and I mean that in the best way possible. For that, you should be very proud.
xoxoxo
Um. Maybe I’m missing something, but I’m pretty sure that the night that Sundry spent in jail when she was 7 months pregnant was part of her sentence, not the evening she was arrested.
Ah, I think most of us got that you weren’t pregnant at the time. No worries.
I liked this post. If you hadn’t mentioned it, it wouldn’t have occurred to me that this would be the sort of post to bring the trolls out—it’s not as if you sat here and blamed anyone else for what happened. It’s simply a post about mistakes, and who doesn’t make those? Kudos to you for owning yours. There’s nothing trainwrecky about that at all.
Yes, I agree with the prevailing sentiment here; what you did in talking about this took a lot of guts and courage. In doing so you have admitted something you aren’t at all proud of and yet it will help others see the forest for the trees when they are in this situation. I had a friend who got drunk (really really drunk) and then got in his friends brand new car and drove it home, on the way he slammed into some parked cars because he passed out (thankfully no one was hurt). The cops showed up and took him to jail for the night. But he told no one of this incident for over 2 years until he finally admitted to me that there was a warrant out for his arrest because he never went back to court and ignored all the court notices. By the time he admitted this it had snowballed into a much bigger issue, he had also ignored court orders that pertained to the damage that he has caused (the car owners were now trying to sue him). It took a long time and a lot of money to finally get out from under the financial burden of the charges. Sadly I don’t think he learned anything from the experience. He did stop drinking but now denies that drinking was the real reason for the accident.
I am impressed that you have taken responsibility for the whole enchilada.
Thanks Linda, you rock (you can still rock with a 1 year old).
I want to emphasize that I “had” this person as a friend, I ultimately found that I could not be friends with someone like this, someone who will never take responsibility for their actions.
You wrote that so well. It made me read slow and take seriously.
You are one amazing human being. I’ve been reading your site for over a year and this post compelled me to finally delurk. Linda, you truly are a beautiful person with a fuckload of courage. Rock on my sister.
I’m glad you shared your story. Something similar happened to a close friend of mine…he got lucky on the license part, because the cop who arrested him was stupid and didn’t follow procedure, but it was a very sobering experience for him as well. Drinking and driving is irresponsible, true, but the only thing that separates you from a lot of the rest of us is that you got caught. I know my friend’s experience helped the rest of us to have some better judgment. I know your story will do the same for a lot of your readers (and let’s face it, is a good reminder for those of us who don’t get our party on that often and therefore have especially poor judgment when we do.)
You appear to have your shit together, or at least more than a lot of people do, you have a great hubby and child, so no more beating yourself up about the past, ok?
You are a very brave woman. Thank you for sharing this - I really believe that in doing so you will have made the difference to at least one person.
I was “lucky” in that I didn’t get my licence until after I’d had my daughter (I was 23), so the occasion never arose for me. My sense of responsibility changed bigtime after I became a mother, which was just as well because I was a reckless idiot beforehand. But I have sat through my younger brother’s conference which was part of his sentence after he was done for DUI, and it was unbelievably powerful stuff, with mothers and other relatives of victims of drunk-drivers telling their side of the story. Not an easy thing to admit to, and I honour you for doing so.
I can’t believe somebody trolled you for that…and because they didn’t read it carefully!! Morons….
Amazing, powerful story. People may say you’re brave for telling it, but I find the ability to stick to the commitment of no alcohol and take responsibility for your bad judgement is the more impressive act. I also am curious, what was the story of you driving that night? Was this why you took that medication that interfered with breastfeeding? Was that medication ordered by the court?
I would point out it’s also an act of good parenting to take responsibility for your actions.
You have my word, m’lady. Absolutely.
While I do commend you for sharing your story, I don’t understand the “hugs” you’re getting from other commenters. You know drinking and driving is wrong and a horrible thing to do, but you did it anyway, putting your own life and, more importantly, the lives of every other person on the road in danger. And while I’m sure other people have been there and can empathize, that doesn’t make it any better. And while it may have been an “unfortunate circumstance” it was your own damn fault.
I agree with jonniker regarding the giant hairy balls.
Oh, you are lucky, lucky, lucky that JB supported you through this. Obviously, he loved you an unbelievable amount and had a lot of hope for you.
Compared to my ex-husband’s DUI experience in Kentucky in 2002 (in which he was in a single-car accident), Washington DOES NOT FUCK AROUND. He spent a few hours in the drunk tank, paid a smallish fine and had to go to classes before getting his license reinstated. Last I heard he still had not completed the classes and so did not have his license back. No jail time, no victims’ panel, no community service, no interlock.
On the other hand, you learned a lesson. He did not.
Wow. That must have really hurt to write. I have so much respect for you, having gone through that and come out the other side having learned a lesson. Just, wow. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you.
This will help someone. Probably already has.
Wow - powerful post! I have to admire a person who will take responsibility for her actions! Thanks for sharing this low point in your life with all of us - very brave.
I learned in college that my tolerance for alcohol is VERY low (2 drinks will make me puke), so have thankfully never driven drunk. I hope you’re able to be honest with Riley when he’s old enough to understand so he can learn from your mistakes. Like Ozzy Osbourne’s kids. Oh, wait…
Bummer. I have some alcohol problems too. On Friday I went over to my friends house to help him get ready for a big ass cookout he was hosting on Saturday. I drank heavily, long into the night. I guess I downed a twelve pack, a pint of Jack, and five or six Jager bombs. Well I woke up late and rushed out the door to try and make it to my brothers high school graduation. Apparently I was still buzzing, because after I got pulled for speeding, I blew a 0.12 BAC. So I got arrested, and processed through the jail, and lost my liscence, and am now facing a DWI charge. I can’t take the bus from where I live. We don’t have a public transportation service in my town. I now have to spend at least the next month driving with no ID. So yeah Linda, I feel your pain on this issue. Hell, booze was the reason I got a felony charge in ‘03. I had been doing really well at staying out of trouble and not breaking very many laws since then, but it looks like I’ve got a whole lot of trouble and law breakage to deal with in my near future. I do sort of feel like a piece of shit now. Sometimes I wish I was the sort of person who could just be normal and average and bang out a marriage and make some sort of suburban life without always turning my life into a steaming pile of shit. But as long as I can remember, right when I think things are turning around for me, something new happens and everything falls apart. It’s really depressing, but fuck it. I’ll do the best I can, and just expect to never see any results in my life. Not everybody is meant to have a perfect life.
@ Mary,
I think the point of her posting this was to, you know, OWN IT. Duh.
Oria,
Um, yeah, I was directing my comment at the other commenters who were giving her “hugs” and saying it was an “unfortunate circumstance”. Hugs for what? I commend Sundry for “owning it” but I don’t think there’s any reason to give “hugs” for something she put on herself.
Thank you for the post, it was honest, and painful to read. I hope you find the peace you seek.
Wooo, stupid trolls.
I’ve driven when I shouldn’t have, and I could have written this post except that I got lucky and made it home without incident. Well I could have had similar experiences and then written much less coherently about it, but hopefully you get my point. No stones are going to be thrown by this monkey.
I’m glad it was only an arrest and sorry that it happened at all. Good for you for having the guts to put it out there.
1. I admit I did not read everyone else’s comment.
2. You are very brave for sharing.
3. You are very strong for growing as you have.
4. I was shocked by your story since the people I have know in Virginia who have had one or more DUIs didn’t have an experience nearly as punishing as yours. That is sad, since they continue to make bad decisions, and your experience caused you to change.
Hearing this from someone like you means so much more than hearing it from a phony celebrity spokesperson or media “public service” forum. You are one of my heroes.
Mary,
I think people are hugging her because it took her guts to own it while others troll it.
Thank you for sharing.
I am sending your entry to my mom, Linda. She needs to read it.
You are taking something bad and turning it into something good.
I know Internet hugs don’t mean a lot, but if I were there I would give you a great big one.
Hugs!
I’mnot sure what Mary’s point was, other than to piss all over your message and the response you’re getting. Two assmonkeys out of all these responses isn’t too bad.
Throw me into the hugs category, because I don’t believe at any point have you minimized your responsibility or the seriousness of your actions. Criticisms from people who can’t even attach an email address or URL to their “names” probably don’t carry a great deal of credibility in a discussion about personal responsibility.
Good post, Linda. This is what blogging is about when it is at its best.
Dear. God.
You are brave and honestly, pretty selfless for doing this. You had no obligation but your own goodwill. Good for you, and of course thank you for sharing.
I can’t imagine the humiliation you endured in that cell, being 7 months pregnant. Again - Dear. God.
Talk about character building. Quite literally, and very, very obviously, Linda.
A good mother has both balls of steel and experience to share, right?
Sundry.
You are a fucking awesome woman. The hardest thing to do is face what you’ve done in the past and then publically acknowledge it. My hat is off to you. I can’t tell you how incredibly proud and happy for you just reading this makes me.
I ask this without an ounce of sarcasm - did it help to write about this? I’ve been thinking about doing a similar entry and have been too chicken.
And it was a powerful post and hopefully sent a message to those who might need it. I myself have only been lucky that I didn’t go through the same exact thing or worse. Now I’m really careful.
I also agree with another commenter that the real kudos go to you for being strong against your addiction. I wish I had that kind of resolve so I’ll not only give you a hug I’ll thrown in a playful slap on the ass!
Linda, I’m sorry you got one or two judgmental commenters. I am really glad you posted this. It’s extremely valuable. I respect you not only for posting but also for describing the ordeal in explicit, riveting detail.
Thank you, Sundry. You did good. I am not a e-hugger, but were I, I would totally throw some brackets your way.
Uh, I’m still allowed to make fun of Paris Hilton, though, right?
That was very cool of you to write this all out and admit all that. It is hard for most people to admit the hard parts of their lives to just immediate friends much less the internet at large. Thanks for sharing your experiences and what you learned from them. I really hope it helps others! I think it helps all your readers, to some extent, though, because these types of entries remind us all that it’s okay to let go of secrets, to put stuff out there, because afterwards not only will everyone still like you, but they’ll respect you all the more for being honest with yourself and others, honest enough to face experiences head on, instead of forever trying to sweep them under the rug. And that’s a really awesome skill to have in life.
Mary: she did it when she knew it was wrong because she has a disease called alcoholism. Part of alcoholism is denial of even having a problem. I know- my mother is an alcoholic. She will tell you that she’s not.
Sundry is now a recovering alcoholic, which is why she’s telling all of us this. A recovering alcoholic recognizes their mistakes. Most of them try to help the rest of us that they see making those same mistakes, like Sundry.
She deserves praise because she’s turning something bad into something good. You ever hear of a motivational speaker?
Educate yourself on the issue before offering comment. Cause otherwise, you just end up looking like an ass. And at least give us an email address to contact you instead of using Sundry’s comments- cause otherwise you look like a coward.
You want to take my comments up with me, my email address is listed. I won’t look for any response from you here.
This makes me even more glad that the other night, when I was at a friend’s house, I refused to partake in ANY alcohol. Not even a sip. Instead, I got home safetly and still had a fun night.
I just wish I could get my best friend to do the same..
This was a very brave post. I admire your conviction in writing it and hoped it has helped the healing process.
I’ve noticed some of the other comments are surprised with how severe DUI sentencing is. A good friend of my boyfriend’s recently got pulled over a DUI - a mere 2 blocks from home. He’s currently without a license and sober. He didn’t think it was that big of a deal at first - until he started finding out all the reprecussions of drinking and driving in the state of Washington. Washington has the toughest DUI laws in the country - and as of July 1, anyone who is charged with 3 DUI’s in a ten year span automatically gets served with a felony.
Wow…thanks for sharing that.
Wow, it really takes a lot of guts to open up to us like that. Good for you!
It is wonderful that you are recovered too.
You get a big cyber hug from me too!
*at a loss for words*
All I can say is that I’m sorry that you had to go through that, that your family had to go through that….It must have been so difficult.
I am happy that you chose to change and chose to share this with us. Thank you, thank you and thank you.
You are SO brave that it sometimes boggles my mind.
Thanks for sharing that…I hope theres not too many reminders around now of what happened, because you deserve to live in the present and not the past.
This is the main reason why I keep coming back to your blog, day after day, sometimes checking it multiple times a day to see if you’ve updated.
You are real, and raw and brutally honest, and I admire you for that. I know this post probably took a lot of courage to write, and I appreciate you for that. Kind of hard to wrap my head around since I only know ‘you’ through what you write, but I relate to you in so many ways it’s not even funny.
Thank you so much for sharing this - you’ve made me think twice about some of the choices I have made in my life, and have affected some choices I will make in the future. And seriously, I mean it, thank you.
You get hugs from me, girl. Everyone makes mistakes. Big and small. What’s important is that you learned from it and you are talking to others about it in an effort to share your knowledge. Thank God you didn’t hurt yourself or someone else that night…and you have so many wonderful things in your life now that you could have lost. I deeply understand your need to talk about it.
For the negative comments (thankfully not many), I think everyone needs love and affection - even those who have made huge mistakes. So our Sundry hit rock bottom and she is brave enough to throw it out there for everyone to see. Personally I think giving her a hand and helping her up is vasting more productive than sh#ting all over her. Not one of us is perfect.
Thanks for sharing, Linda. I had an unfortunate experience back in 2003 that’s made me overly paranoid about drunk driving laws…my husband and I had met up for dinner/drinks with family. We drove separately, and when we left, I questioned his ability to drive, but he assured me he was fine. I definitely should have known better–when you know someone that well, you can tell when they’ve crossed the line and lack adequate judgment (not to remove any of the blame from him, but I realize that I was at fault, too). Stupidly, however, I let him get into his own car, and he was following me home when he got pulled over for a broken tail light. The officer smelled alcohol on his breath, and the rest is history.
In the state we lived in then, the consequences of a DUI arrest are much less serious, but it was still no walk in the park. He didn’t spend any time in jail–they booked him at the hospital they took him to to perform the blood test (no breathalyzer, for some reason). I drove him home from there, and he had a court appearance several months later, at which he lost his license for 30 days, was ordered to take a class, and had to pay well over a thousand dollars (which we certainly didn’t have at the time) in fines. Amazingly, his insurance was never affected (though we moved to an area where we no longer drive before it was up for renewal that year–I think it would have been when they re-evaluated him). The worst part, however, was the shame and embarrassment. We were too humiliated to tell any of our friends and family, and those who found out were incredibly disappointed in both of us.
All this to say that a momentary lapse in judgment (both of the sober person and the one who might just be one sip over the legal limit) can affect your life forever, even if the consequences aren’t as sever as Linda’s.
I can’t say this any better than a lot of the previous commenters have… You are totally remarkable and strong. Thank you for sharing.
I have never commented here before, but I feel pulled out of my vaguely stalker-esque? quiet by this post.
Both of my father’s parents were alcoholics. After being abusive to the entire family, his father left, and he was a teenager when his mother was found dead in a pool of fluids that her liver could no longer process.
When I was a little girl, my father became an alcoholic. It was the reason that my parents divorced, and the reason that he became emotionally distant, and the reason my relationship with him now is only a shadow’s barest outline of what a child’s relationship to their parent should be.
Two months into my freshman year of college, my roommate was killed by a drunk driver.
Now, I am 24. I have never had a drink of alcohol, and I doubt I ever will. I recognize that it’s possible to consume alcohol in moderation and to be responsible, but I recognize in myself too many risks. I not only have the genetic predisposition on my side, but I know that I have obsessive tendencies, and continually find myself with a desire to escape as completely as I can whenever something starts going wrong.
This is the reality of alcohol to me, and I am profoundly grateful to those who are open and honest about the truths of their realities. What you’ve written is powerful and important, and it means a great deal to me to see it said “out loud.” Your ownership and your honesty will make some people think twice, and no one will ever be able to count the number of people whose lives will be saved or made better or just more thoughtful because of it.
[…] I really don’t have anything to write about so I’m going to just link Sundry’s latest entry and tell y’all to go have a read. I always knew she was a kick-ass writer, but her entry for today made me realize how much I miss what used to be fantastic about online journals. A long time ago people were able to be honest in their journals and others who read them would actually learn from them, empathize with them, or at the very least get a different perspective on another person’s life. Unfortunately, the world has gotten mean(er) and a lot of us who do this crazy thing called online journaling tend to not share like we used to. I guess it’s true when they say that one rotten apple spoils the whole bushel. But kudo’s to Sundry for sharing a very personal story and I hope a shit-load of people learn from it. […]
Ditto on the sentiments of all those that have shown you support. I do have a question for you though-how do you keep from wanting to rip the screen off the computer when people blast you? What you did was wrong (I’m pretty sure you fessed up to that way up top there)-why the hell can’t they see your post for what it is and not make things worse by posting stupid comments?
I read this in shock and awe. Thank you for telling us about this. That was very brave of you. And I’m so glad to see that you are no longer drinking. This was a hard lesson to learn for sure. I have seen alcohol destroy many people’s lives…even some of my family members. (More of my family than I’d like to admit.) People have sometimes thought me strange for not really liking alcohol, but most of the reason I don’t like it is I see all the bad things that come from it. Again, thank you.
Hi! Extremely long time reader, first time poster… and I just wanted to tell you how much I applaud your post, and know it took balls to say what you did. I just turned 21 years old in March, and on the night that perhaps I should have kicked one or two back and had a great time relishing in my freedom of being the legal age to drink… I didn’t. I couldn’t stop thinking about one person the whole entire day. My childhoold friend, Janakae died last November in an automobile accident. She was the designated driver that night, and took someone home that had too much to drink. On her way home, a lady ran the red light, and died instantly. She was drunk. Jana never came to, again, and they shut the machines off a few days later. She died two months before her 21st birthday. There’s hardly a day that goes by that I don’t think of her, and try to grip the fact that life took her at such a young age, and at such a horrible price. Thank you for telling your story…. I hope people who read this will realize that drunk driving is an epidemic… and that too many lives are being lost at an alarming rate just because of not making a simple decision and being responsible to one’s self.
I am so proud of you! I probably started reading right about the time this happened and I could always tell there was some sort of secret you kept surrounding alcohol. I am so glad you have chosen to release yourself from that bondage. You are absolutely right, secrets are toxic. It takes a strong person to admit a mistake.
Also - congratulations for chosing the path of life instead of the darker path you could have chosen after your DUII. Riley and JB are so lucky to have you, and so are all of us for that matter.
Thank you for sharing such a personal, powerful story.
My dad was killed by a drunk driver.
Thank you for posting your story and helping to let people know how devastating their actions can be.
I bet it was a hard decision.
Delurking to thank you for sharing what I know must be a painful memory. With your story, you may have actually saved lives. For that, I am thankful to you.
Now, as for you, Mary. It is so nice to know that there are folks out there that don’t need hugs and reassurances when they tell a painful story about their own mistake, that may open them to just that kind of criticism. I, for one, need to know that when I screw up, as apparently you have NEVER done, others still care for me and are willing to show that with hugs, either real or the internet kind. I don’t know about you, but when MY kid comes to me and says that he screwed up…he may still get punished (as Sundry was), but he also gets a hug that says to him that he is not the first or the last to do so and that I love him anyway. And, should he go on to try and take a negative experience, especially a self inflicted one, and turn it into something positive by sharing it with others, he would get a hearty hug and told that I am proud of him! Since I don’t know you, Sundry, I will only add that you have my respect.
One thing I wonder about Linda is how JB dealt with a suddenly sober wife after years of dealing with a alcohol fueled personality. Most marriages break up when one of the participants sobers up I’ve heard, not because the other one wants the drunk to be drunk, but because they don’t really KNOW the newly sober person.
Congrats on telling the story. Hope it is another one of the zombies in your life you have now driven a stake through its heart
Lady, you are an amazing person. I am glad that you told it even though I’m not glad it happened to you. I think everything happens for a reason, and you surely must be fulfilling that by writing this blog entry and causing people to think about their actions and consequences. I admire you so much.
Thank you for sharing this story. It is a powerful story that has already obviously affected many people who have read it. It is incredibly brave of you to share with us. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
I really admire you, Linda. Geez, that sounds weak, but I truly mean it. Thanks for this post.
One of the smartest people I know and former roommate was arrested for a DUI… twice. He’s so smart and knows better and is barely what anyone would consider an alcoholic. But he made some unwise decisions. He’s living in Japan now and although his record is clear, the entire thing still eats at him much the same way you described. Whenever my friends and U drink now, we usually end up saying something to the effect of, “Let’s not end up like Steve; who’s driving tonight?” Luckily, we can all learn from mistakes. Great entry.
I love you for your honesty and courage. I know that it was a painful ordeal for you and JB and probably will remain etched in your minds, albeit more lightly as time passes, for the rest of your lives.
I have walked in JB’s shoes and it was the most unpleasant experience of my life. When I was 8 months pregnant, I received a call one Friday night at 2 a.m. to come down to the state police barracks to pick up my husband who had been arrested for a DUI. He had been out with his coworkers celebrating his final day at his job. In true frat boy fashion, he didn’t know when to stop and continued to accept drinks left and right, despite the hour-long drive home that lay ahead.
I had never been more disappointed in a person or situation in my entire life. As I drove to the station, all I could think was that it had better be a mistake. Bleary eyed, talking to the sergeant, I realized that our high flying world was about to come crashing down. The experience exposed the fragileness of our life together. What if he had been in an accident? What if someone else had been hurt? What if he had died? What if our daughter-to-be would never know her father because of his mistake? And how the hell could he make such a stupid mistake one month away from becoming a father? Then, the heartache of all the court appearances, and the huge financial hit we took in court fees, insurance etc. blew through our pre-baby savings. At my lowest point I lied to my parents so we could borrow money to cover his lawyer–I told them it was to pay for husband’s school tuition. It would have broken my heart to tell them the awful truth.
The month that followed was awful. Husband had just started a new job and almost lost it because of all the court appearances (aka doctor’s appointments). Each day I drove an extra 30 mins each way on top of my already hour-long commute so that he could get to and from work. My pregnant body was pushed to it’s limit. The night I went into labor, my husband broke the law and drove on a suspended license to get me to the hospital. If he had been caught, he would have gone to jail. He knew the risk he was taking.
We haven’t told anyone about this ordeal. It feels good to get it off my chest here, because I know that if we were to tell any of our friends and family we would be judged endlessly. I admire you for putting your ordeal out there in public. Fearless Linda, I wish I had your courage!
It does take a strong person to share a story like that. It’s not as if you are putting something you are proud of out there for all to see. I admire your courage and the fact that you’ve been able to make changes in your life.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Wow.
I don’t pretend tho think that my comment will stand out among over 100 others, but this post was remarkable.
My dad was killed by a drunk State Trooper when I was three. And that State Trooper didn’t get NEARLY as harsh of a sentance that you did.
He got a fine.
A fucking fine. And I doubt he learned anything from it.
But you did. And while this is a strong issue for me, I will tell you that I’m proud of you for talking about it. For pulling your head out from the sand and making sure no one goes through what you did. Or worse. I’m also proud of JB for helping you get through everything and standing by you. And I’m proud of you both for being such wonderful parents to Riley and creating a nuturing family unit.
Bless you.
I can only really parrot what others have said before me - chances are they said it more poetically too. It was very brave of you to share this with all of us. Thank you for that. I now have a cab company in my phone.
I went thru the same thing one month after getting married. It was a terrifying, expensive, and annoying ordeal. My story was very, very similar to yours; when I was screaming in jail, it was a shrill chant of “I’m not supposed to be here! I’m not supposed to be here!” I can remember sitting in the alcohol classes looking around at the people in there just sick to my stomach that I was in any way in the same category as them.
It was most definitely a harsh enough experience to never want to consider doing it again. I could not fathom those people in class with me that were there for the fourth or fifth go ’round.
It has been long enough ago for me that I hadn’t thought about it for a while. I can’t imagine the added stress of pregnancy during the process.
Mary may not want to hug you but I do, and I grew up with a hard core alcoholic who drove drunk constantly. Had a flask and bottles under the drivers seat. In those days there were no Breathalyzers, no road checks, no laws. We thought it was normal.
Mom hit rock bottom so many times we lost count. After twenty years she found a bottom she couldn’t live with and kicked the habit.
Eventually, my mother died of oral cancer caused by a lethal long term combination of cigarettes and alcohol. I hugged her many many times through this terrible ordeal and forgave everything but those legally available addictive substances.
I’ve lived with an alcoholic, loved an alcoholic, forgiven and witnessed immense courage in an ex-alcoholic. So hugs to you Linda. You are to be commended for this post.
I think you are incredibly brave to share your experiences. It’s wonderful that you are able to admit your mistakes and try to help other people. I am always getting on people I know about drinking and driving, but it’s not the same as it is coming from someone who has been through it.
Sundry: thank you.
Isn’t there some overdone saying about “it’s not what happens in your life that’s important… blah blah… it’s what you DO with what happens…”?
We all make mistakes, big and small, and of course some more than others. But allowing and encouraging others to learn from your own mistakes, that takes courage. Much more courage than, say, the alternative, which would be to hide that experience away in a dark place and hope nobody uncovers it.
Again, thanks.
A timely and stunning story. Alcoholism runs in my family, and I have seen too many people I love struggle with that awful monster, whose grasp is so difficult to from which to escape.
I put up a short link to this entry, if you’re alright with that, on my blog for my “Tuesday Thanks” feature. I’m working on being more grateful, and your entry split me in two, so to speak. I’m so affected by it, and in the best way a person can be.
Hi,
I’ve been thinking about your entry and finally decided to comment. I wanted you to know that I knew you once had a problem, and that you and JB decided to not drink anymore, and I read that one entry you took down about the whole thing. I never thought it was a dramatic change, I never thought you had gone through something so traumatic (and, I know! Thank god it was only an arrest.)
I guess I just wanted you to know that I appreciate you sharing the truth about yourself. I think it’s important stuff.
Cynthea
You spent a night in jail? Sundry, I never knew you were such a badass.
But seriously, I do know people who drink and drive, thanks for sharing this.
You rock.
your brave for sharing. it takes a big person to learn from their mistakes, costly ones are the ones we learn from most. i’m happy no one was hurt physically. mentally i’m sure the whole situation put you through the ringer. congrats again on your sobriety.
Anything I would have wanted to say has already been said…and probably better than I could have worded it.
All I can say is thank you for your bravery.
That had to have been ridiculously difficult to write, and I admire you for it.
Linda,
Like many of your “daily faithful” readers, I am so impressed by your candour and courage in sharing this story with such realism. It sounds as though you’ve already had an incredibly positive impact. You go, girl!!!
Obviously there are a couple of isolated individuals who are struggling with sub-par reading comprehension and a profound lack of emotional maturity – and I feel deeply sorry for them.
What a powerful post. Thank you for having the courage to share, Sundry.
We’ve never met but I’m inspired by your honesty. Thanks for being so brave.
Thank you for sharing your story.
All I can really say is thank you for sharing this and good luck to you as you continue your efforts to stay sober.
Thank you for being honest. We all falter sometimes. I remember when you posted about quitting drinking but you didn’t let on at all that you were going through all this and I can’t believe you’ve held onto it for so long. I’m glad you have decided to let it go.
Wow. The thing that impresses me the most is that you went through it. Sometimes taking responsibility for what we’ve done is the easy part. Facing the consequences, man that’s another story altogether.
Thanks for sharing.
Two weeks before my wedding one of my best friends and his date were killed by a drunk driver. He tested at .3! The ironic part is my friend was a total non drinker. The drunk driver received a sentence of one year for killing two people. To help cover my pain I started drinking - I didn’t stop until a year later when I decided for the first time to drive home drunk (I had always had a ride or place to stay before.) The next morning I realize that I could have killed someone and totally stopped drinking. Thank you showing me what it could have been like.
I currently work at a DMV in Minnesota and we had a kid (no older than 20) come in to get his tabs. He was bragging to his friend that he received his third DUI. I was shocked he was so blase about it! I wanted to smack him.
In Minnesota if you receive a DUI, you get a W plate (whiskey plate). I don’t know if they do something similar in Washington, but everyone knows when they see those plates someone has been busted for a DUI.
Thank you for writing a wonderfully powerful piece! Internet hugs to you!
Powerfully written, and a message that more people should take to heart. Thank you. I’m glad you came out the other side.
You are brave to admit this. You are damned lucky you only got arrested. At least you learned from this mistake, as many more should. I commend you for your honesty and strength. I had a drug problem for many years but thankfully got some sense about the time I got pregnant with my daughter. I have been clean for 18 years and am very thankful that I could enjoy my children without a haze around everything. It is very hard still, I do with I could just let go, but I can’t. I don’t have the personality that allows me to do/have just one.
Be thankful that JB stayed around. He obviously loves you very much b/c I am nearly 100% positive your whole demeanor has changed a couple of times and he has had to get used to a whole new person. Realize how lucky you are as you enjoy the relief this release is bound to bring you.
You make sure to tell your boy this story someday. He’ll thank you, and he’ll learn from it more than any random blog reader could.
I, like most of us here, have driven drunk, been with friends who were driving drunk, have had at least one wreck, (I’ve had 4, only one was caused by a guy on a cell phone, the rest were all drunk), and have lost friends to either their driving drunk, or someone else crashing them while they were drunk.
As you can see, drinking is a problem in NM the likes of which you couldn’t believe. I’ve been very very lucky.
I never have more than one drink, and have printed out business cards that I give all my friends so that they can call me and I will come get them, any time, day or night, no questions asked. And still periodically, someone I know gets popped for it.
I am so proud of you, not because you posted this here, but that you quit, stayed quit, and took responsibility for your actions. The REAL important thing that you’ve done is stopped. I am so proud to cyber know you.
As so many others have already stated, you are so courageous to share this. And as someone whose life has been touched by drunk driving (a family member guilty of it and friends lost to it) I really appreciate you sharing your story. If it makes even one person refrain from driving drunk it has made a difference.
So impressed by your bravery, your honesty, and your sobriety. You rock.
Linda, I think that it took a tremendous amount of courage to put this all out there and to take responsibility for it all. None of us like to admit something that was a black mark in our past or casts us in an ugly light but to heal, to move forward, to atone, we need to.
I’ve made more than my fair share of mistakes in my life and I wish I had your courage.
I also think you carry a good message here. Like Lesley, I lived in a family with alcoholics and drunk driving was a daily occurence in our household. My stepfather died while driving drunk, having gotten in a high speed chase with deputies in an effort to avoid yet another DUI. My mother nearly died while driving drunk, wrapping her truck around a pole and breaking her neck in the process. Thank you for sharing your story. Kudos to JB, too, for standing by you and helping you see the light on the other side.
This is your year girl…you are getting stronger on so many levels. Physical and mental demons be damned.
I am a better person for knowing you.
Good christ. What a load to have carried around. I’ve also got a profound secret I keep inside, and let it - or parts of it - out once in a while when I’m feeling extraordinarily brave. But to share something so awful with folks you don’t know and whose reactions you can’t predict - wow - I’m reeling at your bravery.
Does your soul feel lighter? I hope so. (And I just put a cab number in my cell - something I never thought to do before.)
Thanks for writing, Linda.
Every time you post about this stuff it helps me. I’ve been sober for a little over a year now. Before that, I drove drunk often, something I try not to think about too much. Thanks for the reminder that booze is nothing to be nostalgic about.
And again, great thanks for such a poignantly eloquent entry. As per your question posed earlier, I was lousy with blogs when I first discovered them years ago. (Uncle Bob via Detective Girl via et al) But yours is one of only two I read regularly now. Your content and style are undeniable. Warm regards.
Man, what a nightmare. Thank you for sharing this. Although I’m sure it was hard to write, your story also has an amazing power to help. Also, that was just good writing.
Thank you for sharing this w/ us. You are a strong woman and JB sounds like such a standup guy - wishing you both (and Riley!) all the happines in the world.
Wow, incredibly powerful story. Thank you so much for sharing!
I promise I am not bringing this up to be a troll or the like, but if Riley was born in August of 2005 and the arrest was in 2005, then wouldn’t you have been pregnant at the time of the arrest and you just didn’t know it yet? In know Riley was a little early, but still. I don’t ask in any kind of judgment, either, because I am not one to judge. Period. I am only asking because I am being particularly OCD!
I remember the posts that came before your pregnancy announcement and there was some mention of the whole “no longer drinking anymore” thing. I do think it was very brave of you to talk about it and I have always been moved by the entries that have been about your relationship with alcohol. It’s raw and honest and I wish more people felt free to talk about it without fear of being judged or stigmatized.
Because it can’t be said enough, thank you for sharing.
I don’t want to sound like an asshole offering you parenting advice unsolicited, and I hope I’m not overstepping my bounds by saying what I’m about to say. BUT: my mom was a hard core drug addict right up until she found out she was pregnant with me. From a very early age, she told me stories of all the bad things drugs had done to her. As a result, I’ve never done drugs or even been around people that have done them. It’s had a huge influence on me. So I think that maybe sharing stories like this with Riley and explaining how moderation is so important-though it would be incredibly difficult-may help him a lot in the long run, ya know?
Woah. I read your diary all through this period and had no idea. I can assure you that your post hit home with at least one person. I don’t drink and drive (because I don’t have a car) but I do ride with people who have drunk to economize on cab fare. Stupid. I will never do it again. Because of you.
Also, I do not think any less of you (should my opinon matter…it probably shouldn’t. But whatever).
I do think a lot higher of JB.
I’m rooting for you and your new cute family.
“when a secret lives within you like a poisonous iceberg, its mass mostly hidden even from your own eyes—too painful to look at, too embarrassing to tell—it creates weight within your soul”
Thank you for sharing this. I confessed my secrets this weekend, and my soul feels weightless again. (Thank you for the words to describe it so perfectly.)
It is so brave of you to tell your story. I really believe someone could be helped by reading this.
P.S. You are so talented with words. The world needs a book written by you. Really.
Delurking to tell you what everyone else has already said: telling us is courageous; forgiving yourself is necessary.
I hope you slept well.
I lost a coworker 20 years ago to a drunk driver. She was driving to my wedding. Her daughter is 22 now. She grew up her whole life without her mother.
Thank you for sharing this, thank you, THANK YOU for getting a grip on this so that you can be Riley’s Mommy forever.
I understand how painful digging up ugly secrets can be. I’m glad you were able to do it.
I’m not going to read through the 143 comments before mine, so if this is a duplicate, oh well. I’m proud of you for sharing this, but more importantly, I’m glad that you got things straightened out before it was worse. As much as this all sucked, what if you had just taken a cab home? Would there have been more nights of needing a cab? I don’t know why shitty things happen to people (I still after 13 1/2 years question why the fucknut who hit me had to do it) but sometimes the course of our lives is better for it.
I know, it sounds completely crazy for me to say that being hit head on and having my body shattered made my life better. Fact is, it has made me who I am today and I don’t know who I’d have turned out to be without all the things my crash taught me.
Wow. You are really a strong and amazing woman. Thank you so much for sharing something so raw and personal.
I’m sure it was hard to share–thanks for making another hard choice.
You need to know that because of the number of people that read your blog everyday, you’ve saved lives with just this one post.
You should be proud of what you’ve done since then.
I know that I am only echoing what everyone else is saying, I don’t have time to read all of your comments (wow-tons of comments!). I’m sure that every aspect of your experience sucked but the most important thing is that you learned your lesson. Too many people keep on driving drunk until they kill someone and end up in prison. Good for you and thanks for sharing. It’s not always easy to admit mistakes we make.
Thanks for this today. Really needed to hear it. I think I’ll be one of the people you helped.
I have been through the same ordeal, though not quite to that degree. Nevertheless, it was just as horrible and terrifying and I just want to say that you are far braver than I. The oddest things trigger the memories and they are painful, tearful memories to this day. My lawyer told me to keep $50 in my wallet in a secret pocket for a taxi cab ride home next time. I put it in my wallet that night where it resides to this day. I never. ever. get behind the wheel if I have had more than one. and even then, it has to be hours after.
I raise my glass to you.
Very brave of you to post that. It takes alot of courage to admit things like that. And a lot of hard work to get your shit together, I know.
Between the ages of 23 and 25, I did it more than once. More than a couple of times. And every morning after, I’d have to look and make sure that my car had actually made it home again. I once spun my car three complete 360 degree revolutions on a four lane interstate. The state troopers thought I’d just hit some ice and I sure didn’t disabuse them of that notion. I’d been drinking, of course. But not enough so that I didn’t pass the field sobriety test. That was the last time. I usually wound up being the DD, but that was okay with me by that time.
So proud of you.
My mother’s brother was killed by a drunk driver. The driver of his car. My uncle was drunk too. This was not the first time something like this happened to him. He left three young daughters and a wife in his wake. And my mother. Young. Devastated. Still, twenty years later, she is not okay with it.
When my siblings and I got our licenses, my mother said two things: “Always wear your seatbelt” and “If you die while driving drunk, I will not come to your funeral.” We know she didn’t truly mean the latter, but we took her words to heart and never, ever drove drunk. Every weekend in high school, our Volvo station wagon was packed full of our drunk friends (who I guess should’ve had seatbelts on - can’t win ‘em all!) and we didn’t mind being the DD.
I guess it takes a scary, scary experience to shock you into smartness. Because of my uncle’s and now your experience, I will be ever more careful. Thank you, Linda - more than you’ll ever know.
I think many, many, many people put themselves in this situation, including myself, but are lucky enough to *not* get caught. Your story is the answer to, “What if…”, and damn, it’s not pretty. We all make bad decisions without really, truly considering the consequence - it’s good to read the nasty details, to inform our sober selves so that they may help us seep that information to our drunk counterparts.
I’m so glad you weren’t hurt and that you are now in a place of clarity and experience!
[…] Someone who can draw out past fuckups, relive them through reconstructing them, and hold them up to say, “Trust me, you don’t know what you’re getting into. I do, and you don’t want to go there.” That is someone who has lived. Someone who refuses to be held captive by the past and by being human and who holds up her experiences as a cautionary tale. That is someone who has grown strong. And someone who is willing to do that, and at the same time throw herself under the wheels of the Internet (never known for being the most objective and forgiving of environments). That is someone who has great power. (And is, I think, just a little bit loco.) Truth be told I’ve tried my best But somewhere along the way I got caught up in all there was to offer And the cost was so much more than I could bear […]
i don’t think i could possibly say anything that hasn’t already been said. you’ve got some balls on you, woman! thank you for that.
Thank you for telling your story, Linda. What an act of bravery to post all of that! I’m so glad things are getting better. You’re doing great.
I feel so lucky to have found your blog…..I feel lucky to “know” someone who is willing to share such an earth shattering experience….heck most people wouldn’t/couldn’t share this with friends and family, let alone “strangers” out in internet land.
Simply put your courage and strength to own this are amazing.
Wow. Your post and all the comments have made me think long and hard about behavior of my own that no doubt appears perfectly socially acceptable to many, but that could ruin my life or someone else’s. I’m putting a cab number in my cell phone right now — why on earth had I never thought of that?
Thank you for this post. You can’t ever predict what exactly will reach somebody, but I can’t escape the feeling that this post has had (or will have had) more of an impact on my actions and my life than we’ll ever know.
You, and JB, rock the motherfucking casbah.