I gingerly stepped on the scale the other morning and learned that I’m down about twenty pounds since Dylan’s birth. I think I gained about 40 overall during this pregnancy — although it’s hard to be completely sure, every time I was weighed at my doctor’s office they recorded my weight in kilograms which allowed me to pretend I was dangerously underweight and therefore required a nightly infusion of Tillamook Chocolate Peanut Butter ice cream for the baby’s sake — so according to my mouthbreathing math skills, that leaves, uh, carry the 5 . . . divide the integrators by the number-eighters . . . twenty more pounds to go. In order to be at my pre-Dylan-pregnancy weight, that is — I take some vague solace in the fact that I am actually already at my pre-Riley-pregnancy weight and therefore it’s like I hardly gained anything at all! Or something.

I don’t feel overly obsessed with the number I see on the scale but I am definitely not feeling the love for my current body shape, particularly the way my clothes fit over it. I would say my pants are currently leaving me looking, well, muffin-toppy, except that would really be doing a grave disservice to delicious muffins everywhere, who never asked to be compared to the partially-deflated dirigible that is clinging to my waistline. My post-op midsection has Dunlop Disease, which as you know is where your belly dun lop over your C-section scar, and if that didn’t just make you hot and bothered I don’t know WHAT WILL.

Judging by oh-so-pleasant night sweating that’s still going on (seriously, is there anything about the postpartum period that ISN’T disgusting?) I’m probably continuing to slowly shed water weight, but I know from experience there’s only one way to regain the ability to pull on a pair of non-elastic pants without lying on the floor and crying afterwards, and sadly it’s not through sitting on my couch hooked to a tiramisu IV drip.

Thanks to my devil-food-may-care attitude during pregnancy (which I don’t regret one bit, by the way, as far as I’m concerned the only excuse that’s better than pregnancy for eating whatever the hell you want at all hours of the day is learning of your imminent death) I have a lot of bad eating habits to kick, which I’m trying to address with baby steps. I mean, you don’t just stop eating ice cream overnight, a person could suffer serious medical consequences trying to do such a thing. You have to step down in stages: first, you move to ice cream featuring one flavor, then the low fat variety, and finally, fat-free frozen yogurt with Splenda, until it all tastes so disappointing you may as well just sadly gnaw a carrot during American Idol.

I’m learning that there is a vast difference between dieting without a newborn and dieting with a newborn, and while neither are a festive nontop party in your mouth, the latter sucks out loud. When a person finally manages to get their fussy baby to take a nap, they should be allowed unrestricted access to a feedbag full of Thin Mints, you know? Not some damn salad. Plus, there’s the logistics factor — the truth is, it takes more work to prepare a healthy meal than a crappy one, and if you’re trying to eat with one hand while the other continually crams a binky back in someone’s whine-hole, well, am I going to make myself a nice turkey sandwich with a side salad, or rabidly devour 485721 Saltines dipped in peanut butter? GUESS WHICH.

Also, don’t even get me started on the near-impossibility of finding time to exercise with two children under three feet tall. Jesus. I did about 20 minutes of Turbo Jam last night at 8:30 PM while Riley was in bed and Dylan whizzed back and forth in his swingamajig, and all I could think was, what would I rather be doing at 8:30 PM? OH, I don’t know, ANYTHING AT ALL.

It’s going to be a bitch to get back in shape this time, is what I’m saying. But I’m making the commitment to do so, because I want to feel as good as I did here, and I don’t want to wait as long this time to make those changes.

Today: 153 pounds. Clothing size: a bursting-at-the-seams 10. Tomorrow: ?


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Eric's Mommy
Eric's Mommy
16 years ago

Well, I’m now committed too. I just ordered the Turbo Jam DVD.

16 years ago

I don’t think I’ve weighed 153 pounds since I was in high school or very early college. But basically I’m in the same boat as you. Before I found out I was pregnant last May, I had lost about 15 pounds (though I still had about 70 more to go before I would’ve looked as awesome as you did in that entry from last summer) and was on my way to getting healthier. The pregnancy somewhat railroaded that, though I managed to keep my weight gain to 17 pounds. When you’re “puffy” to begin with, it’s frowned upon by the medical establishment to gain anything beyond around 25 pounds.

Anyway, I had my daughter January 3rd and I find not only is it so much harder to find the time to make healthier food and get the exercise, it’s hard just to find the brain capacity to think about it as much as it takes to change bad habits. I’m thinking I’m going to try to get my 4 year old to jump around with me. It may be the only way I’m ever going to get any sort of workout in. Here’s to hoping.

Also, I bought World War Z after going through some of your archives (which have me snorting with laughter on a regular basis) and I’m reading it on my lunch breaks and during middle of the night feedings, and I have to say I’m freaked right the fuck out. And I’ve only gotten through the second chapter. It’s as disturbing as I Am Legend, and I think maybe my next home improvement project will be to put my house on stilts.

16 years ago


As usual, you inspire. I don’t think you have any idea how many people you touch daily…the “three months” post has staying power. I think of that one line often: “three months to change my life” and “I don’t hate my stomach anymore”…thank you for keeping it so real, always.

16 years ago

You are just the internet’s inspiration!… and I, too, think Turbo Jam owes you money. I tried it/bought it b/c of you and the furthest I got was watching it with my kids and us dancing to the music and being thoroughly frustrated that we couldn’t do anything she said. It was funny as heck, though.

That said, I have lost 49 lbs since last March and am well on my way to the last 30 (the irony being that you are currently my future goal weight.)

All that to say I borrow inspiration and laughs and tips from you regularly. Please keep us updated on this! You are cheaper than so many inspirations and I mean that in all the good ways. :)

16 years ago

I think you are totally within your rights to cut yourself some slack for now–you’ve got a LOT on your plate (pun not intended), and exercise is hard to justify when you don’t get much “me-time” to spread around!

But, if it helps, your “Three Months” post got ME exercising and eating right, and it’s been great. I bought TurboJam on your recommendation, LOVED it, and am now doing Power 90 and Hip Hob Abs as well. I was 159 when I started working out, am now 145 and still losing–and still liking it! It’s taken me longer than 3 months to get where I am now, mainly due to a 5-month hiatus dealing with back problems, but I’ve been consistent in my diet & exercise since January and am looking forward to my 60-day pictures next week. So thank you for inspiring me to do this!

16 years ago

I’m experiencing awe, amazement, and yes, a little envy that you are not only able to find time to update every day, but also are back in size 10 clothes already. I still have 9 weeks of pregnancy left (pass the feedbag) and I’m pretty sure I’ve gained between 40 and 50 pounds. Losing 20 pounds in a couple of weeks would suit me just fine, but I’m trying not to set my hopes on it.

Also, SERIOUSLY, where are you finding time to update?

16 years ago

I think it’s totally up to you to do whatever the hell you want. If you’re ready now, do it now. I, too, have referred back to your “Three Months” post several times – it was good writing and good inspiration for the idea that you just have to DECIDE and DO. I recently joined WW and am officially within my last 10 pounds. I’m close to the goal – yay! But then, like you, I plan to start trying to get pregnant again right away. BUT, I hope to be just like you in that I will be facing losing 20 pounds after the next baby, as opposed to the 65 that I’ve had to lose this time. Well, 55 I’ve lost and the 10 I’ve got to go!

So go for it – 20 pounds is nuthin’ – you already know that. And hey, if you need something new (tired of Chalene and TJ) you should order Hip Hop Abs from Beachbody – it rocks. You’ll love it. I’ve lost 20 since I got it, but interestingly, I just ordered Turbo Jam to motivate me through the last 10! Switch it up if you get bored – it helps. Best of luck to you, Linda. You’re doing great. p.s. and I am so with you on that night sweat thing – it’s gross.

SemiDesperate Housewife

Dang it woman, you’re already at my flippin’ GOAL WEIGHT. I mean, I don’t know how tall you are or your bone structure or whatever BUT STILL. Go you.
Also: Am starting with a PERSONAL TRAINER tonight. Well, sharing him with three other people b/c we’re cheap and he’s a friend and willing to let us be cheap. But I am shaking in my boots. I think I need to eat the rest of the ice cream for fortitude…

16 years ago

No babies, but definitely suffering from a metabolism change. Weight loss is the most frustrating endeavor of all. I’ve been gymming it like crazy for the past month and am EXHAUSTED. Makes you want to dive head first to the fuck it bucket. (I love that!!) Good luck!

16 years ago

My daughter, Kara, will be 11 weeks old on Monday, and I still have about eight pounds to go to my pre-pregnancy weight, which, hooray, except my pre-pregnancy weight includes another ten pounds I should never have had in the first place. Your “Three Months” post is inspiring to me; thanks for that.

16 years ago

My youngest turns five in June, and I still haven’t lost any of my pre-baby-weight.

Also, I’m a male, and all of my kids were adopted, so that severely limits any of my excuses.

Best of luck to ya…

16 years ago

turbo jam is great.

have you tried the Crunch DVDs with Ellen Barrett? she’s not bad. i mean, all workout DVDs are a little corny but she seems somewhat self-aware about it. i like the Super Slimdown yoga/pilates blend and the Fat Burning Pilates one. it’s not sweat-through-your-t-shirt like turbo jam, but it does nice toning things.

16 years ago

Gah – I hear you on the weight loss thing. My 9 month old is sick again and while she slept for a pitiful 1/2 hour, I inhaled saltines with peanut butter AND jelly on them instead of my nice healthy salad.

But you know, when you have to fit doing laundry, lunch and picking up/sweeping the living room in 1/2 hour nap time, saltines for lunch wins out every time.

16 years ago

I feel you on the weight loss. I am planning on starting up the tried and true inmate diet where you eat three to four ounces of half assed government provided food a day while working out no stop to pass the boredom. And yet I still wouldn’t take the two babies. (toddlers still count as babies right?)


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