Sep
18
September 18, 2007
LET’S START WITH A LINK
I have never played Dungeons & Dragons, but this page is possibly the funniest thing I have ever seen. “Let’s play a game. You’re looking at the unholy union of a shark and a squid. Can you guess what they called it? If you said “Squark” you are correct. Sigh.” Haaaaaa! Ah, good times.
AND NOW ONWARD TO THE BLOG
Contractors have started painting the kitchen and addition, and while the last thing I want to do is complain about forward movement on this whole endless, months-behind-schedule remodel, I was a little unhappy when we got home after work yesterday and they were still at it, with nothing between us and the chokingly thick fumes other than a flimsy plastic dropcloth attached from ceiling to floor (which featured—I really shouldn’t tell you this but I can’t help myself—a disturbingly vaginal-shaped opening about at chest level, which gently opened and closed its . . . uh, labia . . . with the drafts, like some creepy scene from Videodrome).
Hanging out in a house positively reeking of fresh paint (it had dissipated somewhat by late evening, but not so much that you couldn’t still taste the fumes coating your tonsils) with a 2 year old, while pregnant, seems kind of, oh, I don’t know, like maybe I want my kids to have low test scores. And maybe in our unborn child’s case, an extra limb or two. Growing out of its head.
I can’t do much but open windows and hope the walls are finished soon and we can move on to a less toxic stage, but all the open doors (contractors have the worst habit of leaving the front door wide open all day long, what the hell is that? I mean, other than convenient access to the front yard where they stand and smoke, letting Eau de Camel Filters Hard Pack come wafting inside) and windows are paving way for some extremely unwelcome visitors, namely the Tegenaria duellica; formerly known as T. gigantea. I’m talking about these big bastards (warning! Unpleasant image at the other end of that link! Proceed with caution, fellow arachnophobes!), and their ongoing presence both outside (but frighteningly close to) and inside our house is FREAKING ME RIGHT THE HELL OUT.
One came skittering directly towards the couch I was sitting on the other night, and I don’t think I’ve ever come so close to peeing my own pants from sheer terror. It was sixty or seventy feet tall and its fangs glistened in the moonlight, at least that’s how I remember it. I couldn’t even cowboy up to get rid of it myself, I had to race outside (I accomplished this by levitating straight off the sofa and flying through the air, because you better believe my feet were not going to touch the ground anywhere near that thing) and squeak frantically at JB to come inside and jesus, BRING THE SKILSAW.
I should clarify for posterity that JB feels my comment on the (unpleasant) spider photo that claimed that he took the picture by “quickly lunging the camera at the beast and snapping wildly” is incorrect. “You and I are remembering that differently,” he told me, and I suppose it’s possible that we are. For instance, I remember a man nervously poking at a spider with a metal rake, then positioning the camera as far from his own body as he could in order to snap the photo, allowing for about .003 seconds to do so. I may have forgotten the part where he manfully strode up, unleashed a mighty battle cry, then used his enormous penis to trigger the shutter. If so, mea culpa.
ENOUGH ABOUT PAINT AND SPIDERS
Man, I am suddenly DYING to know if Riley’s going to have a brother or sister. I’ve felt fairly zen about this until this week, and now I just feel like my brain is tuned to some obsessive binary channel of BOY? GIRL? BOY? GIRL? all the time. Until my ultrasound, which is next week thank GOD, got any interesting gender-predicting wives’ tails for me to try out?
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Gosh, I always thought that you were exaggerating on the bigness of the spiders at your house, but OH MY GOD! That thing is atrocious. I am so sorry and I hope that your remodel is finished soon so you don’t have to worry about those buggers any more.
I am also dying to know if Riley will have a little brother or sister. Hurry up, next week!
Thread a needle (doesn’t matter what color thread), hold it over your wrist (let the needle dangle), and let it go still. It will start to swing and it will tell you all the children you’ve had or will have (so it should go back & forth first, for Riley, then go still, then make another movement for this baby). Back & forth is a boy, in a circle is a girl. It’s worked for EVERYONE i’ve tried it on… and I can’t wait to try it on myself soon, too!
let me know if it works.
Just stay out of drafts while trying this…
http://www.opaqueprintproduction.com/jbblog
Gender predictor that seems to be pretty spot on:
Mothers age at conception + Month of conception = Even number for girl and Odd number for boy.
It has been correct with both of my kids (current one in utero) and all of my friends kids. The key is you have to be 100% certain on month of conception.
I can’t wait to find out what you are having! I find out about mine on Friday morning during the big ultrasound.
As for old wives’ tales, I’ve had people tell me that they think I’m having a girl because the baby’s heart rate was really fast. I guess we’ll see. It’s really a win-win. I don’t care either way, I just WANT TO KNOW NOWWWWWWWWW.
I’d like to comment on the baby stuff, but I can’t right now, since I’m too busy with the SPIDERS that I clearly feel CRAWLING ALL OVER ME!
you’re all tummy with not much bulk, i’m going for boy.
Ooh, Trina, that one says it’s going to be a girl!
JennB, I’ll have to try the needle trick tonight. If I can find a needle, that is. Or thread it.
That spider made me shudder.
I have no reason to think this. But I’m going with boy :)
I now have permanent chills going down my spine from that photo. I didn’t want to look, but I had to! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh. You are one brave woman, just to reside in the vicinity of that BEAST.
I have no good boy/girl predictors. Am lame. But I’m excited nonetheless to find out what you’re having, even though it will be equally thrilling either way.
holy shit that spider. my god woman, you weren’t kidding!!!!
i remember being all crazy about finding out the sex for no. 2. it just plays over and over in your mind about ‘boy girl boy girl and if it’s another boy then he can wear those outfits that no. 1 outgrew before you found them in the drawer, but oooh if it’s a girl then all! new! clothes! except for the girl clothes that you bought the first time before you knew you were having a boy and won’t it be so cute to actually have a daughter to wear those’ and on and on and on and on.
i don’t know any gender tests, but i do know that the common heartbeat fast/ slow did not work for me. everyone thought i was having a girl both times based on heartbeat and nope, i’ve got me two cute boys.
can’t wait to hear either way for you! i do have to say there is just something about two little boys that i love. maybe our third (did i just say third?) will be a girl- if we go for a third, lord help us.
I thought maybe from the title you had found out the sex, but I made myself read allllll the way through the spider part and not scroll down to the bottom to see. I’m not sure which is dorkier, that I was so excited to find out, or that I made myself read about spiders first, because the sex telling was going to be a reward. I’m so awesome.
That being said, I have no idea. But I’m certainly excited to find out!
Everyone I know tells me I’m having a boy this time as I had revolting morning sickness with both my girls and this pregnancy – after several months of cooking casseroles to stick in the deep freeze so I could spend the first trimester in bed with a bucket without my family starving to death – nothing. Not even the faintest twinge of nausea. (Instead I got to spend the first trimester worrying that a. maybe I wasn’t really pregnant at all or b. something was wrong with the baby and I was going to have a miscarriage any minute. I don’t think there is any way to win here).
I choose not to have routine ultrasounds, so don’t get the option of a sneak preview. I understand the temptation to find out if you do, though :-)
I have a strong feeling that it will be a girl.
PS. Reading “I may have forgotten the part where he manfully strode up, unleashed a mighty battle cry, then used his enormous penis to trigger the shutter” nearly led to me having to replace my laptop, as I had a mouthful of coffee at the time. You rock.
Boy!
Whatever you do, don’t try the peeing in the Crystal Draino test. I did that with my son, on the advice of one of my stupider friends. One, the fumes are enough to cause that second head and two, we couldn’t remember if it was blue/green for boy and brown for girl or the other way around. I have never passed out from fumes but I literally thought we were going to have to call in a biohazard crew.
“then used his enormous penis to trigger the shutter”….LOL….brilliant.
Have no good wive’s tales but does this pregnancy feel different from your first? Some people think that’s an indication but it’s probably a load of crap. Can’t wait to hear who’s in there! :)
Hey that trick of Trina’s works! I’m gonna save that one for any fuure baby showers..
Oh, that spider is awful. Reminds me of the spider that was stationed in the corner of my rented condo in Hawaii. I could barely take the picture, but I had to do it for the same reason that I felt it necessary to click the link for your spider pic.
twin girls
I have no wives’ tales at my disposal, but I just want to say that when you get a spider-shaped package with NZ stamps and my return address on it, and it’s kind of…wriggling? Don’t open it.
I won’t hazard a guess re boy or girl…hoping you have a girl, just because the clothes will be so much fun and a little girl who kinda looks like Riley but with long hair would be pretty adorable.
Just want to say how much I admire a woman who can be pregnant, care for a little boy in the throes of terrible-twoyeardom, endure months of renovations and smoking construction workers, and work at the same time (and probably find time to exercise). Put me in similar circumstances and I think I’d be in jail awaiting a homicide trial by now. You seem to always be in such great spirits. What’s your secret?
My vote is girl, just because, no valid reason at all. Now, I’m dying to know what you are thinking of Dexter Season 1. My husband and I loved it.
Boy.
I couldn’t bring myself to click the scary spider link, but I have to say that your description of JB’s version of events made me and my fiance laugh out loud. Also, “I’d like to trigger your shutter” makes for great dirty innuendo.
Oh, I forgot to add–apparently if the hair on your legs grows faster than normal while you’re pregnant, it’s an indicator that you’re having a boy. And there’s a very cool “test” of old wives’ tales that gives you a breakdown of what each of your responses indicates at http://www.childbirth.org/articles/boyorgirl.html.
I CAN’T LOOK! I CAN’T LOOK!
I just couldn’t do it. BUT I AM POSITIVE IT IS THE BIGGEST FUCKER ON THE PLANET. I almost wet my pants laughing. Even through the sheer terror.
Trina’s trick proved to be correct for both of mine. Both boys. I know the month of conception exactly because I was scheduled to have knee surgeries one and three the following month and they had to be postponed!
I am DYING to know the sex of the bebe!
WOW! I did Trina’s deal on all three of my kids and it WORKED! So it must be a girl! Now I am going to go do the math to be sure we have a boy next!
Thanks Trina!
And what day exactly next week? How fun!!!
I’m sure you’ve probably browsed thru all of these types of things already, but I liked this one when I was pregnant the first time…and I plugged in every single person with kids that I knew that could give me their info to check it. (It was right every time.)
http://www.thelaboroflove.com/chart/pred.html
Hmmm. I don’t know much about predicting the gender of unborn children. It’s a problem I often have with lesbians and hipsters when viewed from behind. But clearly JB’s super manly sperm busted out some male seed last time. And apparently he’s been exercising his beef steeple on cameras. I’m just going to assume he didn’t stop there and branched out into remote controls, starting lawn mowers, and maybe even replacing the batteries in smoke detectors. But by the sound of it (and my own disturbingly phallic obsessed imagination) he’s pumped you full of another tiny man. Congrats, he’ll probably be a lumberjack, or fight heavy weight in the UFC. (hopefully after his birth)
When I was pregnant the first time I consulted the Chinese Gender Calendar and it correctly forecasted that I’d be having a boy. This time it said girl and I’m having a……….boy. My cousin also tried doing the crystal on a string test and it said girl. Wrong.
But when I placed an ENORMOUS spider on my forehead and it walked up into my hair rather than down onto my nose? That means boy so that must be the only way to tell. Yep. Just put one of those spiders on your forehead. That’ll do it.
Based on the son I just had in January…
Trina’s thing worked for me, but Jess’s old wives tales thing was wrong, and Danell’s Chinese Gender calendar thing was wrong too.
I am completely simpatico on the paint fumes thing. It may be too late for this for you guys, but when I painted Sofia’s nursery I used low-fume paint. I am soooo glad I did. I could actually stay in the enclosed room for an entire day without passing out. By the time the paint dried, you couldn’t smell a thing. It was really great. Ours came from Best Paints in Ballard, but I know there are others. Google “environmental home center” – they have some other brands.
Hmmm. I have to tell you something that you may not like to hear, but short of the ones you have to do WHILE pregnant, I tried every one of these indicators (months and dates and whatnot), and they all said girl. But I had a boy. So, they don’t seem to be totally accurate, but therein lies the surprise, until you get to stare at that grainy screen.
The string test was wrong for both of my kids. The Chinese calendar was right for my daughter, wrong for my son. At my son’s ultrasound the tech exclaimed “It’s a girl!” and started to type those words on our picture……then the baby did a “spread eagle” and NOPE! He was a boy!
I hope you have a girl. I love having one of each gender.
oh holy mother. I just spent a nasty ten minutes kind of glued to my screen as I flicked through youtube link after link of giant spiders, what the hell was I thinking? shudder. Off to bed now, in a chemical warfare suit. eugh. why couldn’t I just click away? WHY?
Love the Monkey Bees from your D&D link.
I know nothing about children or spiders except that I somtimes like one and hardly ever like the other.
What’s with the D&D treasure chest with arms?
I was shuddering while I read about your spider encounter! We don’t get spiders that big, I would crap my pants if something like that was in my house, that close to me! GROSS!
When we were in St. Thomas right before I got pregnant with Eric, one of the locals told my husband if he climbed to the top of a palm tree and got a coconut, filled it with Gin and drank it we would have a boy. Obviously he didn’t do it but we had a boy anyways HA!
I heard that if you crave healthy food, then you’re going to have a girl. I’m a bit skeptical, however, as I craved grapefruit constantly when I was pregnant and had a boy.
Geeze. Here I was getting all excited because the barn spiders are back on our porch. (Scary spider photos here: http://www.spiderroom.info/va_barnspider.html Their bodies are about the size of large grapes.) That’s one of the first signs of autumn around here, and I love to see ’em.
I’ve heard that if you carry low, or if you don’t really look pregnant from behind (i.e., not being able to see the belly; I make no claims about the spreading rear that certainly accompanied *my* pregnancy) then it’s a boy.
Hey, Linda — scrolled through your pics and have to say (again, for the seventymillionth time) what an amazing photographer you are! I love the “sky on drugs”, “family with snout time”, and all the pics of JB and Riley. AND, btw, you look GREAT. You still have maintained your “girlish figure” — clear by the fact that your arms still look very well toned. Losing that weight before you got pregnant was genius — you’ll be fine and back to your skinny self before you know it. Oh, and, personally, I think EVERY home should have a fridge in their front hallway. It adds a certain je ne sais quoi to the whole entryway experience. Hang in there!
THis is totally off the subject since I got caught up in scrolling through your flickr photos. BUT… I freaking LOVE your new cabinets. Also, the fact that you PHOTOGRAPH your son crying, rather than running immediately to comfort him?? I find that so unbelievably cool. I thought I was the only mom around with the ‘suck it up’ mentality. :-0
Personally, I don’t think there are any correct sex predictor tests. I think there is a 55% chance you’ll have a boy and 45% chance you’ll have a girl, although I think there are less boys being born than there used to be. I hate it when people ‘predict’ what I’m having, because I’m always like ‘maybe!’ I mean, it’s either a boy or a girl right? We don’t find out before the birth and the only day that I really wish we found out via the ultrasound is the day we get it done and then I’m over it, so I understand your can’t waitness.
Girl. Just because everyone we know who had a boy first is having a girl second and vice versa (mostly vice versa – we know a lot of people with girls…)
Can’t wait to hear!
Normally, my family claims that if you get pregnant again within two years, that you’re having two of the same sex. I don’t buy it, however, as BethFish is just outside of that range, and she’s having a boy.
So basically, I don’t know. You strike me as the perfect boy mom, however, so I automatically want to say you’re having a boy, but you would also be an outstanding girl mom, so who the hell knows? Now *I* can’t wait to find out!
We didn’t find out, but all wives tales/tests pointed to girl and we did indeed have a girl. Everyone kept telling me it was a boy, but if you asked me and I really thought about it, I always answered that I thought it was a girl. So think about it – take some deep breaths – maybe you already know!
Dying to find out who you are welcoming and may they sleep like it’s their job!
That spider scared the crap out of me. I hate spiders, but I could not prevent my finger from clicking the link, WHY!?!?!?!?
I SO wish you had taken a picture or video of the labia curtain. I would die laughing @ that + I do need a good chuckle.
Wives Tales can kiss my crack! All signs pointed to boy for me, but lo + behold the ultrasound pointed to girl! We really had our hearts set on a baby boy. I came home + cried as if the son I never met had died. Now I am tickled pink (get it?) to have a girl. It took me a while to get used to the idea.
With my 2nd baby, I am not using wives tales as any kind of prediction. Screw ’em! I just hope + pray we have healthy happy babies + smooth pregnancies.
SUNDRY! Don’t do it! As a mother of one boy and one girl, I suggest to let it be one of nature’s little surprises. (Based on my experience anyway, I know it’s hard to wait.) Our son was our first baby, and we found out his sex right away, but with our second child I had decided to let it be a surprise….. and it was, we had our little girl!! I am still tickled to this day (and she’s Riley’s age) on how magical the moment was when our little bundle turned out to be a girl. I am so happy that I waited it out, it was the most beautiful moment of revelation I’ve ever experienced in my life.
I know you can do it, and you will be pleasantly surprised and happy that you did and you will from time to time always reflect on the beauty of one of nature’s little surprises.
But then, maybe I’m a dork and don’t know what I’m talking about and maybe you should just go for it. I’m just sayin’– been there, done that, and I know that if you wait and let it be a surprise, you’ll be glad that you did.
I’m sure it would be a fantastic surprise, but I prefer to know now. Actually, I prefer to know right this MINUTE, but I’ll have to settle for next week. : )
Yolo!
Earth and baby brain friendly paint. In Portland no less! :)
http://www.yolocolorhouse.com/
I haven’t read all the comments, so I have no idea if this has been mentioned. It isn’t a wives’ tale. It is SCIENCE! :) I guess…
Anyway…the “boy sperm” swim faster but die sooner than the “girl sperm.” They are slower, but live longer (like…up to 5 days or something). So, if you had sex on the day you ovulated, your chances are better that it is a boy. If you had sex a few days before, or a few days after (but NOT on the day) you ovulated, then you have a better chance of it being a girl.
If you had sex all those days…then….well….I guess I feel sorry for you.