Hello, ladies.

Do you enjoy simple pleasures in life, such as the music? Perhaps you would enjoy while I play for you a song of “Music Box Dancer“? No, it will not take long. I only have push this one buttons.

I also enjoy the dancing, do you? Come and join me. I like very much to spin in circles and only occasionally do I get dizzy and smash into nearest piece of furniture. See wooden leg of chair? My face has made good friends with it!

I have many hobby, such as using my pants as the bathroom. Have you tried? It is very easy! I am also liking the loud crying and putting the dog hair in my mouth.

I know many many words in the English but I like best the pointing. Look where my finger can go! Yes also in my own nose! I am many skilled.

If you like for you a companion with who you can share cheese cracker and many many container of milk, please to call. I am not allowed phone yet because of the biting but tell your message and I am sure to be saying hello.

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Sharla
13 years ago

Ha! I love it! This is exactly why you are my most favorite writer of all time! Brilliant!

Kathy
13 years ago

Bwahahahahaha! Okay, now I’m wondering what my own children’s ads would sound like and which pictures I would use…

Christine
Christine
13 years ago

HA. Also, holy cow does he ever look like a FREAKING BOY and not a baby and aiieee. How did that happen?

Kim
Kim
13 years ago

Maybe he and my many skilled daughter can eventually get together. They can finger point at the cheese cracker together.

Love this! Thanks.

Frema
13 years ago

“If you like for you a companion with who you can share cheese cracker and many many container of milk, please to call.”

The “please to call” bit was my very favorite part. :)

Maria
13 years ago

Look where my finger can go! Awesome.

mixette
mixette
13 years ago

You, and this, are so very very awesome!

Thank you for making mah freakin’ day.

Dad Gone Mad
13 years ago

Linda, that was above and beyond the outer limits of hilarity.

With all do respect, that boy is a P-I-M-P!

Melissa D.
Melissa D.
13 years ago

Awesome. Is it me or does he look just like JB?

Sarah
13 years ago

How great!! He is so adorable!!

Amanda
13 years ago

Did he grow OVERNIGHT?

tanya
tanya
13 years ago

honest to heavens this makes my stomach hurt from the laughing. oh the laughing.

Donna
Donna
13 years ago

What a hoot! Also, what a cutie!

danielle-lee
13 years ago

I want to nom nom nom on his cute cheeks!
Hilarious!

Joy @ Big Time Fancy
13 years ago

I love that your son is an eastern European ladies man.

Junni
Junni
13 years ago

So,sorry to give you son a lisp and all, but when I read this, I totally had the “Ladies Man” voice in my head.

So Dylan’s all: “Helloooo ladeeth. Do you enjoy the thimple pleasures in life?”

I’m tha ladeeth man.

Shannon
13 years ago

Oh, man, he looks sooo much like JB in this photo! And so dang big!

Andrea
13 years ago

Off topic: Do you think JB’s company can make antimicrobial stripper poles? http://crasspollination.blogspot.com/2009/05/career-ending-injury.html

kendra!
13 years ago

Please let this be the back of the hardcover paper wrap for your book, complete with Dylan’s picture.

Michele
Michele
13 years ago

I keep coming back and reading this again because it cracks me up, and that picture of him is so darn cute! Thanks for another great post.

Dana
Dana
13 years ago

I love this!! But, why does he sound like the Russian dude from Clerks? You know, do you like for making fuck, berserker!?!

Must Be Motherhood
13 years ago

I keep coming back to read this one. Har.

Jenni
13 years ago

Oh my GOD! Pure wonder. And the picture is such a perfect accompaniment.

Red
Red
13 years ago

Ha HA you slay me, woman! That was damn funny!

Also? I grew up with that same Victorian chair, only in hunter green. Wierd.

Laura
Laura
13 years ago

Doubled over laughing!!!

justmouse (or Chaosmomm..whatever)
justmouse (or Chaosmomm..whatever)
13 years ago

BWA HA HA HA! *snort* HA HA HA HA

ilu. seriously.

Janet
Janet
13 years ago

HAR! Holy Crap, that is funny:)

Sam
Sam
13 years ago

I adore, ADORE I TELL YOU, this picture of Dylan. And his personal ad just made me shake with laughter.

Mary Helen
Mary Helen
13 years ago

Oh my GOD, you are hilarious. This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a LONG TIME. He’s absolutely adorable — and getting so BIG.

The Informal Matriarch
13 years ago

SOOOO funny.

C. O'Dell
13 years ago

Oddly enough that reads almost identically to an email I got from a Nigerian scammer offering me much love the other day. Course his picture had him holding two loaves of bread and halibut on his head, but hey!

What happened to the hilarious monkey/banana post?

Maxine Dangerous
13 years ago

OMG, that cracked my shit up! :D

Jill
13 years ago

I almost used my own pants as a bathroom reading this. I’m bookmarking it to read again when I need a good laugh. Thanks for that!

Judy
Judy
13 years ago

I think I have come back to read this post fifty times now, and never fail to laugh. Brilliant!

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