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May
30
“I’m a doula and an advocate for moms and babies and I just want to tell you thank you for providing the best nourishment for your baby that you can.”
The author wrote that this is what she often says to women she sees breastfeeding in public. To offset, she says, the negative things so many mothers hear about the topic.
“I hope that people who see you will remember that this is what people should think is normal.”
I read the above and I wondered what this woman would have thought of me back when my boys were little. The careful process of measuring out formula and mixing it, the rattly collection of glass bottles and plastic air-bubble-expelling inserts and nipples and lids. I suppose it wouldn’t have looked normal at all, to her. She certainly wouldn’t have thanked me for feeding my own baby.
It made me think of what I might say to a woman I saw formula-feeding her child. Maybe I’d tell her that I knew there were circumstances that prevent breastfeeding and I was sorry she didn’t get a choice in the matter. Maybe I’d tell her how I could sympathize with the all-encompassing curiosity people will have about why she’s not breastfeeding, because people are often not ready to respect the reason until they know what it is. Maybe I’d tell her I trusted that she had all the information she needed about both formula and breastfeeding and that she had a right to go with the decision that worked best for her and her baby. Maybe I’d tell her not to worry about what people think is normal.
Or maybe I’d just smile and tell her what a beautiful baby she had. Because anything else is really none of my damn business.
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99 Responses to “It’s all normal”
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Right – it’s all normal. :)
Not all women DO have all the information necessary to make the best choice for them and their babies. I’m not advocating putting our noses into other people’s business (and I breastfeed in public all the time, but I don’t want someone to come up and “thank” me for doing so – I just want to be left in peace to do what I do), but I do worry about the high number of poor and minority babies who could be getting better nutrition if their mothers were getting the support they needed to breastfeed for as long as possible. It’s not really fair to say that all women who bottle-feed are doing so for the right reasons – millions of women do so because using their breasts for something other than sexual purposes is “icky.” That is something that I think we should all agree needs to change. (Not by nosy strangers, but somehow).
Anonymous: my point is that we can’t know the entire situation and that it doesn’t make sense to make any assumptions one way or the other. Hence the last sentence of this post.
Sigh. I only breastfed for three weeks – that’s it, coupled with a pretty severe case of PPD (wanting to leave my baby and thinking I’d made the worst mistake of my life kind of depression), that’s all I could manage. Do I wish things had been different? Absolutely, but I have to admit, my friends that did BF for most of their kid’s baby stage and wear it like a badge of courage rubs me wrong sometimes. I felt inadequate, on top of everything else I was dealing with at the time – it just plain sucked. Sometimes I wish there was the right answer, it’s such a sensitive topic. Sometimes I wish someone had said to me ‘It’s OK, you did the best you could – thank you for being the best Mom you could be’. Thanks for posting this.
Thank you thank you thank you! Raising a child is difficult enough. Being judged because we either choose to or must do it differently is beyond wrong.
I’m pumping/bottle feeding breastmilk and when I’m in public giving my 5 month old a bottle I want to have a sign on me explaining why. I think people are judging without knowing the circumstances – we had problems getting a proper latch, my mother died 12 days after my daughter was born and so I couldn’t find it in myself to get to a lactation consultant and spend 2 months to figure out how to get the latch right (as I did with my son). People need to mind their own business and not judge. You don’t know what’s in the bottle someone is giving their baby and you don’t know the circumstances.
Amen! I /tried/ to breastfeed after my son was born. Unfortunately the 3 emergency surgeries prevented me from ever doing anything besides eek an ounce out every few hours. Unfortunately 1 month in the hospital, horrible postpartum depression (in part over the breast feeding thing) and 9 incisions in my abdomen was not enough to keep the breastfeeding nazis from calling my hospital room daily to interrupt my morphine induced sleep, find out how many times I was able to pump and dump, and give a heavy dose of guilt if it wasn’t up to their standards.
I try really hard not to assume anything in the vast majority of public parenting situations (save the really obvious ones–verbal abuse, etc.). Especially breast/bottle feeding, since it is such a nuanced and charged topic.
Honestly, it is really hard for me to imagine a bottle feeding mom getting a negative reaction in public (though I know it does happen because I’ve heard the stories), because I almost never see a mom breastfeeding in public. I breastfed both of my kids for a year, often in public, and a couple of times I got negative comments or looks. I ignored the ones from strangers, but I always responded to the ones from people I knew (mostly friends without kids expressing disgust).
It is really difficult to continue to breastfeed publicly in the face of a negative response. I could see that for someone who is struggling with breastfeeding, that doula’s comment could make or break someone’s day. But really, regardless of HOW a woman is feeding her baby, I know that feeling defeated is common, and maybe just a “what a beautiful baby; aren’t you blessed” sort of comment works better all around. It is a tough topic…
I think I read the post on which the comment you referenced was made, and it seems to me that it was about someone getting some shit about breastfeeding for too long. In general, I think that people get a lot more shit for breastfeeding in public than for giving their baby a bottle in public. That said, I don’t know what I would do if someone came up and said *anything* to me about feeding my baby, regardless of how I was doing it. I think I’d think it was none of their damned business how I was feeding my baby and WHY on earth would they thank ME for it? Ha, I think probably the BABY is the only one that should thank the mother for feeding them, but of course they don’t. The selfish bastards. :)
@Marian – GOOD POINT! People have no idea what’s in the bottle and it’s none of their business anyway!
I breastfed my Son and I don’t care how anybody wants to feed their baby. It IS all normal.
“Or maybe I’d just smile and tell her what a beautiful baby she had. Because anything else is really none of my damn business.”
Amen!! I’m out of the baby feeding business (my youngest is 4) and so relieved! The whole FF v. BF debate is insane. As long as a baby is fed, clothed, sheltered and loved the rest is just no one’s business.
I didn’t mean to be anon- my name is Sarah. Anyway, I was agreeing with you that it’s none of anyone’s business, but I was simply disagreeing that most women make the choice to bottle-feed for the best reasons. I just hear too many stories of the “breast-feeding is yucky” variety to believe that all women are making their choices for the right reasons.
Chris, you DID do the best for your baby: you breast-fed for those critically-important first few weeks, when antibodies etc are passed on. And, MOST IMPORTANTLY, you took care of yourself because it does no baby any good to lose her mother to PPD etc. Just because I and your friends were lucky enough (and I know it’s luck) to have more bf-ing time, doesn’t mean we’re better mothers or our babies are better people. Don’t buy the rhetoric on that one.
I breastfed my kids for 20 mos and 18 mos, respectively. I did so because I could and gleefully told anyone who criticized me for doing so in public to go fuck themselves. Not once did I ever criticize anyone for any parenting decision they made whether it was one I agreed with or not. I find myself playing down the breastfeeding I did now that my boys have learned that boobies are fun to look at and maybe, just MAYBE they are for more than just feeding babies. I hope that when they marry and have kids that their wives make the best decision for themselves and their babies.
I think the normal she was referring to was not how people feed their baby, but how people view breasts. It’s socially acceptable to wear skimpy tanks, bikini tops, or even see women in store window ads in only bras, but see a woman FEED HER BABY and people think GROSSSSSS.
So I would read her statement less about how a woman chooses to feed her baby, and more about how woman’s bodies are viewed. Sexy= ok, normal; feeding a baby= gross, obscene.
It’s not a great feeling to need to feed your kid, and at the same time feel like you might be grossing out the entire mall population. But sometimes? I simply didn’t want to go sit in the nicely decorated closet (aka: nursing room). I wanted to feed my baby and have it be ok, just like a bottle feeding mom could do.
And honestly, I don’t care if a woman chooses to bottle or breastfeed. But it takes a certain bravery to nurse in public, and I think THAT was what the author was referring to.
Ditto to the comment left by Chris. Amen to us all doing the best we can for our children and ourselves.
I figure I have as much right to ask or comment about a strangers’ method of feeding her baby as I do to ask if the birth was “natural” or how badly her vagina tore or how many days it took her to poop after her C-section.
I think Juliana’s comment was specifically in reference to feeling comfortable nursing a child anywhere, not about choosing the breast over the bottle.
I know that’s certainly not what my post was about. I’m heart-warmed when I see a woman nursing in public because I’ve bottle fed in public and I’ve breastfed in public and I’ve experienced very different reactions as a result.
It would be a little weird to me if someone mentioned something about me nursing, but I’d be relieved. Even just a small nod or smile to me is really heart-warming, because shit knows I’ve gotten far more dirty looks than smiling acknowledgments when I’ve nursed (discretely) in public.
I can see your perspective and why you felt like responding.
I do think the context is missing that she wasn’t referring to breast or bottle but to feeding a child anywhere. Which is, in my opinion, totally natural. And in many many others’ opinions totally unnatural.
Breastfeeding was so difficult for me, with both my daughters. I so wish people would have been supportive of my choices. Why does anybody care how I feed my baby? In the words of my best friend… “Food does not equal love.”
Maria: I thought your post was lovely. On the comment, though, I don’t get how it’s not, in part, congratulating a woman for choosing breast over bottle. I totally applaud her desire to support breastfeeding mothers, it just felt weird that the subtext is that a formula-feeding mother isn’t, by comparison, deserving of the same praise.
I’m not a boob-nazi or snob at all, I promise, but…
I think your perception of those comments is whats negative; she was just praising the mother for doing what isn’t socially the norm in our society… Your the one who is taking it the wrong way, IMO. It would be like you working full time to provide the best for your baby, and someone giving you praise on how great of a job you are doing, juggling both mother and work life.. and then me, a stay at home mom, getting offended.
However, if the person (or any person) made a negative comment to a formula feeder, something to the effect that the mom didn’t try hard enough to breastfeed or something, THAT WOULD DEFINITELY BE NOT COOL.
I am all for people being left alone though, like you, but I had to chime in with that comparison.
NMK: you know, that comparison helps me understand the comment better. Note to self: say more supportive, nice things to EVERYONE I KNOW, ALL THE GODDAMNED TIME. Because for real, we all need to hear it.
I wanted to add that I’ve noticed more women online being judgmental about formula feeding than I have in person. When S was young, I had a blog but it wasn’t about parenting and my Internet friends weren’t into kids and I had no idea this crazy world of BabyCenter message boards and mommy blogs existed. So when I went to baby/mom groups I’d say half the women nursed and half whipped out bottles (of formula, breastmilk, pudding, who knows) and no one batted an eye either way. I may have been distracted by other circumstances, since I had to take a long lunch once a week to do it, and I felt like an outsider being the only working mom in a group of 16 women.
I didn’t know the breast/bottle debate existed at all until I got into this community.
It makes me think that levels of acceptance and/or not giving a shit about babyfeeding methods probably vary really heavily from area to area as well as in different groups of women online.
I’m just mulling things over, sorry for the rambling-ass tangent.
But blah. It makes me ache that you or any mom would be made to feel shitty over feeding a baby a bottle in public, at home or anywhere. It bothers me JUST AS MUCH as it bothers me when women are criticized for nursing somewhere other than in a bedroom or under a tent.
I can see where, especially in the way you read it, that comment would make you feel shitty. Or at least make you think. (I’m not trying to paraphrase your reaction.)
The best nourishment part of that comment was a little eye-brow-raisy to me for sure, to be honest. I don’t even think I’d think/say that to a woman in my family. But the part about it being normal to nurse makes sense to me. Only because I’ve gotten so many wackadoodle questions from people about nursing and just enough outright negative reactions to be really defensive/prickly about it.
I wish none of us ever got slowly shoved into a position where our reactions were defensive/pricky or a place where we felt achy about the way we’re raising our kids.
Also I hope people don’t use your honest reaction as a platform to get into the breast/bottle trainwreck. It would be annoying for your expression here to be perceived as a debate or fueling the debate that none of us want to have.
I’m firing myself for leaving a comment this long on your blog. I don’t know why I turn into such a newbie dork over here. Relatedly, you’re really cool.
I’m guessing you’ve seen this article already, but just in case: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/7311/
When I have a baby someday, I hope to be able to breastfeed. But if I can’t, or turn out not to want to, for whatever reason, I’m OK with that too, and this article reminded me of why.
I can’t believe I am chiming in considering I do my best to avoid the BF v. FF debate AT ALL COSTS.
I often feel that many of the comments that are meant to provide encouragement and support to breastfeeding mothers often make me feel defeated or inadequate. Such as the comment you mention at the beginning of your post.
I breastfed my first daughter for four weeks, and my second for three weeks. I had intended on breastfeeding exclusively for six months, but for a myriad of reasons did not. My mother was once our state’s La Leche League president so you can imagine what it is like when everyone in my family remarks on my “healthy and chubby breastfed babies” and I have to correct them.
Speaking only of myself, I know that I often take offense to comments that I feel reflect on the way I choose to parent, even if the person isn’t directing the comment at me all the time. For example, my choice to work part time, or the fact that I used pain medication during my babies’ births. When people make comments about how they did the best for their baby because they did not make those choices, I feel it often implies that I am not doing the best for my baby.
I just wish people would realize that I love my kids so much, and I am doing the best for them by making the best choices for us that I can. Really, should anything else even matter?
I agree with Michelle. For me, commenting (particularly in a negative way) on how someone else is feeding her baby is right there with going up to a stranger and asking how their delivery went. It’s one thing if it’s a close friend, it’s another when it’s a stranger and you don’t know their history.
I don’t understand people’s fascination with how mothers choose to feed their babies. If you breastfeed, fine. If you bottlefeed because you don’t have another choice, fine. If you bottlefeed because breastfeeding isn’t something you want to do, fine. Your body, your baby, your business.
I had a baby at 26 weeks gestation….it was the hardest time of my life.
I had him in November 09 and after 103 days he came out of Neonatal Intensive care. During that whole time I pumped so that i could give him the best chance at life possible (it was stressed to me that my breastmilk is the best thing I could do for my tiny babe as it is easiest for their little bodies to digest while also passing on to all those precious protective antibodies). He was fed my milk through a tiny tube down to his stomach from day 2 of being born and continued to have my milk for the 103 days he was in hospital and a further 2.5 months (my milk dried out)after he came home on 26th Feb 2010.
I have no doubt in my mind that part of his survival and strength through 2 infections, 4 blood transfusions and many breathing episodes was to do with having my milk. But on the flipside there are many prem babies with mothers who couldn’t feed their tiny babies whilst in hospital for many many reasons – post traumatic stress, depression, milk quantity issues due to premature delivery, sore nipples, milk drying-out from the constant expresing for months on end…..and you know what? Most of the prem babies that had the formula did just as well as the breastfed ones!
POint is, i think whatever a mum can manage to do she will do, and whatever she chooses to do is her right also. Having a baby and providing for it is a damn hard thing to do for any woman and some find it really easy but I am not one of them unfortunately (my first 3 yr old child was almost completely formula fed due to having sever post-natal depression).
Now my boy is a lovely 6.5month old (chronilogical) – 14 weeker (corrected age)
and doing well. HIs name is Riley and he is really a super kid! When I see a baby being breastfed out in public I don’t think about it’s feeding habits and what it’s eating, I just think how lucky it is that that mother has a lovely healthy little baby to hold…
I’m going to chime in with what Maria said, in that this is both a) much more prevalent online; and b) way way regional in what’s the norm and what is judged. In Vermont, where I lived anyway, you were expected to breastfeed until the kid was two. Period. It’s the norm, it’s expected, and people nurse their toddlers in public everywhere and no one blinks. Bottles, though? Not so thrilling for people to see, although NO ONE says anything TO the bottle feeder, it’s just the gossip in mom circles and whatnot. And not meanly, just DISCUSSED and EXPECTED.
Here in Massachusetts, it’s by far the norm to bottle feed. BY A LONG SHOT. And the fact that I’m still nursing Sam is VERY SURPRISING to my friends here, many of whom I wasn’t around when Sam was wee. Well, some of them, anyway. Like, SHOCKING almost, since most of them dumped breastfeeding by, say, 14 weeks to six months, at the latest. And yeah, I’m getting a little shit for nursing from some of them–again, not mean, but enough that I sort of cringe a little. Like, isn’t she too OLD for this? What am I THINKING? So I don’t talk about it or do it around them. That kind of sucks.
My point is, it’s all relative, I guess. And having lived two VERY contrasting situations in a relatively short period of time, I can confirm the theory that it’s all relative to varying circumstances.
That being said, I wouldn’t be all that stoked if someone thanked me for nursing in public, but that’s only because I’m a pretty private person and I’d be like, seriously? Please stop watching, creeplor.
I didn’t get a lot of flack for breastfeeding in public, but everyone likes to hear that they’re doing something good, so I probably would have loved to have this woman make one of her comments to me. Even if no one says anything bad, you can’t help but think that some people are thinking it.
This seriously almost made me cry.
Yesterday I bottle (formula) fed my almost 7-week old in public for the first time. As someone who planned on breast feeding, only to be met with serious supply issues that never did improve, it was actually embarrassing for me to pull out the formula and mix up a bottle. I felt like the mother of 2 at the next table was judging me. Probably just my own hangup because I still sometimes do feel like a gigantic failure for not being able to breast feed, but uncomfortable none-the-less.
Thank you for the reminder that not everyone can BF, and that there is nothing wrong with formula, no matter what stubble may be out there saying otherwise. It’s very easy to lose sight of when everyone assumes you will BF and that if you don’t it’s not always a choice not to.
Brava.
Maybe its because I’m a twin mom, but I never felt judgement either way. (I did a mixture breastfeeding, pumping and formula). I think women need to not be quite so sensitive about this issue – I KNOW that is much easier said than done. It is one of the first of MANY things that is up for criticism in the parenting world, and perhaps more personal that other issues. But the bottom line has and always will be: whatever is best for the mom and the situation is what will be best for the baby.
Oh, Sara. Please don’t worry about what other moms are or are not thinking of you! It’s hard enough to have a little baby without worrying about that. FWIW, the only think I have ever thought when I see someone pulling out a bottle to feed their baby is that they are LUCKY. My kids were bad, crazy nursers, and it was hard for me to nurse them in public. I always felt like I had a jackal in my lap. One time a woman said “ewwww!” to me when I was sitting on a bench at the Target, nursing my first baby. It was shocking, because a) WTH? and b) I was being really discreet – she had to stop and look to make sure I was nursing him and not just holding him before she said ewww like that. Anyways, my point is, who effing cares about how we feed our own children? WHO? I understand having an opinion about it on a more global scale, but I do not understand being cruel to someone about their own personal child. I just don’t get it.
I bottle-fed my first and breast-fed my second. I was just going to comment, “A-freaking-men,” because neither is anyone’s business as far as I’m concerned and I’ve taken shit for both. BUT, after reading some of the comments, I do see both sides of the argument. I suppose the original impulse was a nice one — to offer support to another mother.
I just don’t think it’s anyone’s business what others do. Breast feeding may well be the best way to feed your child. But a lot of women can’t for one reason or another, or maybe they just don’t want to for one reason or another, and not necessarily because it’s “yucky”. As long as you snuggle your baby close while you feed him/her, and give them a lot of love, it just doesn’t matter.
But, you know, someone always has some sort of remark, if not about the way you feed them, then how you dress them or whatever. My second child was born with a twisted foot and rather than put her into braces, I was shown how to exercise and stretch her foot while I held her or played with her. And I was told to, under no circumstances, put shoes on her until she was a year old. You can imagine the remarks I got when I took her out in winter, and got inside and took off the blankets and there were her bare pink toes. And some years later that baby and I went to a beach festival with HER baby in a sling, and she got loud criticism for putting him in that “contraption” where he could not be comfortable. It’s a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation, whether it’s feeding, diapering, playing, disciplining, potty training, weaning – everyone in the world knows a better way than the one you’re doing. And the rude ones will tell you all about it.
Agree! I have two beautiful girls and breastfed both of them for many, many, many months. And it was great! And I really enjoyed it… but, quite frankly it wasn’t anyone’s business but mine and the baby’s what I put in their mouth. And mostly mine. I have a friend who just had her first, and tried to breastfeed and it didn’t work. And she guiltily confessed she was bottle feeding and my heart broke for her because it’s NOT WORTH guilt! It’s not worth this “mightier-than-tough” attitude women have. It’s not fair to judge people, full stop. And how you choose to feed your infant is no different. But I think you hit the main point on the head: it’s none of your business.
When I worked at my last job – I saw Moms bottle feeding. I saw Moms breastfeeding.
I did not care.
All I cared about was that their SUV of a stroller was moved out of the way of the elevator or the staircase or that the Dad’s didn’t drag tables over and block the walkway that had to be kept clear by law so everyone in the family reunion could eat at a table that seated 16 in a spot designed for 6.
Breastfeed or Formula Feed. It’s none of my business.
I agree that it really is none of anyone’s business but I also hope that people don’t stop encouraging breastfeeding mothers. Personally, without the encouragement I received from everyone from my sister to a stranger in my son’s pediatrician’s office, I probably would have given up. It was hard for us in the beginning, so yes, I do feel pride in the knowledge that my son is almost two and still nursing. That pride, however, has nothing to do with any other mother and the choices she has made. It’s just me being glad I’ve done the best I could for my son.
That comment from a doula (or anyone) would have been wonderful to me as I struggled to maintain composure while breastfeeding very wiggly (and hungry) babies in public–mostly I got weird looks and sometimes disapproving ones. Maybe it is the area in which I live I live (rural deep south), but support for breastfeeding is sorely needed. Bottle-feeding is the norm. Nothing wrong with bottle-feeding, but it is certainly problematic that breastfeeding a baby makes someone out to be a pariah–a freak. If someone had stepped up to me and congratulated me (in a non-paternalistic way of course!) for it, I’m guessing I would have felt a small victory–especially because breastfeeding was so terribly difficult in those first tender (and scary) months.
If this blog entry had a “Like” button, I would push it. I agree completely. As long as the baby is fed, it’s nobody’s business how or why the mother chose the method of feeding she chose.
I breastfed because I could, my sister didn’t because she couldn’t. Honestly, you can’t tell a difference between our children (mine are 8 & 5 and hers are 10 & 8) — we both have happy, healthy, intelligent kids. So whenever I see someone get hot under the collar about the importance of breastfeeding, I always have to ask myself if it’s such a big deal after all. Whatever a woman chooses, for whatever reason, it’s not anyone’s business but her own. Standard caveats apply.
If someone had came up to me while I was breastfeeding my children and thanked me for doing so… it would have made me very uncomfortable. Really, a smile, a friendly look, that’s enough. I wouldn’t have wanted a stranger to intrude on my & the baby’s personal space, and strident voices of any sort, even if they mean to show support, always irritate me.
This is such a heated topic. I was lucky, I breastfed both my boys fairly easily. One for 10 months who self weaned and went to formula, and one for 15 months who went straight to a cup of milk. My sister was not so lucky, she had a difficult time, and I have friends who were not able to breastfeed and were heartbroken and were still judged negatively. I live in an area where the norm seems to be breastfeeding, but the negative feedback that women get for not being able to breastfeed, makes me VERY uncomfortable. Love is what matters. And nourishment is nourishment, is it really so important how it is delivered? I think not.
Not to come back again, but NMK’s comment made me think: saying something is good, and worthy of pride doesn’t make the OTHER choice less good. It just means what it is — XX is good, yay for you!
I say this because I sometimes find myself feeling defensive for not working full-time. Oh sure, I freelance and I’m not some soap-watching marshmallow, but sometimes when I hear the arguments FOR the working parent, I find myself reading them as being AGAINST the stay-at-home parent, when in fact, that’s not the case.
So yes, that made me think, and made me realize that we can–and should–be more supportive of everyone, and that by being supportive, we are not being UNsupportive of a different choice.
I like your blog and all, but when bloggers write about breastfeeding/bottle feeding, I always wonder if it’s because they want greater hits, or if they feel guilty about whatever decision they made.
I kinda wish you would stop posting about it because it so quickly encites people. Not that you post about it too often, but when you do I just automatically think it’s for stats because it seems out of the blue.
Jonna: I totally agree, and I fully recognize that I can be defensive about certain topics. I also don’t want us all to descend into an overly PC zone where we can’t feel like we can speak up to support each other. So I need to be more careful about how I interpret these kinds of things, I think. After all, *I* know I provided “the best nourishment for my baby that I could”, so what harm does it do to me if someone wants to give that statement as praise to another mother? None.
Oh, Allison. For god’s sake. Sorry I’m not sticking to the topics you want me to.
Women who formula feed aren’t asked to leave restaurants. They aren’t asked to feed their babies in bathrooms or “in private”. They aren’t looked at with open disgust because bottles are still the “norm”. Women who formula feed aren’t embarrassed to feed their children in public, when they’re hungry, because their babies are HUNGRY and that’s kinda when you feed a child.
THAT is why she says that to women she sees breastfeeding. And that’s why I smile and show my support for women who are brave enough to openly breastfeed.
Linda posts about many topics – some are personal, some are witty, some are inspirational, some are heart-wrenching, some are downright hysterical, some are merely observational, but none are designed to INCITE people, and none are posted to increase numbers of hits. I read her for many reasons; mostly because she’s a gifted writer and manages to say and write about things that are relevant to me. Today’s post illustrated why I find her blog to be so relevant — she touches on a topic that affects many, in order to provide a forum for provocative and respectful debate and conversation. I hope she continues posting not just about her family, but about issues exactly like this one.
I used to have a very hard time with the breast versus formula debate, mostly in part because I was one of those mothers who had an extremely difficult time with breast feeding. I was pushed and pushed to keep trying through pain and post partum tears. I spent countless hours in the La Leche office with my first child and was persistently fed the thought that any other choice but to persevere was a failure. I eventually gave up but initially felt so guilty about it. For a long time I felt angry with those who continued to push the “breast is best” mentality and bitter towards my female friends who took to it so easily. For some, it is not the best choice, and I am thankful that I had formula as an option.
I share this because my reaction to defend formula is a result of my own experience. Had I not experienced my own issues, I doubt I would be as compassionate as I am today towards mothers who choose formula, no matter what the reasons. I maintain that whether a mother chooses to breastfeed and where to do so is as much not my business as whether a mother chooses formula. I am sure if I were a breastfeeding mother I would have appreciated the praise, because I do know how much hard work it can be. But I am also reminded that though I was doing what was best for my baby, I was never once praised for my choice when I switched to formula, even though the result was a thriving infant and happy mother.
It is always so bizarre to me what other people think is their business. I’d tell someone to fuck off, regardless of what method I chose to feed my child.
I had a “friend” once who proclaimed me “mean” because I didn’t share all my warm-squishies with her. Once I did and gave her an accounting of all my feelings, I came to an important realization: I don’t owe anyone an explanation for my deeply-held convictions, whatever they may be. *I* believe in them, who gives a flying fuck what anyone else things? I don’t need your approval and if I did, do I really believe them as much as I seem to think I do?
I guess that’s what this all comes down to for me, personally. I have a hard time caring what anyone else thinks because I’m all good with it. Judge all you like, sweetcheeks. You’re not walking in my shoes.
And by “things”, I mean “thinks”. I type super. :)
Awesome post, gracias. Comments are rocking too, the great, good, bad & ugly, love it all…..Love what you said about always giving peeps more compliments all of the time, for anything & everything. That is my motto…If I talk to someone who endured a c-section I praise them & sympathize (unexpectedly been there done that), if they had an at-home water birth I say “lucky you!” and by that I do mean “luck”, since in my opinion it is luck and nothing else (not intention, lifestyle, fitness, education, etc…) that determines how a woman delivers. I really wish that more people would give women/mothers credit for their decisions regarding how they feed their babies (yes, there are a select few who do not have the resources or support to do what they might want in terms of feeding & I my heart goes out to them) People always assume I am a huge Breast is Best champion because my kiddo is 3yrs and still nurses (yes, 3…don’t judge me :-) but I am 100% pro-mama….and when my cousins or friends bottle feed for one reason or another, I am all “sweet, awesome, kudos to you mama!” The best thing I heard in the hospital after having my son concerning feeding as “happy mama, happy baby” and that is my motto…I couldn’t nurse for 3 weeks following delivery, toxic breast milk but I still pumped & dumped, partly as a therapeutic process for myself and partly because I held on to the small hope I could breast feed if I wanted at some point (dude, formula & bottles were a freaking pain! Easier my ass!) and after a few weeks my kiddo (fat & healthy & happy from formula) took to the breast and the rest is history… So I have gone both ways and I think as long as mama is happy & knows her baby is getting what they need and you snuggle them in close with a bottle or a boob…the two of you have it made, which is what counts. In my opinion :-)
I love any comment from someone who is supportive of what I am doing. It is much better than what I typically get in Oklahoma. I am still nursing my 19 month old and get questions all the time about how long am I going to nurse him. Someone telling me I am a doing a good job (even a stranger) is always nice.
My first refused to take a bottle of anything. We tried. Boy did we try – so did my entire family, several nurses and even 2 lactation consultants. She would not take one. I had to get comfortable with public BF very quickly in an area where it wasn’t the norm – especially for babies older then 3 months. When she was tiny a woman was kicked out of a local mall for BFing her screaming (hungry) child so I started carrying a print out of our states laws regarding the matter. I wanted to wear a sign saying “I wish I could get her to take a bottle, because I don’t like doing this in public any more then you like seeing it” so I didn’t get the dirty looks I got. I got positive comments twice – once from an eldery woman during on of my very first public BF sessions where I know my face was a deep shade of embarassed red. I wanted to cry with gratitude for her kindness because I was struggling with the whole thing.
Now, with the 2nd he goes both ways and we live in a new (more liberal) city where BF is expected. And, guess what – I get similar dirty looks when I pull out a bottle which is sometimes my milk, sometimes formula. I just feel like you can’t win no matter what you do.
As long as a comment is positive and not intentionally degrading to the “other side” I think it can be a very good thing and encouraging to the parent in the situation at hand.
(this is the most I’ve ever typed on my iPhone, excuse the typos please!)
I like this discussion. Not because I like any kind of debate surrounding breast feeding and formula, but b/c it reminds us that there’s no *right* way to parent. I’m as guilty as the rest of us for raising my eyebrows on occassion at another Moms parenting strategy. That’s why I like these posts b/c they remind us that nobody’s perfect, especially me, and we’re all just trying to do our best.
I bottle fed my children by choice. I can’t believe they survived it. I can’t imagine how they’re going to navigate a whole world of food that doesn’t come from breasts.
there really is a huge difference in what is supported/”the norm” depending on where you live. right now i live in the pacific NW, which tends to lean more to the breastfeeding. but i have friends from college having babies in WI, and formula is expected more out there. it’s funny: i don’t have kids, but i was just thinking today that someday, when i do have kids, i really really want to breast-feed them, but what if i can’t for some reason? i know i will struggle with guilt and disappointment over that, but i’ll just have to get over it, preferably as fast as possible for everyone’s sake! :) i have friends with a 15-month-old, and i think some of the stuff they choose to do with their baby makes everyone’s life harder, and i think some of the stuff they choose to do is what i would want to do too, but i should really just abide by the old adage…if i can’t say something nice about it, don’t say anything at all. it’s none of my business. linda, i agree with what you said above! i too should try to say more positive things, more of the time, to everyone! :)
Personally I don’t care how or what you feed your kid, as long as you feed them.
Duh.
I just wish women would stop judging one another. If someone had to approach me and say something like that, I’d have to fight hard to suppress the urge to slap them and tell them to stop being so sanctimonious. Like you say, it’s none of our business what parenting choices people make. You can’t look at someone breastfeeding and make the assumption that she is making the best choice for her child. I mean what if her milk quality was bad, and the poor child wasn’t getting enough sustenance? What if she was HIV positive and NOT taking anti-retrovirals and therefor passing it onto her child? People don’t THINK before they talk about stuff like this.
Okay. Off my soap box now. I was a happy bottle feeder by choice.
So after my rant, just confirming that I agree with you. No judgement – just acceptance is what we need to give one another as women.
Thank you for this. It really is nobody’s business, and it’s astonishing how invasive and sanctimonious even random strangers feel they can be about this.
If I have another baby I’ll respond to all BFing questions with a hearty f*** off, because what I do or don’t do (and why) is not something I need to share with or explain or justify to anyone. But it’s taken me 11 months to realize that and be confident enough to actually say so.
It’s fantastic that some women breastfeed (for however long they want, wherever they want, and I will defend any woman’s right to this and encourage her if she needs the encouragement) but it is also fantastic that some women bottle-feed their babies because, you know, THEY ARE FEEDING THEIR BABIES. The breastfeeding and the formula-feeding thing? There is no conflict there. Women can do both and it’s OK. You don’t have to pick a ’side’.
I, too, think we need to support each other rather than see every choice (and sometimes we don’t get to make the choices, life just happens) that is different from ours as a threat, as a criticism of how we do things.
I was going to say something really deep and insightful and important but everyone else (especially jonniker) beat me to it.
So I’ll just tell my story about the mom I saw nursing her newborn in public. I sat down on a nearby bench to nurse my own 13-month old she took one look at me and said “Oh thank GOD I am not the only one who does this!” In a world where my boobs are only good for selling beer sometimes an affirmation from a stranger can make your day.
Long time reader, first time commenter (love your writing).
With all due respect, why do you care what this woman would have thought of you ? If YOU feel good about your decision to bottle feed YOUR children- end of story. I breastfed my babies not because I think bottle feeding is bad, but because I think breastfeeding is great. There is nothing wrong with a breastfeeding advocate giving encouragement to a breastfeeding mother. I think anyone who thinks this is inappropriate either a) takes themselves way too seriously or b) questions their own choice to bottlefeed.
If I have to put up with some people looking at me as if I am some kind of freak or hippie when I have to breastfeed in public (covered), I don’t think it’s too much to ask you and every other bottlefeeding mother to mind your own business if someone gives me a pat on the back for doing so.
And to Ness- if this is your soapbox, you might want to come up with something better than:
“I mean what if her milk quality was bad, and the poor child wasn’t getting enough sustenance? What if she was HIV positive and NOT taking anti-retrovirals and therefor [sic] passing it onto her child?”
if you want to be taken seriously. That just sounds pathetic.
You are correct. Each woman has a choice, and it’s their decision.
Anyone who criticizes another mother needs to look inside of themselves and find out WHY they feel the need to make someone else feel inferior.
This entry makes me want to say:
I am sorry for congratulating you about running a marathon. I did not mean to make the people who did not run a marathon feel bad.
Jessica: I think the marathon comparison would make more sense if you had thanked me for providing the best exercise health for my body that I could and that anyone watching me do a marathon should realize that was the norm and hopefully follow suit.
This conversation needs to stay civil or I’m shutting it down. Holly, I don’t care if you disagree with me, that’s why the comments are open, but watch how you criticize someone else’s choice of language. Words like “pathetic” don’t further your case.
I tried EVERYTHING to get my milk supply up and to get my daughter to latch properly, and after three months of trying I finally gave up. I was exhausted, my daughter was “failing to thrive” and yet I spent three months holding onto the idea that if I gave up breastfeeding I was a failure. When I did finally have to give it up, I spent the next few months trying to justify myself to people. Evenutally, I just said: “Look, it was either start feeding formula or let her starve to death.” That shut them up pretty quick. I’m now pregnant with baby number 2, and I’m already dreading the whole breastfeeding situation.
Great post…you don’t know a woman’s situation so don’t judge-i am a VERY healthy/in shape 28 year old woman who was….wait for it…formula fed. Shocker! how could i possibly be healthy if I wasn’t given the boob-it’s every woman’s choice-focus on your own choices. My 19 month old son is very healthy and…Formula Fed-and no i’m not even going to explain my reasons- :D
Ness and Linda: I did not mean for that to sound as harsh as it did. I could have chosen a better word to describe my thoughts. I’m sorry for that.
What I should have said is that while the scenarios you mention could happen, I think it’s safe to say that when referring to breastfeeders as a whole, we are all assuming these are HIV negative women producing adequate breast milk. Just like we are all assuming that bottlefeeders are correctly measuring/mixing formula and and properly cleaning the infant’s bottles and nipples.
I just thought it was reaching a little.
The breastfeeding community (generally speaking) says that breastfeeding mothers don’t have enough society support; public feeding is frowned upon and feeding longer than a few weeks or months is seen as odd.
I think this is true but I also happen to believe women who formula feed are scrutinized in the same way. We’re assumed to be bad mothers who don’t care about the health of our children.
I think you’ve written a great article Linda, and speaking from experience as well, I’d say you have a right to feel defensive about this topic. I’ve lost count of the number of people telling me that formula feeding is bad.
Thanks, but you don’t know why I’m formula feeding so unless you’re going to be my live-in wet nurse (that sounds dirty!) then shut your stupid mouth.
Having said all that, it is nice to get comments and praise from strangers. I would choose praise over hurt :)
I bottle fed my kid forumla and he has an IQ of 150. So I am sorry breastmilk isn’t a miracle food.
I couldn’t breastfeed and am sick and tired of being made to feel less than because I fed my kid forumla.
Thanks for writing this Linda.
Holly shut up you give hippies a bad name.
I love getting positive comments or smiles when I breastfeed in public, and I do the same for others. It is socially awkward to have my breasts out of my shirt when they could be exposed at any minute with a squirmy baby. There is nothing wrong with another person making a stranger feel comfortable.
Also in an ideal situation, breastfeeding is best. In an ideal situation using cloth diapers is best, but these days I use disposables. I would never take offense to someone complimenting someone else for using cloth.
I like the title of your post. It’s all normal.
The end.
Thank you for this!
I did breastfeed my son for about six months, but because of a lot of reasons–mostly a serious case of post-partum depression–I switched to formula.
It was a difficult decision for me. Looking back, I realize the difficulty came in the pressures I felt from other moms I knew to continue breastfeeding. But it was best for me, for baby, and for our relationship.
Ultimately, I know what’s best for baby and me. I can take advice from others who have experience and knowledge, but I know my baby better than anyone else in the world, and I know myself better than anyone else in the world. You can’t tell me I’m making a bad decision because no matter how much you know about me, you don’t know the whole story.
I think what some of the comments are helping me realize is it’s all about how I choose to interpret the statements. Do they mean I didn’t give MY babies the best nourishment, or that my method of feeding wasn’t normal? No. At least, I don’t have to assume she meant otherwise.
It’s also reminding me of a conversation I was involved in a while ago about health and fitness in which I was very stubborn and refused to see the other points of view for quite a while. I’m realizing more and more how my approach was unhelpful and even rude in that situation. (So, thank you. Never let it be said I can’t be convinced that I’m wrong.)
I appreciate the level-headed conversations in this thread, and I appreciate those of you who are patient with me when I use this space to express what’s on my mind. I’m not an expert or an essayist, this is just an online diary.
Thank you for making that connection and your willingness to talk about it.
You make me think about things, and I will keep coming back because thinking is good.
Fuck. Yaknow what this is like? This is like when it said “Show your work” on math tests, and I’d be all, “You’ve got to be KIDDING ME” and almost be overcome with the desire to beat myself unconscious on the desk because really? REALLY?
I breastfed, milk dried up, had to switch to very expensive, specialized formula because The Boy had health issues, blah, blah. And yaknow what? He’s the happiest, most beautiful baby boy in the world.
I don’t care if you get the answer to the extremely detailed, difficult equation the same way I do. The result is supposed to be happy, healthy babies. As long as you GET THERE, who cares HOW you did?
(Also? I had gotten so far into my own head about the whole breastfeeding issue that when I had to switch to formula, it broke my damn heart. Cleaved it clean in two, and left me thinking I was a terrible mother and a failure. I’d been told the same thing by my doctor and friends and family, and it was just crushing. This is something we shouldn’t do to new mothers – this is something that is wrong. Being a mom is hard enough without feeling like a failure because you have to or choose to feed your baby one way or the other. You’re taking away from the child when you make the mother feel bad like that, and it’s bullshit. I’M JUST SAYIN’.)
I can’t think of any parenting choice by a stranger that I feel the need to comment on. Much less in public. But, I am saving in reserve the reply my mother made to a young family friend who felt the need to apologize for bottle feeding (a decision she made frankly because she could never get comfortable with her breast as a non-sexual object) in front of my Earth Mother mom. Mom looked her in the eye, over the head of her beautiful baby boy, and said “never apologize for growing a strong baby, whatever food you’re using to do it.”
First of all, I will say that I formula fed my two boys BY CHOICE. Was I “uneducated” about the “benefits” of breastfeeding? No. I tried with my first son and found it to be a pain. Formula was easier for me and my family. Was I in need of an “intervention” by a breastfeeding mother when spotted in public feeding my children from a bottle? Hell no.
From reading some of these comments you’d think formula was laced in arsenic or something… There is nothing wrong with formula feeding and even if someone is not educated on the “benefits” of breastfeeding, it seems from some comments that there is assumption that the poor child should be saved and the mother educated properly. I am a teacher and I look at my classroom of kids and can’t tell a breastfed child from a formula fed child. It doesn’t matter.
I have to agree with one poster… it get a bit annoying when breastfeeding moms seem to have this ‘badge of honor’ just for nursing. You’re feeding your kid- its what you are supposed to do. You choose your breasts, others choose a can of formula. As long as the child is being fed, we all deserve a badge of honor.
Apart from the value judgement about breastfeeding, I detect in the statement support for mothers breastfeeding in public, since women are still made to feel it’s inappropriate. It always kills me when I see some mom breastfeeding in a smelly public washroom because she’s “not allowed” to do it out where people (who were once bottle or breastfed) might see.
I don’t know why adults get in such a snit about women out in public breastfeeding. Most – at least all the women I’ve ever seen – are discreet about it. There might be the odd exception, but it’s just weird to me that it offends some people (women included).
Alright, now I’ll wade briefly into the specifics of this debate after Nicole’s comment. Breastfeeding your child is an accomplishment. It just is. It requires self sacrifice, dedication and lots of hard work. A lot of other things about parenting are accomplishments — raising kids who laugh at jokes, teaching life lessons, managing to change a poopy diaper on a squirming 2-year-old. All are accomplishments. And one accomplishment isn’t necessarily better than the other. I don’t think people who were able to breastfeed their kids should gloat about it, but achieving an accomplishment is a “badge of honor,” in a sense. That’s the reason I liked how this post and comment string were playing out so much. We all deserve to be complimented on our kids every once in a while — it makes us feel good. Admitedly, I think if a woman had come up to me and said what this doula did, I would’ve thanked her and thought, ‘well, that was strange.’ But, I still think it would’ve made me feel nice. Like I said before, there’s no one *right* way to parent. And I agree with Linda’s thoughts in the comments, we do need to compliment each other more.
I think it’s nobody’s business what a woman chooses to do with her body. If she chooses not to breastfeed b/c she doesn’t want to, that’s her choice. As long as she’s feeding her child, I can’t see why it matters. This will always be a debate, just like working moms vs stay at home moms. My son was formula fed, I’m not going to state the reasons why. He is happy and healthy. The end.
As someone else who won’t be breastfeeding (we’re adopting, and I’m not putting my body through the exhausting protocols you have to use to try to generate some breastmilk without a pregnancy), I’m generally hypersensitive to that topic. I’m not looking forward to being judged by people who don’t know what they’re talking about. But. I have to say that I didn’t pick up the disrespectful vibe from that doula you quoted. I got the sense that she’s just trying to create an environment where women aren’t viewed as doing something dirty when they’re doing something that is, in fact, very natural. I wish it was something coming naturally to me…I’ve finally moved past feeling ripped off by not being able to experience a pregnancy, but the breastfeeding is going to keep stinging once the baby is here, I think.
Having said that, I also think it’s no one’s business what a mother chooses to do. My only point in commenting was that I think this woman was trying to be supportive of those who breastfeed, not negative toward those who don’t.
Or maybe I’d just smile and tell her what a beautiful baby she had. Because anything else is really none of my damn business.
AMEN!!!!! How I chose to feed my child is my own business! (I formula fed) and I caught hell from everywhere.
Phew, people get all up in other people’s business when it comes to this kind of thing. I think that if you can’t say something neutral, don’t say anything at all.
I think the emphasis should be on making sure women with young infants feel comfortable in public–feeding an infant in public seems to open you up to nasty looks and comments, regardless of whether you are breast- or bottle-feeding. Our society certainly does need to be more accepting of women nursing in public (hello, do YOU eat YOUR lunch in a bathroom?) but it certainly should not be at the expense of women who choose, for whatever reason, to bottlefeed.
And for the record, I nursed my son for 18 months. It was a wonderful experience, and I think it enriched both of our lives. He’s also had chronic ear infections, currently has his first set of tubes, will probably need a second set, and is having speech delays due to oral motor weakness. I was formula-fed, have a very close relationship with my mom, and never had any ear troubles at all. I wish we’d get away from the idea that everything that is wrong with our children can somehow be traced back to something we mothers did or did not do.
Just chiming in… you ladies rock!! Each and every one of you, who chooses to raise their children to healthy adulthood, regardless of how you make it happen. Good job all!
I really and truly appreciate your last comment, and since you’re right — moms don’t compliment each other enough:
Your boys seem, in the limited slice of their lives we see here, to be so healthy, happy, and brimming with joie de vivre. Good job, mom. :)
Re: Lori
Yes, breastfeeding is an accomplishment. I don’t discount that it is hard and time consuming and a personal sacrifice. BUT…. it is a choice. No one forces anyone to breastfeed and to sacrifice their time and freedom and ability to hand over night feedings to dad. I don’t think gloating is necessary (not saying any or all of you are gloating, but I’ve been around many breastfeeders that gloat about their “accomplishment”…). Its like someone deciding to take a mountain versus going through the tunnel to get to the other side. It’s their CHOICE. They both end up at the same place (in feeding terms… a healthy, happy toddler). Neither choice is “better”… it is a choice. Does that mean the person who chose the more self sacrificing road should be gloated over? No. Not in my opinion.
Typical children, no matter if they were breastfed or formula fed… will grow to be healthy toddlers. I think studies are bunk…. After reading this article http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/7311/ I can’t agree with myself more. There are so many factors that make people thing breastfed children are smarter or better or healthier. You need to look at the fact that many children from families with parents who don’t spend enough time with them are typically NOT going to be breastfed… thus, lowering the IQ score in that category.
As a teacher, I think instead of so much proactivity in pushing breastfeeding to “give your children the best” there should be more proactivity in pushing parents to read to their children, to spend time with them, to sing and play with them. THAT is what will “give your children the best”…. not the liquids they ate for the first year of their life.
I think of this debate (breast v. bottle) as one of the welcome banners into motherhood, a universe where you’re damned if you and damned if you don’t and where it behooves us all to try to keep the noise out and rest easy knowing we’re doing the best job we can.
As a mother who works full time outside the home and who nursed, I have to say, the looks and the raised eyebrows I got at my small workplace when I had to pump four times a day to even begin to keep up with my son’s demand were damaging. The pump was my nemesis, reminding me every 2 hours that I had to be away from my baby. I hated it. But I felt compelled to do it b/c I had such guilt being away from my son. I also had immense guilt b/c I had an emergency c section and I was so sad that my child was born that way so I felt I had to make up for that experience by nursing. I’m not saying this makes sense, but it’s how I felt at the time.
There are so many of these mixed messages for moms–from how you deliver, if you breast feed, if you work outside the home or choose to stay home, if you send your child to public or private school, if you spoil them or not, and on and on and on. It’s never ending, when you think about it. And just when you think you’ve heard it all, you will hear something new!
The glaring lesson for me as a mom has been to really begin to have faith and trust in my core decisions and to be as polite as possible to people who quite honestly have no idea what they are talking about, since they’re not living my life.
So while in theory I can agree that everything is normal, I think perhaps we need to think about that on a more micro scale, even. Only you know what’s normal for your family and only I know what’s normal for mine. Assuming children are being loved and cared for with the best intentions, the other decisions matter within the immediate family but the more global “eye” to them really has no relevance.
Just want to say thanks for posting this. I just had my third baby about six weeks ago. I try to breastfeed every time and every time I have to stop for a variety of reason. But it drives me nuts how people expect me to explain myself. On the other side of the coin – I’ve seen some people being given a hard time for breastfeeding. I don’t think it’s anyone’s business how you feed your kid – I’m all for the comments about how beautiful the baby is….not how you are feeding the baby. :)
Thanks for positing this! I solely breastfed my daughter but after having twins 14 weeks premature, I was forced to pump while they were in the NICU for 5 months. Then when they came home, I decided that pumping and bottling worked more efficiently for me so I continued and gave up trying to nurse. I have wrestled alot with “what do people think” about me bottling my babies and have finally convinced myself WHO CARES what people think. I know what’s best for my babies, and my family, be it breast milk from the breast, from a bottle, or formula.
Ok, I had to chime in one last time. I know, I know. Stop beating the dead horse. I don’t think my analogy I posted before was very accurate. Let me try this…
Yes, breastfeeding is more “natural”… its the most natural way to feed your child. It’s the “original” way to feed a child. But… society and technology have come a long way and formula, IMO, is just as good as breast milk.
Its like saying that a long time ago it was most “natural” to farm and harvest your own food, to grow it and make everything from scratch. But again, we’ve come a long way from that and pre-made food is now available. So… should we give those people who choose to still grow and harvest and make their own food a “badge of honor” because they are ACCOMPLISHING something? Not really. It is their choice, as is breastfeeding/formula feeding.
Linda-
I love how you write and what you write. You are honest about your experiences, frustrations, fears, and joys. You don’t avoid a topic because you think people might get pissed. I think the choices you are making for your family are just right for you and your family. The end.
This blog entry was over at The Spohrs are Multiplying, and it reiterated what you were saying about not knowing the circumstances. Thank you for loving your children so openly and unabashedly. I will keep reading you until you stop posting.
http://thespohrsaremultiplying.com/2010/06/
FUCKING A, LINDA.
Thank you for posting on this topic! Two years later, I am still battling feelings of guilt, grief, and failure, because I wasn’t able to breastfeed to the extent I wanted to. People are VERY hard on moms who bottle-feed, and it’s a time in a woman’s life (hormones, lack of confidence, etc) when she really does not need people to be hard on her. So your last line has me CHEERING! Rock on, Linda!
Once again….SWISH!
Also, my son is four months…and I’ve been working 30 hours or so every week for over a month. The only person who has a problem that I’m not breastfeeding enough and “drying up” is actually my spouse. I know spouse talk is off limits but man..
i have a great future. Don’t wantto brag about “stuff” i have. I just want to breathe easily, relax, work hard and give life everything it has to offer. yea. I’m pretty cute too. 6′2. 208, white, self employed for 26 years (same place).
wife is locked into her mom and priests.
i must admit organied religion makes my physically sick. I will be sick.
love to send you photo–starting to learn. ust got bluetooth- I thought you were supposed to clean your ears with it. I tried but it just came popping out through the other ide of my head ~!! smile.