The constipated dude is from the Zelnorm commercial, I think. Except I thought it was a women-only drug. Hmmm…..

Maybe you and JB just need to have a big bubble-blowing contest. I mean, no one can stay mad when you’re blowing. Right?

heh. blowing.

OK, so what’s the deal with Bubble Tape, anyway? That shit’s been around since I was a kid. “It’s six feet of Bubble Tape…for YOU, not THEM.” Everyone remembers this little ditty, don’t they? Well you know what?! They’re bloody liars! I measured my Bubble Tape and it was never six feet long. False advertising, false advertising!

I’m going to sue.

What is it with gum? Why am i the only one i know who hates it? I feel so left out! And, meh – so you had to delete an entry – how many times have we all wanted to delete a conversation from our minds? Stop being so hard on yourself! Go blow bubbles – i expect pictures…..

Okay, I’m late…but just got yesterday’s entry today and freaked a bit a few minutes ago because this site wouldn’t come up. I need to get a life. I love your blog, but seriously needed to catch my breath thinking you’d pulled up your internet stakes and left us. Me=needs a life. Please don’t sharing. I’m sorry it was so rough. And yes, blowing, in any form, is damn funny! (Also, glad the boy is rash-free!)

You brought me almost to tears yesterday, only because I could recall what an ass I felt like the first time (and only hopefully only time) my child witnessed us fight. You feel like an ass and a horrible person and oh.my.god.i.swore.i.would.never.do.that.

I wanted to email, but thought since you shut comments down that you didn’t really want to hear opinions, good or bad. Couldn’t blame you for that!

For the record, you can tell JB that I didn’t interpret your post as him being abusive at all. It just sounded to me like two people who were worried, tired and probably ready to lash out at the first opportunity. It happens.

No worries :)

How sad that I immediately screeched, “ZELNORM!” when I saw the exposed belly.
As for the JB entry disagreement, well, I’ve been there, too, and I don’t have any sage advice. Basically I am Not Allowed to write about Adam in any capacity other than the most basic: “Adam and I went to the store. We bought milk.” And if that’s not riveting, I don’t know what is.

It *is* hard when it’s your space, and things affect you, and damn, you can’t just launch off about whatever and whoever you want, no matter how honest and fair it seems like you’re being. It seems disingenuous to the medium, if I may sound like some sort of lame academic for a moment. But, like anything, feh, there is compromise, even if it’s reluctant.

I thought the constipated tummy was a Photoshopped JB’s and thought, “He’s probably not going to like this entry much, either”.

I hate those commercials that let stomachs have a life of their own. There was a Levi’s commerical awhile back that had all these women’s belly buttons belting out like Diana Ross, “I’m coming out!” Creepy. But the gum? Totally cool.

I love me some gum!!! Orbitz is my favorite, as I go thru about 3 packs a day. I just tried the lemon one this weekend too, and it kicks some serious sugar ass!

I dont know what to say about the fighting thing. It makes me sad, but I have gone thru it too. To look back and think what did I do? Just be aware next time. I know I am more aware when I start getting angry. I will walk away, count to 10, pop some gum and start cleaning. Thats usually the biggest clue that I am pissed off, when the house starts looking really clean… but I digress. chin up, lovely.

i didnt see JB as abusive at all. i can see how he could be upset about it though, he probably felt just as bad about the situation as you did and felt crappy having to read it play by play.
i hear ya on the freedom to write (no, i didnt just type ‘right’, thank you very much) issue. i’ve had more arguments with my significant about being too open with him and what part he plays in my life. he stopped reading my blog as a result when i made it clear that this was my outlet and the people that are reading it dont actually know us! (might be different for you).
so problem solved. if he wants to read it? he knows my information to get into it. otherwise? he leaves it alone.

Dude! I forgot about Bubble Tape! I didn’t know it even still existed, in fact. We used to see who could chew the longest piece and go through like 3 rolls a day when we had a bunch of it. Especially since it used to lose flavor after about 3.2 seconds. Is it still the same, or have they improved it?

I’ve had to learn to keep my husband in mind when blogging, and he too has asked me to remove some things that reflected him differently than he wanted. It’s hard to be edited, but I’ve learned that it makes him happier, which in turns makes me happier, because a bitchy husband is never any fun.

Ah, Sundry, I’m so glad you’re back today!! When I saw the comments off yesterday I thought maybe you had reached the end of this generous emotional rope and were going to shut down the whole empire. I feel for you and I wish you the best with healing over this scar. I came home yesterday and told my boyfriend about the entry and I swear I started tearing up like I actually knew you and JB in “real” life! I was all, “they make up little songs together! And like, cartoons of unicorns with boners and stuff!” But I know better–everyone is complicated, everyone has shit ass days, and your honesty yesterday was braze and amazing and is what makes you an incredible writer/person/mom. Good luck.

Looks like I barely caught that last entry before you took it down. For the record, I really appreciated it.

Since I don’t have your email I have to comment and say I completely understand where you were coming from writing that entry. And in so many ways. I had a blog that I’ve stopped writing for that very reason – something I said hurt my husband, and he felt exposed. Once I started trying to write to avoid hurting/shaming/exposing other people, well – I couldn’t write at all.

Anyway. Your entry yesterday made me cry with it’s total naked honesty. This is coming from someone who has also thrown something at her husband whom she loves dearly. And he has punched a wall. Neither of us are abusive. But neither of us is perfect, either.

Not meaning to ramble – just wanted to let you know I understand. And I’m grateful to you for saying it, making me less alone in what has happened to us.

I also told my SO about your entry, and asked him if he could imagine us getting that angry if we had a kid. His response was, “um, have you met us?” When we get worn down, it’s not so good. But, there’s always stuff to work on. For the record it didn’t occur to me that JB’s action could have been misconstrued as abusive in any way. I just didn’t get that out of your entry.

What???? Your entry was meticulously about *you*, and your own turmoil about the ugliness you saw in your own self. The only place you suggest JB might have given back was in the comment about a bit of tussling (if I’m remembering the wording correctly), and honestly I envisioned him trying to get you to stop throwing things…

Several commenters have pointed to an important thing, though. If JB’s going through similar turmoil, just seeing the ugliness laid so bare has got to be painful for him. So, I guess I wish he could be more open about that, instead of relying on ‘it makes me look bad’; the former leaves things open, while the latter pretty much requires you to remove the post. I may be out of line — not actually knowing you two — but it seems more like JB doesn’t want to confront what the ugliness might mean, about you, about him, about you two, etc. All that said, partnership means balancing your own needs with your partner’s, and it seems like the right thing to do, to listen to his needs, even if he’s not good at expressing the real ones.

I was awed by yesterday’s post. I aspire to that level of emotional honesty. You are amazing.

I thought about your entry much of yesterday and this morning, and composed several emails in my head to let you know how sorry I was that you (and JB) were feeling so down about what had happened. I guess I also figured had you wanted comments, you would have asked for them! Still, I am sorry. I read your post knowing that someday that will be my husband and I… I think fights are inevitable in any close relationship. I can already sense a change in ours since I became pregnant, and I can’t imagine what having a baby adds to the mix, not to mention a “woe is me” baby. And as much as you hated to do that in front of Riley, and might feel like you’ve hit a new low, just keep in mind that he won’t remember any of this. Lord knows my parents made mistakes as I was growing up, and I was privy to the occasional fight, and I still lead a happy, well-adjusted lifestyle. You’re great parents- it’s evident in Riley’s smiles! Enjoy your gum. :)

Thanks for yesterday’s post. None of us is the person she wants to be 24/7. I think good intentions do count and help us regain our footing when we get way off the tracks. I didn’t think poorly of JB either.

i caught yesterdays entry as well and wanted to say i didnt get the impression of JB being abusive either. i know what its like to be insanely exhausted and on the last bit of battery. it sucks that you fought in front of riley but lesson learned. its something you never want your child to see but make sure you do show him that people do disagree and fight. fighting is part of life and if dealt with properly can be very theraputic.

also, like cailtin above i’m completely addicted to your entries. my boyfriend glimpses over at the screen every once in a while and completely knows which site im looking at. he also hears the many funny stories whether he wants to or not. your the “seattle lady with the baby” in our house. ;p

cheer up lady!

I thought you portrayed JB very well in that entry. You didn’t say anything mean or that he was at fault for everything… but I guess that it doesn’t feel good to see someone describing a very personal fight from their point of view for the world to see.

I thought that your entry from yesterday was great and honest and you are wonderful for writing it. Even though it is gone now, it still helped me immensely to read it (sometimes I feel like no one has fights like my boyfriend and I do, and always about the same damn things) and hopefully it helped you to write it and get that out. Honestly, your entry from the other week about always getting stuck with all the housework was very good for me to read too. I never thought of getting a maid. Now we have agreed that if he can’t keep up his end of the housework, FINE, we will just pay someone else to do it instead of fighting about it endlessly. I wish I had thought of it myself 3 or 4 years ago, it would have saved me many tears and afternoons locked in the bathroom after a fight.

Reading your honest, wonderful writing is so helpful to me. Sundry: it’s better than therapy, and cheaper too!

I’m sorry you had to take it down. That post left me feeling like I got the wind knocked out of me; it was powerful, and raw, and made me think about my own relationship, and future with my man and my baby-to-be.

Fabulous writing, and you should be proud that so many of us read it and felt what you wrote. And I feel special — I was able to read it during the Limited Time Offer!

I didn’t get the impression that JB was being abusive at all. I had just envisioned him trying to grab you to 1) calm you down, and 2) stop you from throwing things before your aim improved.

You guys were human. A cranky baby + being cooped up inside = a fight waiting to happen.

Neither my fiance nor I are particularly aggressive people, but we can fight nasty about the most ridiculous things (once we had a fight about CHEESE: i.e., The Proper Way to Wrap it so it Doesn’t go Bad in the Fridge) and I came *thisclose* to actually punching him in the face.

It happens. Thank you for being such an honest writer.

I think you are not alone…I expect to have some days like that when I have children too. Emotions run wild and your tired and frustrated and everything just goes to hell in the blink of an eye. Sometimes people need to read entries like yours to help them realize that they are not alone.
I also think it’s time to bust out the Fuck It Bucket

I so badly wanted to e-mail you yesterday when you posted that entry but I figured the “comments off” was understandable. My husband and I also had a fight involving baby Tylenol over the weekend…I’m not kidding but a long story. If I wasn’t holding my daughter at the time, I would have hit him. I was enraged and later that rage scared me. Marriage and parenthood have put unbelieveable pressures on us.

Your baby (because he still is your baby) was very sick and the two of you can only take out that anxiety on each other. I completely understand why JB was upset you posted that but I also think it was a pretty damn good way for you to try to deal with it. From my point of view, no one looked abusive at all….everyone was stressed and something had to blow. You guys are not alone. But it is a scary road to walk down…I admire your courage to expose these sensitive parts of your life. At least you are dealing with the feelings and not burying them. Sorry for the long comment but I was incredibly touched by that post.

I, like some of the others, wanted to email you but figured since comments were off that you didn’t want to be bothered. I’m sorry that you and JB had a really rough day and I am sad that you took down the entry (this one, and the birthday cake entry… priceless!). I don’t think a single one of us saw JB as being abusive, but rather two people at the end of their ropes. We all do bad things when we get to that point. But what I appreciated most about the entry is getting a glimpse of what a real relationship can be like when you have a new baby–you just can’t get that anywhere else. We need uncensored doses of reality sometimes to show us that life isn’t perfect, but it still can be so good.

Delurking to say that I thought yesterday’s entry was beautifully honest. I was left with a feeling of understanding the complexity of the situation and its aftermath, but not with a feeling of negativity toward JB (or you). The entry was real and true and… incredibly touching. I’m sorry you felt that you needed to take it down, but I understand. I just feel lucky that I was able to read it before you did so. The last part about trying to mend a marriage after each time that its fabric is torn really hit home… thank you.

I know that I’m repeating what others have said but… I truly admire your honesty in being able to write what you did yesterday, it was powerful and scary and real. For what it’s worth, JB didn’t come across as abusive at all.

Oh, and go the bubble blowing :)

Me again. I actually DID cry yesterday, which I why I wrote to you. My littlest daughter thought my father-in-law had died (he is very sick with cancer). So… glad to hear things are a little better. Also, I’m not a gum chewer, never have been, but my kids love Bubble Tape. I think I want to try the lemon stuff, though. Blowing might work for me at this point as well.

Keep up the good writing and the hard mothering/wifing. (Is that a word?) We’ve all been where you are.

P.S. I secretly dream of blogging, but am afraid to bear my soul for all to read. I think I will stick to password-protected journals for a bit longer.

For what it’s worth, I didn’t read “abuse” in there anywhere either. But, private’s private and I think it’s pretty honorable to go back and revise on occasion. I mean, it’s your journal, you know?

I could eat that Eclipse gum until my jaws broke, I think.

You and JB seem like normal young parents to me. But what I really want to say is how SICK is everyone else of all these TV ads with people sharing about how their ass hurts or their crotch stinks or their penis isn’t hard enough or their poop just won’t come out?!!! I mean, I was watching this one ad where a woman is lurking in the “feminine products” aisle of the store and then approaches this poor unsuspecting chick and boldly asks her “Does your mini pad ever feel wet and sticky?” No – REALLY. I can’t remember what pad manufacturer it was but I was so grossed out. If some weird lady came up to me and asked me that I would deck her and tell her to get the hell away from me. Wet and sticky, indeed – isn’t anything sacred anymore? Do we have to discuss ALL bodily functions in the public forum? Is there anything left that you just talk to your mom about or do we just share everything with everyone from here on out? Jeez. Anyway – your “I’m constipated” photo hit a nerve… I think you and JB are good parents. Relax and enjoy.

I thought your entry yesterday perfectly captured the way an ordinary argument suddenly spirals out of control and you cross that line that makes it something serious. You don’t mean to, you aren’t headed that way, and then bam, you’ve just thrown something and broken the kitchen window. And said something you can’t take back to someone you love. You were very brave and honest to write it, and I didn’t take anything negative about JB away from it at all.

But I am married to a very private man myself, so I understand why he asked you to take it down, and why you did.

Ditto with the whole not seeing abuse thing. But my heart ached for you guys reading that entry yesterday. I know you can’t unsay what’s been said, but I hope you two can move past this swiftly and with love. Best of luck.

I read your entry yesterday and remembered all the frustration and stress that comes with an ill child. For some reason Hubby and I also turned on each other to vent and relieve some of those feelings.
I think in the grand scheme of things there are so many worse things that can be done in front of your son. I mean it sounds like you are going to attempt to avoid a similar occurance in the future so take a deep breath, learn from it and then let it go. It’s in the past and nothing can be done about it. So let it stay there.

I know everyone else has said this, but I also wanted to say that your post really hit me. Your comments about things that are rips in the fabric of your marriage was so poignant and honest. It brought me right back to two moments in my marriage. They were years ago, but I can still feel them there. The good news is, like you said, you move on and cover them over and they don’t exactly heal, but they don’t hurt anymore. You work around them and go on. I think everyone who has ever been in any kind of serious relationship has had these moments, they are just painful to admit and talk about. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone.

As everyone before me has already said, I thought yesterday’s post was heart-wrenching and raw and I was so impressed by your courage in posting it. I so remember that one fight we had in front of your children—not the fight so much as their little faces—and your post reminded me that we are all human and we all screw up and we are all in pain and just trying to do our best.

JB did not come off as abusive to me at all. I so understand the struggle to allow your blog to be emotionally honest while attempting to not upset the people closest to you; that is exactly why my blog is so bland and yours is so fabulous.

I just wanted to thank you for that post, and to wish you and your family all the best.

I thought it was a great entry. And full of the very “real” scary stuff none of us like to talk about, so we end up feeling guilty and ashamed. You aren’t alone. I have been there in a fight like that. I think most of us who are really honest would tell you the same thing.

>”I was all, ‘they make up little songs together! And like, cartoons of unicorns with boners and stuff!’ ” Caitlin’s comment totally cracked me up.

>”But I know better–everyone is complicated, everyone has shit ass days, and your honesty yesterday >was brave and amazing and is what makes you an incredible writer/person/mom.”
Ditto.

When I read your post I didn’t view your husband as abusive at all. I viewed you both as undergoing a stressful time, needing your own individual space, it digressing into a fight, spinning out of control, and you both being really really human.

It’s never great to shove one another, or to raise voice, say nasty things, or do anything that causes you to stop and think “I shoulda, coulda, woulda”

And I am raising my hand in saying I admit it’s really fucking hard when you have a kid to stop and think “Oh shit I am being a bad influence” when you are all wrapped up in your own stuff.

You and JB will work this out, you’ll toss a coupla bucks in Rileys therapy bucket and life will go on:) Just because you fight with your husband doesn’t mean you don’t love him:)

hi Sundry,

I admired you for your courage to post yesterday’s entry. It was so HONEST and raw – I was in tears. And JB, I didn’t get the impression that he was a Meany…
But it sure was scary…

Oh, and for JO in the comments: I can’t stand gum either. Yay! And now we’re two.

For what it’s worth- when I read the tusseling part of your entry yesterday, I did not think anything abusive about it, but also thought “Uh, oh, people are going to read more into this than they should.” Written words, man, people will always interpret certain things differently.

Also, just to let you know, I thought the entry was very brave and touching. There are always things that you can beat yourself up over or regret; I think the thing to be proud of is that you are honest with both yourself (most important) and the people around you. I can only strive to be that honest. It touched me while reading the entry – knowing that I will probably be in the same situation, there will be scars on my future marriage regardless of how hard I try, because I also lovelovelove to say all kinds of awful crap when I am mad and hateful and full of wanting-to-throw stuff. The good part is that you and JB will work through it together. At least that’s the way I think it will be with my fiance….. people have such romantic notions of love and marriage, when the most romantic thing of all is that everyone has ups and downs and you work through them together… no one has a perfect relationship.

I burst into tears after reading yesterday’s entry, because it was so rawly true and because I could identify so strongly–with what happened, and with how you felt, and with the analogy you drew to a scar. We have needed the metaphorical Neosporin around here many times, and it feels so much worse when there are children.

I wanted to email you, but thought that comments being turned off was a clear sign you didn’t want feedback about it, and I wanted to respect your privacy, considering what an intensely personal thing you’d just told us about.

I didn’t think it reflected badly on JB. It sounded like two people in one of those arguments that gets way out of hand, and neither person wants it to. It’s like this wild beast that gets into the room, and no one can figure out how to stop it. I felt, if anything, more fond of both of you after I read it. But I understand why you took it down when he asked you to: I would almost certainly do the same if it was very important to my husband, and I would want him to do that for me if I asked.

Frankly, I think you should put JB’s head through the window for making you take that post down.

Kidding! We’ve all been there. Well, expect my fights were in front of a dog. But she gave us that same look! Then bit him. Heh.

I know everyone else has said this, but I think that JB may have been worried that the whole pushing/shoving match made him look bad because he is a guy. I know, that when I am pissed, I can shove my 200lb+ husband around and have. It’s not nice. I’m not proud. But when I read that, I didn’t automatically think that he’d shoved you around and was a wife beater or some shit, out of my own sad experience, I figured it was you since you’d already thrown shit. Which I have also done. We all do things that we are not proud of. The difference is, in the middle of everything, you REALIZED what you were doing. Alot of people never see it, and it escalates into insane shit. And the two of you said some shit that can’t be taken back, but it can be apologized for because at THAT moment you meant it. You don’t come anywhere near thinking that everyday, every week, or even every month. Ya’ll will be ok, sometimes it’s better to get that shit out than let it simmer and fester and then come out all crazy. And kids need to know that their parents fight, it’s not the end of the world, and that it doesn’t mean that you will leave each other or them. How else are they going to learn how to argue and make up with anyone else?
JB is a good guy. You are a good woman. You both are good parents. Don’t worry about it, apologize, talk it out, and have makeup sex. It’s all good.

I have to admit the pushing (shoving? I don’t remember the word now) scared me, and I sat here in shock for a few minutes while I tried to imagine JB doing that in an abusive fashion, and it didn’t really fit in with everything else I “know” about you. Basically I just hoped you were okay. I’m glad to know you are.

Oh my Gosh. Polar ice gum! That is my favourite, and you cannot get it in NZ. *whine*

JB didn’t strike me as being abusive. Nate gets the same when I write about him, we sometimes have even bigger fights about that, and then I want to write about how we fought about what I write. I think ’cause a lot of Nate’s customers read my website, he doesn’t want to come off in a bad light, when I talk about him smashing stuff up.

Anyway. JB=great as usual. We all go through it :)

You are an incredible woman with an incredible gift for laying bare your life for all to see. You portray yourself with complete honesty, and allow us to feel that we really know you. I felt so terribly for the way you felt about yourself yesterday, and can completely understand that feeling of a momentary loss of control. Its so hard when the person that is really driving you nuts is only one year old and has no idea they’re doing it. Its easier to blame each other, because at least you can ARGUE, which is a relief in itself.
And for the record, i didn’t read that entry as JB being abusive in any way. I hope you can both forgive yourselves for being all too human.

Your entry yesterday was so good, it changed my feelings about blogs. I’d been thinking that I should be careful, and private, and guarded. When something bad happened today, I thought I wouldn’t write about it—too personal, too upsetting, too controversial. But then I was thinking about your entry yesterday, and how much dimension it added to the Sundry person I feel like I know from reading your journal. It was good that you shared it. It made me feel that blogs can really be diaries, places where we write anything we really feel.