All done, he tells me. All done, all done.

Ah dunnn. Ah dunnn.

His face is a flower. His face is something plucked from a pie. His face is perfect: wide open, smooth, touchable. It is real.

Up, up! He talks to me now. I don’t understand everything he says but I understand some of it and oh, oh. Oh, what a difference.

Once I understood with my skin and cells what he needed and sometimes I was wrong and sometimes I had to guess and guess, over and over, and I wasn’t always right but it was like this: breathe, eat, sleep. Exhale. Do it again. Do it better. It wasn’t binary but it was primal. It wasn’t easy but it was real.

Now it’s like breathing underwater and it’s hard but I’m getting better and I want to say baby come here baby listen baby but he isn’t a baby now he’s a little boy and it isn’t but it is and it’s better and I am learning.

He is starting to talk now and his feet move away but then they come back and it’s getting better and better and better and I know this feeling. This is choice. This is something deliberate. This is something new. He clings to me, his arms tucked under his warm torso. He whispers against my shoulder.

Mama! His face is a flower.

Comments

Subscribe
Notify of
guest
42 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
samantha jo campen
13 years ago

Happy sigh.

Diane
Diane
13 years ago

awwwwww….happy mama!!

oregoncoastgirl
oregoncoastgirl
13 years ago

oh. want.

Accidental Olympian
13 years ago

sometimes life is better without commas…

Jillian
13 years ago

This is an incredible time for both of you. Enjoy it.

Hilary
13 years ago

Oh, oh. EXACTLY. I love “this is choice.” Lovely piece.

Marolyn
Marolyn
13 years ago

You make my now barren uterus ache. I long for this again. But it is not to be. My baby will be 20 next month, but thank you for bringing back so many warm memories.

amy
amy
13 years ago

Ahhh. It’s perfection!

Hillary
13 years ago

Yes! That’s it exactly.

Cookie
13 years ago

You always say what I feel so well. Thank you. This is it exactly.

alomellin
alomellin
13 years ago

This brought tears to my eyes. I have a 16 month LITTLE BOY at home. It’s so wonderful to watch him grow, and yet heartbreaking all at the same time. Thank you for your words, lovely and touching as always.

beach
beach
13 years ago

Beautiful.

Michelle
Michelle
13 years ago

Just beautiful. My first read of the day and
I’m already crying.

joaaanna
joaaanna
13 years ago

Awesome. Thank you.

Christina
13 years ago

Oh so true…

Emma
13 years ago

Exactly.

(dude, your writing! It’s the most awesome-est!)

hydrogeek
13 years ago

Exactly. Gorgeous.

Meagan
Meagan
13 years ago

Dammit, quit making me cry!!
Beautiful.

Melanie
Melanie
13 years ago

every one of these words are mine too. except for the end. my boy says “oh..mama”. this is so lovely. thank you.

Audubon Ron
13 years ago

:)

lisa-marie
13 years ago

Very sweet!

SJ
SJ
13 years ago

That totally brought tears to my eyes. Absolutely beautiful, and touching. There is so much joy in motherhood, I couldn’t agree with you more.

Rachel
Rachel
13 years ago

I really need to wait to put on makeup until after I read your blog.

Eric's Mommy
Eric's Mommy
13 years ago

So sweet.

MzEll
13 years ago

Tears. I’m eight months pregnant with the third, and this is exactly the second. Thank you, Linda!

Melinda Handy
Melinda Handy
13 years ago

I love this.

Alexa
Alexa
13 years ago

Gorgeous.

Katherine
13 years ago

Beautiful. And true.

Leigh
Leigh
13 years ago

I have read your blog for a long time and never posted. This was just beautiful – so simple and touching. I think every mother feels her heart tug a little when reading this!

Renee
Renee
13 years ago

I wish my baby would stay 2 months old forever…

becky
13 years ago

How did you know? My son, the younger of my two boys, my beautiful baby-who-isn’t-for-much-longer, is turning one tomorrow. My emotions on this are….well, how did you know?

Beautiful. Perfect. Thank you.

Nicole
13 years ago

I am inspired by you… Thank you.

Lisa
Lisa
13 years ago

Does JB know you are all that and a bag of chips?

Sometimes, it feels like you are writing for all of us who cannot get the words to sit properly on the page…

Thank you, Linda.

Deb
Deb
13 years ago

Oh, I was bereft when I realized that every new step my baby made was a step away. I never thought of it in terms of choice – thanks.

Rachael
Rachael
13 years ago

OK, crying now.

Beth in SF
13 years ago

So sweet. I cherish every single snuggle I get because I know someday, like in about 15 years, he’s going to want nothing to do with me. If it wasn’t for poopy diapers, I’d ask a genie if he could be 13 months forever.

Leah
13 years ago

Oy, that made my leg hairs all prickly.

Audrey
13 years ago

Well said.

Jodi
Jodi
13 years ago

beautiful. chills.

Jenine
13 years ago

You’re making me weepy, little mama. So glad you’re feeling the joy.

Melissa D.
Melissa D.
13 years ago

Beautiful.

Christen
13 years ago

This is a beautiful piece of writing, Sundry. I resonate completely. Thank you.