I shouldn’t let this kind of shit bother me, but when you read a comment like “I question how much she really loves and nurtures her children. Why did she choose to have another, and heaven forbid she does it again. What will her boys think of her and how she feels about them when they are old enough to read what she says about them?”, it really sort of drops a wet turd on your morning. Not because I believe this to be true in any way shape or form, but because I feel unhappy that people like that have access to the stories I share about my life and my children’s lives.

I read a great quote recently that had to do with sanctimonious parents who say they feel bad for other people’s kids — kids whose parents make different choices than the person doing the judging — it was something like, “I won’t feel sorry for your kids if you won’t feel sorry for mine.” I admire that, because it’s a taking-the-high-road sort of response, and I wish I could feel that way.

But you know, I don’t. I DO feel sorry for kids whose parents act like the people who take the time out of their loving, nurturing lives to write cruel comments about parents they don’t even know, because those children are being raised in an environment of intolerance. They’re going to learn that it’s perfectly okay to call names and to treat each other like crap, all because someone’s lifestyle isn’t the same as their own.

It’s the same old story, we’ve heard this junk a million times before, I know. I’ll just never understand why we can’t disagree with each other without resorting to below-the-belt behavior.

2977402342_95a0fba42a.jpg
(Portrait of a resentful, unloving family. If seen, please report to the nearest authority. Possibly a hairstylist, because WHOAH.)

Comments

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Claudia
15 years ago

Good grief. SOMEBODY has issues. I truly hope you don’t waste anymore time thinking about such a hater. I love reading your blog because I nod my head and say, ‘Yep, went through that shitty little period, too.’ Kids + sleeping = bad stuff. I never found anything that worked and ended up with my second daughter sleeping in my bed for over a year before I’d finally had enough and had to try something else. It’s really too bad that mothers don’t realize that what works for them (and thank goodness it coincides with her Parenting Platform), doesn’t always work for the rest of us. I actually threw one of those “classic” get your baby to sleep books across the floor because it drove me to madness.

Having two VERY different children had made me realize how different each child and each parent and each life are and its ridiculous to judge how other people do things.

I particularly love the woman who was disgusted by the idea of keeping the first child in daycare during the second maternity leave. Because, DUH. Kids do well when the routine isn’t fucked with. Babies need their mommies and mommies need their damn sleep and daycares charge you money when you up and decide to keep your big kids home during a maternity leave.

Fuck it. IGNORE THEM. You are a great mother and so am I and the rest of the haters can go to hell.

Sarah Lena
15 years ago

So you’re already getting tons of the feel good stuff mommybloggers are made of in this column, but I wanted to say HERE HERE as well.

My son was born with a foot deformity.. you had Dylan about a month after my Tony was born. My son is the sweetest, happiest, friendliest baby ever. And I fear his life being “different” because of bitchy ass whiny judgemental whores like that lady.

dorrie
dorrie
15 years ago

Holy trainwreck, batwoman! I thought something was going down when I peeped at your recent twitters. I agree with the statement that a mother who doesn’t agree with CIO never had to deal with a non sleeper…I for one cannot function without my sleep so we went that route too. Chin up.

Bumbling
15 years ago

She just wanted hits on her site. Think of it like that. The end.

Colleen
Colleen
15 years ago

Eh. Yuck is all I have to say. I’m sorry…that made my stomach turn a little.

tiffany
tiffany
15 years ago

eww. Those women make me sick. You are awesome. What is up with the woman who said soemthing to the effect of, “my baby still get’s up every two hours to nurse and I never complain, I don’t even drink cofee.” I just want to shove an award up her tight ass. I read your blog every day for a reason: you are real, you are honest, you are HILARIOUS!

Bumbling
15 years ago

Also, the zombies will probably go after her first.

Magpie
15 years ago

WTF, moms? Isn’t motherhood hard enough without getting all judgey about each other’s parenting techniques? Sorry this happened to you, Linda… and I hope that having asshats boycotting your blog because they think CIO is a step short of Mommie Dearest doesn’t put a damper on your honesty here.

Traci
15 years ago

Wow. All I can say is fuck the haters, L. I’ve been lurking since the Diaryland days, and it’s obvious that you love your boys so much and only want the best for them.

I have all sorts of nasty comments about smothering and such in my head, but I’ll quit now.

Harvest
Harvest
15 years ago

Her hyper-critical, judgmental behavior says a lot about her and nothing about you. But it’s still pretty disheartening and I’m sorry you have to put up with it.

Anyway, I read your blog because you’re a great writer and I love hearing parenting (and other) stories from someone I can actually relate to – because they are funny and irreverent and completely lacking in self-righteousness. You’re awesome – forget her.

Paige
15 years ago

I am baffled. I am not a mother yet and it seriously scares me that there are people like them in the world. Although I like to think that they are the minority and just stick together so they can feel like they are not alone in their judginess.

PJ
PJ
15 years ago

Shit, people are easily offended, aren’t they?

The most valuable lesson I ever learned from my late MIL was to let the baby CIO. He had been born at 4lb13oz, and was up nursing/fussing/spitting constantly, so yeah, I kinda coddled him a bit when bedtime came around. It was the ONLY sleep I got for three solid months, 20 minutes at a stretch, as his stomach was the size of my pinky. When he was 4 months old and we were at their house for Christmas, she made me do it, and there was maybe 30 minutes of crying in 24 hours. Believe you me, I did not do the same with my second. I would hardly call it ‘child abuse.’ WTF is wrong with some people?

How fucking judgmental can one get? Good riddance. Next let’s get on people who get their kids fast food ocasionally, OK? Because NOBODY does that, and we all know it’s bad for them.

jenny
15 years ago

i don’t know what planet that woman is on, but i do not believe it is earth. i love this blog because it’s real. oh – and you’ve got the cutest family! :)

Kristi
15 years ago

Wow, how inappropriate to be so snarky. I was going to leave a comment for her but others have already covered what I was going to say, and I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of negative attention.

Linda, I’ve read your blog for years and have always appreciated your honesty and humanness – you made things in my world feel ok more than a few times. While I didn’t do any kind of CIO w/my kids, I completely understand and respect your right to do so and don’t think you love them any less. Have a happy day!

Nichole
15 years ago

My stars, that was rude. Isn’t there an Emily Post Guide to Blogging? There ought to be.

-R-
-R-
15 years ago

I complain about being pregnant on my blog. It sucks to be pregnant sometimes, like when I spend all day throwing up. I guess I am a horrible mother because I should enjoy every second of pregnancy and write love notes to the fetus thanking him for the opportunity to barf so much.

I’m sorry you have people judging you. I enjoy reading your blog and can tell how much you love your sons and want to raise them the best you can.

I also love that picture, especially your comment about the hair stylist.

Kami
Kami
15 years ago

You know what, even if she thought it WHY did she have to type it? What you do and how you raise your boys is YOUR business. I’ve been reading you for a long time and I’m pretty darn sure the boys are doing very well. I’m so about to each their own, and whatever works for them, in other words it’s not my place to judge.
I so wouldn’t worry about it, but I do know it’s hurtful. Sorry this happened, the internet can be a mean place. GAH!

DanK
DanK
15 years ago

Does this person realize that you’re enrolled in kick boxing classes and are well versed in the art of zombie defense?

I’m keeping you on my side.

God forbid you vented a little.

Craze
15 years ago

It’s her loss. Talk about judgemental.

Poppy
15 years ago

Gillian/TypeAlice has become one of the most santimonious, judgmental people in the blog world. I used to enjoy reading her blog until she became a mother and got all pious and decide her way was the only way to mother correctly. To be honest…I feel sorry for her son who has to lay in bed with her night after night and can only sleep with her tit in his mouth. *shrug* I think half her problem is she has no life outside of her son. She sits at home day after day waiting on her new husband to come home. Her son is all she has. Hmmm…maybe I should have pity for her?

nah

autumn
autumn
15 years ago

My God!!!!!!! The self-righteousness! I can say, without exaggerating, that that link literally made me nauseous. Literally. CIO doesn’t have to mean that your child screams and cries for hours on end with no interaction. I don’t believe that children need every conceivable worry and inconvenience whisked away before they can even BEGIN to get upset. What about teaching your child how to deal with the things they can’t control? If your child never has the chance to get upset or (God forbid) not get their way IMMEDIATELY (what with her mind reading and “elimination communication”) how will they learn to cope with anger or frustration or sadness? I think there’s a fine line between being there for your child and robbing them of their independence and the ability to work things out for themselves and I think that lady crossed it a LONG time ago. That’s the kid I feel sorry for. Honestly. Let’s get together and do a study about how children with those parents cope as adults and see how many of them are on medication now because, dammit, no one’s there to dangle them over the toilet so they can pee without having to expend any effort. I also find it amusing/sad that with all the TRUE child abuse going on in the world, Miss Sanctimonious lays awake thinking about children who cry and the parents who “allow” it. I also don’t believe for a minute that she’s never had a negative thought about parenting or her child. People who put that much effort into proclaiming and defending their sainthood are usually far from perfect or content. I’m almost done, just one more thing. Co-sleeping/attachment parenting. Do you never have sex or do you just do it with your child in between you in case they wake up (due to the bed bouncing?) for a mid-copulation feeding? Just asking. Or is your marriage (somewhat? completely?) ignored since nothing is as important as making sure your child never makes a peep? Sorry for the LONG comment and the sarcasm, but that really pissed me off.

Lesley
Lesley
15 years ago

On typealices’s “about” page Gillian has written:
“I’m very stingy with money and fussy with the “proper way” things should be done. I’m trying to get over both of these things.”

Evidently she’s not making progress.

This confirms my earlier question as to whether typealice is Gillian who has taken you harshly to task before. In the comment thread of one of her earlier rants, I quoted the above statement and asked her how she reconciled this self-criticism with a nasty gossipy rant (about you). She deleted my comment.

Clearly, the lady has issues and I’m with Pete on her chances of growing a healthy family while inflicting, with obvious relish, her sanctimonious horseshit on others.

If “typealice” is another word for Type A, she really should be working on her own shit and not running around the Intertubes gossiping and ragging on decent, loving moms.

regan
15 years ago

This is the kind of situation that makes me scared to have kids. I don’t think there is a universally right or wrong way to raise kids. You have to go with what works for you and I don’t want to be judged on what works for me.

St
St
15 years ago

I don’t get it, why does Heather get to stay in her blogroll? I seem to remember them letting her cry.
Thank you for blogging.

wm
wm
15 years ago

“I’d rather read a true-to-life blog than a pompous self-serving glassy-eyed diatribe any day.” I agree with Penne. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.

Poppy
15 years ago

crap…I hit the wrong button.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I’m a recent reader. I came over here the last time TypeAlice ranted on you. Which was the last time I visited her blog. It was then I realized how round the bend she really had become.

You seem like an alright mother to me. Your boys look clean, healthy and very happy. Your words, even your funny, sarcastic ones show how completely you love them. I like how you can take the difficult times of motherhood and make them humorous. We all need a little humor in our lives. Some people more than others. heh

Have a wonderful day and don’t let bitter people like that one get to you. Totally not worth it.

Cameron
15 years ago

People are certainly entitled to their own opinion, but I think in general people throw the word ‘abuse’ around all too often. By that rationale, we should place all babies into a medically induced coma until all their teeth are in, you know…to avoid that pain that will surely place them in psychiatric care during their adult years.

There’s a good blog for a local guy here, he’s fairly crude but he makes a damn good point about how the way things are now versus 50 years ago. Here’s a link:

http://peoriaantipundit.blogspot.com/2008/10/what-hell-department.html

Gillian
15 years ago

Holy cow, ladies. I never once said she didn’t love her children. (Came back to the site only because of the astounding amount of shit-comments on my own blog. I have, in fact, stopped visiting. Don’t flatter yourself, you’re not *that* good.)

Nicole
Nicole
15 years ago

She’s just being silly and judgmental. That kind of holier-than-thou crap is such a turn-off. Don’t let it bother you. Shake it off, sister!

Leticia
Leticia
15 years ago

You are awesome and so inspiring and are thinking EXACTLY what I’m thinking, but am too embarrassed to say. I’m not even going to justify her post with a comment. So rude….

MRW
MRW
15 years ago

Yeah, that picture of your family is heartbreaking. I feel so badly for your kids living with two loving parents who try their best to do what’s right for them. How will they ever grow up properly if they aren’t exposed to self-righteous bullshit on a regular basis? Heartbreaking…

Lisa S.
15 years ago

I must be slow, because I still don’t get the point.

What would someone be hoping to gain by dramatically announcing I Must Cease To Read This Blog For Mine Sensibilities, They Hath Been Offended? Is this a subconscious yearning to return to the era of public shaming and the stocks? Rock out a puritan uniform and STFU, I say. Anything beyond that is bad for your Internet karma.

Domesticrazy
15 years ago

I don’t comment often, but I’ve been reading your blog since before we both had kids. I want you to know that you are an inspiration to me, because every one of us has to deal with not only the challenges of motherhood, but also the shit ton of bull that comes from everyone and their brother about our choices. I love the way you handle it, I love your humor, your honesty and your zazz. Whenever someone gives me flack about being vegan and raising my child that way, I channel your online voice and laugh. Because life is too short for me to go around whacking everyone who turns into a judgmental asshole before my eyes in the head with a newspaper. I’ll keep reading your blog even if you go all abusive and start telling your children “no.” I’m just behind you that much.

Carolyn
15 years ago

That woman is crazy! She is all about taking things out of context. Kids need to learn they can’t always get their way or they’ll grow up and be brats. My babe sleeps like yours and the sleep deprivation sucks, if you can’t vent on a blog then where can you? Some crying is necessary, it’s the way it is. Babies aren’t born knowing how to sleep well. Plus the whole “I don’t drink caffeine” crap, who is she trying to impress? Anyways, bashing you online is just unnecessary and says a lot about her.

Dana
Dana
15 years ago

F**k that B***h, man!

Eric's Mommy
Eric's Mommy
15 years ago

You are a wonderful parent Linda and you have a wonderful family. Who gives a shit about what other people say.

Sunny
Sunny
15 years ago

To hell with them.

Your blogs are honest- oh the horror! When the time is right, your well-adjusted, damn adorable, witty, charming and devoted sons will read your blogs and love every word. They’ll laugh, smile, blush and never question their mother’s love and devotion.

Happy kids, loving family and kick-ass husband (overlooking his sandals/socks faux pas), you rock Linda. Leave it to the other donkey ball sucking m-f’ers to roll around in the sandbox and pull hair. Don’t waste another moment on them.

SJ
SJ
15 years ago

She just couldn’t stay away could she!

I love your blog Linda and I love the way you write. You are honest, and raw and REAL. I’m on your side – 100%.

And I’m so glad I’ve never even considered following ‘Gillian’. People with attitudes like hers just aren’t worth my time.

Bumbling
15 years ago

HAHAHAHAAAAA She came here to add one last thing. Ooooh I bet you she’s reading it RIGHT NOW! (Waves at Gillian) GO AWAY!

Poppy
15 years ago

well look who just had to pop back over here to see what was being said??

*waves to the Lunatic*

Go home now Gillian…and stay there hon. Linda is just find without you.

adriana
15 years ago

Wow. I’ve been reading your blog for a while and I have always been struck by your humor, great writing, and most of all, amazing love for your family! The nerve of that woman (and her higher than thou friends) is ridiculous. I hope you’re able to brush her off an move on with your fabulous posts.

Sundry
Sundry
15 years ago

I need to point out that while Gillian’s post was . . . um, a weird thing to find in my incoming links, it was the discussion going on in her early comments that actually upset me. Things like “I often wonder why some people are parents”, “I too don’t get why some people have kids”, “I question how much she really loves and nurtures her children”, “All the CIOers ban together. It’s as if they can justify their despicable behaviour”, and so on.

Two of those comments were from Gillian, but I think the truly obnoxious discussion wasn’t from her. She just provided the forum.

I actually didn’t mean to send anyone to her blog in my defense, and I’d like to plead that we stay civil over there. Otherwise, we’re just perpetuating the very problem that bothers us all.

Dianna
15 years ago

I don’t get how people can think it’s child neglect to let them “cry it out”. How are they supposed to learn to handle some things on their own? I mean, when your kid is 10 and crying in 4th grade, are you supposed to rush to their school from work to make them stop. I don’t know. You parent (from what you write) very similarly to how I would. No one’s perfect for god’s sake.

sara moon
sara moon
15 years ago

I read your twitter last night about this so dug around until I found the comment and then went to read her blog post. I just KNEW you would get hurt by all that – knew it. I worried it would make you doubt yourself for a second, doubt writing on your blog, doubt yourself as a parent, and I was so hoping you’d just laugh it off.
I feel sorry for that woman and her commenters that they’re so boring and lacking a sense of humor…lacking the honesty gene. Because, Linda, you are honest and real and we get you. You help so many of us, me!, get through the days with a laugh and shrug and a this too shall pass.
Don’t sweat it – at all my sistah. You rock.

Maria
15 years ago

I find it refreshing that you can have a sense of humor and wit when it comes to bitching about the parts of parenting that ARE REALLY HARD. Someone would have to be a super huge asshat to think you were truly resentful or in any way not a good mother. Like, epic amounts of asshat-ery.

So say we all.

Amy
Amy
15 years ago

Don’t let the turkeys get you down. Part of parenting is saving your sanity and knowing when to be flexible. You are alright in my book!

Erin
15 years ago

Jesus H. When I have a kid, I’m staying the fuck off the internet. How gross. I literally feel like I need to have a shower.

Sending positive thoughts your way, Linda.

Beyond A Mommy
15 years ago

Oye….comments like that don’t even deserve a response BUT if you are going to respond, you did it perfectly!! BTW, love the kickboxing pic, isn’t it the most fun you’ve ever had while getting your ass kicked? Love it.

sarah
sarah
15 years ago

i’m new to your blog, but i think i should 98th what everyone else has said: you’re great the way you are, (not that i would know first-hand, but) parenting is not a bed of roses every day and that woman is mean. in that order.

Mel
Mel
15 years ago

I feel the same as Erinn above…I’m afraid to stay blogging after I have a child. :p

Sending lots of hugs your way. I’ve read your site for a long time and know wat a great loving mom you are!