I gingerly stepped on the scale the other morning and learned that I’m down about twenty pounds since Dylan’s birth. I think I gained about 40 overall during this pregnancy — although it’s hard to be completely sure, every time I was weighed at my doctor’s office they recorded my weight in kilograms which allowed me to pretend I was dangerously underweight and therefore required a nightly infusion of Tillamook Chocolate Peanut Butter ice cream for the baby’s sake — so according to my mouthbreathing math skills, that leaves, uh, carry the 5 . . . divide the integrators by the number-eighters . . . twenty more pounds to go. In order to be at my pre-Dylan-pregnancy weight, that is — I take some vague solace in the fact that I am actually already at my pre-Riley-pregnancy weight and therefore it’s like I hardly gained anything at all! Or something.

I don’t feel overly obsessed with the number I see on the scale but I am definitely not feeling the love for my current body shape, particularly the way my clothes fit over it. I would say my pants are currently leaving me looking, well, muffin-toppy, except that would really be doing a grave disservice to delicious muffins everywhere, who never asked to be compared to the partially-deflated dirigible that is clinging to my waistline. My post-op midsection has Dunlop Disease, which as you know is where your belly dun lop over your C-section scar, and if that didn’t just make you hot and bothered I don’t know WHAT WILL.

Judging by oh-so-pleasant night sweating that’s still going on (seriously, is there anything about the postpartum period that ISN’T disgusting?) I’m probably continuing to slowly shed water weight, but I know from experience there’s only one way to regain the ability to pull on a pair of non-elastic pants without lying on the floor and crying afterwards, and sadly it’s not through sitting on my couch hooked to a tiramisu IV drip.

Thanks to my devil-food-may-care attitude during pregnancy (which I don’t regret one bit, by the way, as far as I’m concerned the only excuse that’s better than pregnancy for eating whatever the hell you want at all hours of the day is learning of your imminent death) I have a lot of bad eating habits to kick, which I’m trying to address with baby steps. I mean, you don’t just stop eating ice cream overnight, a person could suffer serious medical consequences trying to do such a thing. You have to step down in stages: first, you move to ice cream featuring one flavor, then the low fat variety, and finally, fat-free frozen yogurt with Splenda, until it all tastes so disappointing you may as well just sadly gnaw a carrot during American Idol.

I’m learning that there is a vast difference between dieting without a newborn and dieting with a newborn, and while neither are a festive nontop party in your mouth, the latter sucks out loud. When a person finally manages to get their fussy baby to take a nap, they should be allowed unrestricted access to a feedbag full of Thin Mints, you know? Not some damn salad. Plus, there’s the logistics factor — the truth is, it takes more work to prepare a healthy meal than a crappy one, and if you’re trying to eat with one hand while the other continually crams a binky back in someone’s whine-hole, well, am I going to make myself a nice turkey sandwich with a side salad, or rabidly devour 485721 Saltines dipped in peanut butter? GUESS WHICH.

Also, don’t even get me started on the near-impossibility of finding time to exercise with two children under three feet tall. Jesus. I did about 20 minutes of Turbo Jam last night at 8:30 PM while Riley was in bed and Dylan whizzed back and forth in his swingamajig, and all I could think was, what would I rather be doing at 8:30 PM? OH, I don’t know, ANYTHING AT ALL.

It’s going to be a bitch to get back in shape this time, is what I’m saying. But I’m making the commitment to do so, because I want to feel as good as I did here, and I don’t want to wait as long this time to make those changes.

Today: 153 pounds. Clothing size: a bursting-at-the-seams 10. Tomorrow: ?

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Caroline
Caroline
14 years ago

Sadly, We’re nearly the same weight and I don’t have any kids to show for it. You looked fantastic through pregnancy and still do… I’m inspired to kick my own ass back into shape cause if you can do it with two little ones, by god I can pull myself off the couch now and again too.

Emily
14 years ago

I wish you mad luck, yo. And I recommend that if you’re not going to finish that tiramisu, you pass it right this way.

samantha Jo Campen
14 years ago

I’m in awe that you can exercise so soon after having a C-section. So really, you’re WAY ahead of the game in my book, if that matters to you at all.

Why is it that healthy food is a pain to prepare? Why can’t it be as easy as opening a can of Spaghettios and not even mircowaving them? That’s what *I* want to know.

Mmmm, Spaghettios. . . . .

JennB
JennB
14 years ago

I would give my left tit to weigh 153 and be a size 10… that said, I fully plan on getting back into exercising once this other kid gets here. In the meantime, I’m being weighed backwards – I don’t want to know – and am on the Rocky Road diet, made even more satisfying because my daughter doesn’t like the marshmellows so that means it’s MINE all MINE!

Tanya
Tanya
14 years ago

Good luck! Losing weight is not easy. I have been overweight most of my life. I have committed myself to losing the weight this year too…but my beginning weight is much more staggering. I have lost 20 pounds in the four weeks since I decided to do this. Only 206 pounds left to lose. lol That’s scary. Anyway, I’m wishing the best for the both of us. You are very beautiful no matter what your weight!

Lori
Lori
14 years ago

I’m with you all the way. Though I must say, Adderall is my Turbo-Jam and I have no children. Well, I have no children that I birthed. I have 160 at school (am teacher). Fret not, as I have 120 pounds to lose instead of 20. But seriously, I have no children because That Is How It Should Be. I could not handle children after a full day of listening to teenagers chattering/bickering nonstop, and the Higher Power knows that.

You can get rid of 20 pounds, though I know how it doth sucketh. And every time I look at pictures of your children, my ovaries ache. Sigh.

One more thing: I have a nephew 6 months older than Riley and I can’t handle being around that whirling dervish for more than half an hour at a time, so I can’t imagine exercising after a day after taking care of him and WITH A NEWBORN, DEAR GOD, so the thing about the thin mints is the truest thing ever, and you are my hero.

Okay, done sucking up. But seriously, best of luck and you are fucking beautiful anyway so I don’t know what you’re fretting about.

Stephanie
14 years ago

I prefer to call it a busted can of biscuits instead of the hateful mean muffin top. Really it makes me feel better about the muffins.

Jess
14 years ago

Good luck! You were so, so good at this last time that you totally blew me away and I started Weight Watchers and lost 60 pounds. Thanks to you. Actually I sent you an email once thanking you but never heard back so I don’t know, maybe you didn’t get it? Or you just have so much fan mail that mine got lost in the crowd? Whatever, my point is that you were committed last time and it WORKED and given the title of this post, I have no doubt that it will work again this time.

Swistle
14 years ago

Too early for dieting. Morale too low. Wait a little longer.

Jean
Jean
14 years ago

I think you are being way too hard on yourself. Slow, baby steps. Get lots of healthy snacks in the house. Fuck that Turbo Jam. You need more time.

Amy
Amy
14 years ago

Good luck and good for you!

I really think there’s some truth to the “9 months up, 9 months down” adage. Even if you manage to lose every last ounce, don’t be too hard on yourself if your *shape* doesn’t return for some months yet. (It seems like it will make you feel better to know you’re doing all you can, anyway.)

Quiana
14 years ago

I know this is going to sound snooty, but, have you considered having a mother’s helper in a few times a week for just an hour or two? You could exercise… or paint your toenails.

I don’t think it would cost too much; as a college student I used to do that work for ten bucks an hour. That was a while ago, but it can’t be too much more expensive now.

Maybe look for an undergrad elementary ed major at the U?

Jessica
14 years ago

When you figure out how to lose it, let me in on the secret. It’s been 17 months since I had my munchkin, and I’m back down to my preprego weight, but would love to lose more. I’m fluctuating between 147 and 153 right now, and am FRUSTRATED. I used to go by the whole motto “9 months to put on, 9 to take off” but somehow 9 months went whizzing past, and I still have the weight!

Sabine
14 years ago

Try sparkpeople. It’s working really well for me. there are entire forums on their dedicated to women who are losing pregnancy weight, and they have some interesting ideas for getting exercise with babes in tow, etc. I’ll email you an invite and you can take it or leave it. BUT, for the record, you look fabulous NOW.

kalisah
14 years ago

well you’ve certainly got the incentive – having hot photos like that of yourself, just lying around, taunting you.

eve
eve
14 years ago

I remember the delightful post-partum night sweats! My son is 3.5 years old, and I still haven’t figured out how to fit exercise into my daily routine. You are to be commended for trying to do your turbo jam, but I think you should spend your precious free time doing something more rewarding, like sleeping. :)

Eric's Mommy
Eric's Mommy
14 years ago

You are motivating me to lose weight too! I had my baby 5 years ago and I still would like to lose 15 more lbs.
I’m thinking about doing the Turbo Jam thing too, the DVD I have right now is pretty lame.

BethanyWD
14 years ago

I say, you did it once, you can do it again. Those pictures are your motivation.

I started jogging for the first time in my adult life (I played ALOT of sports in my youth) a few weeks agao and it’s the only thing that has kicked my weight loss plateau out the window. I’ve got just 7 more pounds! Let us know your progress.

workout mommy
14 years ago

I hear ya! I’ve been there, and truthfully still am there! Every little bit counts though. Do lunges, squats, push ups, jump rope, run stairs, hop around—whatever it takes to get the heart rate up. (yes, I said jump rope!) :)

Naomi the Strange
14 years ago

HAH! Well at least you’re not my weight! But you probably aren’t my height either. I’m 6 feet and about 190 at the moment, and furiously working on that weight at the gym daily and eating less. I miss my lithe 155-pound body!! Don’t eat that fake sugar shit (splenda and stuff) I read an article in American Science recently that said that eating and drinking stuff with the fake sugar actually makes people GAIN weight. So stay away from that stuff if you’re trying to lose weight. If you want I can scan in the article and email it to you. Good luck losing weight. Don’t be too hard on yourself, you just had the baby! Besides once the baby gets older and you’re running after two toddlers I’m sure you’ll drop weight in NO TIME.

kate
14 years ago

I have gone back to your “Three Months” post often – when I need a reminder that all it really takes is some hard work and determination. That post is so inspiring to me. You will get there again, just be patient with yourself.

As someone else said, I’m also in awe that you are aleady able to start exercising. That has to say something good about the shape your body is in. Good luck!

renmen
renmen
14 years ago

Oh good! I am hoping you can inspire me to lose my last 10 baby pounds! Ok, ok. 15 baby pounds. Hmph.

The whole stupid thing about the breastfeeding is that it allows you to *continue* the pregnancy eating habits because you’re all “well, I *need* those extra calories, right?” when in reality? No you do *not*, sister. (but the baby! the baby needs a donut!). I ask you, why aren’t the pounds melting off? They said the pounds would just MELT OFF!
*sigh*

telegirl
telegirl
14 years ago

It’s been almost 13 months since my little guy arrived. I only have 10 pounds to lose from that, but I was overweight before so my goal is to lose at least 30-40 pounds. I started running again and going to the gym, but it does suck. I created a website for a girlfriend and I to track our progress/falldowns and your “3 months” entry is up there for inspiration. Don’t be too hard on yourself, you just had Dylan and isn’t it really “9 months up, 9 years down”?! :o)

bigcitymama
14 years ago

I’m with Swistle. you just HAD that baby, give yourself a break. But if you feel you must slowly wean yourself from the ice cream, let me suggest Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches – I’m all about the vanilla, but I think they come in a bunch of flavors, and are 140 calories worth of delicious. And this is coming from a girl who thinks frozen yogurt is for sissies.

Marie Green
14 years ago

Wow, I can’t believe that you can exercise so soon after your surgery! Go Linda! (But also, take some time, if you need it. You are still WELL WITHIN the watching tv and eating buckets of ice cream post-pardom period.)

I’ve been running again. And liking it, inspite of myself. Now, if I could just stop with the chocolate. Thank goodness for skinny cow! =)

d
d
14 years ago

you are one self-motivated woman. i’m a guy with no kids, and even i have trouble getting any sort of physical activity in after 6pm…and 8:30 workout just won’t happen, and i have no excuse!

good luck though. i agree with the idea of maybe bringing in some short-spurt help to knock out quick workouts? could make it all just a bit easier!

Joanne
14 years ago

I am so with you on the “I just sat down for the first time today and I will be damned if I eat a carrot”. But I did, actually, just eat carrots. But that was after eating like 1000 girl scout cookies. Damn you, GSA! I have been exercising but what I do is a walking workout – like floor aerobics, almost, and I hold the baby while I do it. We have great workouts on our Exercise on Demand channel on our cable. But I know I have got to stop eating such crap, it’s wretched. Good luck – you *just* had that baby, I’m sure it will all get whipped into shape here soon.

Jennifer
14 years ago

This post could not have come at a better time! I have been down in the mouth recently about a little post-wedding weight gain and have been disappointed to find myself busting out of my previously too-big clothes.

Your “Three Months” post was/is such an inspiration and a great reminder that it’s all about the baby steps!

You can do this and so can we!

Christina
14 years ago

You can totally do it! After kicking that scales ass last year in 3 months flat, please.
My baby is 5 months and Im still having a hard time kicking the habits. Im still eating green olives and croutons for snacks. CROUTONS! WTF?

Penny
14 years ago

The post baby diet…yucko.

A food I loved that didn’t feel too much like dieting: Sonoma Chicken salad. Prepared at Whole Foods for an exorbanant sum, or you can make it yourself in huge huge batches with Light Mayo.

Very yummy.

Pete
Pete
14 years ago

Good luck. After 10 years I am still weight the same as when my son was born.

victoria
victoria
14 years ago

153 lbs & a size ten with a newborn? Dang girl, you’re tight, I don’t care what you say about the C-section scar.

mixette
mixette
14 years ago

You’ll get it back! You did it before and it can be done again.

You mentioned Fage yogurt in your grocery delivery post, so I’ll offer up what got me over eating ice cream: Throw a couple of soup-spoon-fulls of Fage in the blender with the frozen fruit of your choice and a couple packets of splenda and whirl. You could use cocoa powder for a chocolate version.

Soooooo yummy and almost completely good for you and low calorie

noble pig
14 years ago

Good luck, as soon as the weather improves you’ll be more motivated.

JennyM
JennyM
14 years ago

Mmmmm… Spaghettios….

Well, alls I can say is, if you’re committed to it with a toddler AND a newborn, I guess my lazy ass can be committed with neither toddler NOR newborn.

“I mean, you don’t just stop eating ice cream overnight, a person could suffer serious medical consequences trying to do such a thing. You have to step down in stages: first, you move to ice cream featuring one flavor, then the low fat variety, and finally, fat-free frozen yogurt with Splenda, until it all tastes so disappointing you may as well just sadly gnaw a carrot during American Idol.” IS BRILLIANT.

sooboo
14 years ago

Be nice to yourself, you’ll be back to it by summer. It’s just a matter of making exercise a habit again. I hear you on the whole it takes more energy to prepare a healthy meal tip. I like to think that the reason salads are slimming is because you burn up calories chopping all that shit up!

Chelle
14 years ago

I second everyone who said that you already look awesome.

By the way, since you aren’t going to be using that tiramisu IV drip anymore….

Tracy
14 years ago

Great job on what you have lost already. I found it EXTREMELY hard to find time to workout with two kids. It took me 15 months to get it off. I also didn’t work out much. I couldn’t find the time or energy for that matter. And the comments about ice cream… That is so how I stopped my addiction to it. It just wasn’t worth it for to eat the frozen imitation ice cream!

Kristen
Kristen
14 years ago

Linda I love it when you link to that entry, it is so damn inspiring! I’ll have you know that because of your recommendations here and at SundryBuzz, I bought Punch, Kick and Jam last week and I loved it so much I just ordered another Turbo Jam DVD yesterday. I hope to be in good shape by summer, so thank you for your inspiration!

Dawn
14 years ago

Wow. I am impressed by your whole “I am getting back into this whole healthy thing come hell or high water or POOPY DIAPERS!” You’re definitely on the right track with the baby steps – good luck!

JAB
JAB
14 years ago

You go girl! You did such an amazing job getting in shape last time (you motivated me to lose some pounds, by the way…thank you very much!) Don’t expect it to happen overnight, but you’ll get back to your mean, lean shape.

Good luck!

trena
14 years ago

So…does this mean that hefting around my 20+ pound toddler doesn’t count as a ‘meaningful’ workout? Heh.

I gained like 18 pounds total pregnancy weight (not on purpose!!!) and am currently 5 pounds under what I was when I got pregnant and I would still like to/could stand to lose 10-15 pounds. By the time Owen goes to bed I have no inclination to work out and we pretty much just give the YMCA money once a month to stay away.
To think that there was a point pre-boy where I could run 3 miles 6 days a week on purpose. And I looked forward to running (on purpose) too!

the goddess anna
the goddess anna
14 years ago

I gained more weight after my twins were born than I did being pregnant with them and my daughter combined! I have about 100lbs to lose to get back down to what those stupid charts in the doctor’s office say I should weigh… I’ve lost about 4 with a concentrated effort over the last two months. Oh well. I can lose my keys, lose my wallet, lose track of my kids in my own house, but chort forbid I manage to lose a pound. So I’m with you in spirit, Linda.

BTW, Dylan’s getting cuter by the day!

ShannonJ
ShannonJ
14 years ago

Hilarious post – I remember loving your posts during the weight loss last year, because I was doing the same and it was so inspiring. I know it’s hard not to go gangbusters with it, but take it easy and focus on being healthy – the weight loss will come, just like it did last time. You look great.

Oh, one of my favorite “diet” snacks – kiddie cereals (Fruity Cheerios is a good one). They’re definitely no substitute for a bowl of ice cream, but you can eat a pretty big portion of them for not that many calories. Plus, they’re fortified with vitamins and minerals! :)

kristylynne
kristylynne
14 years ago

Maybe I should join you in getting my ass in gear. I hear good things about Turbo Jam. But yeah, I can think of better things to do at 8:30 p.m. after a long day of toddler-chasing. Like sit on my ass.

We had that same swingamajig, but we called it The Neglect-O-Matic. Best money we ever spent on a baby item. Kid loved it.

Sunny
Sunny
14 years ago

I ditto Caroline. Your post is a good kick in the ass for me, and I don’t have kids. I did have ankle surgery the same day you had Dylan and have found the best cure for 8 pins and a plate in my ankle is Rocky Road. Just restocked with sugar free ice cream though and it blows.

Chris
14 years ago

my dear, darling girl. even a stuffed size 10 this soon postpartum is nothing AT ALL to be ashamed of. you’ve got two gorgeous boys and you are gorgeous. cut yourself a little slack and have an IV every once in a while of tiramisu.

Lesley
Lesley
14 years ago

Lean Cuisine meals aren’t so bad (particularly the shrimp with whole wheat noodles and wild salmon with basil and penne). The meals are pitifully small – as far as I’m concerned – so what I do is add 1 cup of low fat tomato sauce and some frozen veggies. Add a couple of tablespoons of fat free sour cream on the side and voila, one has a reasonably-sized meal that fills the stomach. Lean Cuisine also makes a low calorie, lower fat version of chicken primavera (comes in a bag), that makes a pretty good meal if topped up with fat free cottage cheese.

thejunebug
14 years ago

Way to go for posting the number! I know it’s terribly scary, but nothing’s better once it’s out and floating around. I weigh 265, and I *should* weigh around 110-120. Hah. I just bought Turbo Jam, which I’m actually excited about trying, and rejoined my gym. Exercising is my problem… when I was exercising regularly, I lost 50 lbs in 6 months. As soon as I stopped, it slowly creeped back over a period of about 4 yrs. Sigh. But I’m back in the game now. :)

Cara
Cara
14 years ago

Seriously you can’t be worried about your weight yet. He isn’t even a month old!!! There is no rule saying that you have to be a certain weight by a certain time. Take it the hell easy!!! Take it from someone who had 2 babies that are just about the same age difference as yours. Take it easy now while you are learning their patterns, mostly Dylan’s. Seriously it isn’t like JB is gonna be on your ass about it, you just gave him another beautiful son. He doesn’t strike me as a total dick so I’m sure he isn’t nagging you about your weight or lack thereof. And exercising so soon after surgery? NOT a good idea. You may think you feel fine but your body could rebel.
Just sit back and enjoy yourself for a minute. You did it before, you will do it again.