I saw this article today in The Morning News, and it reminded me of a post I wrote in 2006 detailing my experience attending an embalming (my brother-in-law is a funeral director). It’s one of my all-time favorite entries, and if you’d like to read it, it’s archived here. Be forewarned, it’s graphic, and may be unpleasant for some of you.

If you’d rather NOT read about such things, may I disturb you with something else? BEHOLD:

omgwtf.jpg
I think there’s such a thing as a fashion don’t, and then there’s THIS.

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Pete
Pete
13 years ago

Are those pockets on the pants?

oregoncoastgirl
oregoncoastgirl
13 years ago

the SOCKS! with the SANDALS! AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Pete
Pete
13 years ago

Oh, that’s the weird part. My bad.

Sara
Sara
13 years ago

There is something WRONG with your husband. Socks with Keens are akin to swearing in church. It just *isn’t* done.

Trina
Trina
13 years ago

All I can think of is that Pemco or whatever insurance commercial that says, “socks and sandals guy, were a lot like you, a little different.”

Heather-in-Australia
Heather-in-Australia
13 years ago

“omgwtf” is HILARIOUS :)

Navi
13 years ago

I just….what? I mean, he couldn’t at least go for the black socks?

chelsea
chelsea
13 years ago

1. Socks with keens…so bad.

2. Coolest fracking post I’ve seen in a long time. (mortuary…not fashion do-nots) Perhaps not so great to read right before bed?

Kristi
13 years ago

Did you sneak into my house and take a picture of my husband????

I love your mortuary entry as much now as when you originally wrote it! It’s so worth the reread.

Jem
Jem
13 years ago

I remember that post you wrote…I really liked that one too.

anna
anna
13 years ago

O M G…..
I have never seen anything like those, ah, shoes…(if you can call them that).

Jeepers.

Anyhoo, can i just say that I remember reading that post you wrote on your embalming experience and it was soooooo cool. I totally got immersed in what you wrote! TOtally interesting.

Cara
Cara
13 years ago

I finally broke down last year and told my husband that sandals and jeans didn’t go. It’s like wearing snow boots with shorts. The seasons don’t match. And ya know what? He had NO IDEA. He had managed to go 38 years without anyone ever informing him of this. I figure I did him a great fashion service.

I have never seen him wear socks with sandals though, so JB takes the cake on that one!

sooboo
13 years ago

Ya gotta hide those sandals until May. Maybe, in cat’s nest/lair? The 80’s jeans have to go too. It’s not retro if you wore em’ the first time around.

Donna
Donna
13 years ago

I just bought a pair of Keens boots, and can’t wait till it’s cold enough to wear them everyday!
Tell JB I totally understand that his sandals are comfy, but his feet are cold, so therefore, sandals and socks. Leave the man alone, he can jump like a freakin gazelle!

bessie.viola
13 years ago

SO funny… ah, man fashion!

Niki P
Niki P
13 years ago

Remember how happy we all were when he got those sandals and stopped wearing the work boots with shorts???

Oh My. It’s good that he is secure enough in his manhood to wear that get up. Heh.

Eric's Mommy
Eric's Mommy
13 years ago

I love that old post. I have always been facinated by that kind of stuff, you are an awesome writer.

Also the socks with the sandals is just WRONG! Why do men do that? My husband does the same thing.

SraV
SraV
13 years ago

Is it me, or do those shoes look a bit skull-like from JB’s point of view?

C.L
C.L
13 years ago

I have been slowly reading your archives and read the mentioned post a couple of weeks ago, I have to agree that it is one of the best. I hope that when it is my time to be prepared for burial that I am prepared by someone as considerate has your brother-in-law. It seems like he takes pride in his job and giving the very best to his “clients”.

AnnieR
AnnieR
13 years ago

Keen makes the best shoes ever. And when your dog eats those elastic bungee shoelaces, all you have to do is send Keen an email and they’ll send you a free set of new ones.

kim
kim
13 years ago

rid him of the socks, and the entirely too large patches (pockets?) on his jeans….

HOW did he ever get a girl like YOU?? :)

ashley
13 years ago

I’m morbidly fascinated by all that stuff, so of course I read both. I’m not sure I could have watched.

Jennifer (prayedforone)

Oh my. That jeans/socks/sandals combo is wrong on so many levels.

tash
13 years ago

oh dear me! No!

Sue
Sue
13 years ago

your funeral director story was fasinating. Thank you.
And the picture is just disturbing

Jeanette
13 years ago

Ok I’ll confess that last night my husband and I went to dinner and I wore crocks with socks! I couldn’t help it! I was just too comfortable to change!! At least the crocks were blue and the socks were blue so that makes it not TOO bad, right?….right?? Oh never mind!!

Trish
Trish
13 years ago

This is a great blog…been lurking for a few days and it’s a guaranteed laugh for me.
But……., how did you get a picture of my Dad?

H
H
13 years ago

That photo is hilarious! Why do men think we’re out to get them when we give them fashion advice? My husband probably wouldn’t wear JB’s combo, but he comes up with some terrible combinations and when I tell him not to wear those things together, he accuses me of lying to him! WHY?!

(JB needs a teenage daughter to set him straight. My husband seems to listen to our daughter most of the time.)

biscuit
biscuit
13 years ago

Am I the only one who thought it was Riley in the socks with sandals picture? The feet look so small. . .

My mom + brother enjoy wearing *brace yourself* socks with CROCS!!! OMFG Crocs alone are bad enough as it is, but with socks?! That shit disgusts me more than both embalming stories put together.

Have you ever read the book ‘Stiff’?

Also, I must know if you plan on getting buried or cremated after knowing 1st hand what goes on. I’m totally going outta this place in ashes, no question.

Teralyne
13 years ago

My husband also wears socks with sandals with jeans and or with shorts it don’t matter and I asked him why the socks. He said he thinks his toes are not attrative. I said so why wear the sandals at all. Cause he feet need air too. Like I am a big dummy you know. Men go figure.

SJ
SJ
13 years ago

I loved that post you did about spending time with your brother in law at work the first time around, and I loved it this time around too. You are such a gifted writer.

And the photo? What’s that saying….if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all? Um, yes. I think I’ll go with that.

Kristen
Kristen
13 years ago

Please buy him some shoes! Or burn all of his socks! Anything, just as long as that doesn’t happen again.

dorrie
dorrie
13 years ago

NOOOOOOOO

Barbara
Barbara
13 years ago

Okay, someone has to defend socks with sandals. For some of us it’s often too warm for shoes but too chilly for sandals, especially in the air conditioning. That rubber thing on Keens protects your toes, but can also make them sweaty; and sandals in general tend to get smelly in direct contact with feet. Solution, socks! Try it, come over to the dork side, so comfy…

Sally
Sally
13 years ago

PLEASE tell me that that is not really, actually JB – he is so cool in so many other ways that it makes this even sadder!

For me, the odd patch-like “things” (I cannot me more specific since I cannot bear to look again) on the jeans are almost worse than the footwear combo!

Sam
Sam
13 years ago

1. The embalming story was awesome and I have a feeling I’m going to be thinking of it for a few days now. Please Linda, write a book!!!

2. And Please Linda, buy your husband some new shoes.

:)

kelly
kelly
13 years ago

That post is one of my favorites of yours too. Great article. And that shoe/sock combination is just atrocious. heh.

Lynnette
Lynnette
13 years ago

I can’t be the only one who thinks this is Riley. Seriously, the toddler jeans? The tiny feet????

Amy
Amy
13 years ago

I wish my husband would graduate to socks-with-sandals. Instead, he wears his dark brown suede Merrell Era mocs with shorty white socks, bare white legs and long shorts…and doesn’t get why I want to ralph every time I see him like that.

Gads…fashionista he is not.

Maria
13 years ago

Wait a second…how did you get that picture of my husband??? : )

Joanne
13 years ago

I think it looks cute.

Joy
Joy
13 years ago

That was a really interesting story. I am not sure if I would want to have that experience or not. I used to babysit for a funeral director’s children when I was in high school. I remember one time he was running late and came home to pick me up. He had his work car (and old station wagon) and inside was a “client.” After realizing he came home with the wrong vehicle, he went back to work and came home with his regular family sedan. I always wondered about the person in the back of the wagon…

Melissa H
13 years ago

funny, that’s the post I remember reading and thinking “I should really read this blog more often” so I put ya on the bloglines. Hard to believe it’s been two years but, then again, I remember Riley’s babyhood so, I guess so!

Meg
Meg
13 years ago

I was guessing the jeans might have been the weird part until I clicked on comments. I don’t know, I don’t get what the big deal is about socks and sandals. I mean, it’s kind of weird, but doesn’t warrant the reactions people are doling out! Also, the person who said jeans and sandals don’t go together has clearly never visited California.

Katie
Katie
13 years ago

Reminds me of college in the mid 90’s and wearing wool socks with my Birks! What a fashion nightmare! I didn’t care much then, I was rolling out of bed, going to lecture for 4-5 hours, then just studying my ass off for plant physiology or organic chem. Yeah, comfort was key, looks didn’t mean a dang!

Love the stories!

Holly
13 years ago

I read the first 1/4 of the embalming story . . .then realized I should probably not finish while eating my lunch!

Jennifer
13 years ago

Oh, what the HELL? I thought he’d been broken of this crime of fashion!

bouncy czech
13 years ago

and i always thought sandals and socks are a european thing…

mixette
mixette
13 years ago

Ha! I have those same sandals (in green) and I wear them to the dog park – and only the dog park – with black peds socks.

I get it. It’s like having a fresh pair of shoes every day because you just change the socks. BUT I think you I only get away with it because the black peds makes them look like running shoes unless someone is looking carefully. Otherwise, socks + sandals = fugly.

If JB insists that this works for him, I would suggest a big bunch of black socks and pitch them in the rag pile as soon as they start to get faded from washing.

KT
KT
13 years ago

The funeral home slots were always the FIRST places to fill up on OUR career days, so I’ve always wondered how it all works. THAT was a great post. And now I feel so much smarter!